The long awaited, highly anticipated, hotly debated 2011 Snow Flurries Draft review

I'm bored out of my mind right now.  B-O-R-D.  But fear not, faithful reader- out of the ashes of my boredom will rise a blog post so revolutionary, so insightful, that it will literally make you do a double-take, rub your eyes, and question everything you ever thought you knew.  It will lead to the end of unemployment, the abolishment of partisan politics, and will lay the first cobble stones on the long, hard road to world peace.

You might be asking yourself what I could possibly be going to the well for in order to achieve all of this.  Well ask not, friends, as clearly I'm going to be reviewing my 2011 Fantasy Football draft. 

As you remember from when I used to write about Fantasy Football back in 2011, this past season was the absolute pinnacle of my young career.  I won the league's regular season so easily that I had to manufacture drama behind the scenes to keep my guys interested (I still haven't had the heart to tell Mike Williams that Sabastian Janikowski is not a cannibal that will eat him if he continues to suck).

In many ways, I feel like a first time father, only this is actually your third child but you're so disappointed in the first two that you just pretend that they don't exist.  I'm proud of this season- I drafted pretty well.  I played the waiver-wire like a pro.  I (mostly) avoided injuries.  Of course, I didn't completely avoid injuries, which is why I'm not coming to you today as the People's champ.

I don't need something insignificant like championship recognition to validate my success this year.  This season was sweet, sweet retribution for the pain and bitter defeat of my whole freaking wretched pathetic miserable existence the last two seasons.  I've seen fire, and I've seen rain.  And even though I'm not sure what in the heck James Taylor is talking about, I'm sure his words are very apt to the moment.
Anyways, that's enough out of me.  Here's my draft review.  In a nod to draft reviews past, I will give comment about my preseason thoughts, my season thoughts, and my moving-forward thoughts- and without even saying a word you will know which is which.  Because that is how awesome you are (guided there, of course, by my benevolent hand). 

1 Tom Brady, QB, New England- I don't expect him to put up the ridiculous numbers that he did last year.  And I was right- he didn't put up the ridiculous numbers that he did last year.  He put up even better numbers.  Three more TDs and 1,000+ more yards (plus 3 TDs on the ground).  Sure, his INTs went up as well- but that's like complaining about Eve's shortcomings as an actress. 

Sure, you're cute- but I want to see inside your soul

If I have my way, this guy will retire as a North Michigan Snow Flurry.

2 Darren McFadden, RB, Oakland- Question- is a no.2 pick a good place to draft a guy who has only had one good season and spent much of his career being hurt? Answer- No, but my other RBs performed so well that it really didn't matter that Run-DMC missed over half of the season.  That said, if I didn't have his handcuff Michael Bush, we'd be talking in a completely different tone right now.  The kind of tone where you move slowly away from the computer and immediately call the authorities (or the tabloids).  I can't honestly see myself picking D-Mac any sooner than the fifth round, which means I'll probably nab him by the third. 

3 Matt Forte, RB, Chicago- I have a huge soft spot for RBs that are versatile. Indeed, Forte's versatility within the Bears offense made him an invaluable member of my squad in the early weeks (and a solid one from the midpoint until his injury).  He had just 4 total TDs on the year and only eclipsed the 70 yard rushing mark (I am not above using mediocrity as a benchmark) five times on the year- yet his ability to be involved in the passing game contributed to his 10.2 PPG average.  Sadly, his late season injury (as well as DeMarco Murray's) kept me from tasting the Championship rainbow.  Potential keeper (depending on how that injury plays out), there will always be a spot at the Snow Flurry table for my friend Mr. Forte. 

4 Mike Williams, WR, Tampa Bay- I drafted [Mike Williams]because he scored 11 TDs last year.  I almost [pushed Mike Williams] off of a cliff this year because he only scored 3 TDs and about 1,000 less yards than in 2010 (300- but it might as well have been 1,000).  He was like the Bizarro Tom Brady, like Eve if she could act like Kate Winslet but looked like this:

But you should never call someone ugly if they have a bow and arrow.

If I had to pick between drafting Mike Williams next year and being set on fire, I'd probably draft Mike Williams- but not before asking a series of clarifying questions.

5 Beanie Wells, RB, Arizona- What better way to have a scapegoat than to have a bruising RB from Ohio State named Beanie, coming off of a monster sub-400 yard, 2 TD season, be your number 5 pick? Remember the song "What Might Have Been?" by Little Texas?  One of my favorite non-love love songs.  That's Beanie Wells' 2011 season to me- if he could have stayed healthy (and got consistently QB play), he could have been The Boss.  As is, he had just enough stinkers to make me always question my choice to play him, tempered with enough WOW games to make me want to build my team around him.   And that's why I'll probably take a stab at him next year at some point- especially if the Cardinals get Peyton Manning- and subsequently spend the 2012 season wondering just what in the hell I was thinking.

6 Brandon Lloyd, WR, Denver- Interesting factoid that I found after doing some post-draft research- Brandon Lloyd was on NFL.com's Top Ten Players Most Likely To Be A Bust list.  I really don't know if he was a bust, because I traded him way early in the season.  (Goes to check his stats).  Huh.  Well, I guess he was the 24th highest scoring WR, so he wasn't a bust per se.  However, I parlayed him into Michael Bush, so for a sixth round pick, this panned out much better than I could have imagined.  Definitely much better than my #2 pick, anyways.  I'd probably give him a shot if he's available in a nice low-round somewhere. 

7 Mario Manningham, WR, New York (Giants)- If Steve Smith did, in fact, vanish into the Bermuda Triangle (as my sources have sort of confirmed but it was probably somebody else), then I expect Manningham to get a lot more touches in the passing game.  Well Steve Smith resurfaced in Philadelphia of all places, but Mario got hurt and all of those extra touches seemed to go to Victor Cruz.  I picked up Cruz before anyone else did, but that's beside the point.  I drafted Manningham and got left with the remnants.  Life is so unfair  Manningham could conceivably find himself in a Snow Flurry uniform sometime in the future. 

8 Sam Bradford, QB, St. Louis- I feel like he'll have a phenomenal year, and gives me great insurance against Brady getting hurt.  Okay, so every single iffy decision up to this point can at least be tempered with a yeahbut.  As in, "Yeah, but he got hurt".  Sure, Bradford got hurt too- but this guy fell so far, so fast that he went from 'great insurance policy against Brady getting hurt' to getting 'Oh my God I can't believe I cut Cam Newton to keep this guy'-released just to wash the stink out of my mouth.  I will not, will not draft you Sam.  Or eat Green Eggs and Ham.

9 Brandon Jacobs, RB, New York (Giants)- What I do know is that Jacobs is a solid bye week/injury replacement.  And he probably would have been.  Of course, in the early weeks of the season, my RB situation was so solid that I could afford to play around with the waiver wire, and so Jacobs only made it to week 4 before being coldly let go into.  Sorry man- nothing personal, just business.  And it will be just business when I stay away from you like you just shook hands with a dude who touches pig guts for a living.  Oh yeah, that was a spoiler.

10 Jimmy Graham, TE, New Orleans- I think this guy could be a potential steal at the TE position.  Seriously- a potential steal?  Jimmy Graham was so far in the steal category that the Leonardo DiCaprio was notified.  I mean, this guy put up WR numbers!  Seriously, if I could have played 2 TEs this year, I probably would have gone undefeated and spent the entire offseason writing blog posts about how I plucked Jimmy Graham out of the air, gave him wings, and told him he could fly.  If Jimmy isn't a keeper for next year, it's because he has been betrothed to one of my top draft picks. 

11 Ravens Defense- They do still have Ed Reed, right?  Yup, and even though Reed wasn't the wicked insane playmaker of yesteryear, he still helped the Ravens D to a respectable showing.  As long as Ed Reed is still playing, I will always give the Raven's D a thought. 

12 Jordy Nelson, WR, Green Bay- I expect big things out of Jordy this year- even if his first name is 'Jordy'.  With all due respect to Mr. Graham, and dorky name not withstanding, Jordy is without a doubt my top pick of 2011.  Jordy had a monster 2k11.  MONSTER.  Even though Aaron Rodgers had quite possibly the deepest receiving corps in league history, he always seemed to make sure that my man Jordy got his.  Indeed, Jordy Nelson ended the year as the #2 scoring WR in our league.  Quite possibly this is the biggest surprise in world history- even more surprising than Rich Gannon being named NFL MVP that one time in the dark ages (2002).  While Jordy isn't going to be a keeper, I guarantee I'm going to start hunting for him much earlier than round 12 next year.

13 Mike Williams, WR, Seattle- I got a valuable 2nd/3rd receiver who will probably be "The Man" on a bad Seattle team.  I got a useless 4th/5th receiver who (for various reasons) had more games of zero points (9) than he did with points (7).  And it's not like he was lighting up the scoreboard when he did score- check out these numbers: 1, 1, 3, 3, 4, 6, 9.  Mike wasn't with me for very long, but the residual blast from this whiff was so bad that Rob Deer felt bad for me.  The Mike Williams experience is over.

14 Greg Olsen, TE, Carolina- Olsen has been solid, and playing for a bad team starting a rookie QB, I imagine that he'll see his fair share of targets.  Olsen did have a solid enough 2011, but with Graham and Gronk logging all of my TE playing time, there was literally no room for Olsen on the field.  Also, whole security-blanket-for-rookie-QB-on-bad-team gig that I was banking on never really took off.  Since apparently Cam Newton is Superman.  You were essentially a one-night stand, Greg- and it wasn't even that great of a night.  So I'll probably forget you.

15 Patriots Defense-It's a Bill Belichick 'D. It has to be good, right? Or at least, serviceable? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.  Yeah, uh-huh, SURE.    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.  You're kidding, right?

16 Neil Rackers, K, Houston- You're going to read my postseason champions speech, see how I deftly nabbed Neil Rackers in the 16th round, and be amazed.  Neil was a phenom at the K position for me, I'm not even kidding.  Even though I dropped him about half-way through and didn't end up winning the championship, you should still be amazed.  I treat my kickers just like I treat creditors- I never make a commitment before they're calling non-stop and threatening legal action. 

17 Steve Breaston, WR, Kansas City-The only reason I picked Steve is because I still have Fantasy Football feelings for Dwayne Bowe, and I want someone on the inside who can let me know how he's doing- and let him know that I still care, and I'll treasure our magical autumn forever.  After I scored D Bowe in my concubine league, I had no reason to keep Breaston.  So I didn't.  The end.

18 New York (Giants) Defense- Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer.  Yup.  That settles that. 

19 Cam Newton, QB, Carolina- Rookie. Hehehe ROOKie- I'll probably never play this guy. I don't think he'll do very well. I just thought it'd be cool to take the first overall pick of the NFL draft with the next-to-last pick of the fantasy draft. Teach this kid a little humility. Make him work a little bit. Here on the Snow Flurries, you aren't just handed a starting spot because of your draft accolades- you gotta earn it.  Wow.  Just wow.  If I had kept Newton instead of, say, oh, I don't know....SAM BRADFORD, then I'd probably be writing this blog somewhere on Main Street in the middle of a confetti shower and hundreds of hot chicks screaming my Championship name.  Instead I'm sleeping with the fleas and cockroaches in the alley of Third Place wiping the specks of food out of my Not-Championship 5 o'clock shadow.

I mean, yeah, Cam blindsided all of us.  No one knew he was going to explode on the scene in the fashion that he did.  But still...he was on my team.  MY TEAM.  I drafted him.  Ran him through the drills.  Let him run the plays.  Sent the equipment manager to have him come see me- and to make sure he brought his playbook.  I was his genesis, his beginning- his very existence in the Center League was because of me.  I should have known.  Right?  It doesn't matter.  Because I have literally 0% chance of getting Cam Newton next year. 

What might have been, indeed.
 
Eve-http://www.pwpix.net/superstars/e/evetorres/images/eve-torres-4.jpg
Jack Black- http://www.stomptokyo.com/reelopinions/images/nacho3.jpg

Snow Flurries Season 2: 2nd half synopsis

Sometimes, when I do these game summaries, I go back through, looking for anything that might give me an edge for the next game, or the next season. Analyzing tendencies, scouring weather reports, reading briefings. Then I remember- it's all fake. And there is no method to any of this madness.

With that said, here is how the 2nd half of my season played out.

Week 8- My first of two shots at a .500 record, and a (seemingly) favorable matchup against the Parx Rangers (my dad's team)...and I fire blanks, losing 117-96.
What went right- Recent acquiree Cardinals D fills in admirably for da' Bears by scoring 28 points. Janikowski has 15 points. I also get solid efforts from McFadden (14) and Fitzpatrick (16).
What went wrong- Apparently it was the Snow Flurries bye week, as many of my top guys (Turner, Bears D, Boldin, Smith) do not play against anyone other than themselves. Michael Crabtree scores 11 points- but he does so on the waiver wire, because I cut him to pick up Mike Williams (2 points). I feel like the ghost of Matt Millen still haunts me. Also, the one game of the season that Matthew Stafford starts and finishes- yup, it's against me. 32 points. It didn't help that Larry Fitzgerald had his highest scoring performance at 19 points.
Bonehead move- Because of all the byes, it's really tough to say because no roster combo would have netted me any more points. Sure, dropping Crabtree was a hindsight stupid, but it was his first game with Troy Smith at QB. How was I to know Troy Smith wasn't going to royally suck?

Week 9- A rematch against my brothers' Team Doomsday, with 3rd place (and a playoff spot) on the line, and my team comes through for me. HUGE. Snow Flurries win easily (sort of) 123-99.
What went right- When it's your fantasy day, it's your fantasy day. 7 of my 9 players go for double digits, and I even left points on the bench at 3 positions. My brother leaves Phillip Rivers (33 points) on the bench for Big Ben (11 points), and his K Bironas has a bye week.
What went wrong- It didn't cost me this week- but Brown outscored McFadden 15-8, and da' Bears had a 41-24 margin over the Cards' D. Like I said, it didn't cost me- but it could have.
Bonehead move- There are no bonehead moves in victory. I have to tell myself this. Because my self esteem is really low, and if I don't speak positive things to myself, I'll just fall apart.

Week 10- Chance number 2 at .500, and I fail. Utterly and completely fail. This is probably the most painful loss of my fantasy career, on many levels. Suffice it to say that my 112-110 loss to Team Fergy is still resonating deep in my happy place even today.
What went right- My team worked their asses off. Coming back from a 30+ point deficit, they scored a total that (even with my foul-ups) would have beat most other teams in the league. Dwayne Bowe is the latest child of fortune, as the Broncos jump all over the Chiefs and force them to throw the ball all the time (Bowe ends up with 31 points for me). In fact, I was leading Fergy 110-109 heading into the last game of the night- Patriots versus Steelers. More on this in a second.
What went wrong- Smith is out with an injured peck- jeez, I didn't realize that this was the La Leche league (um, just kidding Steve- hurry up and get better). I decide that the Cardinals D (18 points) playing against the Seahawks was a better choice than da Bears (35 points) against the Vikings. Now, this isn't as asinine of a move as it might seem. Matt Hasselbeck was not guaranteed to start versus the Cards, and Favre was coming off of a career high 446 yards passing. Of course- I forgot that Favre's arm fell has completely fallen off. Also, I left Todd Heap (11 points) on the bench in place of Aaron Hernandez (assuming he got lost on the way to Heinz field and just didn't show up to the game). Hernandez not only scores 0 points for the Patriots, he does so in such a fashion that the National Center for Missing Adults gets involved.
Bonehead move- Relying on human beings for this game. Why don't we do fantasy Madden? Seriously, nobody is more disappointing than human beings. You know how many different ways I could have won this game- or at least tied it- without humans making human mistakes? Josh Scobee (my fill-in kicker) misses 2 field goals. Chansi Stuckey fumbles in OT against the Jets (Fergy's D). The Chiefs miss on a pair of 2-point conversion passes to Bowe. Mike Williams misses a pass in the red zone. Jason Snelling scores 12 points against the Ravens, while his forward-up Turner racks up all of 3. And how about WHAT WAS BELICHEK THINKING!?!!? Seriously, just one week after scoring 2 TDs against the Browns, Hernandez is AWOL while fellow rookie TE Rob Gronkowski scores 3 TDs against the Steelers. 3 TDs!!! Couldn't at least one of those gone to Aaron Hernandez? Remember him- you threw a pair of scoring passes to him last week? That guy?

Week 11- This is the point where all the injuries and all the mistakes start to add up. We are a mentally weary bunch, falling apart at the wrong time. Playing my arch-nemesis War Machine and needing a win to keep my dim playoff prospects alive, the Snow Flurries instead find themselves on the short end of a 127-96 score.
What went right- I felt bad for the Dolphins. Having lost their top two QBs to injury on Sunday, having to play their 3rd string QB against the Bears on a short week (they played on Thursday), knowing how much injuries have ruined my own season- I almost left the Bears D on the bench. Almost. Then I snapped into cutthroat mode, started the Bears, and watched as they racked up 22 points in a shut-out effort. Bowe and Turner also went for 20+ each for my squad. Jeff also made a (hindsight) bad move by leaving Thomas Jones and his 19 points on the bench in exchange for the 5 points that Stephen Jackson put up.
What went wrong- My match-ups were horrible. McFadden vs. the Steelers? He was forecast for 17 points (which I knew was not going to happen)- but still, to have him only put up 2 was a huge letdown. And it wasn't like I could sit him for a more favorable match-up, because Ronnie Brown was going up against a Bears D that could afford to ignore the pass. Additionally, Aaron Rodgers racked up 39 points, which destroyed me.
Bonehead move- I played Crabtree (1 point) over Williams (11 points). The move wouldn't have won me the game- but it would have helped.

Week 12-Ah yes- the week of the trade deadline. Also known as mercenary time. In real sports, the contenders try to solidify their title hopes, the fringe playoff teams try to make that final playoff push, and the dregs try and get something to show for their talented free agents that plan on leaving during the off-season. You can probably guess which one of those categories I fall into. Needing to win both of my last 2 games and have Josh lose both of his last 2- I make a couple blockbuster deals to swing the pendulum. Unfortunately, we played against Team Disco, the highest scoring team in the league. Still, my boys gave it their all. Despite trailing by over 50 points at one time, the Snow Flurries battled bravely and fell by a (narrower than it appears) 153-128 score.
What went right- Dwayne Bowe came to play- 36 points for my main man. Turner had a nice 18 on the day as well. And, perhaps most importantly of all, Chris Johnson of Team Disco has a big goose egg. Yes, you read that right. Chris Johnson. 0 points. How can I lose?
What went wrong-How can I lose? Well I am about to tell you. Rent-a-cop Big Ben, projected for 26, needed all of regulation and most of an OT period even have 10 (the other QBs on my roster each had twice that at the halftime mark of their respective games). Steve Johnson, whom I traded for Darren McFadden, had 6 and dropped a pass in the endzone that would have won the game for the Bills. Of course, McFadden had 6 too- so this week the trade was a wash. Oh, and how about Brady and Peyton Hillis each putting up 38 and Nate Kaeding having a 20 spot for Team Disco.
Bonehead move- You know what? I didn't make any bonehead moves. I'm tired of taking responsibility for these slackers. I put my faith in some of you guys- and you let me down. You let me down hard. So I made all the right moves. I was genius. Sheer brilliance. And really, it wasn't even my guys, either- because we had the 2nd most points in the league this week- meaning that if we would have played anyone else- ANYONE ELSE- we would have won. FRICK!

Week 13- Nothing to play for. No hope for a playoff birth. The end of an era. Season finale. The Snow Flurries have given everything for me this season- and it pains my heart that their perseverance will not be rewarded with a playoff birth. Instead, we'll be sitting home watching the playoffs. And we'll all have a nasty pukey taste in our mouths, thanks to the 85-67 stinker against El Diablo.
What went right- Well...Boldin came out of his coma to score 18 points. And Turner had a nice 14 point outing. And I guess da Bears D came up solid with 16 points against the Lions.
What went wrong- Last week, Dwayne Bowe came to play. This week, Dwayne Bowe came to get shut down. 0 points. Can't have your top guy score 0 points...unless someone else steps up. And that's just it- nobody else really stood up. Sam Bradford, starting as a Snow Flurry for the first time, played like a rookie (5 points) while seasoned vets Cutler and Big Ben each had 14. Steve Johnson followed up his 6 point effort by halving it (meanwhile McFadden had 16 points for someone else...man, those points would have looked nice on my roster).
Bonehead move- It should be probably be noted that Hernandez had 11 points in Waiver-land, while Heap hurt on 1st play of game and Gronkowski was not a factor. Leave it to Bill Belichek to kick me in the nads one last time whilst I lay writhing in agony on the floor.

Season over. Playoffs- not accomplished. It was quite a ride- and now it's over.

Next week (or maybe even this week if I feel motivated) I'll grade my draft effort. Then I'll look at the grades I gave my draft before the season started. Then I'll laugh at myself. And then? I'll start getting ready for next season. The NORTH Michigan Snow Flurries are going to be back with a vengence.

Snow Flurries transaction report- or in other words, why things fell apart when they did

I know, I know- there is still a week left of the season, 3 weeks of post season. But as I have already bared my soul for all to see, the NORTH Michigan Snow Flurries are done. The only thing we have left to play for is pride...and screw that, I say. We've been playing for pride. Now the only thing left to play for is to not have the #1 overall pick because in a serpentine draft system, the top pick is almost more of a curse than a blessing, because then you have to basically wait 2 whole rounds before you can pick again. Plus, who wants to tell their friends that they were the worst fantasy football player in their league last year. Actually, who talks about fantasy football to their friends?

Where did it all go wrong? Some might say injuries- and while there is some truth to that, the other truth is that there are always great waiver-wire finds throughout the season. Kyle Orton, Peyton Hillis, and Michael Vick are just a few of the names that ended up being available via waiver wire. This is one of the components of being a champion- you have to know when a free-floating football player is getting ready to explode, while knowing which player on your roster is ready to be cut loose. It's a dog-eat-dog food world out there.

Was I able to find any of them- or anyone worth while? Only this exclusive inside-my-mind feature will be able to answer that question. The inside-my-mind commentary will be in italics. In case you couldn't figure that out.

Sept. 4- Dropped Donnie Avery- Possibly a prophetic draft pick, because I found out after I drafted him that he was out for the year. Maybe next season I should at least do a little bit of prep work...

Sept. 6- Added Sam Bradford- Sam actually will be starting his first game for the Snow Flurries in Week 13- but he has looked very good on my bench this season, and is definitely in line for keeper status- after all, this guy has the look of a future superstar all over him, and a great keeper can go a long way in keeping an injury-filled season afloat (see- Manning, Peyton; Johnson, Chris;Brady, Tom, etc.).

Sept. 15- Dropped Ryan Grant, added Patriots defense-Once I realized that the longer I kept Grant around, the more likely it was that his teammates would realize that he was, in fact, alive, I had to drop him like a bad habit. I don't really have anything to say about the Patriots D.

Sept. 23- Traded Patriots D, Dustin Keller, T.J. Houshmanzadeh to dad for Anquan Boldin, Heath Miller, and Tim Hightower- Ah yes. The Patriots D. I was able to throw them in this trade for what ended up being Anquan Boldin. Unfortunately, Boldin was mentally unable to rebound from the time when I benched him and he scored 33 points, and wound up in a late-season free fall. This trade ended up basically doing nothing for anyone.

Sept. 29- Dropped Mohammed Massaquoi, added Jabar Gaffney- Another inconsequential move, other than to give me a guy that I would occasionally look at on the bench and wonder 'Why didn't I play that guy?'.

Oct.2- Dropped Miller, added Aaron Hernandez- Hernandez will always be synonymous in my mind with 'what might have been'. Do you know how frustrating it is to always read the football 'experts' talk about what a match-up nightmare that Hernandez is- and to so infrequently see that show up in his statistics? Does it matter to me that his abilities make things easier for the New England offense? This isn't fantasy compassion damnit, it's fantasy football!

Oct. 13- Added Tony Scheffler and Mike Hart, dropped Hightower- The Tim Hightower Experiment wasn't one of my finer moments. See ya! Hart- well, I was just hoping Hart could recapture some of the magic that made him one of the best high school running backs of all time. Or at least not suck very much. Scheffler was another one of my failed experiments to replace Jermichael Finley.

Oct. 16- Dropped Lawrence Tynes, added Sebastion Janikowski- Tynes was not 100% sure thing to kick for the Giants that week, so I figured 'what the hey' and picked up the Raiders K. What was initially meant to be a one week trial for Janikowski ended up in a full-ride scholarship. Hey, if colleges can pay their players under the table, surely a Fantasy Football team can offer to pay for a guy's education.

Oct. 20- Dropped Hart, added Chris Ivory- Going off of memory here- I believe that the only reason that Hart was even playing was that the guys ahead of him were hurt...and then he got hurt. And the guys ahead of him were getting better. Or something like that, who knows. Only, nostalgia is no reason to keep someone around in Fantasy Football. So sayonara Mike Hart. As for Chris Ivory? Injuries waylaid him too...just long enough for me to drop him, someone else to pick him up, and for him to score 15 points in back-to-back weeks late in the season, which of course for me would have been amazing.

Oct. 27- Dropped Ravens D, added Cardinals D and Ryan Fitzpatrick- I remember, very clearly, in the draft room when I drafted the Ravens D, and everyone was like, 'good pick Parksy'...and only 2 months later, I can't get rid of them fast enough. What happened, Ray Lewis? Are you trying to tell me that it's more important for you to win real games by playing sound defense than it is for you to score me lots of fantasy points by gambling and possibly get out of position? What kind of sick, sick bastard are you? Well, just to spite you, I not only dropped you from my roster, but I picked up the very Harvard-educated QB that carved you up like a cooked bird- the immortal Ryan Fitzpatrick.

Oct. 30- Dropped Jermichael Finley, Michael Crabtree and Sam Bradford, added Josh Freeman and Mike Williams- I am not usually prone to making careless or impulsive decisions...oh wait. Yes I am. However, this case isn't all careless or 100% impulsive. Freeman ended up starting some games for me, as did Williams. And besides- I picked up Crabtree and Bradford later on in the season. Obviously they were still available not because they were not very good- but out of blind loyalty to my managerial awesomeness they rebuffed all other offers and just waited around for me to call them back.

Nov. 2- Traded Chad Henne and Ryan Fitzpatrick for Jay Cutler and Jon Kitna- This trade actually worked out well for me. No, really, it did. After Tony Romo got hurt, there was a virtual QB carousel that never seemed to stop. By trading Henne and Doogie Howser, I was able to narrow it down to Josh Freeman. And if Kutler ever decided to snap out of his funk? Then I got a top tier fantasy QB for pennies on the dollar.

Nov. 3- Dropped Ivory, Kitna, and Scheffler, added Marcel Reese, Todd Heap, and Bradford, (Sam- welcome back- we missed ya! What's that? No no no no- that's not Jay Cutler chilling on the bench. Why would I pick up another QB- you're my #2 guy!) Also, at this point my search for running backs has all of the glamor of spring break college students and one night stands. I decided that I'm done with that. From now on, I'm going to be a faithful 2 running back guy (Turner and McFadden)...and, just to be safe, I'll get their back-ups too (Snelling and Reese). I suppose this is akin to marrying a woman, and then taking her sister to be your concubine. Unfortunately, I screwed up my waiver priorities,not thinking about the fact that no one would be going after Reese. And so it is that I messed up a chance to pick up Dallas Clark 2.0 (Jacob Tamme) at TE.

Nov. 10- Dropped Reese, added Josh Scobee- With my kicker on a bye week, I figured I'd add a kicker to help fill in for those missing points. And Reese was on a bye week too, so I was 100% confident if I ever wanted to add him to my roster again, I'd know right where to find him.

Nov. 13- Added Jacoby Ford- Anytime you have a young player with a name that can be legitimately pronounced more than seven different ways- well, you have to give that guy a chance, right?

Nov. 16- Dropped Josh Scobee- Well, I would have lost by more than 2 if I didn't have him, so thanks Josh. Oh, and thanks for missing 2 field goals and costing me the game, you twit (interesting bit of trivia...Josh Scobee was my first ever fantasy football kicker).

Nov. 17- Dropped Ford, added Crabtree- Sorry Jacoby. I'm sorry.

Nov. 23- Traded Mike Williams and Josh Freeman for Big Ben, John Kuhn- Well, after last season's controversy and chaos, it was nice to report that I was the perpetrator of this years first big conspiracy theory. Never mind the fact that this desperation move to get into the playoffs was contingent on A) Me winning both of my last two games, B) Team Doomsday losing both of his last two games, and C) Big Ben racking up huge amounts of fantasy points. Of course, most of those things didn't happen. Which is why I'll be watching the playoffs at home. On my TV. Hey, maybe I can invite the Detroit Lions over!

Nov. 23- Dropped John Kuhn- Dear John- I regret to inform you that you have been waived from the NORTH Michigan Snow Flurries. It's nothing personal- in fact, it's not you...it's me. You're a great guy, a hard working player, and you've even scored some. It's just that...well, the last two Packers I had ended up on Injured Reserve, and I have commitment issues.

Nov. 23- Traded Darren McFadden for Steve Johnson and Reggie Bush- This same trade was initially proposed to me with Javhid Best included. I turned it down, and counter-proposed the 2-for-1 trade. Oh, Javhid Best. I proposed a hail-mary trade for him after he torched the Eagles in Week 2, and was quickly turned down. Who would have thought that later in the season, Best would not only be a trade throw-in, but that he would get trade thrown-out?

As far as the trade itself goes- it was really just a strategical risk for me. McFadden has been a stud this year- but he's started to slow down as of late. Johnson, meanwhile, carries the p-word that all WRs carry. No, not that one. Potential. Maybe this is all in my head, but RBs seem to be more stable in their points- fluctuating usually on their TDs week to week. WRs? Sometimes they might get you 5 or 6, but one week they might get you a couple TDs, and a couple hundred yards and have like 20-30 points. Did it work? You'll have to tune in for my 2nd half synopsis to find out!

Nov. 24- Added Browns D- At this point in the season, anytime you can find a defense on the waiver wire that is playing a historically bad offense, you have to take a chance.

Nov. 30- Dropped Steve Smith, Cardinals D, Browns D, and Hernandez, added Rob Gronkowski- In what historians will likely call The Day That the Snow Flurries Waved The White Flag, I decided to waive the injured Smith (a solid possession receiver who would be a valuable playoff asset...if I was going to make the playoffs), my reserve defenses, and a rookie TE who could have been my amazing waiver wire pick-up. Unfortunately, Bill Belichik decided that I should have picked up the TE that his team drafted higher, and decided to mess with my mind by making Hernandez an integral part of the game plan just long enough to hook me in, and then BAM- he pulls him from relevance with the mere wave of his hand. Sheer cruelty. from the hand of the master. You win Belichik. This time.

Well, that's all the time we have for that. I hope you enjoyed it- or at the very least, you still want to be my friend. Like I said, tune in next time. For stuff.