Bi-polarness

Apologies for future ramblings.  But I haven't sat down at a computer with the intention to write since New Years day- pretty much exclusively because I haven't felt like it.  At all.  But this morning I got that gust of inspiration (which went away almost as quickly as it came) and so here I find myself banging on the keypad trying to reincarnate that three minutes of my shower where the words were flowing in my brain like something that flows (see?  Gone.  Just like that.).

I think my whole moment of inspiration thing started because I was thinking about how much I just haven't had the writing bug lately.  So then I started thinking about how last year at this time, I was trying to write a blog every day.  Then I started thinking about how meaningless calendars are in the grand scheme, but how they help us here and now to give our lives order and help us make sense of the chaos.

Then I thought about how I'm sort of bi-polar.  How sometimes I'm manic about something and then it just goes away.  I started to think about all of the things I have talked about in my blog with such certainty that haven't come to fruition- and some of them that I've flat-out contradicted.  Then I thought about how I myself am a walking contradiction.  See when I worked at TFH, I realized over time that I had many of the presenting symptoms that the kids in our homes did.  Sure, I didn't smear poop on the wall or call my bosses "f*cking b*tches"- but there were many things that I had in common with those kids (or had in common when I was a kid.  Because clearly I grew up and became a model citizen). 

I am guarded- but sometimes I put myself out there too far.  I can think critically- but sometimes I am too quick to suspend disbelief and trust too easily.  I enjoy spending time with people- but sometimes I want nothing to do with anybody.

So what am I saying?  Nothing really.  Like I said, the inspiration to write quickly left.  But after weeks of nothing, it was nice to have that pot stirred again, and so hopefully even writing these few paragraphs of random nothingness will help keep sparking those inspired seconds and I can resume bringing you the unadulterated awesomeness that you are probably quite used to.