Rex Ryan and the $75,000 F-bomb

In the spirit of Thanksgiving in three days, I have finally found something to be thankful for.  And it came to me in the most unlikely of places (New York) in the most unlikely of packages (Rex Ryan).  Guys, I am thankful for Rex Ryan. I'll say it right now, I don't even care who knows it- Jesus, thank you for giving Rex Ryan to the NFL.

True, I think he talks way too much trash for someone who hasn't really done anything except almost make it to two Super Bowls.   And...actually, I guess now that I think about it, the only thing I really hold against him is his bravado.  Hmmm...he might actually be a decent guy!

Let's see...his players seem to love playing for him.  He has a better sense of humor than most coaches.  Rexy has, for the most part, been a successful head coach- two trips to the AFC title game the last two years (his first two on the job, OH BY THE WAY).  He's quite portly, which gives me and my expanding waistline hope for success.  Shoot, I might have just talked myself into the Rex Ryan fan club.  Thank you, Thanksgiving!

Since I'm Rex's newest BFF, I have no other alternative than to come to the defense of my closest friend.  Today, the NFL announced that Rex Ryan would be fined $75,000 for swearing at a fan.  Here's the video if you haven't seen it:

Apparently the NFL stands for 'No F-bombs aLlowed', or something.  Apparently in the magical land of the NFL, a fan can provoke a coach who is coming off of a three hour emotional rollercoaster (that pretty much ended with a straight shot down into hell) into saying the 'F' word and it costs the coach $75,000.  Meanwhile, Lee Corso drops an 'Effer in a nice comfy chair surrounded by cute,cheering co-eds-

 

And don't forget beautiful college girls

and gets zero disciplinary action (other than having to apologize on-air).  So unfair.

Seriously, this is completely ridiculous!  Is anyone else as pissed off as I am pretending to be?  I know, I know- these aren't even the same situation.  Two very different bureaucracies (NFL vs. ESPN) involving two wildy divergent histories (the Sunshine Scooter versus the NFL's Marshall Mathers).  Some dufus with a webcam pokes Rex with a verbal stick (which seems about as smart as poking a bear with a stick-stick, and not just because of physical similarities) while Corso works the room like a comedian getting ready to drop the big punchline.  Just makes me sick.

I'm not really bothered by either incident, actually.  I've already talked about how words are really just formations of letters that are devoid of meaning unless it's assigned meaning from an external source.  An 'eff bomb' here or there doesn't really bother me at all- in fact, Lee Corso doubled my joy intake for his gaffer.  I just find it terrible that Ryan's more defensible act cost him 75,000 bones while Corso's seemingly more pre-meditated (at best, less of an emotional reaction) cost him a five-second apology.

Okay, okay, my ill-conceived and baseless rant in defense of my buddy is over.  Yes I was wrong.  I recognize that there are rules for a reason and that Ryan clearly violated the sportsmanship clause of the disciplinary policy.  As the coach of an NFL team, you can't take your frustrations out on the poor, defenseless probably drunk fans.  You have to keep your cool, Rex.

But this is where I show Rex that I'm a real friend.  Because not only did I stick up for him- but I'm going to help him do better next time.  I did some exhaustive research (by that I mean I read like, four articles maybe) and found some ways that Rex can blow off some steam, maintain a sense of self-deviance, and save a bundle of money (or at least get more bang for his buck). 
- Try to rip off an opponents head by grabbing the face mask and just ripping that puppy off.  That only cost Matthew Stafford $7,500.  Savings- $67,500
- Allow someone to try and tear your head off and then get pissed and retaliate, just like D.J. Moore did.  Sure, you'll get fined twice as much as the guy who tries the initial head/neck breach ($15,000), but you'll still save a cool $60,000.
- Next time there's a lockout, just say 'Whatever' to the rules and keep in touch with your players.  The Bucs just got fined 100,000 big ones for improper lockout contact.  Sure, it's more money up front.  But wouldn't you rather spend $100,000 to practice illegally than $75,000 getting pissed because it looks like you don't practice at all?
- Lots of times, we can tell if we're starting to get stressed way before we have a big blow up.  And when that happens, we just have to find someone that we're comfortable talking to.  Blow off a little steam, get some feedback, and we're good to go.  Crisis averted.  Borrow a page from Troy Polamalu's book and just keep a cell phone handy on the sidelines for such an occasion.  That'll only cost you 10k, and save you a fortune (depending on your cell phone plan, of course).
- Sometimes a little talky-talky doesn't really do the soul any good though.  In those instances, the best thing you can do is find someone in a vulnerable, defenseless position and just unload on them.  Knock that poor bastard into next week.  It won't save you a ton of change (Ryan Clark was fined $40,000 for hitting a defenseless receiver), but the satisfaction it brings will make up for it in spades.
- Don't be afraid to do something a little bit dangerous...as far as fashion goes.  The NFL had to fine Earl Bennett twice (for a total of 15,000) and threatened him with an additional $15,000 fine for wearing bright orange shoes during two games (instead of the acceptable orange and blue shoes).  Why the fine?  I posit that it's because Earl was just working those shoes, man!

Admit it- you would pretend to care about fashion to be this close to Heidi Klum.

- It's okay to admit that you don't like Tom Brady.  You hate him.  You don't have to pretend with me, Rexy- I know how you feel about him.  Especially when you look at your own QB (Mark Sanchez) and see how much he sucks when compared to Brady.  It's like that cocky neighbor kid you just can't stand...except you keep comparing him to your own kid and realizing how much better he is than your kid and so you still hate the neighbor kid but now you don't really like your own kid and ALRIGHT ALREADY JUST HIT HIM IN THE KNEE- JUST TAKE A SLEDGEHAMMER TO THAT #*%$*#@*% KNEE FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!!!!!!  Cost of relief- $15,000 (as long as it's you nicknaming one of your players 'Sledgehammer'.  An actual sledgehammer to the knee will probably run you much more than $15,000)
- Sometimes it's not what you say, but how you say it.  Take A.J. Hawk for example.  In a game earlier this year, Hawk decided to fly the Middle Finger flag- and only got docked $10,000.  Think about it man- if you just flip the bird when you're in the tunnel, instead of using that sweet, sultry baritone booming voice to thunder the old 'F.U.'- you'd most likely still have that $75,000 to spend on Twinkies.  Worst case scenario, you're only out $10,000.

Of course, it'd probably be best if you just handled it like your peers do.  After the game, charge across the field like a crazy-eyed Jack Nicholson, launch yourself into the air (as much as is possible after charging all the way across the field) and simply slam into the opponents coach- a la Jim Harbaugh/Schwartz.  That might be the least appropriate course of action, though.  After all, as a coach, you're expected to model acceptable behavior and model fine, upstanding citizenry.  And to do something like that would cost you way more than the $75,...wait, what?  They didn't get fined?  Never mind.  Break out the Sledgehammer.

Information regarding fines was used from several articles on NFL.com
PIC- Kirk- http://www.clevelandleader.com/files/Kirk%20Herbstreit.jpg
Christian- http://www.nypost.com/r/nypost/blogs/popwrap/200809/Images/200809_christian_siriano41.jpg

Freecell football. Yeah, it's pretty much what you think it is.

Here at youshouldknowjasonparks.blogspot.com*, we strive to bring you a smorgasbord of interesting content to make you think, (hopefully) laugh, and shake your head in amazement/disgust.  My expressed goal is to bring it with each and every post.  Sometimes that means I write about my thoughts about God.  Sometimes that means I keep you up to date on my Fantasy Football team.  Sometimes that means I deliver some ideas about humanity in the world we live in.  But today, for the first time ever, I'm going to talk to you about my absolute favoritest card game that I play on the computer- Free Cell.

If you haven't played Free Cell then please stop reading this blog right now, go over to the program menu, click on the game menu, highlight Free Cell, and get ready to have your mind blown.  Free Cell is like solitaire if solitaire was King Leonidas played by Patrick Dempsey if Patrick Dempsey was Patrick Swayze.  Yeah, it's like that.

The thing I love most about it is that it requires a good amount of strategy and planning.  In solitaire, you're at the complete mercy of the deck.  All you know is the cards on the top- most of the deck is a complete mystery.  And the stock too is completely blind- so to me it's much more of a game of chance than it is strategy (although there are elements of both, to be sure).  So when I win a game of solitaire I feel good- but I also feel like I was more like a mouse in a box, led by a series of pre-designed pellet droppings to an already determined outcome.

With Free Cell, it's all on me.  Everything is laid out there.  Win or lose, it's most likely due to some sort of human error I made instead of some random placement of cards.  In fact (and when I say 'fact', you should know I'm taking my facts from Wikipedia), there is only one unwinnable Free Cell game out of 32,000 (from the original Windows), while the estimated number of unwinnable games in solitaire is between 8.5-18%.  Basically if I lose in solitaire then it's 20% likely that I had no chance before the game even started.  Meanwhile a Free Cell game will pretty much always rise and fall based on my abilities (which I should tell you are substantial).

And I like that.  I like the feeling of being in complete control of my game destiny.  That means that when I win, I win because I was smarter than a stack of computer generated playing cards.  I was able to use my mental faculties and precognition to triumph over my inanimate enemy.  If I lose, it's because I made a wrong choice or got ahead of myself- no mystical force leading me astray.  No computer defense to accuse of cheating.  The only person to throw the controller at is myself.

But hey, the point of this blog post wasn't really to trumpet the superiority of Free Cell over solitaire (ATTENTION- FREE CELL IS SUPERIOR TO SOLITAIRE).  My point is to let you know that I am challenging myself to my own Free Cell football league.  Yes, my efforts to incorporate football into every facet of my life knows no bounds.

Let me explain what I'm doing.  I'm going through a series of 16 game 'seasons', if you will.  At the end of each 'season', I advance to the playoffs depending on how many victories I achieve.  9-11 wins gets me in the Wildcard round, and 12-16 gives me a first round bye.  If I make it to the playoffs, then I follow the NFL playoff format until I win the 'Super Bowl' or lose (whichever comes first).  My first 'season' I went 12-4  but lost in the equivalent of the conference championship game (note: the only way that I could make this possibly cooler is if I somehow managed to clone myself into any multiple of four and set up equal divisions that I could compare records against and actually set up a literal playoff tree against myself.  Science, get on this please).  I was devastated to be sure- so I went out and made some impressive moves in free agency and drafted shrewdly to fill some needs.  I'll let you figure out what that means.

Last 'season', which I finished tonight, I went 11-5.  Not my most impressive finish, but considering I started 1-4, it was quite a feat- especially since I won the Super Bowl!  That's right, I managed to overcome a 1-4 start to finish with a playoff berth and like the Green Bay Packers of last year, I won four straight games to reach the pinnacle of my trade.  Move over, Freddie Mercury- I am the champion, my friend.

Rest assured faithful reader, I'm not going to be bringing you frequent updates of my Free Cell successes and failings.  This will probably be the only time you have to read about these shenanigans.  But I did think that the world needed to know that I take my Free Cell as seriously as I do my Fantasy Football.  Which is to say that I take it way too seriously.

*I suppose that hyperlinking to a website that you're already at is a little superfluous.  It's like giving you a map to a door, and the door is in the middle of the room that you're already in.  But that's okay because it's just nice to know that there's no place like home.

Super Bowl Most Popular Player- The early years (I-V)

As promised, my assessment of Super Bowl MVPs I-V (that's 1 through 5 for the non-Romans in the room). I'll wait to start while you process the fact that I was able to deliver on a promised time frame.



Reminder- I am rating the quality of the MVP selection with this scale:
5- Hands down the best player in Super Bowl (X). No way anyone else wins this award.
4- Played an exceptional game, but there were a couple other worthy candidates.
3- Played a good game, but so did many/zero others
2- Played okay, probably should have been a different MVP
1- Do the voters even watch football?

Up to speed? Good...cause here we go!

-Super Bowl I

The outcome: Green Bay Packers 35, Kansas City Chiefs 10
The MVP: Bart Starr, QB, Green Bay
Worthiness: 4
The why: 16 completions in 23 attempts for 250 yards and a pair of touchdowns (with 1 interception), Starr played a very solid game, mixing up excellent game management with some nice stats. Indeed, this was a top-to-bottom case of NFL-whoop ass put to the AFL, and Starr was the poster boy for the effort.
Who else: You could make a case for Max McGee, who caught 7 passes for 138 yards and two scores- a performance which is even more impressive because McGee was a little used back-up who only played because of an injury to Boyd Dowler. Those passes had to get there somehow, though. Elijah Pitts scored 2 times on the ground- but only had 45 yards rushing- so he's out. The only other players that I would consider being options would be Willie Wood (who had a very key 50 yard interception return early in the second half to help turn an unexpectedly close game into Packer rout) and Len Dawson. I really don't know what else Wood did, so it'd be tough to name him the MVP based on one play. And Dawson had a nice game- but his stats were not as good as Starr's, and his team only managed 10 points. Kinda hard to justify an MVP award to a player whose team just got shellacked by 25.

Good job voters.

- Super Bowl II

The outcome: Green Bay Packers 33, Oakland Raiders 14
The MVP: Bart Starr, QB, Green Bay
Worthiness: 3
The why: Because when an entire team lays the smackdown, you have to pick someone to be the representative Smackdowner. Seriously, this Green Bay dominance stuff is getting old. Starr didn't have flashy stats this time around, but he again was the engineer in the Packer War Machine. He was 13-24 for 202 yards and a touchdown (0 turnovers). Oh, and he had a 14 yard run. So he averaged 14 yards per carry. That's actually very impressive.
Who else: Unfortunately, not really anybody else had a stand-out game on paper- hence Starr's second straight MVP award. Bill Miller of the Raiders snagged 5 balls for 84 yards and a pair of touchdowns- but one of those was in garbage time, and those numbers aren't all that impressive. Don Chandler went 4-4 on field goals for the Pack- but the Super Bowl MVP award would have lost all credibility if a kicker got to win it. Football is a mans game- never mind that it starts with the word 'foot'.

-Super Bowl III

The outcome: New York Jets 16, Baltimore Colts 7
The MVP: Joe Namath, QB, New York
Worthiness: 3
The why: I almost wanted to go with a 2 here- Namath had decent stats (17-28 for 206 yards), but had no touchdown passes. And as I read about this game, it really came across as a Colts loss as much as it was a Jets win. Additionally, there were some other (in my mind) more realistic options as far as being the 'Most Valuable' player goes. Nonetheless, I feel that Namath does have some stake to a credible claim given the historic nature of the upset victory and no glaring mistakes- and the fact that his legs are simply fabulous.
Who else: There's actually a decent list of suspects here. Let's start with Matt Snell. The bruising fullback was a huge part of the Jets' ball control attack with 30 rushes for 121 yards and the Jets only touchdown. He also caught 4 passes for 40 yards. George Sauer, Jr. also had a stand-out game at wide receiver for the Jets, with 8 catches for 133 yards. I also submit to evidence the name of New York cornerback Randy Beverly- his two interceptions both thwarted Colts' drives deep in Jets territory. And finally, Jets tackle Winston Hill, for playing a significant role in plowing holes for Snell and protecting Namath. From the Colts, I almost said Tom Matte...until I read that 58 of his 116 yards came on one play and he had a fumble that led to Jets points. Sorry Tom- I know that sometimes losers can be winners, but alas my friend, there shall be no soup for you.
New Pick: Broadway Joe-you played well, and certainly didn't do anything poorly- but I feel like your accomplishments were a byproduct of the real Most Valuable Player of Super Bowl III- Matt Snell.

-Super Bowl IV

The outcome: Kansas City Chiefs 23, Minnesota Vikings 7
The MVP: Len Dawson, QB, Kansas City
Worthiness: 2
The why: Jeez, I'm starting to feel like 'Super Bowl MVP' is a misnomer for 'Who Had The Better Quarterback/Less Bad One'. Yes, yes, this was a different era, and I've spent the last few years partaking of an NFL where the forward pass is king and players are wussies. Still though- that's no excuse for one sided games and lowish statistics. Not when it comes to deciding who is the Most Valuable Player in the NFL's biggest game of the season. Dawson did have a sterling completion percentage (12 for 17)...but only 142 yards (46 of which came on one play) and 1 touchdown pass (which came late in the third quarter) that was offset by an interception.
Who else: Unfortunately for the sanctity of the award- there really was nobody else. Maybe the Entire Chiefs Defense should have got it- they forced 5 turnovers, had 3 sacks, and held the Vikings to 67 yards rushing and 7 points (20 points below their average). Jan Stenerud would have also been a candidate- if you honestly believe that a kicker is legitimately a football player. Honestly, the most impressive statistical performance came from wide receiver John Henderson from the Vikings- 7 catches for 111 yards. True, it's not the best wide receiver numbers ever- but golly gee it looks like a much better stat line for an MVP than the one that Dawson posted.

(It should be noted here that I understand the sway that numbers hold- they don't tell the whole story, and it's possible to be deceived by numbers- each way. Sometimes they are more impressive than the actual quality of the performance- and sometimes they aren't as remarkable as what just transpired. Also, I'm conducting this 'analysis' from boxscores and game recaps. Forget the grain of salt- you probably have to take this with a whole block. Nonetheless- you can't tell me that a true MVP at quarterback couldn't put up better numbers than Dawson did. I will not be convinced.)

-Super Bowl V

The outcome: Baltimore Colts 16, Dallas Cowboys 13
The MVP: Chuck Howley, LB, Dallas
The worthiness: 0 (I know this goes against the scale- but Oh. My. Goodness. Nobody that played in this game deserved to be known as the Most Valuable Anything)
The why: Because 1971 is the most progressive year in history. It has to be- I don't even need to look at anything else that happened to know this. I mean, come on- not only was a non-quarterback named Super Bowl MVP for the first time- but he was a defensive player! On the losing team! Now THATS progressive. Howley picked off a pair of passes and recorded an undisclosed number of tackles and sacks.
Who else: Ugh. Just ugh. Turnover fest central. I couldn't even make it through the recap without making a run to the toilet- I can't imagine actually having to watch this. Whether all these turnovers happened because of sloppy football, advances on the defensive side of the ball, or the fact that the teams were still adjusting to belonging to the same league- this was not a pretty game, at all. I think the fact that a defensive player from the losing team was named MVP speaks volumes about this point.
New Pick: Jim O'Brien, K, Baltimore. For kicking the game winning field goal with 5 seconds left- the football equivalent of a mercy killing.

Well, that was Super Bowls I-V. Not too impressed with the Super Bowl MVPs up to this point- but fortunately there are still 40 Super Bowls to provide redemption!

Super Bowl Most Popular Player- The Intro

While on respite at my folks house last weekend, I got a chance to watch Super Bowl XIII- the last Super Bowl played before I was born. It was a little surreal, to watch a football game that took place before Jason Parks was a part of Earth. But aside from the grainy footage, woefully outdated graphics, and boring commentary- it was basically a football game. The kind you would turn on your television to watch in 2011.

After the first quarter, I found myself trying to recall the Most Valuable Player of that game (I'm no Schwab stumper, but I have a decent handle on NFL history, especially Super Bowls). I knew that Terry Bradshaw had captured a couple of Super Bowl MVP awards during the Steelers 4 1970's championships. The reason my curiosity was piqued was that Bradshaw had a very rough first quarter I think he threw an interception and lost a couple fumbles. Overall he had 4 touchdown passes and over 300 yards, but a low completion percentage and the aforementioned turnovers. Sure enough, though, Bradshaw was named the Most Valuable Player of Super Bowl XIII. It got me thinking about the whole process of selecting an MVP for the big game. Often times, it seems to be more about popularity than value.

So what I plan to do over the next Whenever (note: I know I talk all the time about this series and that series- but when it comes to football, I'm gold, man. So you know that I spit truth, yo) is go through the list of Super Bowl MVPs, and rate them on a five point scale to determine their worthiness. I'll also try to determine why the player was chosen that was chosen and discuss any other viable candidates. If I'm feeling particularly ballsy, I will anoint a new Super Bowl MVP for that particular game.

Since I basically pulled the five point scale out of a hat, I should probably lay the groundwork now for that five point scale. Here's what I'm thinking...
5- Hands down the best player in Super Bowl (X). No way anyone else wins this award.
4- Played an exceptional game, but there were a couple other worthy candidates.
3- Played a good game, but so did many/zero others
2- Played okay, probably should have been a different MVP
1- Do the voters even watch football?

Now I know that the champion of the Super Bowl is the real deal- but MVP is still significant. They get a luxury car and a trip to Disney World. Those are high stakes, man!

Unlike the mental block placed on voters, I will not be bound by the narrow view that the MVP must come from the winning team- because MVP performances can happen on both sides of the ball. Also unlike actual voters, I won't be conducting this series immediately after viewing the performance in question. This may be a hindrance or a blessing. Obviously much of what I'm going to be researching is cold hard statistics and game synopses, which do not always tell the absolute truth. For example, Bradshaw threw for over 300 yards and 4 touchdowns in Super Bowl XIII. Great stats. What the numbers don't tell you, though, is that there were big chunks of yardage gained on short throw-and-runs by his receivers. Lynn Swann made a couple of fantastic plays on short passes. Maybe Swann should have been the MVP. I don't know- I'll get to that in segment 3 of this series.

Of course, sometimes we make more rash judgments when we're put on the spot immediately after witnessing something. We don't really have time to process it- so we make a gut reaction. And with a game like football, sometimes it's tough to see past certain players or positions to make a more objective decision.

I am not normally one to make grandiose statements or exaggerated promises. But trust me when I promise you via statement that By this weekend, I will posted my analysis of the Super Bowl MVPs from Super Bowls I through V.

Word is bond. Yo.

Did haz it just got real?

Wow. I mean, WOW. What the flip is happening on Earth here? First Egypt, now most of the Middle East...and Wisconsin too. Wisconsin? Come on, cheese heads- you guys just won a Super Bowl. What could possibly be going on to make you so upset?

Seriously though- it's kinda crazy, if you're following the news at all- so much unrest in the Middle East, and things on the home front aren't any more stable. Plus, there is a possible government shutdown looming- as well as an NFL lockout. I can't imagine life without the government or the NFL (not necessarily in that order).

And to top it all off, I watched a special on Fox the other night about Iran (it was called 'Iranium'), which basically talks about how Iran wants to wipe America off the map. They talked about how they could fire a nuke way above the country that would effectively serve as an EMP that would wipe out all the electronic devices that we have. All of them. Knowing how much we depend on electricity for everything- it was a slightly disconcerting thought.

I don't know how feasible this whole thing is- I know that Iran would need a nuclear warhead, which they don't have yet. Yet. Of course, it seems that their whole national focus is to acquire this so that they can destroy us. Those big meanie heads!

What does it all mean? I'm no Nostradamus. So I don't know. It's a little scary- and yet, it's surprisingly comfortable. I feel like we've danced this dance before. 31 years isn't a lot of time to accumulate lots of worldly experiences- but it is a decent chunk of time. I know this isn't anything new- and that in a lot of ways, life is like a game of Mad Libs. Just plug in this 'noun' or this 'a country' or any 'natural disaster' at any given time and you'll get an accurate state of affairs of our planet.

I'm not really freaked out, and I'm not trying to play the role of fear monger, either. I do, however, think that it's important that we know what's going on in this great big, and yet small, world that we all live in. We are all interlocked- after all, we're six degrees away from knowing Kevin Bacon.

Can't we all just get along?

Super Bowl Weekend...which is much more like Super Bowl Two Weeks

I blogged about the Wild-card round. I wrote about the Divisional round. You read my thoughts right here about the Conference Championships. Shoot, I even spent time on the Pro Bowl. So what makes you think I wouldn't spend time on the biggest game for futbol americano?

Let's get it started in here.

-Green Bay vs. Pittsburgh
So I decided to watch a little bit of the pre-game show this year. Not the whole thing- after all, doesn't it start at like 6 in the morning? I did watch a couple hours of it at the in-laws house though, while munching delicious turkey.

And I had an epiphany. Maybe it was the MSG in the turkey, or maybe the fact that I actually sat down to watch a Super Bowl pre-game show, but I realized as I was sitting there watching it that it is probably the biggest waste of time in TV history (or so I thought...until I saw the half-time show). The red carpet "show"? LAME. Seriously, why do I want to watch a bunch of famous people coming into the game and then listen to them blabber about football? The only reason you are there is because you're rich and famous. Woopdy doo. And their "insight" was no more "insightful" than much of what I say right here- and in some cases, it was less so.

I also have mixed feelings about the whole Danica Patrick godaddy.com line of ads. Obviously she's a very attractive woman, and she needs to make money too. It just seems like such a shame that someone who, in my eyes, has done a lot to show that women can be successful, high-profile athletes in male-dominated sports (yes, for this argument I am considering race-car driving a "sport") would cater to the lowest common denominator by appearing in sexually provocative (although non-explicit) commercials. But that's just me. I'm sure millions of dudes out there would disagree- even if they are being led to a watering hole with no water in it.

Unfortunately for me, I missed the absolute best moment of the Super Bowl- the National Anthem-because we didn't get snacks and such until right before the game (BTWs- don't go to Wal-Mart right before the Super Bowl- they only have like two check-out lanes open and they are all out of the really good stuff).

Now understand that I'm not violently opposed to Christina Aguilera getting the gig to sing the Anthem. I just don't get into that type of singing as much. I enjoy a good, traditional Anthem, and the occasional acoustic rendition. I pretty much detest the pop-star diva amped up version. But that doesn't mean that I don't think that people who sing like that shouldn't get a shot at it. She's had a good career, she can sing well, she's American- sure, why not? Well, now we know why not. Because she obviously doesn't know the song.

If there is one part of the Super Bowl that should go off without a hitch, it's the National Anthem. The football game itself is prone to the mistakes that normally would occur during a football game. The half-time show is a mistake anyways. But the National Anthem? It's you and a microphone and a song that you've probably sung hundreds (if not thousands) of times. So how do you mess that up? Especially during these very politically charged times that we live in- Christina, you have to nail the Anthem! America is counting on you! The Stock Market is counting on you! The military is counting on you! Don't you dare let us down! (BTWs, it was awesome that the cameras went immediately to a group of troops that looked like they were going to do a Code Red to Aguilera as soon as she got off stage)

Going into, and for much of, the game- I really didn't have a rooting preference. I'm not much of a Packer fan or a Steeler fan, but I do appreciate the legacies that both franchises have created over their respective histories. Living in Michigan's Upper Peninsula, I know many Packer fans. MANY Packer fans. In fact, here's an interesting theory I came up with- I believe that all Michiganders (except the transplanted cheeseheads) are band-wagon Packer fans, and this phenomenon exists on a scale. The closer you are to Wisconsin, the less of a bandwagon fan you are. I'm just saying.

So my rooting interest was very much influenced by my situation at work tomorrow. A couple of the parents of the kids I am in charge of are very big Packer fans. I definitely did not want to go to work after a Packer loss- because that would have just killed the air of positive small talk that I have worked so hard to cultivate. But also, I would be expected to be empathetic to the plight of their beloved Pack- and as a Lions fan, I just don't have enough pain and suffering to give to anyone else's team. Plus, I think that Packer fans could use a dose of humility- and who better to give it to them than a team with a sex addict at quarterback? (Note: I have no idea what the connection is there)

I hate to be a hater- and admittedly, I wasn't 100% sold on Black-eyed Peas as a half-time performer- but oh my goodness. That was the worst half-time show I've ever seen. It's even worse than those MTV "all-star" half-time shows they used to do before the nipple slip. I mean, there was lots of cool lights (probably too many, which is why they put some of them on the costumes)- and a neat stage- and all sorts of dancers- and even a guest appearance by Usher (dude can dance). But what the heck was going on? I mean, there are four members of the Peas, correct? But only like two of them were actually doing any significant singing. What do the other guys do?

The truth is, the NFL is in a long-term rut for half-time shows. I can't even remember the last time there was a decent half-time show. I understand that they want to make the Super Bowl an event the whole family can enjoy, but all that the Black-Eyed Peas did was put on a show that had entire families saying "What the heck is this crap?". You know what I think they should do? They should make half-time like the half-time of a normal game. You know- where the talking heads sit around and talk about the actual game- the game we're all watching. It couldn't be any worse than seeing lots of shiny lights, pyrotechnics, and crappy music.

They could cut the pre-game show down by about five or six hours- the only thing that the pre-game show brings to the table that hasn't been beaten to death over the previous two weeks is the red carpet and live music- and I'm sorry, if I wanted to see the red carpet and live music I'd watch the Grammy's. Just think about it, NFL.

At the beginning of the 4th quarter, I decided to root for the Packers (sorry Josh). I did this for a couple reasons:
1) Our friend Zach came over to watch the game. He is from Wisconsin, and so by birth he is a Packers fan.
2) My dread of having to pretend to care that the Packers lost joined forces with my desire to have something to small talk about at work tomorrow.
3) The Packers were winning. Like most Packer fans from Michigan, I figured that now was as good a time as any to jump on the bandwagon.

Man, the economy must really be bad. Pretty much the only commercials were car ones and movie trailers. Even the beer companies came up lame. Speaking of lame- again, most of the commercials were duds, although there were some very clever ones. I had never heard of Car Max before, and probably never will again- but they definitely had my attention for about a minute of Super Bowl Sunday. Good work, Car Max.

I'm sorry Fox- I've never seen Glee, but I can tell you it's not a comedy. And how do I know it's not a comedy? Because I've never seen it. Do you know how to spot circular logic? It's easy- the logic is circular.

Oooh, new show on Fox. Terra Nova. Looks like Avatar, but in the past (I originally thought that they were doing a sort of Star Wars prequel to Avatar). Even has the same military dude in it. PASS.

I had a feeling that tonight was going to be a good, good night. What a great game- coming right down to the wire, and when Green Bay failed to score a touchdown on that drive- well, I got a little nervous. I mean, Big Ben has been here before, and ripped human hearts right out of their cages, right on this stage- and it was like they scripted it. Fortunately the Pack's D was able to overcome Chuck Woodson's injury (which, again, felt scripted) and stop the Steelers to "bring the Lombardi trophy home".

Greg Jennings was the first Packer on the scene to be congratulated by Pam Oliver. "To God be the glory" is the first thing he said. I knew it! I knew it! I totally knew that God intervened in this game. His fingerprints are all over it. If I were the Steelers, I'd as Commissioner Goodell to look into this. I know these are serious ramifications- but if we thought the Patriots were cheating when they engaged in Spy-gate, imagine how the world would feel if they found out that the Packers had elicited help from the Divine? Would we have to go back through all the Super Bowls? How many championships has the Lord directly affected? What should we call this- Heavens Gate? Greg- I'm just playing. To God be the glory indeed- but don't forget to thank Big Ben, who basically handed you guys 14 points.

Anyways- from beginning to end, Fantasy Football to Madden NFL Superstars (best game on Facebook, if you're my friend you should totally play it) to these playoff blog posts, it's been a great and fun season. I hope that there is season next year for me to dip my shenanigans into- and if not, I'll figure out some way to brag about my exploits in virtual football. Until next time- I love you. And I love me. Hence, the title of my blog.

Where do I stand? Easy- Pro-Tebow.

Well, just a little over a week until the Super Bowl- and you know what that means- cool commercials! Seriously, that's like the best part of the game...seeing what the creative genius at all these big companies shelled out millions of dollars for. 30 seconds of air time....over two million dollars. No wonder our economic structure is all out of wack.

If you haven't heard, Focus on the Family ponied up the dough and is running an ad on abortion featuring Tim Tebow and his mother, talking about how her doctors told her to get an abortion. Obviously she didn't, and that has worked out well.

This is, needless to say (but I'm going to say it anyways, because it's a blog, and because it's 11 at night), slightly controversial. Here's my take on it.

In some ways, I don't mind it. I think it's great. Focus on the Family had the extra 2 mil, CBS needs money, voila. Commercial, capitalism, democracy- it's all great. Good message, good story. Bada bam.

Why I'm thinking that this is a bad thing...I see precedent being set here. This is going to get ugly. I feel like the wrong battlefield is being chosen for this. Because if you open this up to pro-life ads, then you are now opening the floodgates for any and every advocacy group that has some passion and a message. This isn't your grandpa's world, and the fact is that we the viewer, in the future, are going to be subjected to ads that poke and prod at issues that get us really fired up.

Now maybe not en masse, like the Bud Bowl ( I do miss Bud Bowl spots, by the way...it was like watching a football game within a football game)...but think about it. That means that you are going to be watching an ad for something that you are completely against. Maybe you're against homosexuality. Maybe you don't think that marijuana should ever be legal. Maybe you want the government to send the Mexicans back across the border. Maybe you are zealously a creationist. Whatever the case may be, you aren't going to be able to pick and choose. You can't say "well, I'm okay with CBS running the Tebow ad, but dammit they better not show the Mahmoud Abdul-Rauf one where he talks about his conversion to Islam".

And that's the problem I see with this. Hate is already festering deep within this country. Sports, the Super Bowl in particular, are a great chance for us to escape whatever it is that is going on in our lives. That's why so many Americans who are ambivalent about the Saints or the Colts are probably going to find themselves pulling for the Saints. It's amazing what that football team has meant to that community, to that city, and it's just a really great story. The Super Bowl is a chance for us to put aside our hate and anger. We don't need some 30 second commercial reminding us of the things that divide us. Do we?

Some people think this is a perfect opportunity to spread a message. I disagree. I'm tuning in to watch football...and the halftime show on the off chance that they are able to raise the dead again. Or are you trying to tell me that the Rolling Stones are still alive? I'm watching because I want to get away from this kind of stuff. We'll have all year to argue pro-this vs. pro-that.

You know what I see, in my head? I see a bunch of people watching the game at the sports bar. Some of them might be gay. One or two could be Christian...maybe there's a group of atheists. Probably someone who was (or maybe even is) a drug addict. A dead-beat dad, over there at the sports bar. The waitress has a second part time job so that she can afford to put food on the table for her toddler. That guy in the back beats his girlfriend. Up in the front is the head of the United Way. I think we all have some people on this list that we know and love- and maybe some that we just wish could be dragged out back and shot. But we're not so different, all of us.

HUMANITY. We all have our problems, our issues, our faults and flaws. We all have our beliefs. We all go here, or there, our lives forever flying in different directions, always held together by this one thread- our humanity. That doesn't mean that there aren't differences, or even that there shouldn't be. Right and wrong? They're there. But why do we focus on how different we are, instead of building on how similar we all are?

So is there a problem with the Tebow ad? That's really not what you need to ask yourself. You should be asking yourself if you have a problem with the ads that are sure to come later, the ones that deal with the issues that you don't want them to deal with. Because that's the only way that you can really answer the question.