Michael Jackson was wrong...

...it DOES matter if you're black and white. Let me explain...

As many of you know, I'm in Social Work program at Northern Michigan University. Some of you don't know that. For those of you that don't know, I am in the Social Work program at Northern Michigan University. Now that everyone is up to speed, we can begin.

Over the past two years, I have taken six social work classes, and I'm taking two more this coming semester. That's normal, and expected. That's not where my beef lies.

My problem with these social work classes lies in the textbooks. They're big, boring, and...black and white! I mean, some of them had some light blue shading, or whatever...but black and white! No color pics, no color graphs, just hundreds upon hundreds of boring pages of information!

If I had known that it was going to be like that, I would have majored in the Alphabet. Or Counting. Even Going Potty Without Missing. Just something to get me some more colored pages!

It's not that I adverse to reading...anyone that knows me knows that I like to read, I'm fairly competent, and that when I was a child calling me a 'bookworm' or a 'nerd' would have been putting it mildly. Some of you don't know that about me. For those of you that haven't known me very long (or at all), I like to read, and I'm fairly competent at it. When I was a child, calling me a 'bookworm' or a 'nerd' would have been putting it mildly. I'm also a fan of redunant repetition for the sake of wasting time. Moving on...

It's sad, because the material is interesting- I mean it's talking about helping people solve their problems, and there aren't too many things more interesting than people's problems. Maybe that's why the books are constructed so boringly- otherwise everyone would want to get in on this action.

It's just that...I have a short attention span. Really, it's a miracle that I've managed to stay somewhat coherently consistent in my journey to get this post done- I'm not quite ADD...although I do think that I fit the classic case of the kid that falls through the cracks...I think that I DO have ADD and that I was tragically misdiagnosed as a child as being 'normal'. There is no way to tell the damage that could have been averted would I have been properly diagnosed.

Compounding the problem is that I have two young children...who don't get really excited when daddy is reading Understanding Generalist Practice to them. I have to get homework done, but you can only string a two year old along for so long with 'wait, maybe there is a graph or a blatantly and poorly posed picture of a happy family on the next page', before they start screaming and ripping pages. So I am left with very specific, small chunks of time to get my reading done.

The problem is that when you add short attention span with finite block of time, and then multiply it colorless, odorless, tasteless text that dissolves instantly in liquid (also known as Iocaine), you get Bang Head Into Wall. This is the formula version:
(Short Attention Span+Finite Block of Time)Colorless, odorless, tasteless text that dissolves instantly in liquid=Bang Head Into Wall.

So if you see walking around with brick-like lacerations on my head, or if I have a series of concussions, or if I just happen to post a random blog entry...there is a reason. I'm just not sure what we're talking about right now.

Eulogy to the Victors, valiant

This post is awesome! I understand this man's reasons for turning his back on his birthright! I'm not sure why I'm screaming!

Holidays are a time for many things, and one of the main thing is self-reflection. It is a time when we tend to look in the mirror and really give ourselves the once over. And I don't think we usually like what we find, hence New Years Resolutions. Comparing ourselves to the ideals of the Christmas season (Love, Sacrifice, Hope, Retail) we often find our own qualities lacking. We decide then that changes need to be made. We make room for the new by sweeping out the old.

It is then with a heavy heart with which I deliver this news- I am no longer going to be a University of Michigan fan.

Now, take a pause to let that sink in. Those of you who really know me know how much I love Michigan football...I love it so much that I get downright angry when they lose. Scratch that- I get downright angry when they throw an incomplete pass! I get very passionate about their successes and failures, and the 1997 National Championship is one of my most cherished football memories, right up there with Charles Woodson and his Heisman and Desmond Howard and his Heisman and Brandent Englemon and his Honorable Mention All-Conference season.


Unfortunately, there have been many more disappointments than appointments...er, um, victories. Two of the most vivid involve the hated Spartans of Michigan. One of them is from 1990, when the then #1 Wolverines lost 28-27 because Desmond Howard was raped in front of over 100,000 people and a two point conversion attempt failed. The second is from 1999, when the Spartan clock operator accidentally thought that 1 second was more like 30 seconds, giving the Spartans time for one last play, which they parlayed into the game winning touchdown. I was so mad that I didn't speak to anyone for the next couple hours. I just sat in the living room, brooding. I also have bitter memories of bowl losses to Washington, Tennessee, Oregon, Texas, and a couple to USC.

Well, in the past couple of months, I've started to reflect. And I've started to think. By the way, the thinking thing has gone on much longer than the past couple of months, smart alecs. There is actually evidence of me thinking as early as 2004 A.D., so hahaha the joke is on you. Anyways, I realized that my intense passion had impacted me to the point where I don't even watch the games anymore because I hate what it does to my mood when they lose. Scratch that, when they blow ONE SINGLE SERIES- I basically explode.

Maybe my expectations are too high- I mean, it's impossible for any team to go undefeated and unscored while scoring on every single one of their possessions...I haven't even managed to pull that off on Xbox, which actually isn't very realistic. But I blame the hype machine for fostering an atmosphere that gives birth to unrealistic expectations.

The fact that Michigan had a losing season and broke a 30+ year bowl game streak is only one thread in a tapestry that has slowly unwoven itself over the past several years and is now a pile of old maize and blue string lying at my feet. The first frays really started in the mid 90's, and our string of four loss seasons. Sure, we were owning the Buckeyes during that time. But why should one victory, even over a hated rival, douse the sting of mediocrity? The 1997 championship provided temporary reprieve, but we followed up that season by losing our first two games of 1998 to Notre Dame and the Donovan McNabb-led Syracuse Stupid Mascot Names. Ugh. More pain.

Watching the Michigan towel boy get leveled in 'Waterboy' and the subsequent LMAO chipped a little more away from the aura of invincibility. A few years ago, I actually stooped to buying a hated Spartan shirt at Steve and Barry's (I still own the shirt, it actually looks fabulous on me). These are things that die-hard fans don't do, and here I was, doing them. But the thing is, I didn't feel dirty. At all. I felt...kinda good.

Once my unfailing devotion to the Wolverines came into question, the curtain fell rather quickly. It was not unaided, however. Tom Brady played a big role in this process. As a Wolverine, I adored Brady, and would have gladdly drank the sweat from his game socks. As a New England Patriot? I would gladly dump gallons of sock-sweat on his pretty-boy face. How could I so callously hate own of the Family? I didn't realize it at the time, but my foundation as a Wolverine had crumbled, to the point where my loyalty to Michigan could be stripped away by something as simple as utter hatred of anything to do with the New England Patriots. Of coures, it doesn't help that over the past few seasons, the Big Ten has been unable to compete on the national scene. Michigan and others have had some scattered success in bowl games and high-profile non-conference games, but there has been this sense that everyone else was taking their games to the next level, while the Big Ten was content to live with this notion of 'Three yards and a cloud of dust'. When we play schools like USC and Texas, it's amazing at how much faster they are than we are. And yeah, we beat Florida last year in the bowl game. Why? Because it was Lloyd's fairwell party. If Lloyd would have been back this past year, I'm pretty confident that Florida would have Tebowed us into submission.

Here's two more reasons. Appalachian State. Toledo. Who? These are two of the teams that have come from completely off the radar to deliver humiliating home losses to the Big House. I mean, do Florida and Texas and Oklahoma lose to 1-AA teams at home? Granted those schools schedule the scum of 1-AA, but they just don't lose those types of games. Not like we have the past two seasons.

But the final straw has been the current Buckeye domination of the Winged Helmets. I know that these things are cyclical, and that in the 90's, we had OSU's number. But when Terrell Pryor turns down a chance to be The Man from day one at Michigan running an offense that was designed by God for his talents to attend the bitter rival...well, that's not cyclical. That's something deeper and more mysterious.

And let's just say that we have another unbeaten season that culminates with a National Championship. What then? What is the point? There is no lasting fruit bore, no spoils to enjoy. The thought always goes to the next season. There is no enjoyment. Next season looms, with its challenges, stresses, and inevitable defeat waiting, lurking. Ugh.

I enjoy watching football, I do. And I find that the most enjoyment that I have is not when I watch Michigan win. No, its when I watch a well played game. It's when I see amazingly awesome big plays. It's when I see hard hits. I like watching upsets, hail marys, goal line stands. These things can happen during any game, at any time, and even more so when I am free of my partisan responsibilities.

Now that I am shedding my emotional millstone, I will be free to enjoy football at any and all times. Sure, when I see Michigan play there will be those feelings of longing. Kinda like when you see an ex girlfriend- you remember the good times, and hope she's doing well, but you can't go back with her because she broke your heart and stole all your records. I'm sure some of you will read this and think I'm overreacting, or that I'm a quitter. 'Wait out the storm', you say, while others might call me a fair weather fan. But you know what? I don't care. Because I'm free. I'm free and I love it.


I'll see ya at the Humanitarian Bowl. Or the Tangerine Bowl. Or the Toilet Bowl. And you'll see me, watching football, having fun, and walking away from it all, smiling.


'Jason, again, I think that you had an excellent post. And even though my first season sucked majorly, and my second season could be just as bad, I can hold a press conference with a smile on my face knowing that I have played a part in pushing away a very loyal fanbase'.


Rich photo #1- blog.nj.com/rutgers_football/2008/06/Rich%20Rodriguez%20Rutgers%20Michigan%20WVU.JPG
Rich photo #2- thewareaglereader.files.wordpress.com/2007/12/rr.jpg

2008 in review

Nation will rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom. There will be famines and earthquakes in various places. All these are the beginning of birth pains- Matthew 24:7-8 (NIV)

You'll hate us 'cause we'll never go away
And like some sort of fungus, we're growing every day
Our knuckles are dragging, I guess that means to say
Our message isn't stopping, till you drag us all away- Steins Theme, Project 86

Well, it's almost over. 2008 will go down in history as one of the worst years in existence. And you know what? I saw it coming. Well, not any specific events. It was more of a sense of extreme New years uncertainty, somewhat like Y2K. You all remember Y2K, don't you?

The difference here though is that Y2K was a buildup of fearful expectation BEFORE the New Year, and it was something that was a known quantity. When I awoke on New Years day 2008 (or maybe in the couple days following...I really need to get better at keeping track of things), I just had this looming sense of dreadful anticipation about the year. Of course, I found out I wasn't the only one at the first service of the year at Waters Edge church. The guy who spoke talked about having many of the same dubieties (this word has been brought to you by dictionary.com) that I had, and that he had talked to others with the same types of feelings! Whoa!

Now let me be clear, that I am not trying to equate myself as any sort of prophet or anything like that. I do fancy myself as someone who can read the writing on the wall, but I'm not a prognosticator, I'm not a fortune teller. I'm no Nostradamus, although I might be more handsome than he was...

Well, the jury is out on that, although his beard obviously puts mine to shame. But still, I'm just plain old me. And while I had nothing to go on but vague suspicions, you can imagine my surprise (and at times horror) when things played out according to my unclear hunch.

Floods in Iowa, a cyclone in Myanmar, earthquake in China. Hurricanes Gustav and Ike, Georgia and Russia in conflict. There were lighter calamaties as well- the Detroit Lions flirting with 0-16, Michigan football having their worst season in U-M history, the Tigers choke job. Back to serious reality, gas prices climbing to over $4 a gallon as the stock market was busy throwing our economy into Depressionesque territory. And it even carried through the holidays, with the Thanksgiving Mumbai terrorist attack, and December Israeli airstrikes. There was also a guy who dressed up as Santa and killed 9 people on Christmas eve.

Is this Doomsday? Man I hope not! I've got 2 little kids, and the prospect of Revelation unveiled in our time is not one that I want to think about, you know? But you can't just ignore the Time Signs either. It's obvious that things are happening in our world, reminding us that we are never truly in control. But God is. Now now, I'm not trying to scare anyone into believing what I believe, because it isn't fair to God and it isn't fair to us as beings of free will. I'm just saying that there is a source of hope for any who have been plagued by the evils of the current global climate. And besides, Jesus offers way more than just heaven.

Aye, fight and you may die. Run, and you'll live... at least a while. And dying in your beds, many years from now, would you be willin' to trade ALL the days, from this day to that, for one chance, just one chance, to come back here and tell our enemies that they may take our lives, but they'll never take... OUR FREEDOM!- William Wallace, Braveheart

Even though I wrestle with fear about the state of our world, I take comfort in seeing confirmation of my faith begin to play out in these dark times, knowing that there is hope despite what the evidence says. Christmas and Easter culminate, and Jesus bringing freedom to us no matter what is going on around us. That's real. That's life. We now return you to your regulary scheduled awesome blog.

So is the world going to end? Are things coming to a head? Is 2008 a Horseman of the Apocalypse? I don't know. Maybe yes. Maybe no. Maybe things will get better. If that happens, I'll be more than happy to eat humble pie. Just be sure that you watch the skies, because it is of upmost importance that we can read the signs of the seasons.

Right now, a line is being drawn in the sand. All of our 'tolerance' and ambiguity have served as a fulcrum of modern culture, leading to a point of no return. We've lived in a morally ambivilent world for far too long, and postmodern relativism has sunk its ugly talons into our backs. We live in a society that praises the concept of all is right UNLESS someone has the balls to proclaim a sense of absolute right. Then they are shunned, mocked, scorned, hated. And I take comfort in the drawing of black lines, because light will always defeat darkness, and good triumphs over evil in the end, even when it does not appear to be so.

Then you will be handed over to be persecuted and put to death, and you will be hated by all nations because of me- Matthew 24:9 (NIV)

Look, I'm not too proud to say that I don't have all the answers. I just don't. But I believe in a God that does. Life is never going to go 'according to plan'...

There is a God, though, that can sort out the chaos and see us through whatever 2009 and beyond is going to bring.

I'd like to wish you all a safe, happy 2009, and blessings on you all!

Y2K pic- www.dabbledoo.com/ee/images/uploads/gamertell/y2k_bomb_thumb.jpg
Nostradamus pic- www.elmonasterio.org/escritos/wp-content/uploads/Nostradamus.JPG
Joker- www.blog.djcream.org/wp-content/uploads/2008/08/wallpaper_heath_ledger_the_joker_1.jpg

All you want for Christmas is to hear from me

First of all, Merry Christmas to all! I assume by now that all of the presents have been opened, the carnage of the paper lies strewn about the living room...usable gifts are being used, new movies and games are being played, breakfast is being eaten...but yet even with all the new toys, clothes, games, and goodies, you just don't feel...satisfied. Empty. It's like something is missing. Your Christmas is not complete.

Well, you can rest easy friends, because I have your missing gift...the Official Red Ryder Carbine-Action Two-Hundred-Shot Range Model Air Rifle under your Christmas tree. And trust me friends, you won't shoot your eye out with this...unless you are an idiot.

So what is this marvelous gift that promises peace on your block, sweet music bumping in your trunk, and lemon bars in your belly? Well, silly, you're reading it! That's right! Now Santa already told me that absolutely no one asked for a blog post from me for Christmas, but I went ahead and assumed that it's what you all really wanted, that you didn't ask for it because you didn't quite know how, and I decided to hunker down and give you what you really wanted, and so here it is! My first ever Christmas blog post!

Now what to blog about...hmmm...how about...I tell you guys what I got for Christmas! That way, if you got less than I did, you can feel blessed to know me, and if you got more than I did, you can feel good about yourself at my expense.

Let's see...we opened gifts at my mom and dads a week ago today, so I might forget some. But here goes...

Office season 1

Office season 4

Office calander

Comfy sweat pants

Socks

Darth Vader for President t-shirt

Dark Knight DVD

Project 86 Christmas EP

Itunes gift card

Earbud headphones

Kingdom Come graphic novel

Watchmen graphic novel

A Willow New Dad statue

A beard trimmer

Frequency DVD

Now obviously there is more to Christmas than the gifts. Last week we spent hanging out with my family, and it was an amazing time, and now we're at the in-laws hanging out enjoying presents and company. I just wanted to get something tangible down for you the loyal reader, and it's much easier to itemize a list of gifts than it is to elaborate on the special times spent with family. But since I do have thoughts (although they are few and far between sometimes), I will share them with you. Hey, it's like a second gift from me!

Here's the deal folks...2008 has been a rocky, topsy turvey year, and hope has been hard to find. The story that Christmas tells is the birth of hope that can carry us through whatever life throws at us. There are no guarantees that 2009 will be any better than 2008, and it might be worse. Let us all take time to pause and reflect on what is really important as we spend time with our families and friends and remember the meaning for this holiday that we celebrate (and if you don't I think you should, because Christmas is my favorite). God bless, and merry Christmas!

Arena Football RIP

I did a guest blog for my dad on his blog. It's pretty phenomenal, I'm not going to lie. Rather than waste precious resources/time, I'm just going to produce a link to the blog instead of reproducing the blog itself. Plus, while you're there, check out his blog! He has many good ideas to fix the Detroit Lions, and other good thoughts as well.

http://drumcoach-rantsraves.blogspot.com/2008/12/arena-football-rip.html

War of the Worlds

You want to know why, if there are alien life forms, they are chomping at the bit to come to Earth? It's because we are weak, and would offer little resistance.

This has nothing to do with our military strength, or our physical attributes, or even placekickers pretending to be football players. It has everything to do with our aversion to inconvenient illnesses.

I was talking to my sister today, who may or may not have pink eye. See? I just wrote the words 'pink' and 'eye' and some of you ran from your computer monitors screaming. A few more of you probably started to build bomb shelters and withdrew all of your money from banks and invested it in cans of beans and water. And one guy for sure just went 'meh' and closed this window. Believe me, he will be dealt with. Right after I get over the sniffles.

Pink eye is contagious for sure. But it isn't deadly. It isn't really painful. It's just...inconvenient. It's a hassle. It makes us look less than glam for a short period of time. It means that we hope that nobody sees us because we look uglier than we already are. And...why do kids get sent home until it clears up?

It would be different if it was ebola. 'Jason, please stay home until your ebola is gone and/or you die, whichever comes first'. Or 'Jason, you have an unknown strain of flesh eating bacteria, and there are National Guardsmen standing on the roof of the school with standing orders to shoot you on sight until we have a note from your doctor'. Those are situations that I can understand. But pink eye? PINK EYE? Maybe if they changed the name, it'd be more understandable. Like, 'Red eye'. Or 'Black eye'. Or 'A Color That We've Never Seen But We're Pretty Sure It's The Harbringer Of Death eye'.

You know how in 'War of the Worlds' the aliens were killing us all until they contracted our diseases and then we won? That's it? The message of the whole movie is this hope that aliens are like we are? That aliens will catch a cold and just want to throw in the towel? We hope that aliens are as resistant to our diseases as we are, because that is the only way we are not going to be exterminated. And really, this is not a good battle plan. Because we call in if we wake up with a runny nose, and curl up on the sofa with a box of Kleenex and a bowl of Ice Cream while we watch Steel Magnolias.

So think about this the next time you want to call in sick because you're 'under the weather'. Are you really sick, or do you just want a day off? Would you be able to defend your family from an alien horde merely by using whatever illness you have? Could you look that alien in the eye and say 'I am more of a man than you'll ever be, unless you are a shapeshifter, and then it's a toss-up'? Probably not. Probably not. Because aliens don't have 'eyes' like we do, and by the time you figured out what the aliens eyes were, he'd have disintegrated you.

And we all lived happily ever after. The end. (I can't think of how to end this post...I was going to leave off with the disintegration remark, but that would have left a sad taste in your mouths...so I figured that if I had a more traditional end that it would make it all better).

It's a Baby Cannon nation, you just live in it.

Well, as many of you probably don't know, or some of you do, last night Baby Cannon had the privilage of recording our first studio EP- Barrel, Powder, Fuse. We recorded at Redfella records in Marquette. It's not Abbey Road, but a newb indy band on a limited budget is not going to turn down a chance to lay down some tracks for $25 an hour. The guy who was supposed to mix us got sick, so the release of the CD is going to be delayed a little bit (we were only able to get a rough mix last night).

Needless to say, I'm excited. So excited that I decided to take notes and bring you a play by play! Actually, it's not a true play by play. I made up most of the times, because, well, as it turns out, I kinda had to set up and play and that just didn't leave much time for paying attention to details. Nonetheless, here is the Artistic Liberty play by play of our studio time for our first album.

4:54- I'm just about on my way out the door to head to the studio, when I get a call from Matt. The guy who was supposed to record and mix us has come down with some rare form of flesh-eating bacteria/zombie virus that he got from taking some Krippin-wonder drug thing, or something to that effect. I may or may not have made that up.

Oh Will, so glad I found you. Listen, I think everybody else is dead or a zombie...so do you know anything about recording and/or mixing?

5:00-5:22- A series of phone calls go back and forth between me, Matt, and somebody else, trying to figure out if we still want to record or not...the owner of Redfella records (who just happened to show up I guess) said he wanted to record us, and actually shaved $10/hour off of the price. During this whole waiting game, I just really felt Peace about it...God makes all things work together for our good, ya know? Like it was weird, just sitting in the chair, feeling completely calm.

5:22- All systems go! Head to the church, where Jesse, Joe, and I waited outside in the freezing cold parking lot while Matt and Jared stopped at McDonalds...thanks a lot guys!

6:00ish- We have about an hour before we're supposed to be at Redfella, so we decide to practice some stuff. Sounds reasonable, right? Well, a little backstory. Pretty much all week, we wrestled for hours and hours on end trying to put a song together (Tower of Babel, one I wrote), and I was just thinking that we should scrap it...but Matt had other ideas. He had cooked up this other-worldly transition while he was, um, 'being inspired' (this is a band inside joke, ergo you are not privy to the meaning...but feel free to laugh if you wish), and after resisting and refusing and boycotting...we tried it, Jared reworked the chorus, and long story short I was humbled and we decided to do the song.

Somewhere around 7:00- We're all packed up, we get to Redfella, unload, and time to set things up! This is really happening!

7:37- I just finished up setting up the drums in a little room in the studio. Picture an outhouse/sauna without the smell, without the vihta, and that's pretty much what I was set up in. Well, at first it didn't smell bad, but after a few hours of being cooped up in a confined space...let's just say I marked my territory and it wasn't pretty.

7:45-8:20- Probably the most fun time of recording is the down time. I mean, playing music is fun, and we didn't pay $25 an hour to go in and shoot the bull, but down time was super awesome. Much of what was said will drift into Inside Joke territory, but I don't want to completely allienate our fan base, so I will spill the gossip beans to those who might cry themselves to sleep at night wondering, 'What does Baby Cannon talk about?'.

Well, we sat around while Jesse played Pokemon on the DS. Um...oh yeah, we talked about Fingernail Trimming etiquitte, because Joe committed the cardinal sin of Fingernail Trimming, which is starting a Trimming session and stopping before completion. We discussed facial hair, and the tendency of my son Shane to rip it off of my face. We delved into the merits of teleportation/telekenisis, and how we could use those abilities to hustle people out of money...kinda like 'White Men Can't Jump', except it'd be 'White Men Can't Traverse Portals Through Other Dimensions', or 'White Men Can't Manipulate Objects With Their Minds'.

Hey Woody, how about 'White Men Can't Wear Pink' ? Hello!

We discovered that Joe does a great Smeagol impression. The problem is, he looks more like an Uruk-hai.

I'm not making this up.

Finally, during prayer we established Matt's Car as the second most popular frequent for the presence of God. So...there. If you want to meet God, ask Matt for a ride.

8:42- Ah, some excitement! Andrew plugs in a pre-amp, and it almost catches on fire. We appreciate pyrotechnics, but I think it's a little much for a studio session...unless somehow we can make it so that everytime someone listens to our CD, things start to smoke.

Remember kids, only you can prevent Music Studio Fires

9:21- Mmmmm...Chicken McNuggets!

9:25- Go time!

10:10- After almost an hour, we have managed to slosh our way through 'Tower of Babel', and I'm impressed...it has many elements that I envisioned when I wrote the song, but Baby Cannon took it to completely new levels. I love these guys! Anyhow, Matt and I are now doing vocals. I feel like the singer guy on 'Real Men of Genius'.

10:29- We are finally done with 'Tower of Babel'. At the current rate, we will be done recording at 5:00 a.m.

From here though, it's pretty much a breeze. We practiced our other songs for many many hours, and so in the next 3 hours, we manage to nail down our other 6 songs. There isn't much to tell...partially because of our singular focus, partly because we're all so flippin' tired.

2:30- As it stands right now, the final mix is not done, and of course there are a ton of little mistakes that we (and other musicians) will be able to pick out...but overall it sounds great!

Hopefully we'll get some gigs when the next semester starts, and we can start to take this to another level...I appreciate all of you who have and will support our band...it might be cliche', but really if a band does not have fans, then it is a garage band...so thanks! We love our fans! And to show how much we love our fans, I've included some bonus Behind-The Scenes shots of Baby Cannon in the studio! Woohoo!

Me rockin' the drums. Not a posed picture at all.

Matt. Again, this picture is in no way faked or 'posed', but is obviously an intense live action moment caught on film because I am an awesome photographer.

Jesse playing Pokemon. Get that level 30 Charzard, dude!

Jared and Joe. Um, can't really think of a funny caption. Sorry guys.

Baby Cannon and our CD!

God bless, we'll see ya on the flip side

Another list

It's funny how a mere shift in format has completely altered my perception of these 'lists'. When they were just an e-mail thing, I would quickly delete them and try to eliminate the memories through therapy- they were just horrible. Not 'Hostel' horrible...more like 'Critters' horrible...I mean they were stupid and insignificant, but still a little stomach turning. Not anymore though.

Now that I have a blog, I'm rolling in these things. Probably because they give a great chance for an easy post...most of the work is already done for me. I am merely a slave to the questions, but then I do some sort of crazy escape and I wrap my handcuffs around the list and say 'alright, who's asking the questions now?'. Of course, I'm still not asking the questions...I'm just stalling for time until the escape chopper arrives. Now, on to the list...



1. Where is your cell phone? With my significant other.

2. Your significant other? With my cell phone.

3. Your hair? Let me check....yup, still on my head.

4. Your mother? In league with the mafia, currently planning a hit on the Teletubbies.

5. Your father? Ruler of a small country in Southeast Asia.

6. Your favorite thing? My kids.

7.Your dream last night? I dreamt about having a goal.

8. Your favorite drink? Water.

9. Your dream/goal? My goal wass to have a dream about having a goal. Since I achieved that last night, I am probably just going to retire.

10. What room are you in? The Batcave.

11. Your hobby? Music.

12. Your fear? Drowning. Or peeing my pants. Although, I think if I peed my pants while drowning, I would actually somewhat relieved.

13. Where do you want to be in 6 years? I have a very detailed and ornate plan for the next six years of my life. Unfortunately, I lost it.

15. Something that you aren't? Cliche'

16. Muffins? Poppyseed, it's my masking agent for drug tests.

17. Wish list item? I wish I had a wish list.

18. Where you grew up? Oil City. It's not as big as it sounds.

19. Last thing you did? Answered question 18.

20. What are you wearing? A U-M longsleeve T-shirt and jeans. Oh, and glasses.

21. Your TV? In geosynchronos orbit over your mom. OOOOOOOOOO!

22. Your pets? I believe that it is not appropriate for man to subjugate animals against their will. Also, it's not allowed at our apartment complex.

23. Friends? They pay a monthly tribute, and in return I offer them my protection.

24. Your life? I'm doing what God intended for me to do, and I'm learning and growing every day. I have a beautiful wife and two amazing children. I'm in a band that rocks. I literally cannot complain.

25. Your mood? Somber, depressed, blue. No, I'm just kidding. I'm just tired.

26. Missing someone? Uh huh.

27. Your car? I'm not sure if my car is missing anyone or not. I don't speak car.

28. Something you're not wearing? Lumberjack attire. Or a thong. Actually, they're the same thing.

29. Your favorite store? Target.

32. Your favorite color? Clear

33. When is the last time you laughed? I don't have too many specifics, but I'm told it was a cold windy day in November of '85.

34. Last time you cried? Same day.

35. One place that I go to over and over: The john, AKA the loo

36. One person who emails me regularly: People trying to get me to check out crap that I don't need.

37. My favorite place to eat- Home.

I'll have another list soon...because I guarantee that you can't wait!

Okay so I lied again

If you haven't figured this out yet, I tend to lie. Well, not lie. Stretch the truth. Or fudge the details. Or run into unforseen circumstances that necessitate the altering of the facts. Whatever the case, I am posting a day after I posted that I wouldn't be posting until Virgin week was over. We will now pause for your despair.

Now that you have recovered, you have probably realized 'OMG- I get to read another post before Christmas! Yah!'. If you haven't realized this, you might be on the naughty list. Not just my naughty list. THE naughty list. So check yourself. You onboard? Good.

So my mom sent me one of those stupid e-mail questionaires that has nothing to do with anything. But they can be fun- it's just a pain in the butt to copy, then paste, then change all the answers.

That's what I'm going to do. I copied. Now I'm going to paste. Then I'm going to change the answers. This way, you will all be able to learn ridiculously trivial facts about my opinions, instead of just my mom who sent me the e-mail. Aren't blogs great?

1. Wrapping paper or gift bags? Wrapping paper. Gift bags suck, and take no effort. Why not just hand them the present. Or better yet, a gift card? Or better yet yet, just give them the money, you lazy jerk!
2. Real tree or Artificial? Artificial. Real things are fire hazards.
3. When do you put up the tree? This year it was like November 10th or something, whenever the first snow happened. I was illegimately inpregnated with Christmas spirit that night. It's not something I like to talk about.
4. When do you take the tree down? New Years dayish.
5. Do you like Egg Nog? Hell yeah! I enjoy regular egg nog, soy milk egg nog (which tastes better than you think it might), and recently, pumpkin egg nog.
6. Favorite gift received as a child? I remember getting a robot as a kid. I don't know if it was my favorite or not, but I remember it, so it is the favorite by default.
7. hardest person to buy for? Any dad I've ever had to buy for. Seriously, is there this thing that happens to men when they inpregnate a woman? Like a transformation of DNA, that all love of material things melts away and is replaced by a desire to always ask for ties, tools, and some other third thing? Any thing that dads want that the average shopper could actually find has already been purchased throughout the year by the dad. By the way, if any of you reading this want to know if this Dad transformation has happened to me, let me know and I will e-mail you my wants list from Wishpot.com. You can then buy me something from that list and see if I enjoy it or not.
8. Easiest person to buy for? Delaney and Shane. Man, I am going to milk the excitement of opening diapers and wipes on Christmas for all its worth.
9. Do you have a nativity scene? No. I'll probably wait until my mom is not looking, and then take one of the 8-10 that she has.
10. Mail or email Christmas cards? Mail (when I do), but I get really pissed at the people that just send a card with their signatures on it. No message? No memo? No 'Jason, I love you, and because of that, I spent money on a piece of cardboard and an envelope and a stamp to let you know that'? If you aren't going to write a message, then don't even bother sending a card. Which is what I do.
11. Worst Christmas gift you ever received? An enema. I've never actually gotten that for Christmas, but I imagine it would be really bad.
12. Favorite Christmas Movie? Hmmm...I smell a future blog post, categorizing different types of Christmas movies! For now, suffice it to say National Lampoons Christmas Vacation.
13. When do you start shopping for Christmas? Whenever I start thinking about it, but I usually try to be done before December hits. That didn't happen this year though :(
14. Have you ever recycled a Christmas present? Do they mean recycle? Or regift? Huge difference. Until I have more information, I cannot answer this question.
15. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas? I like the taste of reindeer meat soaked in a red wine sauce.
16. Lights on the tree? Yes. I miss the asbestos laced large colored glass bulbs of my childhood, but I have come to grips with the wussy lights that they make nowadays.
17. Favorite Christmas song? My Christmas List by Simple Plan.
18. Travel at Christmas or stay home? Being married with children, you do both.
19. Can you name all of Santa's reindeer's? No, they have already been named. I don't lose any sleep over this, I think that to change their names at this stage of the game would just provide unnecessary confusion.
20. Angel on the tree top or a star? We have a little stocking hat that is our star.
21. Open the presents Christmas Eve or morning? On Christmas day.
22. Most annoying thing about this time of the year? The fact that radio stations don't start playing all Christmas music as early as they used to.
23. Favorite ornament theme or color? Awesome.
24. Favorite for Christmas dinner? See answer to question 15.
25. What do you want for Christmas this year? Check out my wishpot.com list!
26. Who is most likely to respond to this? Everybody, because I have thus inspired you to waste 15 minutes of your busy lives to answer these trivial questions.

I do wish everyone a merry Christmas/Hanukkah/Kwanza/Boxing Day/Holiday/Festivus/Exam Week!

In the olden days, there was no incentive to be a beautiful virgin maiden

'Hey guys'.

'Hey Kracken'.

Well, it's here. EXAM week. Blech...

It's the equivalent of a chastity belt wedgie- when the wedgie giver (in this case, the teachers) take what is supposed to keep us pure and protect us (our schooling) and use it to cause us discomfort and suffering.

Alright, I'll have one virgin maiden on white, with a side of mutton and a large milkshake...

On second thought, just give me a cow.

It's like in the olden days, when they used to leave the beautiful virgin maidens chained to large rocks, and a monster would come along and eat the maiden and save the town. Exam week has to be like the week before that moment. I mean, you know that this sacrifice is going to pay off by appeasing the 'monster' (society), but you know it's going to be painful and that you might end up being eaten. This is how her week probably goes, and if you are able to read between the lines, you might be able to pick up some of the comparisons that I alluded to.

Day 1 (Monday)- The virgin knows what's coming, and realizes that it's her last week to be alive. But its Monday, man! The virgin just sits around her apartment playing Xbox 360, thinking to herself, 'well, I still have 4 days'.

Day 2 (Tuesday)- Tuesday is the worst day of the week. Mondays have hope potential, even though they always suck. Wednesdays are the middle, and the end is in sight. Thursday, the end is, well, tomorrow! And Friday is pay day. But Tuesday? Nothing. The virgin doesn't even bother to get out of bed she's so depressed. Not because she knows she will be monster food in 3 days, but because it is Tuesday.

Day 3 (Wednesday)- Ahh, Wednesday...hump day. But this is a virgin we're talking about, and if she isn't a virgin when the monster eats her, the monster will be mad and then eat the whole town. So instead, our virgin sits in her apartment watching reruns of Taxi and doing crossword puzzles.

Day 4 (Thursday)- OH CRAP! The end is tomorrow...so the virgin starts to read the 4 chapter-200 pages of Social Welfare Policy that should have been read throught the last third of the semester, but weren't because the virgin wanted to focus on other exploits, and was really hoping that someone would have killed the monster by now. Of course, this reading is boring, so she goes to the coffee shop to spend some time with her friends and family, followed by hours of mindless internet surfing.

Day 5 (Friday)- Well, it's here. The virgin tries to console herself. 'How hard can it be? I mean, the monster just picks me up, eats me, the town is saved'. The town people don't tell you that this is a monster with manners...a mannster, if you will, and that you will be served over 6 courses. They are content to watch you parade down the long road to the middle of nowhere, because you are providing them with a future.

Now, you might be thinking that this is a little bit of a stretch. I mean, comparing exam week to virgin sacrifice? How are those two things even remotely close? And you're right...I think I would much rather be a virgin sacrifice. I mean, THIS IS EXAM WEEK FOR CRYING OUT LOUD (if this blog post had a commentary along with it, I would point out that I didn't turn on the caps lock until I started to type the word 'crying', and then me and the other people doing the commentary with me would start laughing and then we would get on a random tangent...and about 30 minutes later we would remember that we were supposed to be providing commentary. But it would be too late, because the monster would have already eaten us).

Exam week is a black cloud in a blacker sky. Exam week is impervious to pain. It is cruel and ruthless. It hears our cries, our laments, and it laughs at us to our face. Exam week breaks bones, and then uses those bones as toothpicks. It shows no mercy. Exam week is the Chuck Norris of abstract concepts. They say what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Exam week kills you, no matter how strong you are.

I think this will be my last post before exams are done...the next couple weeks are going to be busy, busy, busy. In addition to doing the aforementioned reading/studying (for my ONE exam on FRIDAY...don't even get me started on that one), I'm going to be practicing with my awesome band Baby Cannon, getting ready to lay down some stuff in a studio (the day before my exam), and practicing/playing on Saturday with my awesome worship team. I'll also have to work a couple days in there as well.

During break, I'll definitely be catching up. I want to share some thoughts on God as our daddy. I'll let you guys know how recording went. I'll rank the superhero movies according to casting jobs. I'll share some frustrations I've been having with the world. I'll try to get a post done ranking my favorite Ben and Jerry's flavors. There may be more, there may be less. Thank you for reading so far...I've really enjoyed blogging so far, and I've gotten a lot of positive feedback...and the people that gave me negative feedback have been 'taken care of'. By taken care of, I mean 'disposed of'. And by 'disposed of', I mean that I asked them what I could do better next time, and thanked them for their input.

God bless, see ya in a couple weeks!