This has probably been covered ad nauseum, and if hasn't yet, then it surely will after this weekend. Nonetheless, I feel that it is my obligation, my duty, my moral responsibility- to blog about this. Right now.
Red Riding Hood is a Twilight rip-off. Seriously. Go on YouTube. Search Red Riding Hood trailer. See what I mean.
I just got done watching the trailer, and I could not jump off the computer fast enough to tell you all to save your souls by not going to the theater to watch this garbage. Seriously- this is not a new piece of film artwork. It's a Twilight movie with some new costumes.
In the interests of self disclosure, I probably should tell you that we own all three of the Twilight movies released to date. I saw the last two in theaters (Eclipse I saw twice). My wife has read all the books. I even have a Team Jacob water bottle (only because they don't have a Team Jasper). Some people might question my manhood. I prefer to think of it as 'insight into the female mind'. Insight which, BTWs, has not helped me to keep from sleeping on the couch when I forget to bring home a chocolate chip muffin in the morning.
Yes, I realize that publicly admitting that I am a closet Twilight fan could have serious ramifications. I will worry about picking up the broken fragments of my reader base later on. Right now, I have a much more pressing call on my life- to squash this Hollywood copycat trend before it ruins all of the great fairy tales of my childhood like Three Little Pigs or Tom Thumb.
Initially, I liked the idea behind Twilight...chick falls in love with vampire in a modern high school setting. That's kinda cool. And unlike many of my geek friends, it doesn't bother me that Stephanie Meyer took liberties with the vampire and were-wolf myths. After all, a good re-imagining can breathe life into a franchise, and in case you haven't been paying attention, vampires are now chic. Thanks, Steph.
And the love triangle that really developed in New Moon didn't really bother me so much either. I mean, if I had to decide between Robert Pattinson and Taylor Laughtner- it'd probably take me the course of a couple movies. And then Eclipse sort of grabbed me because we got to see some sweet vampire/werewolf throw-downs.
But now I'm starting to get a little bit tired of this whole shtick. I'm done. Out. Fin-ay. This story has officially worn out its welcome. There is only so much Bella-type angst that I can put up with- and it's now over the threshold. I am vehemently against them making any more Twilight films- let alone dragging good and wholesome titles like Little Red Riding Hood through the mud.
(side rant) There is absolutely no reason why Bella should not be choosing Jacob. First of all, he is just physically more attractive. He has bigger muscles. Better hair. More tan complexion. His eyes aren't as dreamy, but that is kinda offset by the fact that he isn't an immortal killing machine that has an insatiable lust for her blood. Plus, he turns into a dog. Sometimes couples struggle with the friendship aspect of a relationship. With Jacob- no probalo! He turns into a ginormous wolf! Imagine that your king size bed had a built-in fuzzy blanket and watch-dogness. You'd snap that up in a heart beat, wouldn't you? (end side rant)
But now the whole emo-fairy tale-love triangle genre is starting to pick up steam. Like a newborn vampire, it's young and strong and hungry- and it doesn't have very good judgment. It's just ripping through all of literature and not stopping until it infects all of them. If Ms. Hood's innocent jaunt through the woods to bring delicious baked goods to her grandmother can be tainted, what dear childhood stories can be safe? Will the big, bad wolf have to choose which of the three little pigs he wants to hook up with? Is there incestuous pedophilia on the horizon with Hansel and Gretel? Is the Ugly Duckling doomed to turn into a beautiful series of one night stands?
We need to take a stand. Now. Tell Hollywood that we don't want to see anymore of this crap. It had it's fifteen minutes- now let's show it the door and tell it that we want to see other people.
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