Jason Parks sat on a fence, Jason Parks had a great fall...

I'm going to try and break down what I feel like God is doing in me at this current place of time.

I guess a brief synopsis would say something about 'where the subjective meets the objective', or 'removing the head from the equation', or 'seek and destroy'. It's been quite a week, let me tell you!

I guess it's been something that has probably been birthing for a while, but pieces really started to come together earlier this week. I posted on a thread on Facebook, 'Proof that God exists'- this really intellectual thread, with each side trying to provide logic or reason or empirical or scientific evidence for the existence/non-existence of God. So I was like 'I just don't think that God is going to be 'solved' or 'proven' either way with an intellectual argument, because there is lots of logical arguments for AND against God. We won't find evidence either way, because God is a matter of faith. The best argument for God is the personal experiences of those who have encountered the mysteriousness that is the supernatural'.

Okay, hold your applause/tomatoes. I'm not finished. One of the guys pro-God was like, 'personal experience is subjective'. And that's true, but it's not the whole picture. So I was like, 'If lots of people are experiencing the same feelings/experiences, or miracles, then what does that mean? What about homosexual denominations? From what we understand about the Bible, it condemns homosexuality, but yet there are denominations that are experiencing the same feelings/experiences as mainline ones.What does it all mean? Now, I am all about Christ as absolute Truth, it's my personal apologetics statement- if Christ is telling the Truth, then that seals the deal...but then that comes down to faith as well, because we can't 'prove' that the Bible is or isn't the word of God. Atheists (and others whom we dispute with) have a good point against us when we use the Bible as proof that the Bible is the Word of God- because you have to have the faith to take it as an authoritative document in the first place....What does this all mean? Well, for starters, we should pray. Because if we're doomed to be forever locked in this game of intellectual tug-of-war, then the only thing that will turn the tide in our favor is the intervening actions of an omnipresent God'.

This may be hard to believe, but I actually took content out of both of those posts. Anyhow, it was actually quite an illuminatory thing for me as I wrote that. I mean, I think I've known that stuff for a while, but to actually retreive it from the deep recesses of my mind, it was like 'Dude. Sweet!'. My biggest struggle in my walk with the Lord has been the reconciliation between the head and the heart, the so-called '18-inch journey'. It's like God is really trying to remove the 'head' aspect for me, because true faith lies in the heart and is not subject to the rationalizing of our minds.

The other cool thing was the (again) previously-withdrawn belief in the need for the power of God to manifest. A friend from downstate, 'Glen' (his name may or may not have been changed to protect his innocence and confidentiality) has been saying for years that Jesus is going to be showing up in grocery stores, on the streets, in power, ya know? We're well past the point of being able to convince people through our words of the merits of Jesus. It just isn't going to work, the world is too 'smart' for that. Intellectually, Jesus just isn't going to cut it. People have better things to do than 'church'.

By my count, there are 3,117 different religions out there (although I didn't actually count, I totally just made that number up), and many of them have similar aspects. If we want Jesus to stand out, then we need to be allowing Him to work through us in POWER. Because if we really believe in this God and what He says, then we have access to an amazing list of attributes- the ability to give sight to the blind, hearing to the deaf, walking to the crippled, LIFE to the DEAD...and supposedly demons will be afraid of us. And this is way cooler than 'church'.

Now, I thought I had this it all figured out, 'bam', on the right road. Then last night happened, we had a guest speaker from New Zealand through California. And he was basically speaking about the exact same stuff that I just said! You know, like God wants the 'kingdom to be released through us', and that revival will come 'from us'- because Christ is inside of us. And you know what happened? I completely dropped the ball. At the end of the service, he was like 'who wants revival'. People basically bumrushed the front of the church- I mean you could feel it in the atmosphere, the 'God electricity'. Of course, I didn't, for a couple reasons- 1) I'm not the type of guy to just do something because everyone else does. Now, I'm not trying to say that others did that. I'm just saying that at that time, I was aware that I was not feeling pulled to the front, so I didn't go to the front. But the OTHER reason was 2) I'm still struggling with this whole 'leave everything' concept. I mean, I'm getting closer than ever before, but I'm honestly still struggling inside with the thought of being completely abandoned to God- it's scary, ya know? And because of that, I probably allowed myself to stay back, because of a fear of what revival coming out of me would look like, what that would mean for me.

To keep this post short (too late, right?), I won't go through the entire sequence of events- just know that I did feel God, and then it stopped, and I am now trying to figure out what the hell is going on. A friend of mine had a quote on another friend's Facebook page (and I know they are both my friends, because they confirmed it by adding me as friends on Facebook) that 'if it didn't wreck you, you didn't encounter God'. And you know what? I'm pretty wrecked right now. So I must have encountered God. But now what?

Well, I'll tell you what. Matthew 7:7-8, Hebrews 11:1. Look them up, I've already taken up lots of cyberspace and time. I'm going to keep pressing in. I'm going to keep living outside the box. I'm going to keep fighting against my 'socialization' and the expectations placed upon me by 'society'. And I'm going to trust in this wrecking God that He is going to put Humpty Dumpty back together again.