YWL: Season 1, Week 2

Well, no one has written me hate mail or unfriended me on Facebook.  I'm going to consider week 1's recap a rousing success!  But this is not that.  This is week 2.

WCW:

Kharma vs Random Bella Twin
I almost didn't put 'vs' in the matchup field.  'Vs' implies that there was some sort of competition, a meeting of two (or more) parties where everybody had at least some chance of victory.  That's not what happened here.  At all.  Kharma won this one with ludicrous decisiveness.  Shoot, she could have got more resistance from a blind, crippled child than she did from whatever Bella Twin she engaged with here.

In fairness to proper noun  Bella, I wouldn't have wanted to get in the ring with Kharma.  Even before this match, Kharma was very highly ranked on the list of Women I'm Afraid Of.  It's actually a shorter list than you might suspect.  Here's the top five: 
1) My wife when she gives me "The Look" (think Blue Steel meets all of the Saw movies)
2) Kharma
3) Lady Gaga sans makeup
4) Any woman that could beat me up 
5) This scary lady

AJ Lee and Presumably the Other Bella Twin vs Beth Phoenix and Eve Torres
All of the websites I've visited have said in order to make Universe mode work the best in terms of developing storylines, you have to keep the matches as presented and actually watch them (instead of just simulating).  This process has met with mixed reviews thus far.  I've gotten some freaking gold at times (Sith vs. Avengers, Michael Jackson vs. Tim Tebow); however, I also got stuck with this.

Nothing against female wrestlers- but when I have a card featuring the Justice League vs the Watchmen, Captain America vs Strong Bad, and a Triple Threat match between Skeletor, Red Hulk, and Iron Man...well, an extremely random tag team match in the Divas division is really not the kind of match I want to see.  Actually this is the type of match that no one wants to see.  Even the WNBA would change the channel if this came on.

Fortunately I was able to real-wrestle my son during this time, which made the process (slightly) less painful.

Justice League vs Watchmen
With a booking of the gritty, ultra-dark, anti-heroic Watchmen against the champions of the 1950s comic code, it was not surprising in the least that this match devolved into an epic all-over-the-arena backyard brawl.  Besides, when Rorschach is the moral compass of your team, things are bound to get a little underhanded.  And for one night, at least, the low-blow antics paid off as the Watchmen scored a huge upset against the Justice League, with Dr. Manhattan securing the pin against the Batman.

For a simulated 'quick' match, it was wicked intense.  I 100% endorse a future 'No Disqualification' rematch between these two DC dyads.

Captain America vs Strong Bad
OH MY GOSH- Homestarrunner just came up behind Strong Bad during his entrance, slammed his head onto the metal stairs, and threw him into the ring!  Strong Bad probably just got a concussion!  Holy crap!!!

Alas, it is nowhere near as cool as it could be.  And until I can figure out how to simulate the voice of every single wrestler, this will continue to be the status quo.  Man, I totally wish I could pull off a mock-Strong Bad/Mean Gene 1980s promo to address the cheap shot and Strong Bad, like, challenges Homestar to a flaming watering can match...or something.  Gah!  That's be awesome!!!  

Skeletor vs Red Hulk vs Iron Man
Obviously, by sheer booking alone this match had "Epic-ocity" written all over it.  But when Skeletor and Iron man teamed up on the 'ol "Crouching Behind Someone And Pushing The Person Over The Crouched Person" move to Red Hulk- well that took it so far in the stratosphere that NASA was notified.  It reminded me so much of middle school, only instead of some voice-cracking/acne ridden/tent-pitching kid getting pushed over, it's the 7', 1200 pound, highly skilled combatant/master strategist with incredible levels of superhuman physical strength, stamina and durability who becomes hotter as he grows angrier, leaves huge amounts of residual radiation, and is nearly invulnerable to physical damage.

Basically the same

After Skeletor won the match, Kharma came down the ramp to congratulate Skeletor and escort him back to the dressing room.

I didn't even try to find out what happened after that.

Raw is war:

In other news, I checked and sure enough there is not enough space to do add "...spelled Backwards" to this leagues' name.  I am seriously bummed.   

Delaney vs Natalya
Delaney the wrestler, who it could be argued came upon her Women's title and 100 rating due to some some good, old-fashioned nepotism, was controlled by Delaney the real kid and won her first match in the YWL.  Unfortunately for Natalya (who I had to control to make sure that Delaney won), her third loss in as many matches has likely buried her deeper than the Mariana Trench at this point.

I don't know if this is a sign that I'm playing the game too much (Sara's note: Um, absofreakinglutely you are), but I'm starting to reach the point that I am not sure how much longer I can purposefully keep losing to the kids.  I mean, had my signature/finisher combo unlocked and was working on a second almost before Delaney could even get a good shot at me.  Eventually I'm just going to have to unleash the Five-knuckle shuffle and deal with the consequences.  

Consider yourselves warned, kids

Brothers of Destruction (Kane and the Undertaker) vs The Living Legends (Chuck Norris and Bruce Lee)

The only thing you need to know about this match is that the Legends won because Bruce Lee made the Undertaker tap out.  I will now allow you to utilize the powers of your imagination to fill in the gaps whilst you ruminate on the awesomeness that is Bruce Lee.

Also, it just hit me that I'm giving the names of my tag teams and not necessarily giving you the names of the wrestlers in those tag teams.  Oops.  My bad.  Except it isn't my bad.  As the Road Dogg so passionately (and persuasively) argued, in instances where intent or information was not clearly conveyed, the burden of inquisition is on you.

Niko Bellic vs Beavis vs Captain Planet
This match right here, this embodies the heart of what I want the YWL to be all about- a couple of 1990s cartoon characters squaring off against the protagonist of a 2009 video game.  It's a reminder that "Hey.  It's okay to dream.  It's okay to dream crazy.  And it's even okayer to write about those crazy dreams on your blog".  And I want to dream crazy big. My kindred spirits over at M4gnation, for example, also run a crazy wrestling league with ridiculous rosters.  They also have Captain Planet.  Except their Captain Planet has also undergone a heel turn and emerged as Captain Pollution.  That's what I want YWL to become- this sort of beautiful virtual cesspool of over-the-toppities and other variations of shenaniganisms.

The match itself was somewhat nondescript.  That is, until I went into the kitchen to grab some waffle fries and came back to Niko lying in the center of the ring, Beavis stumbling around like a concussed drunk outside of the ring, and Captain Planet climbing over the top rope to exit the ring.  Not sure what exactly happened, but I watched with horrified amusement as Niko continued to just lay there for like five minutes while Captain Planet actually entered and exited the ring at least three times to go continue to pound on Beavis.  It was borderline demented watching Beavis just become more and more stupefied while Captain Planet ignored numerous opportunities to pin Bellic for the win in exchange for more chances to pummel the Great Cornholio.

Eventually Planet did just throw him into the ring and pin him for the victory...but after witnessing the cold-hearted let-him-have-it-ing that he was dishing out, perhaps a heel turn may be closer than I originally thought.

Road Dogg vs Triple H
I'm just going to say that the D-Generation X song is probably my favorite wrestling based song ever.  No, seriously, that's all I'm going to say about it. 

For reasons unknown, this was a cage match to determine the #1 contender for the Intercontinental.  Understand that at this point, Triple H already holds two of the three available titles- there is no reason for him to be shooting for the Triple Crown.  It's selfish.  Real life Triple H gets a lot of real life heat for burying up-and-comers- but at least he hasn't tried to hog all of the titles at the same time.

That said, I went ahead and played this game as Triple H.  Because the thought of the D-X stable holding all of the titles (did I mention that I'm a member of D-X?) gave me a nerdgasm.  However, let me tell you that playing a cage match on the 'quick' setting is pretty much a disaster.  The computer will punch you into a corner and then start climbing up the wall immediately.  And as a result, Road Dogg won and I lost.  I hate this stupid game.

But then Trips gave 'Dogg the losers "Good-game Hand Raise", which may have welcomed the Road Dogg into the DX fold and stole my heart in one fell swoop.  Oh, that Triple H.  What a wrestling mastermind! 

Rey Mysterio vs The Rock
After last weeks embarassing loss to the Godfather, the Rock resumed his place in the wrestling hierarchy by scoring a decisive victory over Rey Mysterio.  But his victory here served merely to mask a potentially devestating issue that could rear it's ugly head at some point in the future- Rock's inability to successfully attempt the People's Elbow.  (I'm not going to mention how I've controlled him for both of his matches so far).  It's still early in the season, but there's enough evidence to suggest that something may be amiss. 

NXT results:
Hold on, hold on, HOLD on.  NXT, what are you trying to do?  Did you just try to pass off Darth Maul vs Darth Vader as a match?  WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING?????  I don't know if there's some greater plan here, but I'm totally changing taking the reigns on this one.  Just last week I was dreaming about Avengers vs Sith for the next couple months...now you're trying to make the Sith go all Rockers on us?  No.  EFF.  No.

Venom defeats Darth Vader via submission
(mumble) Bella defeats Beth Phoenix- huge upset.
Tim Tebow and Arnold defeat Red Hulk and Barrack Obama.  Governator and Tebow Time had great in-ring chemistry.  Might put them on a team called The Conservatives.  Or the Republican Party.
Kane destroyed defeated Road Dogg.  Highlight is when Kane did the DX crotch chop.
Strong Bad beat Iron Man

End of the week rankings jumps:
Dr. Manhattan, on the strength of his personal pinning of Batman, jumped from #25 to #8 in the WCW World Heavyweight title.  Nothing really in the Raw side, probably because there are more established (read: real) wrestlers that the computer GM knows how to properly rank.

Champions are the same as last week.  I suppose they likely will be until my first Pay-per-view (PPV), Hit Guys With Chairs, which is just two weeks away!  Set your TiVos, folks!

New (old?) blogs preview (postview? I'm so confused)

Almost two weeks ago, I wrote about my plans for my blog. If you didn't read it, let me recap: I realized that I was trying to spread myself too thin, and that my lack of focus was hurting my ability to really take this blog anywhere. The end. I realize that I hyperlinked to that blog and that you could read for yourself what I said, but I like to think of myself as a nice guy, so I decided to give you the synopsis. But since I'm also a narcissist, I decided to hyperlink it as well. Gets my page view count up.

Of course, plans change. After I wrote that blog, I had a friend recommend tumblr to me as an excellent writing community and means to procure a new audience and helpful critical feedback. I decided to give it a go, and what was once one blog has now been reborn as a three headed monster. I realize that it seems silly. And it is. So then, let's review my blog roster!

If you're reading this, you're at my home base blog. It has been, and will be, the blog of choice for anyone who is concerned with keeping up a trendy image. That might be a lie. The restructuring will give this blog more of a social science/humanities focus. Anything from overpopulation to religion to sociology to gender roles- you name it. Actually, don't name it. I have a limited arsenal and a diminishing vocabulary. Allow me to dictate this blog on my terms.

This is my old new blog that is on tumblr. It's called 'Backwards Pants'. It's been in existence for about five days. Backwards Pants exists primarily to expand my audience/readership base. Everything (at least, that's the plan right now) I post on here will be posted on there. However, I will have some new stuff on tumbr as well, including my long-awaited return to the poetry sector. Tumblr will serve as my potpourri outlet- if I get the urge to write about Megamind, I'll do it there. Should I garner up the courage to revisit my Super Bowl MVP reassessment, those football players will be wearing Backwards Pants.

This is my new new blog (and the reason why I'm making a second housekeeping post in a weeks time). It's pure unadulterated silliness, and is based on my long-standing love of sketch comedy. The basic premise is that Darth Vader has been stationed on Earth, in Michigan's Upper Peninsula. He lives in a fictional residence- 411 Sojourn Boulevard. To save on expenses and household maintenance, he decides to take on a couple of roommates. His roommates? Dr. Manhattan from the Watchmen and Ezio Auditore from the Assassins Creed.

To me, the idea of these three drastically different (and completely made-up) universes coming together and interacting in a fourth completely different (but actual) universe- is hilarious and should be tons of fun to try and spin. I think it will stretch me as a writer as well- trying to write character-specific parts and using things like dialogue are not a normal part of my repertoire. To speak plainly- I am stoked out of my mind about this project.

I'm still doing 'research' for this blog, and plot lines are still being hatched. By 'research', I mean reading comics and playing video games. So even if the blog fails- it's definitely winning. I'm hoping to have a post up in a few days. No promises about frequency thereafter- I want to make sure that I have a good hold on the individual characters before I plunge in, and I don't want to sacrifice my award-winning philanthropist insights.

Okay, I'm done with my glorified office memos for awhile. I will soon resume my regularly scheduled dissemination of unique insights, humor, and factoids that will illuminate your brains and make you live happily ever after.

For those who want their entertainment to be a little bit more

I just got reading Identity Crisis. It's a comic book. I'm 30 years old. Maybe that's not how I should start off a blog post.

Identity Crisis is (in my opinion) one of those transcendent pieces of pop-culture art. Often times, we indulge in the entertainment industry because we want to get away from the "real world". But other times, I want my entertainment to make me think. While I'm all about being swept away to Middle Earth, I also like to be taken to El Paso, Texas or Alexandria, Virginia. I don't just want my main characters to use light sabres- I want them to wrestle with whether or not they should have an abortion.

It's true that movies like 'Glory Road' or 'Remember the Titans' take serious liberties and straddle the line between art and life (for example, if you read about the actual team 'Remember the Titans' is based on, you'd think that the movie wasn't based on a true story at all). But still- these movies deal with aspects of our humanity in a way that empowers us to look past our shortcomings. They help us to see the potential that mankind has and to aspire to that level of greatness.

I feel the same way about other forms of entertainment- music, real books, and yes, comic books.

For me, I'm definitely much more into music that makes me think- I've never been a huge fan of pop music (at least lyrically, but I'll admit that I'm very easy to seduce with a catchy hook and a bumpin' chorus). It's one of the reasons I like Project 86 so much- their lyrics aren't just rehashed cliche's- they make you put your thinking cap on, while simultaneously making you violently move your body in such a way that your thinking cap will probably go flying off of your head.

Books? Well, at this point in my life I don't get much chance to read for entertainment, which is one of the reasons (my love of super hero culture being the biggie) that I gravitate towards comics books. At 30 years old. And no, I do not (nor have I ever) lived in my parent's basement. Probably because we didn't have a basement.

I love the intermingling of the word and of the visual in comic books. I love the fact that there are a finite number of characters, which means that I can become more attached to them than I could with a movie character. Aragorn is amazing...but you get him for, what, three books? I can read about Green Lantern over. And over. And over. I love the evolution of the characters. I love the diversity of the stories.

And while there will always be a place in my heart for shape shifting alien races infiltrating super hero teams in order to take over the world, or power rings that reanimate the dead in order to feed off of the living...I'm finding that more and more, I gravitate towards stories that make me think. For me, comics can be perfect mix of entertainment and contemplation. It's not too dense (thanks to the speech bubbles). The artwork not only soothes my ADHD tendencies, but can also convey parts of the story that the words don't always tell. Comic books are like a ninja of the mind. You think you're reading this goofy story and then all of a sudden BAM you've been Jackie Chan'd across the face with the dangers of big government.

Comics have a history of addressing social issues through unconventional means. The X-men provide a social commentary on many things, such as racism and diversity. A generation of young boys learned their morals from Superman. Spider-man taught us much about having responsibility for power at various levels.

With all that said, here is a list of 5 comics (all of them conveniently in graphic novel form, so I don't feel like such a geek- I mean, they're not comics, they're novels, right?) that I feel tackle deeper issues than keeping our convenience stores safe from masked shoplifters.

I suppose I should probably notify you of potential spoiler alerts. SPOILERS. There, you've been notified.

1) Kingdom Come (1996)- The first graphic novel that I ever read, and one that definitely planted the seed so to speak. Obviously the first thing that will jump out at you is the artwork. I really like Alex Ross' work- it feels more like a series of paintings than a comic book (and really, this statement shows my ignorance of art, because he probably does paint them). Read about the plot here.

It largely involves the implications of the actions of the superhero community, although it's not a stretch to apply some of the principles to our own reality. For example, should due process apply to all people? Or should certain offenders be "dealt with"? And what would be the far reaching influences of affording that sort of life/death power outside of the boundaries of the legal system?

2) Watchmen (1986)- I'm not even going to post a Wikipedia link to this one. If you haven't read it, or don't know what it's about, then you need to go out and get a copy. NOW. I'm not saying it's the best book you'll ever read, but I think that it has had enough of an impact to at least try it for yourself. You can buy your own copy here, unless you want to buy it/borrow it from somewhere else that I didn't link to.

Golly, what doesn't this book deal with? It deals with the accountability (or lack thereof) of political power. You get some interesting thoughts on extremism, nihilism and quantum physics. There is rape and redemption. Cold war tension. You confront the morality of sacrificing few for the good of the many. There are just so many nuggets in this book- and that is not even getting into how the book itself, as an art form, is constructed. Is it dark? Yes. Does it make you think? Yes. Is it awesome? See for yourself.

3) V for Vendetta (1982)- I would actually suggest reading about this here instead of actually reading it. Not that the book itself is bad- it was just hard to follow. There were so many characters, and the artwork made it really difficult to distinguish large chunks of the action. Probably about midway through, I gave up on trying to follow anyone except V and Evey.

Again, though, there are interesting thoughts and ideas presented here. I don't think it's any coincidence that Alan Moore has two works on this list (although to be fair, this is pretty much the extent of these types of graphic novels that I've read).

Anarchism. Fascism. Xenophobia. Totalitarianism. These are just a few of the big words that you will confront on the pages of V for Vendetta.

4) Identity Crisis (2004)- I should probably point out here that I did not make a "Top 5 list". I just wrote these down in random order. If this was a ranking list, this would be higher. I love this book- the art, the story, the way it's delivered- you actually feel like this is a real life community, and everybody is interconnected in some way.

This story brings to the forefront (again) whether certain actions are acceptable to maintain the greater good. It makes you ask 'how far would I go to protect my family'? It shows how a group of superheroes answers this question, and how these superheroes wrestle with the implications of their actions.

5) Red Son Superman (2003)- This is actually the most different book on this list (and honestly the rightful #5 in an arbitrary rankings system), because it doesn't deal as much with morality in a vacuum- it deals with how our environment plays an influential role in the shaping of our morals.

While I didn't necessarily get into this story (to be fair, I've only read it once), I have to admit that the idea of Superman being raised in Soviet Russia is very, very intriguing. Think about it- how different would you be if any one aspect of your life were changed? What if you were born in a different city? What if you had both parents (or only one parent)? What if you were born just up the road from a Jewish synagogue and not a church? What if you were born in a different country, a different time period? No siblings? Rich- or poor?

I would highly recommend any of these, because I am a big advocate of exposing yourself to different cultures, different lines of thinking- if we are too homogonous, we don't grow. You have to step outside of your safety net, and what makes you comfortable, and stretch yourself in order to truly reach the heights that you were made to reach. And if you get color pictures and speech bubbles along the way? Well, that's just a bonus.