Think of my first post was kind of like the prequel Star Wars trilogy that came out earlier this decade- it was definitely flashier, it had better special effects, but it is not nearly as cool or as nostalgic as the original and definitely left holes in the continuity of the story. Now I'm going to tell you the real story.
Here's what happened. Monday started out as a normal day. Well, sort of. I got up at 5 and went running with a friend. After this happened, and a trip to Babycakes, I went over to watch my grandmother-in-law. I checked my Facebook. WTFbomb? New Dann Vayder? Same spelling, same name on photo album- I didn't think much of it that he requested to be my friend...and my Dann Vayder's friend. So I accepted the requests. I wanted to see what it was all about.
I start checking out his profile. This impostor was claiming to be the true Dann Vayder! He is requesting all my friends, he has the same photo album name, spelled exactly the same- who does this guy think he is? Doesn't he know that I was already pretending to be the one and only Dann Vayder?
The more I thought about it, the more upset I got. Now, you might think that this is stupid- if you didn't think the idea of a Dann Vayder Facebook page was stupid in the first place, you are probably finding it stupid that a 30-year old man is getting upset about this. But if you can just appreciate the passion that I have for my adaptation of somebody else's creation- that is a good thing, right?
Besides, the other Dann was making verbal assaults on me! He threatened to kill me! Well, in a manner of speaking. At first I tried to play it off as a doppelganger, but I couldn't leave it there when he continually called me out. Not only that, but it was like he was abusing my creation- I made Dann Vayder to be an object of silliness. The thought of Darth Vader being a normal person, working his job like a 9-5 and then coming home and having other interests- that was funny to me. The new Dann Vayder was all like, pissed at everyone and everything. I felt like the kingdom that I had worked so hard to build was being torn down in ignorance.
So I enlisted the help of my friend Batt Moyd (name changed as best I could), who became bounty hunter Jango Fett. Together we labored most of Monday trying to fight an epic battle with this impostor Dann Vayder. Unbeknownst to me, another friend decided to don the alias of Fredd Palpytine. I cannot tell you the rollercoaster of emotions that I went through on Monday! I spent most of the day upset because someone tried to steal my stolen shtick. Then I came home and spent most of the evening laughing my ass off because other people jumped on the bandwagon with me- unless you are a nerd, you really have no idea how exhilarating it is to have two friends maintain Star Wars character Facebook pages to suppliment yours. I wouldn't put it on par with Fatherhood...but it's closer than you'd think.
Monday night, around 11:00 p.m., Batt and I took a road trip to Wal-mart because Batt had a brilliant idea. See, around that time, we had done enough detective work to narrow down the suspects to a select one- our neighbor Man DcGlone (again, I am really running out of fake names). Batt thought it would be funny to buy a bunch of Jango Fett figures, then tell Man that I was going to send Jango after him and leave Jango Fett action figures on his porch. Some people might call that stalking. I prefer to think of it as 'communication'.
So we went to Wal-mart, and of course, they had no Jango Fett action figures at all. The closest thing we came across was a four pack of Star Wars bounty hunters- Boba Fett and three guys that I've never heard of and am pretty sure were made up just to be able to have a four pack of bounty hunters. So we bought that, and put the Boba Fett on his porch. Jango Fett told Dann Vayder that he was going to send his son after him. Our Facebook battle ended after midnight.
The next day was completely agonizing, because there was no word at all from the other Dann Vayder. None. Zero. Zilch. Can you imagine how frustrated I was? I mean, I spent most of my Monday stewing about this fraud, and waging war against his insolence, and then on Tuesday, he doesn't even show up? Arrrgghhh!
In addition, Tuesday was frustrating because we tried to create a Wikipedia page for Dann Vayder. We were going to use this as proof to the fake Dann Vayder that I was the true Dann Vayder, and that he needed to step down immediately and submit himself to the will of the Force. But alas, the Wikipedia page was soon deleted; apparently, Dann Vayder did not register as a 'notable person'. You know what? Nobody uses Wikipedia anyways, so there.
And now it's Thursday...Dann Vayder has resurfaced, but less loudly than before. What is he thinking? What is his plan? I fear we may never know. Sadly, this situation could have been prevented had the other Dann Vayder not been such a meany face. I mean, how many other variations of Vader are there? He could have been the actual Darth Vader...
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He could have been Chad Vader, supermarket day-shift manager....
Shoot, he could even have been Dark Helmet....
All I know is that this war has the potential to ravage galaxies, destroy families, and change the face of Facebook as we know it. Remember this day, historians. For there will come a time when you look back at this blog post as a marker for the day that your entire world was turned upside down- the day that Dann Vayder waged war against himself.
Pics:
Darth Vader- http://dosan.skku.ac.kr/~sjkim/icons/Hobby/Figure/DarthVader(Medicom)_03.jpg
Chad Vader- http://www.cinemovida.net/yahoo_site_admin/assets/images/chad_vader.7294805_std.jpg
Dark Helmet- http://msp108.photobucket.com/albums/n8/jmgooser33/Dark_Helmet.jpg
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