(I feel like I should point out here that I am not taking this post in a serious direction...although I think this intro paragraph is very good, and would fit very well in a blog post I was thinking about doing about the very power of words and definitions, I will save that for another day)
The letter 'E'. The mother of all letters, the most popular letter in the English language...shoot, 'English' starts with an 'E'! We've all played Hangman, and 'E' is one of those sacred fish-in-a-barrel letters that you guess first...after all, lots of words have an 'E'! Why mess around and risk getting hanged, right? What letter is most prominent in Scrabble? You guessed it- 'E'.
But I have a problem with the letter 'E'- I think it is overrated. Not only that, I find it to be the parasite of the alphabet, latching on to any word it can sink its bloody claws into. I find it no coincidence that the word 'evil' begins with the letter 'E'. Also, 'Ebola', enemy' , and 'enema'. All start with 'E'. Oh, and 'Ewok'. 'Ewok' starts with 'E'.
The letter 'E' will eat you easily every chance it gets. 'E' is everywhere. The end.
We are enablers. By allowing the letter 'E' to attach itself to the end of words that have no need of a letter 'E' (cape, rune, made, bite, slime, hate, shame, use, sludge, dude), we have basically surrendered our Constitutional-given right to bear arms! I mean, to vote! I mean...well maybe I'm thinking of the Declaration of Independence. Life? Liberty? Pursuit of Happiness? Ever heard of 'em? While we were busy enjoying elephants and egg nog, the letter 'E' infiltrated our language, brainwashed our teachers, and left us for dead on the doorstep. How's that for independence?
If we are not careful, the letter E will soon be in position to take over. As in, everything. Our economy is in peril. Employment is falling. People don't have enough to eat. Educational systems have failed us, and even our entertainment industry is falling apart. I don't have time to go into details here, but suffice it to say that I have known of this sinister plot by the letter 'E' for quite some time. And I know how to stop it.
No no no, it's not the Wi. It's the Wii. Notice the difference the second 'I' makes.
Thanks to our friends in Japan, we have our weapon against 'E'. Or should I say, wii have our anti-E weapon. The letter E has bullied us and forced us to believe the lie that our language will fall apart without its' existence. Friends, nothing can be further from the truth. Our language not only can survive, but it can thrive. Wii do not need the letter 'E'...the letter 'E' needs us. Shoot, even Wikipedia, the bastion of truth, declares that silent E has not always been around. If Wikipedia says something, you know you can take it to the bank.
Join with me, brothers. There is a war coming. The letter 'E' sweeps over the land, the silent killer, the black plague. It taunts us every time we hit the spellcheck button. Damn. Forgot the 'E' at the end of 'plague'. But hidden deep inside of our alphabet is buried the foil for this tyrant- the letter 'Y'. Well, and the letter 'I', also. Technically the letter 'A' too, I guess. These letters have the intestinal fortitude to not only conquer the letter 'E', but to make sure that it never returns.
We can win this war. There will be casualties- maybe your favorite word or name will have to be killed. But when it rises, it will be clean, free from the stain of the illegitimate letter that has contaminated our whole language system. Imagine, if you will, a 25 letter alphabet working together in unison and harmony, with no letters fighting for dominance, no posturing amongst them- 25 letters, working as 1 letter. John Lennon sang the song 'Imagine', but I submit that his vision of world peace was perhaps a bit shortsighted. For see John, you cannot have peace and the letter 'E' in the same sentence. Sing with me: Imagine there's no 'E's...I wonder if you can...
(I will end with this phrase, meant to be chanted repeatedly until a state of frothing frenzy is achieved, at which point I am not responsible for what may or may not happen) Down with 'E'!
PICS-
Letter E- http://www.learningtreasures.com/suite101/Letter_E.jpg
Wii- http://www.techdigest.tv/wii.jpg
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