A time to join, a time to step away

Yes, the rumors are true. Wait, what's that? There's no rumors? Oh. Well then. That was awkward.

I guess I should just jump right in, then. Next month, I'll be stepping down from the worship team. (waits to finish until the probe droids return with care-o-meter readings)
Nobody cares. Okay, we're clear to proceed!

In the grand scheme of things, this is not all that relevant. The only reason I'm devoting a blog post to it is because not all that long ago, I wrote must-read prose about musical excellence in worship, and the lack of exclusivity between those two ideas.

Funny enough, it was soon after that where I realized that I wasn't living up to my end of the bargain. Sure, I played well enough. My technique was decent, and I was focusing on the Lord. But I realized that I wasn't really pursuing excellence. I never practiced outside of our worship band practices. I just came, put on my "I've played drums for like ten years, so I'll rest on those laurels", and went to town. And it seemed to be going fine. Felt good. Had fun. Lots of positive feedback.

A couple weeks ago, though, I just hit a wall. I played both services during the weekend and I might as well have been scraping gum off of chairs or uprooting dandelions. There was nothing. No connection. No feeling. And for a guy who tends to feed off of the emotional charge of the music, this was a big deal. It was like learning to walk while being blind at the same time.

I played a few more times after that, and it was the same thing. Playing music had become, for the first time in years, a chore. It wasn't coming easy. It was painful.

So I decided to quit the worship band.

Actually, it wasn't quite that simple. There were talks with Sara. Prayers. Contemplation. Maybe a ritualistic animal sacrifice or two. Actually, no animals were harmed in the making of this decision.

In the end, there were a few factors that played into my choice to step away from the (drum) throne.

1. A personal reason that I will not reveal. So don't ask.
2. The aforementioned inability (and really, lack of desire) to pursue my craft in a manner that I felt was befitting of a musician for the King of Heaven.
3. A new job that will have me working weekends.

Actually, that last reason happened after I had made the decision, and really just serves to give me a layman's justification for my action. Since making the decision solid and contacting the leader of the worship program at my church, I have felt at peace with my decision.

Will I miss it? I'm sure I will. I've played for over ten years, and have had lots of amazing experiences and great times. I've met wonderful people and shared much joy with them. In the end, I think that's the part I'll miss the most. The connection between fellow musicians, worshipers, and human beings. In the end though, the thought of missing something is not enough of a compelling reason for me to keep doing something that I feel I need to step away from.

Will I go back? I don't want to say never. I do enjoy playing drums, especially in the worship setting. But right now, I feel like my passions are different. My desires are changing. My focus, shifting. I'm walking into a new season of life, and as often is the case when there changes, there are things that stay on and things that fall off. Right now, music is not making the trip with me.

Pic- http://www.lofnz.com/care-bears/images/carebears-grumpys.jpeg