Last night (actually, it was probably early this morning), I had one of the most interesting dreams that I have ever had. That may not be a true statement, but because I can remember it so well (and because I usually don't remember my dreams at all), I am giving it the royal treatment.
So in my dream, Cate Middleton (the now princess) was the sister of one of my social work program classmates. And obviously because this is the case, Prince William and his new bride came to my parents house for a reception of sorts. It was pretty low-key, because if the prince and his new bride come to your house, chances are they're going to want to be off the radar. So I met the prince under a tent beside my parents house. We chatted for a little bit.
Then I was magically transported into the garage (which is actually only a few steps from where the tent would have been), where Prince Harry and some other dude were playing some music. Naturally I headed to the drums and started laying down some sweet beats, and before I knew it we were playing a Led Zeppelin tune (unfortunately I don't remember which one- I just remember it being distinctly LZ). After we almost got through the first verse, Prince William announced he was taking off, and specifically told me good-bye (and called me by name). Dude, see you later, Prince. We're buds. We're cool.
When I woke up, I told Sara about my dream. The first thing she asked me was if Prince William spoke in a British accent. I said no, he talked like an American, and she said 'well, we definitely know it was a dream'. Yes, Sara. Now we know it was definitely a dream. Because nothing else about that story suggests that it was a dream, and not in fact the way I spent my Friday.
Saturday, April 30, 2011
Thursday, April 7, 2011
Care for the day...but what of our future?
Let me just start off by saying that I love capitalism. I love the free market. Globalism? Huge fan, pleased to meet ya. Internet, technology, having entire segments of the economy devoted strictly to my entertainment- can't complain (although I still find time to do so). Life has never been this easy.
And so obviously I'm writing about why it all seems wrong to me.
The other day, I had a realization of sorts. I've spent the past 5-6 years (with some time off in there) having some sort of direct care work as my primary means of financially supporting my family (other than student loans....eek!). Basically, I have been receiving financial reimbursement (essential for continuing on with life as I've known it) for spending time with other people's children. So in exchange for my time that I'm not spending with my own children, I have helped raise other people's children. So that I can "make it"- whatever "it" means.
What an odd concept. I don't mean to deride daycare- it's necessary for some people so that they can keep the jobs that provide them food and shelter. Lord knows we've had to tap into the Babysitter Pool so often our figurative toes are shriveled up like prunes. But it's frustrating that this economic system that I admittedly am very fond of is responsible for destroying human existence.
Wait, what? That's right. I said it. Boom. Human life the way that God/nature intended it has passed through the digestive tract and now only contains bits and pieces of its former glory.
I think if we were to try and look this a little objectively, we'd acknowledge that we're probably supposed to be a little more like Tarzan and a little less like Wall-E. Instead, we live in an economic system that has distorted the human existence. We are no longer a part of an ecosystem that is symbiotic, but rather we have become the parasites. Except that we have completely bypassed consumption for survival and gone straight on to consumption for the sake thereof.
Sometimes I wish that technology as we know it had never developed. I wish that I was a menial laborer in a small clan somewhere in a rustic setting. I wish that I was playing some sort of simple game with my children instead of finding a new show on Netflix or teaching them how to play Angry Birds. Actually, it'd be pretty cool to play real life Angry Birds, now that I think about it. Using a sling shot to shoot birds at various wooden structures? That's amazing! Oh, someone's at the door. Look, it's PETA. Fudge.
I know that there's probably a degree of 'old days nostalgia' in my wishful thinking. Life wasn't easy back in ye olden days. Life expectancy was shorter. The chances that your children would die before they hit five years old was so much higher that it's a wonder that any children lived past five years old. Not to mention the dinosaurs and lack of oxygen in the atmosphere and the poop on the streets and...okay, I better stop before I convince myself that it's much better to have access to heating, indoor plumbing, and home entertainment centers.
I hate to beat a dead horse (actually, I don't condone the beating of any dead animal. I don't need anymore PETA involvement) but I look at the upheaval in the Middle East, and the crisis in Japan, and I wonder just what the heck I would do if something like that happened here. I have virtually zero survival skills. I exist on food that is packaged for me, preparing it thanks to the instructions that it comes with. I have never hunted, and I'm not sure that I could gut/skin a deer without passing out from wussyness. Shoot, I can't even make a fire without some matches, kerosene, and a weeks worth of the New York Times. I can live in the conditions that have been created for me to live in- but if those conditions are removed, I am effed.
A while back, I touched on the idea of overpopulation (an idea that I still mean with all of my heart to address with empiricism)- and I think that for me, overpopulation has more to do with this style of life that we've created than it does with the number of people that our planet currently houses. Sure, the planet could probably be fine with the number of people that it currently houses- we just need to drastically overhaul how we do everything.
And isn't that what this whole Washington budget/government shutdown thing is about? We have a finite amount of resources that we're trying to allocate, and there isn't enough money to go around, and so there needs to be sweeping changes made, except no one is willing to make the changes because it means a drastic overhaul of how things are done. That's why I believe that overpopulation is a problem- because we are, by and large, unwilling to cut out the things in our society that contribute nothing to our survival other than comfort and pleasure. At least our descent into hell comes on a shiny new roller coaster!
Can somebody just throw a bucket of water at my face (only the water is secretly some sort of acid that melts things)? What a world, what a world indeed.
I'm not trying wax doomsdayical here. After all, the events unfolding in our world today do that well enough without the humble musings of this tiny blogger. But I feel like I am the little pig who tries to keep safe from the big, bad wolf by building his straw house on the sand. Eventually, the whole thing is going to come crashing down and I'm just left there with a goofy grin on my face and a hungry wolf all up in my grill. I have hope for this world, I really do. But right now, it just seems like a fools hope.
And so obviously I'm writing about why it all seems wrong to me.
The other day, I had a realization of sorts. I've spent the past 5-6 years (with some time off in there) having some sort of direct care work as my primary means of financially supporting my family (other than student loans....eek!). Basically, I have been receiving financial reimbursement (essential for continuing on with life as I've known it) for spending time with other people's children. So in exchange for my time that I'm not spending with my own children, I have helped raise other people's children. So that I can "make it"- whatever "it" means.
What an odd concept. I don't mean to deride daycare- it's necessary for some people so that they can keep the jobs that provide them food and shelter. Lord knows we've had to tap into the Babysitter Pool so often our figurative toes are shriveled up like prunes. But it's frustrating that this economic system that I admittedly am very fond of is responsible for destroying human existence.
Wait, what? That's right. I said it. Boom. Human life the way that God/nature intended it has passed through the digestive tract and now only contains bits and pieces of its former glory.
I think if we were to try and look this a little objectively, we'd acknowledge that we're probably supposed to be a little more like Tarzan and a little less like Wall-E. Instead, we live in an economic system that has distorted the human existence. We are no longer a part of an ecosystem that is symbiotic, but rather we have become the parasites. Except that we have completely bypassed consumption for survival and gone straight on to consumption for the sake thereof.
Sometimes I wish that technology as we know it had never developed. I wish that I was a menial laborer in a small clan somewhere in a rustic setting. I wish that I was playing some sort of simple game with my children instead of finding a new show on Netflix or teaching them how to play Angry Birds. Actually, it'd be pretty cool to play real life Angry Birds, now that I think about it. Using a sling shot to shoot birds at various wooden structures? That's amazing! Oh, someone's at the door. Look, it's PETA. Fudge.
I know that there's probably a degree of 'old days nostalgia' in my wishful thinking. Life wasn't easy back in ye olden days. Life expectancy was shorter. The chances that your children would die before they hit five years old was so much higher that it's a wonder that any children lived past five years old. Not to mention the dinosaurs and lack of oxygen in the atmosphere and the poop on the streets and...okay, I better stop before I convince myself that it's much better to have access to heating, indoor plumbing, and home entertainment centers.
I hate to beat a dead horse (actually, I don't condone the beating of any dead animal. I don't need anymore PETA involvement) but I look at the upheaval in the Middle East, and the crisis in Japan, and I wonder just what the heck I would do if something like that happened here. I have virtually zero survival skills. I exist on food that is packaged for me, preparing it thanks to the instructions that it comes with. I have never hunted, and I'm not sure that I could gut/skin a deer without passing out from wussyness. Shoot, I can't even make a fire without some matches, kerosene, and a weeks worth of the New York Times. I can live in the conditions that have been created for me to live in- but if those conditions are removed, I am effed.
A while back, I touched on the idea of overpopulation (an idea that I still mean with all of my heart to address with empiricism)- and I think that for me, overpopulation has more to do with this style of life that we've created than it does with the number of people that our planet currently houses. Sure, the planet could probably be fine with the number of people that it currently houses- we just need to drastically overhaul how we do everything.
And isn't that what this whole Washington budget/government shutdown thing is about? We have a finite amount of resources that we're trying to allocate, and there isn't enough money to go around, and so there needs to be sweeping changes made, except no one is willing to make the changes because it means a drastic overhaul of how things are done. That's why I believe that overpopulation is a problem- because we are, by and large, unwilling to cut out the things in our society that contribute nothing to our survival other than comfort and pleasure. At least our descent into hell comes on a shiny new roller coaster!
Can somebody just throw a bucket of water at my face (only the water is secretly some sort of acid that melts things)? What a world, what a world indeed.
I'm not trying wax doomsdayical here. After all, the events unfolding in our world today do that well enough without the humble musings of this tiny blogger. But I feel like I am the little pig who tries to keep safe from the big, bad wolf by building his straw house on the sand. Eventually, the whole thing is going to come crashing down and I'm just left there with a goofy grin on my face and a hungry wolf all up in my grill. I have hope for this world, I really do. But right now, it just seems like a fools hope.
Friday, April 1, 2011
Dates (No, this is not an April Fools post. But I think it would be funny if you pretended it was)
I've been chewing on the concept of dating in our society since...well, this morning. And as is my custom, rather than go back into the archives of things that I've wanted to write about in the past, I shall write about something that tickles my fancy at this moment in particular.
We were talking (me and the boys) about an article in our local college newspaper about the increase in cohabitation in the male-female relationship dyad. This led to a discussion (albeit brief, since I had to make it home in time to deliver a fresh, steaming Egg McMuffin to my wife) about the dating phenomenon in our society. And so here I'm going to expound on some of my thoughts a little bit.
Dating- at least from my experience and the romanticized images given to us by our popular culture- is a highly superficial exercise. Style over substance, as it were. We try to put our best foot forward at all times- dressing up in fancy clothes, trying to smell good (which isn't necessarily easy, BTWs), flirting, laughing, staying at a shallow level, keeping our "dirty little secrets" in the closet. We don't even pass gas. Think about that- we are so interested in impressing this other person that we will subject ourselves to willful stomach cramps in order to keep from engaging in what is arguably one of the most pleasant experiences known to man.
Many years ago, the facade of dating wasn't as big of an issue. Gender roles were more clearly defined. Divorce was less socially accepted. Fellas just had to be civilized long enough to get the girl, when they could morph into Man Mode. You know Man Mode, right? Where you come home from work, sit around in a white t-shirt and boxers, drink beer while watching football and having the wives make dinner and stay in the kitchen (while they weren't tending to the children). Rinse and repeat for the next 30-40 years, and you have 1950's marriage. Ah....Man Mode.
But we're not there anymore- the rules have changed. Gender roles are not so clearly defined. Man's stronghold in the domestic realm is not as cemented as it was then. Beer is gross. Football might not even be played. Families order takeout and buy microwavable meals. And the relational restlessness that was previously suppressed by the weight of societal expectation has been set free upon our divorce courts.
That's the main problem with dating in our society. It creates an unrealistic set of expectations that pretty much doom a marriage to spending the first couples years adjusting to the shock and awe that 'Oh my goodness- this dude is not the same guy I dated'- if the marriage makes it that long.
I'm not the first to point it out- and even as long ago as the early 2000s, when I begrudgingly read I Kissed Dating Goodbye (which I still feel was a scam because the author came out with another book a year or so later and was married. Yeah, obviously you kissed dating goodbye- because you were already hooked up!), it was an issue that I was aware of. But I have different lenses now, that I see this issue through. Mainly that means that I can throw around bigger words and have anecdotes to back up my outrageous and generalized claims. Think of them as Life Bi-focals.
The dating game is guided heavily by positive feelings that are stirred up by two persons who are making concentrated efforts to be attractive. Biologically, we see this play out in many species. Mating rituals, brightly colored plumage, special songs and dances- animals have been "dating" since before the dawn of man. For them, it's simple- they need to mate in order to sure their species survives (although I'm sure their base instincts don't really put that much thought into it- they just know they need someone to do it with). For humans- it's a little more complicated. Our relationships are not so much about ensuring the survival of our species. They are more about finding a companion to grow old with- someone to help us remember where we put the keys or, I don't know, our phones.
Six years ago- I was naive about marriage. I knew that I 'loved' Sara (with my limited understanding of love). She made me laugh, and I really enjoyed being with her. But I didn't really understand all the ramifications of marriage. I didn't know that the "feelings" wouldn't carry on indefinitely. That her faults would come out. That my own flaws would rear their ugly head. That I had actually an active role to play in the development of our relationship. And that the baggage we carried in from our own perceptions of marriage based on the observations of our parents would serve as the template upon which we would set our marital foundation.
Romans 8:28- And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. Looking back, I see the grace of God to get us through those early years. We had been blindsided. Hoodwinked. Baited and switched. Very quickly, we realized that our feelings just weren't going to cut it. We had to find out the hard way what marriage is really about.
With the devaluing of marriage in our culture (really, it's just like Dating 2.0), relationships built on the feelings that the superficial dating structure reinforces are doomed to fail. And because of the blurred line between love and "love", those failures have very real consequences in the lives of those involved.
Because inevitably, we will come in contact with someone else who stirs up the "magic", and makes our hearts flutter. They take us back to those innocent days when we could sustain a relationship merely on our flirtations and flowers. And if this is our understanding of what makes a relationship go, we move on, because we're just not feeling it anymore, but there is somebody else that (we feel) can give us what we think we need.
I don't want to speak for everyone. There are sometimes when a relationship needs to end. Sometimes, divorce is the best option. For me though, the idea of divorce in the hard times would have been much easier than the painful look in the mirror that made me realize that the issues that I have were not going to automatically change in a future endeavor. I could fall in Dating Love with someone else, get remarried- and I would be basically living a Sequel. Same jokes, most of the same actors- really it's just the same movie but with new shiny packaging, but inevitably doomed to fail because they don't try to get back to what made the first movie successful- the originality. And my wife is 100% Original Grade-A-wesome.
As my friend retweeted in real life this morning, 'If the grass is greener on the other side, then it's time to water your lawn'. I'll let you take that quote and make it your own. As long as you cite me citing my friend who was citing someone else.
We were talking (me and the boys) about an article in our local college newspaper about the increase in cohabitation in the male-female relationship dyad. This led to a discussion (albeit brief, since I had to make it home in time to deliver a fresh, steaming Egg McMuffin to my wife) about the dating phenomenon in our society. And so here I'm going to expound on some of my thoughts a little bit.
Dating- at least from my experience and the romanticized images given to us by our popular culture- is a highly superficial exercise. Style over substance, as it were. We try to put our best foot forward at all times- dressing up in fancy clothes, trying to smell good (which isn't necessarily easy, BTWs), flirting, laughing, staying at a shallow level, keeping our "dirty little secrets" in the closet. We don't even pass gas. Think about that- we are so interested in impressing this other person that we will subject ourselves to willful stomach cramps in order to keep from engaging in what is arguably one of the most pleasant experiences known to man.
Many years ago, the facade of dating wasn't as big of an issue. Gender roles were more clearly defined. Divorce was less socially accepted. Fellas just had to be civilized long enough to get the girl, when they could morph into Man Mode. You know Man Mode, right? Where you come home from work, sit around in a white t-shirt and boxers, drink beer while watching football and having the wives make dinner and stay in the kitchen (while they weren't tending to the children). Rinse and repeat for the next 30-40 years, and you have 1950's marriage. Ah....Man Mode.
But we're not there anymore- the rules have changed. Gender roles are not so clearly defined. Man's stronghold in the domestic realm is not as cemented as it was then. Beer is gross. Football might not even be played. Families order takeout and buy microwavable meals. And the relational restlessness that was previously suppressed by the weight of societal expectation has been set free upon our divorce courts.
That's the main problem with dating in our society. It creates an unrealistic set of expectations that pretty much doom a marriage to spending the first couples years adjusting to the shock and awe that 'Oh my goodness- this dude is not the same guy I dated'- if the marriage makes it that long.
I'm not the first to point it out- and even as long ago as the early 2000s, when I begrudgingly read I Kissed Dating Goodbye (which I still feel was a scam because the author came out with another book a year or so later and was married. Yeah, obviously you kissed dating goodbye- because you were already hooked up!), it was an issue that I was aware of. But I have different lenses now, that I see this issue through. Mainly that means that I can throw around bigger words and have anecdotes to back up my outrageous and generalized claims. Think of them as Life Bi-focals.
The dating game is guided heavily by positive feelings that are stirred up by two persons who are making concentrated efforts to be attractive. Biologically, we see this play out in many species. Mating rituals, brightly colored plumage, special songs and dances- animals have been "dating" since before the dawn of man. For them, it's simple- they need to mate in order to sure their species survives (although I'm sure their base instincts don't really put that much thought into it- they just know they need someone to do it with). For humans- it's a little more complicated. Our relationships are not so much about ensuring the survival of our species. They are more about finding a companion to grow old with- someone to help us remember where we put the keys or, I don't know, our phones.
Six years ago- I was naive about marriage. I knew that I 'loved' Sara (with my limited understanding of love). She made me laugh, and I really enjoyed being with her. But I didn't really understand all the ramifications of marriage. I didn't know that the "feelings" wouldn't carry on indefinitely. That her faults would come out. That my own flaws would rear their ugly head. That I had actually an active role to play in the development of our relationship. And that the baggage we carried in from our own perceptions of marriage based on the observations of our parents would serve as the template upon which we would set our marital foundation.
Romans 8:28- And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. Looking back, I see the grace of God to get us through those early years. We had been blindsided. Hoodwinked. Baited and switched. Very quickly, we realized that our feelings just weren't going to cut it. We had to find out the hard way what marriage is really about.
With the devaluing of marriage in our culture (really, it's just like Dating 2.0), relationships built on the feelings that the superficial dating structure reinforces are doomed to fail. And because of the blurred line between love and "love", those failures have very real consequences in the lives of those involved.
Because inevitably, we will come in contact with someone else who stirs up the "magic", and makes our hearts flutter. They take us back to those innocent days when we could sustain a relationship merely on our flirtations and flowers. And if this is our understanding of what makes a relationship go, we move on, because we're just not feeling it anymore, but there is somebody else that (we feel) can give us what we think we need.
I don't want to speak for everyone. There are sometimes when a relationship needs to end. Sometimes, divorce is the best option. For me though, the idea of divorce in the hard times would have been much easier than the painful look in the mirror that made me realize that the issues that I have were not going to automatically change in a future endeavor. I could fall in Dating Love with someone else, get remarried- and I would be basically living a Sequel. Same jokes, most of the same actors- really it's just the same movie but with new shiny packaging, but inevitably doomed to fail because they don't try to get back to what made the first movie successful- the originality. And my wife is 100% Original Grade-A-wesome.
As my friend retweeted in real life this morning, 'If the grass is greener on the other side, then it's time to water your lawn'. I'll let you take that quote and make it your own. As long as you cite me citing my friend who was citing someone else.
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