Narcissississtic much? A silly Facebook notes anthology

Okay, I love myself. I really do. If you haven't noticed this by now, you just haven't been paying attention. I find myself fascinating. I often laugh at myself, and do things just for my sheer amusement. I'm a shameless self-promoter. Just check out the title of my blog. And I also love lists. I love ranking things, categorizing, just having order in the midst of chaos.

Facebook is notorious for its lists about its members. So when you combine lists with narcissism...well, it's like my brain and technology hooked up, had a kid, and named it 'Awesome'. You mean I get to construct lists about myself? For others to read? Yes, I'll take two, and supersized! I try to do every Facebook list I come across. Some are fun, some suck. But I still do them, because I am hooked.

So now, for your viewing pleasure, I present to you the Special Edition Boxed Collectors Set Greatest Hits of my Facebook notes! There are some behind the scenes stuff, deleted scenes, complete with all four theatrical trailers! Well, some of those things are not true. Actually, none of them are. I basically just copied and pasted these lists from my Facebook page. I know that some of you aren't Facebookers (at least, I'm really hoping...because otherwise I'm reaching 227 people, tops), but if you read it on Facebook, then you read it on Facebook. This is nothing new. The only thing that's cool about this is that it's a collectors set. It has different packaging. You know you want it....it's collectible!

MAKE UP NAMES LIST:
1. YOUR SPY NAME (middle name and current street name)
Dean Lincoln

2. YOUR MOVIE STAR NAME (grandfather/mother on your dad's side and your favorite candy):
Darrell Triple Peanut Butter Cup Ice Cream

3. YOUR RAP NAME (first initial of first name and first 3,4 or 5 letters of your last name):
J-Parks

4. YOUR GAMER TAG (a favorite color, a favorite animal)
Black Newt

5. YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME (middle name, and city you were born in)
Dean Alma

6. YOUR STAR WARS NAME (first three letters of your last name, last three letters of mother's maiden name, first three letters of your pet's name)
Parecznon

7. JEDI NAME (middle name spelled backwards, your mom's maiden name spelled backwards)
Anakin Skywalker (Check the profile photo folks)

8. SUPERHERO NAME: ("The", your favorite color and the automobile your dad drives)
The Clear S-10

9. YOUR ACTION HERO NAME (first name of the main character in the last film you watched, last food you ate)
Gil Pizza

SENIOR YEAR EVENTS LIST:
1. Did you date someone from your school? Yes I did. It was my longest relationship before I met my wife, weighing in at a whopping 3 months. Yeah, I sucked at relationships.

2. Did you marry someone from your high school? No one at my high school was worthy of my hand in marriage.

3. Did you car pool to school? Yes. Yes I did. My 'friend' had a big yellow vehicle...I guess you might call it a 'bus'. She took me and several of my other high school and middle school friends, who all lived on a 'route', to and from school.

4. What kind of car did you have? I got an '86 Plymouth Relient ON THE LAST DAY OF SCHOOL. That's right. My very last day of high school, I went and got my first car. So I never got to know the feeling of being a high school student and driving to school.

5. What kind of car do you have now? 2005 Dodge Grand Caravan (Ranae has one of these too, I didn't even have to change the answer!).

6. It's Friday night...where are you (then)? Football Game or a basketball game.

7. It's Friday night...where are you (now)? It's very top secret, and if I tell you I'd have to kill you. The very fact that I'm telling you this much means I could already have been compromised.

8. What kind of job did you have in high school? I worked at Meijers, as a grocery bagger. It isn't as glam as it sounds.

9. What kind of job do you do now? Part time caregiver, full time student.

10. Were you a party animal? Just being me is a party in and of itself, so I do not need to go places to 'party'. When I want to 'party', I just am.

11. Were you considered a flirt? I was probably considered a quiet kid. I think I tried to flirt, but I was so goofy that it came off as being, well...goofy.

12. Were you in band, orchestra, or choir? Varsity band, percussion section. We finished undefeated.

13. Were you a nerd? Pleading the fifth.

14. Did you get suspended or expelled? No, but I did miss over the maximum amount of Black days (our school colors were Black and Gold, we did block scheduling...Bio II was on Black Days, Gym Aide was on Gold days...), and I was supposed to make it up at school, which I never did.

15. Can you sing the fight song? Kinda...it's the same melody as the MSU fight song, so I never went out of my way to learn it.

16. Who was/were your favorite teacher(s)? I liked Mr. Franklin...Econ...I didn't learn much, but I had lots of fun, and he'd always talk about the 'Dead Things'...and that was the year we broke our Cup drought.

17. Where did you sit during lunch? I have vague recollection of something like a 'table'....and there were several 'chairs' seated around these 'tables'. I think I sat in one of those.

18. What was your school's full name? Bullock Creek High School

19. When did you graduate? 1997

20. What was your school nickname and/or mascot? Lancers. Bullock Creek actually has a rich tradition of mounted knights carrying spears into battle.

21. If you could would you do it all over again? The only thing I would do again would be to get to know people better and be more open. The cliques and the drama? No thank you.

22. Did you have fun at Prom? Hmmm....let's look at the scoreboard. Proms While In High School 0, Proms After High School 2. So no.

23. Do you still talk to the person you went to Prom with? Every day.

24. Are you planning on going to your next reunion? No.

25. Before FB, did you still talk to or see your HS friends? A couple. It's been nice to find people to see how they're doing and stuff.

100 MEANINGLESS FACTOIDS LIST:
001. Real name → Jason Dean Parks
002. Nickname → Parks, Jay...I know, real original
003. Single or taken → I'm being held against my will. Just kidding ;) Very taken.
004. Zodiac sign → I think I'm a Taurus
005. Male or female → I contain genetic elements of both female and male.
006. Elementary →Floyd Elementary
008. Middle School → Bullock Creek Middle School
009. High School → Bullock Creek High School
010. Hair color → Dirty Dishwater Blonde, but in the past it's been black, brown, magenta, and bleached blond.
011. Long or short → It's getting long. Really this is a relative question though.
015. Are you health freak → Sometimes...moreso than I used to be.
016. Height → 6'0"
017. Do you have a crush on someone → I don't believe that violence is a good way to solve problems.
018. Do you like yourself → Are you kidding? I LOVE myself, and I think everyone else does too...
019. Piercings → No
020. Tattoos → I have a tattoo of a piercing. No, I'm kidding. I don't have any.
021. Righty or lefty → Righty

FIRSTS :
022. First surgery → None.
023. First piercing → Never.
024. First best friend → Bryan Kern. We met at a garage sale at our mutual neighbors when we were both 4. The rest is history.
025. First award → The first I remember is 8th grade most helpful boy.
026. First sport you joined → Baseball.
027. First pet → a dog named Toby.
028. First vacation → Hmmm...I don't know. My first out of state vacation was going out to Oregon in 2000 to see my old youth pastor and his wife.
029. First concert → Someone at Pine Knob, I don't remember. Dad, help me out?
030. First real crush: The two teenage girls in the movie 'Goonies', especially the girl named Andy.

CURRENTLY :
049. Eating → Nothing
050. Drinking → Water
052. I'm about to → Fly off the handle. Not really.
053. Listening to → The Veggie Tales Jonah movie.
054. Waiting for → The movie to be over.
057. Wearing → Sweat pants and a big grin.


YOUR FUTURE :
058. Want kids? → We have two, but we're done for now...open to adoption in the future.
059. Want to get married?→ I'm already married. Nice try though
060. Careers in mind? → I would love to be a career musician. I also want to work with at-risk families.

WHICH IS BETTER IN THE OPPOSITE SEX? :
068. Lips or eyes? → I've never dated a girl without either, so I'd have to say both.
069. Hugs o kisses? → Kisses
070. Shorter or taller → Shorter and taller.
072. Romantic or spontaneous → Spontaneously romantic.
073. Nice stomach or nice arms → I don't really care about the temperment of her stomach, but if her arms are mean, that could be very bad for me.
074. Sensitive or loud → Sensitive.
075. Hook-up or relationship → Relationship.
077. Trouble maker or not → Not- I get in enough trouble on my own.

HAVE YOU EVER?:
078. Kissed a stranger → No.
079. Drank bubbles → After a couple times of getting my mouth washed out with soap, I pretty much soured on that sort of thing.
080. Lost glasses/contacts → Yes
081. Ran away from home→ No, but I thought about it as a kid. The farthest I ever got was the edge of the field in our backyard.
082. Broken any bones → Yes, ankle.
084. Broken someone's heart → Probably not.
085. Been arrested → No. The law can't stop me, they only try to contain me.
086. Turned someone down → Yes, at a Bob Dylan concert, a guy asked us if we wanted drugs. We said no. I think he was really sad.
087. Cried when someone died → I haven't, actually, I'm usually too numb to cry.
088. Liked a friend →I like all my friends, otherwise they would be my enemies. Duh!

DO YOU BELIEVE IN :
089. Yourself → More than is healthy.
090. Miracles → Yes
091. Love at first sight → Not love, but like at first sight...absolutely!
092. Heaven → Yes
093. Santa clause → Why wouldn't I believe in Santa Claus?
094. Sex on the first date → No, that is ridiculous.
095. Kissing on the first date → No, I like to take things slow.
096. angels → Yes

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY :
097. Is there one or more people you want to be with right now? Yes. My wife and two children. I'm with my two children right now, so that's awesome. I'd also like to be with my boys in Baby Cannon, rocking out like madmen.
098. Do you like orange juice? Yes, no pulp. I'm not sure why this question is in the 'Answer Truthfully' section...is it such a secret thing how I feel about OJ?
099. Had more than one boyfriend/girlfriend at one time? I've had a hard enough time getting A girlfriend at any given time...so more than one has never been an option.
100. Do you believe in God? Yes,very much so.

25 RANDOM THINGS LIST:
1) I suck as a human being, but I believe that Jesus loves me and covers up my faults so that I can stand blameless. This is awesome, and is the most compelling force in my life. I tend to try to see the world in black and white, since I adhere to the concept of truth in it's absolute form. This is increasingly difficult in our messy, relativistic world. I trust God to guide me in the situations I'm uncertain in.

2) Music is my passion. It wasn't, but then it became so when God reintroduced me to it in college (take 1). I then wanted to be in a rock band, and it didn't work out, and I was okay with that. Then God brought me into Baby Cannon, and it's everything I thought it would be and more. I play drums, can fudge guitar playing, and sing. Oh, and I write lyrics. My favorite lyrics I've ever written are in our song 'Tower of Babel'- 'Can't sleep, can't wake, it's taking all that I can take. Not to be so shaken, completely, as I unravel. Maybe in ignorance, I can plead innocence, but til then, I'm a tower of Babel'. If you too think it's awesome, let me know and I'll send you an autographed picture of myself.

3) I was in high school track for one year. I had two sprained ankles at the time, but I don't think it would have mattered. I was a sprinter for two races, finishing last and next to last before the coach decided to never have me run again. I was a high jumper that twice cleared 5'2", and once took out the standard. I sucked at track.

4) My wife and I ran a group home for over a year. Stories from that experience alone could cover over 25 random things...but I'd also be breaking confidentiality. So, I can't say or else I'll be killed.

5) I’m a dipper- I almost always am dipping one item of my meal into another, at least as long as there is dippability. The odd thing is that I don't use condiments. I don't put ketchup, mustard, relish, or any of those types of things on my food. I don't even put salad dressing on my salad...just lettuce for me.

6) Probably my proudest day as a musician was the time when my dad and I went to lay down a drum track for a guy in Coleman, and the guy ended up picking my track. To me, it was validating....not because I felt I was better than my dad, but because my dad really acknowledged my accomplishment. I spent most of my life running away from music because I didn't think I could ever live up to him, so it was a big deal. So am I better than my dad now? Well, it's like comparing apples and oranges. And no, I'm not.

7) With the birth of our 1st child, Delaney, I committed 2 big sins as a husband- one was telling Sara, immediately after the birth that I wanted to know what kid #2 would look like. I'm sure women who are reading this that have experienced childbirth are cringing at my insensitivity. It gets better though. See, we were in a group home when we were pregnant with Delaney. We had a couple rough days, and Wednesday was our day off. We were stoked. Sara was like a week overdue, but we figured that we were in the clear...until she started having contractions 5 minutes apart. Of course, me being the very sensitive, very caring, very loving husband that I am, managed to utter the immortal phrase 'If that kid comes today I'm gonna be pissed'. If mothers reading this cringed before, they probably grabbed the torches and pitchforks for this one. Fortunately, Sara didn't hear me. Or I'd be dead right now.

8) From this point on in this list, I took notes on I made most of this list by recording thoughts onto my cell-phone on the way to my in-laws. I did this because I really really really wanted to do this list. You should feel honored, and maybe a little disturbed.

9) I took a distance writing course to learn how to write children's books. I got about half way through and quit. I wrote a story about Christmas with my grandparents called 'Rudolph the Red-nosed Radio Tower', and I was in the process of developing a story about a superhero named 'Justice Acorn'.

10) I enjoy mispronouncing words on purpose- the English language has so many poorly designed words, and it's actually fun for me to try and find a way to mispronounce words. The only thing is that when you to try read entire works in this manner, it is very time consuming. Just FYI.

11) I am a particularly skilled writer of Thank you notes- For our wedding I wrote most of the Thank you notes, and Sara's grandmothers sister still talks about the one that I wrote to her- almost 3 years later! So, if you ever want to be 'properly' thanked, just let me know!

11a) By this point in the program, you've probably noticed that I write alot, and that other people could have probably fit 50 random things in the space I have used for 11. That is, well, just how I roll.

12) I'm actually a pretty open-minded person, or at least I'm working on it. My big thing is that it seems to me that in our society, 'open-minded' means that you just think everything is okay, and whatever floats boats can float boats. I don't buy that. If that makes me a closed minded bigot, then I'm okay with that.

13) I'm a big nerd. Sports, comics, Heroclix...I don't fall into any single nerd category, I'm kind of an eclectic nerd.

14) When I was a kid, I stepped on a snake's head with my bare foot and killed it. I'd like to tell you that it was a Black Mamba, but I'd be lying. Oh, also we then tried to dissect the snake using a scalpel that...wait a minute...where did we get that scalpel, and why did my parents let me have it? Hmmmm...this sounds like a good question for therapy...

15) I didn't start dating until I was a sophomore in high school, and I only had 3 girlfriends total before I met my amazing wife. Part of that is because I'm actually very shy when it comes to girls (well I was, now that I'm married I'm just me), part of that was because some girls just really weren't digging me. I married as a virgin, which I am very proud of, and I thank God that He kept me pure for my marriage. I also thank my parents for bringing me up right. This is the reason why I think that the best sex education happens in the home. This is one of my goals as a social worker, is to work with families in this area. I also want to do my part to prevent child-abuse.

16) I'm very selfish. There have been countless times where I'll be walking through a store, and I'll see someone I know, and just not feel like talking to them, and so I'll avoid them. I'm actually getting better about this, but I'm still selfish. I told you I sucked as a human being.

17) I hold two national records in High School Basketball...well, actually I tied two records. I tied the record for highest Field Goal % in a game, 100%, which I did 3 times. The fact that I did not have enough attempts to officially qualify is a moot point. I also tied the record for the lowest Field Goal % in a game, with 0%. I scored 52 points...my entire senior year. So next time you hear of a basketball player scoring over 50 points in a game...that's my scoring output for a season. That should tell you how good of a player I was. It's actually funny, in my senior yearbook, they had action shots of all the players. Everybody had the basketball in some form...EXCEPT FOR ME. Even a guy who was academically ineligble for the season got a picture taking jumpshots in warm-ups. Me? I'm going to set a pick. And I wasn't even that good at setting picks.

18) I've had many different types of jobs, which has prepared me for many things. I've been a grocery bagger, a gas station attendant, a youth group leader, a Christian bookstore clerk, a fence installer, a group home program manager, a caregiver, a summer program staff...

19) I really like learning about human behavior theories. My favorite is the symbolic interactionist perspective, which basically states that people attach their own meanings to their experiences. I'm also a behaviorist at heart.

20) I'm going to be 30 this year. Most people don’t believe it. I think it's because I look really young, although someone may bring up the fact that I don't act my age either. I will find that person and bury them alive. I'm just sayin...

21) I feel that I have an abnormally short attention span, and was misdiagnosed as 'normal' when I was a child. Really, I feel it's a miracle that I've made it this far. And if you are still reading my list at this point, another miracle has taken place.

22) I'm easily scared. The dark frightens me, and don't even think about trying to get me to watch a scary movie. I had trouble sleeping for almost a week after watching 'I Am Legend'.

23) I didn’t get close to anyone in high school, and didn't really regret it until my younger brother graduated. I actually wrote a song about it. I feel that God has given me a second chance in the Social Work program, and I want to take advantage. The fact that they are all girls helps a little bit (JUST KIDDING SARA AND SOCIAL WORK LADIES).

24) I like doing new things and being crazy, but I'm also a creature of habit. I am a walking contradiction. I like to stand out and fit in. I'll say socially questionable things at inappropriate times, but I'll also sit and be quiet. I have tried crazy foods like escargo (wrong spelling?), but I always order the same types of things at restaurants. Yesterday I tried to leap over a snow bank after crossing Washington...most of the time I just focus on walking to my destination.

25) My favorite Facebook thing to do is check people statuses, and comment on them. I try to be funny and witty, but sometimes I try to be serious. So if I write something and it isn't funny, I was probably trying to be serious. When someone becomes my Facebook Friend, the first thing I look for on their profile is their religious beliefs. My beliefs are very important to me, and I like to know what other people think about such things.

26) 25 things? That's it? You want to put me in a box, fine. Put me in a box. Just know that it can't hold me...unless it's a really big box. Or if it has iron bars and a lock.

27) I am to your mom jokes as Kurt Cobain was to drugs- I am absolutely addicted to 'your mom' jokes, and break them out in pretty much any situation. I am sensitive, though, to people that I know have lost their mother or else had a bad relationship with their mother (i.e., she was abusive/neglectful). This whole thing actually started with my sister...we thought it would be funny to say 'your mom' to each other, because we of course have the same mom...and it just kinda took off from there!