To all of my adoring fans, and the haters as well...oh, and anyone who does not fall in either of my dichtonomous categories...
I am very sorry that I haven't written in a while, and unfortunately (or fortunately if you are so inclined) I won't be writing much this go around (pause for groans of those saying 'Yeah right, we've heard this before').
Basically I just want to let you all know life has been super busy with school/kids/music, and that this will probably be par for the next few months. I am taking three classes (which doesn't sound like much, but it is...don't judge me yo), and two of them are social work classes. I'm pretty stoked about those, because it's finally getting down to the wire...I mean, graduation is in sight! I'm hoping, praying, and working hard to graduate next May (mainly so that I can officially say that I graduated college before Jenny graduates high school...if I don't do that, she'll never let me hear the end of it!).
I will be doing lots of reading this semester, lots of writing, some role-plays, and more reading/writing. For those of you that don't know, I am THE ONLY GUY in my social work classes. 38 students. 37 females. Me. The residual estrogen is starting to affect me- I've shown a slight affinity for knitting and I recently picked up a Hello Kitty backpack. Seriously though, it's definitely interesting. I am looking forward to the challenges of the social work program.
The kids are doing great! Shane is starting to babble more and more, and say some isolated words. Delaney has got a brilliant sense of humor (of which I can stake a 50% genetic claim), and she and Shane are interacting more and more! Of course, there are rough days/spells, but all in all being a dad has been amazing.
Music is still humming along as well. Baby Cannon is hitting the ground running this semester. We're trying to get some shows lined up, and get our final mix done on our EP, 'Barrel. Powder. Fuse'. Sara has joined the band, and with her amazing voice/violinism (or we could call it 'violince')/keyboarding, our sound is evolving into something new and fresh!
I really am going to try and churn out some sweet blogs this semester, but I can't promise anything...I'm balls-to-the-wall busy, and this is only the second week in. It's only going to get crazier from here! I'll post when I can...until then God bless and keep it real!
Saturday, January 24, 2009
Friday, January 9, 2009
(Who) to be or not to be- Superhero Movie Casting: The Top Five!
Well, surprise surprise. I got extremely wordy, and turned what very well should have been a one post blog into a two post blog. For those of you that are reading this, you have stumbled onto virtual treasure. This is my personal ranking of the top five Superhero movie casting jobs...and I don't even have to tell you how epic it is. But I will. It's epic. Ta da!
5) Mystery Men- I have absolutely no knowledge of the comic backstory of Mystery Men, and as far as I'm concerned, it doesn't matter- this is one of the most perfectly casted superhero movies of all time- kicking off the top five!
High points- Big names- Ben Stiller, William H. Macy, Geoffrey Rush, Greg Kinnear, all slotted into perfect roles. Small names- PeeWee Herman, Wes Studi, Kel Mitchell- again, in the perfect roles. The chemistry in this movie is top notch, the writing is tremendous, and the delivery is second to none. Amazing movie!
Low points- None that I can think of- but I can't put a movie that is borderline-not-even-a-superhero-movie higher than #5 on my list of superhero movie casting jobs.
4) Fantastic Four- In terms of a movie, this obviously was pretty disappointing. But in terms of casting, I think that overall it was very well casted. Fantastic? Well, not quite. But 'Very Well Four' is both grammatically incorrect and non-alliterative, so we'll stick with Fantastic.
High points- Chris Evans, Ioan Gruffudd, and Michael Chiklis could have very well been ripped out of the pages of a Fantastic Four comic book. Chiklis saved the franchise a ton of money by foregoing CGI effects for the Thing. This was accomplished because A) they didn't have to spend all that money on the CGI, and B) they didn't have to use all that much make-up to transform Chiklis into the Thing. Just kidding Mikey, I would hate to be pounded on by those rock fists of yours! Also, Julian McMahon was a great Doctor Doom, and using Lawrence Fishburnes voice as the Silver Surfer took that character to a new level.
Low points- Jessica Alba is hot. Susan Storm is not...at least, she couldn't be if she hooked up with Reed Richards. Character deficits aside, in a realistic reality, there is NO way that an Albaesque Susan Storm chooses Mr. Fantastic over Doctor Doom- especially if Doom looks at all like McMahon does. Plus, in the comics, Doom rules his own country! Hots, smarts, AND political power- this guy has the triple crown! So they either should have got an uglier Susan Storm or an uglier Doctor Doom. I can think of the perfect person for each role-
Hello Ms. Storm, I'm the Lord of Latveria!
Why Ms. Storm, you're blushing? Is it because I am wearing aviators and a Weird Al wig?
3) Iron Man- Michael Jordan and the Bulls. Barry Sanders and the Lions. Atlas and the world. Occasionally there comes along individuals who, merely by their presence and abilities, are able to take groups of others to heights higher than would have been acheivable without those individuals. Well add Robert Downey Jr. to that list- a man who took a 'team' or a 'planet' (in this case, the movie) and took it to a COMPLETELY new level. Downey Jr. as Tony Stark has been a role that has been refined in a lifetime of drinking, carousing, and being arrogant. Downey Jr's life has been culminating for this one role, this one chance to put mortals on his back and ascend them to greatness. And he does not disappoint, taking Iron Man all the way to #3 on my Prestigious List.
High points- Obviously Downey Jr. as the star. Gwyneth Paltrow, Terrence Howard, and Jeff Bridges are all like amalgams of John Paxson/Brett Periman/Toni Kukoc/Herman Moore- talents who can't really carry a team on a consistent basis, but are good enough to carry things for short periods of time and hit series-clinching three pointers/catch passes from whoever the Lions quarterback is on that given Sunday.
Low points- Expect Iron Man to fall down the list when Iron Man II comes out, as Don Cheadle replaces Terrence Howard as Rhody. Now, Cheadle is a much better actor than Howard IMO...but again, the classic case of switching a significant character between movies and expecting the audience to go along with it. Eventually, it taints the legacy. It's like Jordan playing for the Wizards, or the Lions eventually swallowing Sanders career- individual greatness will eventually break down and decompose into vintage highlight reel footage and historical footnotes, or else retire on the evening of training camp because it realizes that it is playing for the Lions, which is a black hole to any sort of championship aspirations.
2) X-Men- Keeping with sports analogies...sometimes you have all the components together- great schedule, talent, superior coaching, luck of the bounce/biased officiating. You have everything going for you...and you still lose. Sometimes it's because the other team makes a great play. Last year's Super Bowl was a great example of this. But most of the time it's because someone on your team makes a bonehead move, screwing it up for everybody else, and leaving behind a trail of bitterness and something else. This is the X-Men cast.
High points- As Robert Downey Jr. allowed his life to go down in flames in order to purify himself for the role of Tony Stark, Patrick Stewart was blessed in the womb as the physical incarnation of Professor Xavier. And if I didn't know any better, I'd swear that Hugh Jackman was born with retractable adamantium claws, that Ian McKellen really did have control over electro-magnetic fields, and that Halle Berry can make her eyes go solid white. Ray Park made a character named 'Toad' cool, and Rebecca Romijn ensured that every teenage boy in the country owns at least one of the X-men movies. Some other highlights include James Marsden as Cyclops and Kelly Hu as Lady Deathstrike (my fav scene from that movie is when SPOILER Wolverine pumps her full of liquid adamantium, and kills her, and as she realizes that she's dying, she looks at Wolverine with this look of sadness...like she's just realizing that she was trying to kill her soulmate...because if you are familiar at all with the movie or the story, you realize how perfect those two are for each other- sort of a mutant Brangelina).
Low points- A lot, actually. Some of it is minor stuff, but one thing that I've learned about comic books is that there are no minor details. Famke Janssen is a very beautiful lady that just never really sat right as Jean Grey. Anna Paquin was a good Rogue...except that Rogue was a Southern Belle. And don't get me started on Vinnie Jones as Juggernaut. Really? That's it? Not only do you get the Juggernaut story all wrong, but you pick the absolute smallest strong guy you could find? Daniel Cudmore may have looked like Colossus, but he didn't score any points in the Russian accent category. These may seem like little things, but in comic book lore, they are not. These are the accents that make characters unique, that give them substance, that help us to attach to them and embrace them. Unfortunately, X-men undid some of the most perfectly assigned casting jobs in history by marring some minor details. That, and they tried the mid-franchise character switch a couple times (granted, it was just minor characters, but still- who do they think we are?).
And that brings us to the number one Best Superhero Movie Casting Job. Drum roll please....
1) Spider-man- Spider-man put out two great movies, and a third movie that was very disappointing. But just looking strictly at casting, Spider-man takes the cake. They have the most successes in terms of Comic Replication, and the least amount of failures.
High points- Several of the characters in Spider-man looked like they were just ripped out of comic book pages, brought to life, and put onto the silver screen. Tobey Maguire IS Peter Parker. Kirsten Dunst IS Mary Jane Watson. Topher Grace IS Eddie Brock (even though they butchered the whole Venom thing, they nailed his human host). Rosemary Harris IS Aunt May. Thomas Haden Church IS Sandman. They just nailed so many roles, it's ridiculous. They also did good in casting Goblin 1 and Goblin 2 (William Dafoe and James Franco, respectively). But the Robert Horry, the guy that put Spidey over Iron Man and X-men is J.K. Simmons. As J.Jonah Jameson, Simmons took a significant lesser role, and made it a show stealer without upsetting the overall balance of the movie. Not an easy thing to do, but he did it and he did it seemlessly. This guy was ripped out of the BRAINS of the Spider-man creators, put onto the comic page, brought to life, and then put on the silver screen. I'm fully convinced that if Marvel did a movie combing Downey Jrs Tony Stark, Patrick Stewarts Professor X, and Simmons J.J.J., that it would melt the faces of those in attendance due to sheer awesomeness.
Low points- A couple, although they are mostly minor. First of all, while I did grow to love Alfred Molina as Doctor Octopus, it just didn't fit with the comics Doc Oc. Second, Spider-man wasn't dumb enough to try and change characters mid trilogy- but they DID recycle a character...Bruce Campbell! Bruce is the man for those of you who don't know, but it is still an assault on the intelligence of movie-goers everywhere. Maybe in the next Spider-man movie they'll feature Bruce fighting against living skeletons, or else micro-people.
Judging from carbon dating, I'd say that this skeleton is ready for battle!
Well, that completes my ranking of Superhero movie casting jobs! Thanks for tuning in! School starts on Monday, so I'm probably going to be able to blog less periodically...but be sure to keep tuning in because you never know what I'm capable of saying when the mood strikes me! God bless!
Skeleton- http://members.aye.net/~gharris/blog/army15.jpg
5) Mystery Men- I have absolutely no knowledge of the comic backstory of Mystery Men, and as far as I'm concerned, it doesn't matter- this is one of the most perfectly casted superhero movies of all time- kicking off the top five!
High points- Big names- Ben Stiller, William H. Macy, Geoffrey Rush, Greg Kinnear, all slotted into perfect roles. Small names- PeeWee Herman, Wes Studi, Kel Mitchell- again, in the perfect roles. The chemistry in this movie is top notch, the writing is tremendous, and the delivery is second to none. Amazing movie!
Low points- None that I can think of- but I can't put a movie that is borderline-not-even-a-superhero-movie higher than #5 on my list of superhero movie casting jobs.
4) Fantastic Four- In terms of a movie, this obviously was pretty disappointing. But in terms of casting, I think that overall it was very well casted. Fantastic? Well, not quite. But 'Very Well Four' is both grammatically incorrect and non-alliterative, so we'll stick with Fantastic.
High points- Chris Evans, Ioan Gruffudd, and Michael Chiklis could have very well been ripped out of the pages of a Fantastic Four comic book. Chiklis saved the franchise a ton of money by foregoing CGI effects for the Thing. This was accomplished because A) they didn't have to spend all that money on the CGI, and B) they didn't have to use all that much make-up to transform Chiklis into the Thing. Just kidding Mikey, I would hate to be pounded on by those rock fists of yours! Also, Julian McMahon was a great Doctor Doom, and using Lawrence Fishburnes voice as the Silver Surfer took that character to a new level.
Low points- Jessica Alba is hot. Susan Storm is not...at least, she couldn't be if she hooked up with Reed Richards. Character deficits aside, in a realistic reality, there is NO way that an Albaesque Susan Storm chooses Mr. Fantastic over Doctor Doom- especially if Doom looks at all like McMahon does. Plus, in the comics, Doom rules his own country! Hots, smarts, AND political power- this guy has the triple crown! So they either should have got an uglier Susan Storm or an uglier Doctor Doom. I can think of the perfect person for each role-
Hello Ms. Storm, I'm the Lord of Latveria!
Why Ms. Storm, you're blushing? Is it because I am wearing aviators and a Weird Al wig?
3) Iron Man- Michael Jordan and the Bulls. Barry Sanders and the Lions. Atlas and the world. Occasionally there comes along individuals who, merely by their presence and abilities, are able to take groups of others to heights higher than would have been acheivable without those individuals. Well add Robert Downey Jr. to that list- a man who took a 'team' or a 'planet' (in this case, the movie) and took it to a COMPLETELY new level. Downey Jr. as Tony Stark has been a role that has been refined in a lifetime of drinking, carousing, and being arrogant. Downey Jr's life has been culminating for this one role, this one chance to put mortals on his back and ascend them to greatness. And he does not disappoint, taking Iron Man all the way to #3 on my Prestigious List.
High points- Obviously Downey Jr. as the star. Gwyneth Paltrow, Terrence Howard, and Jeff Bridges are all like amalgams of John Paxson/Brett Periman/Toni Kukoc/Herman Moore- talents who can't really carry a team on a consistent basis, but are good enough to carry things for short periods of time and hit series-clinching three pointers/catch passes from whoever the Lions quarterback is on that given Sunday.
Low points- Expect Iron Man to fall down the list when Iron Man II comes out, as Don Cheadle replaces Terrence Howard as Rhody. Now, Cheadle is a much better actor than Howard IMO...but again, the classic case of switching a significant character between movies and expecting the audience to go along with it. Eventually, it taints the legacy. It's like Jordan playing for the Wizards, or the Lions eventually swallowing Sanders career- individual greatness will eventually break down and decompose into vintage highlight reel footage and historical footnotes, or else retire on the evening of training camp because it realizes that it is playing for the Lions, which is a black hole to any sort of championship aspirations.
2) X-Men- Keeping with sports analogies...sometimes you have all the components together- great schedule, talent, superior coaching, luck of the bounce/biased officiating. You have everything going for you...and you still lose. Sometimes it's because the other team makes a great play. Last year's Super Bowl was a great example of this. But most of the time it's because someone on your team makes a bonehead move, screwing it up for everybody else, and leaving behind a trail of bitterness and something else. This is the X-Men cast.
High points- As Robert Downey Jr. allowed his life to go down in flames in order to purify himself for the role of Tony Stark, Patrick Stewart was blessed in the womb as the physical incarnation of Professor Xavier. And if I didn't know any better, I'd swear that Hugh Jackman was born with retractable adamantium claws, that Ian McKellen really did have control over electro-magnetic fields, and that Halle Berry can make her eyes go solid white. Ray Park made a character named 'Toad' cool, and Rebecca Romijn ensured that every teenage boy in the country owns at least one of the X-men movies. Some other highlights include James Marsden as Cyclops and Kelly Hu as Lady Deathstrike (my fav scene from that movie is when SPOILER Wolverine pumps her full of liquid adamantium, and kills her, and as she realizes that she's dying, she looks at Wolverine with this look of sadness...like she's just realizing that she was trying to kill her soulmate...because if you are familiar at all with the movie or the story, you realize how perfect those two are for each other- sort of a mutant Brangelina).
Low points- A lot, actually. Some of it is minor stuff, but one thing that I've learned about comic books is that there are no minor details. Famke Janssen is a very beautiful lady that just never really sat right as Jean Grey. Anna Paquin was a good Rogue...except that Rogue was a Southern Belle. And don't get me started on Vinnie Jones as Juggernaut. Really? That's it? Not only do you get the Juggernaut story all wrong, but you pick the absolute smallest strong guy you could find? Daniel Cudmore may have looked like Colossus, but he didn't score any points in the Russian accent category. These may seem like little things, but in comic book lore, they are not. These are the accents that make characters unique, that give them substance, that help us to attach to them and embrace them. Unfortunately, X-men undid some of the most perfectly assigned casting jobs in history by marring some minor details. That, and they tried the mid-franchise character switch a couple times (granted, it was just minor characters, but still- who do they think we are?).
And that brings us to the number one Best Superhero Movie Casting Job. Drum roll please....
1) Spider-man- Spider-man put out two great movies, and a third movie that was very disappointing. But just looking strictly at casting, Spider-man takes the cake. They have the most successes in terms of Comic Replication, and the least amount of failures.
High points- Several of the characters in Spider-man looked like they were just ripped out of comic book pages, brought to life, and put onto the silver screen. Tobey Maguire IS Peter Parker. Kirsten Dunst IS Mary Jane Watson. Topher Grace IS Eddie Brock (even though they butchered the whole Venom thing, they nailed his human host). Rosemary Harris IS Aunt May. Thomas Haden Church IS Sandman. They just nailed so many roles, it's ridiculous. They also did good in casting Goblin 1 and Goblin 2 (William Dafoe and James Franco, respectively). But the Robert Horry, the guy that put Spidey over Iron Man and X-men is J.K. Simmons. As J.Jonah Jameson, Simmons took a significant lesser role, and made it a show stealer without upsetting the overall balance of the movie. Not an easy thing to do, but he did it and he did it seemlessly. This guy was ripped out of the BRAINS of the Spider-man creators, put onto the comic page, brought to life, and then put on the silver screen. I'm fully convinced that if Marvel did a movie combing Downey Jrs Tony Stark, Patrick Stewarts Professor X, and Simmons J.J.J., that it would melt the faces of those in attendance due to sheer awesomeness.
Low points- A couple, although they are mostly minor. First of all, while I did grow to love Alfred Molina as Doctor Octopus, it just didn't fit with the comics Doc Oc. Second, Spider-man wasn't dumb enough to try and change characters mid trilogy- but they DID recycle a character...Bruce Campbell! Bruce is the man for those of you who don't know, but it is still an assault on the intelligence of movie-goers everywhere. Maybe in the next Spider-man movie they'll feature Bruce fighting against living skeletons, or else micro-people.
Judging from carbon dating, I'd say that this skeleton is ready for battle!
Well, that completes my ranking of Superhero movie casting jobs! Thanks for tuning in! School starts on Monday, so I'm probably going to be able to blog less periodically...but be sure to keep tuning in because you never know what I'm capable of saying when the mood strikes me! God bless!
Skeleton- http://members.aye.net/~gharris/blog/army15.jpg
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
(Who) to be or not to be- Superhero Movie Casting
Back by popular demand! More superhero movie stuff! As promised, long not delivered!
In this installment, I'll be taking ranking my favorite (and not-so-favorite) Superhero movies in terms of castinghood. What am I looking for? Well, as I said before, I don't have an extensive history of reading comics. Don't get me wrong, I'm still very much a geek...just not that kind of geek. But I have read some comics, and have some exposure to comic book sources, which have left me with some vivid ideas about characters and how I think about those characters.
So the premise of this post is to let you know how I think that the movies did in terms of meeting my expectations. This would have been a lot easier if Hollywood had actually bothered to hire me in some sort of informal consultant role...the fact that I didn't even get any phone calls does hurt a little bit, I'll be honest with you. But I have decided to take the high road and just slander those choices that I do not agree with.
Without further adieu, my casting rankings (I divided things into franchises to A)Dull the monotony of repeats and B) Hopefully get this done in one post...as opposed to the like five posts it took last time)!
12) Judge Dredd- The more I think about it, the more I'm not sure that this should be even considered a superhero movie. I mean, sure, it involves a comic book storyline based on an alternate future...epic showdowns between good and evil, with technology and the fate of justice in the balance, with a genetically enhanced individual saving innocents...but it's just such a bad movie. I feel like I'm poisoning all the other movies on this list merely by mentioning them in the same breath. But I will. It's my job to do tough things like that.
High points- Um, Diane Lane as Judge Hershey. Diane Lane is a very beautiful woman, not like Hollywood sexy...just beautiful. And Armand Assante was a decent bad guy (actually, I just love his name Armand Assante and wanted to say it- say it with me, it has good name feng shui and cleans out your sinuses).
Low points- Um, every one else. Sylvester Stallone really nailed that 'Rocky' persona...so much so that he has taken it with him in EVERY SINGLE MOVIE he's ever been it...at the risk of getting beaten up by Sly. The only difference between 'Rocky' and 'Judge Dredd' is that it takes place in the future and instead of being a boxer, Stallone mumbles 'I am thlaw' and shoots them.
11) Ghost Rider- I already touched on this in my last superhero blog post- Nicholas Cage should never, EVER be in a superhero movie, unless he is playing the part of a damsel in distress.
High points- Wes Bentley played a very VERY creepy Blackheart...even though I am slightly bitter that they made him and Mephisto look human even though they are not human. With all the CGI special effect, we should have been treated better. And Sam Elliott just has one of those smooth classic movie voices that can make your voice a little deeper and your facial hair grow a little longer.
Low points- Nicholas Cage as a superhero. And that is enough to keep Ghost Rider out of the top ten. Who do I think would have been a good Ghost Rider? Easy- the guy that they got to play Superman. He would have made a GREAT Ghost Rider...oh, what's his name? Oh well, I'll think of it sometime.
10) Daredevil- I'm starting to get depressed with all the crappy casting jobs. Not like, depressed enough to want to take a short walk on a long cliff, or to get my nails done or anything crazy...just depressed enough to want to rip my hair out or take up yodeling. Daredevil, by virtue of being less sucky than Judge Dredd and Ghost Rider, makes the top ten.
High points- Colin Farrell. True, he looks even goofier than the comics Bullseye, and that takes some talent.
I mean, seriously, you have a bullseye imprinted on your head? Did you fall asleep on your stove?
I'm just saying.
Despite the hideous henna-gone-wrong, Farrell turns in a great performance as a sociopathic assassin who kills a guy by throwing paperclips at his throat! Brilliant!
Low points- Everybody else. On the surface, it should have been a match made in heaven- Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner are a cute couple. Daredevil and Elektra are a couple that can kick ass and take names. Well, maybe not a match made in heaven. Actually, it's a tragic case of 'What Were They Thinking?'. Nobody buys this, and that is one of the reasons that Daredevil has been banished to movie purgatory. It's like trying to have Spongebob play Chuck Norris. It just isn't going to work. PLUS...wow I almost forgot this...Michael Clarke Duncan as the Kingpin? Really? How about no? Kingpin was...um...(let's see how to say this politically correct)...Italian?...(no, that's not it)...fat?...(well yes, but they're not buying it)...okay I give. Kingpin is white in the comics. Duncan is black. Granted, Duncan might be the only man on the planet who could pull off the Kingpin role...couldn't they have at least dusted him in flour? Or used a bunch of Wite-out?
13) Hulk (2003)- I was going to put this at #9, but then I got thinking about it, and I was like, what am I thinking? This was not a good movie- so bad that Hollywood completely severed ties and went in a brand new direction in a short period of time. Kinda like a Hollywood marriage. I did like how the film was editted to make it feel more like a comic book. I actually liked it at first. Then I became 'cultured'...I acquired a taste for the finer things in life- Fazoli's, Jones soda, American films featuring foreign accents- and there was no more room in my life for crappy movies. So in honor of the Hulk being so badly casted, I am skipping #9 and taking the Hulk all the way to the absolute bottom.
High points- CGI Hulk smashing the crap out of everything, throwing tanks, and crushing a poodle. Also, another Sam Elliott cameo. If he shows up in any more movies I might be able to actually shake the prepubescent rep.
Low points- Have you heard Nick Nolte's voice? He sounds worse than Christian Bale as Batman...imagine a phone conversation between them. And look, I'm as big of an Eric Bana fan as anyone...but he's already buff- why become the Hulk when you could already beat up Josh Lucas? Or have Lou Ferrigno be the Hulk- he still looks the size of 2 grown men. But Edward Norton is definitely a better Bruce Banner.
8) Punisher- This is the last 'meh' movie on the list for me. And that's really all I'm going to say about that.
High points- Thomas Jane as the Punisher.
Low points- John Travolta as a villain. Sorry John, but Danny Zuko is about as far towards the 'evil' spectrum as you should go.
7) New Batman- Why am I so hard on the new Batman movies? As a duo of movies, they are clearly superior in quality to the older ones. And overall I think that they've been better casted. But here is the reason why I had to hate- Christian Bale as Batman. Not Christian Bale as Bruce Wayne- Bale as Smoker's Cough Lung Hocker Batman.
High points- I'm not going to try and wax eloquent on Heath Ledger's performance as the Joker. It was phenomenal...the tragedy is that he literally gave his life to do it. Aaron Eckhart quietly went blow-for-blow with Ledger- one of the best performances of two supporting actors in the same movie ever! Bale does shine as the arrogant billionaire Bruce Wayne, and while Michael Caine does not quite meet the standards of Michael Gough as Alfred, he still manages to shine as well. Finally, kudos for Liam Neeson for his cold-hearted Ra's Al Ghul, and Morgan Freeman (who has appeared in/narrated roughly half of all movies ever in some form or another).
Low points- I've already said enough about Hackma..er, Batman and his, um, pitch problems. I wonder, if someone hit him in the throat, if it would have a sort of reverse effect and make his voice sound normal. Something to pursue for the next film. Also, they really should have learned from the first Batman franchise that you can't pull Significant Character Switches mid-series. I mean, you expect us to look at Katie Holmes and Maggie I'mtoolazytolookuphowtospellherlastname and just pretend that they are both Rachel Dawes? Do you think we're idiots? (Please don't answer that- by reading this you are already an accomplice in my idiocy, and I will squeal like a pig in court).
6) Batman Franchise 1- In almost every single regard, Batman 1.0 is nowhere near as competitive as Batman 2.0- superior writing, casting, special effects- it's not even close! So how do I rate old Batman above new Batman again? Simple- these are Batman movies, and Batman 1.0 has a much better Batman (at least, the first Batman). He's not hacking in villains faces- he's brooding, silent- letting his presence do the talking, and consider that this was the birth of Batman in black (before he was wearing gray and blue)...which made him even more intimidating.
High points- You can't fault Batman 1.0 because of a lack of talent- Jack Nicholson, Jim Carrey, Tommy Lee Jones, Uma Thurman, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Danny DeVito, Jack Palance, Christopher Walken, Michelle Pfeiffer, Val Kilmer, Nicole Kidman, George Clooney, Drew Barrymore- it's a venerable smörgåsbord of super stars!
Low points- I suppose I could have put Batman 1.0 up higher on the list because of all these all stars- but if you've actually WATCHED any of these movies, you realize the the ratio of superstar to success is very low- and you cannot under ANY circumstances try to switch Batman in the middle of a franchise and expect it to be okay. Batman 1.0 did it TWICE. Think of Batman 1.0 as the New York Yankees or the Washington Redskins- teams that spend tons of money for washed up big names that end up leading to mediocrity.That's what happened to Batman 1.0- they had tons of big names that, even if they were not washed up, were woefully out of place in a superhero movie role.
Well, I tried to get it all done in one...but man I am one wordy guy! So I'm dividing it in half (well, a little less than half, probably more like 60/40). Keep your eyes peeled- my top five is on the horizon, ready to pounce like a rabid animal.
Rabies myth- Three Americans every year die from rabies-infliction.
Rabies fact- Four Americansevery year die from rabies-infliction.
(This very random and somewhat out of place fact has been brought to you by The Office, so it is probably not true).
Pics
Nicky Cage- http://www.thesharkbook.com/archive/2008_01_01_archives.html
Burner top- http://pro.corbis.com/images/42-15468792.jpg?size=572&uid=%7B3250EE2C-0D66-48FB-96DC-E9A65022A343%7D
Bullseye fake- http://members.fortunecity.com/dm_bishop2/marvel/bullseye004.JPG
Bullseye real- http://www.movievillains.com/images/bullseye.jpg
In this installment, I'll be taking ranking my favorite (and not-so-favorite) Superhero movies in terms of castinghood. What am I looking for? Well, as I said before, I don't have an extensive history of reading comics. Don't get me wrong, I'm still very much a geek...just not that kind of geek. But I have read some comics, and have some exposure to comic book sources, which have left me with some vivid ideas about characters and how I think about those characters.
So the premise of this post is to let you know how I think that the movies did in terms of meeting my expectations. This would have been a lot easier if Hollywood had actually bothered to hire me in some sort of informal consultant role...the fact that I didn't even get any phone calls does hurt a little bit, I'll be honest with you. But I have decided to take the high road and just slander those choices that I do not agree with.
Without further adieu, my casting rankings (I divided things into franchises to A)Dull the monotony of repeats and B) Hopefully get this done in one post...as opposed to the like five posts it took last time)!
12) Judge Dredd- The more I think about it, the more I'm not sure that this should be even considered a superhero movie. I mean, sure, it involves a comic book storyline based on an alternate future...epic showdowns between good and evil, with technology and the fate of justice in the balance, with a genetically enhanced individual saving innocents...but it's just such a bad movie. I feel like I'm poisoning all the other movies on this list merely by mentioning them in the same breath. But I will. It's my job to do tough things like that.
High points- Um, Diane Lane as Judge Hershey. Diane Lane is a very beautiful woman, not like Hollywood sexy...just beautiful. And Armand Assante was a decent bad guy (actually, I just love his name Armand Assante and wanted to say it- say it with me, it has good name feng shui and cleans out your sinuses).
Low points- Um, every one else. Sylvester Stallone really nailed that 'Rocky' persona...so much so that he has taken it with him in EVERY SINGLE MOVIE he's ever been it...at the risk of getting beaten up by Sly. The only difference between 'Rocky' and 'Judge Dredd' is that it takes place in the future and instead of being a boxer, Stallone mumbles 'I am thlaw' and shoots them.
11) Ghost Rider- I already touched on this in my last superhero blog post- Nicholas Cage should never, EVER be in a superhero movie, unless he is playing the part of a damsel in distress.
High points- Wes Bentley played a very VERY creepy Blackheart...even though I am slightly bitter that they made him and Mephisto look human even though they are not human. With all the CGI special effect, we should have been treated better. And Sam Elliott just has one of those smooth classic movie voices that can make your voice a little deeper and your facial hair grow a little longer.
Low points- Nicholas Cage as a superhero. And that is enough to keep Ghost Rider out of the top ten. Who do I think would have been a good Ghost Rider? Easy- the guy that they got to play Superman. He would have made a GREAT Ghost Rider...oh, what's his name? Oh well, I'll think of it sometime.
10) Daredevil- I'm starting to get depressed with all the crappy casting jobs. Not like, depressed enough to want to take a short walk on a long cliff, or to get my nails done or anything crazy...just depressed enough to want to rip my hair out or take up yodeling. Daredevil, by virtue of being less sucky than Judge Dredd and Ghost Rider, makes the top ten.
High points- Colin Farrell. True, he looks even goofier than the comics Bullseye, and that takes some talent.
I mean, seriously, you have a bullseye imprinted on your head? Did you fall asleep on your stove?
I'm just saying.
Despite the hideous henna-gone-wrong, Farrell turns in a great performance as a sociopathic assassin who kills a guy by throwing paperclips at his throat! Brilliant!
Low points- Everybody else. On the surface, it should have been a match made in heaven- Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner are a cute couple. Daredevil and Elektra are a couple that can kick ass and take names. Well, maybe not a match made in heaven. Actually, it's a tragic case of 'What Were They Thinking?'. Nobody buys this, and that is one of the reasons that Daredevil has been banished to movie purgatory. It's like trying to have Spongebob play Chuck Norris. It just isn't going to work. PLUS...wow I almost forgot this...Michael Clarke Duncan as the Kingpin? Really? How about no? Kingpin was...um...(let's see how to say this politically correct)...Italian?...(no, that's not it)...fat?...(well yes, but they're not buying it)...okay I give. Kingpin is white in the comics. Duncan is black. Granted, Duncan might be the only man on the planet who could pull off the Kingpin role...couldn't they have at least dusted him in flour? Or used a bunch of Wite-out?
13) Hulk (2003)- I was going to put this at #9, but then I got thinking about it, and I was like, what am I thinking? This was not a good movie- so bad that Hollywood completely severed ties and went in a brand new direction in a short period of time. Kinda like a Hollywood marriage. I did like how the film was editted to make it feel more like a comic book. I actually liked it at first. Then I became 'cultured'...I acquired a taste for the finer things in life- Fazoli's, Jones soda, American films featuring foreign accents- and there was no more room in my life for crappy movies. So in honor of the Hulk being so badly casted, I am skipping #9 and taking the Hulk all the way to the absolute bottom.
High points- CGI Hulk smashing the crap out of everything, throwing tanks, and crushing a poodle. Also, another Sam Elliott cameo. If he shows up in any more movies I might be able to actually shake the prepubescent rep.
Low points- Have you heard Nick Nolte's voice? He sounds worse than Christian Bale as Batman...imagine a phone conversation between them. And look, I'm as big of an Eric Bana fan as anyone...but he's already buff- why become the Hulk when you could already beat up Josh Lucas? Or have Lou Ferrigno be the Hulk- he still looks the size of 2 grown men. But Edward Norton is definitely a better Bruce Banner.
8) Punisher- This is the last 'meh' movie on the list for me. And that's really all I'm going to say about that.
High points- Thomas Jane as the Punisher.
Low points- John Travolta as a villain. Sorry John, but Danny Zuko is about as far towards the 'evil' spectrum as you should go.
7) New Batman- Why am I so hard on the new Batman movies? As a duo of movies, they are clearly superior in quality to the older ones. And overall I think that they've been better casted. But here is the reason why I had to hate- Christian Bale as Batman. Not Christian Bale as Bruce Wayne- Bale as Smoker's Cough Lung Hocker Batman.
High points- I'm not going to try and wax eloquent on Heath Ledger's performance as the Joker. It was phenomenal...the tragedy is that he literally gave his life to do it. Aaron Eckhart quietly went blow-for-blow with Ledger- one of the best performances of two supporting actors in the same movie ever! Bale does shine as the arrogant billionaire Bruce Wayne, and while Michael Caine does not quite meet the standards of Michael Gough as Alfred, he still manages to shine as well. Finally, kudos for Liam Neeson for his cold-hearted Ra's Al Ghul, and Morgan Freeman (who has appeared in/narrated roughly half of all movies ever in some form or another).
Low points- I've already said enough about Hackma..er, Batman and his, um, pitch problems. I wonder, if someone hit him in the throat, if it would have a sort of reverse effect and make his voice sound normal. Something to pursue for the next film. Also, they really should have learned from the first Batman franchise that you can't pull Significant Character Switches mid-series. I mean, you expect us to look at Katie Holmes and Maggie I'mtoolazytolookuphowtospellherlastname and just pretend that they are both Rachel Dawes? Do you think we're idiots? (Please don't answer that- by reading this you are already an accomplice in my idiocy, and I will squeal like a pig in court).
6) Batman Franchise 1- In almost every single regard, Batman 1.0 is nowhere near as competitive as Batman 2.0- superior writing, casting, special effects- it's not even close! So how do I rate old Batman above new Batman again? Simple- these are Batman movies, and Batman 1.0 has a much better Batman (at least, the first Batman). He's not hacking in villains faces- he's brooding, silent- letting his presence do the talking, and consider that this was the birth of Batman in black (before he was wearing gray and blue)...which made him even more intimidating.
High points- You can't fault Batman 1.0 because of a lack of talent- Jack Nicholson, Jim Carrey, Tommy Lee Jones, Uma Thurman, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Danny DeVito, Jack Palance, Christopher Walken, Michelle Pfeiffer, Val Kilmer, Nicole Kidman, George Clooney, Drew Barrymore- it's a venerable smörgåsbord of super stars!
Low points- I suppose I could have put Batman 1.0 up higher on the list because of all these all stars- but if you've actually WATCHED any of these movies, you realize the the ratio of superstar to success is very low- and you cannot under ANY circumstances try to switch Batman in the middle of a franchise and expect it to be okay. Batman 1.0 did it TWICE. Think of Batman 1.0 as the New York Yankees or the Washington Redskins- teams that spend tons of money for washed up big names that end up leading to mediocrity.That's what happened to Batman 1.0- they had tons of big names that, even if they were not washed up, were woefully out of place in a superhero movie role.
Well, I tried to get it all done in one...but man I am one wordy guy! So I'm dividing it in half (well, a little less than half, probably more like 60/40). Keep your eyes peeled- my top five is on the horizon, ready to pounce like a rabid animal.
Rabies myth- Three Americans every year die from rabies-infliction.
Rabies fact- Four Americansevery year die from rabies-infliction.
(This very random and somewhat out of place fact has been brought to you by The Office, so it is probably not true).
Pics
Nicky Cage- http://www.thesharkbook.com/archive/2008_01_01_archives.html
Burner top- http://pro.corbis.com/images/42-15468792.jpg?size=572&uid=%7B3250EE2C-0D66-48FB-96DC-E9A65022A343%7D
Bullseye fake- http://members.fortunecity.com/dm_bishop2/marvel/bullseye004.JPG
Bullseye real- http://www.movievillains.com/images/bullseye.jpg
Monday, January 5, 2009
Daddy God
Alright, I've been chewing on this idea for a while, and it's time to swallow or regurgitate. I'm not sure whether blogging about it would be considered swallowing or regurgitating...I think it's regurgitating, but that's just gross. But swallowing is bereft of hope as a source of information...once it goes through the digestive tract, there isn't much left except the waste material, which we all know as crap. So with that shining visual image, let me get to the point!
I've been trying to be a follower of Christ for about 10 years. During those 10 years, I can't even begin to compute how many times I've heard about God being our 'Heavenly Father'. And it sounded good...but it really never 'clicked'. Like who uses the word 'Father' any more? Beaver? I mean, seriously, what does that actually mean? I also heard a couple times, the expression abba, which apparantly is Greek for 'daddy daddy', or something like that. That one never really took either. Sure it sounded novel. And I can see Beaver Cleaver using that one too...as a BABY!
I mean, look at this kid...does he really have a clue about what's going on?
What is my point even? I guess I'm trying to say that relating to God as my father/daddy wasn't really connecting on any level. Probably because I really didn't understand how to connect in a fatherly manner.
Now, I love my Earth dad for sure. But I can't say that we had an amazingly close relationship when I was growing up- he was gone a lot on weekends, playing music in bars, and I was a pretty introverted kid, hiding myself away in books and sports cards. God has really brought us much closer together over the past couple years, which I praise Him for, but before that there was more of a business/casual relationship between him and myself. And whether you had a really good dad-relationship or he was a raging abusive alcoholic, I would imagine that most people in our country are probably in the same boat- we don't live in a culture that teaches fathers how to be fathers, which means that most of us haven't really 'connected' with our dads.
So when we hear of God as our 'Father' or even our 'Daddy', it doesn't really mean much. It's a statement of fact, but in terms of registering on the radar of our hearts...well, it stops short. They are just words that are devoid of emotional meaning. Like instruction manuals (at least, so I've heard. I've never actually opened an instruction manual, for fear of losing my manhood).
My beautiful family
And then I had my own kids. BLAM! Talk about getting instant wisdom! Well, not instant...actually, it has been a daily journey over the past two and a half years. But becoming a father myself has really helped me to understand what we're talking about when we throw things around like 'Abba Father' and 'Love of the Father' and 'Our Heavenly Father'- I can relate to that now. I can see and feel how God loves me as a son because I have a son. Bingo! I get it now!
Obviously I'm not saying that one needs to have their own children to acquire this understanding for themselves. Because really, there are people that just shouldn't be reproducing. I'd assume that some probably think that about me. Well, guess what- it's too late! I have procreated! My plan for world domination is now in stage 2! Seriously though, my hope is to parlay what I've learned to others.... for free even! You get to read about how awesome kids are in terms of understanding Divine Fatherness, but without the messy diapers and sleepless nights and coughing-that-leads-to-puking episodes...and best of all, to make sure that not a single point is missed, I will be presenting my case in Vintage Victorian era 3-pt. Sermon Format!
Those who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God. For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. And by him we cry, "Abba Father"- Romans 8:14-15
Now let me make this very clear- I am not going to be approaching this daddy idea from the adolescent childview. Adolescents would be like, 'Hey Dad, you own all the cattle on a thousand hills, can I borrow the car and $20?'. And God would be like 'Clean your room, which in this case is your heart', and the adolescent would throw a tantrum and get grounded. Who wants to hear about that? Besides, a) I have no experience with adolescent children- well, that's not entirely true, Sara and I ran a group home for over a year...but those exeriences are best labeled as 'dysfunctional', and b) I myself am in fact grounded, so my response would be tainted with teenage 'wisdom' (read:bitterness) about the situation.
Besides, compared to a God of infinite wisdom and power, I'm not so sure that we even really get to adolescence...I think that we are always meant to be wide-eyed children, full of anticipation and wonder, with faith in the impossible and hearts that desire only to make our parents proud. And that is what God has shown me through my own children.
First off (this is point #1 for those of you who are not familiar with Vintage Victorian 3 pt. format), God is proud of our accomplishments. I've played drums for about 9 years, often in a church setting, and I've often struggled with what to say/feel when people told me I did a good job. I mean, it feels good to have people tell me that I did a good job, or that I sounded good...but then I'm thinking, 'well, I'm doing this for God, I shouldn't be accepting compliments, should I?', and then I feel like crap. Then we had Delaney and Shane...and let me just tell you that kids are black holes of discovery. It's like something new, every day, and they just want to tell you about it- they're so proud of themselves. And you know what? They get even more joy from sharing those experiences with us. I remember the first few times that Delaney went pee on the potty...she'd look up at me, this big smile on her face, beaming...she was so proud of herself, but even more so she just wanted to share that with me, as her daddy. And I beamed right back, because I was proud of her too, proud of what she was accomplishing. Her joy brings me joy. So now, when people tell me how good I sounded or whatever, I don't cringe, I don't feel shame or confusion. I say 'Thanks', and then I go to my Daddy in pride of my baby steps, and He beams with me. God created us, and He delights in us and what we do for Him.
2) (this is the second point)- God's heart hurts when we aren't affectionate with Him. Delaney has never been super affectionate (although she is definitely growing more in that direction, she still doesn't often spontaneously show affection). Now I love my daughter, and I know she loves me, even without the kisses. But it does make me sad when she spurns my requests for a kiss or a hug. It hurts me, you know? Because I just want to be as close to her as I can at all times, because I love her so much. And I think that God feels the same way about us. I mean, we can love God without being 'affectionate'...and it could still be a great relationship...but it isn't the same. There isn't that magic. Our relationship with the Lord will never be all it can be if we don't sponaneously give Him our kisses and affection.
Obviously, we can't 'kiss' God. I can't even tell you what I mean necessarily. I think it's different for each person, how we're affectionate with God. Just pray about it...I'll bet that Daddy God has something in mind, because He delights in us and wants to be affectionate with us.
Finally, (yes, this is the third point. If you haven't figured it out by now, then I just can't help you) God doesn't delight in our suffering. Let me show you via real-life example (a classic method used often in 3 pt. AND 4 pt. sermon formats, but not as often delved into in the 2 pt. Or Less format). Delaney has settled into a bed time routine now. Sara takes her down, reads a book or two, sings a song or two, then she comes to the bottom of the stairs and calls up to me 'she's ready for you' (she heard Sara say that once and she's said it ever since...it makes my heart smile every time). I go down and sing her a couple songs, and then I tell her good night, and she reciprocates, and we keep saying good night to each other until I'm out of the door. Between 7:30 and 8:00 each night, the Parks household rests in peace.
But it wasn't always this way. I have vivid memories of Delaney screaming for 'one more song', standing at the door, crying 'Daddy where are you?', trying to pull the door open, kicking the door, yelling...and I wanted nothing more than to go in there and wrap my arms around her and tell her it was going to be okay. I wanted to sing that one more song, to let her know that I was there and that I always would be. But I knew that wasn't what she needed. I knew that giving in during those moments would set precedent that would become daily more difficult and that I would become resentful as she increasingly ate into our evenings, wearing us out and bringing stressful nights to our home.
Now I'm not saying that God will become stressed out if we don't suffer. I am saying that God allows us to go through painful experiences for our own good. If we hadn't made those short term sacrifices, then Delaney would not have such a smooth bedtime routine now. If God didn't allow us to go through tough times, then we wouldn't become people of character, we wouldn't be able to stand before Him in His Holiness. And through every disaster we go through, I'm willing to bet all that I have that God is watching us, wanting more than anything to come to our rescue, knowing that He needs to let us go through it but wanting to be our comforter.
To me, the whole argument of 'how could a loving God allow so much suffering and evil in the world?' doesn't hold up. You want to call me sick for believing in a God that allows suffering, but yet what is the alternative? That random chance, or else natural selection, determines the course of suffering? That we live in a world governed by the survival of the strong? Where is the hope in that? Answer- there is no hope. There is no repreive. All then is pointless. Because humanity becomes merely then an animal, doomed to struggle to survive for our meager lives until we die.
Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these.- Matthew 6:24-29
I don't understand God all the time, and there are definitely questions I have about the Bible...but I know that God is there, is real, and loves me, and will work all things together for my good. Even when the world rages and thrashes in its death throes, I hold onto a stable, steady force that is beyond my control or understanding, yet reaches for me to bring me to safety. This is what fatherhood has taught me about Daddy God. It has completely rocked my world, and allowed me to view the eternal God in a comletely different way. He is not unapproachable...He wants us to come to Him, jump in to His arms, and snuggle with Him. He doesn't promise us ease...but we have safety in the arms of our Daddy.
Beaver Cleaver- http://www.michaelssword.blogspot.com/
Tombstone- http://www.cartoonstock.com/lowres/rjo0665l.jpg
I've been trying to be a follower of Christ for about 10 years. During those 10 years, I can't even begin to compute how many times I've heard about God being our 'Heavenly Father'. And it sounded good...but it really never 'clicked'. Like who uses the word 'Father' any more? Beaver? I mean, seriously, what does that actually mean? I also heard a couple times, the expression abba, which apparantly is Greek for 'daddy daddy', or something like that. That one never really took either. Sure it sounded novel. And I can see Beaver Cleaver using that one too...as a BABY!
I mean, look at this kid...does he really have a clue about what's going on?
What is my point even? I guess I'm trying to say that relating to God as my father/daddy wasn't really connecting on any level. Probably because I really didn't understand how to connect in a fatherly manner.
Now, I love my Earth dad for sure. But I can't say that we had an amazingly close relationship when I was growing up- he was gone a lot on weekends, playing music in bars, and I was a pretty introverted kid, hiding myself away in books and sports cards. God has really brought us much closer together over the past couple years, which I praise Him for, but before that there was more of a business/casual relationship between him and myself. And whether you had a really good dad-relationship or he was a raging abusive alcoholic, I would imagine that most people in our country are probably in the same boat- we don't live in a culture that teaches fathers how to be fathers, which means that most of us haven't really 'connected' with our dads.
So when we hear of God as our 'Father' or even our 'Daddy', it doesn't really mean much. It's a statement of fact, but in terms of registering on the radar of our hearts...well, it stops short. They are just words that are devoid of emotional meaning. Like instruction manuals (at least, so I've heard. I've never actually opened an instruction manual, for fear of losing my manhood).
My beautiful family
And then I had my own kids. BLAM! Talk about getting instant wisdom! Well, not instant...actually, it has been a daily journey over the past two and a half years. But becoming a father myself has really helped me to understand what we're talking about when we throw things around like 'Abba Father' and 'Love of the Father' and 'Our Heavenly Father'- I can relate to that now. I can see and feel how God loves me as a son because I have a son. Bingo! I get it now!
Obviously I'm not saying that one needs to have their own children to acquire this understanding for themselves. Because really, there are people that just shouldn't be reproducing. I'd assume that some probably think that about me. Well, guess what- it's too late! I have procreated! My plan for world domination is now in stage 2! Seriously though, my hope is to parlay what I've learned to others.... for free even! You get to read about how awesome kids are in terms of understanding Divine Fatherness, but without the messy diapers and sleepless nights and coughing-that-leads-to-puking episodes...and best of all, to make sure that not a single point is missed, I will be presenting my case in Vintage Victorian era 3-pt. Sermon Format!
Those who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God. For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. And by him we cry, "Abba Father"- Romans 8:14-15
Now let me make this very clear- I am not going to be approaching this daddy idea from the adolescent childview. Adolescents would be like, 'Hey Dad, you own all the cattle on a thousand hills, can I borrow the car and $20?'. And God would be like 'Clean your room, which in this case is your heart', and the adolescent would throw a tantrum and get grounded. Who wants to hear about that? Besides, a) I have no experience with adolescent children- well, that's not entirely true, Sara and I ran a group home for over a year...but those exeriences are best labeled as 'dysfunctional', and b) I myself am in fact grounded, so my response would be tainted with teenage 'wisdom' (read:bitterness) about the situation.
Besides, compared to a God of infinite wisdom and power, I'm not so sure that we even really get to adolescence...I think that we are always meant to be wide-eyed children, full of anticipation and wonder, with faith in the impossible and hearts that desire only to make our parents proud. And that is what God has shown me through my own children.
First off (this is point #1 for those of you who are not familiar with Vintage Victorian 3 pt. format), God is proud of our accomplishments. I've played drums for about 9 years, often in a church setting, and I've often struggled with what to say/feel when people told me I did a good job. I mean, it feels good to have people tell me that I did a good job, or that I sounded good...but then I'm thinking, 'well, I'm doing this for God, I shouldn't be accepting compliments, should I?', and then I feel like crap. Then we had Delaney and Shane...and let me just tell you that kids are black holes of discovery. It's like something new, every day, and they just want to tell you about it- they're so proud of themselves. And you know what? They get even more joy from sharing those experiences with us. I remember the first few times that Delaney went pee on the potty...she'd look up at me, this big smile on her face, beaming...she was so proud of herself, but even more so she just wanted to share that with me, as her daddy. And I beamed right back, because I was proud of her too, proud of what she was accomplishing. Her joy brings me joy. So now, when people tell me how good I sounded or whatever, I don't cringe, I don't feel shame or confusion. I say 'Thanks', and then I go to my Daddy in pride of my baby steps, and He beams with me. God created us, and He delights in us and what we do for Him.
2) (this is the second point)- God's heart hurts when we aren't affectionate with Him. Delaney has never been super affectionate (although she is definitely growing more in that direction, she still doesn't often spontaneously show affection). Now I love my daughter, and I know she loves me, even without the kisses. But it does make me sad when she spurns my requests for a kiss or a hug. It hurts me, you know? Because I just want to be as close to her as I can at all times, because I love her so much. And I think that God feels the same way about us. I mean, we can love God without being 'affectionate'...and it could still be a great relationship...but it isn't the same. There isn't that magic. Our relationship with the Lord will never be all it can be if we don't sponaneously give Him our kisses and affection.
Obviously, we can't 'kiss' God. I can't even tell you what I mean necessarily. I think it's different for each person, how we're affectionate with God. Just pray about it...I'll bet that Daddy God has something in mind, because He delights in us and wants to be affectionate with us.
Finally, (yes, this is the third point. If you haven't figured it out by now, then I just can't help you) God doesn't delight in our suffering. Let me show you via real-life example (a classic method used often in 3 pt. AND 4 pt. sermon formats, but not as often delved into in the 2 pt. Or Less format). Delaney has settled into a bed time routine now. Sara takes her down, reads a book or two, sings a song or two, then she comes to the bottom of the stairs and calls up to me 'she's ready for you' (she heard Sara say that once and she's said it ever since...it makes my heart smile every time). I go down and sing her a couple songs, and then I tell her good night, and she reciprocates, and we keep saying good night to each other until I'm out of the door. Between 7:30 and 8:00 each night, the Parks household rests in peace.
But it wasn't always this way. I have vivid memories of Delaney screaming for 'one more song', standing at the door, crying 'Daddy where are you?', trying to pull the door open, kicking the door, yelling...and I wanted nothing more than to go in there and wrap my arms around her and tell her it was going to be okay. I wanted to sing that one more song, to let her know that I was there and that I always would be. But I knew that wasn't what she needed. I knew that giving in during those moments would set precedent that would become daily more difficult and that I would become resentful as she increasingly ate into our evenings, wearing us out and bringing stressful nights to our home.
Now I'm not saying that God will become stressed out if we don't suffer. I am saying that God allows us to go through painful experiences for our own good. If we hadn't made those short term sacrifices, then Delaney would not have such a smooth bedtime routine now. If God didn't allow us to go through tough times, then we wouldn't become people of character, we wouldn't be able to stand before Him in His Holiness. And through every disaster we go through, I'm willing to bet all that I have that God is watching us, wanting more than anything to come to our rescue, knowing that He needs to let us go through it but wanting to be our comforter.
To me, the whole argument of 'how could a loving God allow so much suffering and evil in the world?' doesn't hold up. You want to call me sick for believing in a God that allows suffering, but yet what is the alternative? That random chance, or else natural selection, determines the course of suffering? That we live in a world governed by the survival of the strong? Where is the hope in that? Answer- there is no hope. There is no repreive. All then is pointless. Because humanity becomes merely then an animal, doomed to struggle to survive for our meager lives until we die.
Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these.- Matthew 6:24-29
I don't understand God all the time, and there are definitely questions I have about the Bible...but I know that God is there, is real, and loves me, and will work all things together for my good. Even when the world rages and thrashes in its death throes, I hold onto a stable, steady force that is beyond my control or understanding, yet reaches for me to bring me to safety. This is what fatherhood has taught me about Daddy God. It has completely rocked my world, and allowed me to view the eternal God in a comletely different way. He is not unapproachable...He wants us to come to Him, jump in to His arms, and snuggle with Him. He doesn't promise us ease...but we have safety in the arms of our Daddy.
Beaver Cleaver- http://www.michaelssword.blogspot.com/
Tombstone- http://www.cartoonstock.com/lowres/rjo0665l.jpg
Sunday, January 4, 2009
New Years revolutions!
Well, Happy New Years! I guess our computers didn't crash, so Y2K was wrong after all! Ha! Take that, 'experts'!
It's a bittersweet week, to be sure. It's the first full week of 2009, which brings fresh hope...but it's also the first full week of the last 4 months of my 20's. That's right folks...I'm gonna be 30 this year....
And the happy go-lucky Jason you've all come to know and loathe..er, love will be a thing of the past...dead, decayed, muscleless, without tendon or nervous system, skin or any other bodily system...replaced by hardened, complacent, bone Jason. I mean, I won't even have cartilage! Metaphorically speaking, anyways.
Okay, okay, I'm overreacting a little bit. I was recently diagnosed with Overreactive Attachment Disorder by Sara...it's not a pretty thing and has a 100% fatality rate. Well, that's not true actually. I diagnosed Sara with Overreactive Attachment Disorder. And it has a 0% fatality rate. But you know what has a 100% fatality rate? Death. That's right, tell your friends. Death is the #1 killer in America, and somewhere in the top three in Europe (they didn't submit their statistics in time, so I'm just making a guess based on last years results).
Anyways, I'm getting WAY off track...this was supposed to be just a short intro to my actual post about New Years resolutions.
How many of you set New Years resolutions this year just because you were forced to? Okay, you can put your hands down. See, New Years resolutions were fashioned by 'The Man' as a form of social control. We spend the Holidays resting, relaxing, indulging...all of which may or may not have been ordained by God as legitimate expressions of Holidayness. But 'The Man' didn't like that. He didn't like giving 'paid time off' and things of that nature. So New Years resolutions were devised deep in the dark dungeons of 'The Establishment', which is actually in a Holiday Inn.
Probably not this Holiday Inn though, because it is located in Marquette, Michigan, which is the birthplace of very little.
New Years resolutions are like lurking vultures that stand on our shoulders, striking us down with deadly talons of 'commitment' and their fangs of 'change'. Really, does anyone know anyone that has actually KEPT their resolutions for an entire year? I'm the most successful person I know; last year, I actually kept one of my resolutions for 11 days, which I believe is in the Guiness Book of World Records
If you look REALLY closely through those ugly glasses, you can even see the entry. It's on page 141....or maybe it's on a different page. I didn't really get a specific number from the guy before he hung up on me.
Well, this year, I had an epiphany of sorts. I decided that I was going to single handedly take on the system. Oh, I made a New Years resolution...there is no sense in trying an up-front assault when getting in through the back door is much more effective, and has better scenery.
My New Years resolution? To have no New Years resolutions. Now, you might say, well isn't that a contradiction? Alright Mr. Smartypants, thanks for blowing it! That's why I didn't tell you my plan before New Years, or else I would have been dragged off by the vultures and forced into a weight loss program. Or something far, far worse...to watch a 'Land Before Time' marathon.
You're right. It is a contradiction. But I had the tactic of diversion on my side. I faithfully submitted it to the powers-that-be ten minutes before New Years, so they didn't really have time to look it over...they just stamped it and said 'Make sure you keep your resolution or else you will have to do something horrible like listen to the Janet Jackson Anthology'.
Lo and behold, I defeated the mighty system! My New Years resolution was instantly broken. Bam! Presto! At 12:00 and 1 second, I had officially broken my New Years resolution. And you know what I felt? FREEDOM! The freedom that can only come from beating the system, or having your insides cut out with crudely fashioned instruments of torture.
'Okay guys, this is where we all turn up our kilts and show our heinies to the bad guys. I just want to warn you guys that there is nothing more disgusting than looking at or smelling a man's butt, so when you all bend over, you should close your eyes and pray that you do not die from the instant exposure of the stench of 30,000 unclean Scot arses'
I'm not bound by any sort of 'code' or 'notion' that I have to adhere to some self-imposed living standards that are going to be obsolete before February. I am better than that. So what am I going to do with my year?
Well, now that I'm free from resolutions, I'm proposing a revolution, by setting New Years GOALS...which are completely different from resolutions. Setting a goal is basically making a committment to change some habit or aspect of lifestyle to be more positive.
My goals for the year are to lose 5 pounds a month, waste less time on trivial pursuits like video games, and to cut out sweets. I know that this sounds like resolutions, but believe me. They're not, they're completely different.
New Years resolututions are a way of supressing our individuality, and making us feel as though we are inferior to what we really are. But I've seen the light. I've seen the ugly tyrant for what it is, and I have decided to fight back. You say resolution...I say reVOlution! Instead of New Years resolutions, set New Years goals and turn the system on its head. Trust me, you'll feel better for it.
Tune in next time as I either talk about the 2006 NFL draft through the eyes of the hype machine or else tackle God as Daddy in 3 point sermon format!
Skull pic http://www.diamondvues.com/skull.jpg
Guiness pic http://img.tesco.com/pi/Books/L/67/9781904994367.jpg
Holiday Inn- http://www.roadsideamerica.com/hotels_motels/images-hotel/h17878/1.jpg
Braveheart pic- http://www.dga.org/news/mag_archives/v21-1/braveheart.jpg
It's a bittersweet week, to be sure. It's the first full week of 2009, which brings fresh hope...but it's also the first full week of the last 4 months of my 20's. That's right folks...I'm gonna be 30 this year....
And the happy go-lucky Jason you've all come to know and loathe..er, love will be a thing of the past...dead, decayed, muscleless, without tendon or nervous system, skin or any other bodily system...replaced by hardened, complacent, bone Jason. I mean, I won't even have cartilage! Metaphorically speaking, anyways.
Okay, okay, I'm overreacting a little bit. I was recently diagnosed with Overreactive Attachment Disorder by Sara...it's not a pretty thing and has a 100% fatality rate. Well, that's not true actually. I diagnosed Sara with Overreactive Attachment Disorder. And it has a 0% fatality rate. But you know what has a 100% fatality rate? Death. That's right, tell your friends. Death is the #1 killer in America, and somewhere in the top three in Europe (they didn't submit their statistics in time, so I'm just making a guess based on last years results).
Anyways, I'm getting WAY off track...this was supposed to be just a short intro to my actual post about New Years resolutions.
How many of you set New Years resolutions this year just because you were forced to? Okay, you can put your hands down. See, New Years resolutions were fashioned by 'The Man' as a form of social control. We spend the Holidays resting, relaxing, indulging...all of which may or may not have been ordained by God as legitimate expressions of Holidayness. But 'The Man' didn't like that. He didn't like giving 'paid time off' and things of that nature. So New Years resolutions were devised deep in the dark dungeons of 'The Establishment', which is actually in a Holiday Inn.
Probably not this Holiday Inn though, because it is located in Marquette, Michigan, which is the birthplace of very little.
New Years resolutions are like lurking vultures that stand on our shoulders, striking us down with deadly talons of 'commitment' and their fangs of 'change'. Really, does anyone know anyone that has actually KEPT their resolutions for an entire year? I'm the most successful person I know; last year, I actually kept one of my resolutions for 11 days, which I believe is in the Guiness Book of World Records
If you look REALLY closely through those ugly glasses, you can even see the entry. It's on page 141....or maybe it's on a different page. I didn't really get a specific number from the guy before he hung up on me.
Well, this year, I had an epiphany of sorts. I decided that I was going to single handedly take on the system. Oh, I made a New Years resolution...there is no sense in trying an up-front assault when getting in through the back door is much more effective, and has better scenery.
My New Years resolution? To have no New Years resolutions. Now, you might say, well isn't that a contradiction? Alright Mr. Smartypants, thanks for blowing it! That's why I didn't tell you my plan before New Years, or else I would have been dragged off by the vultures and forced into a weight loss program. Or something far, far worse...to watch a 'Land Before Time' marathon.
You're right. It is a contradiction. But I had the tactic of diversion on my side. I faithfully submitted it to the powers-that-be ten minutes before New Years, so they didn't really have time to look it over...they just stamped it and said 'Make sure you keep your resolution or else you will have to do something horrible like listen to the Janet Jackson Anthology'.
Lo and behold, I defeated the mighty system! My New Years resolution was instantly broken. Bam! Presto! At 12:00 and 1 second, I had officially broken my New Years resolution. And you know what I felt? FREEDOM! The freedom that can only come from beating the system, or having your insides cut out with crudely fashioned instruments of torture.
'Okay guys, this is where we all turn up our kilts and show our heinies to the bad guys. I just want to warn you guys that there is nothing more disgusting than looking at or smelling a man's butt, so when you all bend over, you should close your eyes and pray that you do not die from the instant exposure of the stench of 30,000 unclean Scot arses'
I'm not bound by any sort of 'code' or 'notion' that I have to adhere to some self-imposed living standards that are going to be obsolete before February. I am better than that. So what am I going to do with my year?
Well, now that I'm free from resolutions, I'm proposing a revolution, by setting New Years GOALS...which are completely different from resolutions. Setting a goal is basically making a committment to change some habit or aspect of lifestyle to be more positive.
My goals for the year are to lose 5 pounds a month, waste less time on trivial pursuits like video games, and to cut out sweets. I know that this sounds like resolutions, but believe me. They're not, they're completely different.
New Years resolututions are a way of supressing our individuality, and making us feel as though we are inferior to what we really are. But I've seen the light. I've seen the ugly tyrant for what it is, and I have decided to fight back. You say resolution...I say reVOlution! Instead of New Years resolutions, set New Years goals and turn the system on its head. Trust me, you'll feel better for it.
Tune in next time as I either talk about the 2006 NFL draft through the eyes of the hype machine or else tackle God as Daddy in 3 point sermon format!
Skull pic http://www.diamondvues.com/skull.jpg
Guiness pic http://img.tesco.com/pi/Books/L/67/9781904994367.jpg
Holiday Inn- http://www.roadsideamerica.com/hotels_motels/images-hotel/h17878/1.jpg
Braveheart pic- http://www.dga.org/news/mag_archives/v21-1/braveheart.jpg
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