Rip Van Winkle

Whoa- has it been a month since I last posted my thoughts to the world? What a sad thing- to know that over 31 days have past, and I have not spent a single moment writing a single word on this digital projection of myself?

What could have possibly happened to make this so? I honestly wish that I had more in me- more desire to read, to write, to ponder and think and invent and solve. Maybe in the next couple weeks I can find it in myself to make that happen. I hate to blame an outside source, but my impending ending employment will probably help in a lot of ways.

What? You haven't heard? Why yes, it's true. The job that mere months ago I was touting as a harbinger of a better Jason has, in fact, stuck its fangs into my neck and sucked out the life of me. I am torn, and shattered, and feeling a little defenseless. On the other side, I know that I will still learn, and still grow, and that many of the things that I wrote about will come to pass- but right now, it is not that time.

I have realistically been just surviving- well, that is not entirely true. I have spent many moments of enjoyment with my wife and children. I have laughed. I have spent time with Lake Superior.

But the things that I have wanted to so desperately do- reading and writing and pondering, and all those sorts of things? I have not found time for them. Well, that, and I have not made time for them.

All of the strength and confidence of my graduation has drizzled away- I stand here a fragile and flimsy soul. I know that I am only a short breath away from being whole again- but it is so hard to breathe!

I shan't tarry long, because I see this note spiraling down into a sadder state than I thought. In reality, this moment calls for celebration. I have, in the past days, taken steps to reclaim myself. This process will not be easy, nor short, but I know what is in me, and who is with me. In the coming weeks, I hope to set myself right again. Until then, if you are reading this, then I thank you for taking the time. I'm sorry it is not more than it is. It will be, and sooner than I imagine...but right now is not then. And so I slink off to the comforts of mindless internet surfing and video game playing...