Growing pains

So I have really awesome ideas for blogposts...but no time. I plan to tackle the issue of homosexual Christianity once and for all (not really...but I def want to weigh in on it)...but I obviously haven't done it yet. I know what you're thinking- what gives? You promised more blogs after graduation- and haven't delivered. What. The. Frick.

To which I reply whoa whoa whoa WHOA. TIME OUT. That sort of language is not tolerated here- this is a no cuss zone. So seriously- go take a time out. In the corner. And wash out your mouth with soap.

To those out of the loop, I started my new job the day after graduation- and I haven't looked back. I'm the Assistant Family Teacher at a group home, working full time (as in, over 40 per week). The home I'm at is...well, chaotic would be a nice way of putting it. It's going to get better- we got a new couple, and they seem like they're going to do well. In the meantime, it's hectic. The old family teachers left in April...with a program in shambles. The people that worked during the transition have done a bang-up job, but realistically the program is need of some serious stability and a good mix of kick-ass-take names and TLC.

So what does this have to do with me not blogging? Well, I've been working lots- and almost always in the evening. I'm not able to be on the computer super frequently during the day (largely because I want to be a responsible father, partly because a) Sara has an on-line English class and b) I have a new PS3). I put in time on these blog entries- I know it is hard to believe, but it is truth. So the thought of just shooting from the hip is not going to be an option.

However, what better way to bridge the gap between my last blog and the blog I want to write- than by writing a shoot-from-the-hip blog about why I haven't blogged? It's brilliant!!!

I'm actually pretty excited about this opportunity, even though it is seriously giving me a thorough butt-whupping. Simply put, this job experience is going to be stellar and enable me to get where I want to be. It's hard right now, but I can already tell I'm going to have serious opportunity for growth. It's going to stretch me- in many ways. I'm going to simultaneously learn how to submit to the authority of someone else that has less experience than I do, while also learning how to give feedback more directly and assertively. I also am going to have to be able to transform my personality to more of a take-charge-Alpha male.

See, I've worked at the agency for almost 5 years. I've been a program manager, and I've been a direct care staff. There aren't a lot of situations that I haven't seen...as a part of a team. But as the assistant, it's pretty much my show (as long as the family teachers aren't around)...so I have to sort of step up and take charge in a way that I haven't done before. Factor in the fact that I'm fresh out of college, and my time spent in direct care for my internship was largely processing the aspect of control pertaining to direct care staff, and a program that is in flux, with kids that have had a large amount of change in a short period of time...

It's been a mess. I find myself making simple mistakes. I'm hesitant. I basically feel like I don't know what to teach to. I am used to basically Midasing everything I lay my hands on- so to go through these initial trials and growing pains- well, it's been tough. I have to be okay with the fact that I'm not perfect, and that I'm still growing up into this new role, and that I am making mistakes, and that is okay.

Will I get there? Absolutely. I find myself growing in confidence a little bit each time. I am able to figure out the mistakes that I make, and process through how I should have handled different situations. I'm finding my voice.

Unfortunately, for right now that voice has come at the expense of the voice that I am comfortable with, and reasonably skilled at using. It doesn't mean that I'm going to sacrifice the known for the sake of the unknown- it just means that I'm going to have to get creative. Because I still have so much to say...and so little time to say it.