Proud Papa

In case you missed this, I played fantasy hockey this season, for the first time. I finished second in the league, losing in the championship game. It doesn't really matter that I would have lost badly to my buddy Matt in any of the playoff games, and thus (in his mind) had the third-best team. It's the playoffs, and all that matters is how you progress through your part of the bracket. Take care of business, and move on.

At the beginning of the NHL playoffs, a group of us that love hockey and played in the Black Storm hockey fantasy league were talking about how there would be moments of pride throughout the playoffs as you saw guys on your fantasy team making significant contributions for their real-life teams. I want to take a moment and sing the praises of my fantasy child- Jaroslav Halak.


I'd love to say that Halak was a biological child (that is, that I drafted him), but he wasn't. I didn't bring him into the family until late in the season- in fact, he was my last pick-up, on February 1st, just a couple weeks before the Olympics. At the time, I was just trying to find a decent third goalie. Kind of like adopting a child to have someone to help out with the chores- you aren't really expecting too much, and if they do some dishes and mow the lawn and keep their nose clean, then you're happy.

But then you look at your adopted child one day, and you realize that he's not merely useful, but he's actually fun to be around. All he's wanted was for you to know that he was on your team, and probably actually worthy of being a second or even a first string son.

Halak has been simply clutch throughout these playoffs. While I can't take full credit for his success- like a parent who needs to make sure their kids play with other good kids, Halak has needed timely efforts from his friends who play defense, the fact is that a hot goalie can steal a playoff series. And Halak is a hot goalie right now.

I apologize right now if I start getting emotional. After all, this guy was on my fantasy team, and I just need everyone to know that.

Trailing 3-1 in the first round against the top seed (and heavily favored) Washington Capitals, Halak stoned the Caps for three straight huge wins- facing 132 shots and turning away 129 of them. Most importantly, he came up huge in a game 7 win IN Washington to help Les Habitants to advance to the 2nd round, where they faced off against God Crosby and the rest of the Pittsburgh Penguins.

'Listen, I know Russia doesn't have very many golf courses- but neither does Pittsburgh. And I'd love to come over and watch Jaroslav Halak march through the rest of the playoffs. I just have to ask my owner/dad if it's okay.'
'You are such baby'.

Let me pause here to remind you that I'm not a big fan of the Pittsburgh Penguins. It's not just because they beat the Red Wings last season in the Stanley Cup finals (although I'm willing to concede that there is at least some subconscious hostility because of that). I'm just don't like how our society anoints certain players as deities, especially in team sports. I understand that in the information age that there is a need for sensationalism in order to try and stand out from the crowd- but then everybody has to amp it up in order to stand out and before you know it, we're participating in daily worship services for LeBron James and Alex Rodriguez (and Sidney Crosby).

So it takes on special meaning when a rag tag group of underdogs, led by (sniff) my fantasy goalie, take on the rich snobby kids from up the way and send them packing. So long rich snobby kids-have fun watching us on television while we get to keep playing! And look- that's my (fantasy) son in goal!

Anyways, I'm really pumped right now because my boy Halak just won the new biggest game of his life, defeating the Penguins 5-2 in game 7 (on the road, again) to send the Penguins to the golf course for a few months. I'm so proud of him right now, that I would probably draft him first overall in a fantasy draft. Regardless, he has a spot on the Arabian Arabian Knights as long as he wants to (or as long as someone else doesn't pull a douche bag move and pick him before I do).

GO HABS!

PIC- Halak- http://tenderslounge.files.wordpress.com/2008/03/jaroslav_halak.jpg
Crosby/Ovechkin- http://i.cdn.turner.com/si/multimedia/photo_gallery/0905/nhl.playoffs.crosby.ovechkin.rivalry/images/sidney-crosby-alex-ovechkin-game-7.jpg

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words just suck

We're going to play a little game. I like games. It's a word association game. I say a word, and you tell me what word comes to mind. It'll be lots of fun. Okay, ready? Here we go.

The word is......





POWER

What did you think of when I typed the word POWER. Did you think of money? Or maybe knowledge? Maybe you thought of power as a position. Or maybe to you power just means really really really big muscles.

If you answered any of the above, then I would tell you that you did a really good job guessing. And then I would tell you that you are wrong. I'm sure that now you are extremely intrigued at what I have to say, because obviously I have a better understanding of what POWER really is. Either that, or you are trying to make it look like you are busy at your computer. Don't ask, don't tell, right?

When I think of power, the idea that comes to mind is communication. And all of the answers above are related to communication. Money is used to communicate a need or desire. When I send you monthly payments, it is because I am communicating to you that I don't want you to post those pictures of me on the Internet. Either that or you are my credit card company and I am communicating my desire to have a good credit score. Of course, I would rather be blackmailed then have credit card debt. Come to think of it, I think my credit card company is actually blackmailing me.

Knowledge is meaningless unless it can be communicated. That's why our favorite teachers aren't necessarily the ones that know the most. They're the ones that engage us, and make the material they are teaching interesting to us. I don't care if my teacher is a virtual matrix of information- you have to be able to sell me what I'm buying.

If you clicked on my hyperlinks (and really, there's no reason why you shouldn't. They're always either a) funny or b) serious), you probably laughed at this picture. Which, regardless of how you feel about the man, is a very funny picture. But this is an excellent case-in-point- one of his biggest flaws was that he was not the most skilled communicator. Despite being in a position to be the most powerful man in the free world, he was scorned, mocked, and ridiculed- for many reasons, of course, but I feel that he could have tempered much of the disdain if he would have been a better communicator. This guy? He rose to power primarily because he can communicate effectively.

Clearly I have dazzled you to the point where you are ready to believe whatever I say. And if not, that probably has nothing to do with any sort of lack or shortcoming in my own abilities as a communicator. And, we're moving on.

All of the above was just a really long and slightly drawn out introduction to what I really want to talk about- words. Words are one of the key components to communication. Not THE key- I'll discuss that later. But in a verbal society, words are the glue that holds communication together.

For example, think of the word 'glue'. You read the word, and (I know that there are some razzle dazzle physiological terms I could use to describe it...I just can't think of them right now) and your brain processes that collection of symbols into a cohesive unit, and links to your prior interaction with what we define as glue.

Words link us- we are able to communicate much more effectively (especially via the written medium) because of the phenomenon of the word. We don't have to waste countless hours figuring out how to describe our environment to others- they know what 'trees' are, and 'grass'. We have a common ground, and thus we can spend our time discussing other things. Words are amazing.

And yet, words alone are not communication. In fact, statistically speaking, words are but a small factor in our communicative interactions. Things like voice tone, body posture, facial expression, and even intent are, realistically, much more important to communication than words are.

Do you remember in middle school when that girl you had a crush on you playfully said 'I hate you' when you made some sort of flirtatious smart-alec remark about getting a better score on the math quiz? Contrast that to times when you've told your spouse in a monotone, mundane, not-meant-at-the-time way: I love you. Sometimes our words betray us, and don't actually mean what we say.

It's why I don't get too hung up on swearing. I realize that words have definitions that are socially agreed upon meanings- but I also know that we are the ones that artificially bestow meanings upon words. It's more about the meaning of the word and context in which it is delivered.

For example, a friend of mine was talking yesterday about how somebody had basically jumped all over her case because she said 'gosh'. Basically, the argument was (and I've heard this before, towards myself) that she was 'using the Lord's name in vain' by using that word.

Let's assume for a moment that the statement is true- that when you say 'gosh', you are actually directly affronting the 4th commandment. So you decide that you do not wish to do this, and so you decide to use a different word. Let's even go so far as to say that you completely change the phonetic composition of your new word. Instead of 'gosh', you decide to say 'flip'.

Aren't you still taking the Lord's name in vain?

I would argue that yes, you are. You have merely substituted one set of symbols and sounds for another. Your context, your meaning, is still the same. Are you trying to tell me that if I say 'flip', that is somehow better than saying 'gosh', even though I mean the same thing?

As a Christian, I am told that I shouldn't swear. Okay, fine. So I'll have to find some substitute words for those moments when I stub my toe or smack my finger with a hammer...or when no other word can accurately convey my emotion. So I pick that different word. And I use that word.

IT'S STILL THE SAME THING!!!

I'm not in the clear just because I'm not using "the word". My thoughts are the same. My feelings about my throbbing thumb are the same. I suppose there might be an element of control if I can say 'frick' instead of an F-bomb. But that's just all behavior modification- you can train yourself to say certain words, without actually changing your internal composition.

These are just thoughts. I'm throwing them out there. You might disagree, you might think I'm completely off base. But you have to admit that it is silly to get so worked up about something as insignificant as a word. I said before that you have to be able to communicate in order to have power, and words are certainly a key in communication. I wouldn't be able to have this blog without words. And yet, words are merely one key on a gigantic key ring, and sort of a smallish key at that. Make sure that your heart, more so than your words, is in the right place, and you'll be doing okay.

Graduation thoughts...but today!

As promised!

What a whirlwind! My scholastic sequel concluded with a bang on May 1st, as I walked across the stage and shook President Les Wong's hand with my degree folder in hand. I can't believe that it's finally over.

It's been an incredible journey. (Just so you are aware, I almost ended that sentence with an exclamation point...but then I think that I would have been compelled to end the first sentence of subsequent paragraphs with exclamation points, and I think that could get a little excessive. I also just realized that you probably don't care).

Graduating from Northern was a culmination of my hard work, a celebration of my achievements, and a declaration of personal growth. Having two young children, I had to bust serious ass to do as well as I did. I don't like to brag, but I am very proud of my academic accomplishments. The funny thing is that they came because of and in spite of my life circumstances. It was more difficult to achieve at a high level with two young children- but I was more driven to succeed because I knew that I had to in order to have success.

But enough about me. Let's talk about you. What do you think of me?

Don't answer that. Instead, read on as I talk about my graduation experience!

First of all, why wouldn't you want to walk in the graduation ceremony? I've had many friends tell me that they didn't want to, for this-that-or the other. But how many other chances do we get to live like the rich and famous? Or to carry a concealed weapon- on top of our heads? Or play dress-up? Most of us get 15 minutes of fame, tops- why wouldn't I want 2+hours of people looking at me/in my general direction?

Graduation day started off with the kids coming in and waking us up. Scratch that- graduation morning started off with us hanging out until like 1 in the morning with friends and family. I played a game called Fat Princess. If you haven't heard of it, you haven't been living. It's like capture the flag, but with weapons,confetti, and cake. Go out, buy a PS3, and download this game. It will change your life.

We got the kids (mostly Delaney) excited about seeing daddy graduate- or as Delaney said, 'walking across the street'. At least I looked both ways, right?


I got there early with my neighbor/buddy Ken and promptly walked across the street to the BP station. I did this for a few reasons. First of all, I needed to practice walking. Since they don't allow segways, I had to make sure that I still remember how to actually walk, using my human legs. Fortunately, I was able to score some iron-clad truth on the matter, and I was able to learn the real way to walk.

I also needed some sustenance. I scored a free cup of Cappuccino at BP, courtesy of Ty, who I met at the Dueling Band Show in February. Even if I never ever see him again, that was a serious case of networking paying off. Anything else that happens in our relationship is simply icing on the cake. I also grabbed a Snickers. I figured, I wouldn't be going anywhere for a while- so why not?

They had us wait in the volleyball arena about an hour before the ceremony. I don't remember exactly how to spell the name of it, so I will refer to it as Van Damme arena. So while we were waiting around in Van Damme arena, I realized that this part of the ceremony was akin to a holding cell.

See, it was very warm and stuffy in the gym. Basically it was a gulag for college kids in silkish robes. We stood around for what felt like hours, sweating inside of our dresses and goofy hats. My tassel kept hitting me in the face, and the ladies were walking around spraying us with static guard, which I'm pretty sure was just chloroform. They herded us into sections, and made us stand in order.

The only plausible explanation for these atrocities is that in the time before time, college students were sitting through the 3 hour ceremony and realized that it was insanely stupid about half way through. They subsequently mutinied, and took over. College presidents came to fear the power of the graduate crowd, which is like a small army full of Jason Bourne clones (unless it's Michigan Tech). Realistically, would you want to have about 800 pissed off college kids with weapons and a crowd? No. So they got together and figured out a way that they could minimize the chances of a revolt. They instigated night-before-graduation drinking. And those college kids that didn't succumb to instant inebriation were subjected to the holding pens.

During the captivity, I found out that one of my friends was wearing shoes from a 2006 wedding. That was stellar. The awesome thing is that I'll probably always remember that piece of information, and even if I don't I wrote about it in my blog, so now it's achieved eternal glory.

Being a part of the College of Professional Studies and graduating with a Bachelor of Social Work degree entitles one to be able to sit in the back of the graduation ceremony. Sitting in the back during graduation is much like sitting in the back during class-except that you don't get out first. There are no worries or responsibilities. We didn't have to figure out when to stand, when to walk, or when to start going up to the front. We just sat there, watching other people, cracking jokes, sending text messages, mispronouncing people's names on purpose, playing I Spy (that darn Elk nearly eluded me), discussing whether a man was sexier in leather or a business suit (for the record, I said a leather business suit), and cracking Harry Potter jokes. Yes, Harry Potter jokes.

For those who have never been to a college graduation, the professors aren't rocking 3 piece suits or dresses- they're all dressed up like some sort of magical wizard council! It was the best thing ever! I half expected for Wong to start awarding house points (obviously I would be a part of Gryffindor, because Gryffindor is teh bomb!!!) and the new Minister of the Dark Arts professor to give a speech.

I'm guessing you are wearing your varsity jacket underneath your robe. Loser.

Senator Michael Prussi gave a rousing speech- mostly because he mixed explicit self-depreciation (which I am a huge fan of) with some excellent points about becoming more involved in our communities, society, and government. He seemed to have no illusions about his importance in the ceremony, and because of that he became important. Brilliant! Although I do remember feeling that President Wong was going to get up and rip the honorary doctor-thingy that he had just bestowed upon Prussi off of him as Prussi kept going on and on about how basically nobody cares about who speaks at graduation. That would have definitely made the $19.97 I spent for a copy of the ceremony on DVD worth every penny.

The aftermath went VERY quickly- it's like you want to find your family and connect with them, but also wanting to see your friends and faculty and get some pictures with them. Now multiply that by thousands, and you can see how it is very understandable (and I would go so far as to say 'forgivable') that I didn't get a picture with my mom. Fortunately, my sister is graduating from high school in June, so I was able to concoct a plan that is simply brilliant. Also it is fortunate that I have such cute kids, because how can you be mad at me when I produce pictures like this:


I am very bummed that I wasn't able to get a picture with Dr. Carol Simpson. She was extremely integral in my transformation as a social worker and a human being, and I am forever indebted to her.

It's pretty much the bomb that my kids got to see me graduate. What an awesome example for them- that you can accomplish anything you seriously set your mind to if you work hard and have an awesome support network. I am pretty sure that I still would have done the graduation ceremony if I didn't have Delaney and Shane- but with them, it was always a no-brainer- I knew that I would be walking.

Of course, you can't have bittersweetness without bitterness. As I wandered around the Superior Dome, the reality of the moment began to sink in- I am not a student at NMU anymore. I am not going to be walking the halls of McClintock. No more futuristic passageway. No more social work classes. A chapter has ended. And while I'm happy for a new saga to begin, I am going to miss the magic of the past few years.

Being a part of the social work program has really driven home the idea of community to me, and how important our relationships are with other people. Some people stay in our lives for a long time- usually family, a few friends, and possibly co-workers. Most are just brief flashes- they are a part of your life for awhile, and then for one reason or another, they are gone. Both groups are very important, because they all weave together to make us who we are.

Of course I have a cognitive understanding of that, but it doesn't change the fact that I'm really going to miss all my classmates, and it doesn't change how much it sucks that this is a part of the human experience, I suppose that it's part of being higher up on Maslow's hierarchy. I guess that zebras probably don't have to worry about stuff like this- they're just worried about getting enough grass to eat and making sure that they don't get eaten by lions. Of course, maybe it is just part of being a human being. I don't know.

I understand that the immediacy of the moment is a huge factor in this, and as with the stages of grief, I'll move forward, move on, and the strong emotions that I feel right now will slowly fade into memories and photographs. I think it is easier to keep in touch during these times, thanks to things like Facebook and cell phones. But I don't know if I'll be any better at keeping in touch than I was before all of these newfangled contraptions. I'm hoping so but guessing not.

There is the chance that my feelings are indicative of a larger issue, and that maybe, just maybe, this is not how we're supposed to be. Maybe humans weren't meant to separate (other than death, obviously) as often as we do. Maybe I'm just pouting, bemoaning the loss of a part of myself.

Think about it though. We live in an impersonal society and come in contact (real contact) with people so infrequently that when we do, it becomes magnified, and when they leave, the sting of their loss is magnified because we're not used to connecting with people. Bonds that are not meant to be broken are broken with alarming frequency, and as a result we retreat into ourselves, the only defense against the pain of heartbreak that we know.

I suppose I could be overreacting. I probably am. But it's food for thought.

Anyways, that is my graduation experience in a nutshell. I hope you enjoyed reading about it as much as I enjoyed living it. But you probably didn't. I leave you with this picture. At first glance, it's merely a crappy picture. Look at it closer, and it becomes a magnificent work of art.

Sort of like me.



PIC- http://www.virginmedia.com/images/halfbloodprince-hermioneschool-431x300.jpg

Graduation thoughts...but not today!

Graduation was today. It was awesome. And I loved it, I'm glad I went. I want to write about it. And I will...but not today. Today, I'm exhausted. I'm ready for bed, and I start my new job tomorrow, so I need to get some rest. I'll write about it in the next couple days. Thanks to everyone for the well wishes and congratulations. I have a great support network of family and friends, and my successes are your successes. I look forward to where the road leads, and sharing my thoughts with you all along the way!

College football preview...or is it postview? Maybe posterior? Maybe I should go back to school-ior.

It's almost been a week since the NFL draft happened. The Lions scored He-who's-name-cannot-be-pronounced Suh, the player that I was really hoping that they would get. I don't know too much about the rest of their draft- I was surprised to see them draft a running back in the first round (I think Kevin Smith is a pretty good back), but then again I don't really know what's going on with the Lions.

Besides, I'm a college football man. The only reason I really care about the draft is that it's kind of like the Bifrost bridge between college and the NFL- the adolescence between childhood and adulthood. If you think I have a dizzying intellect now, just wait til I get going.

And really, I don't even want to talk about the draft right now. That's so cliche'- giving draft grades (which, if you think about it, is ridiculous), analyzing picks, and slotting depth charts. I want to rant on some issues with college football that I have been burning on for a while.

I realize that this would be far more appropriate and timely if it was closer to college football season...or at least in the calender season that is approximately close to football season. But obviously I am too busy to do that. Or too forgetful. Or I just don't care enough. Regardless, here we go.

First off, the bowl system is flawed. Well, let me elaborate. I don't mind the fact of having bowls- I think that the tradition is great- I have great memories of the Rose Bowl, and Michigan...well, maybe 'great memories' is a stretch. I don't even think that 'marginally good' would be an accurate adjective. But hey, at least they are memories.

How many people have memories of such longstanding games as the New Mexico Bowl? Or the Seattle Bowl? Or even the Papajohns.com bowl? There are 34- yes, 34 bowl games. Over half of the teams in Division 1-A (or FBS, as it is now known as) play in bowl games. To put that in perspective, imagine if the NCAA tournament was not a 64-team affair, but rather a 180 team affair. The NCAA proposed a 96 team NCAA tournament- and that's still only about half of the 180 mark!

To be eligible for a bowl, a team merely needs to be 6-6. A win percentage of .500. Mediocre. Now, there are seasons in which a .500 team does not go to a bowl...because there were enough teams that "excelled" at 7-5 to leave the 6-6ers at home. But really, why should we be celebrating this mediocrity? Why should a team that could not even win more games than it loses get rewarded with a postseason appearance?

And take this one step further- I don't believe that a team that has a losing conference record should be rewarded with a bowl game. Because to me, that just means that you beat up on weaker opponents. It's like you're a 5th grader beating up on kindergartners- sure, your win/loss record is pretty good- but did you actually beat up any other 5th graders?

It's pretty bad when you look at the list of teams that played in Bowl games, and you see such stalwarts of excellence as Texas A&M (6-7, 3-5 in conference), UCLA (3-6 in the PAC-10), Minnesota (6-7, 3-5 in the Big 10), and South Carolina (3-5 in the SEC).

How did those beacons of brilliance fare in their bowl games? Georgia walloped A&M. UCLA won- beating Temple. If the crowning achievement of your football season is a victory over Temple, then you need to reevaluate things. Minnesota lost a 14-13 "thriller" to Iowa State- a team that finished with a 7-6 record (and- yup, you guessed it- a 3-5 Big 12 record). South Carolina racked up 7 points in their bowl game loss.

I just feel like there should be less bowl games, so that teams that really don't deserve to get rewarded for their seasons-don't get rewarded for their seasons. Unfortunately, they bring in money- lots of money, and so bowl games will continue to be a part of the college football landscape.

Speaking of things that are a part of the college football landscape that shouldn't be- preseason polls. I like the idea of ranking things- it helps me bring order to my chaos. I can look at things on paper, and being able to say that team A should beat team B because they are 'ranked higher'.

But the kicker is that those meaningless preseason rankings become meaningful simply because of the way that the system is set up. If a team starts the season ranked highly (which is, in all reality, a very arbitrary process), then the chances that it will stay ranked highly increase.

So you run into situations where a team like Utah or Boise State will run the table- and not get a sniff for a national title. And a big part of that is that they don't start the season ranked as highly as the big name schools, so it takes them longer to work their way up to the top. And they also don't work their way up as quickly. Capitalism-1, The way things should be-0.

You know what? I honestly wouldn't be opposed to keeping the current bowl system, and forsaking a playoff, if there were a couple changes. Less bowls, and don't start ranking teams until like, maybe mid-season. Will those things happen? No. Did I still suggest them in blog-form, so that if they do happen, I can take credit for them? Absolutely.

Final beef- the Heisman. The Heisman is supposed to be awarded to the most outstanding college football player in a given season. And I believe that has definitely happened before. Barry Sanders- great example of a Heisman winner. Tim Tebow- his sophomore year is one of, if not the, top individual performances by a college football EVER.

But lately, it seems that the award is becoming the 'Most Outstanding Player On The Best Team Or A Team That Is Near The Top' award. This years Heisman winner, to me, really embodies that whole concept.

Mark Ingram had a great season. Really, he did. Over 1,600 yards in the SEC...17 rushing scores...32 catches for over 300 yards. Great season.

But how can you tell me that his season is better than Toby Gerhart? Gerhard, in case you were wondering, racked up over 1,800 yards and 27 touchdowns. He had 3 200+ yard games, and was only held under 100 yards twice (82 yards and 96 yards). Ingram? He had 1 200+ yard game and was held under 100 yards 5 times (including a 30 yard effort against Auburn the week before the SEC Championship game).

I'm not saying that Gerhart was a better player (although the numbers would probably say that). But the fact is that the Heisman voting was the closest that its ever been. No one really stepped up and took the award by the balls- at least, in the eyes of the media. So Ingram very much had a captive audience when he exploded on the Gators in Atlanta.

If the award had been voted on the weekend of 11/28? I don't think Ingram gets it. He had 30 yards on 16 carries versus Auburn. Meanwhile, Gerhart was putting up 205 yards (3 rushing scores and a passing score for crying out loud) against Notre Dame.

The problem is that the voting took place the next weekend- the weekend that the SEC title game took place. And Mark Ingram, fresh in voters minds, put up 113 yards and 3 touchdowns against the best defense (Florida) in the country. Gerhart put up...13 kills in a big multi-player Halo-online skirmish (I made that up). He didn't play. No game. Voters got to watch Mark Ingram win the Heisman voting in the college football equivalent of taxation-without-representation.

I don't think that conference championship games should count for the Heisman. I think all the ballots should be in the last week of the regular season. Not everyone has a conference championship game, so that means that a certain few players have a chance to get that last ditch campaign "speech" in.

You could say that Ingram deserved the Heisman because of that championship game effort. That the best players show up in big ways when the spotlight is the brightest. I'll give you that. But then, would you be willing to concede his sub-par effort in the game against 'Bama's biggest rival the week before? Maybe he was hurt, maybe he wasn't- that's not the point. The point is that the stinker game didn't matter because Ingram had a chance to redeem himself during a week when his biggest competitor was just hanging out.

One of the reasons that I'm excited that we got Suh is because he was seriously considered by many to be the actual best player in the college game last season. Of course, as a defensive lineman, he never ever had a shot at even sniffing the Heisman (well, he was invited to the ceremony, so I'm sure that he at least got to smell the trophy- even if it was just because odor from the trophy diffused throughout the air and found its way into his nose)...but that's another blog for another time.

So, while I have your undivided attention, lets make some predictions- who is going to be the first pick in the draft...of 2014? Or the Heisman trophy finalists...for 2020? That may be a little bit extreme...but just wait a few years. If you can.

End of an era

Well, as of today, I am officially done with all of my 'homework'. Yah yah, applause, applause. I still have to submit a couple weekly reports, and take a comprehensive knowledge 'exam' for the social work program (part of their accreditation with the CSWE, I don't get graded for it, it just lets them know how awesome our program is). But realistically, when I gave my presentation today and handed in my paper, I was handing in my undergraduate career.

It hasn't really sunk in yet- probably because I just got done submitting a 2 page weekly processing report. But still, it feels good to know that there is no homework on the horizon. No chapters I have to read, no exams that I have to study for, no papers that I will be putting off while I'm writing this blog post. Just me and the world, and all the information that it contains.

So where from here? What does the most successful blog that I've ever done do for an encore? And did you even want an encore? (Encore? Hmmmm....sounds like a rant for another time). Well, like I said in another blog post, I plan on reading some textbooks in order to broaden my knowledge base. I'm going to need a place to synthesize that information- what better place than MY BLOG!!! That's right! Starting on a Tuesday or a Thursday near you (it has to be one of those days simply because of the alliterative possibilities), Textbook Tuesdays (or Thursdays) will become a regular feature on this blog, right here (BTW, is it cheesy to hyperlink to your own blog within your blog? How about twice in the same paragraph?).

My goal, as always, is to make you think about things in a new, or different way. I might not always be right- and sometimes I may even be blatantly wrong. But I want people to be able to open their eyes to new ways of thinking- and at the very least, to understand that each story has a second side, and that knowing that side can lead to the path of understanding. That is what my textbook posts will be about. I'll provide some new information, and hopefully help you learn while I am hopefully learning as well. It may sound like the dumbest idea ever, but I'm actually pretty excited about it.

I have a post brewing that I think you might find shocking. Maybe you won't. I don't know. But it's a pretty big deal to me, and it's full of thoughts that I've been chewing on for a while. All I can tell you is that I'm pretty nervous to write it.

I definitely need to get a job, and so I'm going to try to do that. But even if I end up working 40 hours a week, I still plan on bringing you the tidbits of the inside of my mind. I hope that they make you laugh, and cry, and curse, and ponder- the goal of my writing has always been to celebrate the diversity of the human experience. We are people of many dimensions, and while some are able (and willing) to focus on only a certain part, that has never been my call. I look forward to sharing my thoughts and ideas with you for years to come, and also having your ideas and thoughts shared with me.

God bless,

Jason

Consptheorycy

I'm just amazed at how clever I am. Look at that title. You have no idea what it means, until you see that I have intricately spliced 'conspiracy' and 'theory' into one word- a chimera of sorts. Much like 'Brangelina' or 'A-rod'. Do I claim to be the same level savant as the creators of iconic pop culture vernacular? Well, I'm much to humble to accept such praise- but yes. Yes I do.

I was thinking about the extreme level of mistrust that has been propagated against our government. Now I'm not a die hard 'Government is teh bomb!' type of guy. I know that the government is not perfect. Some have called democracy 'tyranny of the majority'.

But if you think about it, our government is in a lose-lose situation. There are so many conspiracy theorists out there, from the JFK assassination to Roswell to Obama wanting to create a police state by taking away our guns...but the government cannot defend itself from these kind of attacks. If they do? Well, obviously they're just withholding information from the masses. 'Like they would tell us the truth'.

This whole thought came to me when I was looking for information on a paper I'm writing for school. I was looking for something that stated how many children are prescribed Ritalin, or diagnosed with ADHD, in our country. Tangent- how hard is it to have that information in an extremely handy place? I mean, I shouldn't have to go to page 7 of the Google search- that kind of information should be on page 1- page 2 at the latest!

I stumbled across a website that basically made the claim that the government is trying to brainwash people, and that ADHD was created by the government to be able to prescribe drugs like Ritalin to kids in order to pacify them and turn them into mindless zombies.

First of all, I was like 'I just want to know how many kids are prescribed Ritalin'. But I read on- because my curiosity was piqued.

They did have a number in there, and it was a really large number- 5 million. 5 million children? ON RITALIN???? Gosh, maybe they're right- maybe the government is trying to brainwash us- it's a good thing that I was misdiagnosed so I can fight the system. A sort of one man resistance- like Jack Bauer, only smarter.

Unfortunately, they didn't cite their sources :( So I have no idea if they were telling the truth. The other thing is that their use of the number (5 million) is much more impactful than if they were to use a proportion, or a percentage (which I would guess to be around 3-4% tops, and with that guess I just entered into the realm of creating internet facts)...if you see that 4% of kids are on Ritalin, that's slightly alarming, perhaps, but if you see that 5 MILLION children- well, that's a number that is quite shocking. Then you imagine about 5 million ADHD children storming your house like on I Am Legend, and then you realize that maybe Ritalin is a good thing.

After looking at the criteria for diagnosis of ADHD, I have to admit that it does seem to be like a weird thing to be diagnosed with. I mean, aren't those just things that kids do?

But at the same time, if it's just 'kid stuff', you would think that more kids would be diagnosed with Ritalin. There are definitely some systemic things going on- obviously there are parents that have kids with these symptoms that just endure it, because they believe that is the way that kids are. Who is right? Who is wrong? I have no idea- and I certainly don't want to try delving into that right now, because I have a paper/presentation that I should be working on.

I think that a certain level of mistrust of government is actually healthy- but it seems to be completely out of hand at times. I mean, the government just passed a bill that gives health care access to all Americans- and people are turning this administration into the second coming of Hitler.

Government has become the eye of this perfect storm of our need for drama combined with our rugged individualism. As Americans, we believe that we can just pull ourselves up by our bootstraps, and git r done. We believe that hard work is rewarded, and we tend to believe that we are hard workers. Because that way, when things go wrong, we can look to external sources and blame them. Like the government.

There is also a certain need for drama in our lives. I don't know if it's a chemical thing, a social thing, or some other third thing. But for some reasons, our lives don't feel as full if we aren't talking about someone else's problems, or having some sort of conflict play out in our minds.

Having a 'consptheorycy' about the government makes us withdraw in our own fortresses of solitude. If the government wants to bring it? I'll f*** them up. It's why movies like 'Taken', the 'Bourne' trilogy, and 'The Longest Yard' resonate so much with us- because we imagine that we are able and capable of taking on the entire corrupt system by ourselves. We are John Conner. We are Jason Bourne. Maybe we suck at martial arts. Maybe we're fat and out of shape. But if they come for me? I'll be ready.

Of course, this type of thinking does not really help the country to function like it should. It creates an atmosphere where politicians do not campaign on the merit of their ideas, or the actual strength of their platforms- rather, they are elected based on how much they tell you of what you want to hear.

The simple fact is that there are hundreds of millions of people in our country. The government will not always be able to do what you would like them to do. They might not even be perfect. But it's the system that we have. Besides, if you tried to take on the government, the government would obviously erase you from existence.

A metaphor for change?

So last night, we had our social work banquet, and it was, in a word, AWESOME. In two words, it was VERY AWESOME. If I had to use three words to describe it, I would say it was AWESOME, VERY AWESOME. I suppose I could carry this out all day. So I'll stop here. And really, that makes sense. If you think that I was being very funny, then you can keep this little joke going inside your head, for as long as you'd like (all the while racking up funny points for me). If you thought it was dumb? Well, I cut it much shorter than it could have been, so you're probably feeling an extreme sense of gratitude towards me, which is almost as good as funny points.

Anyways (BTW, does it really bother, or offend anyone, that I say 'anyways' instead of 'anyway'? If it does, let me know. But you should know that I don't actually care), at the end, we had a slide show. You know how slide shows are- five to ten minutes of cutesy pics meant to drum up maximum nostalgia- everybody is smiling, hugging, having fun. Well, I was definitely feeling the nostalgia afterward.

(I have a bad memory from a slide show at my high school graduation- no no no, they didn't show the picture of me getting pantsed in front of the girls JV basketball team- actually there was no picture of that...thank GOD.

What happened was, during spirit week, we had a day where you had to dress up like a Nerd. Even though I could have done this in my sleep, I actually went the extra mile for this one. Well, I managed to get in a picture with the school basketball stud, who was not an actual nerd but managed to deck out in some pretty sweet nerd-gear.

So even though this event, and this picture, were taken pretty early on in the school year, I was still pretty excited for the slide show at graduation- I mean, I knew that the picture was a shoo-in, because it had the BMOC all decked out as a geek. That sort of funniness- you just can't pass it up. And I was in the picture- it was gold! Everybody would be laughing at a picture with me in it! And no, that statement is not as masochistic as it sounds.

Well, of course just a few weeks before graduation the basketball player extraordinaire broke up with his long time girlfriend, who just happened to be running the slide projector at graduation (yes, we had a slide projector when I was in high school). So the one picture that I was blatantly looking for during the whole freaking slide show popped up on the screen- and then vanished into the very next picture.)

Thanks a lot for ruining my graduation experience.

Back to reality- we had an awesome slide show at the banquet, there were pictures of me, and some of them were funny- and because it was on Power Point, everything was auto-timed, so there was no chance for human interference (not that my SW girls would have interfered- they are way too cool).

But I didn't really want to focus on the slide show- and I especially wasn't trying to trudge up painful memories.

I want to talk clubbin.

Last night was the first night that I ever went clubbin. Well, if going to one bar counts as clubbin. Matt says it doesn't. But let's put aside reality for a second, and pretend that going to one bar means that you just went clubbin'. Now, before you get worried, you should know that I am practically a saint, and would never, under any circumstances, turn to the darkside.

Hey baby. Have you ever seen a light sabre?

So feel free to turn off your PG-13dar, because I definitely wasn't 50 Cent up in the hiz-ouse. I wasn't even like 25 Cent. If I had to put a monetary value on my clubbiness, it would probably be like 5 Cent.

Some of the girls from my social work cohort went out to the Up-Front last night. For those of you who are not 'down' with the Marquette scene, the Up-Front is a pretty classy establishment. I had never been there, so I wasn't sure what to expect...actually, scratch that- because I had never been to a club period, I didn't know what to expect.

I was told by a friend that sweat pants were right out, and that there was a $15 cover charge. Crap. Not crap to the cover charge, but crap to the sweat pants. Obviously because otherwise I would run the risk of having to beat off the ladies with a stick.

Cover charge ended up being $1. I guess it was college night- but still- $1? I thought that you had class, Up-Front!

A couple thoughts about 'clubbin'...
- I went up to the bar, and asked for a Coke. It was free. So score a point for clubbin!
- I can see why the quality of relationship that evolves in that sort of environment is often shallowly based on physical attraction, and results in one night stands. It doesn't have anything to do with the quality of a person in that environment. See, first of all, the whole scene is an assault on the senses. They dim the lights down low, so you can't really see anyone. Then they use these really cool spinny color lights on the dance floor, so all you can see is the dance floor...and the bar. You can see the bar too. Then they blast this really loud, really seductive music, and so you can't actually communicate with anyone, other than with your sick dance moves- which in my case, would obviously be the visual effect of an animal in heat (and would probably look like an animal on fire). Throw some alcohol into the mix? You're just asking for trouble.
- Friends at your table ordering food=awesome. I had mozzarella sticks, chicken/cheese nachos, and and a cheesy breadstick- all free! Not really free- someone else had to pay for them. For it to be really free, I would have had to have had some sort of magical powers that enabled food to be conjured out of thin air without any sort of thought or effort on my part.
- Are you sober and bored? GO CLUBBIN! Seriously. I left at 11:30, so I missed out on any fireworks, but I imagine that the alcohol, hormones, and sense deprivation can add up to some very funny crap in the wee hours of the morning. Just try not to get picked up by an ugly person.

Normally, this isn't something that I do (obviously). And it's not something that I plan to do often in the future- it's just not me. Really, the whole idea was to spend sometime with friends from school. We graduate in a couple weeks, and while I can justify my overall lack of participation in outside-of-school events (and legitimately justify, for the most part), I know I could have made more of an effort at times as well. I have such tremendous classmates. I've enjoyed learning with them and laughing with them these past two years. There's still 2 weeks left, and still time to enjoy the scholastic experience, make memories, and do papers!

Ugh. Papers.

Slack-biding

I have a friend. Try not to linger too long on this idea- the fact that I have a friend shouldn't come as such a surprise to you. But anyways, I have a friend. No, see, you're still fixating on this bizarre concept that shouldn't be so bizarre. I mean, lots of people have friends, right? Why shouldn't I have a friend? I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and gosh darn it people like me. In the interest of full disclosure (and self-credibility), I have at least 380 friends.

So my friend goes to a church. He used to be very involved in the worship program at that church. Over the last year, he hasn't been involved. He's been very busy with school and work.

When the schedule of worship teams came out for the semester, his name wasn't on any of the teams. His name wasn't in one of the reserve spots. It was almost like he was forgotten.

Evidently, when your past gets erased, so does the top half of your face.

Here is the kicker, and the reason that this blip on the radar became the inspiration for a blog post on organizational theory-he wasn't informed of the decision. He talked to the leader a month ago or so, and was told that they would try to find a spot for him. And so my friend waited...waited...still waiting...

So he talked to another friend about the situation. That person contacted the leader. The leader then talked to my friend, and told him that he wasn't going to be on any of the teams. The reason? Ultimately it boiled down to that 20th century brand of leprosy- backsliding.

Now what constitutes his backsliding? Is it the lack of church attendance (which has been sporadically infrequent over the past year)? Or some other behavior that is more egregious? I only have third hand information, but for the sake of where I want to take this blog, we're going to assume that it's the former.

How does this tie into organizational theory? It does, you have to trust me. This blog will be talking about the church specifically (and when I say 'the church', I mean the church as a whole and not this specific church. And if your head isn't spinning just a little bit, then go find a meri-go-round, use it, and then come back and read this paragraph), but the concepts can be generalized to many types of organizations.

First of all, what is an organization? The answer, in all it's glorious truth, is right here. Churches are organizations. As organizational entities, I want to focus on the 'social arrangement' and 'pursues collective goals' of churches.

Obviously the church is a social arrangement- I honestly don't know what I can really say to expand on this point. You go there, it's social- and it's arranged. So we're moving on to the next point.

The church pursues collective goals. Each individual church has its own mission statement, but generally the idea of the church is to see other people saved/converted to the faith of that church, and then to see the faith of the people involved developed along a certain doctrinal line of thinking. Those are what we would call manifest (or explicit) goals- but there are latent goals as well. Latent goals are goals that are not explicitly stated, but nonetheless are very much present.

There are multiple latent goals, but one that I want to focus on is church attendance. Because the church, as an organization, needs people to fulfill its mission. People are needed to (among other things) provide financial support and to bring other people into the congregation. So when there are less people attending, there are less people to fulfill these functions. And the church as an organization will suffer.

(Here I will point out that there are an infinite number of tributaries that I am consciously aware are pulling me away from what I want to focus on. Religion and organized religion lend themselves pretty well to all sorts of discussion. Really, that is not my goal here. My goal is to look at a specific behavior (in this case, church attendance) and how that behavior relates to an organizational structure (in this case, the church), and how people play a role in the functioning of an organization. Are we on the same page? Obviously a silly question- on the internet, if we were on different pages, then you wouldn't be reading this blog, you'd be on a different website.)

Organizations impose behavioral expectations upon their constituents. Sometimes those expectations are explicit- for example, a school has policies about what you can and can't do. There are consequences if you don't abide by the rules of the school. If you're an athlete who gets caught with a controlled substance- it's going to mess up your season.

There are also the unspoken expectations- and church attendance is a great example of that. There is (I suppose this is an assumption on my part) nothing written that says you have to be in church every time the doors are open- it's an expectation that becomes socialized. People assume it to be true because the latent mandate from the organization.

(The study of organizational behavior is fascinating- to see how people behave in the context of an organization versus their normal patterns of behavior. Again, I'm trying really hard to stay on task, because there are just so many places I could follow this line of thinking.)

People in leadership positions (usually) abide by the spoken and unspoken rules of the organization- because they have a purpose in that organization, and if the structure of the organization is not adhered to, then the organization will die. I don't think many leaders are consciously aware of this- it's largely an unconscious process that is driven by the need of the organization to stay alive.

So let's get back to this idea of lack of church attendance=backsliding. What's the real story?

I don't think you should assume that irregular church attendance is equivalent to backsliding, and I also feel that people shouldn't feel like they have to be in church every Sunday.

WHAT?!?!?!

Now let me kind of explain- as I mentioned before, churches need attendance so that the church as an organization will continue to survive. And I'm not advocating for churches to die. I think that regular church attendance can be a good thing.

What I am saying is that you have to be able and willing to look outside of what you perceive is to be 'the way things are supposed to be'. Because is my friend a backslider because he doesn't go to church? What about his life away from the organization? Would it be possible for a person to have 100% church attendance and be more of a backslider than my friend (answer: yes)?

I believe that faith is an important dimension of our human experience. And I even believe that there is room for faith to enter into other dimensions. I do not, however, believe that any one dimension should choke off any other. Balance is important. And if you are just going to church because you think it's the right thing to do, or out of obligation...I don't want to tell you what to do, I just think that you should evaluate things a little bit.

It's true that, overall, I have used a very simple scenario as the framework for these thoughts. However, I think that the ideas are just as relevant.

I also want to tie into another thought that I've had chewed on for awhile. I often wonder, if I was to completely turn my back on my faith- everything about it, and just start living this completely off-the-mark lifestyle...how many of my friends in the church would continue to be friends with me?

I'm not talking 'maintain the relationship in order to bring the lost sheep back into the fold' friendship- I'm talking an actual 'love and accept me for who I am' friendship. And in my mind, I don't think that this would happen.

It's probably a cynical thought- but think about it. People have a finite amount of time, resources, and energy. When you are actively a part in an organization (like a church), you are expected to donate a certain amount of those to the organization. Whether it be doing nursery, or playing music on a worship team, or greeting- there are tasks that need to be done, and people required to do those tasks.

So you have to then begin to prioritize. You have to cut things out, and sacrifice certain things (or people- and I don't mean actually sacrificing. Because that would be gory) in order to give your best to other things (and people).

I'm not explicitly against organized religion- because I believe that it does some great things. I've been a part of various churches for the past 10+ years, and I don't plan on quitting anytime soon.

But I do feel that church as we know it is not how the church was intended to function. I think that, because of the organizational nature of the church as we know it, there is a tendency for the importance of human intimacy to get lost in meeting the needs of the organization. Again, remember that this isn't just a church thing- this is an organization thing.

I'll leave with this last tidbit of thought... if we use church attendance as a means to determine a level of spirituality, then Jesus...well, Jesus probably would have been considered a backslider.

PIC- http://www.impawards.com/2004/posters/forgotten.jpg

Some more reading for your enjoyment. I read all of these articles before writing this blog. While I didn't quote any of them specifically, I did use them to refresh my memory. So I should probably cite them.

Fantasy Redemption

Has Bill Simmons done a levels of nerd-scale yet? I know he's done lots of others (and they're usually good reads too), but I don't know about the nerd one (and frankly, I'm too busy/tired/scared to look).

I am just starting to think that whatever the higher levels of nerdiness are, I'm up there. I watch cartoons. I read comics. I play a tabletop minis game that is based on comics. I play fantasy sports. I often roam around my house in my underwear. To top it all off, I blog about all of those things. Except the underwear...but I almost did. I was going to write about the merits of boxer-briefs, but Sara put the kibosh to that.

What a great segue into my blog! Forget seamless transitions- the jalopy wall crash is the way to go!

So fantasy football didn't work out so well for me. Last time I talked about it (not just on my blog- I mean the last time I talked about this. Think of this is kind of my own personal therapy session- and you're privy to my deepest and mostest private thoughts!) I had wrapped up a recap of the second half of my season, and I was planning about blogging about the playoffs. Then I lost in the first round of the playoffs by 15 points to the eventual league runner up. My life spiraled out of control. It didn't matter that I won the next two games on the consolation ladder- like that was supposed to console me! Really? If I wanted to be consoled in the first place (which I didn't), I certainly wouldn't climb a ladder. Maybe I'd go on like the Love Boat or something- but not a consolation ladder.


So anyways, I was so down in the dumps that I decided to let my fantasy hockey team, the Arabian Arabian Knights (I should at this point let you know that I'm not going to be doing any sort of crazy, in-depth roster review/schedule breakdown for hockey- too long of a season, and I'm too lazy. Oh, and I was considerate and thought of you the reader. That last one is a lie), slip into the doldrums of not-bothering-to-update-the-line-up.

I'm not sure if that's actually how the time table worked. Maybe I let my hockey team go during the last few weeks of the regular season in football and then returned to hockey when my football season went to hell. I'm sure that the truth is out there, and whatever the not-truth is just happened in some sort of weird alternate dimension.

So anyways, my fantasy hockey team probably went about a month without getting any sort of weekly roster updates. I gave up on it for a while. It's kind of like I was dumped, and got really depressed, and so I started to neglect the other girlfriend that I had apparently had on the side while I was dating the first girl, but then the second girl does something to get your attention, and then you remember her, and it ends up being this really amazing relationship.

Because that's what happened. My sort-of-rebound girlfriend, once I started paying attention to her (I suppose this would be a good time to remind the reader that when I say 'sort-of-rebound girlfriend', I'm talking metaphorically about fantasy hockey. I do not need relationship stress right now. I suppose relationships stress would be something like fantasy soccer), ended up being a great fit for me.

I overcame that month-long hiatus to finish 14-8 and win my division, which earned my team a first round bye in the playoffs. First round bye? Moi? And that record could have been even better had I not lost about 3 games because I was busy wallowing in self pity. Good golly, I am awesome at fantasy hockey!

Long story short, I ended up winning my first playoff match-up, and then again in the semi-finals this week to reach the finals next week. And unfortunately, I'm pretty confident that's where Uncle Mo is going to get off the train.

The guy I'm playing? 19-3 regular season (in the toughest division, I might add). Highest scoring team in our league. If we had played this week? He would have beat me by 60. Short of a miracle or a voodoo hex (obviously the hex is a last resort), I'm going to be the first loser.

But still...I would much rather be in the championship game with a shot at all the marbles than on the sidelines after one week. Or with an old dude on a love boat.

Pic- http://blog.myweddingfavors.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/10/love-boat.jpg