Well, here it is- the last blog post of the year. On the last night of the year. And you know what? I have nothing to say. Well, not entirely true- I actually have something to say. I just don't have time to say it. Because between the cleaning today, and the spending of time with old friends, and helping move a piano, and spending time making puzzles with my children, and getting ready to have friends over, and playing Mad-libs with my friends on Facebook- I haven't had time to sit down and write down my thoughts about this past year.
And you know what? Maybe that's a good thing. After all, sitting here in a (marginally) clean house, with friends and family- life can't get much better, can it?
Here's hoping that 2011 brings more cleaning, friends, and fun, for all of us. Be safe everyone- and have a happy New Year!
Friday, December 31, 2010
Monday, December 13, 2010
Blow it up and start over: a draft recap gone awry.
After a week of crying myself to sleep, drinking myself into a stupor, and peeing my pants, I have started to come to grips with the fact that the NORTH Michigan Snow Flurries did not make the playoffs- and while I continue to rail against the schedule, the durability of my players, the conclusions of horoscopes, and the results of the lottery, the truth is that I may (possibly) have to accept a little (more) blame about the 4-9 record our team put up. This tale, then, is a tale about the drafting exploits of one man- and how much they sucked.
A comment about my preseason thoughts- my season thoughts- and my moving-forward thoughts. Also- did you see how I showed you how they would be distinguished- without actually telling you? Clever, huh?
Keepers-
RB Michael Turner-He got hurt last season, but there aren't many teams nowadays that have a bell-cow back- and Turner is one of those guys. After a slow start, Turner really picked up and had a very strong season for me. I'm not sure if he'll be a keeper for me again- but if I don't keep him, I'll definitely have to think about drafting him in the first round if I want him again. Grade: B+
QB Tony Romo-The Lord giveth...and, the Lord taketh away. Romo was having a really good season for me when he broke his collarbone in week 7 versus the Giants. I had some decent QB play the rest of the way- but not nearly at the level Romo was performing at. Definitely thinking about him as a keeper- but it'll depend on how he progresses in his recovery. Grade: Incomplete (A- for the games he completed)
Draft-
1- RB Ryan Grant- Green Bay looks like they might have the best offense in the history of ever. While that certainly did not end up being the case (and it is here that I shall choose to gloat about the Lions 7-3 win over the Packers yesterday), it is also not the fault of Ryan Grant. And yet, it is probably his fault- because he didn't even make it out of the first game unscathed. Obviously you count on injuries throughout a football season- but this injury was simply devastating, and we never really recovered. I'd consider him with a mid-round pick- but no higher. Grade: Incomplete (Incomplete for the games he completed- because there was none).
2- WR Steve Smith (NYG)- I can't really afford to whiff with my #2 pick for 2 years in a row. I don't think I would classify this a whiff- but it wasn't an extra base hit either. Another case of the injury bug struck Smith at the midway point of the season- but even when he played, he was a 50/50 proposition (half of his games he didn't reach double digit points). Looking back, I realize that this was a reach. At least I had the best Steve Smith in the league though. That counts for something- right? I'd draft him again- he's an Eli Manning 3rd down favorite- but not before the 4th round. Grade: Incomplete (B- for the games he completed)
3- TE Jermichael Finley- This guy was banged up at times last year. When he was healthy? He was unstoppable. This guy was banged up at times this year. When he was healthy? He was unstoppable. The problem is- he spent every week after week 5 being banged up on Injured Reserve. Another guy I drafted too high- I'd draft him again, but with his injury history, it won't be nearly this high. Grade: Incomplete (A for the games he completed)
4- WR Michael Crabtree- I think that this guy is going to be a stud. I think this guy was a stub. Not quite a dud- he did have 5 double-digit point games, after all- but definitely not stud material. I don't want to give up completely on this guy- but man, I just don't know if the QB situation in San Francisco is going to help him reach the elite level anytime soon. Grade: C
5- WR Dwayne Bowe- If Bowe comes out and lays a goose-egg...then I will come back and edit this post. For the early part of the season, it looked like I was going to have to come back and eat some crow. 3 of his first 4 games were sub-5 pointers. And even the last 2 weeks have been stinkers. In between though? A magical run of 5 20-point outings in 7 games (including a pair of 30+ pointers) that really carried my team. Thanks for the memories Dwayne. A real candidate for a keeper position- but the last two weeks have me a little cautious. Grade: A-
6- RB Ronnie Brown- Possibly a reach...maybe too high to draft a running back that has an injury history. No, September Jason- definitely a reach. We just completed week 14, and Mr. Brown has racked up all of 2 double digit point games (high of 15). Unfortunately, I hadn't planned on Brown to play as big of a role as he did, due to injuries. Ronnie Brown will not be back with the Snow Flurries next season. Grade: D
7- Ravens Defense- Do they still have Ed Reed? If so, then they'll be awesome in the fantasy format. They did have Ed Reed, and they were a really good real defense- but unfortunately, they didn't force many turnovers or score many TDs, so for fantasy points, they were a much worse undertaking than the Arizona Cardinals D. No idea- because when you draft a defense, you're drafting an entire unit- there is so much that can change between now and then. Grade: D+
8- WR Mohammed Massaquoi- I have my starting WRs, so anything this guy gives me is gravy. Geez- he didn't even give me gravy. Not even the cheap powder stuff so that I could make my own gravy. Thanks for playing Mo- but no mo Mo. Grade: D-
9- QB Chad Henne- I'm not going to need Henne to be the second coming of Dan Marino...I just need him to not be the second coming of Ryan Leaf. Well, if this was a scale, Chad was closer to Leaf-territory than he was Marino. He did, however, have a solid outing or 2 for me, and I was later able to parlay him into Jay Cutler. Whatever that means. I'd take a flyer on him in later rounds- maybe. Grade: D+
10-RB Darren McFadden- I felt like I could take some flyers on guys that could potentially have some serious impact...or at the very least, put up acceptable stats for bad teams. Probably one of the best draft picks I've ever made- yes, even better than grabbing Bowe in Round 5. He simply exploded in 2010, setting himself up as an elite back who can affect games both on the ground and through the air. So obviously, I traded him away late in the season. For Steve Johnson. Ugh. I'm seriously hoping that the guy I traded him to doesn't decide to keep him- because I am definitely scoring him next year. Of course- he was hurt again this year for a spell- so maybe that's a red flag. Grade: A.
11-TE Dustin Keller- Whatever- I drafted him. And then I traded him. And I might draft him again. Or not. Grade: C-
12-Bears Defense- Hey, 2 games against the Lions should make this defense worth it, right? If I would have played this D more than I did, I might have won a couple more games (and thus made the playoffs). As it was, they were a very good unit for me. And that's taking into account that 2 of their lowest scoring games were against the Lions. See Ravens comment above. Grade: A
13-WR TJ Houshimanzada Meanwhile, a 13th round pick for a back-up WR is not much to spend on a guy that could end up starting and being a #2 receiver. Unfortunately, I didn't really keep him long enough to figure this out, because injuries and ineffectiveness started to wreak havoc on my season, and I absolutely needed to have someone to produce right away. Sorry TJ. Maybe next time. No seriously- maybe next time. You'll have a full offseason to hang with your Ravens buds, and I have no doubt that you're still a great receiver. Grade: Incomplete
14-K Lawrence Tynes- I just had to make sure that his name wasn't Nick Folk, and that he was in no way, shape, or form associated with or existed in a former life as Nick Folk. And he wasn't Nick Folk. What a great pick. I don't really put much thought into my kickers- as long as they aren't Nick Folk. Grade: B-
15-WR Donnie Avery- . Just perfect for my drafting philosophy. Ah yes. My drafting philosophy. While my 'drafting philosophy' scored me Darren McFadden, it also exposed the fact that I did not do any preparation at all heading into the season. Zero. I read no magazines or articles, watched no talking head commentary, scanned none of the injury reports. Looking back, I wonder- is this what the Matt Millen era was really like? I'll make you a deal, Donnie- you don't suffer a season-ending injury in the pre-season, and I will definitely consider drafting you. Grade: F- (Yeah, I know- incomplete- but I have to give myself an F- for drafting a guy that was already out for the year).
16-RB Jason Snelling- I figured I'd protect my investment a little bit. And my investment protection just sat there on the bench- looking all investment protecty, except for the 2 games where he blatantly outscored Turner and reminded me that he existed. You'd look really nice on my transaction register next year, Jason- as a 16th round pick to protect my investment. Grade: D
Overall, I had a pretty rough draft. I picked many guys rounds ahead of their value. I know that this stuff is all hind sight- but still, I think that my lesson is learned. I know it's ridiculous to buy tons of Fantasy Football magazines and try to memorize offensive coordinators tendencies in the red zone for home games indoors, but a little bit of prevention surely has to be worth it's weight in cure.
A comment about my preseason thoughts- my season thoughts- and my moving-forward thoughts. Also- did you see how I showed you how they would be distinguished- without actually telling you? Clever, huh?
Keepers-
RB Michael Turner-He got hurt last season, but there aren't many teams nowadays that have a bell-cow back- and Turner is one of those guys. After a slow start, Turner really picked up and had a very strong season for me. I'm not sure if he'll be a keeper for me again- but if I don't keep him, I'll definitely have to think about drafting him in the first round if I want him again. Grade: B+
QB Tony Romo-The Lord giveth...and, the Lord taketh away. Romo was having a really good season for me when he broke his collarbone in week 7 versus the Giants. I had some decent QB play the rest of the way- but not nearly at the level Romo was performing at. Definitely thinking about him as a keeper- but it'll depend on how he progresses in his recovery. Grade: Incomplete (A- for the games he completed)
Draft-
1- RB Ryan Grant- Green Bay looks like they might have the best offense in the history of ever. While that certainly did not end up being the case (and it is here that I shall choose to gloat about the Lions 7-3 win over the Packers yesterday), it is also not the fault of Ryan Grant. And yet, it is probably his fault- because he didn't even make it out of the first game unscathed. Obviously you count on injuries throughout a football season- but this injury was simply devastating, and we never really recovered. I'd consider him with a mid-round pick- but no higher. Grade: Incomplete (Incomplete for the games he completed- because there was none).
2- WR Steve Smith (NYG)- I can't really afford to whiff with my #2 pick for 2 years in a row. I don't think I would classify this a whiff- but it wasn't an extra base hit either. Another case of the injury bug struck Smith at the midway point of the season- but even when he played, he was a 50/50 proposition (half of his games he didn't reach double digit points). Looking back, I realize that this was a reach. At least I had the best Steve Smith in the league though. That counts for something- right? I'd draft him again- he's an Eli Manning 3rd down favorite- but not before the 4th round. Grade: Incomplete (B- for the games he completed)
3- TE Jermichael Finley- This guy was banged up at times last year. When he was healthy? He was unstoppable. This guy was banged up at times this year. When he was healthy? He was unstoppable. The problem is- he spent every week after week 5 being banged up on Injured Reserve. Another guy I drafted too high- I'd draft him again, but with his injury history, it won't be nearly this high. Grade: Incomplete (A for the games he completed)
4- WR Michael Crabtree- I think that this guy is going to be a stud. I think this guy was a stub. Not quite a dud- he did have 5 double-digit point games, after all- but definitely not stud material. I don't want to give up completely on this guy- but man, I just don't know if the QB situation in San Francisco is going to help him reach the elite level anytime soon. Grade: C
5- WR Dwayne Bowe- If Bowe comes out and lays a goose-egg...then I will come back and edit this post. For the early part of the season, it looked like I was going to have to come back and eat some crow. 3 of his first 4 games were sub-5 pointers. And even the last 2 weeks have been stinkers. In between though? A magical run of 5 20-point outings in 7 games (including a pair of 30+ pointers) that really carried my team. Thanks for the memories Dwayne. A real candidate for a keeper position- but the last two weeks have me a little cautious. Grade: A-
6- RB Ronnie Brown- Possibly a reach...maybe too high to draft a running back that has an injury history. No, September Jason- definitely a reach. We just completed week 14, and Mr. Brown has racked up all of 2 double digit point games (high of 15). Unfortunately, I hadn't planned on Brown to play as big of a role as he did, due to injuries. Ronnie Brown will not be back with the Snow Flurries next season. Grade: D
7- Ravens Defense- Do they still have Ed Reed? If so, then they'll be awesome in the fantasy format. They did have Ed Reed, and they were a really good real defense- but unfortunately, they didn't force many turnovers or score many TDs, so for fantasy points, they were a much worse undertaking than the Arizona Cardinals D. No idea- because when you draft a defense, you're drafting an entire unit- there is so much that can change between now and then. Grade: D+
8- WR Mohammed Massaquoi- I have my starting WRs, so anything this guy gives me is gravy. Geez- he didn't even give me gravy. Not even the cheap powder stuff so that I could make my own gravy. Thanks for playing Mo- but no mo Mo. Grade: D-
9- QB Chad Henne- I'm not going to need Henne to be the second coming of Dan Marino...I just need him to not be the second coming of Ryan Leaf. Well, if this was a scale, Chad was closer to Leaf-territory than he was Marino. He did, however, have a solid outing or 2 for me, and I was later able to parlay him into Jay Cutler. Whatever that means. I'd take a flyer on him in later rounds- maybe. Grade: D+
10-RB Darren McFadden- I felt like I could take some flyers on guys that could potentially have some serious impact...or at the very least, put up acceptable stats for bad teams. Probably one of the best draft picks I've ever made- yes, even better than grabbing Bowe in Round 5. He simply exploded in 2010, setting himself up as an elite back who can affect games both on the ground and through the air. So obviously, I traded him away late in the season. For Steve Johnson. Ugh. I'm seriously hoping that the guy I traded him to doesn't decide to keep him- because I am definitely scoring him next year. Of course- he was hurt again this year for a spell- so maybe that's a red flag. Grade: A.
11-TE Dustin Keller- Whatever- I drafted him. And then I traded him. And I might draft him again. Or not. Grade: C-
12-Bears Defense- Hey, 2 games against the Lions should make this defense worth it, right? If I would have played this D more than I did, I might have won a couple more games (and thus made the playoffs). As it was, they were a very good unit for me. And that's taking into account that 2 of their lowest scoring games were against the Lions. See Ravens comment above. Grade: A
13-WR TJ Houshimanzada Meanwhile, a 13th round pick for a back-up WR is not much to spend on a guy that could end up starting and being a #2 receiver. Unfortunately, I didn't really keep him long enough to figure this out, because injuries and ineffectiveness started to wreak havoc on my season, and I absolutely needed to have someone to produce right away. Sorry TJ. Maybe next time. No seriously- maybe next time. You'll have a full offseason to hang with your Ravens buds, and I have no doubt that you're still a great receiver. Grade: Incomplete
14-K Lawrence Tynes- I just had to make sure that his name wasn't Nick Folk, and that he was in no way, shape, or form associated with or existed in a former life as Nick Folk. And he wasn't Nick Folk. What a great pick. I don't really put much thought into my kickers- as long as they aren't Nick Folk. Grade: B-
15-WR Donnie Avery- . Just perfect for my drafting philosophy. Ah yes. My drafting philosophy. While my 'drafting philosophy' scored me Darren McFadden, it also exposed the fact that I did not do any preparation at all heading into the season. Zero. I read no magazines or articles, watched no talking head commentary, scanned none of the injury reports. Looking back, I wonder- is this what the Matt Millen era was really like? I'll make you a deal, Donnie- you don't suffer a season-ending injury in the pre-season, and I will definitely consider drafting you. Grade: F- (Yeah, I know- incomplete- but I have to give myself an F- for drafting a guy that was already out for the year).
16-RB Jason Snelling- I figured I'd protect my investment a little bit. And my investment protection just sat there on the bench- looking all investment protecty, except for the 2 games where he blatantly outscored Turner and reminded me that he existed. You'd look really nice on my transaction register next year, Jason- as a 16th round pick to protect my investment. Grade: D
Overall, I had a pretty rough draft. I picked many guys rounds ahead of their value. I know that this stuff is all hind sight- but still, I think that my lesson is learned. I know it's ridiculous to buy tons of Fantasy Football magazines and try to memorize offensive coordinators tendencies in the red zone for home games indoors, but a little bit of prevention surely has to be worth it's weight in cure.
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
Snow Flurries Season 2: 2nd half synopsis
Sometimes, when I do these game summaries, I go back through, looking for anything that might give me an edge for the next game, or the next season. Analyzing tendencies, scouring weather reports, reading briefings. Then I remember- it's all fake. And there is no method to any of this madness.
With that said, here is how the 2nd half of my season played out.
Week 8- My first of two shots at a .500 record, and a (seemingly) favorable matchup against the Parx Rangers (my dad's team)...and I fire blanks, losing 117-96.
What went right- Recent acquiree Cardinals D fills in admirably for da' Bears by scoring 28 points. Janikowski has 15 points. I also get solid efforts from McFadden (14) and Fitzpatrick (16).
What went wrong- Apparently it was the Snow Flurries bye week, as many of my top guys (Turner, Bears D, Boldin, Smith) do not play against anyone other than themselves. Michael Crabtree scores 11 points- but he does so on the waiver wire, because I cut him to pick up Mike Williams (2 points). I feel like the ghost of Matt Millen still haunts me. Also, the one game of the season that Matthew Stafford starts and finishes- yup, it's against me. 32 points. It didn't help that Larry Fitzgerald had his highest scoring performance at 19 points.
Bonehead move- Because of all the byes, it's really tough to say because no roster combo would have netted me any more points. Sure, dropping Crabtree was a hindsight stupid, but it was his first game with Troy Smith at QB. How was I to know Troy Smith wasn't going to royally suck?
Week 9- A rematch against my brothers' Team Doomsday, with 3rd place (and a playoff spot) on the line, and my team comes through for me. HUGE. Snow Flurries win easily (sort of) 123-99.
What went right- When it's your fantasy day, it's your fantasy day. 7 of my 9 players go for double digits, and I even left points on the bench at 3 positions. My brother leaves Phillip Rivers (33 points) on the bench for Big Ben (11 points), and his K Bironas has a bye week.
What went wrong- It didn't cost me this week- but Brown outscored McFadden 15-8, and da' Bears had a 41-24 margin over the Cards' D. Like I said, it didn't cost me- but it could have.
Bonehead move- There are no bonehead moves in victory. I have to tell myself this. Because my self esteem is really low, and if I don't speak positive things to myself, I'll just fall apart.
Week 10- Chance number 2 at .500, and I fail. Utterly and completely fail. This is probably the most painful loss of my fantasy career, on many levels. Suffice it to say that my 112-110 loss to Team Fergy is still resonating deep in my happy place even today.
What went right- My team worked their asses off. Coming back from a 30+ point deficit, they scored a total that (even with my foul-ups) would have beat most other teams in the league. Dwayne Bowe is the latest child of fortune, as the Broncos jump all over the Chiefs and force them to throw the ball all the time (Bowe ends up with 31 points for me). In fact, I was leading Fergy 110-109 heading into the last game of the night- Patriots versus Steelers. More on this in a second.
What went wrong- Smith is out with an injured peck- jeez, I didn't realize that this was the La Leche league (um, just kidding Steve- hurry up and get better). I decide that the Cardinals D (18 points) playing against the Seahawks was a better choice than da Bears (35 points) against the Vikings. Now, this isn't as asinine of a move as it might seem. Matt Hasselbeck was not guaranteed to start versus the Cards, and Favre was coming off of a career high 446 yards passing. Of course- I forgot that Favre's arm fell has completely fallen off. Also, I left Todd Heap (11 points) on the bench in place of Aaron Hernandez (assuming he got lost on the way to Heinz field and just didn't show up to the game). Hernandez not only scores 0 points for the Patriots, he does so in such a fashion that the National Center for Missing Adults gets involved.
Bonehead move- Relying on human beings for this game. Why don't we do fantasy Madden? Seriously, nobody is more disappointing than human beings. You know how many different ways I could have won this game- or at least tied it- without humans making human mistakes? Josh Scobee (my fill-in kicker) misses 2 field goals. Chansi Stuckey fumbles in OT against the Jets (Fergy's D). The Chiefs miss on a pair of 2-point conversion passes to Bowe. Mike Williams misses a pass in the red zone. Jason Snelling scores 12 points against the Ravens, while his forward-up Turner racks up all of 3. And how about WHAT WAS BELICHEK THINKING!?!!? Seriously, just one week after scoring 2 TDs against the Browns, Hernandez is AWOL while fellow rookie TE Rob Gronkowski scores 3 TDs against the Steelers. 3 TDs!!! Couldn't at least one of those gone to Aaron Hernandez? Remember him- you threw a pair of scoring passes to him last week? That guy?
Week 11- This is the point where all the injuries and all the mistakes start to add up. We are a mentally weary bunch, falling apart at the wrong time. Playing my arch-nemesis War Machine and needing a win to keep my dim playoff prospects alive, the Snow Flurries instead find themselves on the short end of a 127-96 score.
What went right- I felt bad for the Dolphins. Having lost their top two QBs to injury on Sunday, having to play their 3rd string QB against the Bears on a short week (they played on Thursday), knowing how much injuries have ruined my own season- I almost left the Bears D on the bench. Almost. Then I snapped into cutthroat mode, started the Bears, and watched as they racked up 22 points in a shut-out effort. Bowe and Turner also went for 20+ each for my squad. Jeff also made a (hindsight) bad move by leaving Thomas Jones and his 19 points on the bench in exchange for the 5 points that Stephen Jackson put up.
What went wrong- My match-ups were horrible. McFadden vs. the Steelers? He was forecast for 17 points (which I knew was not going to happen)- but still, to have him only put up 2 was a huge letdown. And it wasn't like I could sit him for a more favorable match-up, because Ronnie Brown was going up against a Bears D that could afford to ignore the pass. Additionally, Aaron Rodgers racked up 39 points, which destroyed me.
Bonehead move- I played Crabtree (1 point) over Williams (11 points). The move wouldn't have won me the game- but it would have helped.
Week 12-Ah yes- the week of the trade deadline. Also known as mercenary time. In real sports, the contenders try to solidify their title hopes, the fringe playoff teams try to make that final playoff push, and the dregs try and get something to show for their talented free agents that plan on leaving during the off-season. You can probably guess which one of those categories I fall into. Needing to win both of my last 2 games and have Josh lose both of his last 2- I make a couple blockbuster deals to swing the pendulum. Unfortunately, we played against Team Disco, the highest scoring team in the league. Still, my boys gave it their all. Despite trailing by over 50 points at one time, the Snow Flurries battled bravely and fell by a (narrower than it appears) 153-128 score.
What went right- Dwayne Bowe came to play- 36 points for my main man. Turner had a nice 18 on the day as well. And, perhaps most importantly of all, Chris Johnson of Team Disco has a big goose egg. Yes, you read that right. Chris Johnson. 0 points. How can I lose?
What went wrong-How can I lose? Well I am about to tell you. Rent-a-cop Big Ben, projected for 26, needed all of regulation and most of an OT period even have 10 (the other QBs on my roster each had twice that at the halftime mark of their respective games). Steve Johnson, whom I traded for Darren McFadden, had 6 and dropped a pass in the endzone that would have won the game for the Bills. Of course, McFadden had 6 too- so this week the trade was a wash. Oh, and how about Brady and Peyton Hillis each putting up 38 and Nate Kaeding having a 20 spot for Team Disco.
Bonehead move- You know what? I didn't make any bonehead moves. I'm tired of taking responsibility for these slackers. I put my faith in some of you guys- and you let me down. You let me down hard. So I made all the right moves. I was genius. Sheer brilliance. And really, it wasn't even my guys, either- because we had the 2nd most points in the league this week- meaning that if we would have played anyone else- ANYONE ELSE- we would have won. FRICK!
Week 13- Nothing to play for. No hope for a playoff birth. The end of an era. Season finale. The Snow Flurries have given everything for me this season- and it pains my heart that their perseverance will not be rewarded with a playoff birth. Instead, we'll be sitting home watching the playoffs. And we'll all have a nasty pukey taste in our mouths, thanks to the 85-67 stinker against El Diablo.
What went right- Well...Boldin came out of his coma to score 18 points. And Turner had a nice 14 point outing. And I guess da Bears D came up solid with 16 points against the Lions.
What went wrong- Last week, Dwayne Bowe came to play. This week, Dwayne Bowe came to get shut down. 0 points. Can't have your top guy score 0 points...unless someone else steps up. And that's just it- nobody else really stood up. Sam Bradford, starting as a Snow Flurry for the first time, played like a rookie (5 points) while seasoned vets Cutler and Big Ben each had 14. Steve Johnson followed up his 6 point effort by halving it (meanwhile McFadden had 16 points for someone else...man, those points would have looked nice on my roster).
Bonehead move- It should be probably be noted that Hernandez had 11 points in Waiver-land, while Heap hurt on 1st play of game and Gronkowski was not a factor. Leave it to Bill Belichek to kick me in the nads one last time whilst I lay writhing in agony on the floor.
Season over. Playoffs- not accomplished. It was quite a ride- and now it's over.
Next week (or maybe even this week if I feel motivated) I'll grade my draft effort. Then I'll look at the grades I gave my draft before the season started. Then I'll laugh at myself. And then? I'll start getting ready for next season. The NORTH Michigan Snow Flurries are going to be back with a vengence.
With that said, here is how the 2nd half of my season played out.
Week 8- My first of two shots at a .500 record, and a (seemingly) favorable matchup against the Parx Rangers (my dad's team)...and I fire blanks, losing 117-96.
What went right- Recent acquiree Cardinals D fills in admirably for da' Bears by scoring 28 points. Janikowski has 15 points. I also get solid efforts from McFadden (14) and Fitzpatrick (16).
What went wrong- Apparently it was the Snow Flurries bye week, as many of my top guys (Turner, Bears D, Boldin, Smith) do not play against anyone other than themselves. Michael Crabtree scores 11 points- but he does so on the waiver wire, because I cut him to pick up Mike Williams (2 points). I feel like the ghost of Matt Millen still haunts me. Also, the one game of the season that Matthew Stafford starts and finishes- yup, it's against me. 32 points. It didn't help that Larry Fitzgerald had his highest scoring performance at 19 points.
Bonehead move- Because of all the byes, it's really tough to say because no roster combo would have netted me any more points. Sure, dropping Crabtree was a hindsight stupid, but it was his first game with Troy Smith at QB. How was I to know Troy Smith wasn't going to royally suck?
Week 9- A rematch against my brothers' Team Doomsday, with 3rd place (and a playoff spot) on the line, and my team comes through for me. HUGE. Snow Flurries win easily (sort of) 123-99.
What went right- When it's your fantasy day, it's your fantasy day. 7 of my 9 players go for double digits, and I even left points on the bench at 3 positions. My brother leaves Phillip Rivers (33 points) on the bench for Big Ben (11 points), and his K Bironas has a bye week.
What went wrong- It didn't cost me this week- but Brown outscored McFadden 15-8, and da' Bears had a 41-24 margin over the Cards' D. Like I said, it didn't cost me- but it could have.
Bonehead move- There are no bonehead moves in victory. I have to tell myself this. Because my self esteem is really low, and if I don't speak positive things to myself, I'll just fall apart.
Week 10- Chance number 2 at .500, and I fail. Utterly and completely fail. This is probably the most painful loss of my fantasy career, on many levels. Suffice it to say that my 112-110 loss to Team Fergy is still resonating deep in my happy place even today.
What went right- My team worked their asses off. Coming back from a 30+ point deficit, they scored a total that (even with my foul-ups) would have beat most other teams in the league. Dwayne Bowe is the latest child of fortune, as the Broncos jump all over the Chiefs and force them to throw the ball all the time (Bowe ends up with 31 points for me). In fact, I was leading Fergy 110-109 heading into the last game of the night- Patriots versus Steelers. More on this in a second.
What went wrong- Smith is out with an injured peck- jeez, I didn't realize that this was the La Leche league (um, just kidding Steve- hurry up and get better). I decide that the Cardinals D (18 points) playing against the Seahawks was a better choice than da Bears (35 points) against the Vikings. Now, this isn't as asinine of a move as it might seem. Matt Hasselbeck was not guaranteed to start versus the Cards, and Favre was coming off of a career high 446 yards passing. Of course- I forgot that Favre's arm fell has completely fallen off. Also, I left Todd Heap (11 points) on the bench in place of Aaron Hernandez (assuming he got lost on the way to Heinz field and just didn't show up to the game). Hernandez not only scores 0 points for the Patriots, he does so in such a fashion that the National Center for Missing Adults gets involved.
Bonehead move- Relying on human beings for this game. Why don't we do fantasy Madden? Seriously, nobody is more disappointing than human beings. You know how many different ways I could have won this game- or at least tied it- without humans making human mistakes? Josh Scobee (my fill-in kicker) misses 2 field goals. Chansi Stuckey fumbles in OT against the Jets (Fergy's D). The Chiefs miss on a pair of 2-point conversion passes to Bowe. Mike Williams misses a pass in the red zone. Jason Snelling scores 12 points against the Ravens, while his forward-up Turner racks up all of 3. And how about WHAT WAS BELICHEK THINKING!?!!? Seriously, just one week after scoring 2 TDs against the Browns, Hernandez is AWOL while fellow rookie TE Rob Gronkowski scores 3 TDs against the Steelers. 3 TDs!!! Couldn't at least one of those gone to Aaron Hernandez? Remember him- you threw a pair of scoring passes to him last week? That guy?
Week 11- This is the point where all the injuries and all the mistakes start to add up. We are a mentally weary bunch, falling apart at the wrong time. Playing my arch-nemesis War Machine and needing a win to keep my dim playoff prospects alive, the Snow Flurries instead find themselves on the short end of a 127-96 score.
What went right- I felt bad for the Dolphins. Having lost their top two QBs to injury on Sunday, having to play their 3rd string QB against the Bears on a short week (they played on Thursday), knowing how much injuries have ruined my own season- I almost left the Bears D on the bench. Almost. Then I snapped into cutthroat mode, started the Bears, and watched as they racked up 22 points in a shut-out effort. Bowe and Turner also went for 20+ each for my squad. Jeff also made a (hindsight) bad move by leaving Thomas Jones and his 19 points on the bench in exchange for the 5 points that Stephen Jackson put up.
What went wrong- My match-ups were horrible. McFadden vs. the Steelers? He was forecast for 17 points (which I knew was not going to happen)- but still, to have him only put up 2 was a huge letdown. And it wasn't like I could sit him for a more favorable match-up, because Ronnie Brown was going up against a Bears D that could afford to ignore the pass. Additionally, Aaron Rodgers racked up 39 points, which destroyed me.
Bonehead move- I played Crabtree (1 point) over Williams (11 points). The move wouldn't have won me the game- but it would have helped.
Week 12-Ah yes- the week of the trade deadline. Also known as mercenary time. In real sports, the contenders try to solidify their title hopes, the fringe playoff teams try to make that final playoff push, and the dregs try and get something to show for their talented free agents that plan on leaving during the off-season. You can probably guess which one of those categories I fall into. Needing to win both of my last 2 games and have Josh lose both of his last 2- I make a couple blockbuster deals to swing the pendulum. Unfortunately, we played against Team Disco, the highest scoring team in the league. Still, my boys gave it their all. Despite trailing by over 50 points at one time, the Snow Flurries battled bravely and fell by a (narrower than it appears) 153-128 score.
What went right- Dwayne Bowe came to play- 36 points for my main man. Turner had a nice 18 on the day as well. And, perhaps most importantly of all, Chris Johnson of Team Disco has a big goose egg. Yes, you read that right. Chris Johnson. 0 points. How can I lose?
What went wrong-How can I lose? Well I am about to tell you. Rent-a-cop Big Ben, projected for 26, needed all of regulation and most of an OT period even have 10 (the other QBs on my roster each had twice that at the halftime mark of their respective games). Steve Johnson, whom I traded for Darren McFadden, had 6 and dropped a pass in the endzone that would have won the game for the Bills. Of course, McFadden had 6 too- so this week the trade was a wash. Oh, and how about Brady and Peyton Hillis each putting up 38 and Nate Kaeding having a 20 spot for Team Disco.
Bonehead move- You know what? I didn't make any bonehead moves. I'm tired of taking responsibility for these slackers. I put my faith in some of you guys- and you let me down. You let me down hard. So I made all the right moves. I was genius. Sheer brilliance. And really, it wasn't even my guys, either- because we had the 2nd most points in the league this week- meaning that if we would have played anyone else- ANYONE ELSE- we would have won. FRICK!
Week 13- Nothing to play for. No hope for a playoff birth. The end of an era. Season finale. The Snow Flurries have given everything for me this season- and it pains my heart that their perseverance will not be rewarded with a playoff birth. Instead, we'll be sitting home watching the playoffs. And we'll all have a nasty pukey taste in our mouths, thanks to the 85-67 stinker against El Diablo.
What went right- Well...Boldin came out of his coma to score 18 points. And Turner had a nice 14 point outing. And I guess da Bears D came up solid with 16 points against the Lions.
What went wrong- Last week, Dwayne Bowe came to play. This week, Dwayne Bowe came to get shut down. 0 points. Can't have your top guy score 0 points...unless someone else steps up. And that's just it- nobody else really stood up. Sam Bradford, starting as a Snow Flurry for the first time, played like a rookie (5 points) while seasoned vets Cutler and Big Ben each had 14. Steve Johnson followed up his 6 point effort by halving it (meanwhile McFadden had 16 points for someone else...man, those points would have looked nice on my roster).
Bonehead move- It should be probably be noted that Hernandez had 11 points in Waiver-land, while Heap hurt on 1st play of game and Gronkowski was not a factor. Leave it to Bill Belichek to kick me in the nads one last time whilst I lay writhing in agony on the floor.
Season over. Playoffs- not accomplished. It was quite a ride- and now it's over.
Next week (or maybe even this week if I feel motivated) I'll grade my draft effort. Then I'll look at the grades I gave my draft before the season started. Then I'll laugh at myself. And then? I'll start getting ready for next season. The NORTH Michigan Snow Flurries are going to be back with a vengence.
Saturday, December 4, 2010
Captain Abuse
So if you're even a little bit aware of Facebook, you know that there is this new "thing" going around where you change your profile picture to "campaign against child abuse" (as one status I read worded it).
A couple things. First of all- I did it. Call me a 'lemming', but I read the cause, knew it was something I wanted to participate in, and hunted down a Captain Planet photo.
Secondly, I'm very aware that child abuse will not cease because I did this. And I would hope that everybody who took a few seconds to find a new profile pic realizes this as well. Unless we dip into the magic profile pic pool, then we're more than likely not doing anything more than decorating our Facebook profile with a virtual bumper sticker.
So why do we do this stuff, then? Why do we post the "97% of you won't repost this" statuses? Why do we change our profile pictures , or post provocative "I like it in _____" statuses, or fill out 'Top 25 Random Things About Me' notes? I think it's because we miss being a part of people's lives- and letting people into our own.
Genuine human connection is virtually gone. I know that I have a difficult time functioning in the face to face world some times- there's always this awkward tension as we constantly bump into people who are trying so hard to put their best mistake-free social face on- just like us. But the virtual world? Sign me up, man! I can cut and paste, I can erase, I can change my face. And if I don't feel like participating? I tune it out, I shut it down. I don't respond. The consequences of my silence are usually much less severe than in reality, and I have much more manipulative power over my social persona.
So these Facebook memes, as they're apparently called (I know, right? Who would have thought me, behind the times?), serve a pretty important function- they allow us to feel connected with people. They make us feel like we belong, like we a part of something that is more than just our own existence.
Is this pathetic- or is it the new reality? Things have been changing so rapidly over the past 20-30 years, and the snowball is an avalanche, at this point- I'm not so sure it can be easily stopped (if at all).
But some of it is that we (and I staple myself to this bad boy, lemmetellya!) get so drawn into our patterns, and our routines, and our own private virtual realities, that we are just content to live there- venturing out into the real world only in small increments, at our own convenience.
Unfortunately, not everyone lives at that level of luxury. Not everybody can afford to just switch it on and off. And this whole Facebook child abuse awareness thing has got me thinking on that. I changed my profile picture to 'campaign against child abuse', as I said earlier. But is that really what I'm doing? Is Captain Planet really going to save all the babies?
Now, I don't want to go the polar extreme and say that I'm wasting time. It's not a waste of time. First of all, like I said, it's a human connection, which is usually a good thing. I see all the pictures of my friends changed into cartoon characters, and it's pretty cool. In a weird, and probably Hallmark-movie cheesy sort of way, it feels like 'they're with me on this- they got my back'. Second of all, there could be people that legitimately don't know much about child abuse, or don't think about it because it hasn't impacted them. So there is an opportunity for raising that level of social awareness.
However, as I have thought about it and talked it through with a giant dinosaur (trust me, it's not as weird as it sounds), I realize that it simply cannot end here. I can't just put my smiley pretty face back up on Monday and just go about my business. Because then, it really becomes a question of why did I participate? Did I participate because I thought it would be 'cool'? Well no, I really want to make a difference. Did I change my profile picture because other people did? Um, no...while I'm not immune to following the crowd, I generally do a decent job of thinking for myself. So why?
Well, obviously it's because as a father of two young children, I realize their precious innocence, and how important and formative these years are and how big a part love and affection play in their development. Having worked with abused and neglected children for almost five years, I know the short and long term effects that abuse can have- destroying all the potential of a young life before it even gets started.
So that is why I have to keep taking this forward. Because there are people out there that don't have the ability to just flow in and out of reality. Many people are stuck where they are- and sometimes that involves cigarette burns and beatings. We live in such a crazy, messed up world, and I know I can't save it- but that doesn't mean I can't make it better for someone else.
It's tough sometimes because there simply isn't enough time/energy/resources to get involved with every single cause that I want to. But this is one of them. This is one of them that I want desperately to succeed. Like the starfish washed up on the shore, I know that we can't save them all- but man, to even make the difference in the lives of a few- even one- how wonderful that would be!
A couple things. First of all- I did it. Call me a 'lemming', but I read the cause, knew it was something I wanted to participate in, and hunted down a Captain Planet photo.
Secondly, I'm very aware that child abuse will not cease because I did this. And I would hope that everybody who took a few seconds to find a new profile pic realizes this as well. Unless we dip into the magic profile pic pool, then we're more than likely not doing anything more than decorating our Facebook profile with a virtual bumper sticker.
So why do we do this stuff, then? Why do we post the "97% of you won't repost this" statuses? Why do we change our profile pictures , or post provocative "I like it in _____" statuses, or fill out 'Top 25 Random Things About Me' notes? I think it's because we miss being a part of people's lives- and letting people into our own.
Genuine human connection is virtually gone. I know that I have a difficult time functioning in the face to face world some times- there's always this awkward tension as we constantly bump into people who are trying so hard to put their best mistake-free social face on- just like us. But the virtual world? Sign me up, man! I can cut and paste, I can erase, I can change my face. And if I don't feel like participating? I tune it out, I shut it down. I don't respond. The consequences of my silence are usually much less severe than in reality, and I have much more manipulative power over my social persona.
So these Facebook memes, as they're apparently called (I know, right? Who would have thought me, behind the times?), serve a pretty important function- they allow us to feel connected with people. They make us feel like we belong, like we a part of something that is more than just our own existence.
Is this pathetic- or is it the new reality? Things have been changing so rapidly over the past 20-30 years, and the snowball is an avalanche, at this point- I'm not so sure it can be easily stopped (if at all).
But some of it is that we (and I staple myself to this bad boy, lemmetellya!) get so drawn into our patterns, and our routines, and our own private virtual realities, that we are just content to live there- venturing out into the real world only in small increments, at our own convenience.
Unfortunately, not everyone lives at that level of luxury. Not everybody can afford to just switch it on and off. And this whole Facebook child abuse awareness thing has got me thinking on that. I changed my profile picture to 'campaign against child abuse', as I said earlier. But is that really what I'm doing? Is Captain Planet really going to save all the babies?
Now, I don't want to go the polar extreme and say that I'm wasting time. It's not a waste of time. First of all, like I said, it's a human connection, which is usually a good thing. I see all the pictures of my friends changed into cartoon characters, and it's pretty cool. In a weird, and probably Hallmark-movie cheesy sort of way, it feels like 'they're with me on this- they got my back'. Second of all, there could be people that legitimately don't know much about child abuse, or don't think about it because it hasn't impacted them. So there is an opportunity for raising that level of social awareness.
However, as I have thought about it and talked it through with a giant dinosaur (trust me, it's not as weird as it sounds), I realize that it simply cannot end here. I can't just put my smiley pretty face back up on Monday and just go about my business. Because then, it really becomes a question of why did I participate? Did I participate because I thought it would be 'cool'? Well no, I really want to make a difference. Did I change my profile picture because other people did? Um, no...while I'm not immune to following the crowd, I generally do a decent job of thinking for myself. So why?
Well, obviously it's because as a father of two young children, I realize their precious innocence, and how important and formative these years are and how big a part love and affection play in their development. Having worked with abused and neglected children for almost five years, I know the short and long term effects that abuse can have- destroying all the potential of a young life before it even gets started.
So that is why I have to keep taking this forward. Because there are people out there that don't have the ability to just flow in and out of reality. Many people are stuck where they are- and sometimes that involves cigarette burns and beatings. We live in such a crazy, messed up world, and I know I can't save it- but that doesn't mean I can't make it better for someone else.
It's tough sometimes because there simply isn't enough time/energy/resources to get involved with every single cause that I want to. But this is one of them. This is one of them that I want desperately to succeed. Like the starfish washed up on the shore, I know that we can't save them all- but man, to even make the difference in the lives of a few- even one- how wonderful that would be!
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
Snow Flurries transaction report- or in other words, why things fell apart when they did
I know, I know- there is still a week left of the season, 3 weeks of post season. But as I have already bared my soul for all to see, the NORTH Michigan Snow Flurries are done. The only thing we have left to play for is pride...and screw that, I say. We've been playing for pride. Now the only thing left to play for is to not have the #1 overall pick because in a serpentine draft system, the top pick is almost more of a curse than a blessing, because then you have to basically wait 2 whole rounds before you can pick again. Plus, who wants to tell their friends that they were the worst fantasy football player in their league last year. Actually, who talks about fantasy football to their friends?
Where did it all go wrong? Some might say injuries- and while there is some truth to that, the other truth is that there are always great waiver-wire finds throughout the season. Kyle Orton, Peyton Hillis, and Michael Vick are just a few of the names that ended up being available via waiver wire. This is one of the components of being a champion- you have to know when a free-floating football player is getting ready to explode, while knowing which player on your roster is ready to be cut loose. It's a dog-eat-dog food world out there.
Was I able to find any of them- or anyone worth while? Only this exclusive inside-my-mind feature will be able to answer that question. The inside-my-mind commentary will be in italics. In case you couldn't figure that out.
Sept. 4- Dropped Donnie Avery- Possibly a prophetic draft pick, because I found out after I drafted him that he was out for the year. Maybe next season I should at least do a little bit of prep work...
Sept. 6- Added Sam Bradford- Sam actually will be starting his first game for the Snow Flurries in Week 13- but he has looked very good on my bench this season, and is definitely in line for keeper status- after all, this guy has the look of a future superstar all over him, and a great keeper can go a long way in keeping an injury-filled season afloat (see- Manning, Peyton; Johnson, Chris;Brady, Tom, etc.).
Sept. 15- Dropped Ryan Grant, added Patriots defense-Once I realized that the longer I kept Grant around, the more likely it was that his teammates would realize that he was, in fact, alive, I had to drop him like a bad habit. I don't really have anything to say about the Patriots D.
Sept. 23- Traded Patriots D, Dustin Keller, T.J. Houshmanzadeh to dad for Anquan Boldin, Heath Miller, and Tim Hightower- Ah yes. The Patriots D. I was able to throw them in this trade for what ended up being Anquan Boldin. Unfortunately, Boldin was mentally unable to rebound from the time when I benched him and he scored 33 points, and wound up in a late-season free fall. This trade ended up basically doing nothing for anyone.
Sept. 29- Dropped Mohammed Massaquoi, added Jabar Gaffney- Another inconsequential move, other than to give me a guy that I would occasionally look at on the bench and wonder 'Why didn't I play that guy?'.
Oct.2- Dropped Miller, added Aaron Hernandez- Hernandez will always be synonymous in my mind with 'what might have been'. Do you know how frustrating it is to always read the football 'experts' talk about what a match-up nightmare that Hernandez is- and to so infrequently see that show up in his statistics? Does it matter to me that his abilities make things easier for the New England offense? This isn't fantasy compassion damnit, it's fantasy football!
Oct. 13- Added Tony Scheffler and Mike Hart, dropped Hightower- The Tim Hightower Experiment wasn't one of my finer moments. See ya! Hart- well, I was just hoping Hart could recapture some of the magic that made him one of the best high school running backs of all time. Or at least not suck very much. Scheffler was another one of my failed experiments to replace Jermichael Finley.
Oct. 16- Dropped Lawrence Tynes, added Sebastion Janikowski- Tynes was not 100% sure thing to kick for the Giants that week, so I figured 'what the hey' and picked up the Raiders K. What was initially meant to be a one week trial for Janikowski ended up in a full-ride scholarship. Hey, if colleges can pay their players under the table, surely a Fantasy Football team can offer to pay for a guy's education.
Oct. 20- Dropped Hart, added Chris Ivory- Going off of memory here- I believe that the only reason that Hart was even playing was that the guys ahead of him were hurt...and then he got hurt. And the guys ahead of him were getting better. Or something like that, who knows. Only, nostalgia is no reason to keep someone around in Fantasy Football. So sayonara Mike Hart. As for Chris Ivory? Injuries waylaid him too...just long enough for me to drop him, someone else to pick him up, and for him to score 15 points in back-to-back weeks late in the season, which of course for me would have been amazing.
Oct. 27- Dropped Ravens D, added Cardinals D and Ryan Fitzpatrick- I remember, very clearly, in the draft room when I drafted the Ravens D, and everyone was like, 'good pick Parksy'...and only 2 months later, I can't get rid of them fast enough. What happened, Ray Lewis? Are you trying to tell me that it's more important for you to win real games by playing sound defense than it is for you to score me lots of fantasy points by gambling and possibly get out of position? What kind of sick, sick bastard are you? Well, just to spite you, I not only dropped you from my roster, but I picked up the very Harvard-educated QB that carved you up like a cooked bird- the immortal Ryan Fitzpatrick.
Oct. 30- Dropped Jermichael Finley, Michael Crabtree and Sam Bradford, added Josh Freeman and Mike Williams- I am not usually prone to making careless or impulsive decisions...oh wait. Yes I am. However, this case isn't all careless or 100% impulsive. Freeman ended up starting some games for me, as did Williams. And besides- I picked up Crabtree and Bradford later on in the season. Obviously they were still available not because they were not very good- but out of blind loyalty to my managerial awesomeness they rebuffed all other offers and just waited around for me to call them back.
Nov. 2- Traded Chad Henne and Ryan Fitzpatrick for Jay Cutler and Jon Kitna- This trade actually worked out well for me. No, really, it did. After Tony Romo got hurt, there was a virtual QB carousel that never seemed to stop. By trading Henne and Doogie Howser, I was able to narrow it down to Josh Freeman. And if Kutler ever decided to snap out of his funk? Then I got a top tier fantasy QB for pennies on the dollar.
Nov. 3- Dropped Ivory, Kitna, and Scheffler, added Marcel Reese, Todd Heap, and Bradford, (Sam- welcome back- we missed ya! What's that? No no no no- that's not Jay Cutler chilling on the bench. Why would I pick up another QB- you're my #2 guy!) Also, at this point my search for running backs has all of the glamor of spring break college students and one night stands. I decided that I'm done with that. From now on, I'm going to be a faithful 2 running back guy (Turner and McFadden)...and, just to be safe, I'll get their back-ups too (Snelling and Reese). I suppose this is akin to marrying a woman, and then taking her sister to be your concubine. Unfortunately, I screwed up my waiver priorities,not thinking about the fact that no one would be going after Reese. And so it is that I messed up a chance to pick up Dallas Clark 2.0 (Jacob Tamme) at TE.
Nov. 10- Dropped Reese, added Josh Scobee- With my kicker on a bye week, I figured I'd add a kicker to help fill in for those missing points. And Reese was on a bye week too, so I was 100% confident if I ever wanted to add him to my roster again, I'd know right where to find him.
Nov. 13- Added Jacoby Ford- Anytime you have a young player with a name that can be legitimately pronounced more than seven different ways- well, you have to give that guy a chance, right?
Nov. 16- Dropped Josh Scobee- Well, I would have lost by more than 2 if I didn't have him, so thanks Josh. Oh, and thanks for missing 2 field goals and costing me the game, you twit (interesting bit of trivia...Josh Scobee was my first ever fantasy football kicker).
Nov. 17- Dropped Ford, added Crabtree- Sorry Jacoby. I'm sorry.
Nov. 23- Traded Mike Williams and Josh Freeman for Big Ben, John Kuhn- Well, after last season's controversy and chaos, it was nice to report that I was the perpetrator of this years first big conspiracy theory. Never mind the fact that this desperation move to get into the playoffs was contingent on A) Me winning both of my last two games, B) Team Doomsday losing both of his last two games, and C) Big Ben racking up huge amounts of fantasy points. Of course, most of those things didn't happen. Which is why I'll be watching the playoffs at home. On my TV. Hey, maybe I can invite the Detroit Lions over!
Nov. 23- Dropped John Kuhn- Dear John- I regret to inform you that you have been waived from the NORTH Michigan Snow Flurries. It's nothing personal- in fact, it's not you...it's me. You're a great guy, a hard working player, and you've even scored some. It's just that...well, the last two Packers I had ended up on Injured Reserve, and I have commitment issues.
Nov. 23- Traded Darren McFadden for Steve Johnson and Reggie Bush- This same trade was initially proposed to me with Javhid Best included. I turned it down, and counter-proposed the 2-for-1 trade. Oh, Javhid Best. I proposed a hail-mary trade for him after he torched the Eagles in Week 2, and was quickly turned down. Who would have thought that later in the season, Best would not only be a trade throw-in, but that he would get trade thrown-out?
As far as the trade itself goes- it was really just a strategical risk for me. McFadden has been a stud this year- but he's started to slow down as of late. Johnson, meanwhile, carries the p-word that all WRs carry. No, not that one. Potential. Maybe this is all in my head, but RBs seem to be more stable in their points- fluctuating usually on their TDs week to week. WRs? Sometimes they might get you 5 or 6, but one week they might get you a couple TDs, and a couple hundred yards and have like 20-30 points. Did it work? You'll have to tune in for my 2nd half synopsis to find out!
Nov. 24- Added Browns D- At this point in the season, anytime you can find a defense on the waiver wire that is playing a historically bad offense, you have to take a chance.
Nov. 30- Dropped Steve Smith, Cardinals D, Browns D, and Hernandez, added Rob Gronkowski- In what historians will likely call The Day That the Snow Flurries Waved The White Flag, I decided to waive the injured Smith (a solid possession receiver who would be a valuable playoff asset...if I was going to make the playoffs), my reserve defenses, and a rookie TE who could have been my amazing waiver wire pick-up. Unfortunately, Bill Belichik decided that I should have picked up the TE that his team drafted higher, and decided to mess with my mind by making Hernandez an integral part of the game plan just long enough to hook me in, and then BAM- he pulls him from relevance with the mere wave of his hand. Sheer cruelty. from the hand of the master. You win Belichik. This time.
Well, that's all the time we have for that. I hope you enjoyed it- or at the very least, you still want to be my friend. Like I said, tune in next time. For stuff.
Where did it all go wrong? Some might say injuries- and while there is some truth to that, the other truth is that there are always great waiver-wire finds throughout the season. Kyle Orton, Peyton Hillis, and Michael Vick are just a few of the names that ended up being available via waiver wire. This is one of the components of being a champion- you have to know when a free-floating football player is getting ready to explode, while knowing which player on your roster is ready to be cut loose. It's a dog-eat-dog food world out there.
Was I able to find any of them- or anyone worth while? Only this exclusive inside-my-mind feature will be able to answer that question. The inside-my-mind commentary will be in italics. In case you couldn't figure that out.
Sept. 4- Dropped Donnie Avery- Possibly a prophetic draft pick, because I found out after I drafted him that he was out for the year. Maybe next season I should at least do a little bit of prep work...
Sept. 6- Added Sam Bradford- Sam actually will be starting his first game for the Snow Flurries in Week 13- but he has looked very good on my bench this season, and is definitely in line for keeper status- after all, this guy has the look of a future superstar all over him, and a great keeper can go a long way in keeping an injury-filled season afloat (see- Manning, Peyton; Johnson, Chris;Brady, Tom, etc.).
Sept. 15- Dropped Ryan Grant, added Patriots defense-Once I realized that the longer I kept Grant around, the more likely it was that his teammates would realize that he was, in fact, alive, I had to drop him like a bad habit. I don't really have anything to say about the Patriots D.
Sept. 23- Traded Patriots D, Dustin Keller, T.J. Houshmanzadeh to dad for Anquan Boldin, Heath Miller, and Tim Hightower- Ah yes. The Patriots D. I was able to throw them in this trade for what ended up being Anquan Boldin. Unfortunately, Boldin was mentally unable to rebound from the time when I benched him and he scored 33 points, and wound up in a late-season free fall. This trade ended up basically doing nothing for anyone.
Sept. 29- Dropped Mohammed Massaquoi, added Jabar Gaffney- Another inconsequential move, other than to give me a guy that I would occasionally look at on the bench and wonder 'Why didn't I play that guy?'.
Oct.2- Dropped Miller, added Aaron Hernandez- Hernandez will always be synonymous in my mind with 'what might have been'. Do you know how frustrating it is to always read the football 'experts' talk about what a match-up nightmare that Hernandez is- and to so infrequently see that show up in his statistics? Does it matter to me that his abilities make things easier for the New England offense? This isn't fantasy compassion damnit, it's fantasy football!
Oct. 13- Added Tony Scheffler and Mike Hart, dropped Hightower- The Tim Hightower Experiment wasn't one of my finer moments. See ya! Hart- well, I was just hoping Hart could recapture some of the magic that made him one of the best high school running backs of all time. Or at least not suck very much. Scheffler was another one of my failed experiments to replace Jermichael Finley.
Oct. 16- Dropped Lawrence Tynes, added Sebastion Janikowski- Tynes was not 100% sure thing to kick for the Giants that week, so I figured 'what the hey' and picked up the Raiders K. What was initially meant to be a one week trial for Janikowski ended up in a full-ride scholarship. Hey, if colleges can pay their players under the table, surely a Fantasy Football team can offer to pay for a guy's education.
Oct. 20- Dropped Hart, added Chris Ivory- Going off of memory here- I believe that the only reason that Hart was even playing was that the guys ahead of him were hurt...and then he got hurt. And the guys ahead of him were getting better. Or something like that, who knows. Only, nostalgia is no reason to keep someone around in Fantasy Football. So sayonara Mike Hart. As for Chris Ivory? Injuries waylaid him too...just long enough for me to drop him, someone else to pick him up, and for him to score 15 points in back-to-back weeks late in the season, which of course for me would have been amazing.
Oct. 27- Dropped Ravens D, added Cardinals D and Ryan Fitzpatrick- I remember, very clearly, in the draft room when I drafted the Ravens D, and everyone was like, 'good pick Parksy'...and only 2 months later, I can't get rid of them fast enough. What happened, Ray Lewis? Are you trying to tell me that it's more important for you to win real games by playing sound defense than it is for you to score me lots of fantasy points by gambling and possibly get out of position? What kind of sick, sick bastard are you? Well, just to spite you, I not only dropped you from my roster, but I picked up the very Harvard-educated QB that carved you up like a cooked bird- the immortal Ryan Fitzpatrick.
Oct. 30- Dropped Jermichael Finley, Michael Crabtree and Sam Bradford, added Josh Freeman and Mike Williams- I am not usually prone to making careless or impulsive decisions...oh wait. Yes I am. However, this case isn't all careless or 100% impulsive. Freeman ended up starting some games for me, as did Williams. And besides- I picked up Crabtree and Bradford later on in the season. Obviously they were still available not because they were not very good- but out of blind loyalty to my managerial awesomeness they rebuffed all other offers and just waited around for me to call them back.
Nov. 2- Traded Chad Henne and Ryan Fitzpatrick for Jay Cutler and Jon Kitna- This trade actually worked out well for me. No, really, it did. After Tony Romo got hurt, there was a virtual QB carousel that never seemed to stop. By trading Henne and Doogie Howser, I was able to narrow it down to Josh Freeman. And if Kutler ever decided to snap out of his funk? Then I got a top tier fantasy QB for pennies on the dollar.
Nov. 3- Dropped Ivory, Kitna, and Scheffler, added Marcel Reese, Todd Heap, and Bradford, (Sam- welcome back- we missed ya! What's that? No no no no- that's not Jay Cutler chilling on the bench. Why would I pick up another QB- you're my #2 guy!) Also, at this point my search for running backs has all of the glamor of spring break college students and one night stands. I decided that I'm done with that. From now on, I'm going to be a faithful 2 running back guy (Turner and McFadden)...and, just to be safe, I'll get their back-ups too (Snelling and Reese). I suppose this is akin to marrying a woman, and then taking her sister to be your concubine. Unfortunately, I screwed up my waiver priorities,not thinking about the fact that no one would be going after Reese. And so it is that I messed up a chance to pick up Dallas Clark 2.0 (Jacob Tamme) at TE.
Nov. 10- Dropped Reese, added Josh Scobee- With my kicker on a bye week, I figured I'd add a kicker to help fill in for those missing points. And Reese was on a bye week too, so I was 100% confident if I ever wanted to add him to my roster again, I'd know right where to find him.
Nov. 13- Added Jacoby Ford- Anytime you have a young player with a name that can be legitimately pronounced more than seven different ways- well, you have to give that guy a chance, right?
Nov. 16- Dropped Josh Scobee- Well, I would have lost by more than 2 if I didn't have him, so thanks Josh. Oh, and thanks for missing 2 field goals and costing me the game, you twit (interesting bit of trivia...Josh Scobee was my first ever fantasy football kicker).
Nov. 17- Dropped Ford, added Crabtree- Sorry Jacoby. I'm sorry.
Nov. 23- Traded Mike Williams and Josh Freeman for Big Ben, John Kuhn- Well, after last season's controversy and chaos, it was nice to report that I was the perpetrator of this years first big conspiracy theory. Never mind the fact that this desperation move to get into the playoffs was contingent on A) Me winning both of my last two games, B) Team Doomsday losing both of his last two games, and C) Big Ben racking up huge amounts of fantasy points. Of course, most of those things didn't happen. Which is why I'll be watching the playoffs at home. On my TV. Hey, maybe I can invite the Detroit Lions over!
Nov. 23- Dropped John Kuhn- Dear John- I regret to inform you that you have been waived from the NORTH Michigan Snow Flurries. It's nothing personal- in fact, it's not you...it's me. You're a great guy, a hard working player, and you've even scored some. It's just that...well, the last two Packers I had ended up on Injured Reserve, and I have commitment issues.
Nov. 23- Traded Darren McFadden for Steve Johnson and Reggie Bush- This same trade was initially proposed to me with Javhid Best included. I turned it down, and counter-proposed the 2-for-1 trade. Oh, Javhid Best. I proposed a hail-mary trade for him after he torched the Eagles in Week 2, and was quickly turned down. Who would have thought that later in the season, Best would not only be a trade throw-in, but that he would get trade thrown-out?
As far as the trade itself goes- it was really just a strategical risk for me. McFadden has been a stud this year- but he's started to slow down as of late. Johnson, meanwhile, carries the p-word that all WRs carry. No, not that one. Potential. Maybe this is all in my head, but RBs seem to be more stable in their points- fluctuating usually on their TDs week to week. WRs? Sometimes they might get you 5 or 6, but one week they might get you a couple TDs, and a couple hundred yards and have like 20-30 points. Did it work? You'll have to tune in for my 2nd half synopsis to find out!
Nov. 24- Added Browns D- At this point in the season, anytime you can find a defense on the waiver wire that is playing a historically bad offense, you have to take a chance.
Nov. 30- Dropped Steve Smith, Cardinals D, Browns D, and Hernandez, added Rob Gronkowski- In what historians will likely call The Day That the Snow Flurries Waved The White Flag, I decided to waive the injured Smith (a solid possession receiver who would be a valuable playoff asset...if I was going to make the playoffs), my reserve defenses, and a rookie TE who could have been my amazing waiver wire pick-up. Unfortunately, Bill Belichik decided that I should have picked up the TE that his team drafted higher, and decided to mess with my mind by making Hernandez an integral part of the game plan just long enough to hook me in, and then BAM- he pulls him from relevance with the mere wave of his hand. Sheer cruelty. from the hand of the master. You win Belichik. This time.
Well, that's all the time we have for that. I hope you enjoyed it- or at the very least, you still want to be my friend. Like I said, tune in next time. For stuff.
Sunday, November 28, 2010
The Snow Flurries made it out alive except they died.
Well, that's it. We're done. Despite superhuman efforts from nearly everyone on the roster, The Snow Flurries of NORTH Michigan are not going to the postseason dance. Oh, we'll still be dancing, don't worry about that- it'll just be of the middle school variety. (technically, at the time of this publishing, there is still a puncher's chance at winning the game. I just need Michael Crabtree to score 36 points tonight, which would be half of what he has scored for the entire season).
It was a taxing season, to be sure. From the apparent death of Ryan Grant, to Tony Romo breaking his clavicle (what is a clavicle, really? Is that a member of the woodwind family?), my roster was never fully operational, and unfortunately they don't give fantasy points for heart. And now my season, smashed on the rocks, torn and beaten and stampeded (with a 2-5 division record to boot), has nothing to play for. Pride? Please. We spent the last nine weeks playing for pride, while also fighting desperately for a miracle shot at the playoffs. A shot that fell short. Way short.
Understand, this is not being written in bitterness or scorn. It's actually a bit of a relief, actually. Like putting down an old dog, the Snow Flurries have been fighting with everything they have just to reach a point where we could maybe be a playoff qualifier. It gets to a point where you have to say "I've forgotten what I started fightin' for".
We overcame injuries, and some terribly bad roster moves by me and nearly battled back to .500 on a couple occasions. I'm so proud of my team- and if I could draft this team as is for next season, I probably would. Actually, scratch that- I would have drafted much better. But perhaps more so than good drafting, being a champion in fantasy football involves luck, avoiding injuries (read: more luck), and having favorable match-ups (read: even more luck), and the chips simply did not fall my way this year.
Even though my fantasy season is over, my blogs about my fantasy season are not. After all, there is no way I could let you get out of reading my second half synopsis, transaction report, and final player grades. And I know you wouldn't want to, even if you could.
It was a taxing season, to be sure. From the apparent death of Ryan Grant, to Tony Romo breaking his clavicle (what is a clavicle, really? Is that a member of the woodwind family?), my roster was never fully operational, and unfortunately they don't give fantasy points for heart. And now my season, smashed on the rocks, torn and beaten and stampeded (with a 2-5 division record to boot), has nothing to play for. Pride? Please. We spent the last nine weeks playing for pride, while also fighting desperately for a miracle shot at the playoffs. A shot that fell short. Way short.
Understand, this is not being written in bitterness or scorn. It's actually a bit of a relief, actually. Like putting down an old dog, the Snow Flurries have been fighting with everything they have just to reach a point where we could maybe be a playoff qualifier. It gets to a point where you have to say "I've forgotten what I started fightin' for".
We overcame injuries, and some terribly bad roster moves by me and nearly battled back to .500 on a couple occasions. I'm so proud of my team- and if I could draft this team as is for next season, I probably would. Actually, scratch that- I would have drafted much better. But perhaps more so than good drafting, being a champion in fantasy football involves luck, avoiding injuries (read: more luck), and having favorable match-ups (read: even more luck), and the chips simply did not fall my way this year.
Even though my fantasy season is over, my blogs about my fantasy season are not. After all, there is no way I could let you get out of reading my second half synopsis, transaction report, and final player grades. And I know you wouldn't want to, even if you could.
Friday, November 26, 2010
Black Hole Friday- A Love Story
There are moments in a person's life where they can point to a change or transformation where they rose above the ruckus and ascended to a sort of 'higher' level of existence. Maybe it is coming into manhood. Possibly the birth of a child. Some people find some sort of mystical medallion that grants them magic powers.
This blog is not about any of that. This blog is about a dude (namely, me) who went Black Friday shopping for the first time yesterday- well, technically today. Black Friday has power to warp the perception of time.
I'm not sure how, or why I was persuaded to go Black Friday shopping- after all, I've managed to live through 30+ years of existence without being sucked into the universal emptiness that is Black Friday. (oh wait, I remember. Sara told me that I needed to go. Happy wife trumps happy sleepy time)
I imagine that the mental preparation of Black Friday is akin to that of a professional football team. You have to formulate a good game plan (here, let me see that Wal-mart ad). You have to manage your time well (Wal-mart at 12 am, Kohls at 3 am). You have to be patient (how long are we going to be waiting in line?). And finally, you have to attack the defense at its weakest point (there's the DVDs. I think I can muscle through that dude).
So we decided to attack Wal-mart first, because they decided to open their Black Friday (most of it) at 12:01 a.m. 12:01? What the hell Wal-mart? So basically you have decided to turn Black Friday into a graveyard shift endeavor. It probably doesn't help that we realized this at 9 o'clock p.m.- so any sort of meaningful sleep was out the window. And if you know me, you know that power naps are synonymous with sissy naps. A real nap should encompass hours. It should take you through a sleep cycle or two.
Why Wal-mart instead of rest? Aside from being a glutton for punishment, Wally world had a great deal on some DVD/Blu-rays (Bourne trilogy for $2 each, Lord of the Rings on Blu-Ray for $10 each), video games (Madden 11 for $29), and a really good deal on a vacuum cleaner. I can sleep every day- I'm not always going to be able to support capitalism like this.
This being my first Black Friday experience, I had NO idea what I was getting into. I knew it would be busy- I mean, humanity is not often prone to excessive exaggerating, so when you hear about Black Friday craziness multiple times from multiple sources, you have to believe it a little bit. But I still had NO idea of what I was getting into.
I thought that there'd be a few people standing around, waiting to snatch up some DVDs. I figured most people would wait until Wal-Mart put out their big electronics stuff at 5 a.m.
I was wrong. Dead wrong.
We got their about 20 minutes before midnight- and the parking lot was full. FULL. Not like, busy- it was FULL. And when we got inside, it was worse- way worse. There were these sacred temples of 12:01 goods set up all over the store, and people were jam packed all around them. Okay- so obviously I underestimated the desire of people to get great deals on stuff that is essentially useless.
Sara and I wandered around for a few minutes, trying to locate the DVDs and video games. Like any type of rational people, we checked the electronics section first. Because that's where they sell DVDs and video games every other day of the year, right?
Naturally, they put the DVDs in the produce section, which we didn't realize until the buzzer sounded and the people began to gut the temples of their precious innards. Frantically, we began to tear through the masses of bodies in order to get to the only thing (other than the vacuum) that we came for- digital Hollywood.
I won't bore you with too many details, other than that we were able to muscle our way in and secure all three of the Lord of the Rings on Blu-Ray (although I had to go back into the lions den when Sara realized that she had grabbed some without the special stickers on them), Madden 11, and 33 percent of the Bourne movies. We also got a real good deal on some avocados.
In the end, the actual experience at Wal-mart was much better than I expected- other than the terrible misdirection and the fact that there was no traffic controller for the people wanting to check out. So we stood in line for over an hour when we probably could have been done in like a half-hour if Wal-mart would have had one or two employees whose only job was to tell people that 'hey, you can go here, because this line is open'. Really I think it's a passive aggressive jab at we, the people. "We have to get up early, and cater to you pricks? Well, you can stand around in line for exorbitant amounts of time for no reason". Well played, Wal-mart, well played.
After a quick (and fairly out of the way) pit stop at Mickey D's for some coffee (which ended up being more trouble than it was worth, thanks to their hot beverage and iced coffee machines being out of order) which ended up with me getting a McFlurry and a Frappe', which is basically like a McFlurry without the ice cream or toppings, we ran to Kohls.
I blame Kohl's for this escalation of Black Friday. This statement is in no way based in any sort of empirical way, but feel free to assume that it is true. See, last year, Kohl's opened at 4 a.m. That's pretty reasonable- I mean, 4 is almost 5, and 5 is a legitimate time in the morning to be awake (at least, that's what society tells us- realistically, I'm not sure any a.m. time should be experienced unless it involves sleep). However, this year Kohl's decided to open at 3.
Do you see where this is going? It's going to be an arms race of Black Friday times. Wal-mart already upped the ante by opening at 12:01. Pretty soon, Black Friday is going to be the Friday before Thanksgiving. It's just ridiculous.
And I would hate to be an employee at one of those places. I have to work when? 3 o'clock? In the morning??? Yeah right. I think that this is what Marx envisioned when he talked about the dictatorship of the proletariat. Eventually, minimum wage workers all over the United States are going to get pissed and do something about it. And then, only then, can Black Friday really be called Black Friday.
But that is not where we're at right now. Right now, we're all lemmings, and so we file into Kohl's at the ungodly hour of 3 a.m. Actually, this was probably the best bad-ass moment of the night (morning?). We got there right at 3, eschewing the traditional waiting in the line. I'm sorry- it's cold out. It's really late (early?). I am not going to stand in line outside just to go inside and stand in another line.
So we start walking in right towards the doors. Rather than keep going to the left and get to the back of the line, we just go right for the door. Screw it, this is Black Friday, and there is no reason to completely adhere to all the social norms, right? Not only that, but a group of us stormed the door that said "Do not use this door". Yeah, that's right- your signs are meaningless to us.
Of course, Kohl's flexed their bourgeoisie muscles by giving the boot to the guy walking around giving out Free Hugs. Thanks for the 3 free hugs Free Hug guy- but I'm not about to give up my spot in line in order to fight for your right to give out free hugs.
Kohls definitely had their crap in order. There were dudes all along the way telling us where to go to stand in line. Which was good, because it was like this long snake-like line all the way through the store. BTW, well played Kohls- we probably spent another $40-$50 as we wound our way through the store waiting in line.
In the end, we wound up with everything that we wanted from Kohls. But I do have something about Kohls that I want to say. It's not exclusive to Black Friday- but it's definitely a Kohls thing.
I have come to realize that Kohls is basically a fancy dollar store. That can be the only explanation for the fact that not only is everything on sale all the time- but they also offer additional coupons (15% off yesterday) and Kohls cash as well ($30). Our cashier told us that we saved like $240 when it was all told.
Yeah right. You think you can mark stuff way up so that you can mark it way down, and then tell me that I saved money? What you mean is that you bamboozled me for goods that I could have secured at any Family Dollar- you just have name recognition, so you can get away with it.
(Note: I do think Kohls has quality items- Their only crime is that they assume that people are stupid.)
(Shut up)
Well, that's about all I have to say about losing my Black Friday virginity. Will I do it again? I'm sure I will. I can see how experience could lead to securing even more and more things that we don't really need at really good prices. And isn't that what Black Friday is all about?
This blog is not about any of that. This blog is about a dude (namely, me) who went Black Friday shopping for the first time yesterday- well, technically today. Black Friday has power to warp the perception of time.
I'm not sure how, or why I was persuaded to go Black Friday shopping- after all, I've managed to live through 30+ years of existence without being sucked into the universal emptiness that is Black Friday. (oh wait, I remember. Sara told me that I needed to go. Happy wife trumps happy sleepy time)
I imagine that the mental preparation of Black Friday is akin to that of a professional football team. You have to formulate a good game plan (here, let me see that Wal-mart ad). You have to manage your time well (Wal-mart at 12 am, Kohls at 3 am). You have to be patient (how long are we going to be waiting in line?). And finally, you have to attack the defense at its weakest point (there's the DVDs. I think I can muscle through that dude).
So we decided to attack Wal-mart first, because they decided to open their Black Friday (most of it) at 12:01 a.m. 12:01? What the hell Wal-mart? So basically you have decided to turn Black Friday into a graveyard shift endeavor. It probably doesn't help that we realized this at 9 o'clock p.m.- so any sort of meaningful sleep was out the window. And if you know me, you know that power naps are synonymous with sissy naps. A real nap should encompass hours. It should take you through a sleep cycle or two.
Why Wal-mart instead of rest? Aside from being a glutton for punishment, Wally world had a great deal on some DVD/Blu-rays (Bourne trilogy for $2 each, Lord of the Rings on Blu-Ray for $10 each), video games (Madden 11 for $29), and a really good deal on a vacuum cleaner. I can sleep every day- I'm not always going to be able to support capitalism like this.
This being my first Black Friday experience, I had NO idea what I was getting into. I knew it would be busy- I mean, humanity is not often prone to excessive exaggerating, so when you hear about Black Friday craziness multiple times from multiple sources, you have to believe it a little bit. But I still had NO idea of what I was getting into.
I thought that there'd be a few people standing around, waiting to snatch up some DVDs. I figured most people would wait until Wal-Mart put out their big electronics stuff at 5 a.m.
I was wrong. Dead wrong.
We got their about 20 minutes before midnight- and the parking lot was full. FULL. Not like, busy- it was FULL. And when we got inside, it was worse- way worse. There were these sacred temples of 12:01 goods set up all over the store, and people were jam packed all around them. Okay- so obviously I underestimated the desire of people to get great deals on stuff that is essentially useless.
Sara and I wandered around for a few minutes, trying to locate the DVDs and video games. Like any type of rational people, we checked the electronics section first. Because that's where they sell DVDs and video games every other day of the year, right?
Naturally, they put the DVDs in the produce section, which we didn't realize until the buzzer sounded and the people began to gut the temples of their precious innards. Frantically, we began to tear through the masses of bodies in order to get to the only thing (other than the vacuum) that we came for- digital Hollywood.
I won't bore you with too many details, other than that we were able to muscle our way in and secure all three of the Lord of the Rings on Blu-Ray (although I had to go back into the lions den when Sara realized that she had grabbed some without the special stickers on them), Madden 11, and 33 percent of the Bourne movies. We also got a real good deal on some avocados.
In the end, the actual experience at Wal-mart was much better than I expected- other than the terrible misdirection and the fact that there was no traffic controller for the people wanting to check out. So we stood in line for over an hour when we probably could have been done in like a half-hour if Wal-mart would have had one or two employees whose only job was to tell people that 'hey, you can go here, because this line is open'. Really I think it's a passive aggressive jab at we, the people. "We have to get up early, and cater to you pricks? Well, you can stand around in line for exorbitant amounts of time for no reason". Well played, Wal-mart, well played.
After a quick (and fairly out of the way) pit stop at Mickey D's for some coffee (which ended up being more trouble than it was worth, thanks to their hot beverage and iced coffee machines being out of order) which ended up with me getting a McFlurry and a Frappe', which is basically like a McFlurry without the ice cream or toppings, we ran to Kohls.
I blame Kohl's for this escalation of Black Friday. This statement is in no way based in any sort of empirical way, but feel free to assume that it is true. See, last year, Kohl's opened at 4 a.m. That's pretty reasonable- I mean, 4 is almost 5, and 5 is a legitimate time in the morning to be awake (at least, that's what society tells us- realistically, I'm not sure any a.m. time should be experienced unless it involves sleep). However, this year Kohl's decided to open at 3.
Do you see where this is going? It's going to be an arms race of Black Friday times. Wal-mart already upped the ante by opening at 12:01. Pretty soon, Black Friday is going to be the Friday before Thanksgiving. It's just ridiculous.
And I would hate to be an employee at one of those places. I have to work when? 3 o'clock? In the morning??? Yeah right. I think that this is what Marx envisioned when he talked about the dictatorship of the proletariat. Eventually, minimum wage workers all over the United States are going to get pissed and do something about it. And then, only then, can Black Friday really be called Black Friday.
But that is not where we're at right now. Right now, we're all lemmings, and so we file into Kohl's at the ungodly hour of 3 a.m. Actually, this was probably the best bad-ass moment of the night (morning?). We got there right at 3, eschewing the traditional waiting in the line. I'm sorry- it's cold out. It's really late (early?). I am not going to stand in line outside just to go inside and stand in another line.
So we start walking in right towards the doors. Rather than keep going to the left and get to the back of the line, we just go right for the door. Screw it, this is Black Friday, and there is no reason to completely adhere to all the social norms, right? Not only that, but a group of us stormed the door that said "Do not use this door". Yeah, that's right- your signs are meaningless to us.
Of course, Kohl's flexed their bourgeoisie muscles by giving the boot to the guy walking around giving out Free Hugs. Thanks for the 3 free hugs Free Hug guy- but I'm not about to give up my spot in line in order to fight for your right to give out free hugs.
Kohls definitely had their crap in order. There were dudes all along the way telling us where to go to stand in line. Which was good, because it was like this long snake-like line all the way through the store. BTW, well played Kohls- we probably spent another $40-$50 as we wound our way through the store waiting in line.
In the end, we wound up with everything that we wanted from Kohls. But I do have something about Kohls that I want to say. It's not exclusive to Black Friday- but it's definitely a Kohls thing.
I have come to realize that Kohls is basically a fancy dollar store. That can be the only explanation for the fact that not only is everything on sale all the time- but they also offer additional coupons (15% off yesterday) and Kohls cash as well ($30). Our cashier told us that we saved like $240 when it was all told.
Yeah right. You think you can mark stuff way up so that you can mark it way down, and then tell me that I saved money? What you mean is that you bamboozled me for goods that I could have secured at any Family Dollar- you just have name recognition, so you can get away with it.
(Note: I do think Kohls has quality items- Their only crime is that they assume that people are stupid.)
(Shut up)
Well, that's about all I have to say about losing my Black Friday virginity. Will I do it again? I'm sure I will. I can see how experience could lead to securing even more and more things that we don't really need at really good prices. And isn't that what Black Friday is all about?
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
News Flash- Ohio State President is Idiot
There are things that I am, and things that I am not. And one of the things that I am not is afraid to sit here at my computer and say mean things about people. After all, isn't that what we bloggers do? Sit behind our fortresses of facelessness and beef up our bravado?
I read an article today on ESPN.com where The Ohio State U president E. Gordon Gee (Is that his real name? Was he born on Sesame Street? Thank you Santa for the early Christmas Present), or EGG as I will dub him, spouted off his opinion about mid-majors Boise State and TCU and their unworthiness of a national championship game appearance despite their undefeatedness. Now, the presidents of Boise State and TCU have already responded (which makes me smile), but I, the nameless and faceless hero, have not. But I can take it no longer- the silence has made my blood boil, and now I must unboil the blood by being unsilent. Besides, surely an NMU graduate calling out a major college president isn't the silliest calling-out to happen today.
First of all- let it be known that Gee is obviously biased in his assessment. After all- if Boise State and/or TCU get at-large bids in the BCS- well, there is a good chance that OSU is on the outside looking in, since they trail Wisconsin in the most recent BCS standings (and the BCS standings would determine the Big 10 champion if it ended in a 3-way tie), and they trail Boise State and TCU as well. There is a lot of money to be made, and right now, EGG is only in a position to window shop that money.
So what else to do, except go out into the media and plead your case to the masses. I remember Nebraska doing the same thing in 1997- Michigan and Nebraska were both undefeated, but Michigan was number 1, and there was no BCS back then, no way for them to actually settle it on the field. Naturally, what else is a Cornhusker to do except make a lot of noise about how they would just destroy Michigan on the football field (well, that and to have legendary Nebraska coach Tom Osborne retire just before their bowl game. Interesting timing Tom).
Now that we've established that EGG is at best unreliable because he is too close to the situation to be a really objective observer, we can begin to rip on the things that he said.
Far be it from me to judge another human being though. So while I allow the very words of EGG to echo throughout all of teh interwebz, I'll let you make the call. Well, I'll let you make the call after I tell you what he said and then provide my own possibly-slanted commentary.
The following are actual EGG quotes
-"Well, I don't know enough about the X's and O's of college football"- No commentary. Slam dunk. Anytime someone admits that they are ignorant about something, you just slide into 'pretend to listen' mode. If you are trying to speak authoritatively on a subject and then admit that you don't really know much about that subject- then you just laid an egg. EGG.
- "I do know, having been both a Southeastern Conference president and a Big Ten president, that it's like murderer's row every week for these schools." First of all, I've seen The Longest Yard. Both of them. So I can definitively say that you do not play murderer's row every week. Maybe armed robbers row? Or white collar criminals row? I don't know- I'm sure Ohio and Eastern Michigan are not perpetrators of any violent crimes.
-"We do not play the Little Sisters of the Poor. We play very fine schools on any given day."-Oh right, how silly of me to forget that the Big 10 is home to such football goliaths as Indiana (4-7), Purdue (4-7, lost to Toledo), and Minnesota (2-9, lost to South Dakota). On second thought, I believe you owe Little Sisters of the Poor an apology.
-"So I think until a university runs through that gantlet that there's some reason to believe that they not be the best teams to [be] in the big ballgame."- Aside from structurally being a confusing statement- you've already admitted that you don't know much about football. There's much more to the game then the name of the school, or the name of the conference.
-"If you put a gun to my head and said, 'What are you going to do about a playoff system (if) the BCS system as it now exists goes away?'"- What kind of sick masochist thinks of this kind of stuff? Why would somebody ask you a question like that with a gun to your head? They aren't making you do something against your will- they're merely asking for information. 'Give me your opinion or I'll shoot you'. Yeah, that's not how it works- trust me, I've seen Taken.
-"It's not about this incessant drive to have a national championship because I think that's a slippery slope to professionalism"- Because there aren't any athletes getting paid in college sports at this time.
-"I'm a fan of the bowl system and I think that by and large it's worked very, very well."- Let's ask 1994 Penn State about that bowl system. I guess the success depends on how you define your goals. If you want a bunch of meaningless games played in warm weather locations in front of sparsely populated stadiums? The bowl system has been amazing. If you want a definitive national champion? The bowl system sucks ass-assin.
-"You know, it's a mystery," Gee said. "We were No. 1 then No. 11 then No. 7 and we ended up playing for the national championship. I think I kind of like that mixed-up mystery."- You know what else would have mystery and intrigue? Putting the names of all the colleges in the country onto a dartboard, and then putting on a blindfold and throwing darts until you hit the name of a school on the dartboard, and then proclaiming that college as the National Champion.
Mr. EGG, I don't know much about you, other than the fact that you have an amazing name and that you are president of one of the most prestigious universities in all the land. As sole owner and contributor to this blog, I have made many posts that ended up making me look like a fool. This is, of course, in addition to the countless accolades of foolishness I have accumulated over a lifetime of being a fool. When it comes to being a fool, I am peerless as an expert.
So believe me when I tell you that your comments about college football- well, they made you look like a fool. Admittedly, there is no love lost between me and your university (well, there was a little love lost when my bestest cousinfriend Chris went to your school)- but please- I am extending the olive branch now. Leave football alone, and concentrate on the academics of your fine institution
If you continue to put your nose where it doesn't belong- you might just end up poached. Oh come on, I was on a roll. You know you love it.
I read an article today on ESPN.com where The Ohio State U president E. Gordon Gee (Is that his real name? Was he born on Sesame Street? Thank you Santa for the early Christmas Present), or EGG as I will dub him, spouted off his opinion about mid-majors Boise State and TCU and their unworthiness of a national championship game appearance despite their undefeatedness. Now, the presidents of Boise State and TCU have already responded (which makes me smile), but I, the nameless and faceless hero, have not. But I can take it no longer- the silence has made my blood boil, and now I must unboil the blood by being unsilent. Besides, surely an NMU graduate calling out a major college president isn't the silliest calling-out to happen today.
First of all- let it be known that Gee is obviously biased in his assessment. After all- if Boise State and/or TCU get at-large bids in the BCS- well, there is a good chance that OSU is on the outside looking in, since they trail Wisconsin in the most recent BCS standings (and the BCS standings would determine the Big 10 champion if it ended in a 3-way tie), and they trail Boise State and TCU as well. There is a lot of money to be made, and right now, EGG is only in a position to window shop that money.
So what else to do, except go out into the media and plead your case to the masses. I remember Nebraska doing the same thing in 1997- Michigan and Nebraska were both undefeated, but Michigan was number 1, and there was no BCS back then, no way for them to actually settle it on the field. Naturally, what else is a Cornhusker to do except make a lot of noise about how they would just destroy Michigan on the football field (well, that and to have legendary Nebraska coach Tom Osborne retire just before their bowl game. Interesting timing Tom).
Now that we've established that EGG is at best unreliable because he is too close to the situation to be a really objective observer, we can begin to rip on the things that he said.
Far be it from me to judge another human being though. So while I allow the very words of EGG to echo throughout all of teh interwebz, I'll let you make the call. Well, I'll let you make the call after I tell you what he said and then provide my own possibly-slanted commentary.
The following are actual EGG quotes
-"Well, I don't know enough about the X's and O's of college football"- No commentary. Slam dunk. Anytime someone admits that they are ignorant about something, you just slide into 'pretend to listen' mode. If you are trying to speak authoritatively on a subject and then admit that you don't really know much about that subject- then you just laid an egg. EGG.
- "I do know, having been both a Southeastern Conference president and a Big Ten president, that it's like murderer's row every week for these schools." First of all, I've seen The Longest Yard. Both of them. So I can definitively say that you do not play murderer's row every week. Maybe armed robbers row? Or white collar criminals row? I don't know- I'm sure Ohio and Eastern Michigan are not perpetrators of any violent crimes.
-"We do not play the Little Sisters of the Poor. We play very fine schools on any given day."-Oh right, how silly of me to forget that the Big 10 is home to such football goliaths as Indiana (4-7), Purdue (4-7, lost to Toledo), and Minnesota (2-9, lost to South Dakota). On second thought, I believe you owe Little Sisters of the Poor an apology.
-"So I think until a university runs through that gantlet that there's some reason to believe that they not be the best teams to [be] in the big ballgame."- Aside from structurally being a confusing statement- you've already admitted that you don't know much about football. There's much more to the game then the name of the school, or the name of the conference.
-"If you put a gun to my head and said, 'What are you going to do about a playoff system (if) the BCS system as it now exists goes away?'"- What kind of sick masochist thinks of this kind of stuff? Why would somebody ask you a question like that with a gun to your head? They aren't making you do something against your will- they're merely asking for information. 'Give me your opinion or I'll shoot you'. Yeah, that's not how it works- trust me, I've seen Taken.
-"It's not about this incessant drive to have a national championship because I think that's a slippery slope to professionalism"- Because there aren't any athletes getting paid in college sports at this time.
-"I'm a fan of the bowl system and I think that by and large it's worked very, very well."- Let's ask 1994 Penn State about that bowl system. I guess the success depends on how you define your goals. If you want a bunch of meaningless games played in warm weather locations in front of sparsely populated stadiums? The bowl system has been amazing. If you want a definitive national champion? The bowl system sucks ass-assin.
-"You know, it's a mystery," Gee said. "We were No. 1 then No. 11 then No. 7 and we ended up playing for the national championship. I think I kind of like that mixed-up mystery."- You know what else would have mystery and intrigue? Putting the names of all the colleges in the country onto a dartboard, and then putting on a blindfold and throwing darts until you hit the name of a school on the dartboard, and then proclaiming that college as the National Champion.
Mr. EGG, I don't know much about you, other than the fact that you have an amazing name and that you are president of one of the most prestigious universities in all the land. As sole owner and contributor to this blog, I have made many posts that ended up making me look like a fool. This is, of course, in addition to the countless accolades of foolishness I have accumulated over a lifetime of being a fool. When it comes to being a fool, I am peerless as an expert.
So believe me when I tell you that your comments about college football- well, they made you look like a fool. Admittedly, there is no love lost between me and your university (well, there was a little love lost when my bestest cousinfriend Chris went to your school)- but please- I am extending the olive branch now. Leave football alone, and concentrate on the academics of your fine institution
If you continue to put your nose where it doesn't belong- you might just end up poached. Oh come on, I was on a roll. You know you love it.
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
Election Day
This is the second poem that I wrote for submission in a social work journal poetry contest. As the title would indicate, it was written as my perspective of the state of politics in our country. Whether you are Republican, Democrat, Independent, etc., it's very obvious that there is a significant negative energy associated with the political scene, and that energy is completely counter productive. Both sides are more interested in mud slinging and making themselves appear above reproach- and it's frankly sickening me.
Like my first poem, the premise of this one is that as the human nation, we share so much with our fellow man and yet we throw all those commonalities to the curb in the interest of our differences. I'm not trying to say that we should all be the same- because aside from being boring, that would be counter-productive. We need a degree of conflict and tension in order to keep the machine humming along. However, this can occur without the needless attacks and finger pointing.
As you read this, try and hold hands with someone and sing 'Kumbaya'.
Election Day
We’re all a “they” to “them”
To some men
Each side firing the weapons of “their” demise
At the other guys
Insults like boomerangs, we fire away with blind eyes
But aren’t “we” the “other” guys?
Oh, no time to sit and discuss, because of this mistrust we let fester
This unity we’ve sequestered
We cast votes, we cast stones
United as alone
Let’s abuse the issues until the hatred is diffused
So we can win and “they” lose.
Meanwhile the walls around us crumble and fall
And still we point the finger at “them” all
The world we live in together can still be saved
But we’d rather take our pride to our graves
Like my first poem, the premise of this one is that as the human nation, we share so much with our fellow man and yet we throw all those commonalities to the curb in the interest of our differences. I'm not trying to say that we should all be the same- because aside from being boring, that would be counter-productive. We need a degree of conflict and tension in order to keep the machine humming along. However, this can occur without the needless attacks and finger pointing.
As you read this, try and hold hands with someone and sing 'Kumbaya'.
Election Day
We’re all a “they” to “them”
To some men
Each side firing the weapons of “their” demise
At the other guys
Insults like boomerangs, we fire away with blind eyes
But aren’t “we” the “other” guys?
Oh, no time to sit and discuss, because of this mistrust we let fester
This unity we’ve sequestered
We cast votes, we cast stones
United as alone
Let’s abuse the issues until the hatred is diffused
So we can win and “they” lose.
Meanwhile the walls around us crumble and fall
And still we point the finger at “them” all
The world we live in together can still be saved
But we’d rather take our pride to our graves
Monday, November 22, 2010
When there's nothing else to say- you poem it!
So I know that I need to write. Only- I don't know what to write. My interests are far too varied to focus in on any one thing, as some other bloggers do- which works to my advantage and my disadvantage. On the one hand, I feel like I can write on any number of topics- which keeps you, the reader, in constant suspense. The suspense is constant, right? On the other hand, with a singular focus, there can be a driving passion that spurs one on towards that one, singular goal, which can make it easier to press on in those times when motivation and time are lacking.
I know that I need to write, because I feel like it's my connection to my soul. Writing helps me to know that I'm alive, in my mind. I write to unscramble the labyrinth of thoughts in my head- to lay hold of the man that I know that I am, and yet somehow am not. Right now, it's just not happening. Call it hangover, call it backsliding- but I know that I can be so much more than I am, and while the circumstances of my life might be static, my mind should be constantly be moving forward. Right now- I'm not there.
This song and dance is tired, and I know that I've repeatedly chronicled this struggle in this very blog- the desire to write, the absence of writing, the whys of the absence of writing, and the plan to move forward. I realize that every time I do this, I lose credibility. My retort to that is- this is a blog. A blog written by me. How much credibility did I even have to start with?
In some ways, I bask in the glory of my failures. I am proud of myself for being able to pick myself up off the carpet, grab the 'top, and start hammering the keys, even as the aftertaste from my latest serving of humbled pie is still lingering in your mouth.
I'm not going to use this blog as a springboard into more production. There will be no 'I'm going to write X times about Y thing' statements, or anything like that. I need to write more- this I know- I just don't know when or how that's going to happen. But I'm going to keep giving it what I got. Some days, that might mean that the beer will flow like wine. Other days- I will be phoning it in. But either way- I will still be me- a 31 year old married father with a social work degree, a part-time society job, and an affinity for entertainment. A normal guy that is trying to figure out what life is all about.
Sorry you had to read all that internal monologue that spilled out on the page. Really the only thing I wanted to do was to post a poem that I wrote. It was written as a submission for a Social Work journal (there is another one that I will post later this week- maybe even tomorrow!). I won't know until Marchish if they will be published- but even if they don't, I'm pretty proud of them. Unless they suck- and then I will probably delete this post from existence.
Anyways, without further adieu, here is my poem. I hope you enjoy it- and if you hate it, I hope you keep your mouth shut.
I know that I need to write, because I feel like it's my connection to my soul. Writing helps me to know that I'm alive, in my mind. I write to unscramble the labyrinth of thoughts in my head- to lay hold of the man that I know that I am, and yet somehow am not. Right now, it's just not happening. Call it hangover, call it backsliding- but I know that I can be so much more than I am, and while the circumstances of my life might be static, my mind should be constantly be moving forward. Right now- I'm not there.
This song and dance is tired, and I know that I've repeatedly chronicled this struggle in this very blog- the desire to write, the absence of writing, the whys of the absence of writing, and the plan to move forward. I realize that every time I do this, I lose credibility. My retort to that is- this is a blog. A blog written by me. How much credibility did I even have to start with?
In some ways, I bask in the glory of my failures. I am proud of myself for being able to pick myself up off the carpet, grab the 'top, and start hammering the keys, even as the aftertaste from my latest serving of humbled pie is still lingering in your mouth.
I'm not going to use this blog as a springboard into more production. There will be no 'I'm going to write X times about Y thing' statements, or anything like that. I need to write more- this I know- I just don't know when or how that's going to happen. But I'm going to keep giving it what I got. Some days, that might mean that the beer will flow like wine. Other days- I will be phoning it in. But either way- I will still be me- a 31 year old married father with a social work degree, a part-time society job, and an affinity for entertainment. A normal guy that is trying to figure out what life is all about.
Sorry you had to read all that internal monologue that spilled out on the page. Really the only thing I wanted to do was to post a poem that I wrote. It was written as a submission for a Social Work journal (there is another one that I will post later this week- maybe even tomorrow!). I won't know until Marchish if they will be published- but even if they don't, I'm pretty proud of them. Unless they suck- and then I will probably delete this post from existence.
Anyways, without further adieu, here is my poem. I hope you enjoy it- and if you hate it, I hope you keep your mouth shut.
Portrait of a Humanity
I am just like you
I am nothing like you
I am light
I am dark
I love
I hate
When you fall, I will pick you up
When you fall, I will kick you.
I give the children good gifts
I give the children scorpions
I hug them
I hit them
I bought her flowers
I smashed the vase
I am simple
I am complex
I work hard
I am lazy
I’m driven
I’m listless
I have the world in my hand
I have the world against me
I am sacred
I am secular
I am safe
I am reckless
I build
I destroy
I am strong
I am weak
I am me
And I am you
And we are humanity
Sunday, November 14, 2010
Agony and Ecstasy
It's been a crazy week. Originally I was going to write this blog last week because of news that I got on Saturday (11/6), but as usual life happened (illness) and I didn't. But that's okay- because there were more things to happen over the past week that really tie into what I was going to write about. (of course, I then proceeded to wait an additional five days before finishing the blog. Man I am awesome).
While there are innumerable differences between all of us, we are also bound together by types of events that are not discriminant. Birth and death are chief among these- and the beauty of humanity is that we take these mundane commonalities and flavor them with our own perspectives.
This blog is about a day in my life when joy and sorrow intersected in my life on a normal Saturday. This is about the meaning that I have attached to it. Let's get this party started.
In the morning, I took the kids grocery shopping at Wal-Mart. I do this often, because apparently we do not live in a magical land where food automatically replenishes itself while it sits in your cupboards. Also, we do not live in a normal land in which food mates with other food and bears offspring. While shopping, we ran into some friends and found out that they were pregnant.
Congratulations! Apparently they've been trying for a couple years now, and now their "hard work" has paid off. They been very active in helping out with the baby explosion at our church, so it's nice to see them get their due (date). They are a great couple, and they're going to be excellent parents.
Interesting aside- when you're talking to people who have recently become pregnant...let's just say that they will tell you things about themselves that they probably wouldn't normally tell you- and unless you're a real sicko you probably wouldn't want to know. For instance-they might tell you "we've been trying for awhile to get pregnant"- well, I'm assuming that your preparations didn't involve brushing up on your ornithology. And I've seen your apartment- it definitely isn't big enough for a lab to fertilize eggs in vitro.
I wish that was where my story ended. Good news doesn't sell, though, and life is all about homeostasis- and when life is going good, unfortunately it is something bad that will bring things back into balance..
That evening, we were just chilling at the house (which is an amazing reality for me- having come from a job that sucked away my weekends like vampires suck away blood, I am just pleased as punch that I have weekends off), when we got a knock on the door. Well crap- if you know me at all, you know that I'm rocking the boxer-briefs when I'm in mi casa and there are no plans. I'm sorry if that's an over-share- I guess I figured after the whole pregnancy talk, we could all be adults and be open about things.
So I grab some pants real quick, run down to get it, and it's a friend of ours from the townhouses. A simple neighborly courtesy call about their noise level turned quickly south when she told me her son (who is only a year or so older than Delaney) has been diagnosed with cancer.
It came as quite a shock to me, to say the least- especially with the juxtaposition of the earlier pregnancy news. When you have kids, and you find out something like that- it tends to rock you. You realize that life is often a game of Russian Roulette, and sometimes it's your turn and you get the empty slot- and sometimes you get the bullet.
Being a stay-at-home dad has offered me a degree of safety. It's been fairly easy for me to build a bubble wall that I live my life in, and spin the wheels of my routine. Sometimes I go back and forth- is my life this way because I'm blessed? Or is my life going so smoothly because things are wrong? I know it sounds messed up- and I know that I am messed up. And the world is the most messed up place in the world.
There are other examples of happiness and sorrow from the past few weeks- it's pretty hard to process sometimes. Because the people in our lives don't suffer alone- we are there with them, if for no other reason than because we realize that it could have been us. And so we should celebrate when they are happy and lament when they are sad- because it could have been us. The calender marches on, but congratulations and consolations are always in season. As we approach the Thanksgiving holiday, remember to give thanks to those in your life who mean the most to you.
While there are innumerable differences between all of us, we are also bound together by types of events that are not discriminant. Birth and death are chief among these- and the beauty of humanity is that we take these mundane commonalities and flavor them with our own perspectives.
This blog is about a day in my life when joy and sorrow intersected in my life on a normal Saturday. This is about the meaning that I have attached to it. Let's get this party started.
In the morning, I took the kids grocery shopping at Wal-Mart. I do this often, because apparently we do not live in a magical land where food automatically replenishes itself while it sits in your cupboards. Also, we do not live in a normal land in which food mates with other food and bears offspring. While shopping, we ran into some friends and found out that they were pregnant.
Congratulations! Apparently they've been trying for a couple years now, and now their "hard work" has paid off. They been very active in helping out with the baby explosion at our church, so it's nice to see them get their due (date). They are a great couple, and they're going to be excellent parents.
Interesting aside- when you're talking to people who have recently become pregnant...let's just say that they will tell you things about themselves that they probably wouldn't normally tell you- and unless you're a real sicko you probably wouldn't want to know. For instance-they might tell you "we've been trying for awhile to get pregnant"- well, I'm assuming that your preparations didn't involve brushing up on your ornithology. And I've seen your apartment- it definitely isn't big enough for a lab to fertilize eggs in vitro.
I wish that was where my story ended. Good news doesn't sell, though, and life is all about homeostasis- and when life is going good, unfortunately it is something bad that will bring things back into balance..
That evening, we were just chilling at the house (which is an amazing reality for me- having come from a job that sucked away my weekends like vampires suck away blood, I am just pleased as punch that I have weekends off), when we got a knock on the door. Well crap- if you know me at all, you know that I'm rocking the boxer-briefs when I'm in mi casa and there are no plans. I'm sorry if that's an over-share- I guess I figured after the whole pregnancy talk, we could all be adults and be open about things.
So I grab some pants real quick, run down to get it, and it's a friend of ours from the townhouses. A simple neighborly courtesy call about their noise level turned quickly south when she told me her son (who is only a year or so older than Delaney) has been diagnosed with cancer.
It came as quite a shock to me, to say the least- especially with the juxtaposition of the earlier pregnancy news. When you have kids, and you find out something like that- it tends to rock you. You realize that life is often a game of Russian Roulette, and sometimes it's your turn and you get the empty slot- and sometimes you get the bullet.
Being a stay-at-home dad has offered me a degree of safety. It's been fairly easy for me to build a bubble wall that I live my life in, and spin the wheels of my routine. Sometimes I go back and forth- is my life this way because I'm blessed? Or is my life going so smoothly because things are wrong? I know it sounds messed up- and I know that I am messed up. And the world is the most messed up place in the world.
There are other examples of happiness and sorrow from the past few weeks- it's pretty hard to process sometimes. Because the people in our lives don't suffer alone- we are there with them, if for no other reason than because we realize that it could have been us. And so we should celebrate when they are happy and lament when they are sad- because it could have been us. The calender marches on, but congratulations and consolations are always in season. As we approach the Thanksgiving holiday, remember to give thanks to those in your life who mean the most to you.
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