From the archives: Maybe YOU'LL think next time before you write a song about destruction of property

Note: I realize this song has been out for over five years, but I heard it on the radio this morning and realized I had never shared my thoughts about it with the world.  So, um, here they are.  In make-believe form.

To: Carrie Underwood
RE: Before He Cheats

Dear Carrie,

Recently the production team at Arista Nashville flagged one of your songs ( 'Before he cheats' ) and brought it to my attention.  As your legal advisor, I have to tell you that I have reviewed the song and my legal advice for you is: DO NOT RELEASE IT.

I acknowledge that this may not be easy for you to hear.  Let me just say that I can understand the pain of being in a relationship where one person is unfaithful.  I've watched a lot of soap operas.  TONS.  But this isn't about me.  It's about you and your broken heart.  It's about empty promises and shattered trust, and your feelings of helplessness and lack of recourse.

But more than that, it's about WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU THINKING?????  ARE YOU INSANE???  Maybe he'll think next time he cheats?  How about 'Maybe I'll think next time I decide to engage in blatantly criminal actions'.  Because right now, the only person who needs a preventative prompt for their behavior is you. 

You see, Carrie, (and this is sort of huge)...we still don't know for sure that he cheated! All we have as evidence is your declaration of jilted feelings! Is there more to the story here? Did he come home late from work one night? Did you see a mysterious number on the caller ID? Did he buy you $4 diamond million ring out of the blue?  What are we going on here?  Where's your smoking gun?

It seems that your whole premise is based on some loose theories and conjectures.  Let me tell you what we know for sure: He's "probably" slow dancing with a bleached-blond tramp (nothing wrong with being a bleached blond tramp, by the way), she's "probably" getting frisky,  RIGHT NOW he's "probably" buying her some fruity little drink.  Have you ever seen Law and Order?  None of this is admissible as evidence.  As my good friend Yoda would say, "A case have not, you do".

I'm not trying to say he didn't cheat.  You don't strike me as the type of lady who would lie to millions of country music fans.  It's just...well, this really feels like a preemptive blow.  Like you're a freaking sociopath or something.  Honestly, from all that you've given us to go on, I imagine this guy is probably just too good to be true and you've been hurt before and so rather than wait around to get hurt again, you push him away...by jacking up his SUV and then cashing in your 'jilted lover' story to make a quick buck. 

Carrie, you're obviously very beautiful and very talented- but if I have to explain to you why you don't accuse someone of doing something they haven't done, vandalize the crap out of their car, and then sing about it on the radio...well, we might be looking at the end of your music career.  Or music immortality, I still haven't figured out how you can tell the difference. 

Maybe in the future you should try open and honest communication (or communication of any kind).  Maybe try journaling or find some professional help.  Because it seems like this whole thing was just a big misunderstanding.  I'll bet if he came home late, it's because he had to, you know, work late.  And the mysterious number was likely just a creditor calling because he just wrecked his credit by buying you a $4 million diamond ring.   

Regardless, it shouldn't take him too long to figure out who did this- you did carve your name into the seat and then write a song about it.  Unless he is a moron, in which case I can refer you to a dating adviser.  

In the future, I think you should try to write more songs about Jesus and His driving skills.  THAT song gave me warm fuzzies.  And hey kid, try to lighten up.  At least your ex wasn't some overrated playoff choking quarterback or something. 

Because I totally could have got behind that misdemeanor.

Reluctantly preparing for your legal defense,

Name Withheld



Pic- http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tony_Romo

Again with the anecdotes!

I saw this picture making the rounds on Facebook today, and I have to say that I'm not impressed.  Not that I'm going to tell anyone that Occupy Wallstreet is 100% right and you should have to believe in it in order to be American- that'd be UnAmer'cun.  And I certainly don't want to come across as being disrespectful to a soldier- I can only imagine how much hard work and sacrifice that dude had to make to even be a soldier, let alone the job related hazards he has to put up with.

But this picture is just a snapshot of everything that's wrong with the United States of America today.  Let me 'splain.

To me, this picture symbolizes how divided we are as a society.  Blame it on politics, religion, talk radio, or whatever, but it's painfully apparent that we are no longer 'one nation', under God or otherwise.  It's no wonder that with such an atmosphere of mistrust and division, we can't even decide on something simple like an economic protest.

Playing a significant role is the underlying values that our country was founded on.  Values are not just good deals at Wal-Mart- they define the very rules and laws (written and unspoken) our society functions by.  In America, two of the most important values are sticking our noses in other peoples business helping those who are less fortunate and working hard.  Sometimes they work together to make us better people and sometimes they are in conflict.  Unfortunately, the Occupy Wall Street movement has brought their clash to the forefront- and we are all witnesses of one great-big-giant value-cat fight. 

Right now, it looks like Hard Work has Helping the Less Fortunate in a very painful noogie-deathlock.

Never mind that there is room for both philosophies- Occupy Wall Street (OWS) has made the two seem as different as Democrat and Republican.  Which, oddly enough, seems to be the dividing line for this whole mess.  I realize that's a generalization- but think about the last time you heard one of your conservative friends talking about what a good thing OWS is- or the last time a liberal chum decried the lazy poor looking to get an unearned distribution of hard-earned tax payer dollar bills.  It doesn't happen- because we're just stupid sheep, droning along to whatever Pied-Piper tune our news source of choice tells us to drone to.

When I see the picture above (no, not the wrestling chicks- keep going up), it reminds me that the ties that bind are not nearly as strong as the ties that divide.  That picture says to me that anyone who is complaining is a lazy, good-for-nothing because there are jobs all around us- even if all you have to do is become a soldier.  It says that the 99% movement is just made up of lazy, freeloading, couch-surfing, feeding-hand-biters.  Well maybe not all of the 99%....but at least, 98% ...of the, um...99%...or is it 99% of the ...99%???  Gah I'm so confused!

Of course, ideological stances aside (because there are legitimate reasons for not wanting to join the military), it's asinine to say that 'Well, because my job is that I'm a soldier that means that no one else has a right to complain/accept government handouts because they should just all be soldiers if they can't find a job'.  That's not an option for everybody.  Some people literally cannot enlist in the Armed Forces for various reasons- and some of them aren't even moral failings! 

This picture is just another reminder that many Americans still operate under the auspices of the 'Pull yourself up by your bootstraps' philosophy that blatantly ignores a couple centuries of every 'ism' you can imagine.  Problem- not everyone has bootstraps.  And even those of us with bootstraps might not be able to pull ourselves up by our bootstraps.  But still, many operate under the idea that 'if I can do it, so can everybody else'.  That attitude is to empathy like Kim Kardashian is to 'Death do us part'.

The fact is that just because the Declaration of Independence says that all men are created equal doesn't mean that it is so.  And not all poor people are lazy bums sitting around trying to milk the system.  There are plenty of hard working people making sacrifices that do receive some form of government assistance (terrible, I know) because of the economic reality we live in.  And they still don't have enough to make ends meet.

That's why this picture pisses me off.  It's just another example of someone with a subjective opinion and a successful anecdote getting on the Internet and turning what could be a thoughtful discussion about how to better improve the lives of our poor people into a big-hornets-nest-poking-stick monologue about the evils of socialism.  Too bad that you don't have to walk a mile in someone elses shoes before you can criticize them for shopping at Goodwill.

PICS- Soldier- Find it on Facebook
Catfight- http://dallaspenn.com/pics/albums/backup3/catfight.jpg

The intellectual middleman, or more commonly, What is the point?

Let's take a break from the silly and get down to some business.  Since I can't think of some frilly way to icebreak here, I'll just be blunt- the last couple of weeks, I've really been feeling like I have no purpose. 

I'm not looking for sympathy- so please don't give it.  At least not for a few days.  I apologize if that's harsh.  I'm really struggling right now, and sometimes I feel like people respond with good intentions that end up trivializing pain and invalidating struggle.  The last thing I want is to feel like everything can just be whisked away by a greeting card line or a motivational flip calendar.  If, after a few days, my struggle is still resonating in you, then by all means I want to hear what you have to say.

Like anything in life, there's not just 'one thing' causing me to feel this way.  In fact, it is probably even more complex than how I'm going to characterize it.  But there are a few areas that I'm struggling in, and they're all feeding off of each other to create the monster that is currently my self-esteem.

1) Inadequacy
Lately, I've been feeling as though I don't have a voice.  Not literally- obviously I have a literal voice.  And not so much metaphorically- I mean, I've been writing a lot lately, and by and large my writing has felt pretty good.  But what do I have to say, really?  What sort of contributions to the world at large am I making?  What kind of legacy is being carved out by my words?

I know a lot of what I've been writing has been ridiculous, off-the-wall sorts of things, but I don't think that alone contributes to the feeling.  Besides, humor is an important part of the human experience.  I don't even feel like I've been doing that well lately though.
I've just been feeling this overarching sense of "what is the point?" lately.  I've been trying to read more, and diversify the things I'm reading.  Particularly I've been seeking out blogs and forums of a more intellectual nature.  So I've been coming across a lot people who write like me except they're smarter, funnier, and better writers.  It's like I can feel myself disintegrating into white noise.

I'm starting to feel like I'm in sort of this middle zone- like I'm smart enough to sound kind of smart, but I'm not smart enough to be smart without being exposed as a fraud.  I mean, I know nothing about debating.  Or philosophy.  Or textual criticism.  Basically anything that people do or say or think that makes them really smart, I don't do.  I suppose I could focus on more trendy, pop-culturey things- but I don't do that well, either. 

Ironically, even my belief that each person is worth knowing because of their unique perspective on the human experience isn't enough to lift my spirits.  I honestly feel like I have little of worth to contribute to the human conversation.  The past couple of years have been taken me on a pretty incredible journey of self-discovery.  I find myself thinking about things differently than I did, making all sorts of forward leaps in thinking- and yet  these wonderfully new and exciting ideas that I stumble on have already been discovered.  Just call me Intellectual Chris Columbus. 
I've been asking myself 'what does it matter what I have to say?  What do I really bring to the table'?  And whose table am I bringing it to?  I know that pretty much all of my readers are friends and family.  And I am very thankful for all of you, and for anyone who reads my blog, really.  I just wanted to have a bigger audience and a larger sphere of influence, and I'm starting to feel like I don't have what it takes to get there.  32 might be kind of young to have a mid-life crisis.  But there it is- staring me right in the face.

Maybe this is my lot.  Maybe I'm to be this intellectual middleman, a Wal-Mart of knowledge.  Bringing you virtually brand-name (like) discourse at discount prices.  Someday I might find that to be of some comfort.  Just not right now.

I know part of it is the unrealistic expectations that I have for myself.  But with the way the Internet works, it's not all that unrealistic.  Ideas spread within seconds.  One link on a Facebook wall can find its way around the world in a heartbeat.  That stuff doesn't happen to me.  I get ecstatic if one of my posts gets more than 20 page views. 

2) Insecurity
It's also frustrating to me is that everyone else has it all figured out- or at least they act/talk like it.  No matter what the issue, everyone has taken their stand, and they're all so certain, and...how can you be so certain?  I'm not certain of much anymore.

I'm working on a couple blog posts that I'm afraid of.  I'm afraid because they speak to the way my worldview is changing.  I have different thoughts and ideas about things that I know many people hold dear.  And I'm scared to death to post them.  I'm even afraid to mention here now that I'll be posting them then.  I'm questioning some things that I previously held tightly to, and I'm worried that people will take my questions from my journey and internalize them as an attack on themselves.

I don't want to attack anyone.  These is about me, and my stuff.  This is about me needing to break free from the image that I feel I have misrepresented for awhile.  I need to put myself out there.  But I don't know how the words I say about the thoughts I think will be taken.  And that frightens me to no end.

3) Drowning in routine
Finally, as a stay-at-home dad working part time as a care provider, I'm really struggling with feeling stuck.  I knew that it would be hard when I decided to stay at home so Sara could go back to school.  But I didn't know it would be as hard as it is.  I feel like my life is this Groundhogs Day cycle, over and over and over again.  I want to be learning and growing.  And I have been doing that in part- I just feel like so much of my life is spent watching kids movies, washing dishes, washing laundry, playing with kids toys, picking up kids toys, and escaping into Fantasy Football and video games. 

I'm sorry for griping about it- the simple fact is that I get to spend many hours a day with my children during their most important years.  How amazing!  Soon they'll both be in school full-time and I know I'll miss these moments.  That's another thing that is really tearing me apart.  I feel trapped, so I feel frustrated about that, but then I also feel frustrated about feeling frustrated about feeling trapped.  It's getting to a point where I'm having a hard time enjoying the time I have with my kids, and I hate that.  Hate it.  But I don't know what to do.
I feel like I'm just complaining, and that I should just man-up, or something.  It's part of living in America- I just have to be tougher and work harder I guess.  Sorry that I wore my Debbie-downer hat today.

My wife, the awesome

I had a talk with a friend a couple weeks ago, and he told me he respects Sara and I for how we've been able to raise a family while both attending school.  Because our lives have been (and probably always will be) abnormal, I forget that the typical college student is not married and does not have two children who are five years old and under.  It's easy to lose sight of how well we're doing, and it was timely praise that I was very humbled to hear.  To the folks keeping score at home-  if you have a compliment for someone, then tell them and don't just assume that they see what you see or believe what you believe.

I am not bringing this up to boost my ego- Lord knows I don't need anymore of that action!  Nor am I posting this because I want you to buy my book.  I don't even have a book.  Besides, you already bought it.

No, I want to talk a little bit about how awesome my wife is.  She's probably going to kill me for posting this- and that is one reason why she's awesome.  Seriously though, Sara doesn't get accolades that she deserves.  A big reason for this is that we live in a patriarchal society that general reserves the most praise for tangible, bottom-line driven results.  When raising children, your successes are often unquantifiable.  In business terms, you are pretty much 'operating in the red' for...well, at least the first five years. Maybe longer....

So why is she so awesome?  Well I'm going to tell you.  I'm going to give you a list of reasons why my wife is awesome.  I'm going to use the word 'awesome' so many times that you're going to get sick of it.  You will become numb to the word 'awesome' and it will lose all meaning.  You'll drift through time and space until finally you are reborn as a white wizard- or something.

Yeah, they used to call me Gandalf the Grey...TIL I BECAME GANDALF THE AWESOME

Roll call.  My wife is awesome because:

1. She loves me for who I am and allows me the freedom to explore my boundaries.  I've never felt I had to fit a certain image.  I've never been pressured to be a certain way, or to scale back.  That doesn't mean I haven't changed, and it doesn't mean that she doesn't challenge me on things.  But I've never felt like I had to fit into this box or that demographic.  I've been allowed to explore myself to the very depths of my soul.  I've been able to say things and write things that pushed envelopes- things that have allowed me to discover more about my humanity.  I wouldn't be able to do this without her.
2. My wife is awesome because she's just as open-minded as I am.  We both know that life is complex.  Neither of us has all the answers.  And so we constantly push each other, question each other, and challenge our pre-conceived notions in order to continue our growth as people. 
3. If I can wax a little materialistic here, my last two Christmas presents have been a smart phone and a laptop.  That's fricking awesome.  For my birthday last year she bought me Street Fighter IV and a new PS3 controller.  That's fricking awesomer. 
4. She puts up with me.  As awesome as I am, I'm also not the easiest guy to stomach for long periods of time.  I can be selfish, irritating, and moody.  I tend to zone out on stupid things like the Internet and sports.  Sure, I do things around the house like dishes and laundry- but I pretty much steer clear of cleaning the bathroom and cooking (which, ironically, are two of my favorite places).  Lesser women would not be able to endure the sheer weight of my insufferability or have the patience to stomach my idiosyncrasies.     
5. She is an awesome mom. She's very tender and doting with our kids.  They love it when she comes home from class- their faces light up, the cheer in their voices goes up an octave or two, and they immediately go into hiding (inside story).  They shower her with love when she tries to nap on the couch (sorry hon).  I couldn't ask for a better mother to my children- not publicly, anyways.
6. KIDDING 
7. Now here's the thing- she's an awesome wife and an awesome mother.  I'm sure there are lots of awesome wives who happen to be awesome moms too.  So why the blog post? 
8. Because she is not just an awesome wife/mom combo- but she is an awesome wife/mom AND a full-time college student who is in the music program.  Being a full-time college student is a work-load all to itself.  In addition to going to class, you are expected to do reading, research, papers, and other various assignments throughout the week.  Throw in the whole 'mother to three children' thing (not a typo), and it makes it even more of a feat.  But then you take into consideration that she's a music major, and you really start to appreciate the tremendous sacrifices that she makes.
9. I want to expand on the sentence that I left off on in #8 while adding another paragraph (and thus, another number).  I feel that even if I say all of the right things, it won't mean anything if my list is short.  If there aren't many numbers on my list, it will look like I'm a compliment cheapskate.  That usually equals sofa time.  Which is kind of like Hammer time, but without the stair steps and pants-by-the-yard.



Obviously when you said "Can't touch this", you were talking about your legs.  Because there's no way that anyone is finding legs in that sea of flowing Rayon Polyester.

10. Now where was I?
11. Oh yeah, that's right.
12. So being in the music program is like being in any other collegiate major- except moreso. Not so much reading and writing (although there are those things)- but there is quite a bit of out-of-class responsibility.  10 hours/week of practice time.  10 concert/rehearsal attendances per sememster.  Classes that meet for 4 hours per week but are only worth 1 credit hour.  There's also extracurriculars.  A second choir.  Leading a vocal jazz ensemble.  Moonlighting with the jazz band.  Participating in Friends Of Jazz (which helps put together Jazz Fest at NMU every year).  NATS.  Winter semester Children's Opera.  Music program requirements are the price that one pays for having a passion like music.
13. Any single piece of the puzzle would make my wife an amazing woman.  Everything put together makes her beyond awesome.  My wife is the complete package.  In this era of rapidly shifting gender roles, my wife has been able to not only spread wide the wings of her feminine independence, but also shoulder some of the traditional matriarchy as well. She's Proverbs 31 AND Song of Solomon.  Mind=blown.
14. Did I mention how beautiful she is?  Probably not.  Because as beautiful as she is (and she's awesomely beautiful), the strength of her character and depth of her soul is  infinitely more beautiful (but she's smoking hot).

So yes, my wife is insanely awesome.  I know this list of pieces, even when taken together, is still woefully incomplete to show how busy her life is.  And yet still, her awesomability is off the charts.  I love her with every fiber of my being.  Every day, I thank God that I got to meet her, and was able to sucker her bamboozle somehow win her affections in return.  It's been quite an interesting journey- full of bumps and hills and valleys and many assorted trials.  We haven't done things normal in any stretch of the world.  We've both made our share of mistakes.  But I wouldn't want to live a day without her in my life.  I love you Sara.  I love you, and I don't care who knows it.  Unless they're from Russia.

Pic- Ian McKellan- http://www.mckellen.com/images/0857.jpg
MC Hammer- https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjsEk10acD9Ok9qO9tdqVGjoXq-E0HYt6KALQIBz-OO4igBMPmFfql4SKFx-0D9GtJzFGlIxTVpcWwdIjEJnm4YFxUoxaaXTRAoXUZt4PHEiE2dUt8ABjUZXACzj2uV8GewZ34nBkNKau_Q/s1600/MC-Hammer-picture2.jpg

Concubines for a season

To set the record straight, I'm as monogamous as anyone-probably even more monogamous, actually.  I sure do believe in one love for a lifetime.  Richer/poorer, sickness/health, better/worse- the whole enchilada.  I'm there.  I live it.  It's called my life.  And I totally understand relationships are filled with ups and downs, and you're not always going to love the one you have.  Sometimes you have to trudge through the slop to get to the diamond.  My attitude is 'lets roll up our sleeves and get down to business'.

But admittedly, there are times I just want to get away, spread my wings and have some licentious fun.  You know, just to cut loose, flirt a little, laugh over drinks, and I want to have that with zero sense of responsibility and accountability.  If I can accomplish all that with a family member, it's even better.

Wait, where are you all going?  You thought I was talking about what?  Marriage?  Oh no no no no GOD no.  I am talking about something else entirely.  I mean, sure, it is something that shares some similarities to marriage.  It has just about as much complexity, emotion, and commitment as marriage, but it most definitely is not marriage.

What I'm talking about, of course, is Fantasy Football. 

Let me lay some groundwork here, since it's something I'm clearly excellent at.  For the past two seasons, my main (and only) squeeze has been Center League.  I joined because my dad was in it with some guys that he worked with and they had an opening.  Fun league, even though I suck at it and always want to pull my hair out.  In the 'Give/Take' equation, Center League definitely is on the Take side.

This year, for reasons, my dad is not in Center League.  I was bummed, but I was able to move on fairly quickly because my relationship with Center League transcends the people in it.  Bros before hos- and Fantasy before Family.  Or something like that.

Sunday night, I get a call from my dad about possibly joining a league that he put together just for fun with some peeps.  Very low-key- I mean, the name of the league is Just 4 Fun.  So it has to be low key, right?

Really, it sounds like the perfect league for me- like Match.com doing Fantasy Football leagues on the side.  Our draft is an automatic one, and it takes place at 5:00 a.m. tomorrow morning (to go back to the marital relationship comparison, it would be having an arranged marriage that you don't even have to show up for).  We aren't even drafting individual QBs, we take team QBs.  For example, instead of drafting Peyton Manning, I would draft the Indianapolis Colts QBs.  Actually, scratch that- I wouldn't do anything of the sort, that has already been arranged for me.  The team QB thing would be like going to your arranged  marriage and finding out you are also stuck with all of her sisters.  In that context, I hope I don't get saddled with the Colts QBs.

I know Reggie.  I know.  At least I don't have to see them get undressed.

In some ways, I feel real bad.  I haven't told Center League about this new league yet, largely because I'm afraid that things will get awkward between me and Center League.  But I'm not even sure what this other league is to me yet.  We haven't spent enough time together to really define our relationship.  Is it going to be a Fantasy Football league that could someday lead to a more committed relationship?  Or are we just going to be a one-season stand?  It's far too early to tell, and Center League isn't really someone that you can talk with about this sort of thing.  Or anything, really.

Truth be told, things have been kind of rough with me and Center League the last couple years.  I got bounced in the first round of the playoffs during our first year together-and last year I didn't even make the playoffs.  Guys, you know what I'm talking about.  Relationships can't last if there are long droughts between playoff berths.  I mean, sure, the regular season is fine and dandy- for awhile.  But a man has needs. 

What does this mean for you, my faithful reader?  I don't know yet.  I don't think I'm going to write about my other league, because then the Center League is sure to find out that I've been unfaithful, and I can kiss the playoffs goodbye for a long time.  But I don't want to make it a 'Wam-bam-thank you-Jock-Jams' either.  My new Fantasy Football league has feelings too- even if I'm just using them for selfish, personal gain.

Wait, what are we talking about again?


PIC: http://www.cbssports.com/mcc/blogs/entry/22475988/31607687

Fail Anatomy

I've watched seasons of Project Runway. I've seen all the Twilight movies. I dressed up like a girl for Halloween in 8th grade. So it shouldn't surprise you that I'm currently watching Grey's Anatomy...with my wife, of course.

Aside from having a forgettable "main" character and more sex than a Vegas brothel, I do enjoy the show. I enjoy it because...hmmmm....I'm not sure why I enjoy it. Often times, it's a train wreck. The plots are often predictable, everybody sleeps with everybody else- they even managed (SPOILER) to botch George's death. I mean, it took me by surprise, sure. But I wasn't sad about it. It didn't make me go through any of the five stages of grief. Because they basically killed his character when they pushed the actor who plays him into a realm of depth and feeling that the dude clearly didn't have. And so really they began killing George a little bit at a time...episode by episode...until eventually George became more of a cameo than a part of the show. A walking shadow. George had already been dead for a couple seasons by the time he actually died.

There are other flaws I could get into- their handling of auxiliary characters (oh, hey, you're on the show to advance the plot a little bit, now see ya!), the inconsistency with their intern program (the show completely revolved around them and then the new crop came on and fell off the face of the Earth...well, into the basement to carve up cadavers) to name a couple. Honestly, if it wasn't for the fact that there are some very compelling characters and the fact that any day now Cristina Yang is going to magically turn into a real-live human being- I probably wouldn't watch the show.

But what really cheeses me off is the way that the show seems to confuse 'sex' and 'relationships'. I understand it is an easy thing to do- because both involve communication, repetition, and breathing. But if they could just be a little more careful. Jeesh.

Seriously- I can't think of one main character (aside from Bailey, who is probably actually asexual) who hasn't had at least two sexual partners. Now that probably doesn't seem like a big number- until you realize that these people are just all sleeping with each other. In a sea of millions, two sex partners isn't that big of a deal. But if your population is about 20- and you have 2 sex partners...well, you've slept with about 10% of the population. Wilt Chamberlain couldn't lay claim to such a prodigious statistic. Everybody sleeps with everybody else. I'm not sure if that's part of the Seattle Grace teaching program...but it seems to be the status quo.

I don't mean to be a prude. I am not trying to impose my own personal moral/religious code on an increasingly aphrodisiacial world (Did I just make up a word? Answer- Yes. Yes I did). But I am tired of living in a culture where the virtue of waiting for one person to give yourself to sexually is completely ignored. You Hollywood guys know that is an option, right? That sometimes, just sometimes, there is more to a relationship than how good someone is in the sack, and that sometimes maybe a relationship can be built on more than bumping uglies?

I know that not everyone that reads this will share my beliefs or my experiences. And that's okay. I just think that there is a lifestyle that has a substance that is pretty much ignored for the sake of the more glamorous "Gets mines" mindset. It is so redundant- all these shows where two characters (already doing it, BTWs) get married on a post-it note and suddenly start fornicating on stairways and in kitchens. What, there were no on-call rooms open? Because that's where you used to do it all the time. If your idea of marriage is John Hancocking a little slip of paper and then screwing constantly like a rogue Black & Decker, then maybe it's time to reassess the depth of your marital insight.

I'm tired of watching shows where all the married people sleep around on their spouses (or just have an affair with their careers). I'm tired of watching shows where people have sex with ghosts. Well, ghosts that end up being brain tumors. Not everybody travels the same path that I and my like-minded old maids do. That's fine. I don't want to take over the world. I don't want a rank-and-file system of sexual prohibition where horny virgins fawn lustily at what they cannot yet take hold of.

But as a man who saved himself for his wife, and who has experienced growing pains throughout six years of marriage, and who is able to look at the big picture and say "I wouldn't change a thing. A thing"...well, I just think that Hollywood could set their sights a little higher. Some people save themselves for someone else. Some people choose to build their relationships upon foundations that are not sex. Crazy. I know. Not everyone is going to be like that. But at least acknowledge it as a viable option. Because it is.

Now if we can just fix the white noise that is Meredith Grey's opening and closing narration...

Jesus love your church like I love my wife. No wait...don't do that. That is a terrible idea.

There comes a point where every blogger has to decide how much of themselves that they are willing to really share through this medium. I mean, sure, the really famous bloggers have hundreds of readers and can pretty much just say whatevs- but for guys like me, readership is largely limited to family, friends, and acquaintances. I have to balance my desire to share all my thoughts and ideas with the knowledge that I'm not doing this in a bubble- that I will most likely have interaction with people that read the stuff I write. As much as I want this to be a journal of sorts, the fact is that I have to determine how much of what things I'm going to share.

But I need to write this- because these thoughts and this struggle have been by and large fought in the recesses of my mind and soul- and I need to put them out there. I need to have them in a place other than inside of me. For insight from others? Maybe. Mostly so that it can be known that I have a heart and soul, and that for all the things I do poorly and perhaps improperly- I am trying to be a better person. A better father. A better husband.

A couple weeks ago I was with a group of dudes praying at church. With the undiagnosed ADD that I have, I noticed that we were all married dudes, and so I started thinking about the verse where husbands are told to love their wives like Christ loves the church (Ephesians 5:25). And I prayed that for all of us in that little group- a couple newly weds, a longer-wed, and me.

Then I was visited three times by an angel dress...no, that's not what happened. And I did not experience any sort of mystical tractor beam drawing me towards in- but this verse has stayed with me these past two weeks. I've been consciously pursuing it, chewing on it, and wrestling with it. Husbands love your wives just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. As Christ loved the church.

Christian dudes, we love to hear the preceding verse (24) that says wives need to submit to their husbands. I mean, it just seems so simple to us- hey, I'm the husband, you're the wife, and you need to do what I say. I realize that we could begin a discussion about the changing gender roles within marriage in the 21st century, or even the role of marriage in our society- but that's not what I'm blogging about.

I try not to be this overbearring tyrant that makes decisions from the seat of his pants, expecting my wife to just shut up and play good soldier. We're fairly (I think, anyways) egalitarian, and the only time the 'Submit' card gets played is in really ridiculous situations, like when we're trying to figure out which movie to watch or where to grab pizza.

Do I feel like the 'wives submit to your husbands' is slightly antiquated then? Perhaps. But I believe that the husband part of the verse still has a very real place in the institution of marriage today. Even as gender roles change, the fact that love should have such a self-sacrificial tone is something timeless.

Not that I've been a shining example of this by any means. Those who know me most closely could testify to my selfishness- both overt and subtle. I can be extremely thoughtless and absorbed in my own little world. So these past couple weeks I've been making a more concentrated effort to have sacrificial love be a part of my relationship with my wife. It hasn't been easy- hence the blog post.

Because I wasn't brought up in a world where this type of thinking is very prevelant. This culture is not predicated on what we can do for others, but rather what others can do for us. It's the Capitalist song. So I'm left in the rubble asking what does such a love look like? And then how do I translate that love into the circumstances of our lives? How do I so freely give of myself in this society that stands coiled and ready to pounce?

I suppose I could do an in-depth study on the different iterations of the word 'love' in the bible- the different Greek verbs and their tenses, the subtle nuances and the different meanings. But that's now how I roll- not on a Saturday morning. So you get the cliff notes version.

It's pretty common to associate love in our culture with the romantic, pre-marriage sort of love. You know, where you talk on the phone for hours about nothing, and have nervous laughter, and try to hold your gas in when you're around them. You may write poetry or songs, and encircle their initials with a heart. And that's a very valid aspect of love, I don't disagree with that.

But when I look around me and see marriages and families torn apart over lack of 'love'- it seems like these situations center around a rather juvenile understanding of the concept. Yes, the spark may be gone, and that same spark may be ignited by the presence of a new person. But much of that is just the feeling of uncertain excitement- we marvel over the unknown. Once it becomes familiar, it becomes boring. So love has to be deeper. Love is a commitment. Love is a sacrifice. Without those aspects, then love is just hopping from one romantic comedy to the next.

Jesus' love for humanity is defined by the cross. In that place, he showed husbands everywhere how to love their wives. It's not pretty. It's not sexy, at all. In fact, it will be one of the most grueling and difficult tasks that we have to do.

I didn't understand that when I first got married. I was too preoccupied by nervous glances and warm fuzzies to really take time to meditate on the fact that I was being called to love her in a way that not only sacrificed my own desires- but also would operate under the assumption that there would be no reciprocation. Think about this- Jesus was crucified by the same people He was sent to save. It'd be like your wife pulling a gun on you during the wedding vows and you standing there and saying 'I do'. Love doesn't need to be reciprocated by another person, because it is a virtue that sustains itself by its expression. Like Wesley in Princess Bride, we're poor farm boys getting ordered around- and loving it. We do not this thing because we are permitted to- we do it because we have to. We do it because we are compelled.

Wait a minute, that's a terrible take on love! Well yes- but it is what it is. That's the journey that I've been on these past couple weeks. It's pushing myself to do things that I'm asked to do, even when I don't want to. I don't feel like getting up with the kids while Sara sleeps in. I probably don't want to work on the house when I have free time during the day. Maybe I just want to buy something for myself at Starbucks. And it doesn't matter if I'm working on a stellar blog post- if she's talking to me, I need to stop and listen.

The reason I struggled with writing this is that I worried that I might be somehow nullifying my efforts by making this struggle public. I mean, does real love need to let itself be known out loud like this? Jesus' death on the cross, in its own time, was not this huge spectacle. It was a death amongst thieves, witnessed by only a few. And yet, it was an act of love that has inspired millions of people throughout time.

That's the goal I am striving for (except, instead of 'millions', it should read 'my wife and children'). I long to have these simple actions incorporated into my being so that they happen without so much as a second glance. Maybe there will be no fireworks or chick flicks made about it. The only thing that matters is that my wife knows I love her- even if she doesn't realize all of the ways I might show it.