Eulogy to the Victors, valiant

This post is awesome! I understand this man's reasons for turning his back on his birthright! I'm not sure why I'm screaming!

Holidays are a time for many things, and one of the main thing is self-reflection. It is a time when we tend to look in the mirror and really give ourselves the once over. And I don't think we usually like what we find, hence New Years Resolutions. Comparing ourselves to the ideals of the Christmas season (Love, Sacrifice, Hope, Retail) we often find our own qualities lacking. We decide then that changes need to be made. We make room for the new by sweeping out the old.

It is then with a heavy heart with which I deliver this news- I am no longer going to be a University of Michigan fan.

Now, take a pause to let that sink in. Those of you who really know me know how much I love Michigan football...I love it so much that I get downright angry when they lose. Scratch that- I get downright angry when they throw an incomplete pass! I get very passionate about their successes and failures, and the 1997 National Championship is one of my most cherished football memories, right up there with Charles Woodson and his Heisman and Desmond Howard and his Heisman and Brandent Englemon and his Honorable Mention All-Conference season.


Unfortunately, there have been many more disappointments than appointments...er, um, victories. Two of the most vivid involve the hated Spartans of Michigan. One of them is from 1990, when the then #1 Wolverines lost 28-27 because Desmond Howard was raped in front of over 100,000 people and a two point conversion attempt failed. The second is from 1999, when the Spartan clock operator accidentally thought that 1 second was more like 30 seconds, giving the Spartans time for one last play, which they parlayed into the game winning touchdown. I was so mad that I didn't speak to anyone for the next couple hours. I just sat in the living room, brooding. I also have bitter memories of bowl losses to Washington, Tennessee, Oregon, Texas, and a couple to USC.

Well, in the past couple of months, I've started to reflect. And I've started to think. By the way, the thinking thing has gone on much longer than the past couple of months, smart alecs. There is actually evidence of me thinking as early as 2004 A.D., so hahaha the joke is on you. Anyways, I realized that my intense passion had impacted me to the point where I don't even watch the games anymore because I hate what it does to my mood when they lose. Scratch that, when they blow ONE SINGLE SERIES- I basically explode.

Maybe my expectations are too high- I mean, it's impossible for any team to go undefeated and unscored while scoring on every single one of their possessions...I haven't even managed to pull that off on Xbox, which actually isn't very realistic. But I blame the hype machine for fostering an atmosphere that gives birth to unrealistic expectations.

The fact that Michigan had a losing season and broke a 30+ year bowl game streak is only one thread in a tapestry that has slowly unwoven itself over the past several years and is now a pile of old maize and blue string lying at my feet. The first frays really started in the mid 90's, and our string of four loss seasons. Sure, we were owning the Buckeyes during that time. But why should one victory, even over a hated rival, douse the sting of mediocrity? The 1997 championship provided temporary reprieve, but we followed up that season by losing our first two games of 1998 to Notre Dame and the Donovan McNabb-led Syracuse Stupid Mascot Names. Ugh. More pain.

Watching the Michigan towel boy get leveled in 'Waterboy' and the subsequent LMAO chipped a little more away from the aura of invincibility. A few years ago, I actually stooped to buying a hated Spartan shirt at Steve and Barry's (I still own the shirt, it actually looks fabulous on me). These are things that die-hard fans don't do, and here I was, doing them. But the thing is, I didn't feel dirty. At all. I felt...kinda good.

Once my unfailing devotion to the Wolverines came into question, the curtain fell rather quickly. It was not unaided, however. Tom Brady played a big role in this process. As a Wolverine, I adored Brady, and would have gladdly drank the sweat from his game socks. As a New England Patriot? I would gladly dump gallons of sock-sweat on his pretty-boy face. How could I so callously hate own of the Family? I didn't realize it at the time, but my foundation as a Wolverine had crumbled, to the point where my loyalty to Michigan could be stripped away by something as simple as utter hatred of anything to do with the New England Patriots. Of coures, it doesn't help that over the past few seasons, the Big Ten has been unable to compete on the national scene. Michigan and others have had some scattered success in bowl games and high-profile non-conference games, but there has been this sense that everyone else was taking their games to the next level, while the Big Ten was content to live with this notion of 'Three yards and a cloud of dust'. When we play schools like USC and Texas, it's amazing at how much faster they are than we are. And yeah, we beat Florida last year in the bowl game. Why? Because it was Lloyd's fairwell party. If Lloyd would have been back this past year, I'm pretty confident that Florida would have Tebowed us into submission.

Here's two more reasons. Appalachian State. Toledo. Who? These are two of the teams that have come from completely off the radar to deliver humiliating home losses to the Big House. I mean, do Florida and Texas and Oklahoma lose to 1-AA teams at home? Granted those schools schedule the scum of 1-AA, but they just don't lose those types of games. Not like we have the past two seasons.

But the final straw has been the current Buckeye domination of the Winged Helmets. I know that these things are cyclical, and that in the 90's, we had OSU's number. But when Terrell Pryor turns down a chance to be The Man from day one at Michigan running an offense that was designed by God for his talents to attend the bitter rival...well, that's not cyclical. That's something deeper and more mysterious.

And let's just say that we have another unbeaten season that culminates with a National Championship. What then? What is the point? There is no lasting fruit bore, no spoils to enjoy. The thought always goes to the next season. There is no enjoyment. Next season looms, with its challenges, stresses, and inevitable defeat waiting, lurking. Ugh.

I enjoy watching football, I do. And I find that the most enjoyment that I have is not when I watch Michigan win. No, its when I watch a well played game. It's when I see amazingly awesome big plays. It's when I see hard hits. I like watching upsets, hail marys, goal line stands. These things can happen during any game, at any time, and even more so when I am free of my partisan responsibilities.

Now that I am shedding my emotional millstone, I will be free to enjoy football at any and all times. Sure, when I see Michigan play there will be those feelings of longing. Kinda like when you see an ex girlfriend- you remember the good times, and hope she's doing well, but you can't go back with her because she broke your heart and stole all your records. I'm sure some of you will read this and think I'm overreacting, or that I'm a quitter. 'Wait out the storm', you say, while others might call me a fair weather fan. But you know what? I don't care. Because I'm free. I'm free and I love it.


I'll see ya at the Humanitarian Bowl. Or the Tangerine Bowl. Or the Toilet Bowl. And you'll see me, watching football, having fun, and walking away from it all, smiling.


'Jason, again, I think that you had an excellent post. And even though my first season sucked majorly, and my second season could be just as bad, I can hold a press conference with a smile on my face knowing that I have played a part in pushing away a very loyal fanbase'.


Rich photo #1- blog.nj.com/rutgers_football/2008/06/Rich%20Rodriguez%20Rutgers%20Michigan%20WVU.JPG
Rich photo #2- thewareaglereader.files.wordpress.com/2007/12/rr.jpg