Detroit sports

Lord, please deliver me into the hands of a winner. And by winner, I mean a team that is not based in Michigan.

I have a confession (which is ironic, because I'm planning on writing about confession later on this week)- I am cursed. Somehow, some way, there has been a curse placed on me. I don't know how, or why- it just is. Perhaps my shoes are too tight. Maybe my head isn't screwed on quite right. But I think that the most likely reason of all is that I am a loser.

What is my curse? I am doomed to root for sports teams that fail.

The title of this blog is Detroit sports, but it's not just about Detroit sports- it's pretty much every sporting endeavor that I can think of. Detroit sports just symbolize the ineptitude of my rooting experience.

The last time I was able to successful focus my positive energy towards a winning cause in a significant game was when Chris Osgood was kissed by Lady Luck at the end of Game 6 of the 2008 Stanley Cup finals. Little did I know that I was headed for two years of heartache and disappointment. Let's recap:

Summer 2008- The Pistons lose another Eastern Conference Championship series, this time to the Boston Celtics. Rasheed Wallace mails it in. Shortly afterwards they fire Flip Saunders and hire Michael Curry. Meanwhile, the Red Wings sign Marian Hossa, effectively sealing their 2009 Stanley Cup demise. What else...oh yeah, the Tigers, who were the chic pick to win the world series, fall apart. Dontrell Willis' arm goes AWOL and the team goes 74-88. AND they trade Pudge Rodriguez. To the Yankees.

Nooooooooooo!!!! Don't trade Pudge to the Yankees!!! They're the enemy! And we Detroiters gotta stick together and never defect to the enemy, no matter what happens. Solidarity, brothers!

Fall 2008- Detroit Lions=0-16. Need I say more? Yes I do- Michigan Wolverines=3-9. What else- oh yeah, they lost to Toledo. At home.

The University of Michigan concedes the point. (Dammit).

I think that this is a good time to remind you, the reader, that it is extremely painful for me to rehash all of these events, and if you are in any way responsible, you can go ahead and release me from this state of torture. I'm glad you had fun, but this is a mans life we're talking about here! What kind of sick person would do this to somebody????

Besides this guy?

Winter 2009- The Arizona Cardinals lose a heartbreaker to the Pittsburgh Steelers. This is cursed on two levels- my fav QB Kurt Warner losing a Super Bowl that he could have easily won, and the Pittsburgh Steelers winning another Super Bowl. And because I have this really irrational hatred of Pittsburgh sports teams, this event has an exponential multiplier.

Spring 2009- The Michigan State Spartans make a miracle run to the NCAA Championship game. This run promises to restore the devastated Michigan economy, bring back the automotive industry, end violent crime, and virtually eliminate racism. Unfortunately, Tyler Hansborourgh is a selfish jerk and leads North Carolina to a thrashing of the children of hope.

If you look up 'loyalty' in the dictionary, you will find this picture. And the picture will be stabbed right through the heart with a knife.

Summer 2009- First off, let me preface this by saying that 2009 was an absolutely terrible year for me. And the summer of 2009 was a snapshot of that. Where to start? I could start with the Pistons getting swept in the first round- by the Cavs. I could start with the Tigers blowing a three-game lead with only four games to play and then losing an extra-inning playoff game to the Twins. But I think I'll start with the Red Wings losing the Stanley Cup finals to the Pittsburgh Penguins. We lost in Game 7 at home. We had a 3-2 lead. The cup was in our grasp, and we basically handed it off. To the Penguins- of Pittsburgh.

Prepare for the Reckoning. By 'Reckoning', I mean 'Crap Hitting The Fan'.

Fall 2009- The Lions and Wolverines do not need to be talked about. The Tigers getting rid of Palanco and Granderson- that does. Because now, for all intents and purposes, the Tigers' 2010 season is a lost cause. It's like we went into mini-fire sale mode. For all that went wrong in 2009, the Tigers were one game away from making the playoffs. Now? I can't even hope for the lottery, because baseball doesn't do a draft lottery. Honestly, I'm not even sure if baseball has a draft. Plus, Granderson is now a Yankee.

Come on, what do you expect??? I'm a rookie QB playing for an 0-16 team in a city that has a 50% unemployment rate.

Winter 2010- And that brings us up to now. The Pistons are all but mathematically eliminated from playoff contention- and honestly I wouldn't want them to make the playoffs, for fear of the embarrassment that would be wrought. Does Detroit really need more negative attention brought to itself? The Red Wings, Stanley Cup finalists the last two years, are struggling to even make the playoffs this year (although I feel a little better about their ability to not suck). The Lions...can we not go there? Only a miracle finish against the Cleveland Browns (and yes, those words should not be used together in the same sentence) kept us from the worst record in the league for two years in a row. Did we really flirt with .500 as recently as 2007? Man I miss those days! Team U.S.A. lost to Canada in the Gold medal game. What's worse, Sidney Crosby scored the game winner. The Saints won the Super Bowl. Not that I'm pro-Colts, I just didn't want New Orleans to win because I don't like the way some of their players carry themselves on the field. They're cocky. They're arrogant. They're poopy heads.

I AM THE STRONGEST MAN ALIVE!!!!

Maybe there is redemption on the other side of this heartbreak. Maybe these trials are really meant to test my inner resolve. Maybe one day I will look back at this dark hour of history and smile knowingly at what intestinal fortitude has been forged in the fires of my pain.

And maybe the Lions will win the Super Bowl someday too.

PICS: Rich Rodriguez- http://genuinelysarcastic.blogspot.com/
Curtis Granderson- http://www.zimbio.com/pictures/WIgRq9YFDxz/Detroit+Tigers+v+Kansas+City+Royals/jChkRup92aJ/Curtis+Granderson
Rasheed Wallace 1- http://www.reclinergm.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/06/rasheedwallace.jpg
Rasheed Wallace 2- http://www.slamdunkcentral.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/04/rasheed-wallace-428a.jpg
Rasheed Wallace 3- http://www.lebasketbawl.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/09/Rasheed-Wallace-9.29a.jpg
Jim Tressel- http://www.hornethallway.com/JR_High/Student_webs/2008/siler/images/Tressel_in_grey_sweatervest.jpg
Matthew Stafford- http://s4.hubimg.com/u/2070967_f520.jpg
Chris Osgood- http://www.fm96.com/home/images/ImageLibrary/RealImage/2009/4/c1a99d9d-68e1-4856-be70-f1a475892d0a.jpg
Sidney Crosby- http://media.cleveland.com/olympics_impact/photo/sidney-crosby-hockey-win-022810jpg-26f2f811ba252227_large.jpg
Happy Gilmore- http://images2.fanpop.com/images/photos/3100000/Happy-Gilmore-Screencaps-adam-sandler-3137650-780-438.jpg