WCW:
Michael Jackson vs Tim Tebow. I don't know if this is going to be a feud or like a wrestling one-night stand. You know, like a 'Hey, I wrestle. You wrestle. We both need a match. Why don't we just wrestle each other?'-type of hook up. It'd be a cool feud though. Nay, it would be a HIStorical feud. Get it? HIStorical? Because Michael Jackson has a CD named HIStory...and their feud would be historohnevermind
In the end, Michael Jackson defeated God's H-back via submission. Yes, you read that correctly.
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| This guy... |
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| ...made this guy tap out. Who says video game wrestling isn't real? |
Empire (Of Pain) vs Avengers
If this doesn't become a full-blown feud, then gosh darn it I'm going to make it one. Let us count the reasons why:
1) It's a tag team of freaking Sith Lords and they come into the ring to the Imperial march, which is only one of the baddest assest pieces of film score ever.
2) It's a tag team of the freaking Avengers, or at least the cool ones.
3) It's freaking destined to be.
So....that's like 3 reasons why. But that's like, 300% more reasons than I have for most of the things that I do.
These tag team entrances are the greatest thing ever, if I do say so myself. As mentioned, you have the two coolest Sith Lords ever, Imperially marching up the aisles to a raining cascade of kayfabe boos while the Avengers come out with Captain America riding in a jeep and waving the American flag while exhorting the crowd to stand up and get their 'Americuh' on.
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| Pictured: Getting your 'Americuh' on |
Beth Phoenix vs One of the Bella twins
A couple of real wrestlers, albeit female ones. Not that females can't be real wrestlers, I just...(shutting up). Really the only reason that I kept any of the Divas (WWE's word, not mine) is because Delaney made her own wrestler and the game won't let girls and guys come to blows in the ring.
If I can wax a bit serious here- I'm not sure what to think about the whole 'women wrestler' thing. I feel like if it were to be done correctly, it could be empoweringish to women, but in its current state it seems to go about as far as you can in the opposite direction. That is, they give the girls just enough time to trot out in their skimpy outfits and do their sultry dances for the hornball male viewers and maybe even do a wrestling move or two before getting shuffled off to the back to look pretty in cheesy skits.
Nonetheless, I'm okay with letting Delaney use her created wrestler (for future reference, a CAW) to wrestle some matches in this game. I do think there is some value in trying to ingrain in her early on that, short of peeing while standing and refusing to ask for directions, there aren't many things that men should have sole propriety over.
Rorschach vs Carnage
This match ended in a draw, thanks to some interference by the Red Hulk, who came hauling out from backstage to deliver a pair of One-handed Spinebusters to the incognizant heroes.
I absolutely love interfering on this game. With the simple push of the triangle button, you have a Hammy-on-steroids-laced-caffeine way to start a feud or give a desired feud a HUGE boost. Interference also seems to help wrestlers to quickly climb the championship ranking system. For example, Rorschach, who in our match today played the part of someone getting spinebusted, actually climbed 26 spots on the WCW Heavyweight belt list. Meanwhile, Tim Tebow dropped 5 spots. Although he did lose to a guy who couldn't even out-agonistic Paul McCartney.
The moral of the story, kids? There is more honor in getting cheap-shotted by the Red Hulk than there is in being forced to submit to the guy who had sleepovers with Kevin McCallister.
Hulk vs Dolph Ziggler
Ziggler is one of the only real wrestlers in my WCW. I don't know if it's because he was a member of the Spirit Squad and I'm just overly sympathetic or because of his marvelous hair- but I love this guy. Plus he stands on his head in the ring- during matches! I've heard him called a modern day Mr. perfect, and that's a very apt description. A consummate heel and one of my favorite modern-day wrestlers.
Oh, and did I mention that Super Mario came out about half-way through the match like he was going to team up with the Hulk and then he just NAILED THE HULK RIGHT IN THE GUT!!! Sort of random, but I'm sort of excited about the potential here.
And after Ziggler finally pinned the Hulk (after two near falls- great, great match), Thor came out to the entrance ramp and intimidatingly stared at Ziggler. That's why you shouldn't mess with the Avengers...because they will avenge their friends with intimidating stares from across a crowded arena.
Raw is War:
Job Squad vs. New Age Outlaws
Raw is War (seriously thinking about adding a "...spelled backwards" to the title. Hopefully the system lets me) has many more "real" wrestlers than WCW does, although there's still several created characters in order to keep mine/the kids' interest. The Job Squad is a team of those guys. Made up of Homestarrunner and Beavis, they aren't going to winning many titles...or even many matches. They're just there to rid in on a bike and make the kids chuckle.
Despite their low standing in the company, the Job Squad put up a heck of a fight against one of the better tag teams in the game. Actually, Beavis did most of the wrestling- I'm not actually sure where Homestarrunner was.
Lita vs Natalya-
Natalya is exhibit A of the misuse and borderline discrimination by the WWE against the women's wrestlers (really, I'm surprised they couldn't find a more degrading term than "Divas"). A very talented wrestler with a tremendous family pedigree...and yet as recently as last year (maybe more recently, I haven't been paying attention) she was starring in flatulence spots. Props to her for making the best of the situation...but I can't imagine a more degrading situation they could have put her in.
Enough about that- back to the YWL. Lita basically slammed her foe through the barricade and won via countout.
Raphael vs Rey Mysterio
In a perfect world with more than 50 CAW slots, I would have downloaded all of the Ninja Turtles AND Casey Jones and made them into the most unstoppable stable that wrestling has ever seen. Unfortunately, I couldn't afford to devote 1/10th of my slots to the TMNT squad- not when I had to save spots for Willie Wonka and Spongebob. So alas, I had to settle for Raph (my all-time favorite Turtle) with variant costumes of his pizza pals.
As for the match? Oh. Well, Rey won. The highlight though was when Mysterio got up on the top ropes in an attempt to Rope Flip Raph- and ended up completely whiffing on it. Basically it looked like he tried to do a purposeful cannonball onto the concrete floor. Nonetheless, he survived that mistake (and Raph's early assaults) to win by pinfall.
Godfather versus The Rock
My initial goal for the YWL was to have as few real life wrestlers as possible, and even fewer matches between real wrestlers. But I'm purposefully staying with the match cards that the CPU gives me, in hopes that there is sweet payoff down the road.
Godfather won even though I was playing as the Rock. I was only playing because I wanted to show the kids the People's Elbow...but I ended up doing the Rock Bottom instead. I'm so sorry children.
Triple H vs. Randy Orton
As of press time, D-X OWNS Raw Is War. They hold the Tag Team AND World Heavyweight championships. Coincidentally, I happen to be a member of D-X. Whoah, that's weird. How did that happen?
Triple H is the aforementioned World Heavyweight champion. Randy Orton is one of the top-five contenders for said championship. So imagine my surprise when Shane O'Mac came out and leveled both guys. That's about thirty levels of WHAT THE HECK JUST HAPPENED THERE, WWE 13????
First of all, I spent a good amount of time going through and making sure that all of the "inactive" wrestlers didn't have any allies or rivals that were active PRECISELY to avoid this sort of thing. I didn't download close to 50 comic characters, pop-culture figures, and politicians so that I could watch Vince McMahon's goofy kid come between The Game and The Apex Predator.
Second of all, this.
That concludes the synopses of my main shows. As part of my schedule, there's also a weekly show called "NXT". It's basically like a bonus show to help feuds progress and give other wrestlers a chance at the screen...I guess? So I don't know how I'll approach writing about this show. At this time, I'll be just documenting the results. Why? I don't know.
NXT results:
The Governator defeats Venom
Edward Cullen defeats Homestar
Lita defeats Natalya (again)
Darth Vader defeats Michael Jackson (Potential feud alert- Darth went to give him the 'ol "Good game" hand shake post-match and Michael Jackson slapped it away)
Spider-man defeats Ronald McDonald and Sponge-bob (Spidey did the 'Hey man, great game' hand-raise to Ronald McDonald)
End of the week ranking jumps
The Red Hulk/Carnage/Rorschach interference match paid immediate dividends. Carnage is now the #2 contender for the WCW Heavyweight title/European championships. Rorschach jumped from #29 to #3- just for getting jumped! Red Hulk, meanwhile, went from bottom feeding at #32 to the #5 contender slot.
On the Raw Is War side, Homestarrunner jumped to #15 in the Heavyweight Championship race (from #32) despite being largely a spectator in The Job Squad's loss to The New Age Outlaws. I smell a premature push. The Job Squad did move up five spots to #5 in the Tag Team rankings, although if you think that there's any chance that they get past the Outlaws, the Brothers of Destruction (link), AND the Road Warriors...then I only got TWO. WORDS. FOR YA.
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| Un likely? |
WCW:
WCW Heavyweight Championship- Skeletor
European Championship- Sting
World Tag Team Championship- The Justice League
Divas Championship- Beth Phoenix
Raw Is War:
World Heavyweight Championship- Triple H
Intercontinental Championship- CM Punk
Tag Team Championship- D-Generation X
World's Championship- Delaney
Until next week fellows!
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