Anyhow, sorry if that came across a little bit insufferably jerky- it's just that you literally no idea how shocked and surprised I am that my team has not only done well this year- but it has done VERY well. Sure, I could lose next week and go home with the consolation prize of 'Paper Champion'. But for a guy who had never had a winning season before, to have the best team in the league this late in the season...well, it's a pretty big deal. And so over the next couple weeks, I will probably continue to write insufferable jerk things about my Fantasy team (even more so if I actually, you know, win at all in the playoffs).
But I know you really love this because you've seen me bare my heart and soul on these pages, and you know the pain and suffering I've endured the last two years and you're probably just really happy for me. Therefore I'll continue to indulge you with what is essentially "Chicken Soup for the Fantasy Football player's soul".
What went right-Victor Cruz (15) and Mario Manningham (12) looked good in my WR corps. Nick Novak had 15 in the K slot. And I only lost by 11 points. So that's a good thing- a positive I can build off of, right? RIGHT????
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| This doesn't have anything to do with this article- but anytime you can post a picture of a football player peeing on the sidelines...well, you do it. You just do. |
Bonehead move- Analyzing each game like it's a middle school relationship. Seriously, I am running out of ways to discuss my inability to grasp reality when it comes to Fantasy Football. Aside from the whole 'it's not really real' aspect, I cannot understand my lack of understanding that, despite having poor matchups and some injuries, I almost won this game. This was not a bad loss- and yet, mentally, the dip to a 6-2 record somehow forced me to tighten the belt-strap of my positive outlook and plan for another playoff-less year. After an 11 point loss. Dear God, what's wrong with me????
Week 9- Oh, great. A matchup with War Machine, my other nemesis- just when things are falling apart. Perfect! That's just great. This is the guy that knocked me out of the playoffs a couple years ago. This is the guy that I always seem to make some really dumb move when I'm playing against him that costs me the game. And while I didn't get the most out of my matchups this week, I was able to pull off a 102-99 thriller.
What went right- I'm going to have to start calling Matt Forte "The Closer", since for whatever reason he always seems to be one of my last players playing and has never failed to score enough points to secure the win. This week he had 11, which paired with DeSean Jackson's 0, enabled me to eek out the improbable victory. Of course, it wouldn't have been so improbable if I hadn't left Gronkowski's 17 and Nelsons 17 on the bench. Brady ended my brief flirtation with Painter by scoring 20, and Michael Bush had 18 in relief of the injured RunDMC.
What went wrong- Once again I'm bitten by the "Smart move turned stupid by WTFness". DeMarch Murry, a third round pick who had been playing semi-sporadically, racks up 18 points against the #6 defense. Obviously I sat him. Beanie Wells, meanwhile, faced off against the next-to-last ranked defense- and accumulated a whole 3 points. Obviously I played him.
Bonehead move- I think it's because I'm starting to realize that this whole thing is a crapshoot and there really are no great or bonehead moves except in hindsight, but I probably played my roster the right way this week. Even though I left lots of points on the bench, my theories behind them were usually sound, and things just didn't turn out the way I thought they would. Wait a minute, was that cool-headed logic I just applied? I think I need to lie down.
Week 10- Whew! That was close. No time to enjoy a hard earned win though- not with Bullies coming into town for a rematch. A win coupled with a loss by War Machine or Disco will guarantee me a playoff spot. And I did my part (almost doubling him up, 158-80, as my team remembers that it kicks serious ass), therefore reducing the magic number to clinching not just a playoff spot- but the division- to 1 game.
What went right- I had 7 of 9 guys go for double digits. Brady had 32 and put Curtis Painter so far back on the rear view mirror he looks like Kurt Cobain. Bush had 30 on the Thursday night game, which gave me a little bit of relief after a couple stress-filled Sabbaths. Murray had 23 and Nelson had 18.
What went wrong- Picking nits, but Gronkowski had 24 points on my bench. When you win by 78 it's difficult sometimes to pick out the bad. Which you have to do, or these slackers will turn soft.
Bonehead move- At this point, things are going the best they ever have in my Fantasy Football career. My roster, as I've said before, often sets itself. I have tremendous depth at RB and TE, with a great QB, a solid D, and enough points from WR and K to fill in the blanks. No bonehead move this week. Other than Gronkowski.
Week 11- A rematch with Disco, who has turned things around (4-1 in his last 5) and is now in the thick of the playoff hunt. A win here and I pretty much clinch the division. And (as I like to think I am wont to do in such situations) I put the lumber to Disco, 137-65 (my 2nd straight week of high scoringness) and clinch the division. Hello, playoffs- it's been awhile!
What went right- Hmmm....should I start with Nelson's 25? Or how about Gronkowskis 21? Maybe Brady should get some props for his 20. But I'll give the props to Cruz, who had 19 and is pretty much the best waiver wire pick-up I've ever had. A special shout-out to Kevin Smith for the huge, HUGE game he had for the Lions. No, he wasn't on my roster- and Disco didn't leave him on the bench. No, Smith was racking up 39 points for the Lions for the Knights while Mercury Morris (starting for team Disco) was more importantly not racking up those points.
What went wrong- Nothing for me (other than Mike Williams' 14 point resurrection from the dead) - but poor Disco. Chris Johnson continued his campaign to forever be the highest paid RB by making sure other teams never ever give contract extensions to their RBs again. This time, it was a 2 point stinker. Of course, there's not too much sympathy from a former 4-9 squad given to the 2-time defending champs. I just needed to write something about Chris Johnson and how much he sucks this year.
Bonehead move- None. Zip. Zero. I was flawless this week. Well, other than I could have played Mike Williams and got some more points. But then I would have had to play Mike Williams. And that would have been a bonehead move.
Week 12- So this must be what retirement is like- you work, work, work for your whole lifetime (or in this case, 11 weeks) and when you're done, you just kind of...sit there, I guess? Because having clinched the division and a first round bye with 2 weeks to go...I'm not sure what I should do. I can't rest my starters, because they aren't really resting- so I guess I'll just keep kicking ass and taking names. This week I rematch against Team Knights, and since the Lions (which are the lifeblood of the Knights) play on Turkey day, I knew that by Friday I would know whether or not I'd most likely win or not. And it turns out that I did win, rather handily, by a score of 153-90. For the third straight week (and fifth time overall) I have the highest score in the league. At this point I keep pinching myself to makOUCH!! Yup. Not dreaming.
What went right- Tom (35 points) you know I wouldn't have traded you for real, right? Please tell me you know my sudden infatuation with Curtis Painter was mostly because I saw him from behind. You've always been the QB for me, Tom. Jimmy Graham (20), Cruz (28), and the Ravens D (25) all crack the 20 mark. And sadly (for the Lions fan who lives somewhere in the closet of my brain) the Lions struggle, which means that Team Knights struggled.
What went wrong- But it's a good thing the Lions struggled- because I would have been simply livid with myself had my sitting of Beanie Wells (and his 28 points) came back to bite me. I know, I know- he was playing against the Rams- how could I sit him? To which I would have replied, 'How could I not sit him?'. Last time they played the Rams, he had 2 whole points. I remember that game, because I had been so excited to play him against the Rams- 2 points. 2! Additionally, they said he was pretty banged up. And John Skelton was his QB. So that's why I sat him. And his 28 points. But it wasn't just wells. Even Donald Brown had 15 points. And Mike Williams had 12. It's like my bench guys are starting to riot. There's too many points- I can't keep them under control, warden!!!
Bonehead move- Having my bench guys use up their cosmically allotted groups of points. I didn't need any extra points, fellas! I won by 63 this week. Why didn't you use those earlier this year, Mike? Beanie, where were some of those 28 points the last time you played the Rams? YOU'RE KILLING ME GUYS!!! KILLING ME!!!
Week 13- A late season divisional rematch against Dennis with...well, nothing on the line? The stakes in this pre-playoff tune-up are....surprisingly low? My goodness. What a crazy year this has been. But I've been rolling, and life's been good. I clinched a playoff spot a few weeks ago, clinched the division last week, and Week 12 saw me clinch the top overall seed. What to play for, really? I guess 11-2 looks better than 10-3- and who wouldn't want to enter the playoffs on a high note, right? So obviously I went out and won 106-91 to cap what has been (and will most likely be) the most glorious year of my Fantasy Football career.
What went right- This win largely came down to luck as opposed to skill. Stephen Jackson (for Dennis) was playing against the 49ers behind the immortal A.J. Feeley. Given those two facts, his 2 points was probably more like 13-14. Brady (23) and Gronkowski (24) combined for almost 50 points, and the Ravens D had 27.
What went wrong- Forget about the fact that Bush and Murray each had only 3 points while Wells (12) and Brown (11) languished on my bench. The Closer got hurt early in the Chiefs game. It didn't hurt me this week, and it might not even hurt me in the playoffs (since I'm freaking LOAD-ed). Still, if there's ever a time when you want your #1 RB to get a season ending injury, it's definitely not in a meaningless tune-up game right before the playoffs. Seriously Matt- I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I played you- I just...well, I just felt the peer pressure, and those guys are all still fighting for their playoff lives (bless their hearts) and I didn't want to make it seem like I was being unfair, and I....okay, I'll stop. Just please, get better soon!
Bonehead move- Leaving my RB situation potentially in the hands of a rookie, a Colt, and Beanie Wells. Seriously. I think that my WRs are going to have to carry me now in the playoffs, and while they've shown that they theoretically can do that...I don't even want to go there. I need to go lie down again.
So I'll be honest- this season review was hard to write. When things are going poorly, it's so much easier for words to flow like water from the broken places of my soul onto the screen. But man, when things are going good? It's just a pain in the butt to try and think of ways to celebrate my awesomeness. I only came up with, like, five.
As far as the playoffs, I think I have a real good shot at taking it all. But I also know that anything can happen. For instance, if the playoffs had started this week (and I didn't have my, you know, FIRST ROUND PLAYOFF BYE!!!!!)
then most of the teams in our league would have bounced me from the playoffs. So we'll see what happens. The only thing I know for sure is that a huge episode of pain and misery is only one misplay or one injury away. Ah yes, there's that good old defeatist cynicism I've been missing!
PIC-Chicken soup- http://www.blogcdn.com/www.kitchendaily.com/media/2010/05/chicken-in-pot-240.jpg
Novak- http://larrybrownsports.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/nick-novak-peeing-530x363.jpg
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