There are things that I am, and things that I am not. And one of the things that I am not is afraid to sit here at my computer and say mean things about people. After all, isn't that what we bloggers do? Sit behind our fortresses of facelessness and beef up our bravado?
I read an article today on ESPN.com where The Ohio State U president E. Gordon Gee (Is that his real name? Was he born on Sesame Street? Thank you Santa for the early Christmas Present), or EGG as I will dub him, spouted off his opinion about mid-majors Boise State and TCU and their unworthiness of a national championship game appearance despite their undefeatedness. Now, the presidents of Boise State and TCU have already responded (which makes me smile), but I, the nameless and faceless hero, have not. But I can take it no longer- the silence has made my blood boil, and now I must unboil the blood by being unsilent. Besides, surely an NMU graduate calling out a major college president isn't the silliest calling-out to happen today.
First of all- let it be known that Gee is obviously biased in his assessment. After all- if Boise State and/or TCU get at-large bids in the BCS- well, there is a good chance that OSU is on the outside looking in, since they trail Wisconsin in the most recent BCS standings (and the BCS standings would determine the Big 10 champion if it ended in a 3-way tie), and they trail Boise State and TCU as well. There is a lot of money to be made, and right now, EGG is only in a position to window shop that money.
So what else to do, except go out into the media and plead your case to the masses. I remember Nebraska doing the same thing in 1997- Michigan and Nebraska were both undefeated, but Michigan was number 1, and there was no BCS back then, no way for them to actually settle it on the field. Naturally, what else is a Cornhusker to do except make a lot of noise about how they would just destroy Michigan on the football field (well, that and to have legendary Nebraska coach Tom Osborne retire just before their bowl game. Interesting timing Tom).
Now that we've established that EGG is at best unreliable because he is too close to the situation to be a really objective observer, we can begin to rip on the things that he said.
Far be it from me to judge another human being though. So while I allow the very words of EGG to echo throughout all of teh interwebz, I'll let you make the call. Well, I'll let you make the call after I tell you what he said and then provide my own possibly-slanted commentary.
The following are actual EGG quotes
-"Well, I don't know enough about the X's and O's of college football"- No commentary. Slam dunk. Anytime someone admits that they are ignorant about something, you just slide into 'pretend to listen' mode. If you are trying to speak authoritatively on a subject and then admit that you don't really know much about that subject- then you just laid an egg. EGG.
- "I do know, having been both a Southeastern Conference president and a Big Ten president, that it's like murderer's row every week for these schools." First of all, I've seen The Longest Yard. Both of them. So I can definitively say that you do not play murderer's row every week. Maybe armed robbers row? Or white collar criminals row? I don't know- I'm sure Ohio and Eastern Michigan are not perpetrators of any violent crimes.
-"We do not play the Little Sisters of the Poor. We play very fine schools on any given day."-Oh right, how silly of me to forget that the Big 10 is home to such football goliaths as Indiana (4-7), Purdue (4-7, lost to Toledo), and Minnesota (2-9, lost to South Dakota). On second thought, I believe you owe Little Sisters of the Poor an apology.
-"So I think until a university runs through that gantlet that there's some reason to believe that they not be the best teams to [be] in the big ballgame."- Aside from structurally being a confusing statement- you've already admitted that you don't know much about football. There's much more to the game then the name of the school, or the name of the conference.
-"If you put a gun to my head and said, 'What are you going to do about a playoff system (if) the BCS system as it now exists goes away?'"- What kind of sick masochist thinks of this kind of stuff? Why would somebody ask you a question like that with a gun to your head? They aren't making you do something against your will- they're merely asking for information. 'Give me your opinion or I'll shoot you'. Yeah, that's not how it works- trust me, I've seen Taken.
-"It's not about this incessant drive to have a national championship because I think that's a slippery slope to professionalism"- Because there aren't any athletes getting paid in college sports at this time.
-"I'm a fan of the bowl system and I think that by and large it's worked very, very well."- Let's ask 1994 Penn State about that bowl system. I guess the success depends on how you define your goals. If you want a bunch of meaningless games played in warm weather locations in front of sparsely populated stadiums? The bowl system has been amazing. If you want a definitive national champion? The bowl system sucks ass-assin.
-"You know, it's a mystery," Gee said. "We were No. 1 then No. 11 then No. 7 and we ended up playing for the national championship. I think I kind of like that mixed-up mystery."- You know what else would have mystery and intrigue? Putting the names of all the colleges in the country onto a dartboard, and then putting on a blindfold and throwing darts until you hit the name of a school on the dartboard, and then proclaiming that college as the National Champion.
Mr. EGG, I don't know much about you, other than the fact that you have an amazing name and that you are president of one of the most prestigious universities in all the land. As sole owner and contributor to this blog, I have made many posts that ended up making me look like a fool. This is, of course, in addition to the countless accolades of foolishness I have accumulated over a lifetime of being a fool. When it comes to being a fool, I am peerless as an expert.
So believe me when I tell you that your comments about college football- well, they made you look like a fool. Admittedly, there is no love lost between me and your university (well, there was a little love lost when my bestest cousinfriend Chris went to your school)- but please- I am extending the olive branch now. Leave football alone, and concentrate on the academics of your fine institution
If you continue to put your nose where it doesn't belong- you might just end up poached. Oh come on, I was on a roll. You know you love it.
I read an article today on ESPN.com where The Ohio State U president E. Gordon Gee (Is that his real name? Was he born on Sesame Street? Thank you Santa for the early Christmas Present), or EGG as I will dub him, spouted off his opinion about mid-majors Boise State and TCU and their unworthiness of a national championship game appearance despite their undefeatedness. Now, the presidents of Boise State and TCU have already responded (which makes me smile), but I, the nameless and faceless hero, have not. But I can take it no longer- the silence has made my blood boil, and now I must unboil the blood by being unsilent. Besides, surely an NMU graduate calling out a major college president isn't the silliest calling-out to happen today.
First of all- let it be known that Gee is obviously biased in his assessment. After all- if Boise State and/or TCU get at-large bids in the BCS- well, there is a good chance that OSU is on the outside looking in, since they trail Wisconsin in the most recent BCS standings (and the BCS standings would determine the Big 10 champion if it ended in a 3-way tie), and they trail Boise State and TCU as well. There is a lot of money to be made, and right now, EGG is only in a position to window shop that money.
So what else to do, except go out into the media and plead your case to the masses. I remember Nebraska doing the same thing in 1997- Michigan and Nebraska were both undefeated, but Michigan was number 1, and there was no BCS back then, no way for them to actually settle it on the field. Naturally, what else is a Cornhusker to do except make a lot of noise about how they would just destroy Michigan on the football field (well, that and to have legendary Nebraska coach Tom Osborne retire just before their bowl game. Interesting timing Tom).
Now that we've established that EGG is at best unreliable because he is too close to the situation to be a really objective observer, we can begin to rip on the things that he said.
Far be it from me to judge another human being though. So while I allow the very words of EGG to echo throughout all of teh interwebz, I'll let you make the call. Well, I'll let you make the call after I tell you what he said and then provide my own possibly-slanted commentary.
The following are actual EGG quotes
-"Well, I don't know enough about the X's and O's of college football"- No commentary. Slam dunk. Anytime someone admits that they are ignorant about something, you just slide into 'pretend to listen' mode. If you are trying to speak authoritatively on a subject and then admit that you don't really know much about that subject- then you just laid an egg. EGG.
- "I do know, having been both a Southeastern Conference president and a Big Ten president, that it's like murderer's row every week for these schools." First of all, I've seen The Longest Yard. Both of them. So I can definitively say that you do not play murderer's row every week. Maybe armed robbers row? Or white collar criminals row? I don't know- I'm sure Ohio and Eastern Michigan are not perpetrators of any violent crimes.
-"We do not play the Little Sisters of the Poor. We play very fine schools on any given day."-Oh right, how silly of me to forget that the Big 10 is home to such football goliaths as Indiana (4-7), Purdue (4-7, lost to Toledo), and Minnesota (2-9, lost to South Dakota). On second thought, I believe you owe Little Sisters of the Poor an apology.
-"So I think until a university runs through that gantlet that there's some reason to believe that they not be the best teams to [be] in the big ballgame."- Aside from structurally being a confusing statement- you've already admitted that you don't know much about football. There's much more to the game then the name of the school, or the name of the conference.
-"If you put a gun to my head and said, 'What are you going to do about a playoff system (if) the BCS system as it now exists goes away?'"- What kind of sick masochist thinks of this kind of stuff? Why would somebody ask you a question like that with a gun to your head? They aren't making you do something against your will- they're merely asking for information. 'Give me your opinion or I'll shoot you'. Yeah, that's not how it works- trust me, I've seen Taken.
-"It's not about this incessant drive to have a national championship because I think that's a slippery slope to professionalism"- Because there aren't any athletes getting paid in college sports at this time.
-"I'm a fan of the bowl system and I think that by and large it's worked very, very well."- Let's ask 1994 Penn State about that bowl system. I guess the success depends on how you define your goals. If you want a bunch of meaningless games played in warm weather locations in front of sparsely populated stadiums? The bowl system has been amazing. If you want a definitive national champion? The bowl system sucks ass-assin.
-"You know, it's a mystery," Gee said. "We were No. 1 then No. 11 then No. 7 and we ended up playing for the national championship. I think I kind of like that mixed-up mystery."- You know what else would have mystery and intrigue? Putting the names of all the colleges in the country onto a dartboard, and then putting on a blindfold and throwing darts until you hit the name of a school on the dartboard, and then proclaiming that college as the National Champion.
Mr. EGG, I don't know much about you, other than the fact that you have an amazing name and that you are president of one of the most prestigious universities in all the land. As sole owner and contributor to this blog, I have made many posts that ended up making me look like a fool. This is, of course, in addition to the countless accolades of foolishness I have accumulated over a lifetime of being a fool. When it comes to being a fool, I am peerless as an expert.
So believe me when I tell you that your comments about college football- well, they made you look like a fool. Admittedly, there is no love lost between me and your university (well, there was a little love lost when my bestest cousinfriend Chris went to your school)- but please- I am extending the olive branch now. Leave football alone, and concentrate on the academics of your fine institution
If you continue to put your nose where it doesn't belong- you might just end up poached. Oh come on, I was on a roll. You know you love it.
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