Season 2012 first half of the first half review (that's a quarter for those of you who can afford the change)

In an effort to provide you with even more inanely unnecessary fantasy football coverage, I am now providing my in-season game reports in quarterly fashion- that means twice as many articles for you to ignore!

Wait a second, who am I kidding?  You live for this stuff.

Week 1- I was expecting the Knights here (a Lions homer that I trounced twice last year), but with last minute division realignment I was left with a match-up against War Machine, a traditional thorn in my proverbial side.  At the end of the day, though, I apparently didn't need to spend $600 on that therapy session as the Snow Flurries ended up winning a 146-83 laugher.  I wonder if I can get a refund on all that Xanax...
What went right- 8 of 9 guys went for double digits- 3 in the 20s.  Wow.  Talk about overkill.  I mean, that escalated quickly, that really got out of hand fast.  Let me assure you that my team is not about embarrassing the opposition, and I made sure that I went over to the War Machine sideline and said I was really sorry and explained to him that this really isn't what we're about.

Then we shook hands.  Then we yelled.

Oh well.  I'm not here to make friends.  Actually that's not true.  Besides, things are so good right now that I don't even care that Dwayne Bowe only had 5 points.  Do you remember how I pretty much lamented the drafting of Gore, Ridley, Jones, and...well, everyone?  I sure don't.  This is my team.  These are my guys.  Don't you come all up in here, pissing all over our cornflakes unless you're bladder somehow secretes sweet, sweet buttermilk.  We're the Snow Flurries, and we're awesome!
What went wrong- Nothing.  I played my best guys and they had the most points.  The end.
Bonehead play- Again, nothing.  This week was pretty much the definition of fantasy perfection.  The Snow Flurries are well on their way to another season that raises the expectations just enough to thoroughly crush all hope in the playoffs.

Week 2- If week 1 was the triumphant sequel to my 2011 overture (think "Godfather II"), then week 2 was "Weekend at Bernie's 2".  And just like that, my season has started going downhill faster than an porta-potty on wheels.  Matched up against Center League newcomer Fergette, the Snow Flurries welcoming party forgets to bring a dish to pass in a 153-86 loss. 
What went right- Bowe redeems himself with a 23 point outing, and Tom Brady (barely) has 17.  My attempts to motivate Frank Gore by trashing him out-of-hand are clearly working as he has a second straight strong outing. And, um... not all of Fergettes dudes go for double digits.
What went wrong- Start with the injuries- Aaron Hernandez went out in the first quarter of his game, Matt Forte in the third.  At least Forte got hurt in Week 2 instead of late in the season like last year, so I'll have more time to find a replacement/kick myself for not securing Michael Bush as a handcuff.  Also, I mentioned that not all of Fergette's players went for double digits- merely 7 of 9.  On top of that, Victor Cruz, Reggie Bush, CJ Spiller simply went off, scoring 85 points by themselves.  Let that simmer for a minute- three players on the opposing team scored one point less than my entire team was able to muster. 
Bonehead play-Well, since I didn't have Cruz, Bush, or Spiller to sit on my bench...I'd have to say leaving Ingram riding the pine against the Carolina Panthers, who seem to have one of the worst run defenses in the history of bad run defenses.  Of course, this information really wouldn't have helped me this week- I was run out of the gym.  Still, it goes to show how little I'm really paying attention.  When has that ever come back to bite me though?

Try the very next week.

Week 3- One play.  One.  Stinking. Play.  That's it.  That's all that separated sweet, sweet victory over two-time champion Disco and a division leading 2-1 record with defeat and a 1-2 start .  One play that I didn't make, and now I'm sitting here wallowing in the misery of a 92-84 defeat.  Ah, ineptitude.  My old friend.  I really missed you.
What went right- Robbie Gould had 13 points.  My kicker.  13 points.  And really, that's about the best thing I can say for my team this week. 
What went wrong- They say confession is good for the soul, and while I'll get more in depth in the 'Bonehead Moves' part of the show, right here I'll just come out and say it: I sat Andre Brown and his 25 points.  Yeah, that really doesn't feel any better.  What really killed me though was Peyton Manning's 26 points.   Especially since he was busy sucking the first 2.5 quarters (I even saw a couple of his throws in the third quarter and it reminded me of...well, me).  I've now been beaten in successive weeks by Reggie Bush and post-neck operation Peyton.  I just don't know what else can possibly go wrong. 
Bonehead move- Long story short, I jumped off the Ryan Williams bandwagon about as quickly as I jumped on it.  He was averaging a little over a yard per carry and had two fumbles in two games.  Not exactly the stuff of legend- unless you're talking the legend of The Incompetent Duckling.  So I dropped him and picked up Brown after a nice little 7 point outing in the stead of the injured Ahmad Bradshaw.  Similar thing happened last year on the Giants with some dude named Victor Cruz.  Seemed to work out pretty well for him- and for me.

So after deftly swiping Brown off of the waiver wire right before he plays against the not-very-good Panthers D- I sit him.  I'm not sure why.  Maybe I missed the part where he was playing the Panthers.  Perhaps I was a little too enraptured by the idea of Jonathan Dwyer (whom I saw have, like, a 70ish yard run this one time).  It could have been the early season Thursday night game threw me off.  Whatever the case- I sat 25 points and started -2 points, even though I knew that Brown was going to be getting most of the carries for the Giants and Dwyer was going to be sharing carries with Isaac Redman.  I tried to beat the system, and the system destroyed me.

What really, REALLY sucks is that I can't even draw solace from my concubine league because my mom (my mom!  I freaking lost to my mom!!!) had Ray Rice and Joe Flacco, which basically doubled her point output Sunday night and turn a sure win into a definite loss.  Oh, and Ryan Williams?  He only had 9 points- 9 points which in place of the negadeuce that Dwyer dropped would have won me the game as well.  The lesson here, as always- trust a Cardinal before you trust a Steeler and your mom is better at fantasy football than you. 



After leading the league in scoring last season and getting off to that same type of start, we're falling apart.  Well, maybe 'falling apart' is too strong.  Really I'm one bad play away from being 2-1.  I can't panic when I'm one bad play away from being 2-1.  I had somebody offer a trade to take Julio Jones away from me- he offered a couple solid players, but right now is not the time for solid.  Now is the time to remember who we are, circle the wagons and remind my team that at full strength, we blew everybody else away in week 1.  And also, time to go back to the pharmacy and see if I can get some of that Xanax back. 

I feel pretty good about my team (other than Jonathan Dwyer, who I jettisoned faster than Harry Dunne on Turbo Lax I'll spare you the hyperlink.  My draft, other than the injuries and poor performances, has panned out rather nicely, led by Frank Gore who has drastically exceeded expectations (to be fair, he could have pulled a Billy Cole and still been slightly better than I was anticipating).  All I know is that it's a long season and nobody ever won a championship after the first three weeks.  Well, except for the Miami Heat.  And we all know how that turned out.

PIC: http://cdn.bleacherreport.net/images_root/images/photos/001/404/276/129390268_crop_650x440.jpg?1318892311

Draftstravaganza 2012: The appetizer

First of all- I can't believe I hadn't ever mushed 'Draft' and 'Extravaganza' into 'Draftstravaganza' before.  It's incredible!  Now that I've done it once, I feel like I'll do it again and again and again until I feel the same way I did as a 12-year old when I thought I had coined the phrase 'silent-but-deadly'- a virtuoso of creative genius just waiting to get smacked in the face by the realization that pretty much everybody else in history had done the same thing. 

It's funny what 11-2 can do.  The last couple years, I put in zero prep time.  And as much as I'd like to say that my lack of prep time actually helped me to a league-best regular season mark, the fact that I nabbed Tom Brady in the first round and stole Jordy Nelson/Jimmy Graham in later rounds (both of which I had seen star in the previous seasons' playoffs) probably had something (READ: everything) to do with that.  This year, in an effort to not suck again I studied up like crazy.  Well, okay, so actually I just read a couple articles by Bill Barnwell and a couple of Bleacher Report lists.  Still, comparing my preparation time with last years, I was a veritable Marshall Eriksen.

From the National Studying Hall of Fame induction banquet, 2005

However, don't let the flashy new name and feigned preparation fool you (although if you did, that would help immensely)- this is a draft recap brought to you by Jason Parks, which means you're going to get the rundown of whether I would like to draft my previous years draft picks, and my pre-season thoughts about my draft picks.  As an added bonus, I'm going to be adding a little blurb about the player picked directly before my choice and the one immediately following.  My hope is that this will give you a little more context to my selections, as well as giving you more bang for your buck.

But first things first-which of my 2011 picks was I looking to nab for the 2012 squad?

1 Tom Brady, QB: After a record-setting 2011 campaign, I had the good fortune to keep Brady for the rest of forever.  Which I will be doing, by the way.

2 Darren McFadden, RB: A guy I really would have liked to have again- a supreme talent whose skill level is only matched by his inability to stay healthy.  And since he's probably going to get picked early because of his talent, I'm not planning on getting him.

3 Matt Forte, RB: Despite getting injured last season (and likely single handedly keeping me from winning in the playoffs...just saying), Forte had 163 points last year (6th most all time) and is my second keeper.  That said, I desperately want to make sure I end up with his back-up, Michael Bush.  Just in case...obviously...you know...okay, can we keep going?

4 Mike Williams, WR (Tampa): Mike Williams 2.Tampa is not really on my radar at this time.  Well, that's not entirely true.  He is sort of on my radar.  Because I have a heat-seeking missile  with his name on it set to deploy if he comes within a 100 yards of Snow Flurry HQ.  Freaking Mike Williams

5 Beanie Wells, RB: The consolation prize to McFadden in the 'Talented Backs Who Have A Significant Injury History'.  Unfortunately for Beanie, I'm not playing that game this year.

6 Brandon Lloyd, WR:  While Lloyd is probably in a fairly awesome fantasy scenario (reunited with Josh McDaniels, catching balls from Tom Brady), I'm not going to really go out of my way to look for him.  There's just too much pass catching talent in New England to go after anyone not named Gronkowski or Welker.

7 Mario Manningham, WR: Perhaps I'm harboring a little resentment for Mario leaving Michigan early when Rich Rod rolled over a hundred years of tradition, class, and excellence into town- but I can't see "upgrading" from Eli Manning to Alex Smith being a good career move.  So no.

8 Sam Bradford, QB: I'm not sure what to think about this cat.  He had a solid rookie season and is legally insane brimming with confidence.  But he's also coming off of an injury-plagued 2011 and still plays for the Rams.  I guess if I can't get any other QBs and he's still available in the 16th round...gah.  I don't know.  Flip for it?

By the way, did you notice how I utilized the cross out in back-to-back paragraphs?  Don't worry, I don't plan to use it again for awhile.  I just thought you'd like to know that I do kind of pay attention to my writing.

9 Brandon Jacobs, RB: I read this really smart sounding article about running backs and the age of 30 and steep decline- and in typical Jason Parks fashion, I went and forgot most of it.  So in the absence of solid data, I should probably just go ahead and try and draft him.

10 Jimmy Graham, TE: Oh Jimmy.  Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy.  I want you back, baby- you know I do...but once I decided to not keep you, I knew that my fellow league members would jump all over you like I basted you in Samuel L. Jackson and threw you into the Deep Blue Sea.  Just know this, Jimmy- no one can take away our magical season together.  Not even Roger Goodell.

11 Ravens Defense:  The Ravens D scored 263 points for me last year, the second most in team history.  You better believe I'm hunting these guys down.  After all, they still have Ed Reed, right?

12 Jordy Nelson, WR:  While I would never stray away from a chance to draft an Aaron Rodgers receiver, I imagine 'ol Jordy here going much, much higher than the 12th round slot I was able to nab him in.  And until he has back-to-back historical seasons, that's just a little too high for moi. 

13 Mike Williams, WR(Free Agent):  The much anticipated red-zone threat never materialized.  In fact, he never materialized so much that he dematerialized from the NFL.  Which puts his chances of being drafted by me at about 25%.

14 Greg Olsen, TE: Olsen never really saw the field for the Snow Flurries.  At all.  What, with my season-long running episode of the 'Jimmy and The Gronk' show, and Jeremy Shockey and Steve Smith taking away catches/Cam Newton hawking red zone TDs for his real team...Olsen was not nearly the factor I thought he would be.  But now Jimmy and The Gronk went all Hollywood on me, Shockey's gone, and Newton will likely see a dip in his TD scoring- which means that there is potential for a Greg Olsen in my life. 

15 Patriots Defense: They could string together a season's worth of shutouts and I still wouldn't trust this defense with a ten foot pole.  See?  SEE?  They've scarred me so much that I mixed up my metaphors. 

16 Neil Rackers, K:  I've said it before, and I'll say it again- as long as any kicker is not Nick Folk, I will always welcome him in with open arms and foot firmly planted on his butt 'just in case'.

17 Steve Breaston, WR: After Steve found out I was using him to pass secret messages to Dwayne, he stopped speaking to me.  Which is fine- I have little use for WRs that don't score.  Yeah, you heard me right Steve.  Take THAT!!!  (sniff sniff...you bastard)

18 New York (Giants) Defense:  If I can somehow land the Ravens defense, I will have little use for these guys- even if they did just win a Super Bowl.

19 Cam Newton, QB:  Wait, who is this guy?  Are you sure I drafted him last year?  Did he even play last year?

I mean other than in the NFL's annual post-season All-Star game.

So this is my frame of mine heading into the draft.  Last year I had a team that kicked names and took ass- and while I won't be able to have all of them back on my team, they'll all be welcomed back in my heart.  (Cue 'Awwwww' from studio audience)

Tune in later this week (or sometime next week...or just whenevs) to find out who I actually drafted.  And then, hold onto your butts.

'Cuz it's about to get REALZ yo.

PIC: Marshall- http://i2.listal.com/image/640245/500full.jpg
Newton- http://www1.pictures.zimbio.com/gi/Cam%2BNewton%2B2012%2BPro%2BBowl%2B8jySPI7CZtbl.jpg
Jackson- http://i.ytimg.com/vi/T9uuPza41Uw/0.jpg

The long awaited, highly anticipated, hotly debated 2011 Snow Flurries Draft review

I'm bored out of my mind right now.  B-O-R-D.  But fear not, faithful reader- out of the ashes of my boredom will rise a blog post so revolutionary, so insightful, that it will literally make you do a double-take, rub your eyes, and question everything you ever thought you knew.  It will lead to the end of unemployment, the abolishment of partisan politics, and will lay the first cobble stones on the long, hard road to world peace.

You might be asking yourself what I could possibly be going to the well for in order to achieve all of this.  Well ask not, friends, as clearly I'm going to be reviewing my 2011 Fantasy Football draft. 

As you remember from when I used to write about Fantasy Football back in 2011, this past season was the absolute pinnacle of my young career.  I won the league's regular season so easily that I had to manufacture drama behind the scenes to keep my guys interested (I still haven't had the heart to tell Mike Williams that Sabastian Janikowski is not a cannibal that will eat him if he continues to suck).

In many ways, I feel like a first time father, only this is actually your third child but you're so disappointed in the first two that you just pretend that they don't exist.  I'm proud of this season- I drafted pretty well.  I played the waiver-wire like a pro.  I (mostly) avoided injuries.  Of course, I didn't completely avoid injuries, which is why I'm not coming to you today as the People's champ.

I don't need something insignificant like championship recognition to validate my success this year.  This season was sweet, sweet retribution for the pain and bitter defeat of my whole freaking wretched pathetic miserable existence the last two seasons.  I've seen fire, and I've seen rain.  And even though I'm not sure what in the heck James Taylor is talking about, I'm sure his words are very apt to the moment.
Anyways, that's enough out of me.  Here's my draft review.  In a nod to draft reviews past, I will give comment about my preseason thoughts, my season thoughts, and my moving-forward thoughts- and without even saying a word you will know which is which.  Because that is how awesome you are (guided there, of course, by my benevolent hand). 

1 Tom Brady, QB, New England- I don't expect him to put up the ridiculous numbers that he did last year.  And I was right- he didn't put up the ridiculous numbers that he did last year.  He put up even better numbers.  Three more TDs and 1,000+ more yards (plus 3 TDs on the ground).  Sure, his INTs went up as well- but that's like complaining about Eve's shortcomings as an actress. 

Sure, you're cute- but I want to see inside your soul

If I have my way, this guy will retire as a North Michigan Snow Flurry.

2 Darren McFadden, RB, Oakland- Question- is a no.2 pick a good place to draft a guy who has only had one good season and spent much of his career being hurt? Answer- No, but my other RBs performed so well that it really didn't matter that Run-DMC missed over half of the season.  That said, if I didn't have his handcuff Michael Bush, we'd be talking in a completely different tone right now.  The kind of tone where you move slowly away from the computer and immediately call the authorities (or the tabloids).  I can't honestly see myself picking D-Mac any sooner than the fifth round, which means I'll probably nab him by the third. 

3 Matt Forte, RB, Chicago- I have a huge soft spot for RBs that are versatile. Indeed, Forte's versatility within the Bears offense made him an invaluable member of my squad in the early weeks (and a solid one from the midpoint until his injury).  He had just 4 total TDs on the year and only eclipsed the 70 yard rushing mark (I am not above using mediocrity as a benchmark) five times on the year- yet his ability to be involved in the passing game contributed to his 10.2 PPG average.  Sadly, his late season injury (as well as DeMarco Murray's) kept me from tasting the Championship rainbow.  Potential keeper (depending on how that injury plays out), there will always be a spot at the Snow Flurry table for my friend Mr. Forte. 

4 Mike Williams, WR, Tampa Bay- I drafted [Mike Williams]because he scored 11 TDs last year.  I almost [pushed Mike Williams] off of a cliff this year because he only scored 3 TDs and about 1,000 less yards than in 2010 (300- but it might as well have been 1,000).  He was like the Bizarro Tom Brady, like Eve if she could act like Kate Winslet but looked like this:

But you should never call someone ugly if they have a bow and arrow.

If I had to pick between drafting Mike Williams next year and being set on fire, I'd probably draft Mike Williams- but not before asking a series of clarifying questions.

5 Beanie Wells, RB, Arizona- What better way to have a scapegoat than to have a bruising RB from Ohio State named Beanie, coming off of a monster sub-400 yard, 2 TD season, be your number 5 pick? Remember the song "What Might Have Been?" by Little Texas?  One of my favorite non-love love songs.  That's Beanie Wells' 2011 season to me- if he could have stayed healthy (and got consistently QB play), he could have been The Boss.  As is, he had just enough stinkers to make me always question my choice to play him, tempered with enough WOW games to make me want to build my team around him.   And that's why I'll probably take a stab at him next year at some point- especially if the Cardinals get Peyton Manning- and subsequently spend the 2012 season wondering just what in the hell I was thinking.

6 Brandon Lloyd, WR, Denver- Interesting factoid that I found after doing some post-draft research- Brandon Lloyd was on NFL.com's Top Ten Players Most Likely To Be A Bust list.  I really don't know if he was a bust, because I traded him way early in the season.  (Goes to check his stats).  Huh.  Well, I guess he was the 24th highest scoring WR, so he wasn't a bust per se.  However, I parlayed him into Michael Bush, so for a sixth round pick, this panned out much better than I could have imagined.  Definitely much better than my #2 pick, anyways.  I'd probably give him a shot if he's available in a nice low-round somewhere. 

7 Mario Manningham, WR, New York (Giants)- If Steve Smith did, in fact, vanish into the Bermuda Triangle (as my sources have sort of confirmed but it was probably somebody else), then I expect Manningham to get a lot more touches in the passing game.  Well Steve Smith resurfaced in Philadelphia of all places, but Mario got hurt and all of those extra touches seemed to go to Victor Cruz.  I picked up Cruz before anyone else did, but that's beside the point.  I drafted Manningham and got left with the remnants.  Life is so unfair  Manningham could conceivably find himself in a Snow Flurry uniform sometime in the future. 

8 Sam Bradford, QB, St. Louis- I feel like he'll have a phenomenal year, and gives me great insurance against Brady getting hurt.  Okay, so every single iffy decision up to this point can at least be tempered with a yeahbut.  As in, "Yeah, but he got hurt".  Sure, Bradford got hurt too- but this guy fell so far, so fast that he went from 'great insurance policy against Brady getting hurt' to getting 'Oh my God I can't believe I cut Cam Newton to keep this guy'-released just to wash the stink out of my mouth.  I will not, will not draft you Sam.  Or eat Green Eggs and Ham.

9 Brandon Jacobs, RB, New York (Giants)- What I do know is that Jacobs is a solid bye week/injury replacement.  And he probably would have been.  Of course, in the early weeks of the season, my RB situation was so solid that I could afford to play around with the waiver wire, and so Jacobs only made it to week 4 before being coldly let go into.  Sorry man- nothing personal, just business.  And it will be just business when I stay away from you like you just shook hands with a dude who touches pig guts for a living.  Oh yeah, that was a spoiler.

10 Jimmy Graham, TE, New Orleans- I think this guy could be a potential steal at the TE position.  Seriously- a potential steal?  Jimmy Graham was so far in the steal category that the Leonardo DiCaprio was notified.  I mean, this guy put up WR numbers!  Seriously, if I could have played 2 TEs this year, I probably would have gone undefeated and spent the entire offseason writing blog posts about how I plucked Jimmy Graham out of the air, gave him wings, and told him he could fly.  If Jimmy isn't a keeper for next year, it's because he has been betrothed to one of my top draft picks. 

11 Ravens Defense- They do still have Ed Reed, right?  Yup, and even though Reed wasn't the wicked insane playmaker of yesteryear, he still helped the Ravens D to a respectable showing.  As long as Ed Reed is still playing, I will always give the Raven's D a thought. 

12 Jordy Nelson, WR, Green Bay- I expect big things out of Jordy this year- even if his first name is 'Jordy'.  With all due respect to Mr. Graham, and dorky name not withstanding, Jordy is without a doubt my top pick of 2011.  Jordy had a monster 2k11.  MONSTER.  Even though Aaron Rodgers had quite possibly the deepest receiving corps in league history, he always seemed to make sure that my man Jordy got his.  Indeed, Jordy Nelson ended the year as the #2 scoring WR in our league.  Quite possibly this is the biggest surprise in world history- even more surprising than Rich Gannon being named NFL MVP that one time in the dark ages (2002).  While Jordy isn't going to be a keeper, I guarantee I'm going to start hunting for him much earlier than round 12 next year.

13 Mike Williams, WR, Seattle- I got a valuable 2nd/3rd receiver who will probably be "The Man" on a bad Seattle team.  I got a useless 4th/5th receiver who (for various reasons) had more games of zero points (9) than he did with points (7).  And it's not like he was lighting up the scoreboard when he did score- check out these numbers: 1, 1, 3, 3, 4, 6, 9.  Mike wasn't with me for very long, but the residual blast from this whiff was so bad that Rob Deer felt bad for me.  The Mike Williams experience is over.

14 Greg Olsen, TE, Carolina- Olsen has been solid, and playing for a bad team starting a rookie QB, I imagine that he'll see his fair share of targets.  Olsen did have a solid enough 2011, but with Graham and Gronk logging all of my TE playing time, there was literally no room for Olsen on the field.  Also, whole security-blanket-for-rookie-QB-on-bad-team gig that I was banking on never really took off.  Since apparently Cam Newton is Superman.  You were essentially a one-night stand, Greg- and it wasn't even that great of a night.  So I'll probably forget you.

15 Patriots Defense-It's a Bill Belichick 'D. It has to be good, right? Or at least, serviceable? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.  Yeah, uh-huh, SURE.    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.  You're kidding, right?

16 Neil Rackers, K, Houston- You're going to read my postseason champions speech, see how I deftly nabbed Neil Rackers in the 16th round, and be amazed.  Neil was a phenom at the K position for me, I'm not even kidding.  Even though I dropped him about half-way through and didn't end up winning the championship, you should still be amazed.  I treat my kickers just like I treat creditors- I never make a commitment before they're calling non-stop and threatening legal action. 

17 Steve Breaston, WR, Kansas City-The only reason I picked Steve is because I still have Fantasy Football feelings for Dwayne Bowe, and I want someone on the inside who can let me know how he's doing- and let him know that I still care, and I'll treasure our magical autumn forever.  After I scored D Bowe in my concubine league, I had no reason to keep Breaston.  So I didn't.  The end.

18 New York (Giants) Defense- Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer.  Yup.  That settles that. 

19 Cam Newton, QB, Carolina- Rookie. Hehehe ROOKie- I'll probably never play this guy. I don't think he'll do very well. I just thought it'd be cool to take the first overall pick of the NFL draft with the next-to-last pick of the fantasy draft. Teach this kid a little humility. Make him work a little bit. Here on the Snow Flurries, you aren't just handed a starting spot because of your draft accolades- you gotta earn it.  Wow.  Just wow.  If I had kept Newton instead of, say, oh, I don't know....SAM BRADFORD, then I'd probably be writing this blog somewhere on Main Street in the middle of a confetti shower and hundreds of hot chicks screaming my Championship name.  Instead I'm sleeping with the fleas and cockroaches in the alley of Third Place wiping the specks of food out of my Not-Championship 5 o'clock shadow.

I mean, yeah, Cam blindsided all of us.  No one knew he was going to explode on the scene in the fashion that he did.  But still...he was on my team.  MY TEAM.  I drafted him.  Ran him through the drills.  Let him run the plays.  Sent the equipment manager to have him come see me- and to make sure he brought his playbook.  I was his genesis, his beginning- his very existence in the Center League was because of me.  I should have known.  Right?  It doesn't matter.  Because I have literally 0% chance of getting Cam Newton next year. 

What might have been, indeed.
 
Eve-http://www.pwpix.net/superstars/e/evetorres/images/eve-torres-4.jpg
Jack Black- http://www.stomptokyo.com/reelopinions/images/nacho3.jpg

Snow Flurries 2011- The March of the Penguins continues

Do you know why I'm writing about my Fantasy Football team this week?  Do you?  Huh, huh?  Do ya do ya do ya????  Also, imagine I'm pretending to poke you while being about a half inch from you.  Sorry about the over exuberance- I just can't help it.  I'm on a bye week this week!  Do you even know what that  means?  Why, simply this- I had one of the top two records (well, actually the best record...just saying) , so while the playoffs are starting for the rest of my league, me and my boys are going to be sitting beside a pool somewhere in Marquette and...okay, well it's like 1°F with a wind chill of -9°F right now, so we're probably not at an outdoor pool...come to think of it we're probably in like a Best Western or something.  Man, this sucks.  Wish we were playing.

Anyhow, sorry if that came across a little bit insufferably jerky- it's just that you literally no idea how shocked and surprised I am that my team has not only done well this year- but it has done VERY well.  Sure, I could lose next week and go home with the consolation prize of 'Paper Champion'.  But for a guy who had never had a winning season before, to have the best team in the league this late in the season...well, it's a pretty big deal.  And so over the next couple weeks, I will probably continue to write insufferable jerk things about my Fantasy team (even more so if I actually, you know, win at all in the playoffs). 

But I know you really love this because you've seen me bare my heart and soul on these pages, and you know the pain and suffering I've endured the last two years and you're probably just really happy for me.  Therefore I'll continue to indulge you with what is essentially "Chicken Soup for the Fantasy Football player's soul".


 Week 8- This week, I realized that the term 'Fantasy Football' is actually quite a misnomer.  See, if this was my 'fantasy', then my best players would never have bye weeks at the same time, they would never get hurt, and they would always have 'green' matchups.  So in reality, "Fantasy" Football usually ends up being "AARRGGH  FRICKING STUPID #*%*" Football and I hate it.  Week 8 found me facing the expansion L'Anse SHEagles, with (so I thought) all three of my top RBs out (two with bye weeks) and many of my other players caught in 'red' matchups (Note: I'm not actually going to explain the difference between 'green' and 'red'.  Feel free to make up your own definitions).  My team was brave and almost pulled out the win, but ended up on the short end of a 113-102 score.
What went right-Victor Cruz (15) and Mario Manningham (12) looked good in my WR corps.  Nick Novak had 15 in the K slot.  And I only lost by 11 points.  So that's a good thing- a positive I can build off of, right?  RIGHT????

This doesn't have anything to do with this article- but anytime you can post a picture of a football player peeing on the sidelines...well, you do it.  You just do.

What went wrong- Earlier, I alluded to the belief that my top three RBs were unavailable to play for me.  Of course, Beanie Wells wasn't really out- he just let me think he was all week.  He must have had, like, his own personal healing crusade, going from "season ending injury" to "maybe see some action versus the Angry Ravens" to "14 points".  Thanks Beanie.  Thanks for the heads up.  JERK.  Tom Brady struggled so badly in Pittsburgh (even though he had 19 points) that I seriously went out and started checking out other QBs.  What's that- Curtis Painter is still availble?  Interesting (strokes chin)....  It didn't help that all the NFL talking heads kept going on and on about how the league had figured out how to stop the Patriots.  
Bonehead move- Analyzing each game like it's a middle school relationship.  Seriously, I am running out of ways to discuss my inability to grasp reality when it comes to Fantasy Football.  Aside from the whole 'it's not really real' aspect, I cannot understand my lack of understanding that, despite having poor matchups and some injuries, I almost won this game.  This was not a bad loss- and yet, mentally, the dip to a 6-2 record somehow forced me to tighten the belt-strap of my positive outlook and plan for another playoff-less year.  After an 11 point loss.  Dear God, what's wrong with me????

Week 9- Oh, great.  A matchup with War Machine, my other nemesis- just when things are falling apart.  Perfect!  That's just great.  This is the guy that knocked me out of the playoffs a couple years ago.  This is the guy that I always seem to make some really dumb move when I'm playing against him that costs me the game.  And while I didn't get the most out of my matchups this week, I was able to pull off a 102-99 thriller.   
What went right- I'm going to have to start calling Matt Forte "The Closer", since for whatever reason he always seems to be one of my last players playing and has never failed to score enough points to secure the win.  This week he had 11, which paired with DeSean Jackson's 0, enabled me to eek out the improbable victory.  Of course, it wouldn't have been so improbable if I hadn't left Gronkowski's 17 and Nelsons 17 on the bench.  Brady ended my brief flirtation with Painter by scoring 20, and Michael Bush had 18 in relief of the injured RunDMC.
What went wrong- Once again I'm bitten by the "Smart move turned stupid by WTFness".  DeMarch Murry, a third round pick who had been playing semi-sporadically, racks up 18 points against the #6 defense.  Obviously I sat him.  Beanie Wells, meanwhile, faced off against the next-to-last ranked defense- and accumulated a whole 3 points.  Obviously I played him. 
Bonehead move- I think it's because I'm starting to realize that this whole thing is a crapshoot and there really are no great or bonehead moves except in hindsight, but I probably played my roster the right way this week.  Even though I left lots of points on the bench, my theories behind them were usually sound, and things just didn't turn out the way I thought they would.  Wait a minute, was that cool-headed logic I just applied?  I think I need to lie down.

Week 10- Whew!  That was close.  No time to enjoy a hard earned win though- not with Bullies coming into town for a rematch.  A win coupled with a loss by War Machine or Disco will guarantee me a playoff spot.  And I did my part (almost doubling him up, 158-80, as my team remembers that it kicks serious ass), therefore reducing the magic number to clinching not just a playoff spot- but the division- to 1 game. 
What went right- I had 7 of 9 guys go for double digits.  Brady had 32 and put Curtis Painter so far back on the rear view mirror he looks like Kurt Cobain.  Bush had 30 on the Thursday night game, which gave me a little bit of relief after a couple stress-filled Sabbaths.  Murray had 23 and Nelson had 18. 
What went wrong- Picking nits, but Gronkowski had 24 points on my bench.  When you win by 78 it's difficult sometimes to pick out the bad.  Which you have to do, or these slackers will turn soft.
Bonehead move- At this point, things are going the best they ever have in my Fantasy Football career.  My roster, as I've said before, often sets itself.  I have tremendous depth at RB and TE, with a great QB, a solid D, and enough points from WR and K to fill in the blanks.  No bonehead move this week.  Other than Gronkowski. 

Week 11- A rematch with Disco, who has turned things around (4-1 in his last 5) and is now in the thick of the playoff hunt.  A win here and I pretty much clinch the division.  And (as I like to think I am wont to do in such situations) I put the lumber to Disco, 137-65 (my 2nd straight week of high scoringness) and clinch the division.  Hello, playoffs- it's been awhile!
What went right- Hmmm....should I start with Nelson's 25?  Or how about Gronkowskis 21?  Maybe Brady should get some props for his 20.  But I'll give the props to Cruz, who had 19 and is pretty much the best waiver wire pick-up I've ever had.  A special shout-out to Kevin Smith for the huge, HUGE game he had for the Lions.  No, he wasn't on my roster- and Disco didn't leave him on the bench.  No, Smith was racking up 39 points for the Lions for the Knights while Mercury Morris (starting for team Disco) was more importantly not racking up those points. 
What went wrong- Nothing for me (other than Mike Williams' 14 point resurrection from the dead) - but poor Disco.  Chris Johnson continued his campaign to forever be the highest paid RB by making sure other teams never ever give contract extensions to their RBs again.  This time, it was a 2 point stinker.  Of course, there's not too much sympathy from a former 4-9 squad given to the 2-time defending champs.  I just needed to write something about Chris Johnson and how much he sucks this year. 
Bonehead move- None.  Zip.  Zero.  I was flawless this week.  Well, other than I could have played Mike Williams and got some more points.  But then I would have had to play Mike Williams.  And that would have been a bonehead move.

Week 12- So this must be what retirement is like- you work, work, work for your whole lifetime (or in this case, 11 weeks) and when you're done, you just kind of...sit there, I guess?  Because having clinched the division and a first round bye with 2 weeks to go...I'm not sure what I should do.  I can't rest my starters, because they aren't really resting- so I guess I'll just keep kicking ass and taking names.  This week I rematch against Team Knights, and since the Lions (which are the lifeblood of the Knights) play on Turkey day, I knew that by Friday I would know whether or not I'd most likely win or not.  And it turns out that I did win, rather handily, by a score of 153-90.  For the third straight week (and fifth time overall) I have the highest score in the league.  At this point I keep pinching myself to makOUCH!!  Yup.  Not dreaming.
What went right- Tom (35 points) you know I wouldn't have traded you for real, right?  Please tell me you know my sudden infatuation with Curtis Painter was mostly because I saw him from behind.  You've always been the QB for me, Tom.  Jimmy Graham (20), Cruz (28), and the Ravens D (25) all crack the 20 mark.  And sadly (for the Lions fan who lives somewhere in the closet of my brain) the Lions struggle, which means that Team Knights struggled.
What went wrong- But it's a good thing the Lions struggled- because I would have been simply livid with myself had my sitting of Beanie Wells (and his 28 points) came back to bite me.  I know, I know- he was playing against the Rams- how could I sit him?  To which I would have replied, 'How could I not sit him?'.  Last time they played the Rams, he had 2 whole points.  I remember that game, because I had been so excited to play him against the Rams- 2 points.  2!  Additionally, they said he was pretty banged up.  And John Skelton was his QB.  So that's why I sat him.  And his 28 points.  But it wasn't just wells.  Even Donald Brown had 15 points.  And Mike Williams had 12.  It's like my bench guys are starting to riot.  There's too many points- I can't keep them under control, warden!!!
Bonehead move- Having my bench guys use up their cosmically allotted groups of points.  I didn't need any extra points, fellas!  I won by 63 this week.  Why didn't you use those earlier this year, Mike?  Beanie, where were some of those 28 points the last time you played the Rams?  YOU'RE KILLING ME GUYS!!!  KILLING ME!!!

Week 13- A late season divisional rematch against Dennis with...well, nothing on the line?  The stakes in this pre-playoff tune-up are....surprisingly low?  My goodness.  What a crazy year this has been.  But I've been rolling, and life's been good.  I clinched a playoff spot a few weeks ago, clinched the division last week, and Week 12 saw me clinch the top overall seed.  What to play for, really?  I guess 11-2 looks better than 10-3- and who wouldn't want to enter the playoffs on a high note, right?  So obviously I went out and won 106-91 to cap what has been (and will most likely be) the most glorious year of my Fantasy Football career.
What went right- This win largely came down to luck as opposed to skill.  Stephen Jackson (for Dennis) was playing against the 49ers behind the immortal A.J. Feeley.  Given those two facts, his 2 points was probably more like 13-14.  Brady (23) and Gronkowski (24) combined for almost 50 points, and the Ravens D had 27.
What went wrong- Forget about the fact that Bush and Murray each had only 3 points while Wells (12) and Brown (11) languished on my bench. The Closer got hurt early in the Chiefs game.  It didn't hurt me this week, and it might not even hurt me in the playoffs (since I'm freaking LOAD-ed).  Still, if there's ever a time when you want your #1 RB to get a season ending injury, it's definitely not in a meaningless tune-up game right before the playoffs.  Seriously Matt- I'm sorry.  I'm sorry that I played you- I just...well, I just felt the peer pressure, and those guys are all still fighting for their playoff lives (bless their hearts) and I didn't want to make it seem like I was being unfair, and I....okay, I'll stop.  Just please, get better soon!
Bonehead move- Leaving my RB situation potentially in the hands of a rookie, a Colt, and Beanie Wells.  Seriously.  I think that my WRs are going to have to carry me now in the playoffs, and while they've shown that they theoretically can do that...I don't even want to go there.  I need to go lie down again.

So I'll be honest- this season review was hard to write.  When things are going poorly, it's so much easier for words to flow like water from the broken places of my soul onto the screen.  But man, when things are going good?  It's just a pain in the butt to try and think of ways to celebrate my awesomeness.  I only came up with, like, five. 

As far as the playoffs, I think I have a real good shot at taking it all.  But I also know that anything can happen.  For instance, if the playoffs had started this week (and I didn't have my, you know, FIRST ROUND PLAYOFF BYE!!!!!)
then most of the teams in our league would have bounced me from the playoffs.  So we'll see what happens.  The only thing I know for sure is that a huge episode of pain and misery is only one misplay or one injury away.  Ah yes, there's that good old defeatist cynicism I've been missing!

PIC-Chicken soup- http://www.blogcdn.com/www.kitchendaily.com/media/2010/05/chicken-in-pot-240.jpg
Novak- http://larrybrownsports.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/nick-novak-peeing-530x363.jpg

2011 NORTH Michigan Snow Flurries- Weeks 1-7 (The Snow Job)

A couple weeks ago, I was talking with my cousin Chris.  It was on a Monday night- the Monday night when the Lions whupped the Bears on Monday Night Football.  I suppose it was the first time the Lions had been on Monday Night football since the Mesozoic era.  Anyways, during our conversation Fantasy Football came up.  It's pretty rare for me to talk about football and somehow not relate it back to Fantasy Football.  Sort of like how I can't talk about anything without relating it back to Fantasy Football.

I told him about my dilemma about having Matt Forte of the Bears on my team.  I was losing my game, and I needed Forte to get a bunch of yards and/or touchdowns- just not at the expense of a Lions win.  Chris explained that these types of scenarios were the reason he quit Fantasy Football.  An intelligent viewpoint, by the way.  I told him that I wished I wasn't like this, but that I just can't help myself.  Rationally, I can't think of a reason to stay.  Emotionally, I can't leave.

The amalgamation, of course, is what keeps me coming back.  That unadulterated combination of emotion and logic sets all of the gears in my brain on fire at once, and it takes me to places in my creative soul that I could never find on my own.  If there was something else that could do for me what Fantasy Football does then surely I would switch.  But for right now, this is where it is at- a place I like to call 'Living'.

In case you're wondering what the hang is going on, I'm giving you a review of the first half of my Fantasy Football season.  Completely absurd, by the way.  But if you've been around these parts before, you know that ridiculousness is my modus operandi.   

I thought about waiting until the season was over, but I decided against it.  For one thing, it is therapeutic for me to write while in-season.  It releases all of the shennanigans and ridiculousness and overreactions into cyberspace, and gets me on a nice-even keel.  Just in time for the playoffs, when my idiocy amps it up to 11.  Additionally, my team is 6-1.  This is the best record I've ever had, and since I am completely an utterly hopelessly cynical about the nature of Fantasy Football, I believe this is probably the best it will ever be. 

So with that inspiring intro, I present to you the first half of the NORTH Michigan Snow Flurries 2011 season. 

Week 1- After what happened last year, my only hope was to make it through my matchup against expansion franchise Team Knights with zero injuries.  Well I did that-and a little more, as my team comes out with guns blazing in a 162-133 victory and the Snow Flurries first-ever 1-0 start.
What went right- Tom Brady, where have you been all my life?  After having a revolving door at quarterback the last couple years, I finally have a guy that I can just plug in weekly and assume that 20+ points are in the bag.  This week Brady went off for 44- a Snow Flurries record and my first 40+ point game ever.  (Holding back the tears) I feel so proud- it's as I had a son, and my son was an NFL QB and he threw for 517 yards and 4 TD on Monday Night Football.  I love you son!

But les Averses de Neige are not a one-man band.  My starting backfield (Darren McFadden, Matt Forte, Beanie Wells) combined for 53 points.  The Ravens 'D' (29 points) justified my blind faith in them.  Except for Mario Manningham, all my guys score doubled digits.  I also benefited from my opponents misplay, as the Knights left 2 guys on the bench with 25+ points each.
What went wrong- When you win by almost 30, you really didn't do anything wrong except think that you did.  It took approximately one half of football on a Thursday for me to start kicking myself over points (Jordy Nelson's 13) left on the bench.  Understand- there's no logical reason why I would have started Nelson over Manningham and Tampa Bay Mike Williams.  They're all good receivers.  But the fact that Nelson scored more points than either of them means that I spent most of Friday and a good part of Saturday kicking myself over a "misplay" that wasn't even a misplay.  How pathetic is that?  PLEASE DO NOT ANSWER
Bonehead move- Playing in a second league.  I now realize that my emotions (which are already tattered, frail messes on Sundays) will constantly be battered and torn apart even more, because it is now possible that I will be facing off against players that I own in an alternate universe.  Let me break it down.

After the 1:00 round of games, I was trailing 100-78, but I was feeling pretty good about my chances.  I still had four players to go (Brady, McFadden, Wells, and Manningham), and my opponent only had Steve Smith I.  Smith was playing in his first game since retiring in 2008, so I...oh.  He didn't retire.  What happened then?  Did he fall off the face of the world?  Because I don't remember him playing the last couple of seasons.  Are you sure he didn't die? 

Of course I will remember him now because of his career resurrection in which he torched me for 33 points that he also scored for me.  Head...spinning...grey...hair...starting...

Week 2- The Snow Flurries have their first chance ever to go 2-0, which is a lot like 1-0 except it's twice as good.  I spent all week getting ready for Team Fergy, a constant thorn in my side, only to find out there was a scheduling screw-up and my opponent was changed to the Castrated Bulls (formerly the Bullies).  If Fergy is the thorn in my side, then the Bulls are like a giant flaming ACME safe and I am Wile Coyote. Despite the short notice, my team adapts quickly and walks away with a 140-121 victory.
What went right- Brady fell back to Earth this week, scoring "only" 36 points.  My draft "strategy" (it should be noted that the use of "my" and "strategy" in the same sentence is something of a misnomer) of drafting versatile RBs pays off as neither Forte or McFadden rush for over 100 yards and yet both have over 15 poitns.  7 of my 9 players end up in double digits, including Nelson, who scored all 14 of his points on one play late in the 4th quarter of his real game. 
What went wrong- Rob Gronkowski's 20 points would have looked heckabetter in my lineup than on my bench.  And Mike Williams had 0 points.  A goose egg.  Mike, how are you going to come into my house, eat my food, sleep on my couch, and disrespect me like that.  You know what dawg- I ain't even mad at you.  We're 2-0, baby!  Last year....well, last year, I'd have been figuring out a way to arrange a short walk on a long cliff for Tampa Mike.

Wait- don't you mean a long walk on a short cliff?

Um, no- obviously he'd die!  Duh!
Bonehead move- Pfftt.  Please.  We're 2-0.  I have the top scoring team in the league at this point.  My roster practically sets itself.  There is no bonehead moving this squad- you'd have to have a football pedigree of like, Matt Millen or something.  STOP- don't you dare say anything.

Week 3- A killer early season matchup against the two time defending champs and my team is dinged up.  I'm a little worried about the toughness of my team.  This is our Super Bowl- and you guys want a week off?  I had a guy come back from the dead last year- I don't want to hear about your wussy injuries. Hamstring? Please. What are you, pig shoes? Concussion? You can't just make up fancy words and pass them off as legitimate injuries.  ARRGGH- youngsters these days.  Oh well- despite not being at full strength, my team is still strong enough to shock the champs 145-86.
What went right- Brady, McFadden, and Raven's D outscore Disco's entire team.  Even with his top scorers at each position, I would have still won the game.  Graham overcomes a 0-point first half to finish with 17, and Neil Rackers bangs home 15 big ones at the K spot.  Discos' big guns (Phillip Rivers and Chris Johnson) combine for 13 points. 
What went wrong- My WRs only have 8 points.  I leave points on the bench at RB because Beanie Wells is too wimpy hurt to play and literally everyone on my bench who played in a game outscored my Waiver-wire handcuff, Chester Taylor.  And while that move (and the 23 Gronkowski point game) obviously would not have come close to costing me the game, the fact is that we are trying to change a losing culture here.  2nd place isn't good enough.  Winning isn't good enough.  Winning by almost 60 isn't good enough.  NOTHING IS GOOD ENOUGH!!!!
Bonehead move- Picking up Taylor in the first place.  To think I wasted a transaction on a guy who scored 3 points for me in a 59 point win.  Unbelieveable.  And it's not like I didn't have other running backs- Michael Bush and Brandon Jacobs, each put up a double-digit on my bench.  Oh well.  No time to savor this win, only to beat ourselves up over the things we sucked at and try to get better just enough for next week so that we can still beat ourselves up afterwards about how we need to get keep getting better.

Week 4- After a huge win, the Snow Flurries had to travel to Team Moose (his team's real name is some sort of leet speak, which I refuse to acknowledge) to take on the leader of the other division.  I was worried going in- sure, my team was the highest scoring team 2 out of the 3 weeks, but Moose was high scorer the other week.  Nevertheless, I knew this was a chance to flex my muscles against a good squad, and flex my muscles I did with a resounding 144-88 win.

What went right- Wells was again questionable most of the week, but was able to get well enough to rack up 32 points.  Forte added 30 and McFadden 11.  It's hard to lose a game when your starting RBs contribute 73 points.  The Raven Defense also went ape, racking up 37 points. 
What went wrong-  Despite Graham being nothing but awesome for me all season and having a favorable matchup against the Jaguars, I subbed Gronkowski.  At the time, Gronkowski had been almost matching Calvin Johnson's prolific TD stretch, and with Brady on my team, I figured I could use the Teammate Connection extra points.  Of course Gronkowski scored 1 point while Graham scored 20.  I hope Jimmy didn't take the demotion personally.  Manningham also scored 1 point, while Nelson and his 15 languished on the bench.
Bonehead play- If I would have played Graham or Nelson, I could have had the high score in our league.  I won handily, so I can't complain too much.  It just would have netted me an extra $1.

Week 5- We must protect this house!!!  After spending much of my first two years of Fantasy Football with sub-.500 records, the weight of a possible 5-0 start has literally whipped me into a blood lust frenzy.  I'm doing 9-0 yard analysis, researching waiver-wire players, evaluating future matchups, and sacrificing squirrels to the football gods.  Actually, that last one isn't true.  It was chipmunks.  KIDDING.  So an intra-divisional matchup against Team Dennis awaits my team in Week 5.  This is a trap game if there ever was one.  Team Dennis is tied for second place, just sort of lurking back there, while my team is coming off of 3 high-profile matchups in a row (with a grudge match against Fergy lurking in Week 6).  Add in the fact that bye weeks are coming up and these slackers are eyeing their paid vacations...there's a big chance that my team could fall flat on its face.  And right on cue, the Snow Flurries fall way behind early, then again late, and need almost every second of football to pull out a 90-79 win over Dennis. 
What went right- It's easy to keep your chin up and play hard when you're winning easily.  Much less easy to keep plugging away when things aren't going your way.  My guys could have just thrown in the towel, accepted a divisional lead tie, and got ready for next week.  The fact that they battled back in an ugly, rock-em/sock-em type affair tells me a lot about the character of my team.  It doesn't hurt that I got 16 points from bye-week starter Giants D (who I picked up earlier in the week), 13 points from Graham (whew!  He doesn't hate me), and 15 clutch MNF points from Forte.
What went wrong- Williams volunatrily signs up for purgatory by scoring 0 points.  McFadden struggles to put up 6 points, and Brady's off game of 17 fails to keep pace with Brees' 25.  Kendall Hunter, a bye-week fill-in who literally signed with Team Dennis on Sunday morning, scores 6 points in the late games to give Dennis a 5 point lead with only two games to go.  Trying to keep myself from going crazy, I tell myself that this is a manhood test, and if I can't have two players score 6 points then I don't deserve to win.  Then Nelson racks up 1 whole point, with Forte still to play against an inspired and tenacious Lions defense.  Fortunately Forte scored enough for the victory, but I shouldn't have had to win like that.  Partly because it's just not fair, and mostly because I left 21 points from Victor Cruz on the bench.
Bonehead move- I don't qualify sitting Cruz over Nelson and Williamsas a bonehead move- I don't.  Even though I've butted heads with the Experts in the past, I agreed with the assessment that time was needed to properly evaluate the roles of Manningham and Cruz.  Now it is clear that Cruz is a player to watch, and Manningham can still be solid.  But I didn't want to chance it at the expense of Nelson (who has always been solid) and Williams (who I just wish didn't suck so bad). 

Week 6- Ah Fergy, my nemesis.  Other teams have beat me, but no one has beat me the way Fergy has.  Including the consolation game last year, I went 0-3 versus Fergy in 2010 (1-4 lifetime).  Two of my most devastating defeats have come at his hands.  Fergy entered this game as the second hottest team in the league (3 game win streak) and second high scorer.  So believe me, he had my full attention.  And after losing our first game of the season, a 108-96 decision, he has even more of my full attention.
What went right- Brady had 20 points (we won't talk about the 2 picks he threw).  Forte and McFadden each had double digits, and Nelson made his two real-game catches count for 17 fantasy points.  Graham had 13 as well.  Fergy left points on the bench at RB and Defense.
What went wrong- Of course, you can afford to leave points on the bench when you have two players (in his case, Aaron Rodgers and Michael Turner) combine for 56 points.  Seriously, the rest of his roster did just okay.  Those two guys killed me.  I think Turner was out for a little jilted lover revenge, and I'm okay with that.  I've moved on, right Victor?  Oh yeah, that's right- Cruz choked in his first game as in the starting line-up. 
Bonehead move- None, actually.  At this point in the season, I have to say that I really don't have any bonehead moves to date (other than my drafting, but we'll get to that analysis after the season).  It could be an artificial sense of my own accomplishment, but the fact is that my team has pretty much performed to its maximum capacity every week. Sure, we have some depth issues- especially at WR.  But overall, we're humming along pretty well.  We could very well be 6-0 if a couple of plays to Manningham hadn't been overturned.  So I'll just stay here...at the first place ball...waiting for the prince to notice me (or the clock to strike Midnight, whichever comes first).

Week 7- Ah, the week after the first loss of the season.  That's usually when the panic and paranoia sets in.  It's just that usually this happens to me after Week 1, so I have much more time to right the ship.  Now, despite sitting at a league-best 5-1 record, I've managed to thouroughly convince myself that I'm destined to watch the playoffs from the sideline.  Every future matchup for my guys is like a virtual Steel Curtain.  To make matters worse, this week I'm playing 1-5 El Diablo.  On paper, this should be a cake walk for me.  His team is missing most of his potent weapons due to bye weeks, and I'm projected to win 141-48.  But I think back to last year, and how he was 4-0 and I was 0-4, and I defeated him- so I'm not taking this matchup lightly at all.  You wouldn't know it though by my effort.  Sure, I bring home the 73-51 win.  But that's just about all I'll be bringing home from this turd sandwich.
What went right- Matt Forte scores 24 points on foreign soil, which unfortunately is not subject to the exchange rate but is still quite impressive.  Graham ends up with 17 (and the eventual game winning points).  The Ravens D scores 15.  And Joe Flacco sucks almost as much as Matt Cassel. 
What went wrong- Wells and McFadden both go down with first half injuries.  Cassel throws 2 picks, has a TD pass overturned, and finishes with 2 points.  Nick Novak racks up a grand total of 3 points at K (while Neil Rackers enjoys his 11 points on waivers).  Let's see, what did I miss?  Oh yeah- how about DeMarco Murrays 33 (on the bench), Mike Williams 7 (on the bench) and Doug Baldwin's 0- right out in front for everyone to see.
Bonehead move- Sigh...I almost wish that I could say I've had some bonehead moves.  But really, my logic was sound.  My methods, flawless.  I couldn't have known that two of my top-three RBs would get injured.  And sure, Wells was going against Pittsburgh, which is more like Sarlac Pit-tsburgh for RBs- but he's El Hombre for the Cardinals.  I knew Murray would get some totes for the Pokes- but who knew he'd have 253 yards? 

The problem with having a team perform at it's peak every week is that you feel so hopeless when things go wrong.  When your guys aren't performing, you're just watching the seconds tick away, and there isn't anything you can do about it.  At least if I make a misplay or a bonehead move, I can pass the blame.  I can blame the experts for poor predicting.  I can blame Eli Manning for not throwing the ball to Manningham more. I can even blame myself for making the bad play.

The funny thing is that I'm sitting at 6-1 and I feel worse about my team than I did a year ago at 3-4.  What kind of monster am I?  Who has made me this way?  I know that I am a messed up human being.  But this is 'Living' my friends- and I wouldn't have it any other way.  Unless I could.