Moment of clarity, moment of truth

From now on, do yourself a favor- whenever I make any sort of definitive statement about my life, assume that it's going to change sometime in the near future.  Because over the past year or so I've been railing against my lot in life, and how I was woefully under-employed in my current position and how it was stupid that the only jobs I could find were ones that required a high school diploma when I was a Summa Cum Laude college graduate.

And now, a couple days after the latest interview and waiting to hear back on another potential job (eighth times a charm!), I find myself not knowing whether I really want to move on.

Without trying to paint myself into too much of a corner (lest I get the job offer and decide to take it), I'll say that there are at least a few reasons why I find myself waffling right before this quasi-huge moment that may not actually even come.  Probably some insecurity in there, I'll admit.  But perhaps one of the biggest reasons is that I've come to realize that I really love where I'm at right now.

I can't pinpoint exactly when it happened.  But I do know that last week I was going for a walk, contemplating applying for new digs and thinking about the idea of leaving it....and I started to cry.  Not just once- three times, this happened.  I'm not even joking.  Three times brah.  I realized, then and there, that I really, REALLY like what I do.

Plus (and you can call me Little Boy Blue because I'm about to toot my own horn here) I'm really freaking good at it.  I'm definitely the best male aide in the whole school.  This year has given me ample opportunity to step up my game- and let's just say you can consider my game Stepped Up.  We had some (difficult) new students start with very short notice, and a new aide hire quit with even shorter notice.  To say it was very challenging would have been a contender for the understatement of the century.

The thing was- I liked it.  I think it made me sort of retreat into this "survival" mode, quit kvetching about what lost opportunities were out there, roll up my sleeves and get in there to make it happen.  And make it happen we have.  Because as awesome as I am, I also happen to work with tremendous people who work just as hard along side of me.  I'm not just an asset being stockpiled for the slow days- I'm an integral part of a well-oiled machine.  And that's pretty freaking sweet.

To suavely point out the elephant in the room, I'm not so naive to think that having my kids going to school in the same building I'm working in plays a minor role.  I love working in the same place my children do.  Do I love seeing my kids randomly passing in the halls and being able to stop in their rooms on break and getting the chance to interact with their teachers in the lounge?  Pardon the French, but you bet your ass I do.  It may be the frosting on top of the Last Cake Standing- but it's frosting that you'd scale a donut mountain that was riding a skateboard for.

Oh, and also, you're Marge Simpson

While it may sound like a slam dunk to stay, it certainly isn't- we aren't exactly in a place where I can afford to be romantic with my occupational decisions.  Money isn't the only thing- but it's A thing, and unfortunately for us, right now it's a pretty important thing.  The new job would increase our income by about 200%, and more importantly it would be the same level of income in the summer months.   I've worked in schools the last couple of years, and have found out the hard way that money doesn't just grow on trees.

But you know what?  I realized that if the school would let me, I'd clean toilets over the summer to stay where I'm at.  

On second thought, 200% is a lotta dough...

The other thing is that I'm not merely making another hopscotch step on my resume, but rather trying to have the next step be THE step- the Rasheed Wallace to my Ted Mosby if you will.  One thing my interview for New Job made pretty apparent to me is that the Professional World is very, very scary.  Yet, it's what I spent over $30,000 to try and learn how to conquer, and as much as I may love what I'm doing now, eventually I'm either going to have to come to grips with the fact that I've failed to live up to my education or come up with some really, really good excuses for doing so.




If I was to leave, it would be perfect timing.  Next week, half of our classroom population will be moving over to a different building for the re-institution of a middle school Functional Skills program.  I'd have a week to help set up the classroom for the rest of the year.  Of course, all of this is assuming that New Job offers me a position- which, as I painfully found out this summer is never, ever a slam dunk.  All these thoughts are just me trying to be prepared for that second in time when the moment of clarity intersects with the moment of truth and I have a decision to make.

Right now, I'm not sure I'm ready.  Right now, I don't know if I'll ever be ready.

PICS-
Cake- http://shewalks.blogspot.com/2011/03/ugliest-hair-on-television.html
Toilet- https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgCjVnKW1BGcXxpAUvJldt-MoQLj5ouRlVieP6e3QREUIJ5yLjzcERCaBnbAiqXzmR_JextTxHor_E6QX_L93Dzt6MmN0347Z5CiAre9uPe6Fc0sf7GeLCX8gqC0pBkDd7Te2mf3UT0kqbC/s1600/dirty_toilet_001.jpg

How I met your clients

Have you ever watched 'How I Met Your Mother'?  If you haven't, then you should, because I watch it and it's the funniest show in the world.  I realize I'm only like six or seven years behind the bandwagon but hey- better late than never, right?

Anyways, this blog is not about that show, but it invokes a certain character from that show- namely, the show's main character, the "I" of "How I met your mother"- Ted Mosby.  Ted is the freaking man.  He's funny and charming and has a great job (that clearly lets him stay out until all hours of the night and engage in endless shenanigans with Doogie Howser) and is cute and...well, you get the picture.  If Ted Mosby was a real person, then he would always win People Magazine's Sexiest Man Alive who is not Jason Parks award (not to be confused with the Sexist Man Alive) and wannabes like Ryan Reynolds and George Clooney would end up stuck in a sidebar somewhere on the cover of Weekly Us.

Like that'll ever happen

So before I get swept away in some bizarre romantic fantasy involving me and a fictional dude, allow me to sort of explain how I plan to tie the character of Ted Mosby into my ongoing and thus far fruitless pursuit of a real-life social work job.  Because I'm totally going to do it, and you're totally going to be like, 'whoa'.

See, Keanu Reeves- he gets it

7 year spoiler alert- in the Pilot of HImym, Ted meets this really funny, charming, hot girl named Robin, and after a super first date, they're up in her apartment, dancing to really romantic music (did I mention it's like 1 in the morning) and Ted tells Robin that he loves her.  Apparently, this is a huge first date no-no, and so the romantic moment ends, Ted walks away- but not before dropping this totally inspirational nugget:
- "You know what? I'm done being single, I'm not good at it. Look, obviously you can't tell a woman you just met that you love her, but it sucks that you can't. I'll tell you something though, if a woman, not you, just some hypothetical woman, were to bear with me through all this, I think I'd make a damn good husband, because that's the stuff I'd be good at. Stuff like making her laugh and being a good father and walking her five hypothetical dogs. Being a good kisser.."

And I think that's when it hit me- I'm like the Ted Mosby of social work.  I'm the guy that would make some human service agency an amazing social worker who is super fun to work with, helps people, and is good at his job.  These past couple years of post-grad living have been like my employment bachelorhood- fun jobs, nothing long term- but now I'm ready for The One.  I'm ready for that commitment.  I'm ready to meet Your Mom.

Good one!

So basically this blog is going to be like an internet cover letter.  It'll cover all the stuff that a cover letter would probably cover, but without the rote formalities and big words that a normal cover letter would have- plus it has pictures.

PICTURES!!!

Before I begin- slight sidebar.  I think that there should be an eHarmony for jobs. Like someone figures out a scientific formula where you answer a bunch of questions and then an employer answers a bunch of questions and your composite scores get matched up based on compatibility.  I just think it'd make more sense than the whole application/resume/interview song and dance that we do, which is very antiquated- it's like going on a blind date, except you're competing with a bunch of other people like an episode of the Bachelor, but you only get one date (two, tops) before having to decide if you want to get married.  Maybe that's why there is such high turnover rate in some jobs and other people stay in places where they clearly aren't happy.

Maybe they have a top-notch benefits package...

Okay, so I'm going to get this started by listing the things that I'm...not.  I'm not going to be a polished professional right off the bat.  I've never been the best at jargon.  I definitely don't have lots of experience- my human service career has largely been filled with hands-on direct-care positions, which means that even though I've still developed a Bat-belt of social work abilities, I've been doing slightly different work in a different setting than my social work peers have been doing.

But let me tell you what I am- besides a good father and a good kisser.

'Sup.

First of all, I'm smart.  Not like, Mensa-smart or anything like that, but pretty darn smart.  I graduated from Northern Michigan University with a 3.97 that probably could have been a 4.0.  I did this while working and helping raise two young children.  I'm sure I'm not unique in this-but it's not a commonality either.  Actually, scratch that.  I accomplished something that has never ever been done before.  I guess I'm also like the Neil Armstrong of social work or something.  Whatevs.  Just another accolade at this point.

I'm able to look at things objectively and from multiple angles.  Life doesn't happen like some linear script- it's more like a lottery ball machine, with a myriad of events and people all jostling around and resulting in interesting things with the faux appearance of randomness.  So not only do I recognize that things aren't often what they seem- I actively seek out tributaries that might not seem to attach to the big river.  Because chances are, they might.

But I also know that I don't know everything- and often times I feel like I don't know anything. So I have the humility to learn from others- including my clients, who are really the experts in their life stories.  I'm not afraid to ask questions or to dig a little deeper.  If I have an area of weakness, I exploit it by trying to improve it.  In college, I took a Gay/Lesbian history class because I recognized that I had a prejudice in this area.  I went in with a (not as much as I thought I had) open mind and learned quite a bit.  I also made a great friend who happens to be a lesbian.  The moral of the story?  I'm awesome.

But this awesomeness didn't just happen like some sort of freak lab accident.  I have a life story of my own, with its own trials and tribulations.  I've been poor.  From the get-go, life has been tough.  Sara and I jumped into marriage as a couple of naive kids strung out on Peter Cetera songs and romantic comedies- which probably would have been fine if we hadn't got pregnant right away and then decided to move into a group home four months into our marriage.  Can you say "Cluster of Stressors"?

Even though life has been tough the last few years, and I feel like we've had to scratch and claw for everything, I also wouldn't trade it for anything (unless it was a few million dollars) because I believe that I've learned from it.  And while I know my story doesn't translate into a cure-all, I think it will help me to not only be more empathetic to my clients- but to also to be able to meet them where they're at (and treat them with dignity and respect).

Did I mention that I'm a husband and a father?  That means something.  Obviously it means that I am motivated to keep my job, since wives and children are expensive to upkeep.  But also, it means that I have a sense of commitment and the ability to work through difficult issues.  While I wouldn't often classify myself as a "selfless" person, I engage in varying degrees of personal sacrifice every day that I'm alive.  It's not always easy and I don't always do the best job- but at the end of the day my family knows that I love them dearly and would do anything for them.  Just like I will your clients, hypothetical future employer.

There's so much more that I could say about myself.  My unconventional path has given me the skills and tools I need to be good at what I do.  And obviously you've picked up that I have a great sense of humor and am an above-average writer.  Both of those are merely latent traits in the overall package that is Jason Parks.  I guarantee that if you give me a job and pay me money- I will be a darn good social worker.  Probably not the best ever- but I'll give you my best, and you'll never even need to say thank you.

As long as your insurance covers chronic hoarseness

PICS-
Weekly US- http://img1.bdbphotos.com/images/orig/f/9/f924btnpo7nento2.jpg
Bill and Teds- http://i4.ytimg.com/vi/OT4B-NJUcZE/0.jpg
High five- http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-ZytdDbL_DZU/T3R_qolQPvI/AAAAAAAAACQ/RH0RUUALq0s/s1600/internet_high_five-2496.jpg
Ridiculously photogenic guy- http://knowyourmeme.com/photos/283598-ridiculously-photogenic-guy-zeddie-little
Wedding- http://devasuram.files.wordpress.com/2009/04/worst-wedding-photo-4.jpg
Batman- https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiSDBOm7yzpg-F4eFP2bXnXDtsKTxcPUBFrqxF-1mGZmOBI8wvk59Ewonvpl_4LdAz4eL9dZjXfXy3IKz2G9gb5gCqxELBQXlFgYQ3q9BbcTtqqgoYzkbrRKoIHbvcBLaElFiStc0WJesM/s1600/936full-batman-begins-screenshot.jpg