Stay at home dad

First of all- news. I have some news. I'd say exciting, but it might not be exciting to everyone. I mean, it's not like a pregnancy thing, or a lotto winning kind of thing. It's more of a 'I got a new job' type of news update. And the update is- I got a new job! Whew- that really was exciting, wasn't it? How I kept you on the edge of your seat, begging and pining for more?

I'm going to be heading up an after school program at a local Christian school. I'm excited about this opportunity for a few reasons- it's part time, works wonderfully with Sara's schedule, gives me weekends/holidays off...I think it's going to be a good opportunity for me individually and the Parks family corporately.

Now that I have the news out of the way, I can get down to the nitty gritty- blog post. I am writing a blog post! And guess what? You're reading it!

Tomorrow starts a new season of life for me (again)- the Stay-at-home dad season. I've done this before- but not for this long- a few months while Sara worked at Target. This time? Sara has at least 2 more years of school...and I have-0. That's right, I graduated college. Woot woot! So now there is no good built in excuse for me to not be a Stay-at-home dad. Not that I want an excuse- I love my children, and we've been adamant about (and fortunate to be able to) not having to rely on daycare for significant chunks of time. Some people need to- and that's fine. For them. We want to raise our children. We want to spend as much time with them as we can, especially in these very tender and formative years. I don't want to wonder where the heck my kid learned that- I want to be able to teach them. More on this later.

It's weird to think about having a college degree and not working in my field- in a 'job'. After all, that's what's expected, isn't it- to get out there and bring home the bacon? I get my education, get my job, get my bread, and come home and watch football while my wife stays at home with our 2.5 children and makes dinner and does the dishes and cleans the house?

But then, these silly gender roles are actually very powerful, because they become so ingrained in us that we slide into auto-pilot mode and just assume that they are true, because they always have been. So it isn't any stretch to see why my thoughts are really a big deal.

Things are starting to change, of course. It is much more common nowadays for a woman to go to college and enter the professional world- whether or not she has a family/children. It is becoming more acceptable, and I'm totally fine with that. Why should men have a monopoly on the career life?

But what about the reverse? What about a man (a college degree no less) being a stay at home dad? Hmmmm...that's not as easy of a sell.

Sara and I were talking about this today, on the way home from dropping the kids off with the grandparents for the afternoon. This summer was crazy, busy, stressful- for so many reasons. But one of the things that was going on was that Sara was in an opera. And on Friday, I got to take the kids to it. It was, in a word, incredible. It was incredible because of everybody and their role in it, of course- but also, it was incredible to see what sorts of things my wife is capable of doing in her own 'field'.

I think that there might be people that think being a stay at home dad would be to waste my gifts, my potential, my God-given talents- but you know what? Maybe that would be the right thing to do. See I'm not the only one in this family with talent- watching my wife up on that stage, it was like I was gazing onto a living memento of what she is meant to be. I don't want to speak for her or put words in her mouth, but watching her do the theatre thing- well, it was special to say the least.

Besides- I'm not wasting my gifts. In fact, this spell could very well be what I need to continue hone my gifts. I'm starting to get my focus back- my thirst for knowledge is returning, and I'm writing again. My gifts are just fine- they aren't going anywhere.

Plus- and this is the biggy- I'll have more time to spend with my children- passing on the knowledge that I've gained to the next generation. Not that I think that I am this mysterious wise sage or anything like that- after all, I'm not this guy. But I like to think that I have some solid wisdom that I can pass on to my children. Besides- better me teaching my kids than this guy. Or that guy. Or even that guy.

Rip Van Winkle

Whoa- has it been a month since I last posted my thoughts to the world? What a sad thing- to know that over 31 days have past, and I have not spent a single moment writing a single word on this digital projection of myself?

What could have possibly happened to make this so? I honestly wish that I had more in me- more desire to read, to write, to ponder and think and invent and solve. Maybe in the next couple weeks I can find it in myself to make that happen. I hate to blame an outside source, but my impending ending employment will probably help in a lot of ways.

What? You haven't heard? Why yes, it's true. The job that mere months ago I was touting as a harbinger of a better Jason has, in fact, stuck its fangs into my neck and sucked out the life of me. I am torn, and shattered, and feeling a little defenseless. On the other side, I know that I will still learn, and still grow, and that many of the things that I wrote about will come to pass- but right now, it is not that time.

I have realistically been just surviving- well, that is not entirely true. I have spent many moments of enjoyment with my wife and children. I have laughed. I have spent time with Lake Superior.

But the things that I have wanted to so desperately do- reading and writing and pondering, and all those sorts of things? I have not found time for them. Well, that, and I have not made time for them.

All of the strength and confidence of my graduation has drizzled away- I stand here a fragile and flimsy soul. I know that I am only a short breath away from being whole again- but it is so hard to breathe!

I shan't tarry long, because I see this note spiraling down into a sadder state than I thought. In reality, this moment calls for celebration. I have, in the past days, taken steps to reclaim myself. This process will not be easy, nor short, but I know what is in me, and who is with me. In the coming weeks, I hope to set myself right again. Until then, if you are reading this, then I thank you for taking the time. I'm sorry it is not more than it is. It will be, and sooner than I imagine...but right now is not then. And so I slink off to the comforts of mindless internet surfing and video game playing...