I hear...voices...

Being a student of humanity and a connoisseur of verbal communication, I have a keen appreciation of people's voices. I love listening to the qualities of a voice- its timbre, its cadence, its pitch. I love how people can bend the intervals to take one phrase and make it mean something completely different. I like how you can use your voice and manipulate a mundane, normal phrase and Schrute it. The human voice is phenomenally diverse, wonderfully complex, and a unique work of art.

I have decided that there are a few voices that stand out above the white noise of the masses. See, we all have a unique quality to our voice. Don't believe me? I only speak the truth-we're all individuals-and this includes our voices. Nonetheless, there are some people who are more unique than the rest of us, and it is to those select and exalted few that I devote this blog. I present to you, in no particular order other than the one that I wrote them down in- The Top 5 Voices In Movies (I was going to say the Top 5 Voices, but then I realized that by leaving out sports announcers, musicians, and radio personalities, amongst others, I was neglecting a huge portion of entertainment...and opening myself up to flames).

1) Liam Neeson
Schindler's List, Batman Begins, Chronicles of Narnia, Taken, Star Wars: Episode I

Dude, Liam doesn't even need the force to trick my mind- that deep bass-y, smooth-yet-raw voice registers very high on the list of recognizable voices. Really, this is the only guy on my list that could have pulled of Aslan AND Zeus-there is a very regal quality to his timbre, a very soothing melody that can, at a moment's notice, thunder with enough force to put the fear of God through your soul. Probably because he is playing the role of a god, a god that is either a) a lion or b) really really shiny.

2) Michael Wincott
Count of Monte' Cristo, The Crow, Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves, The Three Musketeers

The name might not ring a bell...but if you heard Mr. Wincott say his name, you'd know right away who it was. A deep, gravelly voice that sounds like a gravel pit swallowed a case of smoker's cough- there's nothing pretty or girly about Wincott's signature sound-waves. Usually cast as the right hand man/enforcer of the main bad guy, his voice is basically perfect- I imagine he inspires a certain level of cooperation simply because people are afraid that he will cough on them and give them cancer.

3) Willem Dafoe
Spider-man, Mississippi Burning, Daybreakers, The Aviator, The Last Temptation of Christ, Finding Nemo

Admittedly he scores some points for having a cool name, and for playing the Green Goblin in the Spider-man movie that made Super-hero movies en vogue, but make no mistake- his voice box projects one of the most distinguishable voices known to man. Like Wincott, Dafoe has a very gravelly texture to his voice- but the higher pitch works to create an effect that acoustically strikes me as a warm knife cutting through butter. Dafoe is also very versatile, and perhaps more than any guy on my list, Dafoe is equally at ease using his voice for good...or for awesome.

4) Morgan Freeman
Invictus, The Dark Knight, Bruce Almighty, Glory, War of the Worlds, The Shawshank Redemption

If I was going for an ultimate ranking list, instead of a random list, you can rest assured that Morgan would be much, much higher than 4. His is perhaps the most recognizable voice on the list, and while that statement could be debated, what is above reproach is his body of work. I mean, he has played God, Nelson Mandela, and the guy that hooked Batman up. No one else could do that. He was able to make the Visa Olympic commercials more about the Olympic and less about the Visa during a terrible economic time.

As far as his voice goes- I mean, we all know the Morgan Freeman voice- it has such a rich, smooth texture, with a depth of wisdom that few others possess. It's like a milkshake for the ears. Anything that Freeman says gains anywhere between 30% and 53% more credibility simply because he says it. I mean, I almost ended up with a Visa Platinum account that I don't need and can't afford just because Morgan Freeman told me how awesome it was...if it weren't for my poor credit. Apparently those bastards at Visa don't understand the hypnotic effect that Morgan Freeman can have on people who like to buy now and pay later.

5) Keith David
The Princess and the Frog, Platoon, The Tiger Woods Story, Coraline, Barbershop, Road House, Dead Presidents

Probably the most controversial inclusion on my list (and there is no way that I would ever falsely introduce the idea of controversy in order to make my writing more interesting), because he's not as well known for his movie roles- David has done lots of video games and TV stuff, and not as much in the movies. Nevertheless, his voice is instantly recognizable (even if, like Wincott, I had no idea what his name was) and permanently attached to his face.


Dude-what?

Okay, so a couple of years ago, I wrote about how God Himself divinely intervened and created Patrick Stewart for the role of Charles Xavier in X-men. You might be impressed at my impressive recollection of my writing. It's also very likely that you'd be less impressed to know that I re-read my blog every day. I'm like the kid that graduated in 1997 and wears his varsity jacket in 2010. Yes, that's me.

Anyways, what I mean when I say that his voice is attached to his face is that Keith David's face is the visual representation of his voice. It is this very aggressive, hard, arrogant sneering voice that is mirrored in his aggressive, hard, arrogant sneering face. Keith David, if you're reading this, I mean that in as nice a way as possible, which is actually much nicer than it sounds.

I'd love to hear your thoughts. You'll notice that there are no females on this list. That is only partially because I am a chauvinistic male pig. It's mostly because I couldn't think of too many memorable female voices- so please, suggest some to me. The closest that came to my mind was Julia Roberts, but I don't find her voice to be better than mi hombres. If I make a list of Top 5 Laughs...you can be sure she'll be on it.