Before I dig into this post, you need to know a couple things. First of all, I plan to watch a lot of playoff football in the next couple weeks. So plan on reading some blogs about it. Secondly- I am not a football expert. I know the rules, positions, statistics, basic strategy, etc. But this isn't going to be one of those blogs with crazy football insight or scout speak. It's going to be one man's gut reactions to what he sees (and what the announcers tell him he sees). So with that in mind- Wild Card weekend!
-New Orleans at Seattle
This is definitely the game that I watched the most of, although that doesn't necessarily mean much- being easily distracted and having young children is a really bad mix for watching football. It doesn't help that I have a hard time slipping into old school dad mode, where nothing comes before football. But enough about that.
First of all- hats off to the Seahawks. I don't know how long their playoff ride will last, but anytime an underdog wins, it's a big deal. The fact that they had a losing record and beat the defending Super Bowl champs makes it even bigger. It's not quite a 16 seed beating a 1 seed in the NCAA tournament- but I think it's pretty close.
That said- this game was just as much a Saints loss as it was a Seahawks win. The defense looked really bad- 12 year veteran Brandon Stokely (12 year veteran is a synonym for 'cagey', which is itself a synonym for 'old and slow') beat 3 Saints on a deep touchdown, and Marshawn Lynch almost broke an entire defense worth of tackles on his way to a 67 yard dagger touchdown run in the 4th quarter. Matt Hasselbeck was only sacked once.
It was almost like New Orleans took this game for granted, and was never able to really capture a sense of urgency. One play symbolizes this to me. It's easy to miss because it happened early in the game, but it was a 3rd and 2 (or 3ish) inside the red zone on the Saints first possession, and a scrambling Drew Brees threw an incomplete pass to Reggie Bush (Bush dropped the ball). Brees is no Vince Young, but I feel like Brees could have ran for the 1st down instead of throwing an awkward pass to Bush. I almost feel like they didn't take that play as serious as they could have- maybe with more urgency, he would have put his head down and tried to make the 1st down. I don't know for sure. But to me, that play was huge, because instead of taking the opening kick and marching methodically for a touchdown, they had to settle for a field goal. If there is one thing I've learned, it's that you don't allow an underdog to hang around because they start to believe that they can win. You need to bury them, and bury them quickly. It's surprising that the defending champs weren't able to do this.
Next week, I think that the clock strikes midnight on Cinderella. I really don't see the Bears making the same mistakes. True, their offense is nowhere near as prolific as the Saints is- but then, their defense is much more likely to make life miserable for the Seahawks. I see the Bears winning and advancing to the conference finals.
-New York at Indianapolis
I only saw bits and pieces of this game because we were busy making some preparations for my in-laws 30th anniversary celebration. Nonetheless, I have stuff to say, doggone it!
First of all, I do feel bad for Peyton Manning. He's a great QB, a hard worker, and judging from his numerous commercials, a fun guy. Yet, all his qualities and successes haven't added up to significant post season success. Yeah, he has a Super Bowl ring and another appearance- but his list of failures is just as long. The loss to the Jets just adds to that legacy blemish.
I really don't like the Jets. I didn't like them before the season (without even watching Hard Knocks) because I hate the whole 'self promotion' thing. I am much more of the idea that you talk after you win, not before. The circus that came during the season for the Jets (Braylon Edwards DUI, Trip-gate, Foot fetish, etc.) just added to my disdain for them. Police your own, Jets- I am not naive enough to believe that all football teams are made up of saints (only the one in New Orleans), but you have to be able to keep things under wraps. The problem with talking loud and often is that eventually you have to stick your foot in your mouth because you say something stupid.
That said, the Jets win didn't surprise me- only the manner in which it happened. Nick Folk kicks the game winning field goal- really? I had Nick Folk as my fantasy kicker last season. How does he win a playoff game with a field goal? Did that just happen? Where was this last year during my playoffs? Huh?
Peyton and the Colts gave it their all, but they had too many injuries at key positions to pull it out. It was still a very gutsy performance by the men in blue, and I tip my proverbial hat to them. For the Jets- I hope that they have enjoyed their postseason, because it will be over after next weeks visit to the Patriots.
What stood out most to me about this game was the sequence late in the first half where the Jets were trying to get the ball to Dustin Keller and Mark Sanchez overthrew him- three straight times. Three. Straight. Times. You may get away with that against a banged up Colts team- but not against the Patriots. Sanchez still has time to develop into a really good QB- but he's definitely not there right now. Probably because he spends too much time throwing 2-liters and overacting.
-Baltimore at Kansas City
First of all, hats off to the Chiefs- they had a great season with a young team. And in no way is my perception of their success biased by the presence of Dwayne Bowe on my fantasy team this season. No really, it's not.
Ever since the 90's, when I first started paying attention to football, I've had this sort of mystical perception of the Kansas City Chiefs franchise. It's probably because they only play the Lions once every blue moon, and Arrowhead stadium seemed to be one of the most intense and passionate stadiums. Whatever the case- I've always had a soft spot in my heart for the Chiefs.
Speaking of soft spots in hearts, the Ravens found the soft spot in the Chiefs', plunged their hands in, and ripped it out and then ate it. Baltimore was simply dominant- witness their 4th quarter 10+ minute drive to squelch any hope that the Chiefs may have had. Both teams were in the playoffs- but the Ravens are obviously in a completely different league when it comes to postseason football.
I found it interesting that Joe Flacco has never played in a home playoff football game. Barring a major upset by the Jets, he won't play in any this season either.
Next weeks Baltimore-Pittsburgh game will pay homage to the olden days, when football was a man's sport. I look forward to watching it in my Snuggie.
-Green Bay at Philadelphia
Living in the Upper Peninsula is basically like living in Wisconsin as far as football goes. Our local newspaper covers the Packers like a local team. The locals root for the Packers. Even my Alma Mater has the same uniform colors as the Packers. So it is tough to openly root against the Packers. I have to be very subtle and subversive. Like that episode of Saved By The Bell where Valley steals the Bayside mascot, I have to be super sneaky.
PACKERS SUCK
Wait, that's not it.
(PACKERS SUCK)
That's better. Now, onto the game!
As much as it might pain me to admit it, the Packers are starting to live up to their preseason hype, and this 6 seed is going to send shockwaves through the rest of the playoffs. I don't see any remaining NFC team that scares them- they beat the Bears in the last week of the season, gave the Falcons all they could handle and more...and who is scared of the Seahawks? Actually...what is a Seahawk?
They found a running game against the Eagles, Aaron Rodgers threw 3 scoring passes, and the defense played very well. If you're a Falcons player, you probably would rather face the Seahawks than the Packers right now (although I doubt any NFL player would be brazen enough to actually say something like that out loud).
For the Eagles- tough way to lose. The magic just seemed to run out at the end- and if you've watched any of the Tinkerbell movies, you know that magic runs out, and you need to have a special blue stone that shines in the moonlight and makes more of it. It will be interesting to see if Vick's tail off at the end of the season will make the Eagles think twice about committing to him long term.
Another thing about Vick- Madden 11 basically treats him like he isn't even there! Seriously- every time he runs or makes a big play, he gets the generic QB treatment. I get that he was out of the NFL for a couple years, and was expected to be a back up when the game was being made. But this is Mike Vick, man- he was on the cover of your game, for crying out loud! How does he rate the same in-game commentary track as such legends as Rusty Smith or Dan LeFevour (sorry Dan- I love you man, but I can't think of any other QBs in the game right now that merit the generic QB commentary track).
That's all I have for now- tune in next week after another round of The Playoffs.
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Monday, January 10, 2011
@Twitter r teh suxxorz ZOMG!!!!1!!1 pwn'd n00bs!!!1!
When you're as popular and awesome as I am, you tend to get a lot of people asking you about important things in your life. Probably the most important of those is- "Why aren't you on Twitter?".
No really, it's true.
For serious- guys, stop looking at me like that.
Guys?
Okay, okay- so I'm not talking about me- it's actually the life experience of an alternate dimension Jason Parks, where I (he?) am popular and awesome. But aside from having the same name, we have one other thing in common- neither one of us have Twitter.
So why doesn't he have Twitter, you may be asking yourself. I just need to know what he's thinking right now.
Well fear not, loyal followers- I'm going to tell you. Because I only live to serve you, my faithful audience (BTWs, shameless plug- almost 2 weeks straight of blogging nirvana from yours truly!).
I don't personally hold anything against Twitter (other than, perhaps, that I wasn't the first one to discover it and make it super cool). Lots of people use it, and it's definitely added a new dimension to Sports Center for me- now I can watch Stewart Scott talk about what athletes are tweeting. Tweeting!!!
However, there are a couple things that I don't like about Twitter that unfortunately outweigh my desire to have each and every person on the planet wired into my brain.
The first is that I simply cannot limit myself to 140 characters or less. Shoot, sometimes Facebook cuts me off on my statuses, and they have like a 500 character limit. I mean- if Twitter really wants to be the outlet for my immediate thoughts- then they can't just assume that I can relay my thoughts in less than 140 characters. Because that is just not going to happen- I watch USA.
The second is somewhat of an offshoot of the first (if it makes you feel better, you may refer to it as 1a when you are not in my presence). I hate bad grammar. I know I don't always have the best grammar, and I use commas like I am being paid under the table to endorse them- but I also go to painstaking lengths to make sure that I at least have decent grammar, somewhat okay spelling, and a semblance of punctuation.
If you've read any Twitter posts- it's like a train wreck in a tornado in a mine field. Abbreviations, misspellings, l337 speak- and don't get me started on their punctuation atrocity. It's a nightmare! That's why the gods of language got together all those years ago and made The Six Rules of Language and put it on the Rosetta Stone.
To those that twiddle or whatever, I say 'whatever floats your boat'. There are people that use it, enjoy it, and get information from it. So it serves a social function, and I will not vote it off the island. I will just not use it. This blog is my own personal Twitter, and I shall tweet from it to my hearts content.
(This blog post has been brought to you by, Commas. Commas- Separating thoughts to secure peace of mind since the 3rd century B.C.)
No really, it's true.
For serious- guys, stop looking at me like that.
Guys?
Okay, okay- so I'm not talking about me- it's actually the life experience of an alternate dimension Jason Parks, where I (he?) am popular and awesome. But aside from having the same name, we have one other thing in common- neither one of us have Twitter.
So why doesn't he have Twitter, you may be asking yourself. I just need to know what he's thinking right now.
Well fear not, loyal followers- I'm going to tell you. Because I only live to serve you, my faithful audience (BTWs, shameless plug- almost 2 weeks straight of blogging nirvana from yours truly!).
I don't personally hold anything against Twitter (other than, perhaps, that I wasn't the first one to discover it and make it super cool). Lots of people use it, and it's definitely added a new dimension to Sports Center for me- now I can watch Stewart Scott talk about what athletes are tweeting. Tweeting!!!
However, there are a couple things that I don't like about Twitter that unfortunately outweigh my desire to have each and every person on the planet wired into my brain.
The first is that I simply cannot limit myself to 140 characters or less. Shoot, sometimes Facebook cuts me off on my statuses, and they have like a 500 character limit. I mean- if Twitter really wants to be the outlet for my immediate thoughts- then they can't just assume that I can relay my thoughts in less than 140 characters. Because that is just not going to happen- I watch USA.
The second is somewhat of an offshoot of the first (if it makes you feel better, you may refer to it as 1a when you are not in my presence). I hate bad grammar. I know I don't always have the best grammar, and I use commas like I am being paid under the table to endorse them- but I also go to painstaking lengths to make sure that I at least have decent grammar, somewhat okay spelling, and a semblance of punctuation.
If you've read any Twitter posts- it's like a train wreck in a tornado in a mine field. Abbreviations, misspellings, l337 speak- and don't get me started on their punctuation atrocity. It's a nightmare! That's why the gods of language got together all those years ago and made The Six Rules of Language and put it on the Rosetta Stone.
To those that twiddle or whatever, I say 'whatever floats your boat'. There are people that use it, enjoy it, and get information from it. So it serves a social function, and I will not vote it off the island. I will just not use it. This blog is my own personal Twitter, and I shall tweet from it to my hearts content.
(This blog post has been brought to you by, Commas. Commas- Separating thoughts to secure peace of mind since the 3rd century B.C.)
New Template=here!
If you came to my blog, then...wait a minute. If I'm writing this, and you're reading this, then that must mean (no it can't be, this is too good to be true) THAT I HAVE READERS!!!!!
This is the best day ever!
Okay, now where was I? Oh yeah...so if you're reading this, then that must mean that the world has ended. No, that's not it. I have been kidnapped, so give them anything they ask for. Hmmm...still wrong. What was I going to say?
I remember!
If you are reading this, then I want to assure you that yes, you are still at the same best blog ever that you've come to know and love. I just changed the physical appearance without changing any of the spiritual and emotional awesomeness.
I went with the Picture Window theme, because it's awesome. I went with a picture of planet Earth because that's where I live. And I chose a lot of blue because blue is the color of Earth.
Wow...I can't believe that someone is reading my blog- I feel like the king on the Princess Bride- she kissed me!
At this point, I'm sure you're all worried that because I posted twice in one day, that there won't be a post tomorrow. And I don't even need any reassurance- just knowing that you are worried is good enough for me. Just know that yes Virginia, there will be a post tomorrow. You can now resume reading the first post that I posted today. It's an epic tale about the University of Michigan and their dangerous search for a new coach. I invoke references of bawdy bar behavior, 1990's football comedies, and Elvis. It's great!!!
(Golly gee...I have real readers!!!)
This is the best day ever!
Okay, now where was I? Oh yeah...so if you're reading this, then that must mean that the world has ended. No, that's not it. I have been kidnapped, so give them anything they ask for. Hmmm...still wrong. What was I going to say?
I remember!
If you are reading this, then I want to assure you that yes, you are still at the same best blog ever that you've come to know and love. I just changed the physical appearance without changing any of the spiritual and emotional awesomeness.
I went with the Picture Window theme, because it's awesome. I went with a picture of planet Earth because that's where I live. And I chose a lot of blue because blue is the color of Earth.
Wow...I can't believe that someone is reading my blog- I feel like the king on the Princess Bride- she kissed me!
At this point, I'm sure you're all worried that because I posted twice in one day, that there won't be a post tomorrow. And I don't even need any reassurance- just knowing that you are worried is good enough for me. Just know that yes Virginia, there will be a post tomorrow. You can now resume reading the first post that I posted today. It's an epic tale about the University of Michigan and their dangerous search for a new coach. I invoke references of bawdy bar behavior, 1990's football comedies, and Elvis. It's great!!!
(Golly gee...I have real readers!!!)
Okay Michigan...any more bright ideas?
First off, congrats to Jim Harbaugh for landing the San Francisco 49ers gig. I have fond memories of his miracle playoff run in 1995, and I guess since then I've always liked to see him succeed. He strikes me as a classy guy, and from what I've read, he's a heck of a coach. I mean, to bring Stanford to the heights that he did this past season is very impressive.
That said, I don't think he's going to do very well in the NFL. It's a rough transition for most college coaches to the NFL- and I honestly don't see it going much differently in this case. The 49ers have some talent- but they have serious QB questions in a league that demands good QB play. Plus, how quickly will 49er fans turn on him if they get off to a slow start next year and Stanford starts off well (of course, we're assuming that there will be a next season).
But that's not really what I wanted to address. The fact is, I apparently have developed the gift of prophecy- and if you don't believe me, check this out. And no- it doesn't really matter that everyone else was saying the same thing- because I was bold enough to say it (and no, you cannot leave and go do a Google search...you just have to take my word for it, I'm a bona fide clairvoyant).
Unfortunately, at this point, the whole search-for-a-coach situation is really feeling like a Chinese fire drill. I like the fact that U- M AD Dave Brandon took his time- but unfortunately it seems like the cons might end up outweighing the pros. Rich Rod got a month+ to prepare for a bowl game with no vote of confidence for his job, high school recruits got to listen to other coaches play up the lack of stability at Michigan, and any desire that Jim Harbaugh had for the Michigan job left the building.
So now what? Michigan is really starting to look like that dude at the bar that wants to take a girl home and get lucky, only it's close to closing time and the pickings are slim. You could have asked that hot chick (Harbaugh in this case) way earlier in the night, but you wanted to wait it out a little bit with the girl you came with (Rich Rod), but you had too much to drink and kicked her to the curb. So you are basically looking at taking the ugly girl home tonight buddy.
Seriously, I feel like they're grasping at straws and just throwing out names. If there was any inkling back in December that they were going to fire Rodriguez- they probably should have done it, because right now I feel like the odds are increasing that they will be forced to make a seriously panic-driven decision as they continue to get turned down by all the coaching prospects. Bo Pelini? Said no. Pat Fitzgerald? Thanks but no thanks. Jon Gruden? Wait...Jon Gruden? That would be like failing to find a suitable one-night stand mate and just going back to your pad and playing X-box with your roomies.
Of course, Michigan does have a plan- Les Miles. I know, I know- it's not much of a plan. I suppose it's a good sign that he has agreed to meet with Michigan. Maybe he just likes to reject people face to face, I don't know. Maybe it coincides with his need to hunker down for the winter.
But if I was Miles- why would I leave a lucrative coaching gig in the SEC (where I get paid $2.8 million, BTWs) with a team that was 12-2 in the best conference in the land for a team that has 2 losing records in the last 3 years, the worst defense ever, and a team built for a completely different play style? I suppose there is the whole "Michigan-man" thing- but that wasn't enough to entice Harbaugh, and it wasn't enough to sway Miles last time around.
As a seer of the future, I'm not trying to use my new found powers to spread doom and gloom- but I also don't like the direction that this is all headed. At this pace, the Wolverines are in line to get rejected by Kevin O'Shea, Ed Gennero, and Coach Klein. Eric Taylor, though, is practically begging for the job- and by 'begging for the job', I mean he is yelling at his players and looking very confused.
At least we're not the Dolphins- how about that whole soap opera? Searching for a coach while you already have a coach- that sounds like something that even Ohio State wouldn't do.
That said, I don't think he's going to do very well in the NFL. It's a rough transition for most college coaches to the NFL- and I honestly don't see it going much differently in this case. The 49ers have some talent- but they have serious QB questions in a league that demands good QB play. Plus, how quickly will 49er fans turn on him if they get off to a slow start next year and Stanford starts off well (of course, we're assuming that there will be a next season).
But that's not really what I wanted to address. The fact is, I apparently have developed the gift of prophecy- and if you don't believe me, check this out. And no- it doesn't really matter that everyone else was saying the same thing- because I was bold enough to say it (and no, you cannot leave and go do a Google search...you just have to take my word for it, I'm a bona fide clairvoyant).
Unfortunately, at this point, the whole search-for-a-coach situation is really feeling like a Chinese fire drill. I like the fact that U- M AD Dave Brandon took his time- but unfortunately it seems like the cons might end up outweighing the pros. Rich Rod got a month+ to prepare for a bowl game with no vote of confidence for his job, high school recruits got to listen to other coaches play up the lack of stability at Michigan, and any desire that Jim Harbaugh had for the Michigan job left the building.
So now what? Michigan is really starting to look like that dude at the bar that wants to take a girl home and get lucky, only it's close to closing time and the pickings are slim. You could have asked that hot chick (Harbaugh in this case) way earlier in the night, but you wanted to wait it out a little bit with the girl you came with (Rich Rod), but you had too much to drink and kicked her to the curb. So you are basically looking at taking the ugly girl home tonight buddy.
Seriously, I feel like they're grasping at straws and just throwing out names. If there was any inkling back in December that they were going to fire Rodriguez- they probably should have done it, because right now I feel like the odds are increasing that they will be forced to make a seriously panic-driven decision as they continue to get turned down by all the coaching prospects. Bo Pelini? Said no. Pat Fitzgerald? Thanks but no thanks. Jon Gruden? Wait...Jon Gruden? That would be like failing to find a suitable one-night stand mate and just going back to your pad and playing X-box with your roomies.
Of course, Michigan does have a plan- Les Miles. I know, I know- it's not much of a plan. I suppose it's a good sign that he has agreed to meet with Michigan. Maybe he just likes to reject people face to face, I don't know. Maybe it coincides with his need to hunker down for the winter.
But if I was Miles- why would I leave a lucrative coaching gig in the SEC (where I get paid $2.8 million, BTWs) with a team that was 12-2 in the best conference in the land for a team that has 2 losing records in the last 3 years, the worst defense ever, and a team built for a completely different play style? I suppose there is the whole "Michigan-man" thing- but that wasn't enough to entice Harbaugh, and it wasn't enough to sway Miles last time around.
As a seer of the future, I'm not trying to use my new found powers to spread doom and gloom- but I also don't like the direction that this is all headed. At this pace, the Wolverines are in line to get rejected by Kevin O'Shea, Ed Gennero, and Coach Klein. Eric Taylor, though, is practically begging for the job- and by 'begging for the job', I mean he is yelling at his players and looking very confused.
At least we're not the Dolphins- how about that whole soap opera? Searching for a coach while you already have a coach- that sounds like something that even Ohio State wouldn't do.
Sunday, January 9, 2011
Desparately seeking normalcy?
What does it mean to be 'normal'? We live in a society that places the calling on us to transcend the common. To be average is to fail. We have to excel and stand out in order to be noticed. So in doing this, we by default have to rise above others, right?
But is there anything wrong with being 'normal' or 'average'? I mean, we can't all stand out. We can't all go against the flow. Society as we understand it needs certain things in place in order to operate efficiently. We might laugh at the person that works at McDonalds- but if not them, then who? It'd either be someone else, or else it would cease to exist. And the Lord knows I can't live without Chicken McNuggets.
I think about this periodically when watching shows where they talk about genetically creating "perfect" humanity using the DNA of the "elite". Now, obviously these shows are slightly far-fetched and would never happen, but it's not as sexy of an idea as it might appear to be. Because all you're doing is upgrading to a higher class of normal.
See, we rely on roles in order to help us to define ourselves. In that end, we actually need criminals. We need deviants. The kids that sit in the back of the class and shoot spit-balls? Gotta have them. Because it is their actions that help us learn what is not okay to do. Also, we can live vicariously through their actions- because we all have that mischievous side that desires to act out, to do that which we know is wrong- but can't act on it, because we are good kids (Yeah, right that has to be it).
Likewise, we need the high achievers as well. There needs to be people that we aspire to be, lest we become complacent. All men may be created equal- but it cannot stay that way.
Why am I blathering on about this? Well, aside from wanting to blog about something that is not related to fantasy football, I've been struggling with this set of expectations that I have for myself, and the expectations that my achievements have placed on me.
As a recent college graduate who was very successful in school, sometimes I wrestle with the fact that I'm currently a stay-at-home dad who works part time doing an after-school program and cleaning class rooms. That doesn't mean that I don't really like what I do- far from it, actually. It's just that...there is this pressure to obtain certain objectives, pressure that doesn't come from anyone with a name or face (which makes it tougher).
In this regard, our church has actually been very helpful in re-framing the idea of greatness. See, in my mind (and the minds of many others, I'd wager), we equate greatness with the level of platform. That is, to be great, your actions must be known far and wide, under the bright lights performed for huge crowds. And that is definitely a form of greatness.
But there is another, more "mundane" form of greatness that transpires in our every day lives. It's the greatness that no one else sees. It's the greatness of preparation. Bill Simmons wrote a piece about the rivalry between Tom Brady and Peyton Manning, and the one thing that stands out about both quarterbacks is not their talent or their accolades- it's their willingness to be great in the little things- watching film, lifting weights, working everyday to make themselves better (even though, by our standards they have already achieved greatness). It's not so much that greatness is a destination- it's a journey.
So what does it all mean? It means that for right now- I'm okay with being normal. I don't have to stand out. There are things I can do here and now to contribute to society and my family that will be looked back upon as stepping stones into a much bigger picture. I'm reminded of a Rob Thomas song (strangely enough) from the movie Meet the Robinsons:
Our lives are made in these small hours These little wonders, these twists & turns of fate Time falls away, but these small hours, these small hours still remain
May we all learn to find our greatness in the small hours of life.
But is there anything wrong with being 'normal' or 'average'? I mean, we can't all stand out. We can't all go against the flow. Society as we understand it needs certain things in place in order to operate efficiently. We might laugh at the person that works at McDonalds- but if not them, then who? It'd either be someone else, or else it would cease to exist. And the Lord knows I can't live without Chicken McNuggets.
I think about this periodically when watching shows where they talk about genetically creating "perfect" humanity using the DNA of the "elite". Now, obviously these shows are slightly far-fetched and would never happen, but it's not as sexy of an idea as it might appear to be. Because all you're doing is upgrading to a higher class of normal.
See, we rely on roles in order to help us to define ourselves. In that end, we actually need criminals. We need deviants. The kids that sit in the back of the class and shoot spit-balls? Gotta have them. Because it is their actions that help us learn what is not okay to do. Also, we can live vicariously through their actions- because we all have that mischievous side that desires to act out, to do that which we know is wrong- but can't act on it, because we are good kids (Yeah, right that has to be it).
Likewise, we need the high achievers as well. There needs to be people that we aspire to be, lest we become complacent. All men may be created equal- but it cannot stay that way.
Why am I blathering on about this? Well, aside from wanting to blog about something that is not related to fantasy football, I've been struggling with this set of expectations that I have for myself, and the expectations that my achievements have placed on me.
As a recent college graduate who was very successful in school, sometimes I wrestle with the fact that I'm currently a stay-at-home dad who works part time doing an after-school program and cleaning class rooms. That doesn't mean that I don't really like what I do- far from it, actually. It's just that...there is this pressure to obtain certain objectives, pressure that doesn't come from anyone with a name or face (which makes it tougher).
In this regard, our church has actually been very helpful in re-framing the idea of greatness. See, in my mind (and the minds of many others, I'd wager), we equate greatness with the level of platform. That is, to be great, your actions must be known far and wide, under the bright lights performed for huge crowds. And that is definitely a form of greatness.
But there is another, more "mundane" form of greatness that transpires in our every day lives. It's the greatness that no one else sees. It's the greatness of preparation. Bill Simmons wrote a piece about the rivalry between Tom Brady and Peyton Manning, and the one thing that stands out about both quarterbacks is not their talent or their accolades- it's their willingness to be great in the little things- watching film, lifting weights, working everyday to make themselves better (even though, by our standards they have already achieved greatness). It's not so much that greatness is a destination- it's a journey.
So what does it all mean? It means that for right now- I'm okay with being normal. I don't have to stand out. There are things I can do here and now to contribute to society and my family that will be looked back upon as stepping stones into a much bigger picture. I'm reminded of a Rob Thomas song (strangely enough) from the movie Meet the Robinsons:
Our lives are made in these small hours These little wonders, these twists & turns of fate Time falls away, but these small hours, these small hours still remain
May we all learn to find our greatness in the small hours of life.
Saturday, January 8, 2011
50 ways to improve your health...if you are from another planet.
Remember the praises that I sang about the new health care bill? The caution that I preached as the wrinkles were ironed out? Well, I take it all back- you should be outraged at the idea of universal health care...if for no other reason than the fact that our doctors are nothing more than a collection of fancy old wives and their tales. At least, the doctors on TV are.
Sara and I stumbled on a list of 50 health info "nuggets" that sound more like proverbs from Poor Richard. This list of health 'wisdom' came from a doctors website that is an outlet from a doctors TV channel. If you tuned in thinking that you were going to get the benefit of 8+ years of high quality doctoral education- think again.
The full list can be found at http://www.thedoctorstv.com/files/50_Ways.pdf
Sara and I stumbled on a list of 50 health info "nuggets" that sound more like proverbs from Poor Richard. This list of health 'wisdom' came from a doctors website that is an outlet from a doctors TV channel. If you tuned in thinking that you were going to get the benefit of 8+ years of high quality doctoral education- think again.
The full list can be found at http://www.thedoctorstv.com/files/50_Ways.pdf
1. Eating spinach can improve your eyesight.
2. Adding lemon to your green tea will help you get all the health benefits from it.
3. Adding raspberries to your diet can help stabilize your blood sugar and help prevent diabetes.
Basically what I'm getting here is 'eat your fruits and vegetables'. Which our uneducated parents have been telling us for years (uh, hey mom and dad- that didn't come out right, but you know what I mean, right?).
4. Eating a baked potato, especially with the skin, helps increase your potassium levels and decrease blood pressure.
And the only way you can legitimately eat a baked potato is with globs of sour cream, cheese, and bacon bits. I know that doctors know this, so their silence in this matter obviously means that all systems are go.
5. Eating garlic can reduce your risk of prostate cancer by 50 percent.
Unfortunately you also risk missing out on a chance to meet the love of your life.
7. Cinnamon can be a natural appetite suppressant because it controls insulin spikes.
And cinnamon rolls can be a natural appetite suppressant because you just eat so gosh-darn many of them.
9. Don’t drink all of your calories!
Is this really a problem for people? I mean, who doesn't like to get most of their calories from a nice juicy Big Mac, or a chili-cheese burrito. Besides healthy people, I mean.
13. Water vapor from cooking can cause mold, so make sure to always turn the kitchen fan on.
Our kitchen fan is always on- but not to prevent water vapor mold- it's to keep our trigger-happy smoke alarm from going off.
14. Keep your cat off of counters and tables. If it likes to jump on them, try putting sticky paper, aluminum foil or pepper on the surface because cats don’t like them on their paws.
Or, you could just cook your cat. I find that if you wrap them in aluminum foil, season them with a pinch of pepper, and stick them in the oven for 30 minutes, they are simply delicious.
15. Don’t vacuum more than once a week because vacuuming too much can stir up dust mites.
We at the Parks household definitely do not have to worry about vacuuming too often.
16. Always stand when you flush the toilet to avoid getting bacteria from the water on you.
Also, this will help to protect you from sewer alligators or getting suctioned onto the seat.
18. Don’t wet your eye shadow or eyeliner brushes with saliva.
Some of these don't actually need the commentary- it sort of writes itself. This is one of those.
20. Clean make-up brushes with vinegar to kill bacteria.
I actually didn't know this one. Nice work.
22. To avoid medication mix-ups, paint the lids of your prescription bottles.
Or you could, you know, actually read the labels. The ones that the highly trained professionals put on the bottles.
23. Keep birth control pills next to your toothbrush.
Because if you aren't brushing your teeth every day, you are probably already practicing a more natural form of birth control. This idea is a win/win.
25. Have your baby wear sunglasses.
It will remind you that when you have a child, all of the coolness that used to reside in you is subsequently transferred to your children.
27. Wet swimsuits can pose health hazards, so change out of your wet trunks as soon as possible.
Guys call this hazard 'shrinkage'.
32. Put your child on a sleep schedule.
In other news, killing yourself can be hazardous to your health.
37. When running on the treadmill, increase the speed or incline for a better workout.
What is a treadmill?
39. Squeeze your glutes when lifting weights overhead.
Or, you could try squeezing someone else's glutes when they are lifting weights overhead. But that might get you arrested. So maybe don't do that.
41. Plank exercises help burn calories.
Which is one reason why pirates were in such good shape.
43. Improve your fertility by quitting smoking.
Because who wants to kiss an ashtray- seriously?
47. Adding cream or milk to coffee will dilute the dark brown stain coffee can leave and help keep your teeth a little whiter.
It also helps it to not taste like crap.
48. Prevent tooth erosion by drinking a glass of water after drinking soda.
Because doctors realize that Americans are definitely not going to stop drinking soda...even if a doctor tells them to.
50. Hugs help prevent heart disease.
There are some smaller studies that refute this claim.
I don't want to make it sound like these things are 'wrong' or 'bad'...but they also don't really seem to be 2011 newsworthy. I mean, humanity is often stupid, sure- but give us a little bit of credit. But only a little bit.
It also helps it to not taste like crap.
48. Prevent tooth erosion by drinking a glass of water after drinking soda.
Because doctors realize that Americans are definitely not going to stop drinking soda...even if a doctor tells them to.
50. Hugs help prevent heart disease.
There are some smaller studies that refute this claim.
I don't want to make it sound like these things are 'wrong' or 'bad'...but they also don't really seem to be 2011 newsworthy. I mean, humanity is often stupid, sure- but give us a little bit of credit. But only a little bit.
Friday, January 7, 2011
Writings from the past #1 (no, this is not filler, even if it has fillerish qualities)
First of all...aren't you even a little bit impressed? I mean, here we are, a week into January- and I've been blogging pretty consistently (as in, extremely consistently). Granted- I haven't delved into anything too deep yet- but come on- the fact that I have shown this level of motivation in my blogging efforts has to count for something. Right? By the way, I imagine that I won't make a big deal about my consecutive blogging streak forever. Like, I'm sure the first few complete seasons Cal Ripken Jr. put in, he was probably pretty impressed with himself- and then after a while, it's just expected of you. So fear not loyal reader- my fawning over myself is not long for this world!
So over Christmas break, Sara and I did some hardcore organizing and sorting. It was pretty awesome- we threw some stuff away, got some stuff out that we forgot that we had, and cleared some more space in our 900 square footish place. I know, I know- you're impressed.
During all this sorting, I came across a treasure trove of old writings and musings and papers I have written over the years. Some of it (quite a big chunk, actually) is emo-driven babble from early 2000's relationship limbo. Don't worry, I won't subject you to (much of) that. But there was also some stuff that I'm pretty proud of...and since they don't do real life show-and-tell, the next best thing is to blog it!
I'll actually do a pseudo-series of this- and I'll call it "Writings from the past #". Now, I realize that I have taken the good name of "series" and basically treated it as though I was a whaling vessel- but I think that if I can come reasonably close to writing every day this year...I should be able to keep at least some vestige of consistency....I think. Plus, this series is, like, already written- I just have to type it into the computer. How awesome is that!
Anyways, without further ado (which, interesting aside- I used to think was further adieu), here is Writing from the past #1. It is a paper I wrote for a correspondence writing course (for childrens books) that I took back in 2003 (I finished about half of the course before I just stopped submitting work. Are you surprised?). I know it's past the holidays, but since there is still snow on the ground, we'll call it close enough. It's called Rudolph the Red-nosed Radio Tower, and it is a piece about my childhood memories of Christmas Eve at my grandpa and grandma's house.
So over Christmas break, Sara and I did some hardcore organizing and sorting. It was pretty awesome- we threw some stuff away, got some stuff out that we forgot that we had, and cleared some more space in our 900 square footish place. I know, I know- you're impressed.
During all this sorting, I came across a treasure trove of old writings and musings and papers I have written over the years. Some of it (quite a big chunk, actually) is emo-driven babble from early 2000's relationship limbo. Don't worry, I won't subject you to (much of) that. But there was also some stuff that I'm pretty proud of...and since they don't do real life show-and-tell, the next best thing is to blog it!
I'll actually do a pseudo-series of this- and I'll call it "Writings from the past #". Now, I realize that I have taken the good name of "series" and basically treated it as though I was a whaling vessel- but I think that if I can come reasonably close to writing every day this year...I should be able to keep at least some vestige of consistency....I think. Plus, this series is, like, already written- I just have to type it into the computer. How awesome is that!
Anyways, without further ado (which, interesting aside- I used to think was further adieu), here is Writing from the past #1. It is a paper I wrote for a correspondence writing course (for childrens books) that I took back in 2003 (I finished about half of the course before I just stopped submitting work. Are you surprised?). I know it's past the holidays, but since there is still snow on the ground, we'll call it close enough. It's called Rudolph the Red-nosed Radio Tower, and it is a piece about my childhood memories of Christmas Eve at my grandpa and grandma's house.
Rudolph the Red-nosed Radio Tower
Growing up, Christmas Eve meant going to Grandpa and Grandma's house. Grandpa and Grandma Parks lived in a white ranch-style hou(for childrese in Shepherd. Shepherd is smack dab in the middle of the "Mitten", as lower Michigan is affectionately known as. It was in a rural, but not isolated, area surrounded by rolling hills and endless pine tree forests.
We would knock on the door around 4 o'clock. The laundry room was the first room in the house. The faint aroma of baked ham and scalloped potatoes mixed with the odor of Tide and driveway dirt filled the air. The outside chill met the warmth of the furnace head on. Waves of cousins would run out and give us big bear hugs.
As we made our way through the kitchen to the living room, I would always make sure to grab a snack. Usually there were carrots, celery, and lots of other yucky vegetables, but there would also be cheddar cheese with Ritz crackers. There were also popcorn balls. A popcorn ball is just that: a ball of popcorn. You mix Karo Syrup with water and food coloring, boil until hard-ball stage (260 degrees F.), which is between soft ball and soft crack on a cooking thermometer, then pour over the popcorn and shape it into little balls.
The living room was where the adults would hang out. Uncle Jody would always ask about my grades. Aunt Kathy would comment on how much I'd grown (Aunt Kathy was roughly the size of a dwarf, so I was always taller than her anyway) and the dull roar of adult chatting and laughter congested the air.
To retreat from the madness, I would shoot down the fuzzy orange stairs to the basement. The kids congregated here after tearing away from the poking, prodding adults. The dim lights, musty smell and cold, concrete floor created more of a dungeon atmosphere, but that didn't break our spirits. We would engage in epic battles of pool and Monopoly, as well as the arcade game, Mr. Digg. The reserve snacks and pop were in the basement, too. I didn't go upstairs except for dinner food and Santa.
Dinner consisted of juicy ham, lumpy mashed potatoes, fresh corn, biscuits and all the pop we could drink. Santa would show up soon after the meal and hand out gifts. we got to sit on Santa's lap and get our picture taken with him. Santa would bring each kid a gift and we would all open them and compare them with the other gifts.
It always seemed that just when we were starting to have the most fun, it was time to go home. It was sad to leave, but happy because we knew that we were going home to bed and wake up to a tree overflowing with gifts! On the ride home, we would always see a tiny, red light off in the distance. Mom and Dad said that it was the nose of Rudolph the Red-Nosed reindeer, and that we had to hurry home and get to bed so Santa wouldn't bypass our house. Later on, I learned that the light was actually from a radio tower. I've grown up a little bit since those magic Christmas Eve nights, but I will always cherish those popcorn balls, Mr. Digg, and Rudolph the Red-Nosed Radio tower.
Tomorrow, I tear the roof off of health "information". I think you'll love it.
We would knock on the door around 4 o'clock. The laundry room was the first room in the house. The faint aroma of baked ham and scalloped potatoes mixed with the odor of Tide and driveway dirt filled the air. The outside chill met the warmth of the furnace head on. Waves of cousins would run out and give us big bear hugs.
As we made our way through the kitchen to the living room, I would always make sure to grab a snack. Usually there were carrots, celery, and lots of other yucky vegetables, but there would also be cheddar cheese with Ritz crackers. There were also popcorn balls. A popcorn ball is just that: a ball of popcorn. You mix Karo Syrup with water and food coloring, boil until hard-ball stage (260 degrees F.), which is between soft ball and soft crack on a cooking thermometer, then pour over the popcorn and shape it into little balls.
The living room was where the adults would hang out. Uncle Jody would always ask about my grades. Aunt Kathy would comment on how much I'd grown (Aunt Kathy was roughly the size of a dwarf, so I was always taller than her anyway) and the dull roar of adult chatting and laughter congested the air.
To retreat from the madness, I would shoot down the fuzzy orange stairs to the basement. The kids congregated here after tearing away from the poking, prodding adults. The dim lights, musty smell and cold, concrete floor created more of a dungeon atmosphere, but that didn't break our spirits. We would engage in epic battles of pool and Monopoly, as well as the arcade game, Mr. Digg. The reserve snacks and pop were in the basement, too. I didn't go upstairs except for dinner food and Santa.
Dinner consisted of juicy ham, lumpy mashed potatoes, fresh corn, biscuits and all the pop we could drink. Santa would show up soon after the meal and hand out gifts. we got to sit on Santa's lap and get our picture taken with him. Santa would bring each kid a gift and we would all open them and compare them with the other gifts.
It always seemed that just when we were starting to have the most fun, it was time to go home. It was sad to leave, but happy because we knew that we were going home to bed and wake up to a tree overflowing with gifts! On the ride home, we would always see a tiny, red light off in the distance. Mom and Dad said that it was the nose of Rudolph the Red-Nosed reindeer, and that we had to hurry home and get to bed so Santa wouldn't bypass our house. Later on, I learned that the light was actually from a radio tower. I've grown up a little bit since those magic Christmas Eve nights, but I will always cherish those popcorn balls, Mr. Digg, and Rudolph the Red-Nosed Radio tower.
Tomorrow, I tear the roof off of health "information". I think you'll love it.
Thursday, January 6, 2011
New Template (or...this isn't filler, I swear! Well, maybe a little filler)
I have to be honest- this post is sort of just a 'hey, I told them I would blog every day, and I don't have anything to say, but I'm not about to lose my goal in the first week of the new year, so I'm going to just throw any old thing on here' post. Don't worry- I'll make it worth your while (of course, after that inspirational beginning, if you stop reading here, then I don't blame you).
I've been thinking about changing the background template to my blog. I know, I know- change is hard, and I've had this template forever since 2008.
This is not a decision that I enter into lightly. I've seen the fallout from websites switching template designs on other sites (Facebook, HCRealms) to know that this is not something to tread into lightly. People's lives are at stake, man.
However, I also know that there is an entire world of unexplored template designs out there. When I designed this blog, I basically picked the default one and went with that. But now that we've been together for a while...I'm starting to get that wandering eye. I visit other people's blogs and come back to mine feeling like the thrill is gone.
I'm thankful for all the contributions that my template has made. It's been there, and has been so visually unappealing that it has forced people that stumble on my site to actually look at the words that I type. And to that, I am very grateful. But now, it's time to move on. It's time for me to test the merit waters with my writing boat and idea oars. Basically, I can no longer ride on the coattails of a lame blog template and mediocre writing.
Other than filler purposes, the only point to this blog is to let you know that change is coming. Unless you have an Internet Interior Design degree (or have spent time with Tim Gunn), then I'm sure you're just as clueless as I am- and I am way too stubborn and hardheaded to take advice from my peer group. Look for a change coming...and soon.
I've been thinking about changing the background template to my blog. I know, I know- change is hard, and I've had this template forever since 2008.
This is not a decision that I enter into lightly. I've seen the fallout from websites switching template designs on other sites (Facebook, HCRealms) to know that this is not something to tread into lightly. People's lives are at stake, man.
However, I also know that there is an entire world of unexplored template designs out there. When I designed this blog, I basically picked the default one and went with that. But now that we've been together for a while...I'm starting to get that wandering eye. I visit other people's blogs and come back to mine feeling like the thrill is gone.
I'm thankful for all the contributions that my template has made. It's been there, and has been so visually unappealing that it has forced people that stumble on my site to actually look at the words that I type. And to that, I am very grateful. But now, it's time to move on. It's time for me to test the merit waters with my writing boat and idea oars. Basically, I can no longer ride on the coattails of a lame blog template and mediocre writing.
Other than filler purposes, the only point to this blog is to let you know that change is coming. Unless you have an Internet Interior Design degree (or have spent time with Tim Gunn), then I'm sure you're just as clueless as I am- and I am way too stubborn and hardheaded to take advice from my peer group. Look for a change coming...and soon.
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
My initial foray into grad school searching- or also, how I was attacked by ninja pirates
I'm sorry Bible, but I have seen the light, and I believe in evolution. I just have to- because it's the only explanation for how those graduate school admission workers descended directly from Velociraptors.
Tim....Tim....Don't do it! Just keep your Bachelors degree and spend the rest of your life underemployed!!!
Assuming that my shocking opening paragraph and stunning visual aid did their job, a bit of background info is probably in order- I graduated from college back in May with a degree in Social Work. In August, my wife started back to school working towards her undergraduate degree in Music Education- relegating me to stay-at-home dad duty and part time employment. Which is fine by me- I get to see my kids, hang out, and set ridiculous goals like blogging every day.
My part time job is at a local Christian school, running an after school program. Working in a school district has been a lot of fun. While I am acutely aware that this job is not all that indicative of the actual experience of working in a school, I can definitely see myself working in a school setting when Sara has graduated and I am able to move onto a "real" (read: full-time) job. I enjoy the setting- and the thought of weekends, holidays, and summers off would be totally off the hook. Yo.
So anyways, I was doing some preliminary (as in, not anytime in the near future) checking into the educational requirements to be a guidance counselor. I found out that a Bachelor of Social Work degree is a no go- you need a Master's level degree with a School Counseling emphasis. However, I have never been one to easily give up. That is, if you don't count the times I have easily given up.
I got on the computer, and went investigating (actually, I went to work and left some tabs open and then got on the computer after work over a nice hot 10 piece nugget and medium fry...with Egg Nog shake). First, I checked on the websites of a couple of in-state schools (Western and MSU). The Michigan State website had some fancy little blurb that indicated they were killing their program (when 'moratorium', 'discontinuation' and 'no new students are being admitted to the program' are on the front page of your on-line brochure, I think it's safe to call off the search), and I wasn't feeling too much like snooping around on the Western page. So I started checking into on-line schools.
Apparently, on-line schools use the money they aren't paying for a physical location to hire guys like Dogg the Bounty Hunter, Bobba Fett, or James Vampire. I mean, seriously- I felt like I just mentioned Blackbriar on the phone, they were on me so fast.
Hello...why yes, I requested information from a grad school. Wait, what? Step away from the window?
The first university (which I won't mention by name becuse I'm like 100% sure that they have tracking technology that could take me out the second my fingers brushed the keys) called me literally within 2 minutes of submitting my request for information. That's right- I wasn't applying- I was just asking for more information (never mind the fact that I said it would be most convenient to call me in the morning). I don't even want to know how these guys work with applications- will I be on my way out the door to mail my app, only to be greeted by Agent K?
Within 20 minutes of sending out a handful of e-information requests, I had 7 e-mails and 4 phone calls (in fairness, I'm assuming that 2 of them were, because I didn't answer the phone). I'm starting to think I may have made a mistake- but unfortunately, I've obviously put myself on "The Radar"...and if I try to back out now, I might just get erased from existence.
Where from here? Well, I'll await the information they send me, look it over, talk it over with my wife...and then wait 2 years until we can actually do something about it. Of course, by then there's a good chance that I will have been kidnapped and mindwiped. By the Graduate-program mind-reading CIA ninjas.
Tim....Tim....Don't do it! Just keep your Bachelors degree and spend the rest of your life underemployed!!!
Assuming that my shocking opening paragraph and stunning visual aid did their job, a bit of background info is probably in order- I graduated from college back in May with a degree in Social Work. In August, my wife started back to school working towards her undergraduate degree in Music Education- relegating me to stay-at-home dad duty and part time employment. Which is fine by me- I get to see my kids, hang out, and set ridiculous goals like blogging every day.
My part time job is at a local Christian school, running an after school program. Working in a school district has been a lot of fun. While I am acutely aware that this job is not all that indicative of the actual experience of working in a school, I can definitely see myself working in a school setting when Sara has graduated and I am able to move onto a "real" (read: full-time) job. I enjoy the setting- and the thought of weekends, holidays, and summers off would be totally off the hook. Yo.
So anyways, I was doing some preliminary (as in, not anytime in the near future) checking into the educational requirements to be a guidance counselor. I found out that a Bachelor of Social Work degree is a no go- you need a Master's level degree with a School Counseling emphasis. However, I have never been one to easily give up. That is, if you don't count the times I have easily given up.
I got on the computer, and went investigating (actually, I went to work and left some tabs open and then got on the computer after work over a nice hot 10 piece nugget and medium fry...with Egg Nog shake). First, I checked on the websites of a couple of in-state schools (Western and MSU). The Michigan State website had some fancy little blurb that indicated they were killing their program (when 'moratorium', 'discontinuation' and 'no new students are being admitted to the program' are on the front page of your on-line brochure, I think it's safe to call off the search), and I wasn't feeling too much like snooping around on the Western page. So I started checking into on-line schools.
Apparently, on-line schools use the money they aren't paying for a physical location to hire guys like Dogg the Bounty Hunter, Bobba Fett, or James Vampire. I mean, seriously- I felt like I just mentioned Blackbriar on the phone, they were on me so fast.
Hello...why yes, I requested information from a grad school. Wait, what? Step away from the window?
The first university (which I won't mention by name becuse I'm like 100% sure that they have tracking technology that could take me out the second my fingers brushed the keys) called me literally within 2 minutes of submitting my request for information. That's right- I wasn't applying- I was just asking for more information (never mind the fact that I said it would be most convenient to call me in the morning). I don't even want to know how these guys work with applications- will I be on my way out the door to mail my app, only to be greeted by Agent K?
Within 20 minutes of sending out a handful of e-information requests, I had 7 e-mails and 4 phone calls (in fairness, I'm assuming that 2 of them were, because I didn't answer the phone). I'm starting to think I may have made a mistake- but unfortunately, I've obviously put myself on "The Radar"...and if I try to back out now, I might just get erased from existence.
Where from here? Well, I'll await the information they send me, look it over, talk it over with my wife...and then wait 2 years until we can actually do something about it. Of course, by then there's a good chance that I will have been kidnapped and mindwiped. By the Graduate-program mind-reading CIA ninjas.
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
Don't get mad...unless it immediately involves getting libs.
If you know me or just read some of my blogs, you probably know that I have a fascination with language. Words, sentence structure, pronunciation- I wouldn't quite put it at a 'fetish' state- but it's gotta be pretty close.
I don't really remember when it started or how it began (another trivia tidbit about me- I have a horrible memory about certain things), but I would be very willing to be that Mad Libs played a pretty important role.
Mad Libs is a word game in which a story of some sort is given to you with some key words left out. It can be played by an individual, although it is infinitely more fun in larger groups. Your job is to fill in the missing words according to which part of speech it is (noun, adjective, adverb, etc.). On the surface, this might seem to be like a waste of time.
Where the hours of wacky fun come into play, however, is that this is a blind exercise- that is, the people that are offering you the different words have no idea what the context of the story is. It could literally be anything- from a movie quiz to a letter to a jilted lover, to a famous presidential address- you just don't know until the reader plugs your words in and reads it to the group.
At a rate of about one in a million, someone will suggest a word that actually fits in the context of the story. Sometimes there are things that just don't fit well, and tend to kill a little bit of the moment. Often times there is ridiculous silliness that invokes laughter- and other times, you dig up comedy gold. "I wouldn't trade that for all the saliva in China"- there is an infinite amount of crazy good times in each booklet of Mad Libs!
Each person has their own style and way of having fun. A couple of tricks that I have up my sleeve:
-Bodily functions, parts, and fluids- Hey, we're all adults here. So we can speak freely and honestly. And the truth is, gas is funny. Oh sure, we tell little kids that it's not- but that's just because we want to control them. But farting, burping, stomach gurgling, bile, pee, snot, penis- they all are pretty much guaranteed laugh getters in Mad Libs.
-Chuck Norris serves very well as a Famous Person, Celebrity, Male Celebrity, Politician, Athlete, and Person in Room. Just saying.
-I am a huge fan of the Word Stack. Usually I add an adjective with a noun, but there are many combos (adjective-adjective, noun noun, adverb noun, etc.). For example, 'Abe Lincoln' becomes 'Fabulous Abe Lincoln'. 'Death' is now 'Death via Roundhouse Kick'. Those sorts of things.
-Finally, I enjoy messing with the parts of speech. Don't tell me that 'fart' is not an adjective- because that is my choice for adjective. You plug it in there- just trust me. Using proper nouns (names or places) as regular nouns, people as places, nouns as adjectives- the list goes on. One time, while playing Mad Libs at a family camping trip, we made 'awesome' into a verb, and then spent the rest of the time awesoming.
I don't get paid by Mad Libs- so you can wholly trust me when I say that your life is not complete unless you have a contingent of Mad Libs at your disposal. Mad Libs will solve all your problems. It will end global warming, the economic crisis, and war as we know it. Are you looking for a significant other? Get some Mad Libs. Unemployed? Mad Libs. Stuck on the john and out of toilet paper? Mad Libs.
Simply put- Mad Libs: Get Some.
I don't really remember when it started or how it began (another trivia tidbit about me- I have a horrible memory about certain things), but I would be very willing to be that Mad Libs played a pretty important role.
Mad Libs is a word game in which a story of some sort is given to you with some key words left out. It can be played by an individual, although it is infinitely more fun in larger groups. Your job is to fill in the missing words according to which part of speech it is (noun, adjective, adverb, etc.). On the surface, this might seem to be like a waste of time.
Where the hours of wacky fun come into play, however, is that this is a blind exercise- that is, the people that are offering you the different words have no idea what the context of the story is. It could literally be anything- from a movie quiz to a letter to a jilted lover, to a famous presidential address- you just don't know until the reader plugs your words in and reads it to the group.
At a rate of about one in a million, someone will suggest a word that actually fits in the context of the story. Sometimes there are things that just don't fit well, and tend to kill a little bit of the moment. Often times there is ridiculous silliness that invokes laughter- and other times, you dig up comedy gold. "I wouldn't trade that for all the saliva in China"- there is an infinite amount of crazy good times in each booklet of Mad Libs!
Each person has their own style and way of having fun. A couple of tricks that I have up my sleeve:
-Bodily functions, parts, and fluids- Hey, we're all adults here. So we can speak freely and honestly. And the truth is, gas is funny. Oh sure, we tell little kids that it's not- but that's just because we want to control them. But farting, burping, stomach gurgling, bile, pee, snot, penis- they all are pretty much guaranteed laugh getters in Mad Libs.
-Chuck Norris serves very well as a Famous Person, Celebrity, Male Celebrity, Politician, Athlete, and Person in Room. Just saying.
-I am a huge fan of the Word Stack. Usually I add an adjective with a noun, but there are many combos (adjective-adjective, noun noun, adverb noun, etc.). For example, 'Abe Lincoln' becomes 'Fabulous Abe Lincoln'. 'Death' is now 'Death via Roundhouse Kick'. Those sorts of things.
-Finally, I enjoy messing with the parts of speech. Don't tell me that 'fart' is not an adjective- because that is my choice for adjective. You plug it in there- just trust me. Using proper nouns (names or places) as regular nouns, people as places, nouns as adjectives- the list goes on. One time, while playing Mad Libs at a family camping trip, we made 'awesome' into a verb, and then spent the rest of the time awesoming.
I don't get paid by Mad Libs- so you can wholly trust me when I say that your life is not complete unless you have a contingent of Mad Libs at your disposal. Mad Libs will solve all your problems. It will end global warming, the economic crisis, and war as we know it. Are you looking for a significant other? Get some Mad Libs. Unemployed? Mad Libs. Stuck on the john and out of toilet paper? Mad Libs.
Simply put- Mad Libs: Get Some.
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