When you're as popular and awesome as I am, you tend to get a lot of people asking you about important things in your life. Probably the most important of those is- "Why aren't you on Twitter?".
No really, it's true.
For serious- guys, stop looking at me like that.
Guys?
Okay, okay- so I'm not talking about me- it's actually the life experience of an alternate dimension Jason Parks, where I (he?) am popular and awesome. But aside from having the same name, we have one other thing in common- neither one of us have Twitter.
So why doesn't he have Twitter, you may be asking yourself. I just need to know what he's thinking right now.
Well fear not, loyal followers- I'm going to tell you. Because I only live to serve you, my faithful audience (BTWs, shameless plug- almost 2 weeks straight of blogging nirvana from yours truly!).
I don't personally hold anything against Twitter (other than, perhaps, that I wasn't the first one to discover it and make it super cool). Lots of people use it, and it's definitely added a new dimension to Sports Center for me- now I can watch Stewart Scott talk about what athletes are tweeting. Tweeting!!!
However, there are a couple things that I don't like about Twitter that unfortunately outweigh my desire to have each and every person on the planet wired into my brain.
The first is that I simply cannot limit myself to 140 characters or less. Shoot, sometimes Facebook cuts me off on my statuses, and they have like a 500 character limit. I mean- if Twitter really wants to be the outlet for my immediate thoughts- then they can't just assume that I can relay my thoughts in less than 140 characters. Because that is just not going to happen- I watch USA.
The second is somewhat of an offshoot of the first (if it makes you feel better, you may refer to it as 1a when you are not in my presence). I hate bad grammar. I know I don't always have the best grammar, and I use commas like I am being paid under the table to endorse them- but I also go to painstaking lengths to make sure that I at least have decent grammar, somewhat okay spelling, and a semblance of punctuation.
If you've read any Twitter posts- it's like a train wreck in a tornado in a mine field. Abbreviations, misspellings, l337 speak- and don't get me started on their punctuation atrocity. It's a nightmare! That's why the gods of language got together all those years ago and made The Six Rules of Language and put it on the Rosetta Stone.
To those that twiddle or whatever, I say 'whatever floats your boat'. There are people that use it, enjoy it, and get information from it. So it serves a social function, and I will not vote it off the island. I will just not use it. This blog is my own personal Twitter, and I shall tweet from it to my hearts content.
(This blog post has been brought to you by, Commas. Commas- Separating thoughts to secure peace of mind since the 3rd century B.C.)
2 comments:
If I may...
Twitter, like most things, is a tool that can be used in many ways. It is truly defined by you and those people you follow. A lot of people use it for advertising now, which is sad. There are lots of spambots; also sad. Some people use it to keep their followers (family and friends, no doubt) abreast of what they're doing. An easy way to tell lots of people the same thing all at once.
One of the coolest things I've seen it used for is, "Help. I'm trapped in the rubble here in Haiti!"
I discovered Twitter through a humor blog that I enjoy. The blogger had described it as a kind of open mic night at the comedy club, but only one-liners were allowed. That's basically what I and the people I follow use it for; making each other laugh. For a while, there was a cool site that collected the most-starred tweets, but using a system where it only counted the funny ones and not those expounding on how great Beiber is. That site went away for various reasons and has been replaced with a similar site.
In short, Twitter is what you make it. It's very easy to unfollow someone if you don't like their stream.
No you may not...not if you're going to make me look bad (runs away, crying and screaming THIS IS MY BLOG, DOGGONE IT!!!).
I do admit that I enjoy the ramifications that Twitter has had on the world of professional sports.
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