Draftstravaganza 2012: The appetizer

First of all- I can't believe I hadn't ever mushed 'Draft' and 'Extravaganza' into 'Draftstravaganza' before.  It's incredible!  Now that I've done it once, I feel like I'll do it again and again and again until I feel the same way I did as a 12-year old when I thought I had coined the phrase 'silent-but-deadly'- a virtuoso of creative genius just waiting to get smacked in the face by the realization that pretty much everybody else in history had done the same thing. 

It's funny what 11-2 can do.  The last couple years, I put in zero prep time.  And as much as I'd like to say that my lack of prep time actually helped me to a league-best regular season mark, the fact that I nabbed Tom Brady in the first round and stole Jordy Nelson/Jimmy Graham in later rounds (both of which I had seen star in the previous seasons' playoffs) probably had something (READ: everything) to do with that.  This year, in an effort to not suck again I studied up like crazy.  Well, okay, so actually I just read a couple articles by Bill Barnwell and a couple of Bleacher Report lists.  Still, comparing my preparation time with last years, I was a veritable Marshall Eriksen.

From the National Studying Hall of Fame induction banquet, 2005

However, don't let the flashy new name and feigned preparation fool you (although if you did, that would help immensely)- this is a draft recap brought to you by Jason Parks, which means you're going to get the rundown of whether I would like to draft my previous years draft picks, and my pre-season thoughts about my draft picks.  As an added bonus, I'm going to be adding a little blurb about the player picked directly before my choice and the one immediately following.  My hope is that this will give you a little more context to my selections, as well as giving you more bang for your buck.

But first things first-which of my 2011 picks was I looking to nab for the 2012 squad?

1 Tom Brady, QB: After a record-setting 2011 campaign, I had the good fortune to keep Brady for the rest of forever.  Which I will be doing, by the way.

2 Darren McFadden, RB: A guy I really would have liked to have again- a supreme talent whose skill level is only matched by his inability to stay healthy.  And since he's probably going to get picked early because of his talent, I'm not planning on getting him.

3 Matt Forte, RB: Despite getting injured last season (and likely single handedly keeping me from winning in the playoffs...just saying), Forte had 163 points last year (6th most all time) and is my second keeper.  That said, I desperately want to make sure I end up with his back-up, Michael Bush.  Just in case...obviously...you know...okay, can we keep going?

4 Mike Williams, WR (Tampa): Mike Williams 2.Tampa is not really on my radar at this time.  Well, that's not entirely true.  He is sort of on my radar.  Because I have a heat-seeking missile  with his name on it set to deploy if he comes within a 100 yards of Snow Flurry HQ.  Freaking Mike Williams

5 Beanie Wells, RB: The consolation prize to McFadden in the 'Talented Backs Who Have A Significant Injury History'.  Unfortunately for Beanie, I'm not playing that game this year.

6 Brandon Lloyd, WR:  While Lloyd is probably in a fairly awesome fantasy scenario (reunited with Josh McDaniels, catching balls from Tom Brady), I'm not going to really go out of my way to look for him.  There's just too much pass catching talent in New England to go after anyone not named Gronkowski or Welker.

7 Mario Manningham, WR: Perhaps I'm harboring a little resentment for Mario leaving Michigan early when Rich Rod rolled over a hundred years of tradition, class, and excellence into town- but I can't see "upgrading" from Eli Manning to Alex Smith being a good career move.  So no.

8 Sam Bradford, QB: I'm not sure what to think about this cat.  He had a solid rookie season and is legally insane brimming with confidence.  But he's also coming off of an injury-plagued 2011 and still plays for the Rams.  I guess if I can't get any other QBs and he's still available in the 16th round...gah.  I don't know.  Flip for it?

By the way, did you notice how I utilized the cross out in back-to-back paragraphs?  Don't worry, I don't plan to use it again for awhile.  I just thought you'd like to know that I do kind of pay attention to my writing.

9 Brandon Jacobs, RB: I read this really smart sounding article about running backs and the age of 30 and steep decline- and in typical Jason Parks fashion, I went and forgot most of it.  So in the absence of solid data, I should probably just go ahead and try and draft him.

10 Jimmy Graham, TE: Oh Jimmy.  Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy.  I want you back, baby- you know I do...but once I decided to not keep you, I knew that my fellow league members would jump all over you like I basted you in Samuel L. Jackson and threw you into the Deep Blue Sea.  Just know this, Jimmy- no one can take away our magical season together.  Not even Roger Goodell.

11 Ravens Defense:  The Ravens D scored 263 points for me last year, the second most in team history.  You better believe I'm hunting these guys down.  After all, they still have Ed Reed, right?

12 Jordy Nelson, WR:  While I would never stray away from a chance to draft an Aaron Rodgers receiver, I imagine 'ol Jordy here going much, much higher than the 12th round slot I was able to nab him in.  And until he has back-to-back historical seasons, that's just a little too high for moi. 

13 Mike Williams, WR(Free Agent):  The much anticipated red-zone threat never materialized.  In fact, he never materialized so much that he dematerialized from the NFL.  Which puts his chances of being drafted by me at about 25%.

14 Greg Olsen, TE: Olsen never really saw the field for the Snow Flurries.  At all.  What, with my season-long running episode of the 'Jimmy and The Gronk' show, and Jeremy Shockey and Steve Smith taking away catches/Cam Newton hawking red zone TDs for his real team...Olsen was not nearly the factor I thought he would be.  But now Jimmy and The Gronk went all Hollywood on me, Shockey's gone, and Newton will likely see a dip in his TD scoring- which means that there is potential for a Greg Olsen in my life. 

15 Patriots Defense: They could string together a season's worth of shutouts and I still wouldn't trust this defense with a ten foot pole.  See?  SEE?  They've scarred me so much that I mixed up my metaphors. 

16 Neil Rackers, K:  I've said it before, and I'll say it again- as long as any kicker is not Nick Folk, I will always welcome him in with open arms and foot firmly planted on his butt 'just in case'.

17 Steve Breaston, WR: After Steve found out I was using him to pass secret messages to Dwayne, he stopped speaking to me.  Which is fine- I have little use for WRs that don't score.  Yeah, you heard me right Steve.  Take THAT!!!  (sniff sniff...you bastard)

18 New York (Giants) Defense:  If I can somehow land the Ravens defense, I will have little use for these guys- even if they did just win a Super Bowl.

19 Cam Newton, QB:  Wait, who is this guy?  Are you sure I drafted him last year?  Did he even play last year?

I mean other than in the NFL's annual post-season All-Star game.

So this is my frame of mine heading into the draft.  Last year I had a team that kicked names and took ass- and while I won't be able to have all of them back on my team, they'll all be welcomed back in my heart.  (Cue 'Awwwww' from studio audience)

Tune in later this week (or sometime next week...or just whenevs) to find out who I actually drafted.  And then, hold onto your butts.

'Cuz it's about to get REALZ yo.

PIC: Marshall- http://i2.listal.com/image/640245/500full.jpg
Newton- http://www1.pictures.zimbio.com/gi/Cam%2BNewton%2B2012%2BPro%2BBowl%2B8jySPI7CZtbl.jpg
Jackson- http://i.ytimg.com/vi/T9uuPza41Uw/0.jpg

The long awaited, highly anticipated, hotly debated 2011 Snow Flurries Draft review

I'm bored out of my mind right now.  B-O-R-D.  But fear not, faithful reader- out of the ashes of my boredom will rise a blog post so revolutionary, so insightful, that it will literally make you do a double-take, rub your eyes, and question everything you ever thought you knew.  It will lead to the end of unemployment, the abolishment of partisan politics, and will lay the first cobble stones on the long, hard road to world peace.

You might be asking yourself what I could possibly be going to the well for in order to achieve all of this.  Well ask not, friends, as clearly I'm going to be reviewing my 2011 Fantasy Football draft. 

As you remember from when I used to write about Fantasy Football back in 2011, this past season was the absolute pinnacle of my young career.  I won the league's regular season so easily that I had to manufacture drama behind the scenes to keep my guys interested (I still haven't had the heart to tell Mike Williams that Sabastian Janikowski is not a cannibal that will eat him if he continues to suck).

In many ways, I feel like a first time father, only this is actually your third child but you're so disappointed in the first two that you just pretend that they don't exist.  I'm proud of this season- I drafted pretty well.  I played the waiver-wire like a pro.  I (mostly) avoided injuries.  Of course, I didn't completely avoid injuries, which is why I'm not coming to you today as the People's champ.

I don't need something insignificant like championship recognition to validate my success this year.  This season was sweet, sweet retribution for the pain and bitter defeat of my whole freaking wretched pathetic miserable existence the last two seasons.  I've seen fire, and I've seen rain.  And even though I'm not sure what in the heck James Taylor is talking about, I'm sure his words are very apt to the moment.
Anyways, that's enough out of me.  Here's my draft review.  In a nod to draft reviews past, I will give comment about my preseason thoughts, my season thoughts, and my moving-forward thoughts- and without even saying a word you will know which is which.  Because that is how awesome you are (guided there, of course, by my benevolent hand). 

1 Tom Brady, QB, New England- I don't expect him to put up the ridiculous numbers that he did last year.  And I was right- he didn't put up the ridiculous numbers that he did last year.  He put up even better numbers.  Three more TDs and 1,000+ more yards (plus 3 TDs on the ground).  Sure, his INTs went up as well- but that's like complaining about Eve's shortcomings as an actress. 

Sure, you're cute- but I want to see inside your soul

If I have my way, this guy will retire as a North Michigan Snow Flurry.

2 Darren McFadden, RB, Oakland- Question- is a no.2 pick a good place to draft a guy who has only had one good season and spent much of his career being hurt? Answer- No, but my other RBs performed so well that it really didn't matter that Run-DMC missed over half of the season.  That said, if I didn't have his handcuff Michael Bush, we'd be talking in a completely different tone right now.  The kind of tone where you move slowly away from the computer and immediately call the authorities (or the tabloids).  I can't honestly see myself picking D-Mac any sooner than the fifth round, which means I'll probably nab him by the third. 

3 Matt Forte, RB, Chicago- I have a huge soft spot for RBs that are versatile. Indeed, Forte's versatility within the Bears offense made him an invaluable member of my squad in the early weeks (and a solid one from the midpoint until his injury).  He had just 4 total TDs on the year and only eclipsed the 70 yard rushing mark (I am not above using mediocrity as a benchmark) five times on the year- yet his ability to be involved in the passing game contributed to his 10.2 PPG average.  Sadly, his late season injury (as well as DeMarco Murray's) kept me from tasting the Championship rainbow.  Potential keeper (depending on how that injury plays out), there will always be a spot at the Snow Flurry table for my friend Mr. Forte. 

4 Mike Williams, WR, Tampa Bay- I drafted [Mike Williams]because he scored 11 TDs last year.  I almost [pushed Mike Williams] off of a cliff this year because he only scored 3 TDs and about 1,000 less yards than in 2010 (300- but it might as well have been 1,000).  He was like the Bizarro Tom Brady, like Eve if she could act like Kate Winslet but looked like this:

But you should never call someone ugly if they have a bow and arrow.

If I had to pick between drafting Mike Williams next year and being set on fire, I'd probably draft Mike Williams- but not before asking a series of clarifying questions.

5 Beanie Wells, RB, Arizona- What better way to have a scapegoat than to have a bruising RB from Ohio State named Beanie, coming off of a monster sub-400 yard, 2 TD season, be your number 5 pick? Remember the song "What Might Have Been?" by Little Texas?  One of my favorite non-love love songs.  That's Beanie Wells' 2011 season to me- if he could have stayed healthy (and got consistently QB play), he could have been The Boss.  As is, he had just enough stinkers to make me always question my choice to play him, tempered with enough WOW games to make me want to build my team around him.   And that's why I'll probably take a stab at him next year at some point- especially if the Cardinals get Peyton Manning- and subsequently spend the 2012 season wondering just what in the hell I was thinking.

6 Brandon Lloyd, WR, Denver- Interesting factoid that I found after doing some post-draft research- Brandon Lloyd was on NFL.com's Top Ten Players Most Likely To Be A Bust list.  I really don't know if he was a bust, because I traded him way early in the season.  (Goes to check his stats).  Huh.  Well, I guess he was the 24th highest scoring WR, so he wasn't a bust per se.  However, I parlayed him into Michael Bush, so for a sixth round pick, this panned out much better than I could have imagined.  Definitely much better than my #2 pick, anyways.  I'd probably give him a shot if he's available in a nice low-round somewhere. 

7 Mario Manningham, WR, New York (Giants)- If Steve Smith did, in fact, vanish into the Bermuda Triangle (as my sources have sort of confirmed but it was probably somebody else), then I expect Manningham to get a lot more touches in the passing game.  Well Steve Smith resurfaced in Philadelphia of all places, but Mario got hurt and all of those extra touches seemed to go to Victor Cruz.  I picked up Cruz before anyone else did, but that's beside the point.  I drafted Manningham and got left with the remnants.  Life is so unfair  Manningham could conceivably find himself in a Snow Flurry uniform sometime in the future. 

8 Sam Bradford, QB, St. Louis- I feel like he'll have a phenomenal year, and gives me great insurance against Brady getting hurt.  Okay, so every single iffy decision up to this point can at least be tempered with a yeahbut.  As in, "Yeah, but he got hurt".  Sure, Bradford got hurt too- but this guy fell so far, so fast that he went from 'great insurance policy against Brady getting hurt' to getting 'Oh my God I can't believe I cut Cam Newton to keep this guy'-released just to wash the stink out of my mouth.  I will not, will not draft you Sam.  Or eat Green Eggs and Ham.

9 Brandon Jacobs, RB, New York (Giants)- What I do know is that Jacobs is a solid bye week/injury replacement.  And he probably would have been.  Of course, in the early weeks of the season, my RB situation was so solid that I could afford to play around with the waiver wire, and so Jacobs only made it to week 4 before being coldly let go into.  Sorry man- nothing personal, just business.  And it will be just business when I stay away from you like you just shook hands with a dude who touches pig guts for a living.  Oh yeah, that was a spoiler.

10 Jimmy Graham, TE, New Orleans- I think this guy could be a potential steal at the TE position.  Seriously- a potential steal?  Jimmy Graham was so far in the steal category that the Leonardo DiCaprio was notified.  I mean, this guy put up WR numbers!  Seriously, if I could have played 2 TEs this year, I probably would have gone undefeated and spent the entire offseason writing blog posts about how I plucked Jimmy Graham out of the air, gave him wings, and told him he could fly.  If Jimmy isn't a keeper for next year, it's because he has been betrothed to one of my top draft picks. 

11 Ravens Defense- They do still have Ed Reed, right?  Yup, and even though Reed wasn't the wicked insane playmaker of yesteryear, he still helped the Ravens D to a respectable showing.  As long as Ed Reed is still playing, I will always give the Raven's D a thought. 

12 Jordy Nelson, WR, Green Bay- I expect big things out of Jordy this year- even if his first name is 'Jordy'.  With all due respect to Mr. Graham, and dorky name not withstanding, Jordy is without a doubt my top pick of 2011.  Jordy had a monster 2k11.  MONSTER.  Even though Aaron Rodgers had quite possibly the deepest receiving corps in league history, he always seemed to make sure that my man Jordy got his.  Indeed, Jordy Nelson ended the year as the #2 scoring WR in our league.  Quite possibly this is the biggest surprise in world history- even more surprising than Rich Gannon being named NFL MVP that one time in the dark ages (2002).  While Jordy isn't going to be a keeper, I guarantee I'm going to start hunting for him much earlier than round 12 next year.

13 Mike Williams, WR, Seattle- I got a valuable 2nd/3rd receiver who will probably be "The Man" on a bad Seattle team.  I got a useless 4th/5th receiver who (for various reasons) had more games of zero points (9) than he did with points (7).  And it's not like he was lighting up the scoreboard when he did score- check out these numbers: 1, 1, 3, 3, 4, 6, 9.  Mike wasn't with me for very long, but the residual blast from this whiff was so bad that Rob Deer felt bad for me.  The Mike Williams experience is over.

14 Greg Olsen, TE, Carolina- Olsen has been solid, and playing for a bad team starting a rookie QB, I imagine that he'll see his fair share of targets.  Olsen did have a solid enough 2011, but with Graham and Gronk logging all of my TE playing time, there was literally no room for Olsen on the field.  Also, whole security-blanket-for-rookie-QB-on-bad-team gig that I was banking on never really took off.  Since apparently Cam Newton is Superman.  You were essentially a one-night stand, Greg- and it wasn't even that great of a night.  So I'll probably forget you.

15 Patriots Defense-It's a Bill Belichick 'D. It has to be good, right? Or at least, serviceable? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.  Yeah, uh-huh, SURE.    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.  You're kidding, right?

16 Neil Rackers, K, Houston- You're going to read my postseason champions speech, see how I deftly nabbed Neil Rackers in the 16th round, and be amazed.  Neil was a phenom at the K position for me, I'm not even kidding.  Even though I dropped him about half-way through and didn't end up winning the championship, you should still be amazed.  I treat my kickers just like I treat creditors- I never make a commitment before they're calling non-stop and threatening legal action. 

17 Steve Breaston, WR, Kansas City-The only reason I picked Steve is because I still have Fantasy Football feelings for Dwayne Bowe, and I want someone on the inside who can let me know how he's doing- and let him know that I still care, and I'll treasure our magical autumn forever.  After I scored D Bowe in my concubine league, I had no reason to keep Breaston.  So I didn't.  The end.

18 New York (Giants) Defense- Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer.  Yup.  That settles that. 

19 Cam Newton, QB, Carolina- Rookie. Hehehe ROOKie- I'll probably never play this guy. I don't think he'll do very well. I just thought it'd be cool to take the first overall pick of the NFL draft with the next-to-last pick of the fantasy draft. Teach this kid a little humility. Make him work a little bit. Here on the Snow Flurries, you aren't just handed a starting spot because of your draft accolades- you gotta earn it.  Wow.  Just wow.  If I had kept Newton instead of, say, oh, I don't know....SAM BRADFORD, then I'd probably be writing this blog somewhere on Main Street in the middle of a confetti shower and hundreds of hot chicks screaming my Championship name.  Instead I'm sleeping with the fleas and cockroaches in the alley of Third Place wiping the specks of food out of my Not-Championship 5 o'clock shadow.

I mean, yeah, Cam blindsided all of us.  No one knew he was going to explode on the scene in the fashion that he did.  But still...he was on my team.  MY TEAM.  I drafted him.  Ran him through the drills.  Let him run the plays.  Sent the equipment manager to have him come see me- and to make sure he brought his playbook.  I was his genesis, his beginning- his very existence in the Center League was because of me.  I should have known.  Right?  It doesn't matter.  Because I have literally 0% chance of getting Cam Newton next year. 

What might have been, indeed.
 
Eve-http://www.pwpix.net/superstars/e/evetorres/images/eve-torres-4.jpg
Jack Black- http://www.stomptokyo.com/reelopinions/images/nacho3.jpg

Snow Flurries 2011- The March of the Penguins continues

Do you know why I'm writing about my Fantasy Football team this week?  Do you?  Huh, huh?  Do ya do ya do ya????  Also, imagine I'm pretending to poke you while being about a half inch from you.  Sorry about the over exuberance- I just can't help it.  I'm on a bye week this week!  Do you even know what that  means?  Why, simply this- I had one of the top two records (well, actually the best record...just saying) , so while the playoffs are starting for the rest of my league, me and my boys are going to be sitting beside a pool somewhere in Marquette and...okay, well it's like 1°F with a wind chill of -9°F right now, so we're probably not at an outdoor pool...come to think of it we're probably in like a Best Western or something.  Man, this sucks.  Wish we were playing.

Anyhow, sorry if that came across a little bit insufferably jerky- it's just that you literally no idea how shocked and surprised I am that my team has not only done well this year- but it has done VERY well.  Sure, I could lose next week and go home with the consolation prize of 'Paper Champion'.  But for a guy who had never had a winning season before, to have the best team in the league this late in the season...well, it's a pretty big deal.  And so over the next couple weeks, I will probably continue to write insufferable jerk things about my Fantasy team (even more so if I actually, you know, win at all in the playoffs). 

But I know you really love this because you've seen me bare my heart and soul on these pages, and you know the pain and suffering I've endured the last two years and you're probably just really happy for me.  Therefore I'll continue to indulge you with what is essentially "Chicken Soup for the Fantasy Football player's soul".


 Week 8- This week, I realized that the term 'Fantasy Football' is actually quite a misnomer.  See, if this was my 'fantasy', then my best players would never have bye weeks at the same time, they would never get hurt, and they would always have 'green' matchups.  So in reality, "Fantasy" Football usually ends up being "AARRGGH  FRICKING STUPID #*%*" Football and I hate it.  Week 8 found me facing the expansion L'Anse SHEagles, with (so I thought) all three of my top RBs out (two with bye weeks) and many of my other players caught in 'red' matchups (Note: I'm not actually going to explain the difference between 'green' and 'red'.  Feel free to make up your own definitions).  My team was brave and almost pulled out the win, but ended up on the short end of a 113-102 score.
What went right-Victor Cruz (15) and Mario Manningham (12) looked good in my WR corps.  Nick Novak had 15 in the K slot.  And I only lost by 11 points.  So that's a good thing- a positive I can build off of, right?  RIGHT????

This doesn't have anything to do with this article- but anytime you can post a picture of a football player peeing on the sidelines...well, you do it.  You just do.

What went wrong- Earlier, I alluded to the belief that my top three RBs were unavailable to play for me.  Of course, Beanie Wells wasn't really out- he just let me think he was all week.  He must have had, like, his own personal healing crusade, going from "season ending injury" to "maybe see some action versus the Angry Ravens" to "14 points".  Thanks Beanie.  Thanks for the heads up.  JERK.  Tom Brady struggled so badly in Pittsburgh (even though he had 19 points) that I seriously went out and started checking out other QBs.  What's that- Curtis Painter is still availble?  Interesting (strokes chin)....  It didn't help that all the NFL talking heads kept going on and on about how the league had figured out how to stop the Patriots.  
Bonehead move- Analyzing each game like it's a middle school relationship.  Seriously, I am running out of ways to discuss my inability to grasp reality when it comes to Fantasy Football.  Aside from the whole 'it's not really real' aspect, I cannot understand my lack of understanding that, despite having poor matchups and some injuries, I almost won this game.  This was not a bad loss- and yet, mentally, the dip to a 6-2 record somehow forced me to tighten the belt-strap of my positive outlook and plan for another playoff-less year.  After an 11 point loss.  Dear God, what's wrong with me????

Week 9- Oh, great.  A matchup with War Machine, my other nemesis- just when things are falling apart.  Perfect!  That's just great.  This is the guy that knocked me out of the playoffs a couple years ago.  This is the guy that I always seem to make some really dumb move when I'm playing against him that costs me the game.  And while I didn't get the most out of my matchups this week, I was able to pull off a 102-99 thriller.   
What went right- I'm going to have to start calling Matt Forte "The Closer", since for whatever reason he always seems to be one of my last players playing and has never failed to score enough points to secure the win.  This week he had 11, which paired with DeSean Jackson's 0, enabled me to eek out the improbable victory.  Of course, it wouldn't have been so improbable if I hadn't left Gronkowski's 17 and Nelsons 17 on the bench.  Brady ended my brief flirtation with Painter by scoring 20, and Michael Bush had 18 in relief of the injured RunDMC.
What went wrong- Once again I'm bitten by the "Smart move turned stupid by WTFness".  DeMarch Murry, a third round pick who had been playing semi-sporadically, racks up 18 points against the #6 defense.  Obviously I sat him.  Beanie Wells, meanwhile, faced off against the next-to-last ranked defense- and accumulated a whole 3 points.  Obviously I played him. 
Bonehead move- I think it's because I'm starting to realize that this whole thing is a crapshoot and there really are no great or bonehead moves except in hindsight, but I probably played my roster the right way this week.  Even though I left lots of points on the bench, my theories behind them were usually sound, and things just didn't turn out the way I thought they would.  Wait a minute, was that cool-headed logic I just applied?  I think I need to lie down.

Week 10- Whew!  That was close.  No time to enjoy a hard earned win though- not with Bullies coming into town for a rematch.  A win coupled with a loss by War Machine or Disco will guarantee me a playoff spot.  And I did my part (almost doubling him up, 158-80, as my team remembers that it kicks serious ass), therefore reducing the magic number to clinching not just a playoff spot- but the division- to 1 game. 
What went right- I had 7 of 9 guys go for double digits.  Brady had 32 and put Curtis Painter so far back on the rear view mirror he looks like Kurt Cobain.  Bush had 30 on the Thursday night game, which gave me a little bit of relief after a couple stress-filled Sabbaths.  Murray had 23 and Nelson had 18. 
What went wrong- Picking nits, but Gronkowski had 24 points on my bench.  When you win by 78 it's difficult sometimes to pick out the bad.  Which you have to do, or these slackers will turn soft.
Bonehead move- At this point, things are going the best they ever have in my Fantasy Football career.  My roster, as I've said before, often sets itself.  I have tremendous depth at RB and TE, with a great QB, a solid D, and enough points from WR and K to fill in the blanks.  No bonehead move this week.  Other than Gronkowski. 

Week 11- A rematch with Disco, who has turned things around (4-1 in his last 5) and is now in the thick of the playoff hunt.  A win here and I pretty much clinch the division.  And (as I like to think I am wont to do in such situations) I put the lumber to Disco, 137-65 (my 2nd straight week of high scoringness) and clinch the division.  Hello, playoffs- it's been awhile!
What went right- Hmmm....should I start with Nelson's 25?  Or how about Gronkowskis 21?  Maybe Brady should get some props for his 20.  But I'll give the props to Cruz, who had 19 and is pretty much the best waiver wire pick-up I've ever had.  A special shout-out to Kevin Smith for the huge, HUGE game he had for the Lions.  No, he wasn't on my roster- and Disco didn't leave him on the bench.  No, Smith was racking up 39 points for the Lions for the Knights while Mercury Morris (starting for team Disco) was more importantly not racking up those points. 
What went wrong- Nothing for me (other than Mike Williams' 14 point resurrection from the dead) - but poor Disco.  Chris Johnson continued his campaign to forever be the highest paid RB by making sure other teams never ever give contract extensions to their RBs again.  This time, it was a 2 point stinker.  Of course, there's not too much sympathy from a former 4-9 squad given to the 2-time defending champs.  I just needed to write something about Chris Johnson and how much he sucks this year. 
Bonehead move- None.  Zip.  Zero.  I was flawless this week.  Well, other than I could have played Mike Williams and got some more points.  But then I would have had to play Mike Williams.  And that would have been a bonehead move.

Week 12- So this must be what retirement is like- you work, work, work for your whole lifetime (or in this case, 11 weeks) and when you're done, you just kind of...sit there, I guess?  Because having clinched the division and a first round bye with 2 weeks to go...I'm not sure what I should do.  I can't rest my starters, because they aren't really resting- so I guess I'll just keep kicking ass and taking names.  This week I rematch against Team Knights, and since the Lions (which are the lifeblood of the Knights) play on Turkey day, I knew that by Friday I would know whether or not I'd most likely win or not.  And it turns out that I did win, rather handily, by a score of 153-90.  For the third straight week (and fifth time overall) I have the highest score in the league.  At this point I keep pinching myself to makOUCH!!  Yup.  Not dreaming.
What went right- Tom (35 points) you know I wouldn't have traded you for real, right?  Please tell me you know my sudden infatuation with Curtis Painter was mostly because I saw him from behind.  You've always been the QB for me, Tom.  Jimmy Graham (20), Cruz (28), and the Ravens D (25) all crack the 20 mark.  And sadly (for the Lions fan who lives somewhere in the closet of my brain) the Lions struggle, which means that Team Knights struggled.
What went wrong- But it's a good thing the Lions struggled- because I would have been simply livid with myself had my sitting of Beanie Wells (and his 28 points) came back to bite me.  I know, I know- he was playing against the Rams- how could I sit him?  To which I would have replied, 'How could I not sit him?'.  Last time they played the Rams, he had 2 whole points.  I remember that game, because I had been so excited to play him against the Rams- 2 points.  2!  Additionally, they said he was pretty banged up.  And John Skelton was his QB.  So that's why I sat him.  And his 28 points.  But it wasn't just wells.  Even Donald Brown had 15 points.  And Mike Williams had 12.  It's like my bench guys are starting to riot.  There's too many points- I can't keep them under control, warden!!!
Bonehead move- Having my bench guys use up their cosmically allotted groups of points.  I didn't need any extra points, fellas!  I won by 63 this week.  Why didn't you use those earlier this year, Mike?  Beanie, where were some of those 28 points the last time you played the Rams?  YOU'RE KILLING ME GUYS!!!  KILLING ME!!!

Week 13- A late season divisional rematch against Dennis with...well, nothing on the line?  The stakes in this pre-playoff tune-up are....surprisingly low?  My goodness.  What a crazy year this has been.  But I've been rolling, and life's been good.  I clinched a playoff spot a few weeks ago, clinched the division last week, and Week 12 saw me clinch the top overall seed.  What to play for, really?  I guess 11-2 looks better than 10-3- and who wouldn't want to enter the playoffs on a high note, right?  So obviously I went out and won 106-91 to cap what has been (and will most likely be) the most glorious year of my Fantasy Football career.
What went right- This win largely came down to luck as opposed to skill.  Stephen Jackson (for Dennis) was playing against the 49ers behind the immortal A.J. Feeley.  Given those two facts, his 2 points was probably more like 13-14.  Brady (23) and Gronkowski (24) combined for almost 50 points, and the Ravens D had 27.
What went wrong- Forget about the fact that Bush and Murray each had only 3 points while Wells (12) and Brown (11) languished on my bench. The Closer got hurt early in the Chiefs game.  It didn't hurt me this week, and it might not even hurt me in the playoffs (since I'm freaking LOAD-ed).  Still, if there's ever a time when you want your #1 RB to get a season ending injury, it's definitely not in a meaningless tune-up game right before the playoffs.  Seriously Matt- I'm sorry.  I'm sorry that I played you- I just...well, I just felt the peer pressure, and those guys are all still fighting for their playoff lives (bless their hearts) and I didn't want to make it seem like I was being unfair, and I....okay, I'll stop.  Just please, get better soon!
Bonehead move- Leaving my RB situation potentially in the hands of a rookie, a Colt, and Beanie Wells.  Seriously.  I think that my WRs are going to have to carry me now in the playoffs, and while they've shown that they theoretically can do that...I don't even want to go there.  I need to go lie down again.

So I'll be honest- this season review was hard to write.  When things are going poorly, it's so much easier for words to flow like water from the broken places of my soul onto the screen.  But man, when things are going good?  It's just a pain in the butt to try and think of ways to celebrate my awesomeness.  I only came up with, like, five. 

As far as the playoffs, I think I have a real good shot at taking it all.  But I also know that anything can happen.  For instance, if the playoffs had started this week (and I didn't have my, you know, FIRST ROUND PLAYOFF BYE!!!!!)
then most of the teams in our league would have bounced me from the playoffs.  So we'll see what happens.  The only thing I know for sure is that a huge episode of pain and misery is only one misplay or one injury away.  Ah yes, there's that good old defeatist cynicism I've been missing!

PIC-Chicken soup- http://www.blogcdn.com/www.kitchendaily.com/media/2010/05/chicken-in-pot-240.jpg
Novak- http://larrybrownsports.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/nick-novak-peeing-530x363.jpg

Penn State and video games

This is going to sound extremely trivial, so you're going to have to bear (bare?  Gosh, I can never get this right!) with me for a bit- NCAA Football 11 for the PS3 drove home the magnitude of the Penn State sexual abuse/cover up scandal.

I don't mean this to belittle the severity of what happened or the pain of those whose lives have forever been shattered.  I just merely wish to point out that in the complexity of the human brain, we can still find surprises in the every day, mundane things.  In this instance, I spent several hours this past week reading articles about Jerry Sandusky and Penn State University and it took EA Sports and a year-old PS3 title for me to really process this historically awful event. 

Let me break it down.

Earlier this afternoon I was playing NCAA Football 11 while I try to get Shane to JUST FREAKING FALL ASLEEP ALREADY OH MY GOSH!!!!  Seriously he was not feeling well so I was doing whatever I could to get him to get bored and fall asleep.  Like a good dad should, right?  Anyways, what could be more boring than watching your dad relive his imaginary glory years than by quarterbacking a pretend school on a 27 inch television?

And ordinarily, you'd be right.

So I turned it on, started playing innocen...OH COME ON REF- THAT HOLD HAD NO RELEVANCE TO THE PLAY- GAH ALL THE COMPUTER DOES IS FRICKING CHEAT!!!!!  And that's when I started to realize what this whole Penn State fiasco means for football.

I don't mean that statement in a manner that belittles the sufferings of sexual abuse victims.  I spent about four years at a non-profit agency working with kids who had been abused and neglected.  So I have a slight idea, a limited understanding of what sexual abuse means to those kids.  It's probably the ugliest thing that can happen in our society nowadays.  So in the grand scheme, it really doesn't matter what it means to football.

But looking at college football as a separate entity...OH MY GOODNESS- how does this happen?  I know that sports are not immune to this sort of vile crime, and that I'm prone to thinking through my idiot lens.  But college football people don't do this.  College football people take steroids, and pay athletes under the table, and practice more than they're supposed to, and sell their swag for tattoos, and help their athletes stay eligible by cheating in the classroom.  College football people don't sexually abuse children.  They don't ruin innocence.  Yes, yes, I'm generalizing and type casting- but that's the college football image that has been cultivated in my mind over years and years of exposure.  Sure, we break the rules...but nobody really gets hurt.  They can't say that anymore.


The fact that it's Penn State just adds to the layer of shock.  Maybe it's just all the articles I've read in the past couple of days from Penn State alums talking about how great Penn State is/was...but this is probably the last institution I ever would have thought I'd hear that this sort of thing had happened at.  Maybe it's the boring uniforms or the lack of offseason shenanigans or the Coke-bottle glasses-wearing coach- the truth is I just never really thought about Penn State at all, which in our culture of Falling-Star worship is pretty much the highest praise I can give to an institution.  They excelled on the football field, but they kept their profile out of the tabloids.  You can't say that anymore.
And it took an afternoon playing a football video game for me to really get ahold of the concept that the Penn State scandal is not just about the loss of innocence for those 8 victims- it's about the loss of innocence for an entire sport.  Sexual abuse is no longer just something that that faceless villains to do innocent kids in nameless towns all over the world.  It's something that can happen anywhere.  Anywhere.  Even in college football, a place that I always thought was safe from that sort of thing.

Of course, having worked with a subset of the population that it has happened to, I knew this.  It's probably my biggest fear as a parent is that somewhere in the system, someone that we trust our children's lives with will brutally and shamefully violate that trust and leave our children with the most horrible and painful scars imaginable.  But I suppress it, largely because if you have that level of distrust of every person working in the system all the time- you turn into a paranoid schizophrenic. 

Still though...the lesson now is that as a parent, there is a need for some hypervigilance.  Those we used to write blank trust checks for are now the ones that we will take the closest look at.  By all accounts, Jerry Sandusky was a saint.  Now it appears he was merely a wolf dressed as a sheep.  And his alleged actions (and the actions of those like him) have made wearing wool the latest fashion faux pas. 

Today, I officially laid to rest college football's aura of innocence.  I don't grieve for the sport- rather, I grieve for those who have been hurt because of my (and those like me) obsession with it.  The culture of invincibility that we have worshipped at for countless Saturdays has been exposed as just another big business venture willing to do whatever to whoever in the name of self-interest.  That said, I will try to keep perspective in the weeks and months ahead and not just assume the worst of every coach, coordinator, and player I see. 

I just won't think they're Mr. Rogers, either. 

PIC- http://www.nickjr.com/flex_article/assets/wallpaper/dora-school-wallpaper/dora-school-wallpaper-standard.jpg