At least having kids provides chances to utilize wisdom...but not like you'd think. I'm not talking about 'birds and bees talk' type stuff, or 'don't run with sharp objects'...I'm talking about television entertainment- specifically with Disney movies.
See, before I had kids, I had this nostalgic romanticism about Disney movies. I still consider 1989-1994 to be the Golden Age of animated Disney movies. The Little Mermaid, Beauty and the Beast, Aladdin, The Lion King- I don't know what the numbers say (and quite frankly, I am not interested in looking because it might be devastating to my case), but these are the best, most successful Disney movies of all time. Great music, memorable characters, and excellent stories- or so I thought.
Watching these movies with my kids has opened my eyes to some discrepancies. Not discrepancies within the movie- I'm talking discrepancies with reality.
Exhibit A- As a parent and a person with marginal political awareness, I am okay with the idea that Beauty and the Beast takes place in 'a far away land'. That's sort of the fairy tale shtick. What I'm not fine with is their government structure and lack of parental responsibility.
First of all, if this is a royal family...what exactly are they the monarchy of? Isn't the whole point of a monarchy to provide the governmental structure of a particular group of people and land? I mean, if the prince was just a noble and turned into an animal, it's probably not a huge deal. But this was a prince- and his entire entourage.
I realize that this didn't take place in the Internet age, but surely someone in the kingdom would have noticed that their rulers had turned into walking/talking inanimate objects. Wouldn't that have raised at least some type of awareness that, hey, things have really gone to hell around here- where are our king and queen?
But where are mom and dad in this scenario? Who knows-they aren't even in the picture! The only thing we know about them is that they were bad parents- they raised a child who was spoiled, selfish, and unkind. Granted, part of that is probably just due to the fact that this kid is a prince and an only child- but come on- a royal family that lets their son answer the door? And don't forget that this was at nighttime, during the winter! Where the heck are the Far Away Land Child Protective Services?
Really, the more I think about it, the more I realize that the prince is a victim of poor parenting and circumstance. Surely you can't fault him for his sense of self-preservation. I mean, if your royal parents are making you answer the door during a winter's night, you're probably just thinking about getting back in your nice warm, comfy, royal bed. You aren't thinking about the condition of the love in your heart. And lo and behold, who is at the door? An ugly old hag with a rose. 'Oh sure, come on in, I'll take your rose and give you a place to stay'. Give me a break. It's freezing out, it's late, and there is no way in hell you are getting through this door.
I'm sorry, Obscure Metamorphing Magic User- this is not the time for life lessons. This is the time to be practical. It is cold out, it is late, and you really seem shady. You are not coming inside- I don't care if you have a dozen roses. You do realize that this kid should be in bed right now, not answering the door for you. This is more proof that not just anyone should be in charge of powerful magic, because sometimes people have really strong and twisted senses of right and wrong- and when they decide to act on those morals, they can really destroy other peoples lives.
And you know- it wasn't just Beauty and the Beast either. Take The Lion King, for instance. Mufasa let Simba go around with Zazu as his bodyguard. Letting a lion be guarded by a bird? I know that lions are the king of beasts- but you honestly believe that if crap goes down, Zazu is going to be able to handle some hyenas? And then there is obviously the entire ensemble of dancing, browsing herbivores- that situation doesn't scream obscene danger. Look, Mufasa is a great king, and a loving father- he was just prone to lapses in judgement.
Moving on to The Little Mermaid- what's up with Prince Eric? Another case of 'what are you actually the prince of', he is victim to negligence by his top adviser, Grimsby, who lets Prince Eric take mystery-girl Ariel on an all-day outing around the kingdom, climaxing with an evening rendezvous alone in a boat on a secluded lagoon. They didn't know it was Ariel, though, because she couldn't talk. So apparently they aren't adverse to just letting Prince Eric gallivant around with any girl that washes up on the shore. I know she was pretty, but come one- she washed up on the shore and she doesn't speak! Isn't that a little suspicious? I have news for you, Prince Eric- chicks can be dangerous ninja assassins too.
Aladdin is not immune either- the Sultan lets Jasmine go around with a pet tiger. A tiger? What, were all therabid bears taken? Ask Sigfriend and Roy- even friendly tigers can turn deadly.
So what does this all mean? Is Disney against parents? And if they are, is it because parents are stupid? We must be, if we keep subjecting our kids to movies that glorify stupid parenting and the triumph of their children in spite of it. Well, I have news for you Disney- I'm onto you. I am putting my wisdom to good use. I am going to shout from the rooftops about your shenanigans. And don't look for your movies to be played on my PS3- from now on I'm going to only subject my kids to moral bastions like Dora and Diego.
On second thought...what was I saying about wisdom?
Really, the more I think about it, the more I realize that the prince is a victim of poor parenting and circumstance. Surely you can't fault him for his sense of self-preservation. I mean, if your royal parents are making you answer the door during a winter's night, you're probably just thinking about getting back in your nice warm, comfy, royal bed. You aren't thinking about the condition of the love in your heart. And lo and behold, who is at the door? An ugly old hag with a rose. 'Oh sure, come on in, I'll take your rose and give you a place to stay'. Give me a break. It's freezing out, it's late, and there is no way in hell you are getting through this door.
I'm sorry, Obscure Metamorphing Magic User- this is not the time for life lessons. This is the time to be practical. It is cold out, it is late, and you really seem shady. You are not coming inside- I don't care if you have a dozen roses. You do realize that this kid should be in bed right now, not answering the door for you. This is more proof that not just anyone should be in charge of powerful magic, because sometimes people have really strong and twisted senses of right and wrong- and when they decide to act on those morals, they can really destroy other peoples lives.
And you know- it wasn't just Beauty and the Beast either. Take The Lion King, for instance. Mufasa let Simba go around with Zazu as his bodyguard. Letting a lion be guarded by a bird? I know that lions are the king of beasts- but you honestly believe that if crap goes down, Zazu is going to be able to handle some hyenas? And then there is obviously the entire ensemble of dancing, browsing herbivores- that situation doesn't scream obscene danger. Look, Mufasa is a great king, and a loving father- he was just prone to lapses in judgement.
Moving on to The Little Mermaid- what's up with Prince Eric? Another case of 'what are you actually the prince of', he is victim to negligence by his top adviser, Grimsby, who lets Prince Eric take mystery-girl Ariel on an all-day outing around the kingdom, climaxing with an evening rendezvous alone in a boat on a secluded lagoon. They didn't know it was Ariel, though, because she couldn't talk. So apparently they aren't adverse to just letting Prince Eric gallivant around with any girl that washes up on the shore. I know she was pretty, but come one- she washed up on the shore and she doesn't speak! Isn't that a little suspicious? I have news for you, Prince Eric- chicks can be dangerous ninja assassins too.
Aladdin is not immune either- the Sultan lets Jasmine go around with a pet tiger. A tiger? What, were all therabid bears taken? Ask Sigfriend and Roy- even friendly tigers can turn deadly.
So what does this all mean? Is Disney against parents? And if they are, is it because parents are stupid? We must be, if we keep subjecting our kids to movies that glorify stupid parenting and the triumph of their children in spite of it. Well, I have news for you Disney- I'm onto you. I am putting my wisdom to good use. I am going to shout from the rooftops about your shenanigans. And don't look for your movies to be played on my PS3- from now on I'm going to only subject my kids to moral bastions like Dora and Diego.
On second thought...what was I saying about wisdom?
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