Growing pains

So I have really awesome ideas for blogposts...but no time. I plan to tackle the issue of homosexual Christianity once and for all (not really...but I def want to weigh in on it)...but I obviously haven't done it yet. I know what you're thinking- what gives? You promised more blogs after graduation- and haven't delivered. What. The. Frick.

To which I reply whoa whoa whoa WHOA. TIME OUT. That sort of language is not tolerated here- this is a no cuss zone. So seriously- go take a time out. In the corner. And wash out your mouth with soap.

To those out of the loop, I started my new job the day after graduation- and I haven't looked back. I'm the Assistant Family Teacher at a group home, working full time (as in, over 40 per week). The home I'm at is...well, chaotic would be a nice way of putting it. It's going to get better- we got a new couple, and they seem like they're going to do well. In the meantime, it's hectic. The old family teachers left in April...with a program in shambles. The people that worked during the transition have done a bang-up job, but realistically the program is need of some serious stability and a good mix of kick-ass-take names and TLC.

So what does this have to do with me not blogging? Well, I've been working lots- and almost always in the evening. I'm not able to be on the computer super frequently during the day (largely because I want to be a responsible father, partly because a) Sara has an on-line English class and b) I have a new PS3). I put in time on these blog entries- I know it is hard to believe, but it is truth. So the thought of just shooting from the hip is not going to be an option.

However, what better way to bridge the gap between my last blog and the blog I want to write- than by writing a shoot-from-the-hip blog about why I haven't blogged? It's brilliant!!!

I'm actually pretty excited about this opportunity, even though it is seriously giving me a thorough butt-whupping. Simply put, this job experience is going to be stellar and enable me to get where I want to be. It's hard right now, but I can already tell I'm going to have serious opportunity for growth. It's going to stretch me- in many ways. I'm going to simultaneously learn how to submit to the authority of someone else that has less experience than I do, while also learning how to give feedback more directly and assertively. I also am going to have to be able to transform my personality to more of a take-charge-Alpha male.

See, I've worked at the agency for almost 5 years. I've been a program manager, and I've been a direct care staff. There aren't a lot of situations that I haven't seen...as a part of a team. But as the assistant, it's pretty much my show (as long as the family teachers aren't around)...so I have to sort of step up and take charge in a way that I haven't done before. Factor in the fact that I'm fresh out of college, and my time spent in direct care for my internship was largely processing the aspect of control pertaining to direct care staff, and a program that is in flux, with kids that have had a large amount of change in a short period of time...

It's been a mess. I find myself making simple mistakes. I'm hesitant. I basically feel like I don't know what to teach to. I am used to basically Midasing everything I lay my hands on- so to go through these initial trials and growing pains- well, it's been tough. I have to be okay with the fact that I'm not perfect, and that I'm still growing up into this new role, and that I am making mistakes, and that is okay.

Will I get there? Absolutely. I find myself growing in confidence a little bit each time. I am able to figure out the mistakes that I make, and process through how I should have handled different situations. I'm finding my voice.

Unfortunately, for right now that voice has come at the expense of the voice that I am comfortable with, and reasonably skilled at using. It doesn't mean that I'm going to sacrifice the known for the sake of the unknown- it just means that I'm going to have to get creative. Because I still have so much to say...and so little time to say it.

Proud Papa

In case you missed this, I played fantasy hockey this season, for the first time. I finished second in the league, losing in the championship game. It doesn't really matter that I would have lost badly to my buddy Matt in any of the playoff games, and thus (in his mind) had the third-best team. It's the playoffs, and all that matters is how you progress through your part of the bracket. Take care of business, and move on.

At the beginning of the NHL playoffs, a group of us that love hockey and played in the Black Storm hockey fantasy league were talking about how there would be moments of pride throughout the playoffs as you saw guys on your fantasy team making significant contributions for their real-life teams. I want to take a moment and sing the praises of my fantasy child- Jaroslav Halak.


I'd love to say that Halak was a biological child (that is, that I drafted him), but he wasn't. I didn't bring him into the family until late in the season- in fact, he was my last pick-up, on February 1st, just a couple weeks before the Olympics. At the time, I was just trying to find a decent third goalie. Kind of like adopting a child to have someone to help out with the chores- you aren't really expecting too much, and if they do some dishes and mow the lawn and keep their nose clean, then you're happy.

But then you look at your adopted child one day, and you realize that he's not merely useful, but he's actually fun to be around. All he's wanted was for you to know that he was on your team, and probably actually worthy of being a second or even a first string son.

Halak has been simply clutch throughout these playoffs. While I can't take full credit for his success- like a parent who needs to make sure their kids play with other good kids, Halak has needed timely efforts from his friends who play defense, the fact is that a hot goalie can steal a playoff series. And Halak is a hot goalie right now.

I apologize right now if I start getting emotional. After all, this guy was on my fantasy team, and I just need everyone to know that.

Trailing 3-1 in the first round against the top seed (and heavily favored) Washington Capitals, Halak stoned the Caps for three straight huge wins- facing 132 shots and turning away 129 of them. Most importantly, he came up huge in a game 7 win IN Washington to help Les Habitants to advance to the 2nd round, where they faced off against God Crosby and the rest of the Pittsburgh Penguins.

'Listen, I know Russia doesn't have very many golf courses- but neither does Pittsburgh. And I'd love to come over and watch Jaroslav Halak march through the rest of the playoffs. I just have to ask my owner/dad if it's okay.'
'You are such baby'.

Let me pause here to remind you that I'm not a big fan of the Pittsburgh Penguins. It's not just because they beat the Red Wings last season in the Stanley Cup finals (although I'm willing to concede that there is at least some subconscious hostility because of that). I'm just don't like how our society anoints certain players as deities, especially in team sports. I understand that in the information age that there is a need for sensationalism in order to try and stand out from the crowd- but then everybody has to amp it up in order to stand out and before you know it, we're participating in daily worship services for LeBron James and Alex Rodriguez (and Sidney Crosby).

So it takes on special meaning when a rag tag group of underdogs, led by (sniff) my fantasy goalie, take on the rich snobby kids from up the way and send them packing. So long rich snobby kids-have fun watching us on television while we get to keep playing! And look- that's my (fantasy) son in goal!

Anyways, I'm really pumped right now because my boy Halak just won the new biggest game of his life, defeating the Penguins 5-2 in game 7 (on the road, again) to send the Penguins to the golf course for a few months. I'm so proud of him right now, that I would probably draft him first overall in a fantasy draft. Regardless, he has a spot on the Arabian Arabian Knights as long as he wants to (or as long as someone else doesn't pull a douche bag move and pick him before I do).

GO HABS!

PIC- Halak- http://tenderslounge.files.wordpress.com/2008/03/jaroslav_halak.jpg
Crosby/Ovechkin- http://i.cdn.turner.com/si/multimedia/photo_gallery/0905/nhl.playoffs.crosby.ovechkin.rivalry/images/sidney-crosby-alex-ovechkin-game-7.jpg

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words just suck

We're going to play a little game. I like games. It's a word association game. I say a word, and you tell me what word comes to mind. It'll be lots of fun. Okay, ready? Here we go.

The word is......





POWER

What did you think of when I typed the word POWER. Did you think of money? Or maybe knowledge? Maybe you thought of power as a position. Or maybe to you power just means really really really big muscles.

If you answered any of the above, then I would tell you that you did a really good job guessing. And then I would tell you that you are wrong. I'm sure that now you are extremely intrigued at what I have to say, because obviously I have a better understanding of what POWER really is. Either that, or you are trying to make it look like you are busy at your computer. Don't ask, don't tell, right?

When I think of power, the idea that comes to mind is communication. And all of the answers above are related to communication. Money is used to communicate a need or desire. When I send you monthly payments, it is because I am communicating to you that I don't want you to post those pictures of me on the Internet. Either that or you are my credit card company and I am communicating my desire to have a good credit score. Of course, I would rather be blackmailed then have credit card debt. Come to think of it, I think my credit card company is actually blackmailing me.

Knowledge is meaningless unless it can be communicated. That's why our favorite teachers aren't necessarily the ones that know the most. They're the ones that engage us, and make the material they are teaching interesting to us. I don't care if my teacher is a virtual matrix of information- you have to be able to sell me what I'm buying.

If you clicked on my hyperlinks (and really, there's no reason why you shouldn't. They're always either a) funny or b) serious), you probably laughed at this picture. Which, regardless of how you feel about the man, is a very funny picture. But this is an excellent case-in-point- one of his biggest flaws was that he was not the most skilled communicator. Despite being in a position to be the most powerful man in the free world, he was scorned, mocked, and ridiculed- for many reasons, of course, but I feel that he could have tempered much of the disdain if he would have been a better communicator. This guy? He rose to power primarily because he can communicate effectively.

Clearly I have dazzled you to the point where you are ready to believe whatever I say. And if not, that probably has nothing to do with any sort of lack or shortcoming in my own abilities as a communicator. And, we're moving on.

All of the above was just a really long and slightly drawn out introduction to what I really want to talk about- words. Words are one of the key components to communication. Not THE key- I'll discuss that later. But in a verbal society, words are the glue that holds communication together.

For example, think of the word 'glue'. You read the word, and (I know that there are some razzle dazzle physiological terms I could use to describe it...I just can't think of them right now) and your brain processes that collection of symbols into a cohesive unit, and links to your prior interaction with what we define as glue.

Words link us- we are able to communicate much more effectively (especially via the written medium) because of the phenomenon of the word. We don't have to waste countless hours figuring out how to describe our environment to others- they know what 'trees' are, and 'grass'. We have a common ground, and thus we can spend our time discussing other things. Words are amazing.

And yet, words alone are not communication. In fact, statistically speaking, words are but a small factor in our communicative interactions. Things like voice tone, body posture, facial expression, and even intent are, realistically, much more important to communication than words are.

Do you remember in middle school when that girl you had a crush on you playfully said 'I hate you' when you made some sort of flirtatious smart-alec remark about getting a better score on the math quiz? Contrast that to times when you've told your spouse in a monotone, mundane, not-meant-at-the-time way: I love you. Sometimes our words betray us, and don't actually mean what we say.

It's why I don't get too hung up on swearing. I realize that words have definitions that are socially agreed upon meanings- but I also know that we are the ones that artificially bestow meanings upon words. It's more about the meaning of the word and context in which it is delivered.

For example, a friend of mine was talking yesterday about how somebody had basically jumped all over her case because she said 'gosh'. Basically, the argument was (and I've heard this before, towards myself) that she was 'using the Lord's name in vain' by using that word.

Let's assume for a moment that the statement is true- that when you say 'gosh', you are actually directly affronting the 4th commandment. So you decide that you do not wish to do this, and so you decide to use a different word. Let's even go so far as to say that you completely change the phonetic composition of your new word. Instead of 'gosh', you decide to say 'flip'.

Aren't you still taking the Lord's name in vain?

I would argue that yes, you are. You have merely substituted one set of symbols and sounds for another. Your context, your meaning, is still the same. Are you trying to tell me that if I say 'flip', that is somehow better than saying 'gosh', even though I mean the same thing?

As a Christian, I am told that I shouldn't swear. Okay, fine. So I'll have to find some substitute words for those moments when I stub my toe or smack my finger with a hammer...or when no other word can accurately convey my emotion. So I pick that different word. And I use that word.

IT'S STILL THE SAME THING!!!

I'm not in the clear just because I'm not using "the word". My thoughts are the same. My feelings about my throbbing thumb are the same. I suppose there might be an element of control if I can say 'frick' instead of an F-bomb. But that's just all behavior modification- you can train yourself to say certain words, without actually changing your internal composition.

These are just thoughts. I'm throwing them out there. You might disagree, you might think I'm completely off base. But you have to admit that it is silly to get so worked up about something as insignificant as a word. I said before that you have to be able to communicate in order to have power, and words are certainly a key in communication. I wouldn't be able to have this blog without words. And yet, words are merely one key on a gigantic key ring, and sort of a smallish key at that. Make sure that your heart, more so than your words, is in the right place, and you'll be doing okay.

Graduation thoughts...but today!

As promised!

What a whirlwind! My scholastic sequel concluded with a bang on May 1st, as I walked across the stage and shook President Les Wong's hand with my degree folder in hand. I can't believe that it's finally over.

It's been an incredible journey. (Just so you are aware, I almost ended that sentence with an exclamation point...but then I think that I would have been compelled to end the first sentence of subsequent paragraphs with exclamation points, and I think that could get a little excessive. I also just realized that you probably don't care).

Graduating from Northern was a culmination of my hard work, a celebration of my achievements, and a declaration of personal growth. Having two young children, I had to bust serious ass to do as well as I did. I don't like to brag, but I am very proud of my academic accomplishments. The funny thing is that they came because of and in spite of my life circumstances. It was more difficult to achieve at a high level with two young children- but I was more driven to succeed because I knew that I had to in order to have success.

But enough about me. Let's talk about you. What do you think of me?

Don't answer that. Instead, read on as I talk about my graduation experience!

First of all, why wouldn't you want to walk in the graduation ceremony? I've had many friends tell me that they didn't want to, for this-that-or the other. But how many other chances do we get to live like the rich and famous? Or to carry a concealed weapon- on top of our heads? Or play dress-up? Most of us get 15 minutes of fame, tops- why wouldn't I want 2+hours of people looking at me/in my general direction?

Graduation day started off with the kids coming in and waking us up. Scratch that- graduation morning started off with us hanging out until like 1 in the morning with friends and family. I played a game called Fat Princess. If you haven't heard of it, you haven't been living. It's like capture the flag, but with weapons,confetti, and cake. Go out, buy a PS3, and download this game. It will change your life.

We got the kids (mostly Delaney) excited about seeing daddy graduate- or as Delaney said, 'walking across the street'. At least I looked both ways, right?


I got there early with my neighbor/buddy Ken and promptly walked across the street to the BP station. I did this for a few reasons. First of all, I needed to practice walking. Since they don't allow segways, I had to make sure that I still remember how to actually walk, using my human legs. Fortunately, I was able to score some iron-clad truth on the matter, and I was able to learn the real way to walk.

I also needed some sustenance. I scored a free cup of Cappuccino at BP, courtesy of Ty, who I met at the Dueling Band Show in February. Even if I never ever see him again, that was a serious case of networking paying off. Anything else that happens in our relationship is simply icing on the cake. I also grabbed a Snickers. I figured, I wouldn't be going anywhere for a while- so why not?

They had us wait in the volleyball arena about an hour before the ceremony. I don't remember exactly how to spell the name of it, so I will refer to it as Van Damme arena. So while we were waiting around in Van Damme arena, I realized that this part of the ceremony was akin to a holding cell.

See, it was very warm and stuffy in the gym. Basically it was a gulag for college kids in silkish robes. We stood around for what felt like hours, sweating inside of our dresses and goofy hats. My tassel kept hitting me in the face, and the ladies were walking around spraying us with static guard, which I'm pretty sure was just chloroform. They herded us into sections, and made us stand in order.

The only plausible explanation for these atrocities is that in the time before time, college students were sitting through the 3 hour ceremony and realized that it was insanely stupid about half way through. They subsequently mutinied, and took over. College presidents came to fear the power of the graduate crowd, which is like a small army full of Jason Bourne clones (unless it's Michigan Tech). Realistically, would you want to have about 800 pissed off college kids with weapons and a crowd? No. So they got together and figured out a way that they could minimize the chances of a revolt. They instigated night-before-graduation drinking. And those college kids that didn't succumb to instant inebriation were subjected to the holding pens.

During the captivity, I found out that one of my friends was wearing shoes from a 2006 wedding. That was stellar. The awesome thing is that I'll probably always remember that piece of information, and even if I don't I wrote about it in my blog, so now it's achieved eternal glory.

Being a part of the College of Professional Studies and graduating with a Bachelor of Social Work degree entitles one to be able to sit in the back of the graduation ceremony. Sitting in the back during graduation is much like sitting in the back during class-except that you don't get out first. There are no worries or responsibilities. We didn't have to figure out when to stand, when to walk, or when to start going up to the front. We just sat there, watching other people, cracking jokes, sending text messages, mispronouncing people's names on purpose, playing I Spy (that darn Elk nearly eluded me), discussing whether a man was sexier in leather or a business suit (for the record, I said a leather business suit), and cracking Harry Potter jokes. Yes, Harry Potter jokes.

For those who have never been to a college graduation, the professors aren't rocking 3 piece suits or dresses- they're all dressed up like some sort of magical wizard council! It was the best thing ever! I half expected for Wong to start awarding house points (obviously I would be a part of Gryffindor, because Gryffindor is teh bomb!!!) and the new Minister of the Dark Arts professor to give a speech.

I'm guessing you are wearing your varsity jacket underneath your robe. Loser.

Senator Michael Prussi gave a rousing speech- mostly because he mixed explicit self-depreciation (which I am a huge fan of) with some excellent points about becoming more involved in our communities, society, and government. He seemed to have no illusions about his importance in the ceremony, and because of that he became important. Brilliant! Although I do remember feeling that President Wong was going to get up and rip the honorary doctor-thingy that he had just bestowed upon Prussi off of him as Prussi kept going on and on about how basically nobody cares about who speaks at graduation. That would have definitely made the $19.97 I spent for a copy of the ceremony on DVD worth every penny.

The aftermath went VERY quickly- it's like you want to find your family and connect with them, but also wanting to see your friends and faculty and get some pictures with them. Now multiply that by thousands, and you can see how it is very understandable (and I would go so far as to say 'forgivable') that I didn't get a picture with my mom. Fortunately, my sister is graduating from high school in June, so I was able to concoct a plan that is simply brilliant. Also it is fortunate that I have such cute kids, because how can you be mad at me when I produce pictures like this:


I am very bummed that I wasn't able to get a picture with Dr. Carol Simpson. She was extremely integral in my transformation as a social worker and a human being, and I am forever indebted to her.

It's pretty much the bomb that my kids got to see me graduate. What an awesome example for them- that you can accomplish anything you seriously set your mind to if you work hard and have an awesome support network. I am pretty sure that I still would have done the graduation ceremony if I didn't have Delaney and Shane- but with them, it was always a no-brainer- I knew that I would be walking.

Of course, you can't have bittersweetness without bitterness. As I wandered around the Superior Dome, the reality of the moment began to sink in- I am not a student at NMU anymore. I am not going to be walking the halls of McClintock. No more futuristic passageway. No more social work classes. A chapter has ended. And while I'm happy for a new saga to begin, I am going to miss the magic of the past few years.

Being a part of the social work program has really driven home the idea of community to me, and how important our relationships are with other people. Some people stay in our lives for a long time- usually family, a few friends, and possibly co-workers. Most are just brief flashes- they are a part of your life for awhile, and then for one reason or another, they are gone. Both groups are very important, because they all weave together to make us who we are.

Of course I have a cognitive understanding of that, but it doesn't change the fact that I'm really going to miss all my classmates, and it doesn't change how much it sucks that this is a part of the human experience, I suppose that it's part of being higher up on Maslow's hierarchy. I guess that zebras probably don't have to worry about stuff like this- they're just worried about getting enough grass to eat and making sure that they don't get eaten by lions. Of course, maybe it is just part of being a human being. I don't know.

I understand that the immediacy of the moment is a huge factor in this, and as with the stages of grief, I'll move forward, move on, and the strong emotions that I feel right now will slowly fade into memories and photographs. I think it is easier to keep in touch during these times, thanks to things like Facebook and cell phones. But I don't know if I'll be any better at keeping in touch than I was before all of these newfangled contraptions. I'm hoping so but guessing not.

There is the chance that my feelings are indicative of a larger issue, and that maybe, just maybe, this is not how we're supposed to be. Maybe humans weren't meant to separate (other than death, obviously) as often as we do. Maybe I'm just pouting, bemoaning the loss of a part of myself.

Think about it though. We live in an impersonal society and come in contact (real contact) with people so infrequently that when we do, it becomes magnified, and when they leave, the sting of their loss is magnified because we're not used to connecting with people. Bonds that are not meant to be broken are broken with alarming frequency, and as a result we retreat into ourselves, the only defense against the pain of heartbreak that we know.

I suppose I could be overreacting. I probably am. But it's food for thought.

Anyways, that is my graduation experience in a nutshell. I hope you enjoyed reading about it as much as I enjoyed living it. But you probably didn't. I leave you with this picture. At first glance, it's merely a crappy picture. Look at it closer, and it becomes a magnificent work of art.

Sort of like me.



PIC- http://www.virginmedia.com/images/halfbloodprince-hermioneschool-431x300.jpg

Graduation thoughts...but not today!

Graduation was today. It was awesome. And I loved it, I'm glad I went. I want to write about it. And I will...but not today. Today, I'm exhausted. I'm ready for bed, and I start my new job tomorrow, so I need to get some rest. I'll write about it in the next couple days. Thanks to everyone for the well wishes and congratulations. I have a great support network of family and friends, and my successes are your successes. I look forward to where the road leads, and sharing my thoughts with you all along the way!