March Sadness

(Editors note: Well, I am technically the editor, but I'm also the writer. So that might be a conflict of interest. But here's my note. I purposefully avoided using the word 'ironically' at least two or three times in this piece because people say that it is being used wrong, and I think I might be a part of the problem. So just so you are all aware that yes, I do sometimes try and take my writing skills a little bit seriously)

Oddly enough, merely one day after writing my award-winning exposition on the Fab Five (and you really don't even need to know what award- just trust me, it's there), I am now writing the sequel: How I Used To Love Basketball But Now Really Don't.

Those that know me well would probably be very shocked for me to admit this. It is almost like I'm admitting that I'm dead. After all, I used to play ball several times a week. I was not necessarily dipping into the hyperbole pool when I said yesterday that I video-taped the entire 2000-2001 season (probably 60-70 video tapes worth of college basketball from that year are now sitting in my parents garage). I listened to hip-hop. I bought And 1 attire. I wore Nike socks, wrist bands, and college jerseys. I played the video games, I filled out the brackets- I wasn't a dabbler, I was an immerseder.

But now- well, I almost didn't even do a bracket this year. Yes, you read that correctly. Please back away from your computer, stop working on heavy machinery, have a seat on a sanctioned comfortable chair, and ponder those words for a second. I almost didn't even do a bracket this year. Everybody does brackets. It's the cool thing to do. Even people that don't know anything about anything do brackets. I'm pretty sure even Balky did a bracket.

Besides, I've always done a bracket in the past. It's a family tradition- we all fill out a bracket and then see who ends up prognostically sucking the least. This year...I almost let that tradition slip. My lil sis saved the day and asked if I was going to do one, and eventually I did (note: I picked Kansas to win before President Obama...which probably means that I am still on The List).

I am really not sure when I really stopped being a die-hard basketball junkie. As with my break-up with Michigan football, there was no one straw that broke the camel's back. It was more likely a very large collection of lead straws that were unceremoniously dropped from the top of a tall building right smack on the came when he was bending over to get a drink of water.

First off, maybe I'm just old fashioned a bit (and now that I'm into my 30's, I feel like I can start saying that), but there are just way too many tattoos right now. It's seriously a distraction. I want to just watch and enjoy the game, but I find myself trying to read the tattoos with words, and wondering what the pictures are of and what they mean. And really, how the heck do these kids have enough money to have all of this ink sunk into their epidermis? I understand how Buckeyes kids can- they just beat Michigan and then sell off their special pins- but for most college students, that's not an option.

And I blame LeBron James too. He's not the first (or only) athlete to think and act like he's bigger than the game...but gosh darn it does he annoy me. The whole macho-angry-scowl thing, the talcum powder toss, the Decision, the complaining during his rookie year when he wasn't named to the all-star team- it's ridiculous. I know that it's a little cosmically funny that a Fab Five fan would take such a dislike in this type of behavior- but I experienced the Fab Five through the eyes of a wide-eyed 6th grader. Totally different things. I experienced LeBron James at a time when they were starting to televise high school games on ESPN. No, really. They are.

A big part of it involves my move to da Yoop. Now, I'm not trying to say that Michigan's Upper Peninsula is in anyway some backwater hick operation where they don't play basketball because it's hard to dribble in the snow. The Mackinaw Bridge doesn't suck your hoop skills from you the way that Mega Maid sucks the Oxygen from Planet Druidia. They play basketball here- and I have heard that some of the players- can even dunk. Who woulda guessed?

But I went from having a place to play ball that was only a mile from my house to living in a place that was miles from any sort of civilization (now that is hyperbole and exaggeration, wrapped up in one big ball of 'I'm gonna get to sleep on the couch this week'). It's not that there aren't places to play up here. I just didn't actively seek any out.

Now that I think about it, the fact that I stopped playing is probably a pretty big factor. I realize that there is this intoxicating rhythm to the game of basketball that I deprived myself from for a long time. And as a drummer, rhythm is inherently a part of my moxie. My DNA is double-helixed to 6/8 time. I allowed those soft places of my heart to be filled by other things. By depriving myself of the basketball drug, I became immune to it's sway.

Basketball has this beautiful cadence about it. The bouncing of the ball against the hard wood floor. The squeak of the tennis shoes. The swish of the net. And the eloquence of the motion- a crossover dribble, a behind the back pass, three pointers from the corner, a sweet pick-and-roll...it is certainly a beautiful game, and it's almost sucking me back in...

Except that it can't. Not right now, anyways. Because it hasn't happened during the time of the calender year when it is most likely to have happened.

I've always been a seasonal sports fan for the most part. Football, baseball, basketball, hockey (and we can probably throw soccer in there right now)- I like all of them, but I've always been more of a follower of each one when they're in-season. And with football season recently completed (with the 2011 season in the beginning stages of not being), hockey not quite to the playoffs yet (which is when I really get rolling with that), and baseball still in Spring Training (I usually don't get into baseball until the late summer, when all the other sports are on break), now is usually the time when my basketball fever is in full gear. It's March Madness, baby! Tournament time! The main event!

Unfortunately, it's just not compelling me this year. It could be that all of the really good players leave after their freshmen year. It might be that a bunch of 10+ loss teams were able to score at-large bids. Maybe my heart is two sizes too small. I don't know. But the fact that I have not been sucked into the first weekend of the tournament (yeah, I know they're calling it the "second round", like we're a bunch of morons or something) is not a good sign for hoops, because there is no other time during the year when basketball can be as exciting or compelling as when a bunch of small double-digit seeds are busy beating the big boys on buzzer beaters.

But basketball is not completely dead to me. I do find myself following box scores and reading some game recaps. I have watched a little bit of the tournament. I am following the Miami Heat, like a vulture circling a wounded animal. And my kids are starting to get to that age where their coordination can handle the rigors of dribbling drills and hoisting hundreds of off-season jump shots. Well, not quite to that age yet. But I do think that basketball is probably going to be the first sport I really try to get them in- because it's something that you can do during any season, and it's a pretty easy sport to teach, really. Besides, they are both in the 90th+ percentile for height, and if that keeps going, maybe I can ride the coattails of their future athletic successes and land right on Millionaire Estates.

Anyways, when is the next World Cup, again?