Eulogy

Most of you probably don't know this, because you were too busy living your lives...there was a terrible tragedy in the NFL this past Sunday. I have it on good authority that Ryan Grant of the Green Bay Packers was killed during his game with the Philadelphia Eagles. On a seemingly innocent run up the middle, Grant was tackled and instantly disintegrated at the exact second that he spontaneously combusted which also happened during an attack by Alien snipers on him as he swallowed a cyanide capsule while he was being struck by lightning. Also, he was suffering from Ebola and whatever that disease on 'Outbreak' was. The end.

Wait, what's that? My source was wrong? He only suffered a season ending ankle injury? So he's not dead?

"Bring out yer dead"

I'm not dead- look, I'm limping, I'm just limping! It's the North Michigan Snow Flurries that are dead!

Well don't tell my fantasy team that- because as far as they are concerned, Grant is in the after-life. Not heaven, nor hell...not even purgatory. No, something far, far more sinister in the realm of fantasy football: Injured Reserve.

When I saw that red IR next to his name on the 'My Team' tab, I knew that the North Michigan Snow Flurries were going to be devastated, and so I had to think fast. I couldn't just tell them that he suffered an injury- after all, my team psyche is fragile right now. Last season, we suffered from a serious case of snake bite. My team believes that they are cursed. We lost three running backs (two of which are on my team this year) and two tight ends to season-ending injury last year- the last thing I need to tell them is that our top draft pick couldn't even make it through the first half of the first game.

Team morale is at an all-time low, so I couldn't just walk in to our Monday morning meeting and tell them what really happened- so I came up with a story. The truth won't really matter to them- whether Grant is dead or on injured reserve, the outcome is still the same- my Three Amigos (as I am going to start calling my running backs in order to lift their spirits) will have to split time in the backfield, and I'm counting on my wide receivers to pick up some slack as well. Sometimes you have to slant the truth slightly for the greater good. You may vilify me now, but I believe that history will redeem me. Of course, it's possible that history will vilify me.

I think it's too early to write off the season- I mean, I only lost by 27 on opening night, and if I would have made different roster moves, I could have lost by much less. I recall that last seasons Snow Flurries opened 0-2 before rallying to finish 6-7 with a glorious flame-out in the first round of the playoffs. There is still a lot of football to be played! (or, in the case of Ryan Grant, a lot of Mai Tai's to be sipped while sitting by the side of a pool doing "rehab")

So we play on. We brave (and purposely mislead) few play on, in memory of our fallen comrade. The Snow Flurries are dead- long live the Snow Flurries!

It turns out your fantasy season is only MOSTLY dead. With mostly dead- it's slightly alive. With all dead...well, there's only one thing you can do with all dead- make a bunch of lopsided trades to your closest friends.