A couple weeks ago, I was talking with my cousin Chris. It was on a Monday night- the Monday night when the Lions whupped the Bears on Monday Night Football. I suppose it was the first time the Lions had been on Monday Night football since the Mesozoic era. Anyways, during our conversation Fantasy Football came up. It's pretty rare for me to talk about football and somehow not relate it back to Fantasy Football. Sort of like how I can't talk about anything without relating it back to Fantasy Football.
I told him about my dilemma about having Matt Forte of the Bears on my team. I was losing my game, and I needed Forte to get a bunch of yards and/or touchdowns- just not at the expense of a Lions win. Chris explained that these types of scenarios were the reason he quit Fantasy Football. An intelligent viewpoint, by the way. I told him that I wished I wasn't like this, but that I just can't help myself. Rationally, I can't think of a reason to stay. Emotionally, I can't leave.
The amalgamation, of course, is what keeps me coming back. That unadulterated combination of emotion and logic sets all of the gears in my brain on fire at once, and it takes me to places in my creative soul that I could never find on my own. If there was something else that could do for me what Fantasy Football does then surely I would switch. But for right now, this is where it is at- a place I like to call 'Living'.
In case you're wondering what the hang is going on, I'm giving you a review of the first half of my Fantasy Football season. Completely absurd, by the way. But if you've been around these parts before, you know that ridiculousness is my
modus operandi.
I thought about waiting until the season was over, but I decided against it. For one thing, it is therapeutic for me to write while in-season. It releases all of the shennanigans and ridiculousness and overreactions into cyberspace, and gets me on a nice-even keel. Just in time for the playoffs, when my idiocy amps it up to 11. Additionally, my team is 6-1. This is the best record I've ever had, and since I am completely an utterly hopelessly cynical about the nature of Fantasy Football, I believe this is probably the best it will ever be.
So with that inspiring intro, I present to you the first half of the NORTH Michigan Snow Flurries 2011 season.
Week 1- After
what happened last year, my only hope was to make it through my matchup against expansion franchise Team Knights with zero injuries. Well I did that-and a little more, as my team comes out with guns blazing in a 162-133 victory and the Snow Flurries first-ever 1-0 start.
What went right- Tom Brady, where have you been all my life? After having a revolving door at quarterback the last couple years, I finally have a guy that I can just plug in weekly and assume that 20+ points are in the bag. This week Brady went off for 44- a Snow Flurries record and my first 40+ point game ever.
(Holding back the tears) I feel so proud- it's as I had a son, and my son was an NFL QB and he threw for 517 yards and 4 TD on Monday Night Football. I love you son!
But
les Averses de Neige are not a one-man band. My starting backfield (Darren McFadden, Matt Forte, Beanie Wells) combined for 53 points. The Ravens 'D' (29 points) justified my blind faith in them. Except for Mario Manningham, all my guys score doubled digits. I also benefited from my opponents misplay, as the Knights left 2 guys on the bench with 25+ points each.
What went wrong- When you win by almost 30, you really didn't do anything wrong except think that you did. It took approximately one half of football on a Thursday for me to start kicking myself over points (Jordy Nelson's 13) left on the bench. Understand- there's no logical reason why I would have started Nelson over Manningham and Tampa Bay Mike Williams. They're all good receivers. But the fact that Nelson scored more points than either of them means that I spent most of Friday and a good part of Saturday kicking myself over a "misplay" that wasn't even a misplay. How pathetic is that? PLEASE DO NOT ANSWER
Bonehead move- Playing in a second league. I now realize that my emotions (which are already tattered, frail messes on Sundays) will constantly be battered and torn apart even more, because it is now possible that I will be facing off against players that I own in an alternate universe. Let me break it down.
After the 1:00 round of games, I was trailing 100-78, but I was feeling pretty good about my chances. I still had four players to go (Brady, McFadden, Wells, and Manningham), and my opponent only had Steve Smith I. Smith was playing in his first game since retiring in 2008, so I...oh. He didn't retire. What happened then? Did he fall off the face of the world? Because I don't remember him playing the last couple of seasons. Are you sure he didn't die?
Of course I will remember him now because of his career resurrection in which he torched me for 33 points that he also scored for me. Head...spinning...grey...hair...starting...
Week 2- The Snow Flurries have their first chance ever to go 2-0, which is a lot like 1-0 except it's twice as good. I spent all week getting ready for Team Fergy, a constant thorn in my side, only to find out there was a scheduling screw-up and my opponent was changed to the Castrated Bulls (formerly the Bullies). If Fergy is the thorn in my side, then the Bulls are like a giant flaming ACME safe and I am Wile Coyote. Despite the short notice, my team adapts quickly and walks away with a 140-121 victory.
What went right- Brady fell back to Earth this week, scoring "only" 36 points. My draft "strategy" (it should be noted that the use of "my" and "strategy" in the same sentence is something of a misnomer) of drafting versatile RBs pays off as neither Forte or McFadden rush for over 100 yards and yet both have over 15 poitns. 7 of my 9 players end up in double digits, including Nelson, who scored all 14 of his points on one play late in the 4th quarter of his real game.
What went wrong- Rob Gronkowski's 20 points would have looked heckabetter in my lineup than on my bench. And Mike Williams had 0 points. A goose egg. Mike, how are you going to come into my house, eat my food, sleep on my couch, and disrespect me like that. You know what dawg- I ain't even mad at you. We're 2-0, baby! Last year....well, last year, I'd have been figuring out a way to arrange a short walk on a long cliff for Tampa Mike.
 |
| Wait- don't you mean a long walk on a short cliff? |
Um, no- obviously he'd die! Duh!
Bonehead move- Pfftt. Please. We're 2-0. I have the top scoring team in the league at this point. My roster practically sets itself. There is no bonehead moving this squad- you'd have to have a football pedigree of like, Matt Millen or something. STOP- don't you dare say anything.
Week 3- A killer early season matchup against the two time defending champs and my team is dinged up. I'm a little worried about the toughness of my team. This is our Super Bowl- and you guys want a week off? I had a guy come back from the dead last year- I don't want to hear about your wussy injuries. Hamstring? Please. What are you, pig shoes? Concussion? You can't just make up fancy words and pass them off as legitimate injuries. ARRGGH- youngsters these days. Oh well- despite not being at full strength, my team is still strong enough to shock the champs 145-86.
What went right- Brady, McFadden, and Raven's D outscore Disco's entire team. Even with his top scorers at each position, I would have still won the game. Graham overcomes a 0-point first half to finish with 17, and Neil Rackers bangs home 15 big ones at the K spot. Discos' big guns (Phillip Rivers and Chris Johnson) combine for 13 points.
What went wrong- My WRs only have 8 points. I leave points on the bench at RB because Beanie Wells is too
wimpy hurt to play and literally everyone on my bench who played in a game outscored my Waiver-wire handcuff, Chester Taylor. And while that move (and the 23 Gronkowski point game) obviously would not have come close to costing me the game, the fact is that we are trying to change a losing culture here. 2nd place isn't good enough. Winning isn't good enough. Winning by almost 60 isn't good enough. NOTHING IS GOOD ENOUGH!!!!
Bonehead move- Picking up Taylor in the first place. To think I wasted a transaction on a guy who scored 3 points for me in a 59 point win. Unbelieveable. And it's not like I didn't have other running backs- Michael Bush and Brandon Jacobs, each put up a double-digit on my bench. Oh well. No time to savor this win, only to beat ourselves up over the things we sucked at and try to get better
just enough for next week so that we can still beat ourselves up afterwards about how we need to get keep getting better.
Week 4- After a huge win, the Snow Flurries had to travel to Team Moose
(his team's real name is some sort of leet speak, which I refuse to acknowledge) to take on the leader of the other division. I was worried going in- sure, my team was the highest scoring team 2 out of the 3 weeks, but Moose was high scorer the other week. Nevertheless, I knew this was a chance to flex my muscles against a good squad, and flex my muscles I did with a resounding 144-88 win.
What went right- Wells was again questionable most of the week, but was able to get well enough to rack up 32 points. Forte added 30 and McFadden 11. It's hard to lose a game when your starting RBs contribute 73 points. The Raven Defense also went ape, racking up 37 points.
What went wrong- Despite Graham being nothing but awesome for me all season and having a favorable matchup against the Jaguars, I subbed Gronkowski. At the time, Gronkowski had been almost matching Calvin Johnson's prolific TD stretch, and with Brady on my team, I figured I could use the Teammate Connection extra points. Of course Gronkowski scored 1 point while Graham scored 20. I hope Jimmy didn't take the demotion personally. Manningham also scored 1 point, while Nelson and his 15 languished on the bench.
Bonehead play- If I would have played Graham or Nelson, I could have had the high score in our league. I won handily, so I can't complain too much. It just would have netted me an extra $1.
Week 5- We must protect this house!!! After spending much of my first two years of Fantasy Football with sub-.500 records, the weight of a possible 5-0 start has literally whipped me into a blood lust frenzy. I'm doing
9-0 yard analysis, researching waiver-wire players, evaluating future matchups, and sacrificing squirrels to the football gods. Actually, that last one isn't true. It was chipmunks. KIDDING. So an intra-divisional matchup against Team Dennis awaits my team in Week 5. This is a trap game if there ever was one. Team Dennis is tied for second place, just sort of lurking back there, while my team is coming off of 3 high-profile matchups in a row (with a grudge match against Fergy lurking in Week 6). Add in the fact that bye weeks are coming up and these slackers are eyeing their paid vacations...there's a big chance that my team could fall flat on its face. And right on cue, the Snow Flurries fall way behind early, then again late, and need almost every second of football to pull out a 90-79 win over Dennis.
What went right- It's easy to keep your chin up and play hard when you're winning easily. Much less easy to keep plugging away when things aren't going your way. My guys could have just thrown in the towel, accepted a divisional lead tie, and got ready for next week. The fact that they battled back in an ugly, rock-em/sock-em type affair tells me a lot about the character of my team. It doesn't hurt that I got 16 points from bye-week starter Giants D (who I picked up earlier in the week), 13 points from Graham (whew! He doesn't hate me), and 15 clutch MNF points from Forte.
What went wrong- Williams volunatrily signs up for purgatory by scoring 0 points. McFadden struggles to put up 6 points, and Brady's off game of 17 fails to keep pace with Brees' 25. Kendall Hunter, a bye-week fill-in who literally signed with Team Dennis on Sunday morning, scores 6 points in the late games to give Dennis a 5 point lead with only two games to go. Trying to keep myself from going crazy, I tell myself that this is a manhood test, and if I can't have two players score 6 points then I don't deserve to win. Then Nelson racks up 1 whole point, with Forte still to play against an inspired and tenacious Lions defense. Fortunately Forte scored enough for the victory, but I shouldn't have had to win like that. Partly because it's just not fair, and mostly because I left 21 points from Victor Cruz on the bench.
Bonehead move- I don't qualify sitting Cruz over Nelson and Williamsas a bonehead move- I don't. Even though I've butted heads with the Experts in the past, I agreed with the assessment that time was needed to properly evaluate the roles of Manningham and Cruz. Now it is clear that Cruz is a player to watch, and Manningham can still be solid. But I didn't want to chance it at the expense of Nelson (who has always been solid) and Williams (who I just wish didn't suck so bad).
Week 6- Ah Fergy, my nemesis. Other teams have beat me, but no one has beat me the way Fergy has. Including the consolation game last year, I went 0-3 versus Fergy in 2010 (1-4 lifetime). Two of my most devastating defeats have come at his hands. Fergy entered this game as the second hottest team in the league (3 game win streak) and second high scorer. So believe me, he had my full attention. And after losing our first game of the season, a 108-96 decision, he has even more of my full attention.
What went right- Brady had 20 points (we won't talk about the 2 picks he threw). Forte and McFadden each had double digits, and Nelson made his two real-game catches count for 17 fantasy points. Graham had 13 as well. Fergy left points on the bench at RB and Defense.
What went wrong- Of course, you can afford to leave points on the bench when you have two players (in his case, Aaron Rodgers and Michael Turner) combine for 56 points. Seriously, the rest of his roster did just okay. Those two guys killed me. I think Turner was out for a little jilted lover revenge, and I'm okay with that. I've moved on, right Victor? Oh yeah, that's right- Cruz choked in his first game as in the starting line-up.
Bonehead move- None, actually. At this point in the season, I have to say that I really don't have any bonehead moves to date (other than my drafting, but we'll get to that analysis after the season). It could be an artificial sense of my own accomplishment, but the fact is that my team has pretty much performed to its maximum capacity every week. Sure, we have some depth issues- especially at WR. But overall, we're humming along pretty well. We could very well be 6-0 if a couple of plays to Manningham hadn't been overturned. So I'll just stay here...at the first place ball...waiting for the prince to notice me (or the clock to strike Midnight, whichever comes first).
Week 7- Ah, the week after the first loss of the season. That's usually when the panic and paranoia sets in. It's just that usually this happens to me after Week 1, so I have much more time to right the ship. Now, despite sitting at a league-best 5-1 record, I've managed to thouroughly convince myself that I'm destined to watch the playoffs from the sideline. Every future matchup for my guys is like a virtual Steel Curtain. To make matters worse, this week I'm playing 1-5 El Diablo. On paper, this should be a cake walk for me. His team is missing most of his potent weapons due to bye weeks, and I'm projected to win 141-48. But I think back to last year, and how he was 4-0 and I was 0-4, and I defeated him- so I'm not taking this matchup lightly at all. You wouldn't know it though by my effort. Sure, I bring home the 73-51 win. But that's just about all I'll be bringing home from this turd sandwich.
What went right- Matt Forte scores 24 points on foreign soil, which unfortunately is not subject to the exchange rate but is still quite impressive. Graham ends up with 17 (and the eventual game winning points). The Ravens D scores 15. And Joe Flacco sucks almost as much as Matt Cassel.
What went wrong- Wells and McFadden both go down with first half injuries. Cassel throws 2 picks, has a TD pass overturned, and finishes with 2 points. Nick Novak racks up a grand total of 3 points at K (while Neil Rackers enjoys his 11 points on waivers). Let's see, what did I miss? Oh yeah- how about DeMarco Murrays 33 (on the bench), Mike Williams 7 (on the bench) and Doug Baldwin's 0- right out in front for everyone to see.
Bonehead move- Sigh...I almost wish that I could say I've had some bonehead moves. But really, my logic was sound. My methods, flawless. I couldn't have known that two of my top-three RBs would get injured. And sure, Wells was going against Pittsburgh, which is more like Sarlac Pit-tsburgh for RBs- but he's
El Hombre for the Cardinals. I knew Murray would get some totes for the Pokes- but who knew he'd have 253 yards?
The problem with having a team perform at it's peak every week is that you feel so hopeless when things go wrong. When your guys aren't performing, you're just watching the seconds tick away, and there isn't anything you can do about it. At least if I make a misplay or a bonehead move, I can pass the blame. I can blame the experts for poor predicting. I can blame Eli Manning for not throwing the ball to Manningham more. I can even blame myself for making the bad play.
The funny thing is that I'm sitting at 6-1 and I feel worse about my team than I did a year ago at 3-4. What kind of monster am I? Who has made me this way? I know that I am a messed up human being. But this is 'Living' my friends- and I wouldn't have it any other way. Unless I could.
