And so I tucked my tail between my legs and ran away

Why is it that we (or maybe more accurately, "I") have such a difficult time with confrontation?

I can't begin to tell you sometimes how much internal struggle and angst I go through when trying to write things sometimes. It's not happening right this second....because that would imply that I was working on two blog posts while I was supposed to be studying/watching the kids. And I just don't do that.

But it was just a thought that popped into my head, and so here we are- me writing, you reading, me trying to figure out what to say, you trying to figure out what I'm trying to say.

I just...I've always had this blessing/curse of being able to/always trying to get along with people. And so, truth be told, I avoid confrontation at times. Many times. Some might say all the time. For better or for worse, I care about what people think. It's one of my best and worst qualities. I'm starting to feel like Gollum here a little bit.

I'm getting better- but it's still difficult. And I ponder this, thinking of things I want to write about in my blog, things that might make people upset, or angry, or...even change the way they think or feel about me! GASP!

Is it silly? Yes. And no. Because I know how people are. People can be fickle and folly, and allow things that are insignificant in the grand scheme of things to get in the way. I also know how I am. I know that I can be insecure, and I can sometimes view these challenges in the wrong way.

Like so many things in life, there are multiple stakeholders, and many sides, and cause-effect is not always so easy to determine.

What's that old saying? Don't throw the baby out with the bathwater? Unfortunately, I've seen my fair share of babies go down the drain because someone decided to throw their tub away. Also, I've seen myself refuse to take baths for fear of being mistaken for said bathwater. You do know I'm speaking metaphorically, right?

Anyhow, my point is that I'm working towards trying to get to that point where I can say what I really think and feel, regardless of what other people think and feel about it (and about me). It's not always easy to undo 30 years of habit. But I'm working on it.

NOTTA FINGA

There. I said it.