We're not friends anymore (if we ever were)

Well, it's officially that time of year again- Spring.  The time of year traditionally associated with cleaning.  And, since I really don't clean, I sate my biologically driven nesting urges with something a bit more 21st century- weeding out my Facebook friends list.

Sadly yes, folks, it's true- being my friend on Facebook is not 'til death do us part' enterprise.  Once we enter into a Facebook relationship, there is no guarantee that I will abstain from going through my friends list and just dropping fools like dope rhymes.

Yo

Lest you think I am a cold-hearted killer, I want you to know that this was not an easy venture for me.  Anyone who could be eliminated easily is already gone.  Presently, however, I can pretty much look at every name on the list and rationalize them sticking around.  It's probably a good thing I'm not leading a group of survivors during the zombie apocalypse. 

Then again...

Before the chop shop, I was sitting cozy at about 350 friends, which is a decent amount (although nowhere near as high as the lists of some people.  Seriously, how do you even know 1,000+ people?), especially since I pretty much will only be Facebook friends with people who I have at least been friendly with in the past (other than that time when I was playing Madden on Facebook and took in a whole bunch of strangers).  Maybe it was that we hung out a few times, or possibly I worked with you. Perhaps we played together in a band, or on the court. Whatever the case, there was some point when our lives intersected and I thought 'what a nice person- I sure would like to stalk their photos get to know them better'.

But just as a smile from a girl does not mean that she wants to sleep with you (Oh, sorry- spoiler alert to all my teenage boy readers), some fun times are not a compelling reason to keep the fires of friendship burning.  So in the end, 50 people had to go. 50 dreams had to die so that my Facebook friends list could maintain its vibrancy.  Let's take a moment to remember the lives of those Facebook relationshipsOkay, moment's over.

THE PART WHERE I TELL YOU HOW I DID IT

The last time I thinned out the herd, my main deciding factor was my willingness to wish them a happy birthday when prompted by Facebook.  If I took the time, you were in.  If I didn't really care- boom.  You were gone.

Boom

Since then, I have realized that I often ignore Facebook birthday prompts even for people I would genuinely like to wish a happy birthday to, so I had to come up with something else. 

I'd love to sit here and tell you I designed this amazingly awesome formula relying on algorhythms and ratio of likes to comments divided by mutual friends- but that would be something of substance and would set up expectations...and I'm not really ready to go there.  I want you to think I'm stupid so that when I do something not-stupid, you're amazed and give me positive feedback.  Sort of like getting M&M's for going on the potty.

Basically what I did was I went through and figured out why I was friends with somebody, and if it wasn't because we had interacted recently/often or related (or some mystery category that I won't tell you because I'm trying to build suspense for the sequel), then you were probably going to get the axe.  Especially if you fell into one of these categories (Note: Everybody that got cut fell into one of these categories). 

1) We went to high school together.  In a few years, this category will probably be 'We Went To College Together'.  When I first got on Facebook, I wanted to find as many people from high school as I could- not because I missed them or because we were great friends in the first place.  It was pretty much just a relentless sense of curiosity.  'Oh, I wonder how so-and-so is doing'.  'Hmmm, I wonder if blank is married'.  Or, 'Hey, X still owes me money'. 

What I found once I became friends with those people is that after a few initial pleasantries and having all of my questions answered, we almost immediately went back to our previous level of relationshipping- zero. 

See, the reason why I had to wonder what those people were up to is we never communicated after high school.  No phone calls.  No letters.  No e-mails.  Nary even a seance.  Our paths parted, and that was it.  So while I appreciate Facebook helping me to satisfy my thirst for knowledge, I disdain it for making me feel like there was some sort of magical connection between me and some people who I happened to share a geographical boundary with during the formative years of my life than there already wasn't.

2) Savior complex.  This is probably a terrible thing to say, but honestly some of my Facebook friends...well, they were my friends because I felt bad for them.  And maybe that's an altruistic approach- but maybe it's the sign of a real jerk-face.  I don't know.  I've definitely thought about deleting them in the past, but every time I went to delete them, I thought 'awww but they probably don't have any other friends'.  I think this is the same part of the brain that makes people want to keep cats as pets.

Unfortunately, this isn't really a healthy approach to a relationship (Oh, sorry- spoiler alert to everybody).  If you enter into a friendship with such unequal footing, it will probably never develop into an authentic human relationship.  And I'm all about authentic human relationships.  Starting now.

3) People on the extremes of belief.  Many people I know are reasonable people who can look at situations and see the merit in multiple points of view and then make educated decisions for themselves.  I enjoy conversing with these kinds of people.  Not all people can do that though- at least not on Facebook.  However, I didn't eliminate all extremists because extremism in moderation can help you better understand the world around you.  Indeed, the words of the extreme are like a blanket to a baby, if the blanket was also an electrified barbed wire fence.


4) Blog exposure.  This probably seems quite narcissistic, but if you've been here before than surely you know that is sort of my 'thing'.  Besides, can you blame me?  In this day and age, it's all about self-promotion and self-aggrandizement.  What, are people just supposed to judge me based on what I do?  That seems awful petty, don't you think?

But as I press on and on, I realize that I'm not soon to be on the cusp of fame.  I'm not just about to break through.  There are no roles coming up that will launch me into stardom.  I don't have time to devote to being a famous blogger.  I am too busy being a husband/father/provider/Dragonborn. 



WHAT ELSE DO YOU PEOPLE WANT FROM ME??????

So really there's no reason to keep stringing people along, pretending to be their Facebook friend (which is kind of like pretending to be a pretend friend) just so that they might see me post a link to my blog.  They'll have to find my blog the same way the rest of the world does- divine intervention.

And that, kids, is the story of how I whittled my Facebook friends list from 350 to 300.  The end.

(For now)

PICS:

Gangsta- http://www.byroncrawford.com/images/nygun.jpg 

Rick- http://blogs.amctv.com/the-walking-dead/Andrew-Lincoln-V2-325.jpg
Volcano- http://www.layoutsparks.com/1/43552/Boom-fire-volcano-layout.html
Dragonborn-https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhvpS9qnR_KZq1p4I6ybq7AxBHjW6QuysaMKWIwTDs3dQd8SLVIUywSFQ6MHLV4aTGC83tLlZdK2jAIsI-XNzhBDpvT2N2NzM7fbns2TZj684JgsjB6cmDfyvSqYj6B-qMnfEfA1F0rIeo/s1600/Skyrim+Dragonborn+Dragon+Shout.png

I've had it with these mother-effin snakes on this mother-effin island

Today is St. Patrick's Day.  That's pretty much apparent to everyone, what with all of the green attire, faux Irish people, and expensiver colored beer going on.  What is perhaps less certain is my motivation for writing on this day as opposed to other, different days that I did not write on.

Simply put, I was struck by inspiration this morning.  Actually, I was struck by hot water in the shower, but some of that water obviously morphed into liquid inspiration, infiltrated my ear canals, wove its way into my brain and somehow penetrated the Great Matrix and became one with my soul.  I became like the Avatar Of Whatever I Am Going To Now Start Writing.  Even now, I can feel the pulsing of your anticipation and hear the heavy breathing of curiosity in lieu of my awesome intro- so I shall ease your suffering and immediately "get in the zone".

So I had a random thought the other day about God, and I'll be the first to admit that it isn't the most well-thought out and researched thought, but I had it and I'm running on liquid inspiration, so anyways the thought was, why does faith have such a huge focus on proselytization?  Why is getting the word out such a big deal?  I know, I know, it's a commandment- but why?  Shouldn't it just be that God is, like, so big and huge that everybody already knows and rebellion is then a blatantly stupid choice that some people make?

(Just so you know, I'm not going to be answering this question, or any other questions, about God in this post.  So if you came here searching for wisdom, you might just want to hit the 'next blog' button there at the top, although I think it's algorithmically engineered to give you a random blog, so you should probably just stay here anyways in case you go do an even dumber blog)

Please don't misunderstand- it's not that I'm opposed to the idea of evangelism.  The essence of evangelism is telling someone something they don't know that you think they should know.  Nothing wrong with that- in moderation. 

Think of everything you've ever learned, ever.  You were, at one time, ignorant of your non-learningness and needed to be shown the light by someone with greater wisdom and knowledge than you.  It's how we learn to speak, and write, and use the bathroom.  All throughout our lives, we're learning and growing and much of that information has to come from outside sources who had some sort of passion or urge to help us improve the quality of our lives (although with toilet training, the motives are much less altruistic and more rooted in the mindset of JUST USE THE FREAKING TOILET ALREADY!!!!!). 

While faith evangelism is different in that it's higher up on the hierarchy of needs, the principle is still sound.  Faith works for many people- it gives them hope, helps them through stressful times, and can provide a built-in sense of community.  In that sense, it's not preposterous to believe that others would want their friends and family to be a part of that.  It's not that simple though. 

The problem is that often evangelism comes from a pre-supposed position of superiority that makes it difficult to relate to other people on a "human" level.  When you meet someone on the uneven playing field of "I already know that what I have to say is true, and it is true because I believe it is true, and therefore nothing you can say will shake my knowledge of the truth of what I say", your victory is assured because either they will see it your way or else they will fall further into their "delusion".  Either way, you've done your "job".

A few years ago, I was studying for an upcoming test in one of the lounge areas on campus when a girl I'd never met came up to me and struck up a conversation.  I instantly pegged her as trying to convert me and sure enough- after a rousing round of small talk, she asked me if I went to church anywhere (a Jesus and Bible believing church, to be sure).  I assured her I did, and after a few minutes of this (and also making sure that my sister's mission trip to Thailand was under the auspices of the Bible-believing Jesus banner), she left, and I resumed my studying.  She probably felt further emboldened in her faith by approaching such an intimidating stranger ('sup)- and I felt a sort of sadness at the death of what could have been a real human moment.

See what bothers me about that whole interaction is that I pegged it from the beginning.  Sure, I could go off on a separate post about the human distance in our society, and how we are becoming increasingly absorbed into our own little worlds and more detached from the lives of others- but the liquid inspiration is almost gone.  Some of you might even say it never quite 'took'.  Po-TAY-toes, po-TAH-toes.  But after the whole ordeal was done I felt like I was a statistic.  I felt like, to this girl, I was not a fellow person to interact with; rather, that I was some sort of spiritual trophy to be taken and adorned on a belt full of other "lost" souls that she had won. 

So as we celebrate the life of a man who brought Christianity to a nation of people who may or may not have been receptive to it, let's remember to respect the life story that each of us has embarked on.  I'm not saying that experience=truth, I'm saying that they have just as much right to believe what they believe as you, that they probably have as many sufficient reasons for those beliefs as you do yours, and if you engage people in relationships that are built upon converting them onto the trophy case...then you might have missed the main message of whatever faith you converted them to in the first place.

Another non-update update

I was going to write today.  Really, I was.  I had the best intentions...but really I didn't even get that far.  I'm so tired.  I have fleeting moments of inspiration, brief flashes of noteworthy thought...and then it's gone.  Only 3 more weeks until Spring Break- Lord knows I need it!  In the meantime I press on, waking up every day when my alarm clock tells me to, because that's what I have to do for my family right now.