So close and just one point too far...

So I got invited to the very classy and prestigious Honors Reception at Northern Michigan University. You've probably never heard of it, so that should tell you how classy and prestigious it was- invitation only.

I'm not a big fan of this sort of thing normally. Awards ceremonies and banquets are not my bag, baby. Probably because I hate to dress up. Probably because, as outgoing as I can seem, I'm actually a pretty shy introvert in social settings. And since the e-mail (um, wait, I meant invitation) wasn't very clear about who could come (actually, the e-ma-doggone it I did it again-invitation wasn't very clear about many things, and so I ended up telling the lady at the front table my name, even though I didn't need to and so then I looked like an idiot), I was there by myself. And all the other smart kids. And their parents. And faculty.

So it was slightly awkward, but I ended up being saved by a guy I used to work with at the RTC, whose wife received one of the 'Outstanding Graduating Graduate Students' (or O.G.G.S.) awards. We chatted, caught up, and had a great time. I'm really glad I went- I got to see an old friend, there was good food, and I got a booklet. With my name on the back. Along with like 200 other students. Fortunately, the name 'Jason Parks' is one of those highly memorable names that sticks out in a crowd.

Apparently (see, this would have been good to know in the e...invitation) tonight was about the BIG dogs. THE smart kids. You know, the ones that get good grades AND are boy/girl scouts AND part of big brothers/big sisters AND volunteer at the homeless shelter AND get published in national research journals AND rescued your cat AND...you get the idea. They're smart. Smart and involved. Which, being involved in and of itself is smart, because if you want to get awards in college, you have to be involved in stuff. So that's why it's smart. It's like smart-A. You have to be smart and smart-A.

I knew going into this that I wasn't going to be one of those guys. I don't do extra stuff outside of school, for the most part. If I'm not working or in class, I'm usually at home, studying/chilling/spending time with my kids. Obviously, that's not extra-curricularer enough for the heads of state (by the way- what in the world does provost mean? Such a weird word...). It is a little frustrating though. I mean- sure, there are people that are volunteering, helping out the less fortunate, making the world a better place.

Sadly, it seems that taking care of your children is not viewed as anything extraordinarily great in this country. Because there is no pay attached to it, it's not considered work- I mean, people acknowledge that it's a form of work, and that it's difficult. But to get recognition? You have to be out there making money to get recognition. And kids just aren't money makers. Unless you ignore child labor laws. Even then, they don't work hard enough to justify what you're paying them. Um, ah, that's...well, that's just what I've heard. On...um, on the internet. Yeah, that's it. The internet.

Anyhow, I'm getting off track. I didn't mean to bitch and moan. Well, maybe a little bit- but not about the stuff that I just got done bitching and moaning about. So I apologize to those of you who have low Bitching and Moaning Forbearance (B.A.M.F.), because it's time for...

B.A.M.F. 2

The thing I'm blogging about is that, while the main honorees were not my cup of tea, they did honor a group of students that I could have been a part of-students that are graduating with a 4.0 GPA. Tonight, Northern Michigan University honored four students. Four.

There could have been five.

See, I currently have a 3.98. I don't say that in order to brag- it's just a fact. My grade point average is 3.98. And I have worked hard for the last three years to get to that point. Around the time I officially started the social work program, I really wanted to be able to have a 4.0 for graduation.

Last semester, one of my teachers had some health problems. As a result, our final exam ended up being a take-home exam- with the caveat that we couldn't treat it as a take-home exam. That is, we had to sit down and take it in the ordinary one hour/forty minute block that we would have had if we had taken it during exam week. And we weren't supposed to use our books- only withdrawals from the memory bank.

Well, proudly, I adhered to the requests of my teacher. I sat down with this exam, wrestled with it for an hour and forty minutes, and put it away. I don't say this to puff myself up as a pillar of integrity (Lord knows I'm the last person that would qualify for that honor)- that's just how I did it. I felt it was the right thing to do. And you know what? I wasn't as prepared as I wanted to be, which is completely on my shoulders. I ended up getting a 74 out of 100. C grade. Average.

Because that 74 was not a 75, I missed getting an 'A' by one point. One. measly. point. And you know what? I was okay with it. I was okay with it because I knew that I had done the right thing. I had respected my teachers wishes, and not sacrificed my honor for a grade. It also allowed me to be free from the pressure of having to maintain a perfect GPA. So I don't regret it.

But....I have to admit, it was a little difficult, sitting there listening to the provosty lady gush about these four students who had 4.0's, and how they had to wade through all sorts of different areas of studies- not just their specific area, to conquer the 4.0 pinnacle, and how hard they worked, and blah blah blah....and I cringed just a little bit inside, knowing that I was one point away from being up there- one point away from being one of those hallowed few.

And so I thought about the merits of this educational system. I thought about how we measure people not by what is unseen, but what is seen. I thought about students working so hard to impress others with the splendor of their accomplishments. I thought about how I was just like each and every one of those people that got to stand in front of the room in recognition...except for one point. And I felt sad.

See, my intention is not to discredit the students who were honored at Northern Michigan University tonight- they have worked hard, they have stretched themselves, and they deserve to be recognized for what they have achieved. And my intention is not even really to bring recognition to myself (although, admittedly that is a very latent outcome of this blog. If you wish to heap more recognition on me, I would be more than happy to take it).

But what about those whose finest hours are behind the scenes? What about others who missed out on a perfect GPA because of a 'fit' of consciousness? Or life happening? Or those who aren't actively involved on campus- because they are actively involved in the lives of their children? Have they not also achieved great things? Maybe not the sorts of things that can be measured on a scale, or on a plaque, or a press release- but great things nonetheless.

I believe that throughout our lives, many of us will do amazing things that no one will ever know about. Are we okay with that? Can we live with the idea that we aren't going to be walking on the red carpet? That there will be no certificates or ceremonies for us? Am I okay with walking away from an Honors Reception, .02 points away from being a member of an elite academic group in my school, because I knew it was the right thing to do?

Obviously, there is a part of me that does wish that things were just a little bit different. Just one point- and then the questions start. 'If I could have recalled just a little bit more information'...but come on. That's ludicrous. That past is the past, and it's pointless to live in it. I may not have a piece of paper that says '4.0' on it. But I feel that I have something far, far more valuable in hand- a sense of myself, and who I am, and a realization of how I should relate to my fellow human beings. And that, friends, is an honor that will have an impact from tonight to all the tonights beyond.

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