I went to Cedar Point last week. Yeah, that's right. I said it. I don't feel bad.
Of course, this wasn't your average, everyday trip to Cedar Point. When you are me, you don't take time to plan out a luxurious trip with plenty of time on both sides to get ready and enough time to enjoy the whole of the Cedar Point experience. You fly by the seat of your pants and tag along with your folks at the last minute. Because let's face it- that's just how I roll. The flip side of that spontaneity is that it takes a week to recover. It's exactly a week to the day since we were walking the hallowed pavement of Cedar Point- and I'm just now starting to feel myself again. Lucky you guys- there's a weeks worth of Jason Parks buildup that I plan to spray all over your faces!
In the interests of gloating/creating a virtual memoir of an amazing trip, I am now going to blog my trip.
June 20th
-The trip starts off with me, at my folks house, stirring in bed, thinking (perhaps hoping) that it is well past 10:00 a.m. So I roll over, grab my phone, allow my eyes to adjust, check the time...8:24. Wow. So it's going to be one of those days.
-After some time in the pool, we get ready and hop on the road. My serious control issues with driving rear their head again. Not while my dad is driving- he drove enough during my formative years to permanently give him a free pass as a driver. No, it was the other two drivers that had to incur my wrath- Mom and Josh. My mom has been driving for longer than I've been alive. And while my brother hasn't, he's also logged some time behind the wheel. But nonetheless, it didn't stop me from sitting in the back seat white-knuckling for virtually the whole time. Sorry guys!
-Not that my mom and brother were flawless behind the wheel. My mom almost got forced off the road a couple times by semis trying to change lanes. Maybe it isn't just Nebraska, Mom...
-And my brother almost took us off the road while playing the letter search game. I know 'J' is hard to find, bro. But I would like to live to find 'K'. And 'L'. And whatever letters come after that.
-When we finally arrived safe and sound in Sandusky (Thanks be to God, no thanks be to the crazy drivers that live in my family), we had to wait around for like an hour while my sister got off of work. And since Delaney and I were trying to surprise her, that basically means we had to hide in the lobby for about an hour- since she was going to be getting off of work 'any minute'. Well, news flash folks- I'm a large man. It's difficult for me to find spaces to hide. And when I do find a space, chances are I have had to contort myself very uncomfortably to get there. And if I am uncomfortable- then the world is uncomfortable.
-But hey- this happened. So that made all the waiting and hiding and contorting and cursing worthwhile.
-After we (finally- JEEZ) picked up Jenny, we went to this place called 'Mona Pizza'.
Smoking hot, right? And she's not bad looking either. ZING!All I need to tell you about this place is that they have a pizza that incorporates mashed potatoes, cheese, and bacon. Yeah.
-I think I might like to live in Sandusky. In addition to the amusement park and my new favorite pizza place, they have an Olive Garden, a Toys 'R Us, and this one Cleaning Complex that had a dry cleaners, a pet wash, a car wash, and a laundry man- all in one. Woah! If cleanliness is next to Godliness, then Sandusky is a stone's throw away from Heaven.
-Of course, all good things must end. Come to find out, we were staying in a 1 star hotel. At least, that's what Random Dude In The Hallway said. I don't know how all they figure out hotel ratings. All I know is that there was no fridge, no nuker, no elevator, crappy AC, and Cleveland sports on the TV. Come to think of it, I'd be surprised if it even got 1 star.
Side tangent: The name of the place was America's Best Value Inn. That should have been the tip off right there. In my experience, if a hotel has words like 'Economy', 'Budget', 'Value'- then those are just buzz words for 'Cheap' and 'Donuts For Breakfast'. And when you combine those terms with the word 'Inn'...well, let's just say that when Mary and Joseph were looking for a place to stay, the place they went to immediately after the inn turned them away was an animal stable. Sure, maybe I didn't have to shack up with a horse. But I did have to share a bed with my brother. Is that any better? It's like Jane Goodall having to share a bed with one of her gorilla friends. But without so much hair.
June 21st
-Delaney. Thanks a lot for getting us all up at FREAKING 6 IN THE MORNING!!! And then falling back asleep after we were all too awake to do the same.
Precious moment? No. Not really.
-I think I might like to live in Sandusky. In addition to the amusement park and my new favorite pizza place, they have an Olive Garden, a Toys 'R Us, and this one Cleaning Complex that had a dry cleaners, a pet wash, a car wash, and a laundry man- all in one. Woah! If cleanliness is next to Godliness, then Sandusky is a stone's throw away from Heaven.
-Of course, all good things must end. Come to find out, we were staying in a 1 star hotel. At least, that's what Random Dude In The Hallway said. I don't know how all they figure out hotel ratings. All I know is that there was no fridge, no nuker, no elevator, crappy AC, and Cleveland sports on the TV. Come to think of it, I'd be surprised if it even got 1 star.
Side tangent: The name of the place was America's Best Value Inn. That should have been the tip off right there. In my experience, if a hotel has words like 'Economy', 'Budget', 'Value'- then those are just buzz words for 'Cheap' and 'Donuts For Breakfast'. And when you combine those terms with the word 'Inn'...well, let's just say that when Mary and Joseph were looking for a place to stay, the place they went to immediately after the inn turned them away was an animal stable. Sure, maybe I didn't have to shack up with a horse. But I did have to share a bed with my brother. Is that any better? It's like Jane Goodall having to share a bed with one of her gorilla friends. But without so much hair.
June 21st
-Delaney. Thanks a lot for getting us all up at FREAKING 6 IN THE MORNING!!! And then falling back asleep after we were all too awake to do the same.
Precious moment? No. Not really.-The actual day itself was pretty much a blur. Lots of walking around. Lots of rides. Well, not for me. I was too portly to go on the Wicked Twister and the Woodstock Express (which, to be fair, is a children's ride), so I was pretty much defeated at that point. Besides, for me it was more about allowing my daughter to experience Cedar Point for the first time. That, my friends, was a success.
Delaney's first ride was a Merry-go-round, which is a lot like when I went to Canada for the first time and wanted to eat at Taco Bell. But she did well, and went on lots of really cool rides- some of which you can't even find at fairgrounds! One thing I noticed- kids are fearless. Roller coaster? No problem. Power Tower? She probably would have if they (and I) would have let her. I remember being similar when I first went to Cedar Point in 4th grade (probably a little more afraid than she was). I know there's a scientific/psychological reason for this. But I'm not going to talk about that now. I'm just going to tell you my daughter has tiger blood and Adonis DNA and leave it at that.
-Your name is Marcus Bulgaria? (Inside joke)
-It's pretty wild to see that many people intersecting in one place- thousands of stories from across the world, meeting here to enjoy a day of fun and death-defying. And yet, we're not really intersecting. We're all just there to do our thing. Sure, we might see people multiple times in the park (why is it that some people stand out more to us than other people in that setting?) but really, they are just background filler.
-It must suck to be an employee working on the rides. Because obviously what they do is remove your heart and replace it with a battery. Seriously, those people are like robots. All of us paying customers are having the time of our lives and the employees are rocking hard-core poker faces. I know, I know- lots of repetition+tedious jobs+bitterness=hard-core poker face. But still- I think they really turn them into robots. Just be careful Jenny when they ask you to go "downstairs", don't go down the dark, dimly lit tunnel lined with the pipes. Run away.
- Famous Daves. Wonderful, WONDERFUL food.
And a random piece of toast
Delaney's first ride was a Merry-go-round, which is a lot like when I went to Canada for the first time and wanted to eat at Taco Bell. But she did well, and went on lots of really cool rides- some of which you can't even find at fairgrounds! One thing I noticed- kids are fearless. Roller coaster? No problem. Power Tower? She probably would have if they (and I) would have let her. I remember being similar when I first went to Cedar Point in 4th grade (probably a little more afraid than she was). I know there's a scientific/psychological reason for this. But I'm not going to talk about that now. I'm just going to tell you my daughter has tiger blood and Adonis DNA and leave it at that.-Your name is Marcus Bulgaria? (Inside joke)
-It's pretty wild to see that many people intersecting in one place- thousands of stories from across the world, meeting here to enjoy a day of fun and death-defying. And yet, we're not really intersecting. We're all just there to do our thing. Sure, we might see people multiple times in the park (why is it that some people stand out more to us than other people in that setting?) but really, they are just background filler.
-It must suck to be an employee working on the rides. Because obviously what they do is remove your heart and replace it with a battery. Seriously, those people are like robots. All of us paying customers are having the time of our lives and the employees are rocking hard-core poker faces. I know, I know- lots of repetition+tedious jobs+bitterness=hard-core poker face. But still- I think they really turn them into robots. Just be careful Jenny when they ask you to go "downstairs", don't go down the dark, dimly lit tunnel lined with the pipes. Run away.
- Famous Daves. Wonderful, WONDERFUL food.
And a random piece of toastBeef brisket. Ribs. Chicken. Corn on the cob. Baked beans. Cornbread muffins. WOW. Delicious. I see now why Dave is Famous. I wasn't so sure at first. I mean, I had never heard of him. How famous could he be? But then I thought about it, and realized that maybe he's just a kindred spirit- a fellow narcissist who hit it big. So I decided to give him the benefit of the doubt. And boy oh boy, am I glad I did!
My brother is totally checking Lucy out.
My brother is totally checking Lucy out.June 22nd
-The trip comes to an end. We go home with 0 casualties and tons o' fun. If I had to do it over again? I would. But I would go down a couple days earlier and stay a day or two longer.
The coolest part of the trip? Seeing how the relationship between my two kids has developed. Whenever we would call down to talk to Mommy, Delaney was like 'Um, yeah, sure, whatever, let me talk to Shane'. And then her and Shane would just talk and talk and talk. Same thing when I was talking to Shane on the phone. "Hi daddy, I wanna talk to Delaney". Hey thanks Shane. Love you too.
But really, this trip is not about Cedar Point. This trip was a validation of how awesome my family is- both the family I am a son to and the family I am the man of. Obviously I am the common denominator, and so it's most likely my residual awesomeness that has contaminated everyone else. But still- they're awesome! We're awesome! I AM AWESOME!!!
-The trip comes to an end. We go home with 0 casualties and tons o' fun. If I had to do it over again? I would. But I would go down a couple days earlier and stay a day or two longer.
The coolest part of the trip? Seeing how the relationship between my two kids has developed. Whenever we would call down to talk to Mommy, Delaney was like 'Um, yeah, sure, whatever, let me talk to Shane'. And then her and Shane would just talk and talk and talk. Same thing when I was talking to Shane on the phone. "Hi daddy, I wanna talk to Delaney". Hey thanks Shane. Love you too.
But really, this trip is not about Cedar Point. This trip was a validation of how awesome my family is- both the family I am a son to and the family I am the man of. Obviously I am the common denominator, and so it's most likely my residual awesomeness that has contaminated everyone else. But still- they're awesome! We're awesome! I AM AWESOME!!!
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