I'm not normally the nostalgic type. I tend to get lost in whatever moment I'm in, and when I do venture out of my cave, it is often to peer into the crystal ball of the future (and even that is usually just to see what cool new movies or games are coming out)
Oh dear. Well, that's rather ominousSo trying to process the school genesis has made for an interesting journey these past few weeks. At summer's beginning, I didn't think about it too much. After the debacle that was my job last summer, I was determined to milk Summer 2011 for all its worth. I even set up photo albums on Facebook, determined to take tons of pictures to document all the fun we were having. And gosh darnit, it worked! We've had a blast- and there's still a month left (including a trip to the cabin).
But all that fun has a price, and the price is Time. Now it's August- which means that school starts next month. And I've started thinking about it (just a little bit, mind you) and what it means for us. And the truth is, I really have no freaking clue.
Our lives are about to receive the most seismic shift they've seen up until this point- school. Say it with me, in your most deepest, ominoustest voice- SCHOOL. I feel a little bit like the Fellowship, when they heard the drums pounding in Moria, except these Orcs pick their noses and pass gas and make fun of the Orcs who are different and teach other Orcs (who are actually Elves who just played in the mud) inappropriate phrases.
It wouldn't be so disorienting to think about if Shane wasn't starting preschool this year. Shane has always been our anchor to the good old days. Delaney has grown up in a heartbeat it seems, but it hasn't shook us too badly because Shane has always been right there- little Shane, tagging along with his thumb in his mouth and blankey over his shoulder. Little Shane, mispronouncing his 'R's and mindlessly repeating nonsense phrases.
Except that Shane is going to be 4 in less than two months. Not 3. Not even 2. 4. 4!
I'm trying to wrap my head completely around what this means- and I can't do it. Not even close. I mean, sure, I know that there will be some cosmetic changes. The kids will start being gone during the day. They'll start to make friends, and have teachers, and learn new stuff, and we'll have to buy (gasp!) clothes that match.
But the ramifications of all these surface level changes- they're huge! Sara and I have been the buffer between our children and the world. We've been their window. Their door. We've been able to (largely) protect them from what we think they should be protected from and teach them what we think they should be taught.
And they've loved us for it! They love spending time with us. We're superhero rockstars to them. Heck, for all they know, their dad is the biggest, strongest dude out there! And mommy cooks the best food in the whole wide world!
Now, that's going to change. They are going to realize that when some kids says 'My dad can beat up your dad', that kid is probably right. I think we still have a few more years of 'my dad is pretty darn cool'...but it's never gonna be the same, and my fear is that 'Dad is cool' will eventually wane to 'Dad, stop talking to my friends- you're embarrassing me!'. (Which won't actually stop me from talking to their friends, but it might slow me down...a little)
Plus we're putting their education in the hands of strangers. Granted, strangers who have gone through 4+ years of post-secondary education to learn how to be education-doting strangers, but strangers nonetheless. Perhaps more frightening is the thought that we're putting their social education in the hands of their peers- who have been influenced by their parents. Trust me folks- I'm a parent, and I know that parents are bad influences on kids.
Up until this point, we've had control over their friends and social relationships. Play date didn't go so well? We'll just 'lose' that phone number. Things getting testy outside? 'Hey kids, time to come in for...um...well, it's time to come in!'. Or, 'hey, I like hanging out with that set of parents, we should totally go over there again and make our kids play together'.
Not in kindergarten though. We drop them off (of course I'm dropping my kids off- do you know what kind of shenanigans go on during a bus-ride? Public transportation is the cesspool of morality!!!) into a sea of potential deviants and miscreants and probably kids who like to torture ants. We don't know what they're parents were thinking, but we will surely find out soon.
Of course, part of me is overreacting. In case you haven't noticed (or if you tend to just skim my blog and look for cool pictures), I tend to overreact a lot. It's part of living in the moment I guess. I imagine that there are scores of other parents out there who feel the same way, and I know we'll get through it.
And they'll meet new people. Make new friends. There's lots of good kids out there, waiting to be blessed by knowing my seed. This is but the first step in a lifelong journey of changes.
It's just hard to think about the changes that are going to start happening in a month. Not all at once...but a slow, gradual slide as I cease to be the focal point of their lives and move into a position of servitude. It's difficult to see the joy and light on their faces, so innocent and naive, while I lie in bed at night, knowing that in one short month, life is going to change- forever.
Delaney and Shane, I know you'll read this one day (because that's just how I roll- you're my kid, you read my blog). I just want you to know that I love you very much. It's been a wonderful ride these past five years. I've been blessed beyond blessed to have been able to spend so much time with you. I know that I have made my share of mistakes, and I sometimes get distracted by stupid things easily. But you are both the world to me, and I would never trade a single moment of these past five years for anything. I look forward to seeing where God takes you in life- you both have the talent to do whatever you want.
Now about keeping that room clean...
Pic:http://www.thepaltrysapien.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/02/Palantir_Stone.jpg
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