Marvel vs. DC- The DC Stars (offense)

Last week, I entered into a great philosophical debate with myself about which comic book superheroes would make for great football players.  It wasn't pretty- tempers flared, hurtful words words were exchanged, a hit may or may not have been ordered, but in the end, I (we?) agreed on a cohesive, dominant Marvel roster that would surely take on all comers.  At the very least, they should be able to take out the Minnesota Vikings (NFC North burn!). 

So for this week, I was charged with the task of finding for them a worthy adversary from their rival universe, DC.  And that's what I did.  Because I'm the taskMaster.  Not to be confused with the Taskmaster- he's a Marvel super-villian. 

And you know what makes me a super-villain?  Presentation!

Pictures are taken from comicvine.com.  Measurables are taken from the DC Wiki.  And commentary is taken from the mind of AWESOME!!!!


Quarterback- Superman
6'3", 235 lbs

Really I could have plugged Supes in just about anywhere and it would have made sense.  After all, he can pretty much do anything.  But I figured he would be a great QB for the DC Stars for a few reasons.

1. Faster than a speeding bullet.  That's pretty fast- but how fast is it exactly?  Let's figure this out.  One of the fastest guns I could find Internet information on is from the .220 Swift, which has a muzzle velocity of over 4,000 feet per second.  Using a simple formula I also found in cyberspace, (B*3600)/5280, where B=bullet speed in feet/second, 3,600=number of seconds in an hour, and 5,280=number of feet in a mile, that comes out to about 2,727 miles per hour (mph).  When you figure that most police officers will give you cushion of about 10 mph, you are looking at a speeding bullet going around 2,740 mph.  And Superman is faster!
2. More powerful than a locomotive.  Fact: Locomotives are now commonly referred to as "trains".  That's pretty strong.  Combined with his amazing speed, trying to tackle Superman would probably be like trying to tackle a semi-truck that was traveling at the speed of light.  Or a train traveling at the speed of a bullet.  Either way- Superman is more powerful!
3. Able to leap tall buildings in a single bound.  I don't know if that will help him on a football field, but it sure will help him out at the combine.

Throw in his great vision (X-Ray and Heat), leadership, and strong arm (technically two strong arms. But we're going to assume that one of them throws like a girl), and you have a QB that gives DC the ability to move the football against any defense in a number of ways.  Shotgun, spread, option, pro style, swinging gate, single wing- you name it and Supes can make it happen. 


Besides- weren't those dreamy eyes made to scan defenses and read coverages?

How can I be expected to tackle you, Superman- you are just too beautiful!

Runningback- Sinestro
6'7", 205 lbs

Being a Detroit Lions fan in my formative football years, I was annually treated to the joy that was watching Barry Sanders run.  Of particular joy to me was to read and listen to all the really smart football guys, coaches and defensive players on other teams talk about how they hated playing against Barry.  They would say things about how they "couldn't sleep" and the thought of playing against him "gave them nightmares".

So when assembling the DC roster, I eschewed the normal attributes for a RB, and thought- What if the RB could literally inspire fear in the defense?  What if he actually drew his power from the fear of each and every living creature across the known universe- and he could harness that fear as light energy through a special piece of jewelry?  Thus Sinestro became a part of the team.  I'm sure athletically he'll be fine (even though with those proportions I'm worried about the Hulk snapping him like a toothpick), but his ability to strike literal fear into the defense will go a long way in covering up any sort of deficiency in his abilities.  Besides, this is really Superman's show.  The other players are just there to make him look good.  Not that it is a difficult thing to do.

(Faints)

Fullback- Kilowog
7'8", 720 lbs

Aside from being a hulking behemoth in his own right, Kilowog has a Green Lantern Ring, which means that he can pretty much make anything his mind can conceive of.  Could that come in handy?  Ya think?  Seriously, think of the implications- need to stay in and block for the QB? Brick wall! Can't quite reach that outlet pass? Giant pair of hands! Seconds ticking away to victory? Tub of Gatorade!

Wide receiver- Flash
6', 195 lbs

Have you watched the Patriots at all this year? I sure have- because Tom Brady is my Fantasy Football QB.  And my Fantasy Football team is awesome.  Did you really think I would go this whole series without mentioning Fantasy Football?  Anyways, if you've followed the Pats, you've seen the kind of damage that mighty-mite Wes Welker has been able to inflict on opposing defenses.  Now imagine if Welker could run Mach 10, vibrate through solid objects, and harness the power of the Speed Force.  Not that Bill Belichik would care- he'd still probably try to spread the ball around like the offense is some complex game of hot potato.

Wide receiver- Aquaman
6'1, 325 lbs

With so many speedsters in the DCU (our Flash is Barry Allen, by the way.  I'm not sure why there are so many different Flashes), why have Aquaman at the other WR position?  Why not put another DC speedster out there?  Maybe Zoom?  Or how about Professor Zoom?  Kid Zoom  Kid Flash?  Black Flash?  Max Mercury? 

Because I wanted to be a little more creative than that.  And what's more creative than putting an Atlantean sea-dweller who has a prosthetic left hand that is usually a sword into a land-based game at a position that usually requires two hands?  That's pretty freaking creative, eh?  Besides, on this team Aquaman is a glorified third tackles.  I mean, look at who our QB is.  Seriously, look at him. 

Lock eyes, from across the room...

Tight end- Amazo
8'5", 385 lbs

Amazo, on the other hand, will probably be like Jimmy Graham or Rob Gronkowski on this team and catch tons of passes for lots of yards and touchdowns.  You should know that I have both of those TEs on my Fantasy Football team.  And my team is awesome- just sayin'!  In addition to being really tall, Amazo is notable for his ability to replicate the powers of any meta-human he comes in contact with.  This opens up an entire world of options on the offense.  Think about Amazo.  Now think about the Marvel defense.  Now think about Amazo replicating any of their powers- do you see why this is amazing?  Or should I say- Amazoing? 

Tackle- Swamp Thing
Variable height, weight

Swamp Thing has his own set of skills and abilities which are probably all fine and dandy.  But he is really only here because of his ability to speak to, influence, and manipulate plant life.  Quick botany lesson- grass is a plant.  So not only do the Marvel defenders have to worry about what the DC offense is doing, they have to worry about what the grass is doing. 

Guard- Clayface
5'11", 180 lbs (variable with mass)

Center- Big Barda
7'0", 197 lbs

Guard- Beast Boy
5'8", 150 lbs (variable)

I want to talk about the interior of the DC offensive line as one.  Partly because the three of them have some physical similarities that would seem to make them poor choices to serve as interior offensive linemen, and partly because I'm tired of writing about offensive linemen.  Oh, excuse me- offensive linepeople.  At first glance, these three don't fit the dimensions of a typical guard or center.  Clayface is 180?  Beast Boy, a whopping 150 lbs?  And the 7' Big Barda is all of 197 lbs?  Does DC realize how ridiculous it is to have a 7'0" chick that weights less than 200 lbs?  She'd look like this:


Uh, okay Manute- you see that big, angry, 1400 lbs green guy over there?  On the next play, you block him.

But on this line, with this team, size doesn't matter.  Let's be clear here- the offense is predicated on Superman either running some sort of read-option play or firing a quick slant/WR screen to the Flash.  So the Stars don't really need maulers in the trenches.  They just need lineme..sorry, linepeople to interfere with and annoy the defense.  Clayface can muck up any sort of defensive interference.  Big Barda might have Barbie-like proportions, but she's Superman-strong and also has Apokolyptian combat training.  Beast Boy, in addition to literally being annoying, can transform into any animal in the history of ever.  He could transform into a woolly mammoth for those short yardage plays or into a green crow to fly in the face of the defender on a screen pass. 
I know, I know- I'm brilliant.  You don't have to wait, you can tell me now.

Tackle- Alloy
Unknown

Rounding out the offensive line is Alloy, a little-known character from an alternate future.  All you have to know is that he is most likely tall and is formed by all of the Metal Men combining together.  That's where he gets his name.  Alloy.  Because he's an alloy.  Yeah, I'm tired of writing about the O-line.

Kicker/Punter- Green Arrow
6'2", 195 lbs

Pretty much insert whatever I wrote about Bullseye in the Marvel article and put it here, except replace 'sociopath who can turn any object into a weapon and is renowned for his deadly accuracy' with 'playboy millionaire politician with leftist leanings'.  Actually, I guess you could just repeat the quote, verbatim.

Kick/punt returns- Superman and Flash.  Again with the obvious.

Head coach- Batman

You're probably surprised that I didn't suit up Batman given his years of martial arts training, special gadgets, and enhanced levels of strength and endurance.  But as great as Batman is in the arena, he's perhaps more devastating outside of it.  His meticulous preparation and legendary detective skills will serve him best in the film room, as he analyzes secretly obtained video footage of the Marvel practices. Give him a week, and he can figure out a way to beat the Marvel Machine. Give him two weeks- there's no way DC can lose.

Offensive coordinator- Lex Luthor

Lex here got the OC gig for a couple reasons.  First of all, he's always trying to pull some crazy real estate schemes.  Well isn't that what football is?  Just a series of choreographed skirmishes designed to take control of or defend bits of territory?  Second, who knows Superman's weaknesses better than Luthor?  As long as we can convince him that they're working together just for right now, he can put together a gameplan to take full advantage of Supermans' strengths and stay away from his weaknesses...like cheerleaders.

Trust me Clark- stay away from women.  They come from strange planets and will sap you of your strength.

So who does DC plan to employ to stop the high-powered Marvel attack?  Tune in on Friday to know for sure!

Non-comicvine PICS- Clark (football)-http://26.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_l8z7ucfHOo1qb2sdzo1_500.jpg
Clark- http://media.comicvine.com/uploads/1/12780/640067-tom_welling_super.jpg
Clark 2- https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhHg5jgWTo-_emJ_RmBnbF6Lzea78VTSl6GKyHixhmmG9NIfa9WWnJK85CDsIOL1DFy96V8LQby2TjmCP7obVcEgXKhisyUQhDO1yfh6sK_awubZWLldk3XQZOVjjqw9Q6MVLiwqW2Lye8/s1600/tom-welling+(1).jpg
Manute Bol- http://socialightent.files.wordpress.com/2010/06/061910-manute-bol-gallery-sw-9_20100619150512_600_400.jpg
Lana Lang- http://assets.nydailynews.com/img/2009/09/17/gal_cheer_smallville_kristin-kreuk.jpg

Snow Flurries Season 2: 2nd half synopsis

Sometimes, when I do these game summaries, I go back through, looking for anything that might give me an edge for the next game, or the next season. Analyzing tendencies, scouring weather reports, reading briefings. Then I remember- it's all fake. And there is no method to any of this madness.

With that said, here is how the 2nd half of my season played out.

Week 8- My first of two shots at a .500 record, and a (seemingly) favorable matchup against the Parx Rangers (my dad's team)...and I fire blanks, losing 117-96.
What went right- Recent acquiree Cardinals D fills in admirably for da' Bears by scoring 28 points. Janikowski has 15 points. I also get solid efforts from McFadden (14) and Fitzpatrick (16).
What went wrong- Apparently it was the Snow Flurries bye week, as many of my top guys (Turner, Bears D, Boldin, Smith) do not play against anyone other than themselves. Michael Crabtree scores 11 points- but he does so on the waiver wire, because I cut him to pick up Mike Williams (2 points). I feel like the ghost of Matt Millen still haunts me. Also, the one game of the season that Matthew Stafford starts and finishes- yup, it's against me. 32 points. It didn't help that Larry Fitzgerald had his highest scoring performance at 19 points.
Bonehead move- Because of all the byes, it's really tough to say because no roster combo would have netted me any more points. Sure, dropping Crabtree was a hindsight stupid, but it was his first game with Troy Smith at QB. How was I to know Troy Smith wasn't going to royally suck?

Week 9- A rematch against my brothers' Team Doomsday, with 3rd place (and a playoff spot) on the line, and my team comes through for me. HUGE. Snow Flurries win easily (sort of) 123-99.
What went right- When it's your fantasy day, it's your fantasy day. 7 of my 9 players go for double digits, and I even left points on the bench at 3 positions. My brother leaves Phillip Rivers (33 points) on the bench for Big Ben (11 points), and his K Bironas has a bye week.
What went wrong- It didn't cost me this week- but Brown outscored McFadden 15-8, and da' Bears had a 41-24 margin over the Cards' D. Like I said, it didn't cost me- but it could have.
Bonehead move- There are no bonehead moves in victory. I have to tell myself this. Because my self esteem is really low, and if I don't speak positive things to myself, I'll just fall apart.

Week 10- Chance number 2 at .500, and I fail. Utterly and completely fail. This is probably the most painful loss of my fantasy career, on many levels. Suffice it to say that my 112-110 loss to Team Fergy is still resonating deep in my happy place even today.
What went right- My team worked their asses off. Coming back from a 30+ point deficit, they scored a total that (even with my foul-ups) would have beat most other teams in the league. Dwayne Bowe is the latest child of fortune, as the Broncos jump all over the Chiefs and force them to throw the ball all the time (Bowe ends up with 31 points for me). In fact, I was leading Fergy 110-109 heading into the last game of the night- Patriots versus Steelers. More on this in a second.
What went wrong- Smith is out with an injured peck- jeez, I didn't realize that this was the La Leche league (um, just kidding Steve- hurry up and get better). I decide that the Cardinals D (18 points) playing against the Seahawks was a better choice than da Bears (35 points) against the Vikings. Now, this isn't as asinine of a move as it might seem. Matt Hasselbeck was not guaranteed to start versus the Cards, and Favre was coming off of a career high 446 yards passing. Of course- I forgot that Favre's arm fell has completely fallen off. Also, I left Todd Heap (11 points) on the bench in place of Aaron Hernandez (assuming he got lost on the way to Heinz field and just didn't show up to the game). Hernandez not only scores 0 points for the Patriots, he does so in such a fashion that the National Center for Missing Adults gets involved.
Bonehead move- Relying on human beings for this game. Why don't we do fantasy Madden? Seriously, nobody is more disappointing than human beings. You know how many different ways I could have won this game- or at least tied it- without humans making human mistakes? Josh Scobee (my fill-in kicker) misses 2 field goals. Chansi Stuckey fumbles in OT against the Jets (Fergy's D). The Chiefs miss on a pair of 2-point conversion passes to Bowe. Mike Williams misses a pass in the red zone. Jason Snelling scores 12 points against the Ravens, while his forward-up Turner racks up all of 3. And how about WHAT WAS BELICHEK THINKING!?!!? Seriously, just one week after scoring 2 TDs against the Browns, Hernandez is AWOL while fellow rookie TE Rob Gronkowski scores 3 TDs against the Steelers. 3 TDs!!! Couldn't at least one of those gone to Aaron Hernandez? Remember him- you threw a pair of scoring passes to him last week? That guy?

Week 11- This is the point where all the injuries and all the mistakes start to add up. We are a mentally weary bunch, falling apart at the wrong time. Playing my arch-nemesis War Machine and needing a win to keep my dim playoff prospects alive, the Snow Flurries instead find themselves on the short end of a 127-96 score.
What went right- I felt bad for the Dolphins. Having lost their top two QBs to injury on Sunday, having to play their 3rd string QB against the Bears on a short week (they played on Thursday), knowing how much injuries have ruined my own season- I almost left the Bears D on the bench. Almost. Then I snapped into cutthroat mode, started the Bears, and watched as they racked up 22 points in a shut-out effort. Bowe and Turner also went for 20+ each for my squad. Jeff also made a (hindsight) bad move by leaving Thomas Jones and his 19 points on the bench in exchange for the 5 points that Stephen Jackson put up.
What went wrong- My match-ups were horrible. McFadden vs. the Steelers? He was forecast for 17 points (which I knew was not going to happen)- but still, to have him only put up 2 was a huge letdown. And it wasn't like I could sit him for a more favorable match-up, because Ronnie Brown was going up against a Bears D that could afford to ignore the pass. Additionally, Aaron Rodgers racked up 39 points, which destroyed me.
Bonehead move- I played Crabtree (1 point) over Williams (11 points). The move wouldn't have won me the game- but it would have helped.

Week 12-Ah yes- the week of the trade deadline. Also known as mercenary time. In real sports, the contenders try to solidify their title hopes, the fringe playoff teams try to make that final playoff push, and the dregs try and get something to show for their talented free agents that plan on leaving during the off-season. You can probably guess which one of those categories I fall into. Needing to win both of my last 2 games and have Josh lose both of his last 2- I make a couple blockbuster deals to swing the pendulum. Unfortunately, we played against Team Disco, the highest scoring team in the league. Still, my boys gave it their all. Despite trailing by over 50 points at one time, the Snow Flurries battled bravely and fell by a (narrower than it appears) 153-128 score.
What went right- Dwayne Bowe came to play- 36 points for my main man. Turner had a nice 18 on the day as well. And, perhaps most importantly of all, Chris Johnson of Team Disco has a big goose egg. Yes, you read that right. Chris Johnson. 0 points. How can I lose?
What went wrong-How can I lose? Well I am about to tell you. Rent-a-cop Big Ben, projected for 26, needed all of regulation and most of an OT period even have 10 (the other QBs on my roster each had twice that at the halftime mark of their respective games). Steve Johnson, whom I traded for Darren McFadden, had 6 and dropped a pass in the endzone that would have won the game for the Bills. Of course, McFadden had 6 too- so this week the trade was a wash. Oh, and how about Brady and Peyton Hillis each putting up 38 and Nate Kaeding having a 20 spot for Team Disco.
Bonehead move- You know what? I didn't make any bonehead moves. I'm tired of taking responsibility for these slackers. I put my faith in some of you guys- and you let me down. You let me down hard. So I made all the right moves. I was genius. Sheer brilliance. And really, it wasn't even my guys, either- because we had the 2nd most points in the league this week- meaning that if we would have played anyone else- ANYONE ELSE- we would have won. FRICK!

Week 13- Nothing to play for. No hope for a playoff birth. The end of an era. Season finale. The Snow Flurries have given everything for me this season- and it pains my heart that their perseverance will not be rewarded with a playoff birth. Instead, we'll be sitting home watching the playoffs. And we'll all have a nasty pukey taste in our mouths, thanks to the 85-67 stinker against El Diablo.
What went right- Well...Boldin came out of his coma to score 18 points. And Turner had a nice 14 point outing. And I guess da Bears D came up solid with 16 points against the Lions.
What went wrong- Last week, Dwayne Bowe came to play. This week, Dwayne Bowe came to get shut down. 0 points. Can't have your top guy score 0 points...unless someone else steps up. And that's just it- nobody else really stood up. Sam Bradford, starting as a Snow Flurry for the first time, played like a rookie (5 points) while seasoned vets Cutler and Big Ben each had 14. Steve Johnson followed up his 6 point effort by halving it (meanwhile McFadden had 16 points for someone else...man, those points would have looked nice on my roster).
Bonehead move- It should be probably be noted that Hernandez had 11 points in Waiver-land, while Heap hurt on 1st play of game and Gronkowski was not a factor. Leave it to Bill Belichek to kick me in the nads one last time whilst I lay writhing in agony on the floor.

Season over. Playoffs- not accomplished. It was quite a ride- and now it's over.

Next week (or maybe even this week if I feel motivated) I'll grade my draft effort. Then I'll look at the grades I gave my draft before the season started. Then I'll laugh at myself. And then? I'll start getting ready for next season. The NORTH Michigan Snow Flurries are going to be back with a vengence.

Snow Flurries transaction report- or in other words, why things fell apart when they did

I know, I know- there is still a week left of the season, 3 weeks of post season. But as I have already bared my soul for all to see, the NORTH Michigan Snow Flurries are done. The only thing we have left to play for is pride...and screw that, I say. We've been playing for pride. Now the only thing left to play for is to not have the #1 overall pick because in a serpentine draft system, the top pick is almost more of a curse than a blessing, because then you have to basically wait 2 whole rounds before you can pick again. Plus, who wants to tell their friends that they were the worst fantasy football player in their league last year. Actually, who talks about fantasy football to their friends?

Where did it all go wrong? Some might say injuries- and while there is some truth to that, the other truth is that there are always great waiver-wire finds throughout the season. Kyle Orton, Peyton Hillis, and Michael Vick are just a few of the names that ended up being available via waiver wire. This is one of the components of being a champion- you have to know when a free-floating football player is getting ready to explode, while knowing which player on your roster is ready to be cut loose. It's a dog-eat-dog food world out there.

Was I able to find any of them- or anyone worth while? Only this exclusive inside-my-mind feature will be able to answer that question. The inside-my-mind commentary will be in italics. In case you couldn't figure that out.

Sept. 4- Dropped Donnie Avery- Possibly a prophetic draft pick, because I found out after I drafted him that he was out for the year. Maybe next season I should at least do a little bit of prep work...

Sept. 6- Added Sam Bradford- Sam actually will be starting his first game for the Snow Flurries in Week 13- but he has looked very good on my bench this season, and is definitely in line for keeper status- after all, this guy has the look of a future superstar all over him, and a great keeper can go a long way in keeping an injury-filled season afloat (see- Manning, Peyton; Johnson, Chris;Brady, Tom, etc.).

Sept. 15- Dropped Ryan Grant, added Patriots defense-Once I realized that the longer I kept Grant around, the more likely it was that his teammates would realize that he was, in fact, alive, I had to drop him like a bad habit. I don't really have anything to say about the Patriots D.

Sept. 23- Traded Patriots D, Dustin Keller, T.J. Houshmanzadeh to dad for Anquan Boldin, Heath Miller, and Tim Hightower- Ah yes. The Patriots D. I was able to throw them in this trade for what ended up being Anquan Boldin. Unfortunately, Boldin was mentally unable to rebound from the time when I benched him and he scored 33 points, and wound up in a late-season free fall. This trade ended up basically doing nothing for anyone.

Sept. 29- Dropped Mohammed Massaquoi, added Jabar Gaffney- Another inconsequential move, other than to give me a guy that I would occasionally look at on the bench and wonder 'Why didn't I play that guy?'.

Oct.2- Dropped Miller, added Aaron Hernandez- Hernandez will always be synonymous in my mind with 'what might have been'. Do you know how frustrating it is to always read the football 'experts' talk about what a match-up nightmare that Hernandez is- and to so infrequently see that show up in his statistics? Does it matter to me that his abilities make things easier for the New England offense? This isn't fantasy compassion damnit, it's fantasy football!

Oct. 13- Added Tony Scheffler and Mike Hart, dropped Hightower- The Tim Hightower Experiment wasn't one of my finer moments. See ya! Hart- well, I was just hoping Hart could recapture some of the magic that made him one of the best high school running backs of all time. Or at least not suck very much. Scheffler was another one of my failed experiments to replace Jermichael Finley.

Oct. 16- Dropped Lawrence Tynes, added Sebastion Janikowski- Tynes was not 100% sure thing to kick for the Giants that week, so I figured 'what the hey' and picked up the Raiders K. What was initially meant to be a one week trial for Janikowski ended up in a full-ride scholarship. Hey, if colleges can pay their players under the table, surely a Fantasy Football team can offer to pay for a guy's education.

Oct. 20- Dropped Hart, added Chris Ivory- Going off of memory here- I believe that the only reason that Hart was even playing was that the guys ahead of him were hurt...and then he got hurt. And the guys ahead of him were getting better. Or something like that, who knows. Only, nostalgia is no reason to keep someone around in Fantasy Football. So sayonara Mike Hart. As for Chris Ivory? Injuries waylaid him too...just long enough for me to drop him, someone else to pick him up, and for him to score 15 points in back-to-back weeks late in the season, which of course for me would have been amazing.

Oct. 27- Dropped Ravens D, added Cardinals D and Ryan Fitzpatrick- I remember, very clearly, in the draft room when I drafted the Ravens D, and everyone was like, 'good pick Parksy'...and only 2 months later, I can't get rid of them fast enough. What happened, Ray Lewis? Are you trying to tell me that it's more important for you to win real games by playing sound defense than it is for you to score me lots of fantasy points by gambling and possibly get out of position? What kind of sick, sick bastard are you? Well, just to spite you, I not only dropped you from my roster, but I picked up the very Harvard-educated QB that carved you up like a cooked bird- the immortal Ryan Fitzpatrick.

Oct. 30- Dropped Jermichael Finley, Michael Crabtree and Sam Bradford, added Josh Freeman and Mike Williams- I am not usually prone to making careless or impulsive decisions...oh wait. Yes I am. However, this case isn't all careless or 100% impulsive. Freeman ended up starting some games for me, as did Williams. And besides- I picked up Crabtree and Bradford later on in the season. Obviously they were still available not because they were not very good- but out of blind loyalty to my managerial awesomeness they rebuffed all other offers and just waited around for me to call them back.

Nov. 2- Traded Chad Henne and Ryan Fitzpatrick for Jay Cutler and Jon Kitna- This trade actually worked out well for me. No, really, it did. After Tony Romo got hurt, there was a virtual QB carousel that never seemed to stop. By trading Henne and Doogie Howser, I was able to narrow it down to Josh Freeman. And if Kutler ever decided to snap out of his funk? Then I got a top tier fantasy QB for pennies on the dollar.

Nov. 3- Dropped Ivory, Kitna, and Scheffler, added Marcel Reese, Todd Heap, and Bradford, (Sam- welcome back- we missed ya! What's that? No no no no- that's not Jay Cutler chilling on the bench. Why would I pick up another QB- you're my #2 guy!) Also, at this point my search for running backs has all of the glamor of spring break college students and one night stands. I decided that I'm done with that. From now on, I'm going to be a faithful 2 running back guy (Turner and McFadden)...and, just to be safe, I'll get their back-ups too (Snelling and Reese). I suppose this is akin to marrying a woman, and then taking her sister to be your concubine. Unfortunately, I screwed up my waiver priorities,not thinking about the fact that no one would be going after Reese. And so it is that I messed up a chance to pick up Dallas Clark 2.0 (Jacob Tamme) at TE.

Nov. 10- Dropped Reese, added Josh Scobee- With my kicker on a bye week, I figured I'd add a kicker to help fill in for those missing points. And Reese was on a bye week too, so I was 100% confident if I ever wanted to add him to my roster again, I'd know right where to find him.

Nov. 13- Added Jacoby Ford- Anytime you have a young player with a name that can be legitimately pronounced more than seven different ways- well, you have to give that guy a chance, right?

Nov. 16- Dropped Josh Scobee- Well, I would have lost by more than 2 if I didn't have him, so thanks Josh. Oh, and thanks for missing 2 field goals and costing me the game, you twit (interesting bit of trivia...Josh Scobee was my first ever fantasy football kicker).

Nov. 17- Dropped Ford, added Crabtree- Sorry Jacoby. I'm sorry.

Nov. 23- Traded Mike Williams and Josh Freeman for Big Ben, John Kuhn- Well, after last season's controversy and chaos, it was nice to report that I was the perpetrator of this years first big conspiracy theory. Never mind the fact that this desperation move to get into the playoffs was contingent on A) Me winning both of my last two games, B) Team Doomsday losing both of his last two games, and C) Big Ben racking up huge amounts of fantasy points. Of course, most of those things didn't happen. Which is why I'll be watching the playoffs at home. On my TV. Hey, maybe I can invite the Detroit Lions over!

Nov. 23- Dropped John Kuhn- Dear John- I regret to inform you that you have been waived from the NORTH Michigan Snow Flurries. It's nothing personal- in fact, it's not you...it's me. You're a great guy, a hard working player, and you've even scored some. It's just that...well, the last two Packers I had ended up on Injured Reserve, and I have commitment issues.

Nov. 23- Traded Darren McFadden for Steve Johnson and Reggie Bush- This same trade was initially proposed to me with Javhid Best included. I turned it down, and counter-proposed the 2-for-1 trade. Oh, Javhid Best. I proposed a hail-mary trade for him after he torched the Eagles in Week 2, and was quickly turned down. Who would have thought that later in the season, Best would not only be a trade throw-in, but that he would get trade thrown-out?

As far as the trade itself goes- it was really just a strategical risk for me. McFadden has been a stud this year- but he's started to slow down as of late. Johnson, meanwhile, carries the p-word that all WRs carry. No, not that one. Potential. Maybe this is all in my head, but RBs seem to be more stable in their points- fluctuating usually on their TDs week to week. WRs? Sometimes they might get you 5 or 6, but one week they might get you a couple TDs, and a couple hundred yards and have like 20-30 points. Did it work? You'll have to tune in for my 2nd half synopsis to find out!

Nov. 24- Added Browns D- At this point in the season, anytime you can find a defense on the waiver wire that is playing a historically bad offense, you have to take a chance.

Nov. 30- Dropped Steve Smith, Cardinals D, Browns D, and Hernandez, added Rob Gronkowski- In what historians will likely call The Day That the Snow Flurries Waved The White Flag, I decided to waive the injured Smith (a solid possession receiver who would be a valuable playoff asset...if I was going to make the playoffs), my reserve defenses, and a rookie TE who could have been my amazing waiver wire pick-up. Unfortunately, Bill Belichik decided that I should have picked up the TE that his team drafted higher, and decided to mess with my mind by making Hernandez an integral part of the game plan just long enough to hook me in, and then BAM- he pulls him from relevance with the mere wave of his hand. Sheer cruelty. from the hand of the master. You win Belichik. This time.

Well, that's all the time we have for that. I hope you enjoyed it- or at the very least, you still want to be my friend. Like I said, tune in next time. For stuff.

First half report- My Fantasy Football Team (lame, I know...but aren't you even a little intrigued?)

Before I start this, you should know (if you don't already) that I have a serious case of the love-hate relationship with Fantasy Football. It's probably not a healthy thing. The fact that I am writing a detailed blog about my Fantasy Football team (and not for the first time) is probably a good indicator of the depth of my obsession. I spend every Sunday in agony at my latest misplay, every Monday morning lamenting my participation in this masochistic pursuit- and yet, the idea of walking away is basically a non-option.

I think there are some good things that come out of Fantasy Football. I think there is a lot of bad things that come out of Fantasy Football. I suppose that I have a chance to learn how to serenity to accept the things I can change, the courage to accept the things I cannot, and the wisdom to know the difference.

And what of the situations where things I can change and cannot change go to the crapper? Common Sense, which I have some control over, has betrayed me, and The Experts, who I am basically a slave to, are just as clueless as I am about the NFL.

See, Common Sense is just about the only friend that a Fantasy Football player has (aside from the Experts). As amazing as the information age is, we're not privy to everything. We don't get to watch all the practices. We don't get entry into the pain receptors of each athlete to know how hurt they really are. So all we can do is look at each match-up and use our Common Sense to determine who is most likely to score the most points. And when our Common Sense doesn't lean either way, we call upon The Experts to give us a little nudge in the right direction.

When your Common Sense and The Experts are wrong? Then you are effed.

Look, I know there are things I can't control. Ryan Grant gets hurt in the 2nd quarter of game 1? Hey, I can't do anything about that. Jermichael Finley gets hurt on the 2nd play of a recent game? Jesus, please heal him, and stat...unless they put him on injured reserve, and then it can probably wait. But Fantasy Football is all about this control-illusion, and the things you think you control actually rely very heavily on things that you have no control over- and it doesn't matter how much wisdom you acquire when you lose the game because you started the wrong RB.

I wish that I could tell you that I have some sort of new revelation about how to approach Fantasy Football. That I've unlocked the Holy Grail that no longer requires Common Sense or The Experts. But I haven't. I'm still just as clueless as I was before.

And yet, I am not without hope. My Snow Flurries have (pardon the pun) weathered the storm, endured an 0-4 start, and are currently on a 3 game winning streak. I'm one bad play away from being 4-3, so I feel pretty good about my team (of course, this comes at a price- when I was 0-4, I was enjoying the Fantasy Football experience much more than I am now that I am on a winning streak). We're healthy, we're talented...and we lost another key player to a long-term injury. I have absolutely no idea how the second half of the season is going to go.

For now, I just want to summarize the first half. I wanted to wait until season was over and do it like that (a la the first year), but I figured this way it'd be more fresh- this pain, these emotions, this bleeding heart of mine- and it would give me a therapeutic outlet heading into the second half.

Here's how I done so far:

Week 1- Opening week. Divisional match. Against my brother. What a way to set the tone for the Snow Flurries triumphant march towards the title. Oops- a loss. 97-71, I fall to Team Doomsday. And Ryan Grant falls onto the IR list. And my season falls apart (or not...I suppose it's still on life support-or able to eat some Jell-o).
What went right- I had some solid performances- Tony Romo (17 points) and Ronnie Brown (14 points) each put up double digits, as did Mohammed Massaquoi (10 points), Darren McFadden (20 points) and the Bears D (23 points).
What went wrong- The last three names on that list were all on my bench. Basically I left 53 points on the bench. But that wasn't the worst part-the real stinger is that Ryan Grant, my top draft choice, was injured for the season. The only saving grace for this week was that Calvin Johnson dropped the winning TD against the Bears and Josh left Hakeem Nicks (25 points) on the bench in place of Roy Williams (2 points). And by 'saving grace', I literally mean grace- because I could have lost by much more than I did. Thanks bro- much love!
Bonehead move- When you lose by 20+ points, it's hard to think of any move as a "bonehead" move. I should have started the Bears D vs the Lions (I got sucked into the whole "hope" fiasco), and if I would have given McFadden a chance he would have paid off- but honestly, when you lose your top RB for the season less than 2 quarters into the first game, you can't expect too much. Right?

Week 2- The Snow Flurries, still reeling from the tragic death of Ryan Grant, forget to show up in week 2 and lost by 50- Team Fergy providing the 131-81 dismantling.
What went right- My bench outscored his bench 114-70. So suck it Fergy! On a more serious note, I had some super outings from my RBs- McFadden had 15 points, and Jason Snelling, subbing for an injured Michael Turner, exploded for 36 points.
What went wrong- When I say "subbing for an injured Michael Turner", it's a literary device I am using to purposefully mislead you. What I'm neglecting to mention is that Turner got hurt in the 2nd quarter (hmmm...must remember to pray more during the 2nd quarter), after I had already started him. So all those points that Snelling scored were useless for me, except for puffing up my bench (which at this point would be 2-0 and has outscored my starting line-up both games). Also, my starting receivers racked up a grand total of 7 points (which was less than every single player on Fergy's team except one guy- who had 7 points of his own). Suck it Snow Flurries!
Bonehead move- Surprisingly- none! Snellings outburst came after an unforeseen injury, so I made the logical (read: Common Sense) play, most of my bench points came from D's and QB's, and none of them could have been started with any noticeable effect on the final score. I could have started Dustin Keller (18 points) at TE over Finley (11 points)...but again, the gain would have been minimal.

Week 3- This is where my friends Common Sense and The Experts must have had some sort of secret Illuminatiesque conference and decided that they were going to screw me. That's the only logical explanation I have for dropping a 127-118 heartbreaker to Team War Machine.
What went right- My team dedicates the remainder of the season to the memory of Ryan Grant (I don't have the heart to tell them that he's really just hurt) and comes out with guns blazing. I have 7 double digit point getters, and Turner and McFadden combine for 37 points. War Machine starts Matt Forte (3 points) and the other Steve Smith (2 points) in place of Brandon Lloyd (23 points) and Jeremy Maclin (20 points). The stars are lining up in my favor.
What went wrong- It's hard to get too down on oneself for making misplays- because the other guy can often make them as well. The thing is that in Fantasy Football, you depend on your opponent making stupid moves while you are busy being brilliant. So while War Machine made a couple plays that benefited me, I saw what he was doing and decided to raise him. Because of "Common Sense", I decided to start the Ravens D against the Cleveland Browns instead of the Bears D against the Packers. Can you tell me if there is a universe where a real life coach would have rather played against the Packers instead of the Browns? Well apparently there is- and it's the Fantasy universe, because the Bears D scored 36 points while the Ravens tallied 14. I was beside myself- how can I continue to live in a world where crappy offenses give my Fantasy defenses more trouble than great offenses? But that's okay, because newly acquired Anquan Boldin registered 33 points at...wait- what's that? I sat him? Why did I sit him? Oh yeah- Because the ESPN Fantasy Forecasters predicted Tim Hightower would have more points than he did. And Hightower did have more points than Boldin did-negative 29 more points to be exact.
Bonehead move- Listening to others instead of taking control of my team and running it my way. I swore then and there to never let another man dictate my Fantasy Football decisions. Obviously that lasted about all of 4 weeks.

Week 4- My team is on the ropes- and Team Bullies delivers the knock-out blow in a 105-82 defeat, knocking us to 0-4.
What went right- Chad Henne threw 3 interceptions. His real team lost 41-14. And I was happy as heck to have him at QB this week. With Romo on a bye week, I needed a fill-in starter. and 19 points was an extremely serviceable outing from the young gunslinger.
What went wrong- McFadden hurts his hamstring in the 4th quarter. I'm having flashbacks to 2009. The worst part is, though, that there is literally no other roster play that I could have made to win this game. None. Zero. Zilch. I was just flat out defeated by a better team. And sometimes, that stings worse than woulda/coulda/shoulda/
Bonehead move- None- I'm speechless. This is the low point. 0-4...forget the playoffs, let's just win a game. But with my top running back in the after-life, and my new top running back nursing a sore hamstring, and my receivers producing more eggs than a Leghorn chicken. It might be time to throw in the towel.

Week 5- With nothing to lose, and a 4-0 team visiting Marquette, I tell the team that Ryan Grant is actually alive. They seem- relieved! They aren't even bothered by the fact that their coach (many of whom regard me as a father figure) lied to them- they can see that what I did, I did to protect them because I care deeply for them. Armed with a new-found sense of faith in themselves (and more importantly, their coach), the Snow Flurries rally to defeat Team El Diablo 113-92 for their (and more importantly, my) first win of the year.
What went right- Tony Romo and daaaaaa Bears. They combine for 69 points- 69! Also, a special shout out has to go to the KC Chiefs actual defense, which held Peyton Manning to 7 points.
What went wrong- Probably the weirdest win I've ever had. Aside from the aforementioned stinker by Manning, I had 3 players score 0 points. That's right- a full third of my lineup had no points. I literally do no know how that happened. What's even more amazing- there is literally no way that El Diablo could have beat me- his top scoring line-up of the week would have still lost to me by 3. Oh yeah, I lost Jermichael Finley for the season on the second play of his game.
Bonehead move- Peyton Manning scores only 7 points? I win despite 3 players on the NO SOUP FOR YOU column? I'm not going to try and evaluate any sort of decision making- this is obviously just one of those flukes of probability.

Week 6- Another week, another upset victory- this time over Team Moose, 116-99. My team is really starting to buy in. Being the master motivator that I am, I had T-shirts made for my team to wear under their game jerseys.

Really, we're one bad week away from being a .500 team (of course, we're four bad weeks away from being undefeated, and two good weeks away from being winless).
What went right- My former kicker (Lawrence Tynes) was a little tweaked, and it was thought that he might not play (I guess The Experts are not totally daft)- so I dropped him and picked up Sebastian Janikowski, who banged home 10 points for the Snow Flurries. Tony Romo threw 3 scoring passes for the Cowboys, none of them went to Miles Austin. Finally, the Bears D, which was not doing very well at all (against the Seahawks- WTH???) came through in a big way at the end of their game when Devin Hester returned a punt 89 yards for a score that quadrupled their fantasy production.
What went wrong- Well, if I want to get greedy, I could say that I could have played Michael Crabtree instead of Steve Smith and picked up an extra 4 points (11 vs. 7)- but again, because of the NFL schedule (half of Team Moose's bench was on a bye week), there was no possible configuration that my foe could have ran that would have made up the difference.
Bonehead move- None. Maybe I've figured this Fantasy Football thing out. It's possible that I am the Bill Belichick of Fantasy Football.

Week 7- Well it turns out that I am in fact Bill Belichick- only instead of being the nerves-of-steel 3-time Super Bowl champion version, I'm version 1.suck. I spent the 1:00 round of games freaking out because I played the Bears over the Ravens D, and then the 4:00 games tearing hair out because I played Chris Ivory instead of Darren McFadden. I'm still trying to process whether I am happy because I won (130-102 over Team Dennis) or mad because I am an idiot.
What went right- Turner and Bowe each had 20+ points. Steve Smith had 17 for me, and Anquan Boldin had 15. Dennis leaves Percy Harvin (16 points) and Kenny Britt (42 points) on the bench.
What went wrong- Well let's just put this out there right now. Sunday morning, I was checking my roster, and I had this small, tiny voice in my head telling me to put in the Bears D and Darren McFadden. Was it God? I don't know. If God intervenes in Super Bowls, then surely He would give a guy a small Fantasy Football nudge. And of course, if you have a choice between listening to an omnipotent deity or finite Common Sense, you listen to the deity right? But here's the thing. It's the Ravens- playing the Bills. And "The Experts" said that (direct quote) "McFadden should be available if you need him, but it is probably best to use another option if possible".

Dear Lord, I appreciate You providing me some insider information. At this time, I have decided to pursue my own insights into this weeks match-ups. I'm sorry God, but You're trying to tell me that playing the Bears against D-McNabb is better for me than the Ravens versus the Bills? And Ryan Fitzpatrick? Really? Thanks but no thanks.

(I do hope that you will consider giving me future insider tips, because I am not very good at this Fantasy Football thing.)Well, at least I didn't suffer any more injuries. Oh wait. I did. Romo fractured his collarbone during the first half against the Giants. Out for several weeks. Possibly the season.
Bonehead move- Yeah...McFadden had 28 points...in the first half. 44 for the game. I still won- but I wouldn't have had to spend most of Sunday kicking myself in the ass for the big benching. How many times do you have a player score 40+ points in Fantasy Football? Not many. As for the D situation? One advantage of giving up a bunch of points is that you get a bunch of chances to return kicks (and get points in our league), and the Ravens scored 24 points (versus the 29 that the Bears put up with). So it was a wash...NOT.

So four consecutive losses followed by three consecutive victories. Three players lost for the season. We have been down- but not out. And as Ryan Grant lives, so do the Snow Flurries. We shall endure. We may lose every game for the rest of the season, but I will not fail to keep updating my roster. Besides, all is not lost-after all, if the season ended today, I'd be in the playoffs. (At the rate that my players are dropping, I really wish that the season was going to end today).

How will this all play out? Tune in 6 or so weeks to find out how the second half of my season goes! (Or you could just follow my Sunday status updates on Facebook and get a general idea for how I'm doing).