How I met your clients

Have you ever watched 'How I Met Your Mother'?  If you haven't, then you should, because I watch it and it's the funniest show in the world.  I realize I'm only like six or seven years behind the bandwagon but hey- better late than never, right?

Anyways, this blog is not about that show, but it invokes a certain character from that show- namely, the show's main character, the "I" of "How I met your mother"- Ted Mosby.  Ted is the freaking man.  He's funny and charming and has a great job (that clearly lets him stay out until all hours of the night and engage in endless shenanigans with Doogie Howser) and is cute and...well, you get the picture.  If Ted Mosby was a real person, then he would always win People Magazine's Sexiest Man Alive who is not Jason Parks award (not to be confused with the Sexist Man Alive) and wannabes like Ryan Reynolds and George Clooney would end up stuck in a sidebar somewhere on the cover of Weekly Us.

Like that'll ever happen

So before I get swept away in some bizarre romantic fantasy involving me and a fictional dude, allow me to sort of explain how I plan to tie the character of Ted Mosby into my ongoing and thus far fruitless pursuit of a real-life social work job.  Because I'm totally going to do it, and you're totally going to be like, 'whoa'.

See, Keanu Reeves- he gets it

7 year spoiler alert- in the Pilot of HImym, Ted meets this really funny, charming, hot girl named Robin, and after a super first date, they're up in her apartment, dancing to really romantic music (did I mention it's like 1 in the morning) and Ted tells Robin that he loves her.  Apparently, this is a huge first date no-no, and so the romantic moment ends, Ted walks away- but not before dropping this totally inspirational nugget:
- "You know what? I'm done being single, I'm not good at it. Look, obviously you can't tell a woman you just met that you love her, but it sucks that you can't. I'll tell you something though, if a woman, not you, just some hypothetical woman, were to bear with me through all this, I think I'd make a damn good husband, because that's the stuff I'd be good at. Stuff like making her laugh and being a good father and walking her five hypothetical dogs. Being a good kisser.."

And I think that's when it hit me- I'm like the Ted Mosby of social work.  I'm the guy that would make some human service agency an amazing social worker who is super fun to work with, helps people, and is good at his job.  These past couple years of post-grad living have been like my employment bachelorhood- fun jobs, nothing long term- but now I'm ready for The One.  I'm ready for that commitment.  I'm ready to meet Your Mom.

Good one!

So basically this blog is going to be like an internet cover letter.  It'll cover all the stuff that a cover letter would probably cover, but without the rote formalities and big words that a normal cover letter would have- plus it has pictures.

PICTURES!!!

Before I begin- slight sidebar.  I think that there should be an eHarmony for jobs. Like someone figures out a scientific formula where you answer a bunch of questions and then an employer answers a bunch of questions and your composite scores get matched up based on compatibility.  I just think it'd make more sense than the whole application/resume/interview song and dance that we do, which is very antiquated- it's like going on a blind date, except you're competing with a bunch of other people like an episode of the Bachelor, but you only get one date (two, tops) before having to decide if you want to get married.  Maybe that's why there is such high turnover rate in some jobs and other people stay in places where they clearly aren't happy.

Maybe they have a top-notch benefits package...

Okay, so I'm going to get this started by listing the things that I'm...not.  I'm not going to be a polished professional right off the bat.  I've never been the best at jargon.  I definitely don't have lots of experience- my human service career has largely been filled with hands-on direct-care positions, which means that even though I've still developed a Bat-belt of social work abilities, I've been doing slightly different work in a different setting than my social work peers have been doing.

But let me tell you what I am- besides a good father and a good kisser.

'Sup.

First of all, I'm smart.  Not like, Mensa-smart or anything like that, but pretty darn smart.  I graduated from Northern Michigan University with a 3.97 that probably could have been a 4.0.  I did this while working and helping raise two young children.  I'm sure I'm not unique in this-but it's not a commonality either.  Actually, scratch that.  I accomplished something that has never ever been done before.  I guess I'm also like the Neil Armstrong of social work or something.  Whatevs.  Just another accolade at this point.

I'm able to look at things objectively and from multiple angles.  Life doesn't happen like some linear script- it's more like a lottery ball machine, with a myriad of events and people all jostling around and resulting in interesting things with the faux appearance of randomness.  So not only do I recognize that things aren't often what they seem- I actively seek out tributaries that might not seem to attach to the big river.  Because chances are, they might.

But I also know that I don't know everything- and often times I feel like I don't know anything. So I have the humility to learn from others- including my clients, who are really the experts in their life stories.  I'm not afraid to ask questions or to dig a little deeper.  If I have an area of weakness, I exploit it by trying to improve it.  In college, I took a Gay/Lesbian history class because I recognized that I had a prejudice in this area.  I went in with a (not as much as I thought I had) open mind and learned quite a bit.  I also made a great friend who happens to be a lesbian.  The moral of the story?  I'm awesome.

But this awesomeness didn't just happen like some sort of freak lab accident.  I have a life story of my own, with its own trials and tribulations.  I've been poor.  From the get-go, life has been tough.  Sara and I jumped into marriage as a couple of naive kids strung out on Peter Cetera songs and romantic comedies- which probably would have been fine if we hadn't got pregnant right away and then decided to move into a group home four months into our marriage.  Can you say "Cluster of Stressors"?

Even though life has been tough the last few years, and I feel like we've had to scratch and claw for everything, I also wouldn't trade it for anything (unless it was a few million dollars) because I believe that I've learned from it.  And while I know my story doesn't translate into a cure-all, I think it will help me to not only be more empathetic to my clients- but to also to be able to meet them where they're at (and treat them with dignity and respect).

Did I mention that I'm a husband and a father?  That means something.  Obviously it means that I am motivated to keep my job, since wives and children are expensive to upkeep.  But also, it means that I have a sense of commitment and the ability to work through difficult issues.  While I wouldn't often classify myself as a "selfless" person, I engage in varying degrees of personal sacrifice every day that I'm alive.  It's not always easy and I don't always do the best job- but at the end of the day my family knows that I love them dearly and would do anything for them.  Just like I will your clients, hypothetical future employer.

There's so much more that I could say about myself.  My unconventional path has given me the skills and tools I need to be good at what I do.  And obviously you've picked up that I have a great sense of humor and am an above-average writer.  Both of those are merely latent traits in the overall package that is Jason Parks.  I guarantee that if you give me a job and pay me money- I will be a darn good social worker.  Probably not the best ever- but I'll give you my best, and you'll never even need to say thank you.

As long as your insurance covers chronic hoarseness

PICS-
Weekly US- http://img1.bdbphotos.com/images/orig/f/9/f924btnpo7nento2.jpg
Bill and Teds- http://i4.ytimg.com/vi/OT4B-NJUcZE/0.jpg
High five- http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-ZytdDbL_DZU/T3R_qolQPvI/AAAAAAAAACQ/RH0RUUALq0s/s1600/internet_high_five-2496.jpg
Ridiculously photogenic guy- http://knowyourmeme.com/photos/283598-ridiculously-photogenic-guy-zeddie-little
Wedding- http://devasuram.files.wordpress.com/2009/04/worst-wedding-photo-4.jpg
Batman- https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiSDBOm7yzpg-F4eFP2bXnXDtsKTxcPUBFrqxF-1mGZmOBI8wvk59Ewonvpl_4LdAz4eL9dZjXfXy3IKz2G9gb5gCqxELBQXlFgYQ3q9BbcTtqqgoYzkbrRKoIHbvcBLaElFiStc0WJesM/s1600/936full-batman-begins-screenshot.jpg

Let's ask the important questions- Which president has the coolest name?

Well, election season is over (Thank God). Congratulations to Barack Obama, Better-luck-next times to Sarah Palin and my 3rd Party candidates. This whole election was a real eye-opener for me. Like, I really started thinking on some deep, deep issues. The economy, the environment, world relations- but the most deepest of all was which president has the coolest name.Obviously Barack Obama has the most different name of all the presidents. But is it the coolest? That is what I will be scientifically discerning in this post.

The Boring- These names are a dime a dozen. Yawn. Next please, comments here will be kept to a minimum, so as to not attract any more attention then humanly necessary. Seriously, I don't want you to fall asleep before you get to the good stuff.

John Adams
John Quincy Adams- Throwing an extraneous 'Quincy' in there doesn't hide that fact that we've already seen this name before.
Thomas Jefferson

James Monroe

James Madison

James Buchanan

Harry S Truman

Andrew Jackson

Andrew Johnson

Benjamin Harrison
William McKinley
William Howard Taft

William Jefferson Clinton

George Washington- George, I cannot tell a lie. You set the tone for centuries of boring names. You might be on the quarter (my favorite piece of money, by the way), but that does not change the fact that I use your name to fall asleep at night. Okay, so I did just tell a lie. But you chopped down your dad's cherry tree. Don't judge me.

The Sucky- These names might be a breath of fresh air on this list if they didn't conjur up images of pocket protecters, Star Trek fans, and high-water pants.

Ronald Wilson Reagan- Maybe if he was Ronald Raiden, he could have overcome sharing a name with a clown. But he's not. So he didn't.

Mr Gorbachev, tear down this wall- or I will zap you with lightning from my ninja hands. Also, I'd like a number 6 with coke.

Herbert Clark Hoover- It's fitting that Hoover is also a vacuum cleaner line, because the name Herbert just sucks.

Chester Alan Arthur- It is pretty bad when you have three names and they are all lame.

Woodrow Wilson- Woodrow? Woodrow? Why not, 'Treerow'? Or, 'Forestrow'? Or, 'Hedgerow'? Even 'Deathrow'. Any of these would have been better than Woodrow.
Calvin Coolidge

Theodore Roosevelt- Sure, you can call him 'Teddy' like you know him, but the fact remains that his mother cursed him to eternal dorkness by naming him 'Theodore'.

Hi, my name is Theodore...more like TheoDORK!

Franklin Pierce- Ah, Franklin. It's as if the names Frank and Lynn got married, and then spent the rest of their lives being annoying.

Dwight David Eisenhower- Dwight loses points for having a nickname (Ike) that has nothing to do with his real name. 2 things here- 1) If your name is only 1 syllable, you should not have a nickname. "Hi my name is Dwight, but you can call me Ike for short". Doesn't work. 2) There needs to be some relationship between your real name and your nickname. Jimmy Carter, Bill Clinton, those work fine. There is no 'Ike' in 'Dwight'. Really, come on now!
Lyndon Baines Johnson- Lyndon is a girls name. Next.

The Potential- These guys were THIS close to making it to the top ten, before tripping at the finish line- or the Finnish line, whichever came first.

James Abram Garfield- As much as I love a big, fat, orange lasagna-loving cat, I can't move ol' Jimbo into the top 10 because 'James' is the absolute most common president name. Now if his name would have been 'Jon'...well, that would have been amazing.

George Herbert Walker Bush- 4 names might seem to be a bit excessive, and 2 of those names (George/Herbert) are boring/sucky. So what gives Bush #1 the edge here? Look for yourself:

A certain Texas Ranger named...oh, I don't know...WALKER...

Chuck Norris fact: In ancient China there is a legend that one day a child will be born from a dragon, grow to be a man, and vanquish evil from the land. That man is not Chuck Norris, because Chuck Norris killed that man.

George W. Bush- George. Seen it. Bush. Been there. So what gives? Well, I'll tell ya- it's the W. W as a middle nomiker is a powerful, powerful thing. It makes ordinary men great, and great men more great. Think about this- Michael W. Smith, John W. Booth, Walt W. Disney, Michael W. Jordan, Wayne W. Gretzky, Joe W. Montana, WMD...the list goes on and on.

The next four are combined, like the powers of Captain Planet (I don't count 'heart' as a power...that's almost as lame as Captain Planets mullet).

William Henry Harrison
John Tyler

Zachary Taylor
Millard Fillmore- You might be thinking, 'William? John? MILLARD? What is going on here? Or you might be thinking, 'I'm bored. I wonder if Alf is on...' Well, either way, let me explain- these four were chosen because of the dynasty that they represent- the Whig dynasty. From 1841 to 1853, the Whig party was a political powerhouse, winning 3 out of 4 elections (Harrison died in office). Then, just as mysteriously as it appeared, the Whig party disappeared, like dandelion seeds into the wind. It is currently residing in Mexico, and is known as 'El guapo'.

It's a sweater!

Gerald Rudolph Ford Jr - Despite having a stupid first name, and sharing a middle name with a reindeer, Ford makes the list for one reason- he played football at U of M. Hail to the victors, baby!

James Earl Carter- This is the classic case of abusing a nickname. Jimmy would have earned higher points if he would have just stuck to James, and changed his last name to 'Jones'. Also , if he could speak in a beautiful bass voice and be Darth Vader.

Grover Cleveland- This guys was so FREAKING close to making it to the top ten- Grover is an amazing name, and in fact might be the most amazing first name in all of presidenthood. But I cannot in good consciousness give my blessing to anyone who associates with Cleveland and their vile existance.

Rutherford Birchard Hayes- Let this one sink in a little. Birchard. Birchard. Birchard. While Ruthorford held him out of the top ten like a millstone around your neck in a swimming pool, Birchard is the name that keeps on giving and giving. Birchard. Birchard. Birchard.

Wow, I'm going hog wild on this one! It's been tons of fun, fo' shizzle! Tune in next time, as I unveil THE TOP TEN COOLEST PRESIDENTS NAMES OF ALL TIME UP UNTIL NOW!