The Farce is with you

Okay, okay...I must apologize in advance. It's been far too long. Not that I haven't had thoughts- thoughts have been coming in waves lately, but unfortunately, time has not. Our lives are as busy now as they ever have been. And I want to sort them out, to share them with you all, and hopefully implant some seeds of thought that help us all make better people. But until then, I am going to be rehashing old Facebook notes. Yes, I do Facebook notes. I'm a loser. If you didn't know that by now, you haven't been paying attention.

I could take the time that I use to do Facebook notes and do blog posts I suppose...but even though they might take equal amounts of time, they definitely don't take equal amounts of thought. I've never been big on posting short, meaningless blurbs for the sake of posting them. Some might argue that some of my posts have been meaningless, but they have been long. I put thought into these people! Facebook notes require very little thought. Ergo, I can do them and exert less effort. My energy is limited. I'm running on fumes (I think).

These Facebook notes are a little different though. They're about a guy you should all know well, unless you have completely cut yourselves off from pop culture...Darth Vader. Backstory- a few years ago, they came out with those Darth Vader helmets for Star Wars III. I bought one, because I am a nerd. So I thought it would be funny to take pictures wearing the helmet doing normal, everyday things. It kind of led to this alter-persona for Darth...kicking back with the name 'Dan'.

So these notes are from this perspective. By the way, I am constantly thinking of new picture ideas. Feel free to send me some- if it isn't illegal or immoral, there is a pretty good chance that I'll try it!

Who:
-Who are you? Darth Vader, although I like to be called Dan as well.
-Who are your parents? Shmi and the Force
-Who do you admire? It used to be Obi-Wan but then he tried to kill me. So I'd have to say Emperor Palpatine.
-Who do you hate? Obi-Wan. And the whole rebellion. I mean, seriously. What do you guys think you're going to accomplish?
-Who taught you how to ride a pod-racer? Sebulba.
-Who taught you how to read? What is this...reading?
-Who was the last person you called on the phone? I had to call All-tel about a problem with my service.
-Who would you switch lives with, given the choice? Probably Chewbacca. I mean, just to be able to run around all hairy and naked all the time...that would be so great.
-Who makes you smile the most? I never smile.
-Who makes you cry the most? Probably Padame' or my mom. But I don't cry anymore.
-Who do you want to talk to right now? I'd like to talk to old man Kenobi and give him the what-for.
-Who would you take a bullet for?- I'm legally obligated to say Emperor Palpatine. And also Luke. Well, I don't know if I'd take a bullet for him. Maybe some Force Lightning though.
-Who would take a bullet for you? Several storm troopers, although I'm pretty adept at deflecting bullets with my sweet light sabre.

What:
-What color is your room? I think it's red, but I'm not really sure.
-What movie could you watch over and over? I actually really enjoyed 'Walk to Remember' and most of the Police Academy movies.
-What do you smell like? Evil. And Frosted Mini-wheats. Don't ask.
-What are you wearing today? My helmet/mask combo, a cape, and a black costume...basically the same thing I always wear.
-What will you be doing at this time tomorrow? Tomorrow is my day off, but I'll probably be called in to put down a rebel insurrection. Otherwise I'll probably go to the mall or whatevs.
-What are you going to do with your life? Well, this whole second-hand-man-to-the-most-powerful-being-in-the-galaxy thing is working out pretty well. But I'd also like to give telemarketing a shot.
-What animal would you be, given the choice? Probably a Rankor. Those things are B.A.
-What positive things do others see in you? Most likely my skills with a light sabre, and the fact that I can talk and breathe at the same time.
-What do you look for most in the opposite sex? She has to be older than me, a member of the Senate...preferrably she served as Queen of a planet. Long brown hair. It'd be nice if her name rhymed with Adam-A.
-What makes you happy? ?????
-What brings you tears? Actually if I cry, it shorts out the helmet...it's kind of a big pain. So I don't cry.
-What song do you have stuck in your head? 'Everybody wants to rule the world' by Tears for Fears. It's kind of my theme song right now.
-What do you normally dream about? People close to me dying horribly tragic deaths.
-What do you believe in? The dark side. I also believe that there will be another Star Wars trilogy.
-What are you most afraid of? I'm afraid of my fear leading to anger, followed by that leading to hate, and then in turn my hate leading to suffering. Right now I'm kind of stuck on hate. I've been stuck on hate for about 3 movies or so.
-What do you see if you look to your left? Just between us, I can't really turn my head, and my peripheral vision pretty much sucks. So nothing.
-What is one decision you’ve made that you don’t regret for a second? When I put that one guy who was mouthing off about the Force in a Force choke hold. I wish the Admiral would have let me finish him off.

Where:
-Where do you live? The Death Star.
-Where were you born? Tatooine.
-Where do/did you go to school? The Jedi Academy.
-Where do you feel the most safe? With my light sabre. And a battallion of storm troopers.
-Where do you go most often to shop? American Eagle or the Gap.
-Where would you be right now, given the choice of anywhere in the world? Whatever that fluorescent flower world was in Episode III.
-Where does “everyone know your name”? A small bar in Boston...well, actually, pretty much everywhere. I mean, if you haven't heard of Darth Vader, where have you been?
-Where do you see yourself in 15 years? Probably reconcilled to humanity and hanging out with Obi-Wan and Yoda on the other side of the Force.
-Where are you going when you die? See above.
-Where are you afraid to go alone? Any planet that is primarily made up of liquid hot magma.
-Where does the does the sun always shine? I don't know, but Tatooine has 2 suns. That's pretty sweet.

Why:
-Why were you put on this earth? Originally to bring balance to the force. Whatever that means. -Why are you living where you are? Because Emperor Palpatine rigged up this sweet bio-computer and saved my life. Someday I'd like to find a way to prevent death. But I'm not sure that's going to happen. I'm pretty sure I was hoodwinked.
-Why is the sky blue? Not all skies are blue. This line of questioning is narrow minded and discriminatory.
-Why are you taking this survey? Because there are just some questions that need answering.

When:
-When in the day do you start school/work? I'm just pretty much always at work...sometimes they put me on call.
-When were you born? Sometime before Episode I.
-When did you last shower? Um, I'm pretty sure I've never showered.
-When was the last time you sang? I sang along with American Idol last night. I mean, come on. It was Michael Jackson week.
-When was the last time you danced? See above.
-When did you last see the person you love the most? Episode III.
-When do you want to get married? I'm still technically married I guess.

How:-How tall are you? When Obi-Wan cut my legs off, I was probably about 4'3" or so. Now I stand a good 6'3"
-How are you feeling today? Somewhere between angry and hateful...but not suffering yet. Dang it!-How many siblings do you have? None.
-How many pets do you have? None.
-How long is your hair? My scalp was basically seared to the point where I can no longer grow hair.
-How much older are you compared to your friends? Hmmmm...'friends'...interesting.
-How do you release stress? Blowing up star systems in the Death Star. Or I sometimes like to kick back and play Mario Party.
-How well do you understand Spanish? I have a droid for that.
-How many people can you truly count on in your life? Myself. And my storm troopers. Say what you will about clones, but having an army who blindly follow your every whim is pretty much awesome!

And this is a note about the love in Mr. Vader's life

♥ What are your middle names? A long, long time ago they didn't give us middle names. So thanks George.
♥ How long did you know each other before you started dating? About 10 years...although I knew I loved her when I was 8.
♥ Who asked who out? I sorta 'persuaded' her using the Jedi mind trick.
♥ Who' s siblings do you see the most? I was sort of immaculately conceived...just thought I'd throw that out there.
♥ Do you have any children together? Two, Luke and Leia. I'm sorta pissed that she didn't tell me about them and actually hid them from me for most of their lives.
♥ Did you go to the same school? No, I went to Jedi Academy...I'm not really sure where she went to school. She was a queen at a pretty young age. So probably Royalty U or something like that.
♥ Who is the most sensitive? I get angry really easily...which is probably why I turned to the dark side.
♥ Where do you eat out most as a couple? Have you looked at my face? I can't exactly eat with this mask on. And I get really upset watching her eat. I mean, all I want is to be able to have a freakin' cheeseburger!
♥ Where is the furthest you two have traveled together as a couple? I'd say Geonosis, when we got captured and almost died.
♥ Who has the craziest exes? We were each others first loves...except she loved government. So I'd say her.
♥ Who cooks more? Hrmmmm...don't go there.
♥ Who is more social? You might be surprised, but people are generally intimidated by me. So I don't get out much.
♥ Who is the neat freak? Probably me. She grew up in a palace, and had everyone do everything for her. I grew up on Tatoooine, which is like the Dust Bowl. Never again, I swore as we flew off while Qui-gon Jinn fought Darth Maul.
♥ Who is the most stubborn? When you are able to control people's minds with the Force, you tend to get pretty stubborn.
♥ Who hogs the bed? It's hard NOT to hog the bed when you live inside of a bio-computer.
♥ Who wakes up earlier? I never sleep. I tried to once, but it was awfully uncomfortable, and besides my helmet came off and I almost died.
♥ Where was your first date? I say it was when we frolicked in the field, but she says it's when we fought in the Clone wars.
♥ Who has the bigger family? Well, when I was a Jedi it was definitely me. But there are lots less Sith, so I'd say her.
♥ Do you get flowers often? Not since she lost the will to live and died because of my insensitivity. Plus, I don't really like flowers.
♥ How long did it take to get serious? About 2 movies or so.
♥ Who eats more? ALRIGHT, THAT'S IT!!! ONE MORE EATING QUESTION AND SOMEBODY IS GOING TO GET SLICED IN HALF BY MY LIGHT SABRE!!!
♥ Who sings better? I have a nice bass voice, but she sings very well too.
♥ Who does the laundry? Definitely her. I always wear the same thing.
♥ Who’s better with the computer? Are you kidding? I'm half computer.
♥ Who drives when you are together? We both have chauffers.
♥ Who picks where you go to dinner? (light sabre sound)...somebody just got it. Hope you're happy.
♥ Who is the first one to admit when they’re wrong? I'm. Never. Wrong.
♥ Who wears the pants in the relationship? I'm not really sure what you'd call what she wears. I definitely wear something that looks like pants, so I'd say me.
♥ Who has more tattoos? Unfortunately, I was almost burned to death before I was able to really get into tattoos. Although, when I was a paduan, I had a really cool pony tail.
♥ Who cries more? After my mom was killed by sand people, I stopped crying.