Okay, I love myself. I really do. If you haven't noticed this by now, you just haven't been paying attention. I find myself fascinating. I often laugh at myself, and do things just for my sheer amusement. I'm a shameless self-promoter. Just check out the title of my blog. And I also love lists. I love ranking things, categorizing, just having order in the midst of chaos.
Facebook is notorious for its lists about its members. So when you combine lists with narcissism...well, it's like my brain and technology hooked up, had a kid, and named it 'Awesome'. You mean I get to construct lists about myself? For others to read? Yes, I'll take two, and supersized! I try to do every Facebook list I come across. Some are fun, some suck. But I still do them, because I am hooked.
So now, for your viewing pleasure, I present to you the Special Edition Boxed Collectors Set Greatest Hits of my Facebook notes! There are some behind the scenes stuff, deleted scenes, complete with all four theatrical trailers! Well, some of those things are not true. Actually, none of them are. I basically just copied and pasted these lists from my Facebook page. I know that some of you aren't Facebookers (at least, I'm really hoping...because otherwise I'm reaching 227 people, tops), but if you read it on Facebook, then you read it on Facebook. This is nothing new. The only thing that's cool about this is that it's a collectors set. It has different packaging. You know you want it....it's collectible!
MAKE UP NAMES LIST:
1. YOUR SPY NAME (middle name and current street name)
Dean Lincoln
2. YOUR MOVIE STAR NAME (grandfather/mother on your dad's side and your favorite candy):
Darrell Triple Peanut Butter Cup Ice Cream
3. YOUR RAP NAME (first initial of first name and first 3,4 or 5 letters of your last name):
J-Parks
4. YOUR GAMER TAG (a favorite color, a favorite animal)
Black Newt
5. YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME (middle name, and city you were born in)
Dean Alma
6. YOUR STAR WARS NAME (first three letters of your last name, last three letters of mother's maiden name, first three letters of your pet's name)
Parecznon
7. JEDI NAME (middle name spelled backwards, your mom's maiden name spelled backwards)
Anakin Skywalker (Check the profile photo folks)
8. SUPERHERO NAME: ("The", your favorite color and the automobile your dad drives)
The Clear S-10
9. YOUR ACTION HERO NAME (first name of the main character in the last film you watched, last food you ate)
Gil Pizza
SENIOR YEAR EVENTS LIST:
1. Did you date someone from your school? Yes I did. It was my longest relationship before I met my wife, weighing in at a whopping 3 months. Yeah, I sucked at relationships.
2. Did you marry someone from your high school? No one at my high school was worthy of my hand in marriage.
3. Did you car pool to school? Yes. Yes I did. My 'friend' had a big yellow vehicle...I guess you might call it a 'bus'. She took me and several of my other high school and middle school friends, who all lived on a 'route', to and from school.
4. What kind of car did you have? I got an '86 Plymouth Relient ON THE LAST DAY OF SCHOOL. That's right. My very last day of high school, I went and got my first car. So I never got to know the feeling of being a high school student and driving to school.
5. What kind of car do you have now? 2005 Dodge Grand Caravan (Ranae has one of these too, I didn't even have to change the answer!).
6. It's Friday night...where are you (then)? Football Game or a basketball game.
7. It's Friday night...where are you (now)? It's very top secret, and if I tell you I'd have to kill you. The very fact that I'm telling you this much means I could already have been compromised.
8. What kind of job did you have in high school? I worked at Meijers, as a grocery bagger. It isn't as glam as it sounds.
9. What kind of job do you do now? Part time caregiver, full time student.
10. Were you a party animal? Just being me is a party in and of itself, so I do not need to go places to 'party'. When I want to 'party', I just am.
11. Were you considered a flirt? I was probably considered a quiet kid. I think I tried to flirt, but I was so goofy that it came off as being, well...goofy.
12. Were you in band, orchestra, or choir? Varsity band, percussion section. We finished undefeated.
13. Were you a nerd? Pleading the fifth.
14. Did you get suspended or expelled? No, but I did miss over the maximum amount of Black days (our school colors were Black and Gold, we did block scheduling...Bio II was on Black Days, Gym Aide was on Gold days...), and I was supposed to make it up at school, which I never did.
15. Can you sing the fight song? Kinda...it's the same melody as the MSU fight song, so I never went out of my way to learn it.
16. Who was/were your favorite teacher(s)? I liked Mr. Franklin...Econ...I didn't learn much, but I had lots of fun, and he'd always talk about the 'Dead Things'...and that was the year we broke our Cup drought.
17. Where did you sit during lunch? I have vague recollection of something like a 'table'....and there were several 'chairs' seated around these 'tables'. I think I sat in one of those.
18. What was your school's full name? Bullock Creek High School
19. When did you graduate? 1997
20. What was your school nickname and/or mascot? Lancers. Bullock Creek actually has a rich tradition of mounted knights carrying spears into battle.
21. If you could would you do it all over again? The only thing I would do again would be to get to know people better and be more open. The cliques and the drama? No thank you.
22. Did you have fun at Prom? Hmmm....let's look at the scoreboard. Proms While In High School 0, Proms After High School 2. So no.
23. Do you still talk to the person you went to Prom with? Every day.
24. Are you planning on going to your next reunion? No.
25. Before FB, did you still talk to or see your HS friends? A couple. It's been nice to find people to see how they're doing and stuff.
100 MEANINGLESS FACTOIDS LIST:
001. Real name → Jason Dean Parks
002. Nickname → Parks, Jay...I know, real original
003. Single or taken → I'm being held against my will. Just kidding ;) Very taken.
004. Zodiac sign → I think I'm a Taurus
005. Male or female → I contain genetic elements of both female and male.
006. Elementary →Floyd Elementary
008. Middle School → Bullock Creek Middle School
009. High School → Bullock Creek High School
010. Hair color → Dirty Dishwater Blonde, but in the past it's been black, brown, magenta, and bleached blond.
011. Long or short → It's getting long. Really this is a relative question though.
015. Are you health freak → Sometimes...moreso than I used to be.
016. Height → 6'0"
017. Do you have a crush on someone → I don't believe that violence is a good way to solve problems.
018. Do you like yourself → Are you kidding? I LOVE myself, and I think everyone else does too...
019. Piercings → No
020. Tattoos → I have a tattoo of a piercing. No, I'm kidding. I don't have any.
021. Righty or lefty → Righty
FIRSTS :
022. First surgery → None.
023. First piercing → Never.
024. First best friend → Bryan Kern. We met at a garage sale at our mutual neighbors when we were both 4. The rest is history.
025. First award → The first I remember is 8th grade most helpful boy.
026. First sport you joined → Baseball.
027. First pet → a dog named Toby.
028. First vacation → Hmmm...I don't know. My first out of state vacation was going out to Oregon in 2000 to see my old youth pastor and his wife.
029. First concert → Someone at Pine Knob, I don't remember. Dad, help me out?
030. First real crush: The two teenage girls in the movie 'Goonies', especially the girl named Andy.
CURRENTLY :
049. Eating → Nothing
050. Drinking → Water
052. I'm about to → Fly off the handle. Not really.
053. Listening to → The Veggie Tales Jonah movie.
054. Waiting for → The movie to be over.
057. Wearing → Sweat pants and a big grin.
YOUR FUTURE :
058. Want kids? → We have two, but we're done for now...open to adoption in the future.
059. Want to get married?→ I'm already married. Nice try though
060. Careers in mind? → I would love to be a career musician. I also want to work with at-risk families.
WHICH IS BETTER IN THE OPPOSITE SEX? :
068. Lips or eyes? → I've never dated a girl without either, so I'd have to say both.
069. Hugs o kisses? → Kisses
070. Shorter or taller → Shorter and taller.
072. Romantic or spontaneous → Spontaneously romantic.
073. Nice stomach or nice arms → I don't really care about the temperment of her stomach, but if her arms are mean, that could be very bad for me.
074. Sensitive or loud → Sensitive.
075. Hook-up or relationship → Relationship.
077. Trouble maker or not → Not- I get in enough trouble on my own.
HAVE YOU EVER?:
078. Kissed a stranger → No.
079. Drank bubbles → After a couple times of getting my mouth washed out with soap, I pretty much soured on that sort of thing.
080. Lost glasses/contacts → Yes
081. Ran away from home→ No, but I thought about it as a kid. The farthest I ever got was the edge of the field in our backyard.
082. Broken any bones → Yes, ankle.
084. Broken someone's heart → Probably not.
085. Been arrested → No. The law can't stop me, they only try to contain me.
086. Turned someone down → Yes, at a Bob Dylan concert, a guy asked us if we wanted drugs. We said no. I think he was really sad.
087. Cried when someone died → I haven't, actually, I'm usually too numb to cry.
088. Liked a friend →I like all my friends, otherwise they would be my enemies. Duh!
DO YOU BELIEVE IN :
089. Yourself → More than is healthy.
090. Miracles → Yes
091. Love at first sight → Not love, but like at first sight...absolutely!
092. Heaven → Yes
093. Santa clause → Why wouldn't I believe in Santa Claus?
094. Sex on the first date → No, that is ridiculous.
095. Kissing on the first date → No, I like to take things slow.
096. angels → Yes
ANSWER TRUTHFULLY :
097. Is there one or more people you want to be with right now? Yes. My wife and two children. I'm with my two children right now, so that's awesome. I'd also like to be with my boys in Baby Cannon, rocking out like madmen.
098. Do you like orange juice? Yes, no pulp. I'm not sure why this question is in the 'Answer Truthfully' section...is it such a secret thing how I feel about OJ?
099. Had more than one boyfriend/girlfriend at one time? I've had a hard enough time getting A girlfriend at any given time...so more than one has never been an option.
100. Do you believe in God? Yes,very much so.
25 RANDOM THINGS LIST:
1) I suck as a human being, but I believe that Jesus loves me and covers up my faults so that I can stand blameless. This is awesome, and is the most compelling force in my life. I tend to try to see the world in black and white, since I adhere to the concept of truth in it's absolute form. This is increasingly difficult in our messy, relativistic world. I trust God to guide me in the situations I'm uncertain in.
2) Music is my passion. It wasn't, but then it became so when God reintroduced me to it in college (take 1). I then wanted to be in a rock band, and it didn't work out, and I was okay with that. Then God brought me into Baby Cannon, and it's everything I thought it would be and more. I play drums, can fudge guitar playing, and sing. Oh, and I write lyrics. My favorite lyrics I've ever written are in our song 'Tower of Babel'- 'Can't sleep, can't wake, it's taking all that I can take. Not to be so shaken, completely, as I unravel. Maybe in ignorance, I can plead innocence, but til then, I'm a tower of Babel'. If you too think it's awesome, let me know and I'll send you an autographed picture of myself.
3) I was in high school track for one year. I had two sprained ankles at the time, but I don't think it would have mattered. I was a sprinter for two races, finishing last and next to last before the coach decided to never have me run again. I was a high jumper that twice cleared 5'2", and once took out the standard. I sucked at track.
4) My wife and I ran a group home for over a year. Stories from that experience alone could cover over 25 random things...but I'd also be breaking confidentiality. So, I can't say or else I'll be killed.
5) I’m a dipper- I almost always am dipping one item of my meal into another, at least as long as there is dippability. The odd thing is that I don't use condiments. I don't put ketchup, mustard, relish, or any of those types of things on my food. I don't even put salad dressing on my salad...just lettuce for me.
6) Probably my proudest day as a musician was the time when my dad and I went to lay down a drum track for a guy in Coleman, and the guy ended up picking my track. To me, it was validating....not because I felt I was better than my dad, but because my dad really acknowledged my accomplishment. I spent most of my life running away from music because I didn't think I could ever live up to him, so it was a big deal. So am I better than my dad now? Well, it's like comparing apples and oranges. And no, I'm not.
7) With the birth of our 1st child, Delaney, I committed 2 big sins as a husband- one was telling Sara, immediately after the birth that I wanted to know what kid #2 would look like. I'm sure women who are reading this that have experienced childbirth are cringing at my insensitivity. It gets better though. See, we were in a group home when we were pregnant with Delaney. We had a couple rough days, and Wednesday was our day off. We were stoked. Sara was like a week overdue, but we figured that we were in the clear...until she started having contractions 5 minutes apart. Of course, me being the very sensitive, very caring, very loving husband that I am, managed to utter the immortal phrase 'If that kid comes today I'm gonna be pissed'. If mothers reading this cringed before, they probably grabbed the torches and pitchforks for this one. Fortunately, Sara didn't hear me. Or I'd be dead right now.
8) From this point on in this list, I took notes on I made most of this list by recording thoughts onto my cell-phone on the way to my in-laws. I did this because I really really really wanted to do this list. You should feel honored, and maybe a little disturbed.
9) I took a distance writing course to learn how to write children's books. I got about half way through and quit. I wrote a story about Christmas with my grandparents called 'Rudolph the Red-nosed Radio Tower', and I was in the process of developing a story about a superhero named 'Justice Acorn'.
10) I enjoy mispronouncing words on purpose- the English language has so many poorly designed words, and it's actually fun for me to try and find a way to mispronounce words. The only thing is that when you to try read entire works in this manner, it is very time consuming. Just FYI.
11) I am a particularly skilled writer of Thank you notes- For our wedding I wrote most of the Thank you notes, and Sara's grandmothers sister still talks about the one that I wrote to her- almost 3 years later! So, if you ever want to be 'properly' thanked, just let me know!
11a) By this point in the program, you've probably noticed that I write alot, and that other people could have probably fit 50 random things in the space I have used for 11. That is, well, just how I roll.
12) I'm actually a pretty open-minded person, or at least I'm working on it. My big thing is that it seems to me that in our society, 'open-minded' means that you just think everything is okay, and whatever floats boats can float boats. I don't buy that. If that makes me a closed minded bigot, then I'm okay with that.
13) I'm a big nerd. Sports, comics, Heroclix...I don't fall into any single nerd category, I'm kind of an eclectic nerd.
14) When I was a kid, I stepped on a snake's head with my bare foot and killed it. I'd like to tell you that it was a Black Mamba, but I'd be lying. Oh, also we then tried to dissect the snake using a scalpel that...wait a minute...where did we get that scalpel, and why did my parents let me have it? Hmmmm...this sounds like a good question for therapy...
15) I didn't start dating until I was a sophomore in high school, and I only had 3 girlfriends total before I met my amazing wife. Part of that is because I'm actually very shy when it comes to girls (well I was, now that I'm married I'm just me), part of that was because some girls just really weren't digging me. I married as a virgin, which I am very proud of, and I thank God that He kept me pure for my marriage. I also thank my parents for bringing me up right. This is the reason why I think that the best sex education happens in the home. This is one of my goals as a social worker, is to work with families in this area. I also want to do my part to prevent child-abuse.
16) I'm very selfish. There have been countless times where I'll be walking through a store, and I'll see someone I know, and just not feel like talking to them, and so I'll avoid them. I'm actually getting better about this, but I'm still selfish. I told you I sucked as a human being.
17) I hold two national records in High School Basketball...well, actually I tied two records. I tied the record for highest Field Goal % in a game, 100%, which I did 3 times. The fact that I did not have enough attempts to officially qualify is a moot point. I also tied the record for the lowest Field Goal % in a game, with 0%. I scored 52 points...my entire senior year. So next time you hear of a basketball player scoring over 50 points in a game...that's my scoring output for a season. That should tell you how good of a player I was. It's actually funny, in my senior yearbook, they had action shots of all the players. Everybody had the basketball in some form...EXCEPT FOR ME. Even a guy who was academically ineligble for the season got a picture taking jumpshots in warm-ups. Me? I'm going to set a pick. And I wasn't even that good at setting picks.
18) I've had many different types of jobs, which has prepared me for many things. I've been a grocery bagger, a gas station attendant, a youth group leader, a Christian bookstore clerk, a fence installer, a group home program manager, a caregiver, a summer program staff...
19) I really like learning about human behavior theories. My favorite is the symbolic interactionist perspective, which basically states that people attach their own meanings to their experiences. I'm also a behaviorist at heart.
20) I'm going to be 30 this year. Most people don’t believe it. I think it's because I look really young, although someone may bring up the fact that I don't act my age either. I will find that person and bury them alive. I'm just sayin...
21) I feel that I have an abnormally short attention span, and was misdiagnosed as 'normal' when I was a child. Really, I feel it's a miracle that I've made it this far. And if you are still reading my list at this point, another miracle has taken place.
22) I'm easily scared. The dark frightens me, and don't even think about trying to get me to watch a scary movie. I had trouble sleeping for almost a week after watching 'I Am Legend'.
23) I didn’t get close to anyone in high school, and didn't really regret it until my younger brother graduated. I actually wrote a song about it. I feel that God has given me a second chance in the Social Work program, and I want to take advantage. The fact that they are all girls helps a little bit (JUST KIDDING SARA AND SOCIAL WORK LADIES).
24) I like doing new things and being crazy, but I'm also a creature of habit. I am a walking contradiction. I like to stand out and fit in. I'll say socially questionable things at inappropriate times, but I'll also sit and be quiet. I have tried crazy foods like escargo (wrong spelling?), but I always order the same types of things at restaurants. Yesterday I tried to leap over a snow bank after crossing Washington...most of the time I just focus on walking to my destination.
25) My favorite Facebook thing to do is check people statuses, and comment on them. I try to be funny and witty, but sometimes I try to be serious. So if I write something and it isn't funny, I was probably trying to be serious. When someone becomes my Facebook Friend, the first thing I look for on their profile is their religious beliefs. My beliefs are very important to me, and I like to know what other people think about such things.
26) 25 things? That's it? You want to put me in a box, fine. Put me in a box. Just know that it can't hold me...unless it's a really big box. Or if it has iron bars and a lock.
27) I am to your mom jokes as Kurt Cobain was to drugs- I am absolutely addicted to 'your mom' jokes, and break them out in pretty much any situation. I am sensitive, though, to people that I know have lost their mother or else had a bad relationship with their mother (i.e., she was abusive/neglectful). This whole thing actually started with my sister...we thought it would be funny to say 'your mom' to each other, because we of course have the same mom...and it just kinda took off from there!
Monday, February 9, 2009
Saturday, February 7, 2009
Simon says...how can you eat your pudding if you don't eat your meat?
So here is some really cool random trivia about me...well, it's not random, but it is certainly trivia, and when I come out with a Jason Parks Trivial Pursuit game, this will probably be on one of the cards. Some people might think that my whole existence is a trivial pursuit. I will hunt those people down and taunt them to their faces. Some of them I will be forced to taunt even a second time.
'I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries'
I love learning about human behavior. Ever since I took a sociology class in '07, I've been just absolutely fascinated at how our civilization is built, how society runs, how we learn to be 'human'. I love all the different schools of thought. I love how there is a delicate balance between nature and nurture- how our environments interact with our biology to produce who we are. We are all unique individuals, yet in so many ways we are the same as other people. I'm amazed when I find out 'random' things about other people that I have in common, and I'm amazed that people share some of my idiosyncrasies.
So where am I going with this? Well, it's simple- Sara started to teach Delaney the game 'Simon Says' this past week.
It's a fun game, easy to learn, and it's really cute to watch Delaney say 'Simon says'...and then go through her list of animal noises and face parts. It is adorable.
But it got me thinking...
...Simon Says is not just a kids game- it is a form of social control. Think about it. The kids are all looking to the leader, 'Simon' for behavioral direction. Now 'Simon' does not necessarily have any special qualifications as a leader, but because we are told that he/she is our authority, then we submit to 'Simon' and respond accordingly. We automatically surrender part of our individuality in order to conform to what 'Simon' deems best. Nobody questions who 'Simon' is, or what he/she stands for. We just know that we have to do what Simon says or else we will be out of the game.
It doesn't matter how ridiculous the things are that Simon says. 'Simon says...bang your head on a wall'. 'Simon says slap yourself in the face'. 'Simon says throw yourself into oncoming traffic'. If you do what Simon says, then you are rewarded, and you get to stay in the game. If you stay in it till the end, then you have a chance to be Simon. Otherwise...you have to leave. You're done. Your game existence has been exterminated
So then deviant behavior is punished- conformity is praised. Do what Simon says and you can win...but if you try to do your own thing then you screwed up and you will be ostracized. Kids are learning not to be individual, but to do what everyone else is doing in order to make it to the top- or at least stay on the in.
This might seem silly to some of you, like I'm being overanalytical or something like that. Some of you are probably just so happy to finally have another blog post from me that you don't really care what I'm actually writing about- you're just euphoric. But think about it- we learn all about how to be 'human' at the earliest, most impressionable ages. We learn from what we see and experience in our homes, our schools, and our communities. Not that this is an all-bad thing, and really in some ways, conformity is not bad. We all want our kids to be respectful, law-abiding citizens, and in that sense games like 'Simon Says' can be beneficial. Most of the time there is no need to rock the boat.
Two things though- First of all, we need to teach our children to think critically. That might mean they challenge us and our longly held beliefs, but it will also ensure that our children grow up as their own people, and that their identities and senses of self will be anchored in a knowledge that they have wrestled with the questions of life and come up with their own answers. I know that I want my kids to share my beliefs and values, but I want them to own them. At the end of the day, I want them to really know what they believe, why they believe it, and why what they believe is what makes the most sense.
The second thing is that we need to watch the kind of messages that we are sending our kids, because those sorts of things get ingrained very deeply, and it can be very difficult to dig out of notions of self that become our very definition of self. Our words are very powerful. They should be chosen carefully, and when we screw up (which WILL happen), we show our children our remorse and apologize. In our social work class, we've talked about how everything can be undone but death. Some things, however, are easier undone than others. It is better to lay a foundation of love and encouragement and build upon that than it is to try and uproot pain and lies.
Thanks for reading, I encourage thoughts/feedback. Hopefully we'll meet again soon!
Pics-
Monty Python- http://images.chron.com/blogs/beltwayconfidential/snipshot_monty.jpg
Simon- http://api.ning.com/files/pshYRm07QjZA*lANuZAtbJOHAdQuEb0W*HncOsnGaQM_/simon.jpg
'I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries'
I love learning about human behavior. Ever since I took a sociology class in '07, I've been just absolutely fascinated at how our civilization is built, how society runs, how we learn to be 'human'. I love all the different schools of thought. I love how there is a delicate balance between nature and nurture- how our environments interact with our biology to produce who we are. We are all unique individuals, yet in so many ways we are the same as other people. I'm amazed when I find out 'random' things about other people that I have in common, and I'm amazed that people share some of my idiosyncrasies.
So where am I going with this? Well, it's simple- Sara started to teach Delaney the game 'Simon Says' this past week.
It's a fun game, easy to learn, and it's really cute to watch Delaney say 'Simon says'...and then go through her list of animal noises and face parts. It is adorable.
But it got me thinking...
...Simon Says is not just a kids game- it is a form of social control. Think about it. The kids are all looking to the leader, 'Simon' for behavioral direction. Now 'Simon' does not necessarily have any special qualifications as a leader, but because we are told that he/she is our authority, then we submit to 'Simon' and respond accordingly. We automatically surrender part of our individuality in order to conform to what 'Simon' deems best. Nobody questions who 'Simon' is, or what he/she stands for. We just know that we have to do what Simon says or else we will be out of the game.
It doesn't matter how ridiculous the things are that Simon says. 'Simon says...bang your head on a wall'. 'Simon says slap yourself in the face'. 'Simon says throw yourself into oncoming traffic'. If you do what Simon says, then you are rewarded, and you get to stay in the game. If you stay in it till the end, then you have a chance to be Simon. Otherwise...you have to leave. You're done. Your game existence has been exterminated
So then deviant behavior is punished- conformity is praised. Do what Simon says and you can win...but if you try to do your own thing then you screwed up and you will be ostracized. Kids are learning not to be individual, but to do what everyone else is doing in order to make it to the top- or at least stay on the in.
This might seem silly to some of you, like I'm being overanalytical or something like that. Some of you are probably just so happy to finally have another blog post from me that you don't really care what I'm actually writing about- you're just euphoric. But think about it- we learn all about how to be 'human' at the earliest, most impressionable ages. We learn from what we see and experience in our homes, our schools, and our communities. Not that this is an all-bad thing, and really in some ways, conformity is not bad. We all want our kids to be respectful, law-abiding citizens, and in that sense games like 'Simon Says' can be beneficial. Most of the time there is no need to rock the boat.
Two things though- First of all, we need to teach our children to think critically. That might mean they challenge us and our longly held beliefs, but it will also ensure that our children grow up as their own people, and that their identities and senses of self will be anchored in a knowledge that they have wrestled with the questions of life and come up with their own answers. I know that I want my kids to share my beliefs and values, but I want them to own them. At the end of the day, I want them to really know what they believe, why they believe it, and why what they believe is what makes the most sense.
The second thing is that we need to watch the kind of messages that we are sending our kids, because those sorts of things get ingrained very deeply, and it can be very difficult to dig out of notions of self that become our very definition of self. Our words are very powerful. They should be chosen carefully, and when we screw up (which WILL happen), we show our children our remorse and apologize. In our social work class, we've talked about how everything can be undone but death. Some things, however, are easier undone than others. It is better to lay a foundation of love and encouragement and build upon that than it is to try and uproot pain and lies.
Thanks for reading, I encourage thoughts/feedback. Hopefully we'll meet again soon!
Pics-
Monty Python- http://images.chron.com/blogs/beltwayconfidential/snipshot_monty.jpg
Simon- http://api.ning.com/files/pshYRm07QjZA*lANuZAtbJOHAdQuEb0W*HncOsnGaQM_/simon.jpg
Saturday, January 24, 2009
Sorry!
To all of my adoring fans, and the haters as well...oh, and anyone who does not fall in either of my dichtonomous categories...
I am very sorry that I haven't written in a while, and unfortunately (or fortunately if you are so inclined) I won't be writing much this go around (pause for groans of those saying 'Yeah right, we've heard this before').
Basically I just want to let you all know life has been super busy with school/kids/music, and that this will probably be par for the next few months. I am taking three classes (which doesn't sound like much, but it is...don't judge me yo), and two of them are social work classes. I'm pretty stoked about those, because it's finally getting down to the wire...I mean, graduation is in sight! I'm hoping, praying, and working hard to graduate next May (mainly so that I can officially say that I graduated college before Jenny graduates high school...if I don't do that, she'll never let me hear the end of it!).
I will be doing lots of reading this semester, lots of writing, some role-plays, and more reading/writing. For those of you that don't know, I am THE ONLY GUY in my social work classes. 38 students. 37 females. Me. The residual estrogen is starting to affect me- I've shown a slight affinity for knitting and I recently picked up a Hello Kitty backpack. Seriously though, it's definitely interesting. I am looking forward to the challenges of the social work program.
The kids are doing great! Shane is starting to babble more and more, and say some isolated words. Delaney has got a brilliant sense of humor (of which I can stake a 50% genetic claim), and she and Shane are interacting more and more! Of course, there are rough days/spells, but all in all being a dad has been amazing.
Music is still humming along as well. Baby Cannon is hitting the ground running this semester. We're trying to get some shows lined up, and get our final mix done on our EP, 'Barrel. Powder. Fuse'. Sara has joined the band, and with her amazing voice/violinism (or we could call it 'violince')/keyboarding, our sound is evolving into something new and fresh!
I really am going to try and churn out some sweet blogs this semester, but I can't promise anything...I'm balls-to-the-wall busy, and this is only the second week in. It's only going to get crazier from here! I'll post when I can...until then God bless and keep it real!
I am very sorry that I haven't written in a while, and unfortunately (or fortunately if you are so inclined) I won't be writing much this go around (pause for groans of those saying 'Yeah right, we've heard this before').
Basically I just want to let you all know life has been super busy with school/kids/music, and that this will probably be par for the next few months. I am taking three classes (which doesn't sound like much, but it is...don't judge me yo), and two of them are social work classes. I'm pretty stoked about those, because it's finally getting down to the wire...I mean, graduation is in sight! I'm hoping, praying, and working hard to graduate next May (mainly so that I can officially say that I graduated college before Jenny graduates high school...if I don't do that, she'll never let me hear the end of it!).
I will be doing lots of reading this semester, lots of writing, some role-plays, and more reading/writing. For those of you that don't know, I am THE ONLY GUY in my social work classes. 38 students. 37 females. Me. The residual estrogen is starting to affect me- I've shown a slight affinity for knitting and I recently picked up a Hello Kitty backpack. Seriously though, it's definitely interesting. I am looking forward to the challenges of the social work program.
The kids are doing great! Shane is starting to babble more and more, and say some isolated words. Delaney has got a brilliant sense of humor (of which I can stake a 50% genetic claim), and she and Shane are interacting more and more! Of course, there are rough days/spells, but all in all being a dad has been amazing.
Music is still humming along as well. Baby Cannon is hitting the ground running this semester. We're trying to get some shows lined up, and get our final mix done on our EP, 'Barrel. Powder. Fuse'. Sara has joined the band, and with her amazing voice/violinism (or we could call it 'violince')/keyboarding, our sound is evolving into something new and fresh!
I really am going to try and churn out some sweet blogs this semester, but I can't promise anything...I'm balls-to-the-wall busy, and this is only the second week in. It's only going to get crazier from here! I'll post when I can...until then God bless and keep it real!
Friday, January 9, 2009
(Who) to be or not to be- Superhero Movie Casting: The Top Five!
Well, surprise surprise. I got extremely wordy, and turned what very well should have been a one post blog into a two post blog. For those of you that are reading this, you have stumbled onto virtual treasure. This is my personal ranking of the top five Superhero movie casting jobs...and I don't even have to tell you how epic it is. But I will. It's epic. Ta da!
5) Mystery Men- I have absolutely no knowledge of the comic backstory of Mystery Men, and as far as I'm concerned, it doesn't matter- this is one of the most perfectly casted superhero movies of all time- kicking off the top five!
High points- Big names- Ben Stiller, William H. Macy, Geoffrey Rush, Greg Kinnear, all slotted into perfect roles. Small names- PeeWee Herman, Wes Studi, Kel Mitchell- again, in the perfect roles. The chemistry in this movie is top notch, the writing is tremendous, and the delivery is second to none. Amazing movie!
Low points- None that I can think of- but I can't put a movie that is borderline-not-even-a-superhero-movie higher than #5 on my list of superhero movie casting jobs.
4) Fantastic Four- In terms of a movie, this obviously was pretty disappointing. But in terms of casting, I think that overall it was very well casted. Fantastic? Well, not quite. But 'Very Well Four' is both grammatically incorrect and non-alliterative, so we'll stick with Fantastic.
High points- Chris Evans, Ioan Gruffudd, and Michael Chiklis could have very well been ripped out of the pages of a Fantastic Four comic book. Chiklis saved the franchise a ton of money by foregoing CGI effects for the Thing. This was accomplished because A) they didn't have to spend all that money on the CGI, and B) they didn't have to use all that much make-up to transform Chiklis into the Thing. Just kidding Mikey, I would hate to be pounded on by those rock fists of yours! Also, Julian McMahon was a great Doctor Doom, and using Lawrence Fishburnes voice as the Silver Surfer took that character to a new level.
Low points- Jessica Alba is hot. Susan Storm is not...at least, she couldn't be if she hooked up with Reed Richards. Character deficits aside, in a realistic reality, there is NO way that an Albaesque Susan Storm chooses Mr. Fantastic over Doctor Doom- especially if Doom looks at all like McMahon does. Plus, in the comics, Doom rules his own country! Hots, smarts, AND political power- this guy has the triple crown! So they either should have got an uglier Susan Storm or an uglier Doctor Doom. I can think of the perfect person for each role-
Hello Ms. Storm, I'm the Lord of Latveria!
Why Ms. Storm, you're blushing? Is it because I am wearing aviators and a Weird Al wig?
3) Iron Man- Michael Jordan and the Bulls. Barry Sanders and the Lions. Atlas and the world. Occasionally there comes along individuals who, merely by their presence and abilities, are able to take groups of others to heights higher than would have been acheivable without those individuals. Well add Robert Downey Jr. to that list- a man who took a 'team' or a 'planet' (in this case, the movie) and took it to a COMPLETELY new level. Downey Jr. as Tony Stark has been a role that has been refined in a lifetime of drinking, carousing, and being arrogant. Downey Jr's life has been culminating for this one role, this one chance to put mortals on his back and ascend them to greatness. And he does not disappoint, taking Iron Man all the way to #3 on my Prestigious List.
High points- Obviously Downey Jr. as the star. Gwyneth Paltrow, Terrence Howard, and Jeff Bridges are all like amalgams of John Paxson/Brett Periman/Toni Kukoc/Herman Moore- talents who can't really carry a team on a consistent basis, but are good enough to carry things for short periods of time and hit series-clinching three pointers/catch passes from whoever the Lions quarterback is on that given Sunday.
Low points- Expect Iron Man to fall down the list when Iron Man II comes out, as Don Cheadle replaces Terrence Howard as Rhody. Now, Cheadle is a much better actor than Howard IMO...but again, the classic case of switching a significant character between movies and expecting the audience to go along with it. Eventually, it taints the legacy. It's like Jordan playing for the Wizards, or the Lions eventually swallowing Sanders career- individual greatness will eventually break down and decompose into vintage highlight reel footage and historical footnotes, or else retire on the evening of training camp because it realizes that it is playing for the Lions, which is a black hole to any sort of championship aspirations.
2) X-Men- Keeping with sports analogies...sometimes you have all the components together- great schedule, talent, superior coaching, luck of the bounce/biased officiating. You have everything going for you...and you still lose. Sometimes it's because the other team makes a great play. Last year's Super Bowl was a great example of this. But most of the time it's because someone on your team makes a bonehead move, screwing it up for everybody else, and leaving behind a trail of bitterness and something else. This is the X-Men cast.
High points- As Robert Downey Jr. allowed his life to go down in flames in order to purify himself for the role of Tony Stark, Patrick Stewart was blessed in the womb as the physical incarnation of Professor Xavier. And if I didn't know any better, I'd swear that Hugh Jackman was born with retractable adamantium claws, that Ian McKellen really did have control over electro-magnetic fields, and that Halle Berry can make her eyes go solid white. Ray Park made a character named 'Toad' cool, and Rebecca Romijn ensured that every teenage boy in the country owns at least one of the X-men movies. Some other highlights include James Marsden as Cyclops and Kelly Hu as Lady Deathstrike (my fav scene from that movie is when SPOILER Wolverine pumps her full of liquid adamantium, and kills her, and as she realizes that she's dying, she looks at Wolverine with this look of sadness...like she's just realizing that she was trying to kill her soulmate...because if you are familiar at all with the movie or the story, you realize how perfect those two are for each other- sort of a mutant Brangelina).
Low points- A lot, actually. Some of it is minor stuff, but one thing that I've learned about comic books is that there are no minor details. Famke Janssen is a very beautiful lady that just never really sat right as Jean Grey. Anna Paquin was a good Rogue...except that Rogue was a Southern Belle. And don't get me started on Vinnie Jones as Juggernaut. Really? That's it? Not only do you get the Juggernaut story all wrong, but you pick the absolute smallest strong guy you could find? Daniel Cudmore may have looked like Colossus, but he didn't score any points in the Russian accent category. These may seem like little things, but in comic book lore, they are not. These are the accents that make characters unique, that give them substance, that help us to attach to them and embrace them. Unfortunately, X-men undid some of the most perfectly assigned casting jobs in history by marring some minor details. That, and they tried the mid-franchise character switch a couple times (granted, it was just minor characters, but still- who do they think we are?).
And that brings us to the number one Best Superhero Movie Casting Job. Drum roll please....
1) Spider-man- Spider-man put out two great movies, and a third movie that was very disappointing. But just looking strictly at casting, Spider-man takes the cake. They have the most successes in terms of Comic Replication, and the least amount of failures.
High points- Several of the characters in Spider-man looked like they were just ripped out of comic book pages, brought to life, and put onto the silver screen. Tobey Maguire IS Peter Parker. Kirsten Dunst IS Mary Jane Watson. Topher Grace IS Eddie Brock (even though they butchered the whole Venom thing, they nailed his human host). Rosemary Harris IS Aunt May. Thomas Haden Church IS Sandman. They just nailed so many roles, it's ridiculous. They also did good in casting Goblin 1 and Goblin 2 (William Dafoe and James Franco, respectively). But the Robert Horry, the guy that put Spidey over Iron Man and X-men is J.K. Simmons. As J.Jonah Jameson, Simmons took a significant lesser role, and made it a show stealer without upsetting the overall balance of the movie. Not an easy thing to do, but he did it and he did it seemlessly. This guy was ripped out of the BRAINS of the Spider-man creators, put onto the comic page, brought to life, and then put on the silver screen. I'm fully convinced that if Marvel did a movie combing Downey Jrs Tony Stark, Patrick Stewarts Professor X, and Simmons J.J.J., that it would melt the faces of those in attendance due to sheer awesomeness.
Low points- A couple, although they are mostly minor. First of all, while I did grow to love Alfred Molina as Doctor Octopus, it just didn't fit with the comics Doc Oc. Second, Spider-man wasn't dumb enough to try and change characters mid trilogy- but they DID recycle a character...Bruce Campbell! Bruce is the man for those of you who don't know, but it is still an assault on the intelligence of movie-goers everywhere. Maybe in the next Spider-man movie they'll feature Bruce fighting against living skeletons, or else micro-people.
Judging from carbon dating, I'd say that this skeleton is ready for battle!
Well, that completes my ranking of Superhero movie casting jobs! Thanks for tuning in! School starts on Monday, so I'm probably going to be able to blog less periodically...but be sure to keep tuning in because you never know what I'm capable of saying when the mood strikes me! God bless!
Skeleton- http://members.aye.net/~gharris/blog/army15.jpg
5) Mystery Men- I have absolutely no knowledge of the comic backstory of Mystery Men, and as far as I'm concerned, it doesn't matter- this is one of the most perfectly casted superhero movies of all time- kicking off the top five!
High points- Big names- Ben Stiller, William H. Macy, Geoffrey Rush, Greg Kinnear, all slotted into perfect roles. Small names- PeeWee Herman, Wes Studi, Kel Mitchell- again, in the perfect roles. The chemistry in this movie is top notch, the writing is tremendous, and the delivery is second to none. Amazing movie!
Low points- None that I can think of- but I can't put a movie that is borderline-not-even-a-superhero-movie higher than #5 on my list of superhero movie casting jobs.
4) Fantastic Four- In terms of a movie, this obviously was pretty disappointing. But in terms of casting, I think that overall it was very well casted. Fantastic? Well, not quite. But 'Very Well Four' is both grammatically incorrect and non-alliterative, so we'll stick with Fantastic.
High points- Chris Evans, Ioan Gruffudd, and Michael Chiklis could have very well been ripped out of the pages of a Fantastic Four comic book. Chiklis saved the franchise a ton of money by foregoing CGI effects for the Thing. This was accomplished because A) they didn't have to spend all that money on the CGI, and B) they didn't have to use all that much make-up to transform Chiklis into the Thing. Just kidding Mikey, I would hate to be pounded on by those rock fists of yours! Also, Julian McMahon was a great Doctor Doom, and using Lawrence Fishburnes voice as the Silver Surfer took that character to a new level.
Low points- Jessica Alba is hot. Susan Storm is not...at least, she couldn't be if she hooked up with Reed Richards. Character deficits aside, in a realistic reality, there is NO way that an Albaesque Susan Storm chooses Mr. Fantastic over Doctor Doom- especially if Doom looks at all like McMahon does. Plus, in the comics, Doom rules his own country! Hots, smarts, AND political power- this guy has the triple crown! So they either should have got an uglier Susan Storm or an uglier Doctor Doom. I can think of the perfect person for each role-
Hello Ms. Storm, I'm the Lord of Latveria!
Why Ms. Storm, you're blushing? Is it because I am wearing aviators and a Weird Al wig?
3) Iron Man- Michael Jordan and the Bulls. Barry Sanders and the Lions. Atlas and the world. Occasionally there comes along individuals who, merely by their presence and abilities, are able to take groups of others to heights higher than would have been acheivable without those individuals. Well add Robert Downey Jr. to that list- a man who took a 'team' or a 'planet' (in this case, the movie) and took it to a COMPLETELY new level. Downey Jr. as Tony Stark has been a role that has been refined in a lifetime of drinking, carousing, and being arrogant. Downey Jr's life has been culminating for this one role, this one chance to put mortals on his back and ascend them to greatness. And he does not disappoint, taking Iron Man all the way to #3 on my Prestigious List.
High points- Obviously Downey Jr. as the star. Gwyneth Paltrow, Terrence Howard, and Jeff Bridges are all like amalgams of John Paxson/Brett Periman/Toni Kukoc/Herman Moore- talents who can't really carry a team on a consistent basis, but are good enough to carry things for short periods of time and hit series-clinching three pointers/catch passes from whoever the Lions quarterback is on that given Sunday.
Low points- Expect Iron Man to fall down the list when Iron Man II comes out, as Don Cheadle replaces Terrence Howard as Rhody. Now, Cheadle is a much better actor than Howard IMO...but again, the classic case of switching a significant character between movies and expecting the audience to go along with it. Eventually, it taints the legacy. It's like Jordan playing for the Wizards, or the Lions eventually swallowing Sanders career- individual greatness will eventually break down and decompose into vintage highlight reel footage and historical footnotes, or else retire on the evening of training camp because it realizes that it is playing for the Lions, which is a black hole to any sort of championship aspirations.
2) X-Men- Keeping with sports analogies...sometimes you have all the components together- great schedule, talent, superior coaching, luck of the bounce/biased officiating. You have everything going for you...and you still lose. Sometimes it's because the other team makes a great play. Last year's Super Bowl was a great example of this. But most of the time it's because someone on your team makes a bonehead move, screwing it up for everybody else, and leaving behind a trail of bitterness and something else. This is the X-Men cast.
High points- As Robert Downey Jr. allowed his life to go down in flames in order to purify himself for the role of Tony Stark, Patrick Stewart was blessed in the womb as the physical incarnation of Professor Xavier. And if I didn't know any better, I'd swear that Hugh Jackman was born with retractable adamantium claws, that Ian McKellen really did have control over electro-magnetic fields, and that Halle Berry can make her eyes go solid white. Ray Park made a character named 'Toad' cool, and Rebecca Romijn ensured that every teenage boy in the country owns at least one of the X-men movies. Some other highlights include James Marsden as Cyclops and Kelly Hu as Lady Deathstrike (my fav scene from that movie is when SPOILER Wolverine pumps her full of liquid adamantium, and kills her, and as she realizes that she's dying, she looks at Wolverine with this look of sadness...like she's just realizing that she was trying to kill her soulmate...because if you are familiar at all with the movie or the story, you realize how perfect those two are for each other- sort of a mutant Brangelina).
Low points- A lot, actually. Some of it is minor stuff, but one thing that I've learned about comic books is that there are no minor details. Famke Janssen is a very beautiful lady that just never really sat right as Jean Grey. Anna Paquin was a good Rogue...except that Rogue was a Southern Belle. And don't get me started on Vinnie Jones as Juggernaut. Really? That's it? Not only do you get the Juggernaut story all wrong, but you pick the absolute smallest strong guy you could find? Daniel Cudmore may have looked like Colossus, but he didn't score any points in the Russian accent category. These may seem like little things, but in comic book lore, they are not. These are the accents that make characters unique, that give them substance, that help us to attach to them and embrace them. Unfortunately, X-men undid some of the most perfectly assigned casting jobs in history by marring some minor details. That, and they tried the mid-franchise character switch a couple times (granted, it was just minor characters, but still- who do they think we are?).
And that brings us to the number one Best Superhero Movie Casting Job. Drum roll please....
1) Spider-man- Spider-man put out two great movies, and a third movie that was very disappointing. But just looking strictly at casting, Spider-man takes the cake. They have the most successes in terms of Comic Replication, and the least amount of failures.
High points- Several of the characters in Spider-man looked like they were just ripped out of comic book pages, brought to life, and put onto the silver screen. Tobey Maguire IS Peter Parker. Kirsten Dunst IS Mary Jane Watson. Topher Grace IS Eddie Brock (even though they butchered the whole Venom thing, they nailed his human host). Rosemary Harris IS Aunt May. Thomas Haden Church IS Sandman. They just nailed so many roles, it's ridiculous. They also did good in casting Goblin 1 and Goblin 2 (William Dafoe and James Franco, respectively). But the Robert Horry, the guy that put Spidey over Iron Man and X-men is J.K. Simmons. As J.Jonah Jameson, Simmons took a significant lesser role, and made it a show stealer without upsetting the overall balance of the movie. Not an easy thing to do, but he did it and he did it seemlessly. This guy was ripped out of the BRAINS of the Spider-man creators, put onto the comic page, brought to life, and then put on the silver screen. I'm fully convinced that if Marvel did a movie combing Downey Jrs Tony Stark, Patrick Stewarts Professor X, and Simmons J.J.J., that it would melt the faces of those in attendance due to sheer awesomeness.
Low points- A couple, although they are mostly minor. First of all, while I did grow to love Alfred Molina as Doctor Octopus, it just didn't fit with the comics Doc Oc. Second, Spider-man wasn't dumb enough to try and change characters mid trilogy- but they DID recycle a character...Bruce Campbell! Bruce is the man for those of you who don't know, but it is still an assault on the intelligence of movie-goers everywhere. Maybe in the next Spider-man movie they'll feature Bruce fighting against living skeletons, or else micro-people.
Judging from carbon dating, I'd say that this skeleton is ready for battle!
Well, that completes my ranking of Superhero movie casting jobs! Thanks for tuning in! School starts on Monday, so I'm probably going to be able to blog less periodically...but be sure to keep tuning in because you never know what I'm capable of saying when the mood strikes me! God bless!
Skeleton- http://members.aye.net/~gharris/blog/army15.jpg
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
(Who) to be or not to be- Superhero Movie Casting
Back by popular demand! More superhero movie stuff! As promised, long not delivered!
In this installment, I'll be taking ranking my favorite (and not-so-favorite) Superhero movies in terms of castinghood. What am I looking for? Well, as I said before, I don't have an extensive history of reading comics. Don't get me wrong, I'm still very much a geek...just not that kind of geek. But I have read some comics, and have some exposure to comic book sources, which have left me with some vivid ideas about characters and how I think about those characters.
So the premise of this post is to let you know how I think that the movies did in terms of meeting my expectations. This would have been a lot easier if Hollywood had actually bothered to hire me in some sort of informal consultant role...the fact that I didn't even get any phone calls does hurt a little bit, I'll be honest with you. But I have decided to take the high road and just slander those choices that I do not agree with.
Without further adieu, my casting rankings (I divided things into franchises to A)Dull the monotony of repeats and B) Hopefully get this done in one post...as opposed to the like five posts it took last time)!
12) Judge Dredd- The more I think about it, the more I'm not sure that this should be even considered a superhero movie. I mean, sure, it involves a comic book storyline based on an alternate future...epic showdowns between good and evil, with technology and the fate of justice in the balance, with a genetically enhanced individual saving innocents...but it's just such a bad movie. I feel like I'm poisoning all the other movies on this list merely by mentioning them in the same breath. But I will. It's my job to do tough things like that.
High points- Um, Diane Lane as Judge Hershey. Diane Lane is a very beautiful woman, not like Hollywood sexy...just beautiful. And Armand Assante was a decent bad guy (actually, I just love his name Armand Assante and wanted to say it- say it with me, it has good name feng shui and cleans out your sinuses).
Low points- Um, every one else. Sylvester Stallone really nailed that 'Rocky' persona...so much so that he has taken it with him in EVERY SINGLE MOVIE he's ever been it...at the risk of getting beaten up by Sly. The only difference between 'Rocky' and 'Judge Dredd' is that it takes place in the future and instead of being a boxer, Stallone mumbles 'I am thlaw' and shoots them.
11) Ghost Rider- I already touched on this in my last superhero blog post- Nicholas Cage should never, EVER be in a superhero movie, unless he is playing the part of a damsel in distress.
High points- Wes Bentley played a very VERY creepy Blackheart...even though I am slightly bitter that they made him and Mephisto look human even though they are not human. With all the CGI special effect, we should have been treated better. And Sam Elliott just has one of those smooth classic movie voices that can make your voice a little deeper and your facial hair grow a little longer.
Low points- Nicholas Cage as a superhero. And that is enough to keep Ghost Rider out of the top ten. Who do I think would have been a good Ghost Rider? Easy- the guy that they got to play Superman. He would have made a GREAT Ghost Rider...oh, what's his name? Oh well, I'll think of it sometime.
10) Daredevil- I'm starting to get depressed with all the crappy casting jobs. Not like, depressed enough to want to take a short walk on a long cliff, or to get my nails done or anything crazy...just depressed enough to want to rip my hair out or take up yodeling. Daredevil, by virtue of being less sucky than Judge Dredd and Ghost Rider, makes the top ten.
High points- Colin Farrell. True, he looks even goofier than the comics Bullseye, and that takes some talent.
I mean, seriously, you have a bullseye imprinted on your head? Did you fall asleep on your stove?
I'm just saying.
Despite the hideous henna-gone-wrong, Farrell turns in a great performance as a sociopathic assassin who kills a guy by throwing paperclips at his throat! Brilliant!
Low points- Everybody else. On the surface, it should have been a match made in heaven- Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner are a cute couple. Daredevil and Elektra are a couple that can kick ass and take names. Well, maybe not a match made in heaven. Actually, it's a tragic case of 'What Were They Thinking?'. Nobody buys this, and that is one of the reasons that Daredevil has been banished to movie purgatory. It's like trying to have Spongebob play Chuck Norris. It just isn't going to work. PLUS...wow I almost forgot this...Michael Clarke Duncan as the Kingpin? Really? How about no? Kingpin was...um...(let's see how to say this politically correct)...Italian?...(no, that's not it)...fat?...(well yes, but they're not buying it)...okay I give. Kingpin is white in the comics. Duncan is black. Granted, Duncan might be the only man on the planet who could pull off the Kingpin role...couldn't they have at least dusted him in flour? Or used a bunch of Wite-out?
13) Hulk (2003)- I was going to put this at #9, but then I got thinking about it, and I was like, what am I thinking? This was not a good movie- so bad that Hollywood completely severed ties and went in a brand new direction in a short period of time. Kinda like a Hollywood marriage. I did like how the film was editted to make it feel more like a comic book. I actually liked it at first. Then I became 'cultured'...I acquired a taste for the finer things in life- Fazoli's, Jones soda, American films featuring foreign accents- and there was no more room in my life for crappy movies. So in honor of the Hulk being so badly casted, I am skipping #9 and taking the Hulk all the way to the absolute bottom.
High points- CGI Hulk smashing the crap out of everything, throwing tanks, and crushing a poodle. Also, another Sam Elliott cameo. If he shows up in any more movies I might be able to actually shake the prepubescent rep.
Low points- Have you heard Nick Nolte's voice? He sounds worse than Christian Bale as Batman...imagine a phone conversation between them. And look, I'm as big of an Eric Bana fan as anyone...but he's already buff- why become the Hulk when you could already beat up Josh Lucas? Or have Lou Ferrigno be the Hulk- he still looks the size of 2 grown men. But Edward Norton is definitely a better Bruce Banner.
8) Punisher- This is the last 'meh' movie on the list for me. And that's really all I'm going to say about that.
High points- Thomas Jane as the Punisher.
Low points- John Travolta as a villain. Sorry John, but Danny Zuko is about as far towards the 'evil' spectrum as you should go.
7) New Batman- Why am I so hard on the new Batman movies? As a duo of movies, they are clearly superior in quality to the older ones. And overall I think that they've been better casted. But here is the reason why I had to hate- Christian Bale as Batman. Not Christian Bale as Bruce Wayne- Bale as Smoker's Cough Lung Hocker Batman.
High points- I'm not going to try and wax eloquent on Heath Ledger's performance as the Joker. It was phenomenal...the tragedy is that he literally gave his life to do it. Aaron Eckhart quietly went blow-for-blow with Ledger- one of the best performances of two supporting actors in the same movie ever! Bale does shine as the arrogant billionaire Bruce Wayne, and while Michael Caine does not quite meet the standards of Michael Gough as Alfred, he still manages to shine as well. Finally, kudos for Liam Neeson for his cold-hearted Ra's Al Ghul, and Morgan Freeman (who has appeared in/narrated roughly half of all movies ever in some form or another).
Low points- I've already said enough about Hackma..er, Batman and his, um, pitch problems. I wonder, if someone hit him in the throat, if it would have a sort of reverse effect and make his voice sound normal. Something to pursue for the next film. Also, they really should have learned from the first Batman franchise that you can't pull Significant Character Switches mid-series. I mean, you expect us to look at Katie Holmes and Maggie I'mtoolazytolookuphowtospellherlastname and just pretend that they are both Rachel Dawes? Do you think we're idiots? (Please don't answer that- by reading this you are already an accomplice in my idiocy, and I will squeal like a pig in court).
6) Batman Franchise 1- In almost every single regard, Batman 1.0 is nowhere near as competitive as Batman 2.0- superior writing, casting, special effects- it's not even close! So how do I rate old Batman above new Batman again? Simple- these are Batman movies, and Batman 1.0 has a much better Batman (at least, the first Batman). He's not hacking in villains faces- he's brooding, silent- letting his presence do the talking, and consider that this was the birth of Batman in black (before he was wearing gray and blue)...which made him even more intimidating.
High points- You can't fault Batman 1.0 because of a lack of talent- Jack Nicholson, Jim Carrey, Tommy Lee Jones, Uma Thurman, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Danny DeVito, Jack Palance, Christopher Walken, Michelle Pfeiffer, Val Kilmer, Nicole Kidman, George Clooney, Drew Barrymore- it's a venerable smörgåsbord of super stars!
Low points- I suppose I could have put Batman 1.0 up higher on the list because of all these all stars- but if you've actually WATCHED any of these movies, you realize the the ratio of superstar to success is very low- and you cannot under ANY circumstances try to switch Batman in the middle of a franchise and expect it to be okay. Batman 1.0 did it TWICE. Think of Batman 1.0 as the New York Yankees or the Washington Redskins- teams that spend tons of money for washed up big names that end up leading to mediocrity.That's what happened to Batman 1.0- they had tons of big names that, even if they were not washed up, were woefully out of place in a superhero movie role.
Well, I tried to get it all done in one...but man I am one wordy guy! So I'm dividing it in half (well, a little less than half, probably more like 60/40). Keep your eyes peeled- my top five is on the horizon, ready to pounce like a rabid animal.
Rabies myth- Three Americans every year die from rabies-infliction.
Rabies fact- Four Americansevery year die from rabies-infliction.
(This very random and somewhat out of place fact has been brought to you by The Office, so it is probably not true).
Pics
Nicky Cage- http://www.thesharkbook.com/archive/2008_01_01_archives.html
Burner top- http://pro.corbis.com/images/42-15468792.jpg?size=572&uid=%7B3250EE2C-0D66-48FB-96DC-E9A65022A343%7D
Bullseye fake- http://members.fortunecity.com/dm_bishop2/marvel/bullseye004.JPG
Bullseye real- http://www.movievillains.com/images/bullseye.jpg
In this installment, I'll be taking ranking my favorite (and not-so-favorite) Superhero movies in terms of castinghood. What am I looking for? Well, as I said before, I don't have an extensive history of reading comics. Don't get me wrong, I'm still very much a geek...just not that kind of geek. But I have read some comics, and have some exposure to comic book sources, which have left me with some vivid ideas about characters and how I think about those characters.
So the premise of this post is to let you know how I think that the movies did in terms of meeting my expectations. This would have been a lot easier if Hollywood had actually bothered to hire me in some sort of informal consultant role...the fact that I didn't even get any phone calls does hurt a little bit, I'll be honest with you. But I have decided to take the high road and just slander those choices that I do not agree with.
Without further adieu, my casting rankings (I divided things into franchises to A)Dull the monotony of repeats and B) Hopefully get this done in one post...as opposed to the like five posts it took last time)!
12) Judge Dredd- The more I think about it, the more I'm not sure that this should be even considered a superhero movie. I mean, sure, it involves a comic book storyline based on an alternate future...epic showdowns between good and evil, with technology and the fate of justice in the balance, with a genetically enhanced individual saving innocents...but it's just such a bad movie. I feel like I'm poisoning all the other movies on this list merely by mentioning them in the same breath. But I will. It's my job to do tough things like that.
High points- Um, Diane Lane as Judge Hershey. Diane Lane is a very beautiful woman, not like Hollywood sexy...just beautiful. And Armand Assante was a decent bad guy (actually, I just love his name Armand Assante and wanted to say it- say it with me, it has good name feng shui and cleans out your sinuses).
Low points- Um, every one else. Sylvester Stallone really nailed that 'Rocky' persona...so much so that he has taken it with him in EVERY SINGLE MOVIE he's ever been it...at the risk of getting beaten up by Sly. The only difference between 'Rocky' and 'Judge Dredd' is that it takes place in the future and instead of being a boxer, Stallone mumbles 'I am thlaw' and shoots them.
11) Ghost Rider- I already touched on this in my last superhero blog post- Nicholas Cage should never, EVER be in a superhero movie, unless he is playing the part of a damsel in distress.
High points- Wes Bentley played a very VERY creepy Blackheart...even though I am slightly bitter that they made him and Mephisto look human even though they are not human. With all the CGI special effect, we should have been treated better. And Sam Elliott just has one of those smooth classic movie voices that can make your voice a little deeper and your facial hair grow a little longer.
Low points- Nicholas Cage as a superhero. And that is enough to keep Ghost Rider out of the top ten. Who do I think would have been a good Ghost Rider? Easy- the guy that they got to play Superman. He would have made a GREAT Ghost Rider...oh, what's his name? Oh well, I'll think of it sometime.
10) Daredevil- I'm starting to get depressed with all the crappy casting jobs. Not like, depressed enough to want to take a short walk on a long cliff, or to get my nails done or anything crazy...just depressed enough to want to rip my hair out or take up yodeling. Daredevil, by virtue of being less sucky than Judge Dredd and Ghost Rider, makes the top ten.
High points- Colin Farrell. True, he looks even goofier than the comics Bullseye, and that takes some talent.
I mean, seriously, you have a bullseye imprinted on your head? Did you fall asleep on your stove?
I'm just saying.
Despite the hideous henna-gone-wrong, Farrell turns in a great performance as a sociopathic assassin who kills a guy by throwing paperclips at his throat! Brilliant!
Low points- Everybody else. On the surface, it should have been a match made in heaven- Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner are a cute couple. Daredevil and Elektra are a couple that can kick ass and take names. Well, maybe not a match made in heaven. Actually, it's a tragic case of 'What Were They Thinking?'. Nobody buys this, and that is one of the reasons that Daredevil has been banished to movie purgatory. It's like trying to have Spongebob play Chuck Norris. It just isn't going to work. PLUS...wow I almost forgot this...Michael Clarke Duncan as the Kingpin? Really? How about no? Kingpin was...um...(let's see how to say this politically correct)...Italian?...(no, that's not it)...fat?...(well yes, but they're not buying it)...okay I give. Kingpin is white in the comics. Duncan is black. Granted, Duncan might be the only man on the planet who could pull off the Kingpin role...couldn't they have at least dusted him in flour? Or used a bunch of Wite-out?
13) Hulk (2003)- I was going to put this at #9, but then I got thinking about it, and I was like, what am I thinking? This was not a good movie- so bad that Hollywood completely severed ties and went in a brand new direction in a short period of time. Kinda like a Hollywood marriage. I did like how the film was editted to make it feel more like a comic book. I actually liked it at first. Then I became 'cultured'...I acquired a taste for the finer things in life- Fazoli's, Jones soda, American films featuring foreign accents- and there was no more room in my life for crappy movies. So in honor of the Hulk being so badly casted, I am skipping #9 and taking the Hulk all the way to the absolute bottom.
High points- CGI Hulk smashing the crap out of everything, throwing tanks, and crushing a poodle. Also, another Sam Elliott cameo. If he shows up in any more movies I might be able to actually shake the prepubescent rep.
Low points- Have you heard Nick Nolte's voice? He sounds worse than Christian Bale as Batman...imagine a phone conversation between them. And look, I'm as big of an Eric Bana fan as anyone...but he's already buff- why become the Hulk when you could already beat up Josh Lucas? Or have Lou Ferrigno be the Hulk- he still looks the size of 2 grown men. But Edward Norton is definitely a better Bruce Banner.
8) Punisher- This is the last 'meh' movie on the list for me. And that's really all I'm going to say about that.
High points- Thomas Jane as the Punisher.
Low points- John Travolta as a villain. Sorry John, but Danny Zuko is about as far towards the 'evil' spectrum as you should go.
7) New Batman- Why am I so hard on the new Batman movies? As a duo of movies, they are clearly superior in quality to the older ones. And overall I think that they've been better casted. But here is the reason why I had to hate- Christian Bale as Batman. Not Christian Bale as Bruce Wayne- Bale as Smoker's Cough Lung Hocker Batman.
High points- I'm not going to try and wax eloquent on Heath Ledger's performance as the Joker. It was phenomenal...the tragedy is that he literally gave his life to do it. Aaron Eckhart quietly went blow-for-blow with Ledger- one of the best performances of two supporting actors in the same movie ever! Bale does shine as the arrogant billionaire Bruce Wayne, and while Michael Caine does not quite meet the standards of Michael Gough as Alfred, he still manages to shine as well. Finally, kudos for Liam Neeson for his cold-hearted Ra's Al Ghul, and Morgan Freeman (who has appeared in/narrated roughly half of all movies ever in some form or another).
Low points- I've already said enough about Hackma..er, Batman and his, um, pitch problems. I wonder, if someone hit him in the throat, if it would have a sort of reverse effect and make his voice sound normal. Something to pursue for the next film. Also, they really should have learned from the first Batman franchise that you can't pull Significant Character Switches mid-series. I mean, you expect us to look at Katie Holmes and Maggie I'mtoolazytolookuphowtospellherlastname and just pretend that they are both Rachel Dawes? Do you think we're idiots? (Please don't answer that- by reading this you are already an accomplice in my idiocy, and I will squeal like a pig in court).
6) Batman Franchise 1- In almost every single regard, Batman 1.0 is nowhere near as competitive as Batman 2.0- superior writing, casting, special effects- it's not even close! So how do I rate old Batman above new Batman again? Simple- these are Batman movies, and Batman 1.0 has a much better Batman (at least, the first Batman). He's not hacking in villains faces- he's brooding, silent- letting his presence do the talking, and consider that this was the birth of Batman in black (before he was wearing gray and blue)...which made him even more intimidating.
High points- You can't fault Batman 1.0 because of a lack of talent- Jack Nicholson, Jim Carrey, Tommy Lee Jones, Uma Thurman, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Danny DeVito, Jack Palance, Christopher Walken, Michelle Pfeiffer, Val Kilmer, Nicole Kidman, George Clooney, Drew Barrymore- it's a venerable smörgåsbord of super stars!
Low points- I suppose I could have put Batman 1.0 up higher on the list because of all these all stars- but if you've actually WATCHED any of these movies, you realize the the ratio of superstar to success is very low- and you cannot under ANY circumstances try to switch Batman in the middle of a franchise and expect it to be okay. Batman 1.0 did it TWICE. Think of Batman 1.0 as the New York Yankees or the Washington Redskins- teams that spend tons of money for washed up big names that end up leading to mediocrity.That's what happened to Batman 1.0- they had tons of big names that, even if they were not washed up, were woefully out of place in a superhero movie role.
Well, I tried to get it all done in one...but man I am one wordy guy! So I'm dividing it in half (well, a little less than half, probably more like 60/40). Keep your eyes peeled- my top five is on the horizon, ready to pounce like a rabid animal.
Rabies myth- Three Americans every year die from rabies-infliction.
Rabies fact- Four Americansevery year die from rabies-infliction.
(This very random and somewhat out of place fact has been brought to you by The Office, so it is probably not true).
Pics
Nicky Cage- http://www.thesharkbook.com/archive/2008_01_01_archives.html
Burner top- http://pro.corbis.com/images/42-15468792.jpg?size=572&uid=%7B3250EE2C-0D66-48FB-96DC-E9A65022A343%7D
Bullseye fake- http://members.fortunecity.com/dm_bishop2/marvel/bullseye004.JPG
Bullseye real- http://www.movievillains.com/images/bullseye.jpg
Monday, January 5, 2009
Daddy God
Alright, I've been chewing on this idea for a while, and it's time to swallow or regurgitate. I'm not sure whether blogging about it would be considered swallowing or regurgitating...I think it's regurgitating, but that's just gross. But swallowing is bereft of hope as a source of information...once it goes through the digestive tract, there isn't much left except the waste material, which we all know as crap. So with that shining visual image, let me get to the point!
I've been trying to be a follower of Christ for about 10 years. During those 10 years, I can't even begin to compute how many times I've heard about God being our 'Heavenly Father'. And it sounded good...but it really never 'clicked'. Like who uses the word 'Father' any more? Beaver? I mean, seriously, what does that actually mean? I also heard a couple times, the expression abba, which apparantly is Greek for 'daddy daddy', or something like that. That one never really took either. Sure it sounded novel. And I can see Beaver Cleaver using that one too...as a BABY!
I mean, look at this kid...does he really have a clue about what's going on?
What is my point even? I guess I'm trying to say that relating to God as my father/daddy wasn't really connecting on any level. Probably because I really didn't understand how to connect in a fatherly manner.
Now, I love my Earth dad for sure. But I can't say that we had an amazingly close relationship when I was growing up- he was gone a lot on weekends, playing music in bars, and I was a pretty introverted kid, hiding myself away in books and sports cards. God has really brought us much closer together over the past couple years, which I praise Him for, but before that there was more of a business/casual relationship between him and myself. And whether you had a really good dad-relationship or he was a raging abusive alcoholic, I would imagine that most people in our country are probably in the same boat- we don't live in a culture that teaches fathers how to be fathers, which means that most of us haven't really 'connected' with our dads.
So when we hear of God as our 'Father' or even our 'Daddy', it doesn't really mean much. It's a statement of fact, but in terms of registering on the radar of our hearts...well, it stops short. They are just words that are devoid of emotional meaning. Like instruction manuals (at least, so I've heard. I've never actually opened an instruction manual, for fear of losing my manhood).
My beautiful family
And then I had my own kids. BLAM! Talk about getting instant wisdom! Well, not instant...actually, it has been a daily journey over the past two and a half years. But becoming a father myself has really helped me to understand what we're talking about when we throw things around like 'Abba Father' and 'Love of the Father' and 'Our Heavenly Father'- I can relate to that now. I can see and feel how God loves me as a son because I have a son. Bingo! I get it now!
Obviously I'm not saying that one needs to have their own children to acquire this understanding for themselves. Because really, there are people that just shouldn't be reproducing. I'd assume that some probably think that about me. Well, guess what- it's too late! I have procreated! My plan for world domination is now in stage 2! Seriously though, my hope is to parlay what I've learned to others.... for free even! You get to read about how awesome kids are in terms of understanding Divine Fatherness, but without the messy diapers and sleepless nights and coughing-that-leads-to-puking episodes...and best of all, to make sure that not a single point is missed, I will be presenting my case in Vintage Victorian era 3-pt. Sermon Format!
Those who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God. For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. And by him we cry, "Abba Father"- Romans 8:14-15
Now let me make this very clear- I am not going to be approaching this daddy idea from the adolescent childview. Adolescents would be like, 'Hey Dad, you own all the cattle on a thousand hills, can I borrow the car and $20?'. And God would be like 'Clean your room, which in this case is your heart', and the adolescent would throw a tantrum and get grounded. Who wants to hear about that? Besides, a) I have no experience with adolescent children- well, that's not entirely true, Sara and I ran a group home for over a year...but those exeriences are best labeled as 'dysfunctional', and b) I myself am in fact grounded, so my response would be tainted with teenage 'wisdom' (read:bitterness) about the situation.
Besides, compared to a God of infinite wisdom and power, I'm not so sure that we even really get to adolescence...I think that we are always meant to be wide-eyed children, full of anticipation and wonder, with faith in the impossible and hearts that desire only to make our parents proud. And that is what God has shown me through my own children.
First off (this is point #1 for those of you who are not familiar with Vintage Victorian 3 pt. format), God is proud of our accomplishments. I've played drums for about 9 years, often in a church setting, and I've often struggled with what to say/feel when people told me I did a good job. I mean, it feels good to have people tell me that I did a good job, or that I sounded good...but then I'm thinking, 'well, I'm doing this for God, I shouldn't be accepting compliments, should I?', and then I feel like crap. Then we had Delaney and Shane...and let me just tell you that kids are black holes of discovery. It's like something new, every day, and they just want to tell you about it- they're so proud of themselves. And you know what? They get even more joy from sharing those experiences with us. I remember the first few times that Delaney went pee on the potty...she'd look up at me, this big smile on her face, beaming...she was so proud of herself, but even more so she just wanted to share that with me, as her daddy. And I beamed right back, because I was proud of her too, proud of what she was accomplishing. Her joy brings me joy. So now, when people tell me how good I sounded or whatever, I don't cringe, I don't feel shame or confusion. I say 'Thanks', and then I go to my Daddy in pride of my baby steps, and He beams with me. God created us, and He delights in us and what we do for Him.
2) (this is the second point)- God's heart hurts when we aren't affectionate with Him. Delaney has never been super affectionate (although she is definitely growing more in that direction, she still doesn't often spontaneously show affection). Now I love my daughter, and I know she loves me, even without the kisses. But it does make me sad when she spurns my requests for a kiss or a hug. It hurts me, you know? Because I just want to be as close to her as I can at all times, because I love her so much. And I think that God feels the same way about us. I mean, we can love God without being 'affectionate'...and it could still be a great relationship...but it isn't the same. There isn't that magic. Our relationship with the Lord will never be all it can be if we don't sponaneously give Him our kisses and affection.
Obviously, we can't 'kiss' God. I can't even tell you what I mean necessarily. I think it's different for each person, how we're affectionate with God. Just pray about it...I'll bet that Daddy God has something in mind, because He delights in us and wants to be affectionate with us.
Finally, (yes, this is the third point. If you haven't figured it out by now, then I just can't help you) God doesn't delight in our suffering. Let me show you via real-life example (a classic method used often in 3 pt. AND 4 pt. sermon formats, but not as often delved into in the 2 pt. Or Less format). Delaney has settled into a bed time routine now. Sara takes her down, reads a book or two, sings a song or two, then she comes to the bottom of the stairs and calls up to me 'she's ready for you' (she heard Sara say that once and she's said it ever since...it makes my heart smile every time). I go down and sing her a couple songs, and then I tell her good night, and she reciprocates, and we keep saying good night to each other until I'm out of the door. Between 7:30 and 8:00 each night, the Parks household rests in peace.
But it wasn't always this way. I have vivid memories of Delaney screaming for 'one more song', standing at the door, crying 'Daddy where are you?', trying to pull the door open, kicking the door, yelling...and I wanted nothing more than to go in there and wrap my arms around her and tell her it was going to be okay. I wanted to sing that one more song, to let her know that I was there and that I always would be. But I knew that wasn't what she needed. I knew that giving in during those moments would set precedent that would become daily more difficult and that I would become resentful as she increasingly ate into our evenings, wearing us out and bringing stressful nights to our home.
Now I'm not saying that God will become stressed out if we don't suffer. I am saying that God allows us to go through painful experiences for our own good. If we hadn't made those short term sacrifices, then Delaney would not have such a smooth bedtime routine now. If God didn't allow us to go through tough times, then we wouldn't become people of character, we wouldn't be able to stand before Him in His Holiness. And through every disaster we go through, I'm willing to bet all that I have that God is watching us, wanting more than anything to come to our rescue, knowing that He needs to let us go through it but wanting to be our comforter.
To me, the whole argument of 'how could a loving God allow so much suffering and evil in the world?' doesn't hold up. You want to call me sick for believing in a God that allows suffering, but yet what is the alternative? That random chance, or else natural selection, determines the course of suffering? That we live in a world governed by the survival of the strong? Where is the hope in that? Answer- there is no hope. There is no repreive. All then is pointless. Because humanity becomes merely then an animal, doomed to struggle to survive for our meager lives until we die.
Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these.- Matthew 6:24-29
I don't understand God all the time, and there are definitely questions I have about the Bible...but I know that God is there, is real, and loves me, and will work all things together for my good. Even when the world rages and thrashes in its death throes, I hold onto a stable, steady force that is beyond my control or understanding, yet reaches for me to bring me to safety. This is what fatherhood has taught me about Daddy God. It has completely rocked my world, and allowed me to view the eternal God in a comletely different way. He is not unapproachable...He wants us to come to Him, jump in to His arms, and snuggle with Him. He doesn't promise us ease...but we have safety in the arms of our Daddy.
Beaver Cleaver- http://www.michaelssword.blogspot.com/
Tombstone- http://www.cartoonstock.com/lowres/rjo0665l.jpg
I've been trying to be a follower of Christ for about 10 years. During those 10 years, I can't even begin to compute how many times I've heard about God being our 'Heavenly Father'. And it sounded good...but it really never 'clicked'. Like who uses the word 'Father' any more? Beaver? I mean, seriously, what does that actually mean? I also heard a couple times, the expression abba, which apparantly is Greek for 'daddy daddy', or something like that. That one never really took either. Sure it sounded novel. And I can see Beaver Cleaver using that one too...as a BABY!
I mean, look at this kid...does he really have a clue about what's going on?
What is my point even? I guess I'm trying to say that relating to God as my father/daddy wasn't really connecting on any level. Probably because I really didn't understand how to connect in a fatherly manner.
Now, I love my Earth dad for sure. But I can't say that we had an amazingly close relationship when I was growing up- he was gone a lot on weekends, playing music in bars, and I was a pretty introverted kid, hiding myself away in books and sports cards. God has really brought us much closer together over the past couple years, which I praise Him for, but before that there was more of a business/casual relationship between him and myself. And whether you had a really good dad-relationship or he was a raging abusive alcoholic, I would imagine that most people in our country are probably in the same boat- we don't live in a culture that teaches fathers how to be fathers, which means that most of us haven't really 'connected' with our dads.
So when we hear of God as our 'Father' or even our 'Daddy', it doesn't really mean much. It's a statement of fact, but in terms of registering on the radar of our hearts...well, it stops short. They are just words that are devoid of emotional meaning. Like instruction manuals (at least, so I've heard. I've never actually opened an instruction manual, for fear of losing my manhood).
My beautiful family
And then I had my own kids. BLAM! Talk about getting instant wisdom! Well, not instant...actually, it has been a daily journey over the past two and a half years. But becoming a father myself has really helped me to understand what we're talking about when we throw things around like 'Abba Father' and 'Love of the Father' and 'Our Heavenly Father'- I can relate to that now. I can see and feel how God loves me as a son because I have a son. Bingo! I get it now!
Obviously I'm not saying that one needs to have their own children to acquire this understanding for themselves. Because really, there are people that just shouldn't be reproducing. I'd assume that some probably think that about me. Well, guess what- it's too late! I have procreated! My plan for world domination is now in stage 2! Seriously though, my hope is to parlay what I've learned to others.... for free even! You get to read about how awesome kids are in terms of understanding Divine Fatherness, but without the messy diapers and sleepless nights and coughing-that-leads-to-puking episodes...and best of all, to make sure that not a single point is missed, I will be presenting my case in Vintage Victorian era 3-pt. Sermon Format!
Those who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God. For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. And by him we cry, "Abba Father"- Romans 8:14-15
Now let me make this very clear- I am not going to be approaching this daddy idea from the adolescent childview. Adolescents would be like, 'Hey Dad, you own all the cattle on a thousand hills, can I borrow the car and $20?'. And God would be like 'Clean your room, which in this case is your heart', and the adolescent would throw a tantrum and get grounded. Who wants to hear about that? Besides, a) I have no experience with adolescent children- well, that's not entirely true, Sara and I ran a group home for over a year...but those exeriences are best labeled as 'dysfunctional', and b) I myself am in fact grounded, so my response would be tainted with teenage 'wisdom' (read:bitterness) about the situation.
Besides, compared to a God of infinite wisdom and power, I'm not so sure that we even really get to adolescence...I think that we are always meant to be wide-eyed children, full of anticipation and wonder, with faith in the impossible and hearts that desire only to make our parents proud. And that is what God has shown me through my own children.
First off (this is point #1 for those of you who are not familiar with Vintage Victorian 3 pt. format), God is proud of our accomplishments. I've played drums for about 9 years, often in a church setting, and I've often struggled with what to say/feel when people told me I did a good job. I mean, it feels good to have people tell me that I did a good job, or that I sounded good...but then I'm thinking, 'well, I'm doing this for God, I shouldn't be accepting compliments, should I?', and then I feel like crap. Then we had Delaney and Shane...and let me just tell you that kids are black holes of discovery. It's like something new, every day, and they just want to tell you about it- they're so proud of themselves. And you know what? They get even more joy from sharing those experiences with us. I remember the first few times that Delaney went pee on the potty...she'd look up at me, this big smile on her face, beaming...she was so proud of herself, but even more so she just wanted to share that with me, as her daddy. And I beamed right back, because I was proud of her too, proud of what she was accomplishing. Her joy brings me joy. So now, when people tell me how good I sounded or whatever, I don't cringe, I don't feel shame or confusion. I say 'Thanks', and then I go to my Daddy in pride of my baby steps, and He beams with me. God created us, and He delights in us and what we do for Him.
2) (this is the second point)- God's heart hurts when we aren't affectionate with Him. Delaney has never been super affectionate (although she is definitely growing more in that direction, she still doesn't often spontaneously show affection). Now I love my daughter, and I know she loves me, even without the kisses. But it does make me sad when she spurns my requests for a kiss or a hug. It hurts me, you know? Because I just want to be as close to her as I can at all times, because I love her so much. And I think that God feels the same way about us. I mean, we can love God without being 'affectionate'...and it could still be a great relationship...but it isn't the same. There isn't that magic. Our relationship with the Lord will never be all it can be if we don't sponaneously give Him our kisses and affection.
Obviously, we can't 'kiss' God. I can't even tell you what I mean necessarily. I think it's different for each person, how we're affectionate with God. Just pray about it...I'll bet that Daddy God has something in mind, because He delights in us and wants to be affectionate with us.
Finally, (yes, this is the third point. If you haven't figured it out by now, then I just can't help you) God doesn't delight in our suffering. Let me show you via real-life example (a classic method used often in 3 pt. AND 4 pt. sermon formats, but not as often delved into in the 2 pt. Or Less format). Delaney has settled into a bed time routine now. Sara takes her down, reads a book or two, sings a song or two, then she comes to the bottom of the stairs and calls up to me 'she's ready for you' (she heard Sara say that once and she's said it ever since...it makes my heart smile every time). I go down and sing her a couple songs, and then I tell her good night, and she reciprocates, and we keep saying good night to each other until I'm out of the door. Between 7:30 and 8:00 each night, the Parks household rests in peace.
But it wasn't always this way. I have vivid memories of Delaney screaming for 'one more song', standing at the door, crying 'Daddy where are you?', trying to pull the door open, kicking the door, yelling...and I wanted nothing more than to go in there and wrap my arms around her and tell her it was going to be okay. I wanted to sing that one more song, to let her know that I was there and that I always would be. But I knew that wasn't what she needed. I knew that giving in during those moments would set precedent that would become daily more difficult and that I would become resentful as she increasingly ate into our evenings, wearing us out and bringing stressful nights to our home.
Now I'm not saying that God will become stressed out if we don't suffer. I am saying that God allows us to go through painful experiences for our own good. If we hadn't made those short term sacrifices, then Delaney would not have such a smooth bedtime routine now. If God didn't allow us to go through tough times, then we wouldn't become people of character, we wouldn't be able to stand before Him in His Holiness. And through every disaster we go through, I'm willing to bet all that I have that God is watching us, wanting more than anything to come to our rescue, knowing that He needs to let us go through it but wanting to be our comforter.
To me, the whole argument of 'how could a loving God allow so much suffering and evil in the world?' doesn't hold up. You want to call me sick for believing in a God that allows suffering, but yet what is the alternative? That random chance, or else natural selection, determines the course of suffering? That we live in a world governed by the survival of the strong? Where is the hope in that? Answer- there is no hope. There is no repreive. All then is pointless. Because humanity becomes merely then an animal, doomed to struggle to survive for our meager lives until we die.
Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these.- Matthew 6:24-29
I don't understand God all the time, and there are definitely questions I have about the Bible...but I know that God is there, is real, and loves me, and will work all things together for my good. Even when the world rages and thrashes in its death throes, I hold onto a stable, steady force that is beyond my control or understanding, yet reaches for me to bring me to safety. This is what fatherhood has taught me about Daddy God. It has completely rocked my world, and allowed me to view the eternal God in a comletely different way. He is not unapproachable...He wants us to come to Him, jump in to His arms, and snuggle with Him. He doesn't promise us ease...but we have safety in the arms of our Daddy.
Beaver Cleaver- http://www.michaelssword.blogspot.com/
Tombstone- http://www.cartoonstock.com/lowres/rjo0665l.jpg
Sunday, January 4, 2009
New Years revolutions!
Well, Happy New Years! I guess our computers didn't crash, so Y2K was wrong after all! Ha! Take that, 'experts'!
It's a bittersweet week, to be sure. It's the first full week of 2009, which brings fresh hope...but it's also the first full week of the last 4 months of my 20's. That's right folks...I'm gonna be 30 this year....
And the happy go-lucky Jason you've all come to know and loathe..er, love will be a thing of the past...dead, decayed, muscleless, without tendon or nervous system, skin or any other bodily system...replaced by hardened, complacent, bone Jason. I mean, I won't even have cartilage! Metaphorically speaking, anyways.
Okay, okay, I'm overreacting a little bit. I was recently diagnosed with Overreactive Attachment Disorder by Sara...it's not a pretty thing and has a 100% fatality rate. Well, that's not true actually. I diagnosed Sara with Overreactive Attachment Disorder. And it has a 0% fatality rate. But you know what has a 100% fatality rate? Death. That's right, tell your friends. Death is the #1 killer in America, and somewhere in the top three in Europe (they didn't submit their statistics in time, so I'm just making a guess based on last years results).
Anyways, I'm getting WAY off track...this was supposed to be just a short intro to my actual post about New Years resolutions.
How many of you set New Years resolutions this year just because you were forced to? Okay, you can put your hands down. See, New Years resolutions were fashioned by 'The Man' as a form of social control. We spend the Holidays resting, relaxing, indulging...all of which may or may not have been ordained by God as legitimate expressions of Holidayness. But 'The Man' didn't like that. He didn't like giving 'paid time off' and things of that nature. So New Years resolutions were devised deep in the dark dungeons of 'The Establishment', which is actually in a Holiday Inn.
Probably not this Holiday Inn though, because it is located in Marquette, Michigan, which is the birthplace of very little.
New Years resolutions are like lurking vultures that stand on our shoulders, striking us down with deadly talons of 'commitment' and their fangs of 'change'. Really, does anyone know anyone that has actually KEPT their resolutions for an entire year? I'm the most successful person I know; last year, I actually kept one of my resolutions for 11 days, which I believe is in the Guiness Book of World Records
If you look REALLY closely through those ugly glasses, you can even see the entry. It's on page 141....or maybe it's on a different page. I didn't really get a specific number from the guy before he hung up on me.
Well, this year, I had an epiphany of sorts. I decided that I was going to single handedly take on the system. Oh, I made a New Years resolution...there is no sense in trying an up-front assault when getting in through the back door is much more effective, and has better scenery.
My New Years resolution? To have no New Years resolutions. Now, you might say, well isn't that a contradiction? Alright Mr. Smartypants, thanks for blowing it! That's why I didn't tell you my plan before New Years, or else I would have been dragged off by the vultures and forced into a weight loss program. Or something far, far worse...to watch a 'Land Before Time' marathon.
You're right. It is a contradiction. But I had the tactic of diversion on my side. I faithfully submitted it to the powers-that-be ten minutes before New Years, so they didn't really have time to look it over...they just stamped it and said 'Make sure you keep your resolution or else you will have to do something horrible like listen to the Janet Jackson Anthology'.
Lo and behold, I defeated the mighty system! My New Years resolution was instantly broken. Bam! Presto! At 12:00 and 1 second, I had officially broken my New Years resolution. And you know what I felt? FREEDOM! The freedom that can only come from beating the system, or having your insides cut out with crudely fashioned instruments of torture.
'Okay guys, this is where we all turn up our kilts and show our heinies to the bad guys. I just want to warn you guys that there is nothing more disgusting than looking at or smelling a man's butt, so when you all bend over, you should close your eyes and pray that you do not die from the instant exposure of the stench of 30,000 unclean Scot arses'
I'm not bound by any sort of 'code' or 'notion' that I have to adhere to some self-imposed living standards that are going to be obsolete before February. I am better than that. So what am I going to do with my year?
Well, now that I'm free from resolutions, I'm proposing a revolution, by setting New Years GOALS...which are completely different from resolutions. Setting a goal is basically making a committment to change some habit or aspect of lifestyle to be more positive.
My goals for the year are to lose 5 pounds a month, waste less time on trivial pursuits like video games, and to cut out sweets. I know that this sounds like resolutions, but believe me. They're not, they're completely different.
New Years resolututions are a way of supressing our individuality, and making us feel as though we are inferior to what we really are. But I've seen the light. I've seen the ugly tyrant for what it is, and I have decided to fight back. You say resolution...I say reVOlution! Instead of New Years resolutions, set New Years goals and turn the system on its head. Trust me, you'll feel better for it.
Tune in next time as I either talk about the 2006 NFL draft through the eyes of the hype machine or else tackle God as Daddy in 3 point sermon format!
Skull pic http://www.diamondvues.com/skull.jpg
Guiness pic http://img.tesco.com/pi/Books/L/67/9781904994367.jpg
Holiday Inn- http://www.roadsideamerica.com/hotels_motels/images-hotel/h17878/1.jpg
Braveheart pic- http://www.dga.org/news/mag_archives/v21-1/braveheart.jpg
It's a bittersweet week, to be sure. It's the first full week of 2009, which brings fresh hope...but it's also the first full week of the last 4 months of my 20's. That's right folks...I'm gonna be 30 this year....
And the happy go-lucky Jason you've all come to know and loathe..er, love will be a thing of the past...dead, decayed, muscleless, without tendon or nervous system, skin or any other bodily system...replaced by hardened, complacent, bone Jason. I mean, I won't even have cartilage! Metaphorically speaking, anyways.
Okay, okay, I'm overreacting a little bit. I was recently diagnosed with Overreactive Attachment Disorder by Sara...it's not a pretty thing and has a 100% fatality rate. Well, that's not true actually. I diagnosed Sara with Overreactive Attachment Disorder. And it has a 0% fatality rate. But you know what has a 100% fatality rate? Death. That's right, tell your friends. Death is the #1 killer in America, and somewhere in the top three in Europe (they didn't submit their statistics in time, so I'm just making a guess based on last years results).
Anyways, I'm getting WAY off track...this was supposed to be just a short intro to my actual post about New Years resolutions.
How many of you set New Years resolutions this year just because you were forced to? Okay, you can put your hands down. See, New Years resolutions were fashioned by 'The Man' as a form of social control. We spend the Holidays resting, relaxing, indulging...all of which may or may not have been ordained by God as legitimate expressions of Holidayness. But 'The Man' didn't like that. He didn't like giving 'paid time off' and things of that nature. So New Years resolutions were devised deep in the dark dungeons of 'The Establishment', which is actually in a Holiday Inn.
Probably not this Holiday Inn though, because it is located in Marquette, Michigan, which is the birthplace of very little.
New Years resolutions are like lurking vultures that stand on our shoulders, striking us down with deadly talons of 'commitment' and their fangs of 'change'. Really, does anyone know anyone that has actually KEPT their resolutions for an entire year? I'm the most successful person I know; last year, I actually kept one of my resolutions for 11 days, which I believe is in the Guiness Book of World Records
If you look REALLY closely through those ugly glasses, you can even see the entry. It's on page 141....or maybe it's on a different page. I didn't really get a specific number from the guy before he hung up on me.
Well, this year, I had an epiphany of sorts. I decided that I was going to single handedly take on the system. Oh, I made a New Years resolution...there is no sense in trying an up-front assault when getting in through the back door is much more effective, and has better scenery.
My New Years resolution? To have no New Years resolutions. Now, you might say, well isn't that a contradiction? Alright Mr. Smartypants, thanks for blowing it! That's why I didn't tell you my plan before New Years, or else I would have been dragged off by the vultures and forced into a weight loss program. Or something far, far worse...to watch a 'Land Before Time' marathon.
You're right. It is a contradiction. But I had the tactic of diversion on my side. I faithfully submitted it to the powers-that-be ten minutes before New Years, so they didn't really have time to look it over...they just stamped it and said 'Make sure you keep your resolution or else you will have to do something horrible like listen to the Janet Jackson Anthology'.
Lo and behold, I defeated the mighty system! My New Years resolution was instantly broken. Bam! Presto! At 12:00 and 1 second, I had officially broken my New Years resolution. And you know what I felt? FREEDOM! The freedom that can only come from beating the system, or having your insides cut out with crudely fashioned instruments of torture.
'Okay guys, this is where we all turn up our kilts and show our heinies to the bad guys. I just want to warn you guys that there is nothing more disgusting than looking at or smelling a man's butt, so when you all bend over, you should close your eyes and pray that you do not die from the instant exposure of the stench of 30,000 unclean Scot arses'
I'm not bound by any sort of 'code' or 'notion' that I have to adhere to some self-imposed living standards that are going to be obsolete before February. I am better than that. So what am I going to do with my year?
Well, now that I'm free from resolutions, I'm proposing a revolution, by setting New Years GOALS...which are completely different from resolutions. Setting a goal is basically making a committment to change some habit or aspect of lifestyle to be more positive.
My goals for the year are to lose 5 pounds a month, waste less time on trivial pursuits like video games, and to cut out sweets. I know that this sounds like resolutions, but believe me. They're not, they're completely different.
New Years resolututions are a way of supressing our individuality, and making us feel as though we are inferior to what we really are. But I've seen the light. I've seen the ugly tyrant for what it is, and I have decided to fight back. You say resolution...I say reVOlution! Instead of New Years resolutions, set New Years goals and turn the system on its head. Trust me, you'll feel better for it.
Tune in next time as I either talk about the 2006 NFL draft through the eyes of the hype machine or else tackle God as Daddy in 3 point sermon format!
Skull pic http://www.diamondvues.com/skull.jpg
Guiness pic http://img.tesco.com/pi/Books/L/67/9781904994367.jpg
Holiday Inn- http://www.roadsideamerica.com/hotels_motels/images-hotel/h17878/1.jpg
Braveheart pic- http://www.dga.org/news/mag_archives/v21-1/braveheart.jpg
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Michael Jackson was wrong...
...it DOES matter if you're black and white. Let me explain...
As many of you know, I'm in Social Work program at Northern Michigan University. Some of you don't know that. For those of you that don't know, I am in the Social Work program at Northern Michigan University. Now that everyone is up to speed, we can begin.
Over the past two years, I have taken six social work classes, and I'm taking two more this coming semester. That's normal, and expected. That's not where my beef lies.
My problem with these social work classes lies in the textbooks. They're big, boring, and...black and white! I mean, some of them had some light blue shading, or whatever...but black and white! No color pics, no color graphs, just hundreds upon hundreds of boring pages of information!
If I had known that it was going to be like that, I would have majored in the Alphabet. Or Counting. Even Going Potty Without Missing. Just something to get me some more colored pages!
It's not that I adverse to reading...anyone that knows me knows that I like to read, I'm fairly competent, and that when I was a child calling me a 'bookworm' or a 'nerd' would have been putting it mildly. Some of you don't know that about me. For those of you that haven't known me very long (or at all), I like to read, and I'm fairly competent at it. When I was a child, calling me a 'bookworm' or a 'nerd' would have been putting it mildly. I'm also a fan of redunant repetition for the sake of wasting time. Moving on...
It's sad, because the material is interesting- I mean it's talking about helping people solve their problems, and there aren't too many things more interesting than people's problems. Maybe that's why the books are constructed so boringly- otherwise everyone would want to get in on this action.
It's just that...I have a short attention span. Really, it's a miracle that I've managed to stay somewhat coherently consistent in my journey to get this post done- I'm not quite ADD...although I do think that I fit the classic case of the kid that falls through the cracks...I think that I DO have ADD and that I was tragically misdiagnosed as a child as being 'normal'. There is no way to tell the damage that could have been averted would I have been properly diagnosed.
Compounding the problem is that I have two young children...who don't get really excited when daddy is reading Understanding Generalist Practice to them. I have to get homework done, but you can only string a two year old along for so long with 'wait, maybe there is a graph or a blatantly and poorly posed picture of a happy family on the next page', before they start screaming and ripping pages. So I am left with very specific, small chunks of time to get my reading done.
The problem is that when you add short attention span with finite block of time, and then multiply it colorless, odorless, tasteless text that dissolves instantly in liquid (also known as Iocaine), you get Bang Head Into Wall. This is the formula version:
(Short Attention Span+Finite Block of Time)Colorless, odorless, tasteless text that dissolves instantly in liquid=Bang Head Into Wall.
So if you see walking around with brick-like lacerations on my head, or if I have a series of concussions, or if I just happen to post a random blog entry...there is a reason. I'm just not sure what we're talking about right now.
As many of you know, I'm in Social Work program at Northern Michigan University. Some of you don't know that. For those of you that don't know, I am in the Social Work program at Northern Michigan University. Now that everyone is up to speed, we can begin.
Over the past two years, I have taken six social work classes, and I'm taking two more this coming semester. That's normal, and expected. That's not where my beef lies.
My problem with these social work classes lies in the textbooks. They're big, boring, and...black and white! I mean, some of them had some light blue shading, or whatever...but black and white! No color pics, no color graphs, just hundreds upon hundreds of boring pages of information!
If I had known that it was going to be like that, I would have majored in the Alphabet. Or Counting. Even Going Potty Without Missing. Just something to get me some more colored pages!
It's not that I adverse to reading...anyone that knows me knows that I like to read, I'm fairly competent, and that when I was a child calling me a 'bookworm' or a 'nerd' would have been putting it mildly. Some of you don't know that about me. For those of you that haven't known me very long (or at all), I like to read, and I'm fairly competent at it. When I was a child, calling me a 'bookworm' or a 'nerd' would have been putting it mildly. I'm also a fan of redunant repetition for the sake of wasting time. Moving on...
It's sad, because the material is interesting- I mean it's talking about helping people solve their problems, and there aren't too many things more interesting than people's problems. Maybe that's why the books are constructed so boringly- otherwise everyone would want to get in on this action.
It's just that...I have a short attention span. Really, it's a miracle that I've managed to stay somewhat coherently consistent in my journey to get this post done- I'm not quite ADD...although I do think that I fit the classic case of the kid that falls through the cracks...I think that I DO have ADD and that I was tragically misdiagnosed as a child as being 'normal'. There is no way to tell the damage that could have been averted would I have been properly diagnosed.
Compounding the problem is that I have two young children...who don't get really excited when daddy is reading Understanding Generalist Practice to them. I have to get homework done, but you can only string a two year old along for so long with 'wait, maybe there is a graph or a blatantly and poorly posed picture of a happy family on the next page', before they start screaming and ripping pages. So I am left with very specific, small chunks of time to get my reading done.
The problem is that when you add short attention span with finite block of time, and then multiply it colorless, odorless, tasteless text that dissolves instantly in liquid (also known as Iocaine), you get Bang Head Into Wall. This is the formula version:
(Short Attention Span+Finite Block of Time)Colorless, odorless, tasteless text that dissolves instantly in liquid=Bang Head Into Wall.
So if you see walking around with brick-like lacerations on my head, or if I have a series of concussions, or if I just happen to post a random blog entry...there is a reason. I'm just not sure what we're talking about right now.
Friday, December 26, 2008
Eulogy to the Victors, valiant
This post is awesome! I understand this man's reasons for turning his back on his birthright! I'm not sure why I'm screaming!
Holidays are a time for many things, and one of the main thing is self-reflection. It is a time when we tend to look in the mirror and really give ourselves the once over. And I don't think we usually like what we find, hence New Years Resolutions. Comparing ourselves to the ideals of the Christmas season (Love, Sacrifice, Hope, Retail) we often find our own qualities lacking. We decide then that changes need to be made. We make room for the new by sweeping out the old.
It is then with a heavy heart with which I deliver this news- I am no longer going to be a University of Michigan fan.
Now, take a pause to let that sink in. Those of you who really know me know how much I love Michigan football...I love it so much that I get downright angry when they lose. Scratch that- I get downright angry when they throw an incomplete pass! I get very passionate about their successes and failures, and the 1997 National Championship is one of my most cherished football memories, right up there with Charles Woodson and his Heisman and Desmond Howard and his Heisman and Brandent Englemon and his Honorable Mention All-Conference season.
Unfortunately, there have been many more disappointments than appointments...er, um, victories. Two of the most vivid involve the hated Spartans of Michigan. One of them is from 1990, when the then #1 Wolverines lost 28-27 because Desmond Howard was raped in front of over 100,000 people and a two point conversion attempt failed. The second is from 1999, when the Spartan clock operator accidentally thought that 1 second was more like 30 seconds, giving the Spartans time for one last play, which they parlayed into the game winning touchdown. I was so mad that I didn't speak to anyone for the next couple hours. I just sat in the living room, brooding. I also have bitter memories of bowl losses to Washington, Tennessee, Oregon, Texas, and a couple to USC.
Well, in the past couple of months, I've started to reflect. And I've started to think. By the way, the thinking thing has gone on much longer than the past couple of months, smart alecs. There is actually evidence of me thinking as early as 2004 A.D., so hahaha the joke is on you. Anyways, I realized that my intense passion had impacted me to the point where I don't even watch the games anymore because I hate what it does to my mood when they lose. Scratch that, when they blow ONE SINGLE SERIES- I basically explode.
Maybe my expectations are too high- I mean, it's impossible for any team to go undefeated and unscored while scoring on every single one of their possessions...I haven't even managed to pull that off on Xbox, which actually isn't very realistic. But I blame the hype machine for fostering an atmosphere that gives birth to unrealistic expectations.
The fact that Michigan had a losing season and broke a 30+ year bowl game streak is only one thread in a tapestry that has slowly unwoven itself over the past several years and is now a pile of old maize and blue string lying at my feet. The first frays really started in the mid 90's, and our string of four loss seasons. Sure, we were owning the Buckeyes during that time. But why should one victory, even over a hated rival, douse the sting of mediocrity? The 1997 championship provided temporary reprieve, but we followed up that season by losing our first two games of 1998 to Notre Dame and the Donovan McNabb-led Syracuse Stupid Mascot Names. Ugh. More pain.
Watching the Michigan towel boy get leveled in 'Waterboy' and the subsequent LMAO chipped a little more away from the aura of invincibility. A few years ago, I actually stooped to buying a hated Spartan shirt at Steve and Barry's (I still own the shirt, it actually looks fabulous on me). These are things that die-hard fans don't do, and here I was, doing them. But the thing is, I didn't feel dirty. At all. I felt...kinda good.
Once my unfailing devotion to the Wolverines came into question, the curtain fell rather quickly. It was not unaided, however. Tom Brady played a big role in this process. As a Wolverine, I adored Brady, and would have gladdly drank the sweat from his game socks. As a New England Patriot? I would gladly dump gallons of sock-sweat on his pretty-boy face. How could I so callously hate own of the Family? I didn't realize it at the time, but my foundation as a Wolverine had crumbled, to the point where my loyalty to Michigan could be stripped away by something as simple as utter hatred of anything to do with the New England Patriots. Of coures, it doesn't help that over the past few seasons, the Big Ten has been unable to compete on the national scene. Michigan and others have had some scattered success in bowl games and high-profile non-conference games, but there has been this sense that everyone else was taking their games to the next level, while the Big Ten was content to live with this notion of 'Three yards and a cloud of dust'. When we play schools like USC and Texas, it's amazing at how much faster they are than we are. And yeah, we beat Florida last year in the bowl game. Why? Because it was Lloyd's fairwell party. If Lloyd would have been back this past year, I'm pretty confident that Florida would have Tebowed us into submission.
Here's two more reasons. Appalachian State. Toledo. Who? These are two of the teams that have come from completely off the radar to deliver humiliating home losses to the Big House. I mean, do Florida and Texas and Oklahoma lose to 1-AA teams at home? Granted those schools schedule the scum of 1-AA, but they just don't lose those types of games. Not like we have the past two seasons.
But the final straw has been the current Buckeye domination of the Winged Helmets. I know that these things are cyclical, and that in the 90's, we had OSU's number. But when Terrell Pryor turns down a chance to be The Man from day one at Michigan running an offense that was designed by God for his talents to attend the bitter rival...well, that's not cyclical. That's something deeper and more mysterious.
And let's just say that we have another unbeaten season that culminates with a National Championship. What then? What is the point? There is no lasting fruit bore, no spoils to enjoy. The thought always goes to the next season. There is no enjoyment. Next season looms, with its challenges, stresses, and inevitable defeat waiting, lurking. Ugh.
I enjoy watching football, I do. And I find that the most enjoyment that I have is not when I watch Michigan win. No, its when I watch a well played game. It's when I see amazingly awesome big plays. It's when I see hard hits. I like watching upsets, hail marys, goal line stands. These things can happen during any game, at any time, and even more so when I am free of my partisan responsibilities.
Now that I am shedding my emotional millstone, I will be free to enjoy football at any and all times. Sure, when I see Michigan play there will be those feelings of longing. Kinda like when you see an ex girlfriend- you remember the good times, and hope she's doing well, but you can't go back with her because she broke your heart and stole all your records. I'm sure some of you will read this and think I'm overreacting, or that I'm a quitter. 'Wait out the storm', you say, while others might call me a fair weather fan. But you know what? I don't care. Because I'm free. I'm free and I love it.
I'll see ya at the Humanitarian Bowl. Or the Tangerine Bowl. Or the Toilet Bowl. And you'll see me, watching football, having fun, and walking away from it all, smiling.
'Jason, again, I think that you had an excellent post. And even though my first season sucked majorly, and my second season could be just as bad, I can hold a press conference with a smile on my face knowing that I have played a part in pushing away a very loyal fanbase'.
Rich photo #1- blog.nj.com/rutgers_football/2008/06/Rich%20Rodriguez%20Rutgers%20Michigan%20WVU.JPG
Rich photo #2- thewareaglereader.files.wordpress.com/2007/12/rr.jpg
Thursday, December 25, 2008
2008 in review
Nation will rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom. There will be famines and earthquakes in various places. All these are the beginning of birth pains- Matthew 24:7-8 (NIV)
You'll hate us 'cause we'll never go away
And like some sort of fungus, we're growing every day
Our knuckles are dragging, I guess that means to say
Our message isn't stopping, till you drag us all away- Steins Theme, Project 86
Well, it's almost over. 2008 will go down in history as one of the worst years in existence. And you know what? I saw it coming. Well, not any specific events. It was more of a sense of extreme New years uncertainty, somewhat like Y2K. You all remember Y2K, don't you?
The difference here though is that Y2K was a buildup of fearful expectation BEFORE the New Year, and it was something that was a known quantity. When I awoke on New Years day 2008 (or maybe in the couple days following...I really need to get better at keeping track of things), I just had this looming sense of dreadful anticipation about the year. Of course, I found out I wasn't the only one at the first service of the year at Waters Edge church. The guy who spoke talked about having many of the same dubieties (this word has been brought to you by dictionary.com) that I had, and that he had talked to others with the same types of feelings! Whoa!
You'll hate us 'cause we'll never go away
And like some sort of fungus, we're growing every day
Our knuckles are dragging, I guess that means to say
Our message isn't stopping, till you drag us all away- Steins Theme, Project 86
Well, it's almost over. 2008 will go down in history as one of the worst years in existence. And you know what? I saw it coming. Well, not any specific events. It was more of a sense of extreme New years uncertainty, somewhat like Y2K. You all remember Y2K, don't you?
The difference here though is that Y2K was a buildup of fearful expectation BEFORE the New Year, and it was something that was a known quantity. When I awoke on New Years day 2008 (or maybe in the couple days following...I really need to get better at keeping track of things), I just had this looming sense of dreadful anticipation about the year. Of course, I found out I wasn't the only one at the first service of the year at Waters Edge church. The guy who spoke talked about having many of the same dubieties (this word has been brought to you by dictionary.com) that I had, and that he had talked to others with the same types of feelings! Whoa!
Now let me be clear, that I am not trying to equate myself as any sort of prophet or anything like that. I do fancy myself as someone who can read the writing on the wall, but I'm not a prognosticator, I'm not a fortune teller. I'm no Nostradamus, although I might be more handsome than he was...
Well, the jury is out on that, although his beard obviously puts mine to shame. But still, I'm just plain old me. And while I had nothing to go on but vague suspicions, you can imagine my surprise (and at times horror) when things played out according to my unclear hunch.
Floods in Iowa, a cyclone in Myanmar, earthquake in China. Hurricanes Gustav and Ike, Georgia and Russia in conflict. There were lighter calamaties as well- the Detroit Lions flirting with 0-16, Michigan football having their worst season in U-M history, the Tigers choke job. Back to serious reality, gas prices climbing to over $4 a gallon as the stock market was busy throwing our economy into Depressionesque territory. And it even carried through the holidays, with the Thanksgiving Mumbai terrorist attack, and December Israeli airstrikes. There was also a guy who dressed up as Santa and killed 9 people on Christmas eve.
Is this Doomsday? Man I hope not! I've got 2 little kids, and the prospect of Revelation unveiled in our time is not one that I want to think about, you know? But you can't just ignore the Time Signs either. It's obvious that things are happening in our world, reminding us that we are never truly in control. But God is. Now now, I'm not trying to scare anyone into believing what I believe, because it isn't fair to God and it isn't fair to us as beings of free will. I'm just saying that there is a source of hope for any who have been plagued by the evils of the current global climate. And besides, Jesus offers way more than just heaven.
Aye, fight and you may die. Run, and you'll live... at least a while. And dying in your beds, many years from now, would you be willin' to trade ALL the days, from this day to that, for one chance, just one chance, to come back here and tell our enemies that they may take our lives, but they'll never take... OUR FREEDOM!- William Wallace, Braveheart
Even though I wrestle with fear about the state of our world, I take comfort in seeing confirmation of my faith begin to play out in these dark times, knowing that there is hope despite what the evidence says. Christmas and Easter culminate, and Jesus bringing freedom to us no matter what is going on around us. That's real. That's life. We now return you to your regulary scheduled awesome blog.
So is the world going to end? Are things coming to a head? Is 2008 a Horseman of the Apocalypse? I don't know. Maybe yes. Maybe no. Maybe things will get better. If that happens, I'll be more than happy to eat humble pie. Just be sure that you watch the skies, because it is of upmost importance that we can read the signs of the seasons.
Right now, a line is being drawn in the sand. All of our 'tolerance' and ambiguity have served as a fulcrum of modern culture, leading to a point of no return. We've lived in a morally ambivilent world for far too long, and postmodern relativism has sunk its ugly talons into our backs. We live in a society that praises the concept of all is right UNLESS someone has the balls to proclaim a sense of absolute right. Then they are shunned, mocked, scorned, hated. And I take comfort in the drawing of black lines, because light will always defeat darkness, and good triumphs over evil in the end, even when it does not appear to be so.
Then you will be handed over to be persecuted and put to death, and you will be hated by all nations because of me- Matthew 24:9 (NIV)
Look, I'm not too proud to say that I don't have all the answers. I just don't. But I believe in a God that does. Life is never going to go 'according to plan'...
There is a God, though, that can sort out the chaos and see us through whatever 2009 and beyond is going to bring.
I'd like to wish you all a safe, happy 2009, and blessings on you all!
Y2K pic- www.dabbledoo.com/ee/images/uploads/gamertell/y2k_bomb_thumb.jpg
Nostradamus pic- www.elmonasterio.org/escritos/wp-content/uploads/Nostradamus.JPG
Joker- www.blog.djcream.org/wp-content/uploads/2008/08/wallpaper_heath_ledger_the_joker_1.jpg
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