Draftstravaganza 2012: The desert

So look, I'm really sorry- I had no intention of turning this into a three course meal (and even less intention of that meal stretching on for over a week).  I honestly intended to (as I have in the past) just have one big 'ol slop fest draft recap as I have in the past.  But then one thing led to another, and before I knew it I had just plates and plates full of goodness.  So believe me when I say that this isn't some sham, some blatant attempt to bump up post count.  I really just want you to observe healthy reading habits.

Round 8
Didn't get: Stephen Gostkowski, K- Okay, if Stephen Gostkowski comes back and scores 20 points per game, I'll bite my tongue, grovel on over to the Patriots practice facility, and wash his feet with the tears of my sorrow.  Otherwise, I pass on kickers in the 8th round so I can draft guys like...
Mark Ingram, RB Although this wasn't a guy I really wanted to get (and I had originally planned on getting a D or a TE here), my hand was forced by the lack of appealing depth at the RB position.  Besides, I felt I could get a TE/Def of value with my next couple of picks.  No way this comes back to bite me.
Could have had: Ravens D- Not only does it come back to bite me, but it bites me right on my most tender, vulnerable parts.  I really REALLY wanted the Ravens D.  I gush about Jordy Nelson and Jimmy and the Gronk, but the Ravens were the second leading scorer for my team last year and a very integral part of the success that I we had.  Huge loss for the Flurries here.

Round 9
Didn't get: Ryan Williams, RB- After going the whole draft not really wanting to draft anyone (and getting them anyways), I have back to back picks missing out on targeted players.  I really wanted Williams- I have a good feeling about him, tough runner and playing behind Beanie Wells.  Who, as you may remember from last year, is a human get-hurt machine.  I respond to the disappointment by deftly drafting...
Jared Cook, TE- Pay attention class, because you may have just heard the first and last times that you hear someone use "deftly drafting" and "Jared Cook" together in a sentence ever again.  Sure, he's a mega-talented potential sleeper guy- and we all know those guys always pan out.  I justify this pick by my need for depth.  Depth is the word you keep telling myself after you draft another guy that A) you haven't heard of and B) you aren't very excited about.
Could have had: LeGarrette Blount, RB- After the debacle that was the 2011 Tampa  Bay Buccaneers offense, I suppose I can forgive myself for not taking a flyer on their up-and-down RB.  I just hope LeGarrette doesn't catch wind of this and punch me in the face.

Round 10
Didn't get: RGIII, QB- Another bummer.  Obviously I didn't need a QB.  I already have Brady and then I went ahead and drafted Rivers.  But after Newtongate last year, you better believe I was in 'Buy low/sell high' mode here.  Having missed out on the opportunity to draft another multi-talented rookie QB, I decided to drown my sorrows by drafting...
Eagles D Which actually makes me feel more depressed.  I think these guys will get lots of sacks here, and DeSean Jackson is still returning kicks/punts I'm assuming...and instead of drowning my sorrows, I'm sitting next to them at the bar and picking up their tab.  
Could have had: Mason Crosby, K- With all due respect to the person that drafted a kicker here, this pick perfectly represents why we're headed to a Fantasy Football lockout.  The owners can't help themselves.  Crosby will have a good season- but will he be that much better than any other kicker?  I'm willing to take wager that he's not.

Round 11
Didn't get: Jon Baldwin, WR- Look, Baldwin is one of those guys with Atlas-level potential and world-class measurables.  He's probably a very fine sleeper pick with the potential to be a star.  But don't you see the conflict of interest here?  He plays on the same team that Dwayne Bowe does.  Dwayne Bowe.  Dwayne and I spent the entire 2011 season apart, and while I welcomed him home with open arms, I have to admit that there's still some trust issues that need to be resolved.  I can't just take another Kansas City receiver six rounds after Dwayne- it'd be devastating to him, which (more importantly) would be devastating to our team (and thus devastating to me, which is what it's really all about).  So good luck, Jon Baldwin (just not at the expense of NORTH Michigan's favorite son).  And even more conditional good luck to my 11th round pick...
Steelers D-I try not to think about what might have been.  See, we did our draft with the usual 16 rounds- but our teams only have 15 roster spots.  That means, for the first time ever, owners across the Center League had to make cuts.  Real cuts, not just the "You suck so I'm gonna find someone better" cuts- cuts that make dudes have to go out and apply for unemployment or sign up for Michigan works.  Or, in my case, like 20-30 dudes, since I cut an entire defense worth of dudes.  I'm not sure who I should apologize to first- the guys I had to cut, or the taxpayers that are going to be bearing a disproportionate burden for these suddenly-unemployed millionaires. 
Could have had: Toby Gerhart, RB- I have been reading some Matthew Berry articles over the past couple of weeks- I've read his stuff before and enjoyed it, but I'm really digging on him this year (mostly because he is so high on guys that I drafted)- but I wish I would have read his 2012 draft manifesto before our draft, because he hammered home the importance of having lots and lots of running backs (something about how being a high scoring position with increased likelihood of lower picks striking big).  In that light, Gerhart here (who probably has a couple of weeks of being "The Man" in Minnesota while Adrian Peterson gets healthier) would have been a better pick than the castoffs I decided to go with.  I guess I just let everybody down.

Round 12
Didn't get: Brent Celek, TE- "Well, my season is shot.  I didn't land Brent Celek in the draft"- Said nobody, ever.
Greg Little, WR- It only took about 12 rounds, but I was finally able to draft someone in a round where I felt I should be drafting them (obviously not counting Dwayne Bowe here).  The latest champion of the Big Man On Crap-pus Draft (BMOC) Philosophy that I am currently swearing by- I'll be honest, I've never heard of this guy (probably because he plays for Cleveland), but the Experts tell me he's their best player.  Whatever that means.  
Could have had: Jacquizz Rodgers, RB- A nice little sleeper back, but every time I say his name I have to rinse my mouth out.  NOTE: Probably don't watch the video around children.

Round 13
Didn't get: Davone Bess, WR- Another disappointed miss, Bess is on the fast track to the BMOC All-Stars as well.  The only consolation that I had about missing out on this guy was that I was able to draft...
Randy Moss, WR- Before there was Dwayne, there was Randy.  Randy and I didn't have anything nearly as special as Dwayne and I, but Randy was the first bonafide superstar that I had on my roster, and the first guy I was heartbroken to get rid of.  I'm sure he's just a shell of himself now, but if he has anything left in the tank, anything at all- we could be fifteen minutes away from magic time.
Could have had: Bills D- I know, I know.  Yawn, right?  Well, apparently the fantasy football TV talking head guys on the NFL Network's fantasy show are really high on these guys (at least for week 1, anyways).  I've said this before, and I'll say it again- isn't it a conflict of interest for the NFL to have people talking about the players fantasy prospects?  It's like if life was like a fantasy sporting event, and you could draft a fantasy "family" (actually this idea is sort of intriguing to me).  Now imagine that I was on a TV show about that league and people were asking whether they should draft my wife and I said "Well, Sara is guaranteed to give you four to five Hot Meals/week (6 points per) but can be very Nagging (-3 points) and Cold/Emotionally Distant (-5 points), so I wouldn't draft her before the 12th round".  IMMEDIATE NOTE: Sara is not those things, I'm just using them for the purpose of illustration.  What was I trying to illustrate again?  Oh yeah, that's right: I don't really mind not getting the Bills D.

Round 14
Didn't get: Garrett Hartley, K- Any other year, I would have bemoaned the lost opportunity to draft a Saints kicker.  I don't have any actual stats, but I'm pretty sure if you're a kicker on a Drew Brees team, you're fantasy gold.  But with all the turmoil around the Saints this year, and all of the coaching turnover (seriously- when has a team ever had to get an interim coach to fill in for their interim coach), I'm not 100% sold on New Orleans.  However, I am drinking up all of the Bears Kool-aid I can get my stubby little mitts on.  Hence my final round drafting of....
Robbie Gould, K- All the smart guys say this, so I'm saying it now too.  Oh crap.  I forgot what they're saying.  Kickers.  It's something about kickers.  And little consistency year-to-year...oh, and always available.  Unreliable.  That was another word.  Still, I think the Bears attack is going to be pretty potent this year, and Gould stands in good position to get some serious points.  But really, he's a kicker and his name isn't Nick Folk, so we're good.  And yes, to my repeat readers, I'm going to stick with that Nick Folk joke again.  Probably next year too.  Actually I have it leased until 2017.  So about five more years of the Nick Folk joke.
Could have had: Daniel Thomas, RB- On one hand, he's a RB whose name I've heard of being drafted in a round where most of us are grabbing K.  This pick has mega-steal written all over it.  On the other hand, he plays for the Dolphins....

Yeah, I think I'm glad I passed.

So that's my draft recap (finally).  The season starts today, and the Snow Flurries are ready to defend our league best record and second-round exit.  In the words of The Rock, Bring It!

Snow Flurries 2011- The March of the Penguins continues

Do you know why I'm writing about my Fantasy Football team this week?  Do you?  Huh, huh?  Do ya do ya do ya????  Also, imagine I'm pretending to poke you while being about a half inch from you.  Sorry about the over exuberance- I just can't help it.  I'm on a bye week this week!  Do you even know what that  means?  Why, simply this- I had one of the top two records (well, actually the best record...just saying) , so while the playoffs are starting for the rest of my league, me and my boys are going to be sitting beside a pool somewhere in Marquette and...okay, well it's like 1°F with a wind chill of -9°F right now, so we're probably not at an outdoor pool...come to think of it we're probably in like a Best Western or something.  Man, this sucks.  Wish we were playing.

Anyhow, sorry if that came across a little bit insufferably jerky- it's just that you literally no idea how shocked and surprised I am that my team has not only done well this year- but it has done VERY well.  Sure, I could lose next week and go home with the consolation prize of 'Paper Champion'.  But for a guy who had never had a winning season before, to have the best team in the league this late in the season...well, it's a pretty big deal.  And so over the next couple weeks, I will probably continue to write insufferable jerk things about my Fantasy team (even more so if I actually, you know, win at all in the playoffs). 

But I know you really love this because you've seen me bare my heart and soul on these pages, and you know the pain and suffering I've endured the last two years and you're probably just really happy for me.  Therefore I'll continue to indulge you with what is essentially "Chicken Soup for the Fantasy Football player's soul".


 Week 8- This week, I realized that the term 'Fantasy Football' is actually quite a misnomer.  See, if this was my 'fantasy', then my best players would never have bye weeks at the same time, they would never get hurt, and they would always have 'green' matchups.  So in reality, "Fantasy" Football usually ends up being "AARRGGH  FRICKING STUPID #*%*" Football and I hate it.  Week 8 found me facing the expansion L'Anse SHEagles, with (so I thought) all three of my top RBs out (two with bye weeks) and many of my other players caught in 'red' matchups (Note: I'm not actually going to explain the difference between 'green' and 'red'.  Feel free to make up your own definitions).  My team was brave and almost pulled out the win, but ended up on the short end of a 113-102 score.
What went right-Victor Cruz (15) and Mario Manningham (12) looked good in my WR corps.  Nick Novak had 15 in the K slot.  And I only lost by 11 points.  So that's a good thing- a positive I can build off of, right?  RIGHT????

This doesn't have anything to do with this article- but anytime you can post a picture of a football player peeing on the sidelines...well, you do it.  You just do.

What went wrong- Earlier, I alluded to the belief that my top three RBs were unavailable to play for me.  Of course, Beanie Wells wasn't really out- he just let me think he was all week.  He must have had, like, his own personal healing crusade, going from "season ending injury" to "maybe see some action versus the Angry Ravens" to "14 points".  Thanks Beanie.  Thanks for the heads up.  JERK.  Tom Brady struggled so badly in Pittsburgh (even though he had 19 points) that I seriously went out and started checking out other QBs.  What's that- Curtis Painter is still availble?  Interesting (strokes chin)....  It didn't help that all the NFL talking heads kept going on and on about how the league had figured out how to stop the Patriots.  
Bonehead move- Analyzing each game like it's a middle school relationship.  Seriously, I am running out of ways to discuss my inability to grasp reality when it comes to Fantasy Football.  Aside from the whole 'it's not really real' aspect, I cannot understand my lack of understanding that, despite having poor matchups and some injuries, I almost won this game.  This was not a bad loss- and yet, mentally, the dip to a 6-2 record somehow forced me to tighten the belt-strap of my positive outlook and plan for another playoff-less year.  After an 11 point loss.  Dear God, what's wrong with me????

Week 9- Oh, great.  A matchup with War Machine, my other nemesis- just when things are falling apart.  Perfect!  That's just great.  This is the guy that knocked me out of the playoffs a couple years ago.  This is the guy that I always seem to make some really dumb move when I'm playing against him that costs me the game.  And while I didn't get the most out of my matchups this week, I was able to pull off a 102-99 thriller.   
What went right- I'm going to have to start calling Matt Forte "The Closer", since for whatever reason he always seems to be one of my last players playing and has never failed to score enough points to secure the win.  This week he had 11, which paired with DeSean Jackson's 0, enabled me to eek out the improbable victory.  Of course, it wouldn't have been so improbable if I hadn't left Gronkowski's 17 and Nelsons 17 on the bench.  Brady ended my brief flirtation with Painter by scoring 20, and Michael Bush had 18 in relief of the injured RunDMC.
What went wrong- Once again I'm bitten by the "Smart move turned stupid by WTFness".  DeMarch Murry, a third round pick who had been playing semi-sporadically, racks up 18 points against the #6 defense.  Obviously I sat him.  Beanie Wells, meanwhile, faced off against the next-to-last ranked defense- and accumulated a whole 3 points.  Obviously I played him. 
Bonehead move- I think it's because I'm starting to realize that this whole thing is a crapshoot and there really are no great or bonehead moves except in hindsight, but I probably played my roster the right way this week.  Even though I left lots of points on the bench, my theories behind them were usually sound, and things just didn't turn out the way I thought they would.  Wait a minute, was that cool-headed logic I just applied?  I think I need to lie down.

Week 10- Whew!  That was close.  No time to enjoy a hard earned win though- not with Bullies coming into town for a rematch.  A win coupled with a loss by War Machine or Disco will guarantee me a playoff spot.  And I did my part (almost doubling him up, 158-80, as my team remembers that it kicks serious ass), therefore reducing the magic number to clinching not just a playoff spot- but the division- to 1 game. 
What went right- I had 7 of 9 guys go for double digits.  Brady had 32 and put Curtis Painter so far back on the rear view mirror he looks like Kurt Cobain.  Bush had 30 on the Thursday night game, which gave me a little bit of relief after a couple stress-filled Sabbaths.  Murray had 23 and Nelson had 18. 
What went wrong- Picking nits, but Gronkowski had 24 points on my bench.  When you win by 78 it's difficult sometimes to pick out the bad.  Which you have to do, or these slackers will turn soft.
Bonehead move- At this point, things are going the best they ever have in my Fantasy Football career.  My roster, as I've said before, often sets itself.  I have tremendous depth at RB and TE, with a great QB, a solid D, and enough points from WR and K to fill in the blanks.  No bonehead move this week.  Other than Gronkowski. 

Week 11- A rematch with Disco, who has turned things around (4-1 in his last 5) and is now in the thick of the playoff hunt.  A win here and I pretty much clinch the division.  And (as I like to think I am wont to do in such situations) I put the lumber to Disco, 137-65 (my 2nd straight week of high scoringness) and clinch the division.  Hello, playoffs- it's been awhile!
What went right- Hmmm....should I start with Nelson's 25?  Or how about Gronkowskis 21?  Maybe Brady should get some props for his 20.  But I'll give the props to Cruz, who had 19 and is pretty much the best waiver wire pick-up I've ever had.  A special shout-out to Kevin Smith for the huge, HUGE game he had for the Lions.  No, he wasn't on my roster- and Disco didn't leave him on the bench.  No, Smith was racking up 39 points for the Lions for the Knights while Mercury Morris (starting for team Disco) was more importantly not racking up those points. 
What went wrong- Nothing for me (other than Mike Williams' 14 point resurrection from the dead) - but poor Disco.  Chris Johnson continued his campaign to forever be the highest paid RB by making sure other teams never ever give contract extensions to their RBs again.  This time, it was a 2 point stinker.  Of course, there's not too much sympathy from a former 4-9 squad given to the 2-time defending champs.  I just needed to write something about Chris Johnson and how much he sucks this year. 
Bonehead move- None.  Zip.  Zero.  I was flawless this week.  Well, other than I could have played Mike Williams and got some more points.  But then I would have had to play Mike Williams.  And that would have been a bonehead move.

Week 12- So this must be what retirement is like- you work, work, work for your whole lifetime (or in this case, 11 weeks) and when you're done, you just kind of...sit there, I guess?  Because having clinched the division and a first round bye with 2 weeks to go...I'm not sure what I should do.  I can't rest my starters, because they aren't really resting- so I guess I'll just keep kicking ass and taking names.  This week I rematch against Team Knights, and since the Lions (which are the lifeblood of the Knights) play on Turkey day, I knew that by Friday I would know whether or not I'd most likely win or not.  And it turns out that I did win, rather handily, by a score of 153-90.  For the third straight week (and fifth time overall) I have the highest score in the league.  At this point I keep pinching myself to makOUCH!!  Yup.  Not dreaming.
What went right- Tom (35 points) you know I wouldn't have traded you for real, right?  Please tell me you know my sudden infatuation with Curtis Painter was mostly because I saw him from behind.  You've always been the QB for me, Tom.  Jimmy Graham (20), Cruz (28), and the Ravens D (25) all crack the 20 mark.  And sadly (for the Lions fan who lives somewhere in the closet of my brain) the Lions struggle, which means that Team Knights struggled.
What went wrong- But it's a good thing the Lions struggled- because I would have been simply livid with myself had my sitting of Beanie Wells (and his 28 points) came back to bite me.  I know, I know- he was playing against the Rams- how could I sit him?  To which I would have replied, 'How could I not sit him?'.  Last time they played the Rams, he had 2 whole points.  I remember that game, because I had been so excited to play him against the Rams- 2 points.  2!  Additionally, they said he was pretty banged up.  And John Skelton was his QB.  So that's why I sat him.  And his 28 points.  But it wasn't just wells.  Even Donald Brown had 15 points.  And Mike Williams had 12.  It's like my bench guys are starting to riot.  There's too many points- I can't keep them under control, warden!!!
Bonehead move- Having my bench guys use up their cosmically allotted groups of points.  I didn't need any extra points, fellas!  I won by 63 this week.  Why didn't you use those earlier this year, Mike?  Beanie, where were some of those 28 points the last time you played the Rams?  YOU'RE KILLING ME GUYS!!!  KILLING ME!!!

Week 13- A late season divisional rematch against Dennis with...well, nothing on the line?  The stakes in this pre-playoff tune-up are....surprisingly low?  My goodness.  What a crazy year this has been.  But I've been rolling, and life's been good.  I clinched a playoff spot a few weeks ago, clinched the division last week, and Week 12 saw me clinch the top overall seed.  What to play for, really?  I guess 11-2 looks better than 10-3- and who wouldn't want to enter the playoffs on a high note, right?  So obviously I went out and won 106-91 to cap what has been (and will most likely be) the most glorious year of my Fantasy Football career.
What went right- This win largely came down to luck as opposed to skill.  Stephen Jackson (for Dennis) was playing against the 49ers behind the immortal A.J. Feeley.  Given those two facts, his 2 points was probably more like 13-14.  Brady (23) and Gronkowski (24) combined for almost 50 points, and the Ravens D had 27.
What went wrong- Forget about the fact that Bush and Murray each had only 3 points while Wells (12) and Brown (11) languished on my bench. The Closer got hurt early in the Chiefs game.  It didn't hurt me this week, and it might not even hurt me in the playoffs (since I'm freaking LOAD-ed).  Still, if there's ever a time when you want your #1 RB to get a season ending injury, it's definitely not in a meaningless tune-up game right before the playoffs.  Seriously Matt- I'm sorry.  I'm sorry that I played you- I just...well, I just felt the peer pressure, and those guys are all still fighting for their playoff lives (bless their hearts) and I didn't want to make it seem like I was being unfair, and I....okay, I'll stop.  Just please, get better soon!
Bonehead move- Leaving my RB situation potentially in the hands of a rookie, a Colt, and Beanie Wells.  Seriously.  I think that my WRs are going to have to carry me now in the playoffs, and while they've shown that they theoretically can do that...I don't even want to go there.  I need to go lie down again.

So I'll be honest- this season review was hard to write.  When things are going poorly, it's so much easier for words to flow like water from the broken places of my soul onto the screen.  But man, when things are going good?  It's just a pain in the butt to try and think of ways to celebrate my awesomeness.  I only came up with, like, five. 

As far as the playoffs, I think I have a real good shot at taking it all.  But I also know that anything can happen.  For instance, if the playoffs had started this week (and I didn't have my, you know, FIRST ROUND PLAYOFF BYE!!!!!)
then most of the teams in our league would have bounced me from the playoffs.  So we'll see what happens.  The only thing I know for sure is that a huge episode of pain and misery is only one misplay or one injury away.  Ah yes, there's that good old defeatist cynicism I've been missing!

PIC-Chicken soup- http://www.blogcdn.com/www.kitchendaily.com/media/2010/05/chicken-in-pot-240.jpg
Novak- http://larrybrownsports.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/nick-novak-peeing-530x363.jpg

2011 NORTH Michigan Snow Flurries- Weeks 1-7 (The Snow Job)

A couple weeks ago, I was talking with my cousin Chris.  It was on a Monday night- the Monday night when the Lions whupped the Bears on Monday Night Football.  I suppose it was the first time the Lions had been on Monday Night football since the Mesozoic era.  Anyways, during our conversation Fantasy Football came up.  It's pretty rare for me to talk about football and somehow not relate it back to Fantasy Football.  Sort of like how I can't talk about anything without relating it back to Fantasy Football.

I told him about my dilemma about having Matt Forte of the Bears on my team.  I was losing my game, and I needed Forte to get a bunch of yards and/or touchdowns- just not at the expense of a Lions win.  Chris explained that these types of scenarios were the reason he quit Fantasy Football.  An intelligent viewpoint, by the way.  I told him that I wished I wasn't like this, but that I just can't help myself.  Rationally, I can't think of a reason to stay.  Emotionally, I can't leave.

The amalgamation, of course, is what keeps me coming back.  That unadulterated combination of emotion and logic sets all of the gears in my brain on fire at once, and it takes me to places in my creative soul that I could never find on my own.  If there was something else that could do for me what Fantasy Football does then surely I would switch.  But for right now, this is where it is at- a place I like to call 'Living'.

In case you're wondering what the hang is going on, I'm giving you a review of the first half of my Fantasy Football season.  Completely absurd, by the way.  But if you've been around these parts before, you know that ridiculousness is my modus operandi.   

I thought about waiting until the season was over, but I decided against it.  For one thing, it is therapeutic for me to write while in-season.  It releases all of the shennanigans and ridiculousness and overreactions into cyberspace, and gets me on a nice-even keel.  Just in time for the playoffs, when my idiocy amps it up to 11.  Additionally, my team is 6-1.  This is the best record I've ever had, and since I am completely an utterly hopelessly cynical about the nature of Fantasy Football, I believe this is probably the best it will ever be. 

So with that inspiring intro, I present to you the first half of the NORTH Michigan Snow Flurries 2011 season. 

Week 1- After what happened last year, my only hope was to make it through my matchup against expansion franchise Team Knights with zero injuries.  Well I did that-and a little more, as my team comes out with guns blazing in a 162-133 victory and the Snow Flurries first-ever 1-0 start.
What went right- Tom Brady, where have you been all my life?  After having a revolving door at quarterback the last couple years, I finally have a guy that I can just plug in weekly and assume that 20+ points are in the bag.  This week Brady went off for 44- a Snow Flurries record and my first 40+ point game ever.  (Holding back the tears) I feel so proud- it's as I had a son, and my son was an NFL QB and he threw for 517 yards and 4 TD on Monday Night Football.  I love you son!

But les Averses de Neige are not a one-man band.  My starting backfield (Darren McFadden, Matt Forte, Beanie Wells) combined for 53 points.  The Ravens 'D' (29 points) justified my blind faith in them.  Except for Mario Manningham, all my guys score doubled digits.  I also benefited from my opponents misplay, as the Knights left 2 guys on the bench with 25+ points each.
What went wrong- When you win by almost 30, you really didn't do anything wrong except think that you did.  It took approximately one half of football on a Thursday for me to start kicking myself over points (Jordy Nelson's 13) left on the bench.  Understand- there's no logical reason why I would have started Nelson over Manningham and Tampa Bay Mike Williams.  They're all good receivers.  But the fact that Nelson scored more points than either of them means that I spent most of Friday and a good part of Saturday kicking myself over a "misplay" that wasn't even a misplay.  How pathetic is that?  PLEASE DO NOT ANSWER
Bonehead move- Playing in a second league.  I now realize that my emotions (which are already tattered, frail messes on Sundays) will constantly be battered and torn apart even more, because it is now possible that I will be facing off against players that I own in an alternate universe.  Let me break it down.

After the 1:00 round of games, I was trailing 100-78, but I was feeling pretty good about my chances.  I still had four players to go (Brady, McFadden, Wells, and Manningham), and my opponent only had Steve Smith I.  Smith was playing in his first game since retiring in 2008, so I...oh.  He didn't retire.  What happened then?  Did he fall off the face of the world?  Because I don't remember him playing the last couple of seasons.  Are you sure he didn't die? 

Of course I will remember him now because of his career resurrection in which he torched me for 33 points that he also scored for me.  Head...spinning...grey...hair...starting...

Week 2- The Snow Flurries have their first chance ever to go 2-0, which is a lot like 1-0 except it's twice as good.  I spent all week getting ready for Team Fergy, a constant thorn in my side, only to find out there was a scheduling screw-up and my opponent was changed to the Castrated Bulls (formerly the Bullies).  If Fergy is the thorn in my side, then the Bulls are like a giant flaming ACME safe and I am Wile Coyote. Despite the short notice, my team adapts quickly and walks away with a 140-121 victory.
What went right- Brady fell back to Earth this week, scoring "only" 36 points.  My draft "strategy" (it should be noted that the use of "my" and "strategy" in the same sentence is something of a misnomer) of drafting versatile RBs pays off as neither Forte or McFadden rush for over 100 yards and yet both have over 15 poitns.  7 of my 9 players end up in double digits, including Nelson, who scored all 14 of his points on one play late in the 4th quarter of his real game. 
What went wrong- Rob Gronkowski's 20 points would have looked heckabetter in my lineup than on my bench.  And Mike Williams had 0 points.  A goose egg.  Mike, how are you going to come into my house, eat my food, sleep on my couch, and disrespect me like that.  You know what dawg- I ain't even mad at you.  We're 2-0, baby!  Last year....well, last year, I'd have been figuring out a way to arrange a short walk on a long cliff for Tampa Mike.

Wait- don't you mean a long walk on a short cliff?

Um, no- obviously he'd die!  Duh!
Bonehead move- Pfftt.  Please.  We're 2-0.  I have the top scoring team in the league at this point.  My roster practically sets itself.  There is no bonehead moving this squad- you'd have to have a football pedigree of like, Matt Millen or something.  STOP- don't you dare say anything.

Week 3- A killer early season matchup against the two time defending champs and my team is dinged up.  I'm a little worried about the toughness of my team.  This is our Super Bowl- and you guys want a week off?  I had a guy come back from the dead last year- I don't want to hear about your wussy injuries. Hamstring? Please. What are you, pig shoes? Concussion? You can't just make up fancy words and pass them off as legitimate injuries.  ARRGGH- youngsters these days.  Oh well- despite not being at full strength, my team is still strong enough to shock the champs 145-86.
What went right- Brady, McFadden, and Raven's D outscore Disco's entire team.  Even with his top scorers at each position, I would have still won the game.  Graham overcomes a 0-point first half to finish with 17, and Neil Rackers bangs home 15 big ones at the K spot.  Discos' big guns (Phillip Rivers and Chris Johnson) combine for 13 points. 
What went wrong- My WRs only have 8 points.  I leave points on the bench at RB because Beanie Wells is too wimpy hurt to play and literally everyone on my bench who played in a game outscored my Waiver-wire handcuff, Chester Taylor.  And while that move (and the 23 Gronkowski point game) obviously would not have come close to costing me the game, the fact is that we are trying to change a losing culture here.  2nd place isn't good enough.  Winning isn't good enough.  Winning by almost 60 isn't good enough.  NOTHING IS GOOD ENOUGH!!!!
Bonehead move- Picking up Taylor in the first place.  To think I wasted a transaction on a guy who scored 3 points for me in a 59 point win.  Unbelieveable.  And it's not like I didn't have other running backs- Michael Bush and Brandon Jacobs, each put up a double-digit on my bench.  Oh well.  No time to savor this win, only to beat ourselves up over the things we sucked at and try to get better just enough for next week so that we can still beat ourselves up afterwards about how we need to get keep getting better.

Week 4- After a huge win, the Snow Flurries had to travel to Team Moose (his team's real name is some sort of leet speak, which I refuse to acknowledge) to take on the leader of the other division.  I was worried going in- sure, my team was the highest scoring team 2 out of the 3 weeks, but Moose was high scorer the other week.  Nevertheless, I knew this was a chance to flex my muscles against a good squad, and flex my muscles I did with a resounding 144-88 win.

What went right- Wells was again questionable most of the week, but was able to get well enough to rack up 32 points.  Forte added 30 and McFadden 11.  It's hard to lose a game when your starting RBs contribute 73 points.  The Raven Defense also went ape, racking up 37 points. 
What went wrong-  Despite Graham being nothing but awesome for me all season and having a favorable matchup against the Jaguars, I subbed Gronkowski.  At the time, Gronkowski had been almost matching Calvin Johnson's prolific TD stretch, and with Brady on my team, I figured I could use the Teammate Connection extra points.  Of course Gronkowski scored 1 point while Graham scored 20.  I hope Jimmy didn't take the demotion personally.  Manningham also scored 1 point, while Nelson and his 15 languished on the bench.
Bonehead play- If I would have played Graham or Nelson, I could have had the high score in our league.  I won handily, so I can't complain too much.  It just would have netted me an extra $1.

Week 5- We must protect this house!!!  After spending much of my first two years of Fantasy Football with sub-.500 records, the weight of a possible 5-0 start has literally whipped me into a blood lust frenzy.  I'm doing 9-0 yard analysis, researching waiver-wire players, evaluating future matchups, and sacrificing squirrels to the football gods.  Actually, that last one isn't true.  It was chipmunks.  KIDDING.  So an intra-divisional matchup against Team Dennis awaits my team in Week 5.  This is a trap game if there ever was one.  Team Dennis is tied for second place, just sort of lurking back there, while my team is coming off of 3 high-profile matchups in a row (with a grudge match against Fergy lurking in Week 6).  Add in the fact that bye weeks are coming up and these slackers are eyeing their paid vacations...there's a big chance that my team could fall flat on its face.  And right on cue, the Snow Flurries fall way behind early, then again late, and need almost every second of football to pull out a 90-79 win over Dennis. 
What went right- It's easy to keep your chin up and play hard when you're winning easily.  Much less easy to keep plugging away when things aren't going your way.  My guys could have just thrown in the towel, accepted a divisional lead tie, and got ready for next week.  The fact that they battled back in an ugly, rock-em/sock-em type affair tells me a lot about the character of my team.  It doesn't hurt that I got 16 points from bye-week starter Giants D (who I picked up earlier in the week), 13 points from Graham (whew!  He doesn't hate me), and 15 clutch MNF points from Forte.
What went wrong- Williams volunatrily signs up for purgatory by scoring 0 points.  McFadden struggles to put up 6 points, and Brady's off game of 17 fails to keep pace with Brees' 25.  Kendall Hunter, a bye-week fill-in who literally signed with Team Dennis on Sunday morning, scores 6 points in the late games to give Dennis a 5 point lead with only two games to go.  Trying to keep myself from going crazy, I tell myself that this is a manhood test, and if I can't have two players score 6 points then I don't deserve to win.  Then Nelson racks up 1 whole point, with Forte still to play against an inspired and tenacious Lions defense.  Fortunately Forte scored enough for the victory, but I shouldn't have had to win like that.  Partly because it's just not fair, and mostly because I left 21 points from Victor Cruz on the bench.
Bonehead move- I don't qualify sitting Cruz over Nelson and Williamsas a bonehead move- I don't.  Even though I've butted heads with the Experts in the past, I agreed with the assessment that time was needed to properly evaluate the roles of Manningham and Cruz.  Now it is clear that Cruz is a player to watch, and Manningham can still be solid.  But I didn't want to chance it at the expense of Nelson (who has always been solid) and Williams (who I just wish didn't suck so bad). 

Week 6- Ah Fergy, my nemesis.  Other teams have beat me, but no one has beat me the way Fergy has.  Including the consolation game last year, I went 0-3 versus Fergy in 2010 (1-4 lifetime).  Two of my most devastating defeats have come at his hands.  Fergy entered this game as the second hottest team in the league (3 game win streak) and second high scorer.  So believe me, he had my full attention.  And after losing our first game of the season, a 108-96 decision, he has even more of my full attention.
What went right- Brady had 20 points (we won't talk about the 2 picks he threw).  Forte and McFadden each had double digits, and Nelson made his two real-game catches count for 17 fantasy points.  Graham had 13 as well.  Fergy left points on the bench at RB and Defense.
What went wrong- Of course, you can afford to leave points on the bench when you have two players (in his case, Aaron Rodgers and Michael Turner) combine for 56 points.  Seriously, the rest of his roster did just okay.  Those two guys killed me.  I think Turner was out for a little jilted lover revenge, and I'm okay with that.  I've moved on, right Victor?  Oh yeah, that's right- Cruz choked in his first game as in the starting line-up. 
Bonehead move- None, actually.  At this point in the season, I have to say that I really don't have any bonehead moves to date (other than my drafting, but we'll get to that analysis after the season).  It could be an artificial sense of my own accomplishment, but the fact is that my team has pretty much performed to its maximum capacity every week. Sure, we have some depth issues- especially at WR.  But overall, we're humming along pretty well.  We could very well be 6-0 if a couple of plays to Manningham hadn't been overturned.  So I'll just stay here...at the first place ball...waiting for the prince to notice me (or the clock to strike Midnight, whichever comes first).

Week 7- Ah, the week after the first loss of the season.  That's usually when the panic and paranoia sets in.  It's just that usually this happens to me after Week 1, so I have much more time to right the ship.  Now, despite sitting at a league-best 5-1 record, I've managed to thouroughly convince myself that I'm destined to watch the playoffs from the sideline.  Every future matchup for my guys is like a virtual Steel Curtain.  To make matters worse, this week I'm playing 1-5 El Diablo.  On paper, this should be a cake walk for me.  His team is missing most of his potent weapons due to bye weeks, and I'm projected to win 141-48.  But I think back to last year, and how he was 4-0 and I was 0-4, and I defeated him- so I'm not taking this matchup lightly at all.  You wouldn't know it though by my effort.  Sure, I bring home the 73-51 win.  But that's just about all I'll be bringing home from this turd sandwich.
What went right- Matt Forte scores 24 points on foreign soil, which unfortunately is not subject to the exchange rate but is still quite impressive.  Graham ends up with 17 (and the eventual game winning points).  The Ravens D scores 15.  And Joe Flacco sucks almost as much as Matt Cassel. 
What went wrong- Wells and McFadden both go down with first half injuries.  Cassel throws 2 picks, has a TD pass overturned, and finishes with 2 points.  Nick Novak racks up a grand total of 3 points at K (while Neil Rackers enjoys his 11 points on waivers).  Let's see, what did I miss?  Oh yeah- how about DeMarco Murrays 33 (on the bench), Mike Williams 7 (on the bench) and Doug Baldwin's 0- right out in front for everyone to see.
Bonehead move- Sigh...I almost wish that I could say I've had some bonehead moves.  But really, my logic was sound.  My methods, flawless.  I couldn't have known that two of my top-three RBs would get injured.  And sure, Wells was going against Pittsburgh, which is more like Sarlac Pit-tsburgh for RBs- but he's El Hombre for the Cardinals.  I knew Murray would get some totes for the Pokes- but who knew he'd have 253 yards? 

The problem with having a team perform at it's peak every week is that you feel so hopeless when things go wrong.  When your guys aren't performing, you're just watching the seconds tick away, and there isn't anything you can do about it.  At least if I make a misplay or a bonehead move, I can pass the blame.  I can blame the experts for poor predicting.  I can blame Eli Manning for not throwing the ball to Manningham more. I can even blame myself for making the bad play.

The funny thing is that I'm sitting at 6-1 and I feel worse about my team than I did a year ago at 3-4.  What kind of monster am I?  Who has made me this way?  I know that I am a messed up human being.  But this is 'Living' my friends- and I wouldn't have it any other way.  Unless I could.

Snow Flurries Season 2: 2nd half synopsis

Sometimes, when I do these game summaries, I go back through, looking for anything that might give me an edge for the next game, or the next season. Analyzing tendencies, scouring weather reports, reading briefings. Then I remember- it's all fake. And there is no method to any of this madness.

With that said, here is how the 2nd half of my season played out.

Week 8- My first of two shots at a .500 record, and a (seemingly) favorable matchup against the Parx Rangers (my dad's team)...and I fire blanks, losing 117-96.
What went right- Recent acquiree Cardinals D fills in admirably for da' Bears by scoring 28 points. Janikowski has 15 points. I also get solid efforts from McFadden (14) and Fitzpatrick (16).
What went wrong- Apparently it was the Snow Flurries bye week, as many of my top guys (Turner, Bears D, Boldin, Smith) do not play against anyone other than themselves. Michael Crabtree scores 11 points- but he does so on the waiver wire, because I cut him to pick up Mike Williams (2 points). I feel like the ghost of Matt Millen still haunts me. Also, the one game of the season that Matthew Stafford starts and finishes- yup, it's against me. 32 points. It didn't help that Larry Fitzgerald had his highest scoring performance at 19 points.
Bonehead move- Because of all the byes, it's really tough to say because no roster combo would have netted me any more points. Sure, dropping Crabtree was a hindsight stupid, but it was his first game with Troy Smith at QB. How was I to know Troy Smith wasn't going to royally suck?

Week 9- A rematch against my brothers' Team Doomsday, with 3rd place (and a playoff spot) on the line, and my team comes through for me. HUGE. Snow Flurries win easily (sort of) 123-99.
What went right- When it's your fantasy day, it's your fantasy day. 7 of my 9 players go for double digits, and I even left points on the bench at 3 positions. My brother leaves Phillip Rivers (33 points) on the bench for Big Ben (11 points), and his K Bironas has a bye week.
What went wrong- It didn't cost me this week- but Brown outscored McFadden 15-8, and da' Bears had a 41-24 margin over the Cards' D. Like I said, it didn't cost me- but it could have.
Bonehead move- There are no bonehead moves in victory. I have to tell myself this. Because my self esteem is really low, and if I don't speak positive things to myself, I'll just fall apart.

Week 10- Chance number 2 at .500, and I fail. Utterly and completely fail. This is probably the most painful loss of my fantasy career, on many levels. Suffice it to say that my 112-110 loss to Team Fergy is still resonating deep in my happy place even today.
What went right- My team worked their asses off. Coming back from a 30+ point deficit, they scored a total that (even with my foul-ups) would have beat most other teams in the league. Dwayne Bowe is the latest child of fortune, as the Broncos jump all over the Chiefs and force them to throw the ball all the time (Bowe ends up with 31 points for me). In fact, I was leading Fergy 110-109 heading into the last game of the night- Patriots versus Steelers. More on this in a second.
What went wrong- Smith is out with an injured peck- jeez, I didn't realize that this was the La Leche league (um, just kidding Steve- hurry up and get better). I decide that the Cardinals D (18 points) playing against the Seahawks was a better choice than da Bears (35 points) against the Vikings. Now, this isn't as asinine of a move as it might seem. Matt Hasselbeck was not guaranteed to start versus the Cards, and Favre was coming off of a career high 446 yards passing. Of course- I forgot that Favre's arm fell has completely fallen off. Also, I left Todd Heap (11 points) on the bench in place of Aaron Hernandez (assuming he got lost on the way to Heinz field and just didn't show up to the game). Hernandez not only scores 0 points for the Patriots, he does so in such a fashion that the National Center for Missing Adults gets involved.
Bonehead move- Relying on human beings for this game. Why don't we do fantasy Madden? Seriously, nobody is more disappointing than human beings. You know how many different ways I could have won this game- or at least tied it- without humans making human mistakes? Josh Scobee (my fill-in kicker) misses 2 field goals. Chansi Stuckey fumbles in OT against the Jets (Fergy's D). The Chiefs miss on a pair of 2-point conversion passes to Bowe. Mike Williams misses a pass in the red zone. Jason Snelling scores 12 points against the Ravens, while his forward-up Turner racks up all of 3. And how about WHAT WAS BELICHEK THINKING!?!!? Seriously, just one week after scoring 2 TDs against the Browns, Hernandez is AWOL while fellow rookie TE Rob Gronkowski scores 3 TDs against the Steelers. 3 TDs!!! Couldn't at least one of those gone to Aaron Hernandez? Remember him- you threw a pair of scoring passes to him last week? That guy?

Week 11- This is the point where all the injuries and all the mistakes start to add up. We are a mentally weary bunch, falling apart at the wrong time. Playing my arch-nemesis War Machine and needing a win to keep my dim playoff prospects alive, the Snow Flurries instead find themselves on the short end of a 127-96 score.
What went right- I felt bad for the Dolphins. Having lost their top two QBs to injury on Sunday, having to play their 3rd string QB against the Bears on a short week (they played on Thursday), knowing how much injuries have ruined my own season- I almost left the Bears D on the bench. Almost. Then I snapped into cutthroat mode, started the Bears, and watched as they racked up 22 points in a shut-out effort. Bowe and Turner also went for 20+ each for my squad. Jeff also made a (hindsight) bad move by leaving Thomas Jones and his 19 points on the bench in exchange for the 5 points that Stephen Jackson put up.
What went wrong- My match-ups were horrible. McFadden vs. the Steelers? He was forecast for 17 points (which I knew was not going to happen)- but still, to have him only put up 2 was a huge letdown. And it wasn't like I could sit him for a more favorable match-up, because Ronnie Brown was going up against a Bears D that could afford to ignore the pass. Additionally, Aaron Rodgers racked up 39 points, which destroyed me.
Bonehead move- I played Crabtree (1 point) over Williams (11 points). The move wouldn't have won me the game- but it would have helped.

Week 12-Ah yes- the week of the trade deadline. Also known as mercenary time. In real sports, the contenders try to solidify their title hopes, the fringe playoff teams try to make that final playoff push, and the dregs try and get something to show for their talented free agents that plan on leaving during the off-season. You can probably guess which one of those categories I fall into. Needing to win both of my last 2 games and have Josh lose both of his last 2- I make a couple blockbuster deals to swing the pendulum. Unfortunately, we played against Team Disco, the highest scoring team in the league. Still, my boys gave it their all. Despite trailing by over 50 points at one time, the Snow Flurries battled bravely and fell by a (narrower than it appears) 153-128 score.
What went right- Dwayne Bowe came to play- 36 points for my main man. Turner had a nice 18 on the day as well. And, perhaps most importantly of all, Chris Johnson of Team Disco has a big goose egg. Yes, you read that right. Chris Johnson. 0 points. How can I lose?
What went wrong-How can I lose? Well I am about to tell you. Rent-a-cop Big Ben, projected for 26, needed all of regulation and most of an OT period even have 10 (the other QBs on my roster each had twice that at the halftime mark of their respective games). Steve Johnson, whom I traded for Darren McFadden, had 6 and dropped a pass in the endzone that would have won the game for the Bills. Of course, McFadden had 6 too- so this week the trade was a wash. Oh, and how about Brady and Peyton Hillis each putting up 38 and Nate Kaeding having a 20 spot for Team Disco.
Bonehead move- You know what? I didn't make any bonehead moves. I'm tired of taking responsibility for these slackers. I put my faith in some of you guys- and you let me down. You let me down hard. So I made all the right moves. I was genius. Sheer brilliance. And really, it wasn't even my guys, either- because we had the 2nd most points in the league this week- meaning that if we would have played anyone else- ANYONE ELSE- we would have won. FRICK!

Week 13- Nothing to play for. No hope for a playoff birth. The end of an era. Season finale. The Snow Flurries have given everything for me this season- and it pains my heart that their perseverance will not be rewarded with a playoff birth. Instead, we'll be sitting home watching the playoffs. And we'll all have a nasty pukey taste in our mouths, thanks to the 85-67 stinker against El Diablo.
What went right- Well...Boldin came out of his coma to score 18 points. And Turner had a nice 14 point outing. And I guess da Bears D came up solid with 16 points against the Lions.
What went wrong- Last week, Dwayne Bowe came to play. This week, Dwayne Bowe came to get shut down. 0 points. Can't have your top guy score 0 points...unless someone else steps up. And that's just it- nobody else really stood up. Sam Bradford, starting as a Snow Flurry for the first time, played like a rookie (5 points) while seasoned vets Cutler and Big Ben each had 14. Steve Johnson followed up his 6 point effort by halving it (meanwhile McFadden had 16 points for someone else...man, those points would have looked nice on my roster).
Bonehead move- It should be probably be noted that Hernandez had 11 points in Waiver-land, while Heap hurt on 1st play of game and Gronkowski was not a factor. Leave it to Bill Belichek to kick me in the nads one last time whilst I lay writhing in agony on the floor.

Season over. Playoffs- not accomplished. It was quite a ride- and now it's over.

Next week (or maybe even this week if I feel motivated) I'll grade my draft effort. Then I'll look at the grades I gave my draft before the season started. Then I'll laugh at myself. And then? I'll start getting ready for next season. The NORTH Michigan Snow Flurries are going to be back with a vengence.