Season 2012 first half of the first half review (that's a quarter for those of you who can afford the change)

In an effort to provide you with even more inanely unnecessary fantasy football coverage, I am now providing my in-season game reports in quarterly fashion- that means twice as many articles for you to ignore!

Wait a second, who am I kidding?  You live for this stuff.

Week 1- I was expecting the Knights here (a Lions homer that I trounced twice last year), but with last minute division realignment I was left with a match-up against War Machine, a traditional thorn in my proverbial side.  At the end of the day, though, I apparently didn't need to spend $600 on that therapy session as the Snow Flurries ended up winning a 146-83 laugher.  I wonder if I can get a refund on all that Xanax...
What went right- 8 of 9 guys went for double digits- 3 in the 20s.  Wow.  Talk about overkill.  I mean, that escalated quickly, that really got out of hand fast.  Let me assure you that my team is not about embarrassing the opposition, and I made sure that I went over to the War Machine sideline and said I was really sorry and explained to him that this really isn't what we're about.

Then we shook hands.  Then we yelled.

Oh well.  I'm not here to make friends.  Actually that's not true.  Besides, things are so good right now that I don't even care that Dwayne Bowe only had 5 points.  Do you remember how I pretty much lamented the drafting of Gore, Ridley, Jones, and...well, everyone?  I sure don't.  This is my team.  These are my guys.  Don't you come all up in here, pissing all over our cornflakes unless you're bladder somehow secretes sweet, sweet buttermilk.  We're the Snow Flurries, and we're awesome!
What went wrong- Nothing.  I played my best guys and they had the most points.  The end.
Bonehead play- Again, nothing.  This week was pretty much the definition of fantasy perfection.  The Snow Flurries are well on their way to another season that raises the expectations just enough to thoroughly crush all hope in the playoffs.

Week 2- If week 1 was the triumphant sequel to my 2011 overture (think "Godfather II"), then week 2 was "Weekend at Bernie's 2".  And just like that, my season has started going downhill faster than an porta-potty on wheels.  Matched up against Center League newcomer Fergette, the Snow Flurries welcoming party forgets to bring a dish to pass in a 153-86 loss. 
What went right- Bowe redeems himself with a 23 point outing, and Tom Brady (barely) has 17.  My attempts to motivate Frank Gore by trashing him out-of-hand are clearly working as he has a second straight strong outing. And, um... not all of Fergettes dudes go for double digits.
What went wrong- Start with the injuries- Aaron Hernandez went out in the first quarter of his game, Matt Forte in the third.  At least Forte got hurt in Week 2 instead of late in the season like last year, so I'll have more time to find a replacement/kick myself for not securing Michael Bush as a handcuff.  Also, I mentioned that not all of Fergette's players went for double digits- merely 7 of 9.  On top of that, Victor Cruz, Reggie Bush, CJ Spiller simply went off, scoring 85 points by themselves.  Let that simmer for a minute- three players on the opposing team scored one point less than my entire team was able to muster. 
Bonehead play-Well, since I didn't have Cruz, Bush, or Spiller to sit on my bench...I'd have to say leaving Ingram riding the pine against the Carolina Panthers, who seem to have one of the worst run defenses in the history of bad run defenses.  Of course, this information really wouldn't have helped me this week- I was run out of the gym.  Still, it goes to show how little I'm really paying attention.  When has that ever come back to bite me though?

Try the very next week.

Week 3- One play.  One.  Stinking. Play.  That's it.  That's all that separated sweet, sweet victory over two-time champion Disco and a division leading 2-1 record with defeat and a 1-2 start .  One play that I didn't make, and now I'm sitting here wallowing in the misery of a 92-84 defeat.  Ah, ineptitude.  My old friend.  I really missed you.
What went right- Robbie Gould had 13 points.  My kicker.  13 points.  And really, that's about the best thing I can say for my team this week. 
What went wrong- They say confession is good for the soul, and while I'll get more in depth in the 'Bonehead Moves' part of the show, right here I'll just come out and say it: I sat Andre Brown and his 25 points.  Yeah, that really doesn't feel any better.  What really killed me though was Peyton Manning's 26 points.   Especially since he was busy sucking the first 2.5 quarters (I even saw a couple of his throws in the third quarter and it reminded me of...well, me).  I've now been beaten in successive weeks by Reggie Bush and post-neck operation Peyton.  I just don't know what else can possibly go wrong. 
Bonehead move- Long story short, I jumped off the Ryan Williams bandwagon about as quickly as I jumped on it.  He was averaging a little over a yard per carry and had two fumbles in two games.  Not exactly the stuff of legend- unless you're talking the legend of The Incompetent Duckling.  So I dropped him and picked up Brown after a nice little 7 point outing in the stead of the injured Ahmad Bradshaw.  Similar thing happened last year on the Giants with some dude named Victor Cruz.  Seemed to work out pretty well for him- and for me.

So after deftly swiping Brown off of the waiver wire right before he plays against the not-very-good Panthers D- I sit him.  I'm not sure why.  Maybe I missed the part where he was playing the Panthers.  Perhaps I was a little too enraptured by the idea of Jonathan Dwyer (whom I saw have, like, a 70ish yard run this one time).  It could have been the early season Thursday night game threw me off.  Whatever the case- I sat 25 points and started -2 points, even though I knew that Brown was going to be getting most of the carries for the Giants and Dwyer was going to be sharing carries with Isaac Redman.  I tried to beat the system, and the system destroyed me.

What really, REALLY sucks is that I can't even draw solace from my concubine league because my mom (my mom!  I freaking lost to my mom!!!) had Ray Rice and Joe Flacco, which basically doubled her point output Sunday night and turn a sure win into a definite loss.  Oh, and Ryan Williams?  He only had 9 points- 9 points which in place of the negadeuce that Dwyer dropped would have won me the game as well.  The lesson here, as always- trust a Cardinal before you trust a Steeler and your mom is better at fantasy football than you. 



After leading the league in scoring last season and getting off to that same type of start, we're falling apart.  Well, maybe 'falling apart' is too strong.  Really I'm one bad play away from being 2-1.  I can't panic when I'm one bad play away from being 2-1.  I had somebody offer a trade to take Julio Jones away from me- he offered a couple solid players, but right now is not the time for solid.  Now is the time to remember who we are, circle the wagons and remind my team that at full strength, we blew everybody else away in week 1.  And also, time to go back to the pharmacy and see if I can get some of that Xanax back. 

I feel pretty good about my team (other than Jonathan Dwyer, who I jettisoned faster than Harry Dunne on Turbo Lax I'll spare you the hyperlink.  My draft, other than the injuries and poor performances, has panned out rather nicely, led by Frank Gore who has drastically exceeded expectations (to be fair, he could have pulled a Billy Cole and still been slightly better than I was anticipating).  All I know is that it's a long season and nobody ever won a championship after the first three weeks.  Well, except for the Miami Heat.  And we all know how that turned out.

PIC: http://cdn.bleacherreport.net/images_root/images/photos/001/404/276/129390268_crop_650x440.jpg?1318892311

Draftstravaganza 2012: The entrée

After enduring the bitter defeat of not getting onto the Fantasy Island (which I survived by convincing myself that I was one of the last cuts) and wallowing in the filth of my own misery, it's back to work.  After all, this blog isn't just going to write itself!

So let's talk about my draft....hmmmm....what can I say about my draft...I don't know?  I just don't know.  Yeah, that's it.  I'm running on the platform of my consistent and well-documented incompetence.

I had a hard time getting excited about anyone's prospects this year.  Maybe I've read too many smart articles (smarticles?).  Maybe I've watched too much soccer the past couple of years and I'm anticipating a bunch of ridiculously low scoring games, culminating the New England Patriots advancing from the group stage with an 2-13-1 (wins/draws/losses in soccer land) record and winning the Super Bowl on penalty kicks.  Whatever the case, there were really no instances where my name came up in the draft and I thought 'Oh my goodness, I can't believe no one else had the foresight to draft this league-winning touchdown machine'.  It was more like 'Oh my goodness, I paid $30 to draft this guy?  In this round???'.

Plus, in my defense...it didn't help that I was trying really hard to sit there at the kitchen table to just do my draft, and all these other things kept happening.  I had to give the kids a bath, my brother's girlfriend came over (so they forced me to get off the computer and go meet her), I didn't get much sleep (we went to a baseball game the night before), my mom made white chili (I'll let you use your imagination as to why that was a distraction), I forgot how to read...

This Fantasy Football draft thing is so hard!

But whatever.  The great ones can shake off distractions like Jason Bourne getting accosted at the consulate.  And yes, not only did I imply that I am great, but that my greatness is on par with Jason Bourne.  So this is where I give you my 2012 draft to make your own judgment of my abilities.  Just as long as you're not making that assessment by actual on-field performance or something arbitrary like that.

Round 1
Didn't get: Greg Jennings, WR- I was pretty locked into getting a running back here anyways, especially since running backs were flying off the board with the quickness.  Unfortunately, I sort of got caught with my pants down and ended up with...
Frank Gore, RB Your first round pick can potentially ruin your feelings about your entire draft, as I found out this past weekend.  I realize I'm painting myself into a "John Henry regret" corner by saying this- but I'm not very excited about Frank Gore.  Frank, I really hope it doesn't make this awkward around the clubhouse this year, but I just...well, I just planned on a couple other running backs being available, and then they weren't and I really hadn't researched you but you were the only name at the top of the RB board that I recognized and I panicked and then I read what Matthew Berry had to say and I...look, no hard feelings, okay?  Just try not to suck/get hurt, we'll make it through this year and I'll dump you back in the draft proper.
Of course, I could have had: Andre Johnson, WR-  At least he's a guy I wouldn't have taken anyways (injured last year, plays for a ground-n-pound type team), so that was some consolation for my inconvenient first round.

Round 2
Didn't get: Mike Wallace, WR- One of those guys I wouldn't have drafted unless it was the last round and the entire NFC had been whisked off to Secret Wars.  Holdout, new offensive system, with an up-and-comer at the same position (Antonio Brown)-sorry Mike Wallace, you're going to have to play your 60 Minutes for someone else (eh, eh?  Did you see what I did there?).  And then I went for...
Julio Jones, WR.  Not that I necessarily wanted to, mind you.  I would have probably felt amazing about Jones in round 4 and pretty good in round 3.  Here in round 2 though, it feels a little feels like a reach (with the injury troubles last season and the fact that I'm not the biggest Matty Ice fan)...but I really didn't like any of the WRs at that spot and didn't want to miss out on the top WRs.  So, welcome to the Snow Flurries...now is that J-J-Jewelio or H-H-Who-lio?  This is not a trivial question.  I'm going to be on a first name (or abbreviation) basis with you this season, and I need to know whether to refer to you as JJ or HJ.
Could have had: Michael Turner, RB- It would have been neat to nab Turner somewhere, just to see him add to his career Snow Flurry point totals.  Of course, Turner is on the wrong side of the 30/30 something, and if there's one thing we don't do here with the Snow Flurries, it's spend high draft picks on old running backs who have some injury history and are at or approaching the age of 30.  Oh, hey there, Frank......it's only awkward if we let it be.

Round 3
Didn't get: BenJarvus Green-Ellis- I suppose he could have a solid/really good season for the Bengals this year (obviously someone thought so, they drafted him in the third round)- I've just never been a huge fan of the Law Firm.  I mean the player.  The nickname?  It's golden. Anyways I went ahead and drafted...
Stevan Ridley, RB Another pick that feels like a reach (and yes, I'm really regretting my half-assed 'attempt' at preparation), nonetheless Ridley had some bright moments in 2011 and with the Law Firm setting up his practice in Cincy, Ridley's Believe-it-or-not could be a great pick, especially if he gets dibs on the goal line carries that are now up for grabs.  Plus- Shane Vereen, his main competitor, suffered a preseason injury that I'm hoping gives RBI (yes, you just witnessed me co-opting a nickname and then abbreviating it because it was too freaking long) the upper hand in the competition.
Could have had: Steve Smith (Panthers).  Perhaps even more than Cam Newton, Smith was the biggest surprise to come out of the Carolina resurgence.  The difference in 2012 is that Newton still has his prime to hit, while Smith fumbled his out of bounds about 3 autumns ago. 

Round 4
Didn't get: Miles Austin, WR- If this was 2010, I might be a little angry that someone had the wherewithal to pick Austin right before I did.  But he hasn't produced at that high of a level since then, and besides- if I was going to reach for a receiver who had a legendary season and then fell back to Earth, with a 2012 prognosis riddled with question marks, I was gonna draft...
Dwayne Bowe, WR Take the Prodigal Son.  Marinate in some That Part Where Aslan Died.  Mix in a little bit of Willow, a dash of August Rush, and a pinch of Chuck Bass and Blair Waldorf.  Stir in some Lord of the Rings and 'Luke, I am your father'.  Sprinkle on some zest of 'You had me at hello'.  That is the appetizer to the entree that is epic awesomeness of Dwayne Bowe coming home this season.  Please, please- don't talk to me about Matt Cassel and the hold out until tomorrow.  Right now, it's all about Dwayne. 
I guess I could have had: DeSean Jackson, WR- Maybe?  But there's no one else I would have rather had here, right now, than Dwayne Bowe, forever the Adrian to my Rocky.

Round 5
Didn't get: Percy Harvin, WR- For the first time, I kick myself a little (but only a little- and even then, only after reading some statistics of the Harvin/Ponder connection late in the season) for not getting a chance at someone.  But then I remember that this guy's bones are made of peanut brittle, and I relax a little and go for....
Aaron Hernandez, TE I'm not sure about this pick- it sort of feels like a reach, but it could also be a steal.  I was going to go for a back-up QB here, but then there was a little mini-run on TEs and so I wanted to make sure I got a decent starter.  While the Gronk will probably get the lion's share of the catches and TDs, Brady spreads the ball around enough (and New England runs enough two TE sets) to make Hernandez a solid starter here.
Could have had:Fred Davis, TE- This is less of an indictment on Davis and more of a testament to my faith in Brady and the Patriots system (which itself is a symptom of my situational amnesia).  Davis would have probably been a better pick for me- but I think that Hernandez is going to be just as solid with more upside (even if Belichik did mysteriously erase Hernandez from existence for a very crucial week during my 2010 season).

Round 6
Didn't get: Kevin Smith, RB- One thing being a Lions fan has taught me over the years is that you never, ever, EVER draft a Lions RB (Barry Sanders not withstanding).  This is not a team with a proud history of ball toters.  So Kevin Smith was not a player I had in my sights this year.  Which is good, I suppose, because it allowed me to draft...
Philip Rivers, QB Hey hey hey, let's calm down people!  Yes, I know that I already have Tom Brady, and barring injury there's no way that Rivers sees the field.  So what gives?  Isn't round 6 sort of high to buy a back-up QB?  Perhaps.  Nay, probably.  But to me, this pick was all about leveraging assets.  There was no other player at this spot in the draft that I felt was worth as much as Phillip Rivers.  Rivers is a known commodity, a top-10 QB year in and year out.  Simply put, this was a value pick for me.  Rivers is a guy that gives me immediate relief in the short term should something happen to Brady (vigorously searching for some wood to knock the crap out of) and if both Rivers and Brady are hot, then I can try and deal Rivers for some other players at positions I'll likely be needing (no offense, rounds 1-5 guys).  And if both somehow happen to suck?  Well, then I'm screwed regardless. 
Could have had:Tony Gonzalez, TE- I suppose it's possible that in the end I should have taken Gonzalez instead of Hernandez a round back.  Gonzalez may not have the upside, but he's also a known commodity at this point and unlike Hernandez, he won't be sharing a lot of TE targets.  And now I've gone and talked myself out of Aaron Hernandez.  Well that's just great!

Round 7
Didn't get: Cedric Benson, RB- Another guy I never really had my sights on.  In a couple months, he'll join the 30/30 something club, and going to a new scheme where Aaron Rodgers is king- it just doesn't feel like a good fit (for real or for fantasy)  So I got this guy instead...
Darius Moore, WR As I look back over my draft, one word comes instantly to mind- REACH. 

Which sucks, come to think about it

As in, I probably picked many of my players a round or more ahead of where I could have got them.  Moore is one of those guys.  I think pretty highly of him, actually- Carson Palmer should look more like Carson and less like Jordan Palmer this year, and the Experts think pretty highly of his potential.  It's just that I probably could have had him a little later on.  Then again...
Could have had: Packers D- If people are already breaking out the defenses, I could have had him a lot later.  Great.  Just. Fricking. Great.

Well, that's rounds 1-7 of my great mistake 2012 draft.  In the interest of keeping your interest, I've decided to take what was supposed to be a one-and-done draft recap and turn it into an epic Trilogy.  Except unlike Star Wars and Lord of the Rings, I definitely saved the retreads and long-shots for last.  So...we'll see you next week?

PIC- http://www.quickmeme.com/meme/3ptwl9/

Snow Flurries Season 2: 2nd half synopsis

Sometimes, when I do these game summaries, I go back through, looking for anything that might give me an edge for the next game, or the next season. Analyzing tendencies, scouring weather reports, reading briefings. Then I remember- it's all fake. And there is no method to any of this madness.

With that said, here is how the 2nd half of my season played out.

Week 8- My first of two shots at a .500 record, and a (seemingly) favorable matchup against the Parx Rangers (my dad's team)...and I fire blanks, losing 117-96.
What went right- Recent acquiree Cardinals D fills in admirably for da' Bears by scoring 28 points. Janikowski has 15 points. I also get solid efforts from McFadden (14) and Fitzpatrick (16).
What went wrong- Apparently it was the Snow Flurries bye week, as many of my top guys (Turner, Bears D, Boldin, Smith) do not play against anyone other than themselves. Michael Crabtree scores 11 points- but he does so on the waiver wire, because I cut him to pick up Mike Williams (2 points). I feel like the ghost of Matt Millen still haunts me. Also, the one game of the season that Matthew Stafford starts and finishes- yup, it's against me. 32 points. It didn't help that Larry Fitzgerald had his highest scoring performance at 19 points.
Bonehead move- Because of all the byes, it's really tough to say because no roster combo would have netted me any more points. Sure, dropping Crabtree was a hindsight stupid, but it was his first game with Troy Smith at QB. How was I to know Troy Smith wasn't going to royally suck?

Week 9- A rematch against my brothers' Team Doomsday, with 3rd place (and a playoff spot) on the line, and my team comes through for me. HUGE. Snow Flurries win easily (sort of) 123-99.
What went right- When it's your fantasy day, it's your fantasy day. 7 of my 9 players go for double digits, and I even left points on the bench at 3 positions. My brother leaves Phillip Rivers (33 points) on the bench for Big Ben (11 points), and his K Bironas has a bye week.
What went wrong- It didn't cost me this week- but Brown outscored McFadden 15-8, and da' Bears had a 41-24 margin over the Cards' D. Like I said, it didn't cost me- but it could have.
Bonehead move- There are no bonehead moves in victory. I have to tell myself this. Because my self esteem is really low, and if I don't speak positive things to myself, I'll just fall apart.

Week 10- Chance number 2 at .500, and I fail. Utterly and completely fail. This is probably the most painful loss of my fantasy career, on many levels. Suffice it to say that my 112-110 loss to Team Fergy is still resonating deep in my happy place even today.
What went right- My team worked their asses off. Coming back from a 30+ point deficit, they scored a total that (even with my foul-ups) would have beat most other teams in the league. Dwayne Bowe is the latest child of fortune, as the Broncos jump all over the Chiefs and force them to throw the ball all the time (Bowe ends up with 31 points for me). In fact, I was leading Fergy 110-109 heading into the last game of the night- Patriots versus Steelers. More on this in a second.
What went wrong- Smith is out with an injured peck- jeez, I didn't realize that this was the La Leche league (um, just kidding Steve- hurry up and get better). I decide that the Cardinals D (18 points) playing against the Seahawks was a better choice than da Bears (35 points) against the Vikings. Now, this isn't as asinine of a move as it might seem. Matt Hasselbeck was not guaranteed to start versus the Cards, and Favre was coming off of a career high 446 yards passing. Of course- I forgot that Favre's arm fell has completely fallen off. Also, I left Todd Heap (11 points) on the bench in place of Aaron Hernandez (assuming he got lost on the way to Heinz field and just didn't show up to the game). Hernandez not only scores 0 points for the Patriots, he does so in such a fashion that the National Center for Missing Adults gets involved.
Bonehead move- Relying on human beings for this game. Why don't we do fantasy Madden? Seriously, nobody is more disappointing than human beings. You know how many different ways I could have won this game- or at least tied it- without humans making human mistakes? Josh Scobee (my fill-in kicker) misses 2 field goals. Chansi Stuckey fumbles in OT against the Jets (Fergy's D). The Chiefs miss on a pair of 2-point conversion passes to Bowe. Mike Williams misses a pass in the red zone. Jason Snelling scores 12 points against the Ravens, while his forward-up Turner racks up all of 3. And how about WHAT WAS BELICHEK THINKING!?!!? Seriously, just one week after scoring 2 TDs against the Browns, Hernandez is AWOL while fellow rookie TE Rob Gronkowski scores 3 TDs against the Steelers. 3 TDs!!! Couldn't at least one of those gone to Aaron Hernandez? Remember him- you threw a pair of scoring passes to him last week? That guy?

Week 11- This is the point where all the injuries and all the mistakes start to add up. We are a mentally weary bunch, falling apart at the wrong time. Playing my arch-nemesis War Machine and needing a win to keep my dim playoff prospects alive, the Snow Flurries instead find themselves on the short end of a 127-96 score.
What went right- I felt bad for the Dolphins. Having lost their top two QBs to injury on Sunday, having to play their 3rd string QB against the Bears on a short week (they played on Thursday), knowing how much injuries have ruined my own season- I almost left the Bears D on the bench. Almost. Then I snapped into cutthroat mode, started the Bears, and watched as they racked up 22 points in a shut-out effort. Bowe and Turner also went for 20+ each for my squad. Jeff also made a (hindsight) bad move by leaving Thomas Jones and his 19 points on the bench in exchange for the 5 points that Stephen Jackson put up.
What went wrong- My match-ups were horrible. McFadden vs. the Steelers? He was forecast for 17 points (which I knew was not going to happen)- but still, to have him only put up 2 was a huge letdown. And it wasn't like I could sit him for a more favorable match-up, because Ronnie Brown was going up against a Bears D that could afford to ignore the pass. Additionally, Aaron Rodgers racked up 39 points, which destroyed me.
Bonehead move- I played Crabtree (1 point) over Williams (11 points). The move wouldn't have won me the game- but it would have helped.

Week 12-Ah yes- the week of the trade deadline. Also known as mercenary time. In real sports, the contenders try to solidify their title hopes, the fringe playoff teams try to make that final playoff push, and the dregs try and get something to show for their talented free agents that plan on leaving during the off-season. You can probably guess which one of those categories I fall into. Needing to win both of my last 2 games and have Josh lose both of his last 2- I make a couple blockbuster deals to swing the pendulum. Unfortunately, we played against Team Disco, the highest scoring team in the league. Still, my boys gave it their all. Despite trailing by over 50 points at one time, the Snow Flurries battled bravely and fell by a (narrower than it appears) 153-128 score.
What went right- Dwayne Bowe came to play- 36 points for my main man. Turner had a nice 18 on the day as well. And, perhaps most importantly of all, Chris Johnson of Team Disco has a big goose egg. Yes, you read that right. Chris Johnson. 0 points. How can I lose?
What went wrong-How can I lose? Well I am about to tell you. Rent-a-cop Big Ben, projected for 26, needed all of regulation and most of an OT period even have 10 (the other QBs on my roster each had twice that at the halftime mark of their respective games). Steve Johnson, whom I traded for Darren McFadden, had 6 and dropped a pass in the endzone that would have won the game for the Bills. Of course, McFadden had 6 too- so this week the trade was a wash. Oh, and how about Brady and Peyton Hillis each putting up 38 and Nate Kaeding having a 20 spot for Team Disco.
Bonehead move- You know what? I didn't make any bonehead moves. I'm tired of taking responsibility for these slackers. I put my faith in some of you guys- and you let me down. You let me down hard. So I made all the right moves. I was genius. Sheer brilliance. And really, it wasn't even my guys, either- because we had the 2nd most points in the league this week- meaning that if we would have played anyone else- ANYONE ELSE- we would have won. FRICK!

Week 13- Nothing to play for. No hope for a playoff birth. The end of an era. Season finale. The Snow Flurries have given everything for me this season- and it pains my heart that their perseverance will not be rewarded with a playoff birth. Instead, we'll be sitting home watching the playoffs. And we'll all have a nasty pukey taste in our mouths, thanks to the 85-67 stinker against El Diablo.
What went right- Well...Boldin came out of his coma to score 18 points. And Turner had a nice 14 point outing. And I guess da Bears D came up solid with 16 points against the Lions.
What went wrong- Last week, Dwayne Bowe came to play. This week, Dwayne Bowe came to get shut down. 0 points. Can't have your top guy score 0 points...unless someone else steps up. And that's just it- nobody else really stood up. Sam Bradford, starting as a Snow Flurry for the first time, played like a rookie (5 points) while seasoned vets Cutler and Big Ben each had 14. Steve Johnson followed up his 6 point effort by halving it (meanwhile McFadden had 16 points for someone else...man, those points would have looked nice on my roster).
Bonehead move- It should be probably be noted that Hernandez had 11 points in Waiver-land, while Heap hurt on 1st play of game and Gronkowski was not a factor. Leave it to Bill Belichek to kick me in the nads one last time whilst I lay writhing in agony on the floor.

Season over. Playoffs- not accomplished. It was quite a ride- and now it's over.

Next week (or maybe even this week if I feel motivated) I'll grade my draft effort. Then I'll look at the grades I gave my draft before the season started. Then I'll laugh at myself. And then? I'll start getting ready for next season. The NORTH Michigan Snow Flurries are going to be back with a vengence.

Snow Flurries transaction report- or in other words, why things fell apart when they did

I know, I know- there is still a week left of the season, 3 weeks of post season. But as I have already bared my soul for all to see, the NORTH Michigan Snow Flurries are done. The only thing we have left to play for is pride...and screw that, I say. We've been playing for pride. Now the only thing left to play for is to not have the #1 overall pick because in a serpentine draft system, the top pick is almost more of a curse than a blessing, because then you have to basically wait 2 whole rounds before you can pick again. Plus, who wants to tell their friends that they were the worst fantasy football player in their league last year. Actually, who talks about fantasy football to their friends?

Where did it all go wrong? Some might say injuries- and while there is some truth to that, the other truth is that there are always great waiver-wire finds throughout the season. Kyle Orton, Peyton Hillis, and Michael Vick are just a few of the names that ended up being available via waiver wire. This is one of the components of being a champion- you have to know when a free-floating football player is getting ready to explode, while knowing which player on your roster is ready to be cut loose. It's a dog-eat-dog food world out there.

Was I able to find any of them- or anyone worth while? Only this exclusive inside-my-mind feature will be able to answer that question. The inside-my-mind commentary will be in italics. In case you couldn't figure that out.

Sept. 4- Dropped Donnie Avery- Possibly a prophetic draft pick, because I found out after I drafted him that he was out for the year. Maybe next season I should at least do a little bit of prep work...

Sept. 6- Added Sam Bradford- Sam actually will be starting his first game for the Snow Flurries in Week 13- but he has looked very good on my bench this season, and is definitely in line for keeper status- after all, this guy has the look of a future superstar all over him, and a great keeper can go a long way in keeping an injury-filled season afloat (see- Manning, Peyton; Johnson, Chris;Brady, Tom, etc.).

Sept. 15- Dropped Ryan Grant, added Patriots defense-Once I realized that the longer I kept Grant around, the more likely it was that his teammates would realize that he was, in fact, alive, I had to drop him like a bad habit. I don't really have anything to say about the Patriots D.

Sept. 23- Traded Patriots D, Dustin Keller, T.J. Houshmanzadeh to dad for Anquan Boldin, Heath Miller, and Tim Hightower- Ah yes. The Patriots D. I was able to throw them in this trade for what ended up being Anquan Boldin. Unfortunately, Boldin was mentally unable to rebound from the time when I benched him and he scored 33 points, and wound up in a late-season free fall. This trade ended up basically doing nothing for anyone.

Sept. 29- Dropped Mohammed Massaquoi, added Jabar Gaffney- Another inconsequential move, other than to give me a guy that I would occasionally look at on the bench and wonder 'Why didn't I play that guy?'.

Oct.2- Dropped Miller, added Aaron Hernandez- Hernandez will always be synonymous in my mind with 'what might have been'. Do you know how frustrating it is to always read the football 'experts' talk about what a match-up nightmare that Hernandez is- and to so infrequently see that show up in his statistics? Does it matter to me that his abilities make things easier for the New England offense? This isn't fantasy compassion damnit, it's fantasy football!

Oct. 13- Added Tony Scheffler and Mike Hart, dropped Hightower- The Tim Hightower Experiment wasn't one of my finer moments. See ya! Hart- well, I was just hoping Hart could recapture some of the magic that made him one of the best high school running backs of all time. Or at least not suck very much. Scheffler was another one of my failed experiments to replace Jermichael Finley.

Oct. 16- Dropped Lawrence Tynes, added Sebastion Janikowski- Tynes was not 100% sure thing to kick for the Giants that week, so I figured 'what the hey' and picked up the Raiders K. What was initially meant to be a one week trial for Janikowski ended up in a full-ride scholarship. Hey, if colleges can pay their players under the table, surely a Fantasy Football team can offer to pay for a guy's education.

Oct. 20- Dropped Hart, added Chris Ivory- Going off of memory here- I believe that the only reason that Hart was even playing was that the guys ahead of him were hurt...and then he got hurt. And the guys ahead of him were getting better. Or something like that, who knows. Only, nostalgia is no reason to keep someone around in Fantasy Football. So sayonara Mike Hart. As for Chris Ivory? Injuries waylaid him too...just long enough for me to drop him, someone else to pick him up, and for him to score 15 points in back-to-back weeks late in the season, which of course for me would have been amazing.

Oct. 27- Dropped Ravens D, added Cardinals D and Ryan Fitzpatrick- I remember, very clearly, in the draft room when I drafted the Ravens D, and everyone was like, 'good pick Parksy'...and only 2 months later, I can't get rid of them fast enough. What happened, Ray Lewis? Are you trying to tell me that it's more important for you to win real games by playing sound defense than it is for you to score me lots of fantasy points by gambling and possibly get out of position? What kind of sick, sick bastard are you? Well, just to spite you, I not only dropped you from my roster, but I picked up the very Harvard-educated QB that carved you up like a cooked bird- the immortal Ryan Fitzpatrick.

Oct. 30- Dropped Jermichael Finley, Michael Crabtree and Sam Bradford, added Josh Freeman and Mike Williams- I am not usually prone to making careless or impulsive decisions...oh wait. Yes I am. However, this case isn't all careless or 100% impulsive. Freeman ended up starting some games for me, as did Williams. And besides- I picked up Crabtree and Bradford later on in the season. Obviously they were still available not because they were not very good- but out of blind loyalty to my managerial awesomeness they rebuffed all other offers and just waited around for me to call them back.

Nov. 2- Traded Chad Henne and Ryan Fitzpatrick for Jay Cutler and Jon Kitna- This trade actually worked out well for me. No, really, it did. After Tony Romo got hurt, there was a virtual QB carousel that never seemed to stop. By trading Henne and Doogie Howser, I was able to narrow it down to Josh Freeman. And if Kutler ever decided to snap out of his funk? Then I got a top tier fantasy QB for pennies on the dollar.

Nov. 3- Dropped Ivory, Kitna, and Scheffler, added Marcel Reese, Todd Heap, and Bradford, (Sam- welcome back- we missed ya! What's that? No no no no- that's not Jay Cutler chilling on the bench. Why would I pick up another QB- you're my #2 guy!) Also, at this point my search for running backs has all of the glamor of spring break college students and one night stands. I decided that I'm done with that. From now on, I'm going to be a faithful 2 running back guy (Turner and McFadden)...and, just to be safe, I'll get their back-ups too (Snelling and Reese). I suppose this is akin to marrying a woman, and then taking her sister to be your concubine. Unfortunately, I screwed up my waiver priorities,not thinking about the fact that no one would be going after Reese. And so it is that I messed up a chance to pick up Dallas Clark 2.0 (Jacob Tamme) at TE.

Nov. 10- Dropped Reese, added Josh Scobee- With my kicker on a bye week, I figured I'd add a kicker to help fill in for those missing points. And Reese was on a bye week too, so I was 100% confident if I ever wanted to add him to my roster again, I'd know right where to find him.

Nov. 13- Added Jacoby Ford- Anytime you have a young player with a name that can be legitimately pronounced more than seven different ways- well, you have to give that guy a chance, right?

Nov. 16- Dropped Josh Scobee- Well, I would have lost by more than 2 if I didn't have him, so thanks Josh. Oh, and thanks for missing 2 field goals and costing me the game, you twit (interesting bit of trivia...Josh Scobee was my first ever fantasy football kicker).

Nov. 17- Dropped Ford, added Crabtree- Sorry Jacoby. I'm sorry.

Nov. 23- Traded Mike Williams and Josh Freeman for Big Ben, John Kuhn- Well, after last season's controversy and chaos, it was nice to report that I was the perpetrator of this years first big conspiracy theory. Never mind the fact that this desperation move to get into the playoffs was contingent on A) Me winning both of my last two games, B) Team Doomsday losing both of his last two games, and C) Big Ben racking up huge amounts of fantasy points. Of course, most of those things didn't happen. Which is why I'll be watching the playoffs at home. On my TV. Hey, maybe I can invite the Detroit Lions over!

Nov. 23- Dropped John Kuhn- Dear John- I regret to inform you that you have been waived from the NORTH Michigan Snow Flurries. It's nothing personal- in fact, it's not you...it's me. You're a great guy, a hard working player, and you've even scored some. It's just that...well, the last two Packers I had ended up on Injured Reserve, and I have commitment issues.

Nov. 23- Traded Darren McFadden for Steve Johnson and Reggie Bush- This same trade was initially proposed to me with Javhid Best included. I turned it down, and counter-proposed the 2-for-1 trade. Oh, Javhid Best. I proposed a hail-mary trade for him after he torched the Eagles in Week 2, and was quickly turned down. Who would have thought that later in the season, Best would not only be a trade throw-in, but that he would get trade thrown-out?

As far as the trade itself goes- it was really just a strategical risk for me. McFadden has been a stud this year- but he's started to slow down as of late. Johnson, meanwhile, carries the p-word that all WRs carry. No, not that one. Potential. Maybe this is all in my head, but RBs seem to be more stable in their points- fluctuating usually on their TDs week to week. WRs? Sometimes they might get you 5 or 6, but one week they might get you a couple TDs, and a couple hundred yards and have like 20-30 points. Did it work? You'll have to tune in for my 2nd half synopsis to find out!

Nov. 24- Added Browns D- At this point in the season, anytime you can find a defense on the waiver wire that is playing a historically bad offense, you have to take a chance.

Nov. 30- Dropped Steve Smith, Cardinals D, Browns D, and Hernandez, added Rob Gronkowski- In what historians will likely call The Day That the Snow Flurries Waved The White Flag, I decided to waive the injured Smith (a solid possession receiver who would be a valuable playoff asset...if I was going to make the playoffs), my reserve defenses, and a rookie TE who could have been my amazing waiver wire pick-up. Unfortunately, Bill Belichik decided that I should have picked up the TE that his team drafted higher, and decided to mess with my mind by making Hernandez an integral part of the game plan just long enough to hook me in, and then BAM- he pulls him from relevance with the mere wave of his hand. Sheer cruelty. from the hand of the master. You win Belichik. This time.

Well, that's all the time we have for that. I hope you enjoyed it- or at the very least, you still want to be my friend. Like I said, tune in next time. For stuff.