Michael Jackson was wrong...

...it DOES matter if you're black and white. Let me explain...

As many of you know, I'm in Social Work program at Northern Michigan University. Some of you don't know that. For those of you that don't know, I am in the Social Work program at Northern Michigan University. Now that everyone is up to speed, we can begin.

Over the past two years, I have taken six social work classes, and I'm taking two more this coming semester. That's normal, and expected. That's not where my beef lies.

My problem with these social work classes lies in the textbooks. They're big, boring, and...black and white! I mean, some of them had some light blue shading, or whatever...but black and white! No color pics, no color graphs, just hundreds upon hundreds of boring pages of information!

If I had known that it was going to be like that, I would have majored in the Alphabet. Or Counting. Even Going Potty Without Missing. Just something to get me some more colored pages!

It's not that I adverse to reading...anyone that knows me knows that I like to read, I'm fairly competent, and that when I was a child calling me a 'bookworm' or a 'nerd' would have been putting it mildly. Some of you don't know that about me. For those of you that haven't known me very long (or at all), I like to read, and I'm fairly competent at it. When I was a child, calling me a 'bookworm' or a 'nerd' would have been putting it mildly. I'm also a fan of redunant repetition for the sake of wasting time. Moving on...

It's sad, because the material is interesting- I mean it's talking about helping people solve their problems, and there aren't too many things more interesting than people's problems. Maybe that's why the books are constructed so boringly- otherwise everyone would want to get in on this action.

It's just that...I have a short attention span. Really, it's a miracle that I've managed to stay somewhat coherently consistent in my journey to get this post done- I'm not quite ADD...although I do think that I fit the classic case of the kid that falls through the cracks...I think that I DO have ADD and that I was tragically misdiagnosed as a child as being 'normal'. There is no way to tell the damage that could have been averted would I have been properly diagnosed.

Compounding the problem is that I have two young children...who don't get really excited when daddy is reading Understanding Generalist Practice to them. I have to get homework done, but you can only string a two year old along for so long with 'wait, maybe there is a graph or a blatantly and poorly posed picture of a happy family on the next page', before they start screaming and ripping pages. So I am left with very specific, small chunks of time to get my reading done.

The problem is that when you add short attention span with finite block of time, and then multiply it colorless, odorless, tasteless text that dissolves instantly in liquid (also known as Iocaine), you get Bang Head Into Wall. This is the formula version:
(Short Attention Span+Finite Block of Time)Colorless, odorless, tasteless text that dissolves instantly in liquid=Bang Head Into Wall.

So if you see walking around with brick-like lacerations on my head, or if I have a series of concussions, or if I just happen to post a random blog entry...there is a reason. I'm just not sure what we're talking about right now.

Eulogy to the Victors, valiant

This post is awesome! I understand this man's reasons for turning his back on his birthright! I'm not sure why I'm screaming!

Holidays are a time for many things, and one of the main thing is self-reflection. It is a time when we tend to look in the mirror and really give ourselves the once over. And I don't think we usually like what we find, hence New Years Resolutions. Comparing ourselves to the ideals of the Christmas season (Love, Sacrifice, Hope, Retail) we often find our own qualities lacking. We decide then that changes need to be made. We make room for the new by sweeping out the old.

It is then with a heavy heart with which I deliver this news- I am no longer going to be a University of Michigan fan.

Now, take a pause to let that sink in. Those of you who really know me know how much I love Michigan football...I love it so much that I get downright angry when they lose. Scratch that- I get downright angry when they throw an incomplete pass! I get very passionate about their successes and failures, and the 1997 National Championship is one of my most cherished football memories, right up there with Charles Woodson and his Heisman and Desmond Howard and his Heisman and Brandent Englemon and his Honorable Mention All-Conference season.


Unfortunately, there have been many more disappointments than appointments...er, um, victories. Two of the most vivid involve the hated Spartans of Michigan. One of them is from 1990, when the then #1 Wolverines lost 28-27 because Desmond Howard was raped in front of over 100,000 people and a two point conversion attempt failed. The second is from 1999, when the Spartan clock operator accidentally thought that 1 second was more like 30 seconds, giving the Spartans time for one last play, which they parlayed into the game winning touchdown. I was so mad that I didn't speak to anyone for the next couple hours. I just sat in the living room, brooding. I also have bitter memories of bowl losses to Washington, Tennessee, Oregon, Texas, and a couple to USC.

Well, in the past couple of months, I've started to reflect. And I've started to think. By the way, the thinking thing has gone on much longer than the past couple of months, smart alecs. There is actually evidence of me thinking as early as 2004 A.D., so hahaha the joke is on you. Anyways, I realized that my intense passion had impacted me to the point where I don't even watch the games anymore because I hate what it does to my mood when they lose. Scratch that, when they blow ONE SINGLE SERIES- I basically explode.

Maybe my expectations are too high- I mean, it's impossible for any team to go undefeated and unscored while scoring on every single one of their possessions...I haven't even managed to pull that off on Xbox, which actually isn't very realistic. But I blame the hype machine for fostering an atmosphere that gives birth to unrealistic expectations.

The fact that Michigan had a losing season and broke a 30+ year bowl game streak is only one thread in a tapestry that has slowly unwoven itself over the past several years and is now a pile of old maize and blue string lying at my feet. The first frays really started in the mid 90's, and our string of four loss seasons. Sure, we were owning the Buckeyes during that time. But why should one victory, even over a hated rival, douse the sting of mediocrity? The 1997 championship provided temporary reprieve, but we followed up that season by losing our first two games of 1998 to Notre Dame and the Donovan McNabb-led Syracuse Stupid Mascot Names. Ugh. More pain.

Watching the Michigan towel boy get leveled in 'Waterboy' and the subsequent LMAO chipped a little more away from the aura of invincibility. A few years ago, I actually stooped to buying a hated Spartan shirt at Steve and Barry's (I still own the shirt, it actually looks fabulous on me). These are things that die-hard fans don't do, and here I was, doing them. But the thing is, I didn't feel dirty. At all. I felt...kinda good.

Once my unfailing devotion to the Wolverines came into question, the curtain fell rather quickly. It was not unaided, however. Tom Brady played a big role in this process. As a Wolverine, I adored Brady, and would have gladdly drank the sweat from his game socks. As a New England Patriot? I would gladly dump gallons of sock-sweat on his pretty-boy face. How could I so callously hate own of the Family? I didn't realize it at the time, but my foundation as a Wolverine had crumbled, to the point where my loyalty to Michigan could be stripped away by something as simple as utter hatred of anything to do with the New England Patriots. Of coures, it doesn't help that over the past few seasons, the Big Ten has been unable to compete on the national scene. Michigan and others have had some scattered success in bowl games and high-profile non-conference games, but there has been this sense that everyone else was taking their games to the next level, while the Big Ten was content to live with this notion of 'Three yards and a cloud of dust'. When we play schools like USC and Texas, it's amazing at how much faster they are than we are. And yeah, we beat Florida last year in the bowl game. Why? Because it was Lloyd's fairwell party. If Lloyd would have been back this past year, I'm pretty confident that Florida would have Tebowed us into submission.

Here's two more reasons. Appalachian State. Toledo. Who? These are two of the teams that have come from completely off the radar to deliver humiliating home losses to the Big House. I mean, do Florida and Texas and Oklahoma lose to 1-AA teams at home? Granted those schools schedule the scum of 1-AA, but they just don't lose those types of games. Not like we have the past two seasons.

But the final straw has been the current Buckeye domination of the Winged Helmets. I know that these things are cyclical, and that in the 90's, we had OSU's number. But when Terrell Pryor turns down a chance to be The Man from day one at Michigan running an offense that was designed by God for his talents to attend the bitter rival...well, that's not cyclical. That's something deeper and more mysterious.

And let's just say that we have another unbeaten season that culminates with a National Championship. What then? What is the point? There is no lasting fruit bore, no spoils to enjoy. The thought always goes to the next season. There is no enjoyment. Next season looms, with its challenges, stresses, and inevitable defeat waiting, lurking. Ugh.

I enjoy watching football, I do. And I find that the most enjoyment that I have is not when I watch Michigan win. No, its when I watch a well played game. It's when I see amazingly awesome big plays. It's when I see hard hits. I like watching upsets, hail marys, goal line stands. These things can happen during any game, at any time, and even more so when I am free of my partisan responsibilities.

Now that I am shedding my emotional millstone, I will be free to enjoy football at any and all times. Sure, when I see Michigan play there will be those feelings of longing. Kinda like when you see an ex girlfriend- you remember the good times, and hope she's doing well, but you can't go back with her because she broke your heart and stole all your records. I'm sure some of you will read this and think I'm overreacting, or that I'm a quitter. 'Wait out the storm', you say, while others might call me a fair weather fan. But you know what? I don't care. Because I'm free. I'm free and I love it.


I'll see ya at the Humanitarian Bowl. Or the Tangerine Bowl. Or the Toilet Bowl. And you'll see me, watching football, having fun, and walking away from it all, smiling.


'Jason, again, I think that you had an excellent post. And even though my first season sucked majorly, and my second season could be just as bad, I can hold a press conference with a smile on my face knowing that I have played a part in pushing away a very loyal fanbase'.


Rich photo #1- blog.nj.com/rutgers_football/2008/06/Rich%20Rodriguez%20Rutgers%20Michigan%20WVU.JPG
Rich photo #2- thewareaglereader.files.wordpress.com/2007/12/rr.jpg

2008 in review

Nation will rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom. There will be famines and earthquakes in various places. All these are the beginning of birth pains- Matthew 24:7-8 (NIV)

You'll hate us 'cause we'll never go away
And like some sort of fungus, we're growing every day
Our knuckles are dragging, I guess that means to say
Our message isn't stopping, till you drag us all away- Steins Theme, Project 86

Well, it's almost over. 2008 will go down in history as one of the worst years in existence. And you know what? I saw it coming. Well, not any specific events. It was more of a sense of extreme New years uncertainty, somewhat like Y2K. You all remember Y2K, don't you?

The difference here though is that Y2K was a buildup of fearful expectation BEFORE the New Year, and it was something that was a known quantity. When I awoke on New Years day 2008 (or maybe in the couple days following...I really need to get better at keeping track of things), I just had this looming sense of dreadful anticipation about the year. Of course, I found out I wasn't the only one at the first service of the year at Waters Edge church. The guy who spoke talked about having many of the same dubieties (this word has been brought to you by dictionary.com) that I had, and that he had talked to others with the same types of feelings! Whoa!

Now let me be clear, that I am not trying to equate myself as any sort of prophet or anything like that. I do fancy myself as someone who can read the writing on the wall, but I'm not a prognosticator, I'm not a fortune teller. I'm no Nostradamus, although I might be more handsome than he was...

Well, the jury is out on that, although his beard obviously puts mine to shame. But still, I'm just plain old me. And while I had nothing to go on but vague suspicions, you can imagine my surprise (and at times horror) when things played out according to my unclear hunch.

Floods in Iowa, a cyclone in Myanmar, earthquake in China. Hurricanes Gustav and Ike, Georgia and Russia in conflict. There were lighter calamaties as well- the Detroit Lions flirting with 0-16, Michigan football having their worst season in U-M history, the Tigers choke job. Back to serious reality, gas prices climbing to over $4 a gallon as the stock market was busy throwing our economy into Depressionesque territory. And it even carried through the holidays, with the Thanksgiving Mumbai terrorist attack, and December Israeli airstrikes. There was also a guy who dressed up as Santa and killed 9 people on Christmas eve.

Is this Doomsday? Man I hope not! I've got 2 little kids, and the prospect of Revelation unveiled in our time is not one that I want to think about, you know? But you can't just ignore the Time Signs either. It's obvious that things are happening in our world, reminding us that we are never truly in control. But God is. Now now, I'm not trying to scare anyone into believing what I believe, because it isn't fair to God and it isn't fair to us as beings of free will. I'm just saying that there is a source of hope for any who have been plagued by the evils of the current global climate. And besides, Jesus offers way more than just heaven.

Aye, fight and you may die. Run, and you'll live... at least a while. And dying in your beds, many years from now, would you be willin' to trade ALL the days, from this day to that, for one chance, just one chance, to come back here and tell our enemies that they may take our lives, but they'll never take... OUR FREEDOM!- William Wallace, Braveheart

Even though I wrestle with fear about the state of our world, I take comfort in seeing confirmation of my faith begin to play out in these dark times, knowing that there is hope despite what the evidence says. Christmas and Easter culminate, and Jesus bringing freedom to us no matter what is going on around us. That's real. That's life. We now return you to your regulary scheduled awesome blog.

So is the world going to end? Are things coming to a head? Is 2008 a Horseman of the Apocalypse? I don't know. Maybe yes. Maybe no. Maybe things will get better. If that happens, I'll be more than happy to eat humble pie. Just be sure that you watch the skies, because it is of upmost importance that we can read the signs of the seasons.

Right now, a line is being drawn in the sand. All of our 'tolerance' and ambiguity have served as a fulcrum of modern culture, leading to a point of no return. We've lived in a morally ambivilent world for far too long, and postmodern relativism has sunk its ugly talons into our backs. We live in a society that praises the concept of all is right UNLESS someone has the balls to proclaim a sense of absolute right. Then they are shunned, mocked, scorned, hated. And I take comfort in the drawing of black lines, because light will always defeat darkness, and good triumphs over evil in the end, even when it does not appear to be so.

Then you will be handed over to be persecuted and put to death, and you will be hated by all nations because of me- Matthew 24:9 (NIV)

Look, I'm not too proud to say that I don't have all the answers. I just don't. But I believe in a God that does. Life is never going to go 'according to plan'...

There is a God, though, that can sort out the chaos and see us through whatever 2009 and beyond is going to bring.

I'd like to wish you all a safe, happy 2009, and blessings on you all!

Y2K pic- www.dabbledoo.com/ee/images/uploads/gamertell/y2k_bomb_thumb.jpg
Nostradamus pic- www.elmonasterio.org/escritos/wp-content/uploads/Nostradamus.JPG
Joker- www.blog.djcream.org/wp-content/uploads/2008/08/wallpaper_heath_ledger_the_joker_1.jpg

All you want for Christmas is to hear from me

First of all, Merry Christmas to all! I assume by now that all of the presents have been opened, the carnage of the paper lies strewn about the living room...usable gifts are being used, new movies and games are being played, breakfast is being eaten...but yet even with all the new toys, clothes, games, and goodies, you just don't feel...satisfied. Empty. It's like something is missing. Your Christmas is not complete.

Well, you can rest easy friends, because I have your missing gift...the Official Red Ryder Carbine-Action Two-Hundred-Shot Range Model Air Rifle under your Christmas tree. And trust me friends, you won't shoot your eye out with this...unless you are an idiot.

So what is this marvelous gift that promises peace on your block, sweet music bumping in your trunk, and lemon bars in your belly? Well, silly, you're reading it! That's right! Now Santa already told me that absolutely no one asked for a blog post from me for Christmas, but I went ahead and assumed that it's what you all really wanted, that you didn't ask for it because you didn't quite know how, and I decided to hunker down and give you what you really wanted, and so here it is! My first ever Christmas blog post!

Now what to blog about...hmmm...how about...I tell you guys what I got for Christmas! That way, if you got less than I did, you can feel blessed to know me, and if you got more than I did, you can feel good about yourself at my expense.

Let's see...we opened gifts at my mom and dads a week ago today, so I might forget some. But here goes...

Office season 1

Office season 4

Office calander

Comfy sweat pants

Socks

Darth Vader for President t-shirt

Dark Knight DVD

Project 86 Christmas EP

Itunes gift card

Earbud headphones

Kingdom Come graphic novel

Watchmen graphic novel

A Willow New Dad statue

A beard trimmer

Frequency DVD

Now obviously there is more to Christmas than the gifts. Last week we spent hanging out with my family, and it was an amazing time, and now we're at the in-laws hanging out enjoying presents and company. I just wanted to get something tangible down for you the loyal reader, and it's much easier to itemize a list of gifts than it is to elaborate on the special times spent with family. But since I do have thoughts (although they are few and far between sometimes), I will share them with you. Hey, it's like a second gift from me!

Here's the deal folks...2008 has been a rocky, topsy turvey year, and hope has been hard to find. The story that Christmas tells is the birth of hope that can carry us through whatever life throws at us. There are no guarantees that 2009 will be any better than 2008, and it might be worse. Let us all take time to pause and reflect on what is really important as we spend time with our families and friends and remember the meaning for this holiday that we celebrate (and if you don't I think you should, because Christmas is my favorite). God bless, and merry Christmas!

Arena Football RIP

I did a guest blog for my dad on his blog. It's pretty phenomenal, I'm not going to lie. Rather than waste precious resources/time, I'm just going to produce a link to the blog instead of reproducing the blog itself. Plus, while you're there, check out his blog! He has many good ideas to fix the Detroit Lions, and other good thoughts as well.

http://drumcoach-rantsraves.blogspot.com/2008/12/arena-football-rip.html

War of the Worlds

You want to know why, if there are alien life forms, they are chomping at the bit to come to Earth? It's because we are weak, and would offer little resistance.

This has nothing to do with our military strength, or our physical attributes, or even placekickers pretending to be football players. It has everything to do with our aversion to inconvenient illnesses.

I was talking to my sister today, who may or may not have pink eye. See? I just wrote the words 'pink' and 'eye' and some of you ran from your computer monitors screaming. A few more of you probably started to build bomb shelters and withdrew all of your money from banks and invested it in cans of beans and water. And one guy for sure just went 'meh' and closed this window. Believe me, he will be dealt with. Right after I get over the sniffles.

Pink eye is contagious for sure. But it isn't deadly. It isn't really painful. It's just...inconvenient. It's a hassle. It makes us look less than glam for a short period of time. It means that we hope that nobody sees us because we look uglier than we already are. And...why do kids get sent home until it clears up?

It would be different if it was ebola. 'Jason, please stay home until your ebola is gone and/or you die, whichever comes first'. Or 'Jason, you have an unknown strain of flesh eating bacteria, and there are National Guardsmen standing on the roof of the school with standing orders to shoot you on sight until we have a note from your doctor'. Those are situations that I can understand. But pink eye? PINK EYE? Maybe if they changed the name, it'd be more understandable. Like, 'Red eye'. Or 'Black eye'. Or 'A Color That We've Never Seen But We're Pretty Sure It's The Harbringer Of Death eye'.

You know how in 'War of the Worlds' the aliens were killing us all until they contracted our diseases and then we won? That's it? The message of the whole movie is this hope that aliens are like we are? That aliens will catch a cold and just want to throw in the towel? We hope that aliens are as resistant to our diseases as we are, because that is the only way we are not going to be exterminated. And really, this is not a good battle plan. Because we call in if we wake up with a runny nose, and curl up on the sofa with a box of Kleenex and a bowl of Ice Cream while we watch Steel Magnolias.

So think about this the next time you want to call in sick because you're 'under the weather'. Are you really sick, or do you just want a day off? Would you be able to defend your family from an alien horde merely by using whatever illness you have? Could you look that alien in the eye and say 'I am more of a man than you'll ever be, unless you are a shapeshifter, and then it's a toss-up'? Probably not. Probably not. Because aliens don't have 'eyes' like we do, and by the time you figured out what the aliens eyes were, he'd have disintegrated you.

And we all lived happily ever after. The end. (I can't think of how to end this post...I was going to leave off with the disintegration remark, but that would have left a sad taste in your mouths...so I figured that if I had a more traditional end that it would make it all better).

It's a Baby Cannon nation, you just live in it.

Well, as many of you probably don't know, or some of you do, last night Baby Cannon had the privilage of recording our first studio EP- Barrel, Powder, Fuse. We recorded at Redfella records in Marquette. It's not Abbey Road, but a newb indy band on a limited budget is not going to turn down a chance to lay down some tracks for $25 an hour. The guy who was supposed to mix us got sick, so the release of the CD is going to be delayed a little bit (we were only able to get a rough mix last night).

Needless to say, I'm excited. So excited that I decided to take notes and bring you a play by play! Actually, it's not a true play by play. I made up most of the times, because, well, as it turns out, I kinda had to set up and play and that just didn't leave much time for paying attention to details. Nonetheless, here is the Artistic Liberty play by play of our studio time for our first album.

4:54- I'm just about on my way out the door to head to the studio, when I get a call from Matt. The guy who was supposed to record and mix us has come down with some rare form of flesh-eating bacteria/zombie virus that he got from taking some Krippin-wonder drug thing, or something to that effect. I may or may not have made that up.

Oh Will, so glad I found you. Listen, I think everybody else is dead or a zombie...so do you know anything about recording and/or mixing?

5:00-5:22- A series of phone calls go back and forth between me, Matt, and somebody else, trying to figure out if we still want to record or not...the owner of Redfella records (who just happened to show up I guess) said he wanted to record us, and actually shaved $10/hour off of the price. During this whole waiting game, I just really felt Peace about it...God makes all things work together for our good, ya know? Like it was weird, just sitting in the chair, feeling completely calm.

5:22- All systems go! Head to the church, where Jesse, Joe, and I waited outside in the freezing cold parking lot while Matt and Jared stopped at McDonalds...thanks a lot guys!

6:00ish- We have about an hour before we're supposed to be at Redfella, so we decide to practice some stuff. Sounds reasonable, right? Well, a little backstory. Pretty much all week, we wrestled for hours and hours on end trying to put a song together (Tower of Babel, one I wrote), and I was just thinking that we should scrap it...but Matt had other ideas. He had cooked up this other-worldly transition while he was, um, 'being inspired' (this is a band inside joke, ergo you are not privy to the meaning...but feel free to laugh if you wish), and after resisting and refusing and boycotting...we tried it, Jared reworked the chorus, and long story short I was humbled and we decided to do the song.

Somewhere around 7:00- We're all packed up, we get to Redfella, unload, and time to set things up! This is really happening!

7:37- I just finished up setting up the drums in a little room in the studio. Picture an outhouse/sauna without the smell, without the vihta, and that's pretty much what I was set up in. Well, at first it didn't smell bad, but after a few hours of being cooped up in a confined space...let's just say I marked my territory and it wasn't pretty.

7:45-8:20- Probably the most fun time of recording is the down time. I mean, playing music is fun, and we didn't pay $25 an hour to go in and shoot the bull, but down time was super awesome. Much of what was said will drift into Inside Joke territory, but I don't want to completely allienate our fan base, so I will spill the gossip beans to those who might cry themselves to sleep at night wondering, 'What does Baby Cannon talk about?'.

Well, we sat around while Jesse played Pokemon on the DS. Um...oh yeah, we talked about Fingernail Trimming etiquitte, because Joe committed the cardinal sin of Fingernail Trimming, which is starting a Trimming session and stopping before completion. We discussed facial hair, and the tendency of my son Shane to rip it off of my face. We delved into the merits of teleportation/telekenisis, and how we could use those abilities to hustle people out of money...kinda like 'White Men Can't Jump', except it'd be 'White Men Can't Traverse Portals Through Other Dimensions', or 'White Men Can't Manipulate Objects With Their Minds'.

Hey Woody, how about 'White Men Can't Wear Pink' ? Hello!

We discovered that Joe does a great Smeagol impression. The problem is, he looks more like an Uruk-hai.

I'm not making this up.

Finally, during prayer we established Matt's Car as the second most popular frequent for the presence of God. So...there. If you want to meet God, ask Matt for a ride.

8:42- Ah, some excitement! Andrew plugs in a pre-amp, and it almost catches on fire. We appreciate pyrotechnics, but I think it's a little much for a studio session...unless somehow we can make it so that everytime someone listens to our CD, things start to smoke.

Remember kids, only you can prevent Music Studio Fires

9:21- Mmmmm...Chicken McNuggets!

9:25- Go time!

10:10- After almost an hour, we have managed to slosh our way through 'Tower of Babel', and I'm impressed...it has many elements that I envisioned when I wrote the song, but Baby Cannon took it to completely new levels. I love these guys! Anyhow, Matt and I are now doing vocals. I feel like the singer guy on 'Real Men of Genius'.

10:29- We are finally done with 'Tower of Babel'. At the current rate, we will be done recording at 5:00 a.m.

From here though, it's pretty much a breeze. We practiced our other songs for many many hours, and so in the next 3 hours, we manage to nail down our other 6 songs. There isn't much to tell...partially because of our singular focus, partly because we're all so flippin' tired.

2:30- As it stands right now, the final mix is not done, and of course there are a ton of little mistakes that we (and other musicians) will be able to pick out...but overall it sounds great!

Hopefully we'll get some gigs when the next semester starts, and we can start to take this to another level...I appreciate all of you who have and will support our band...it might be cliche', but really if a band does not have fans, then it is a garage band...so thanks! We love our fans! And to show how much we love our fans, I've included some bonus Behind-The Scenes shots of Baby Cannon in the studio! Woohoo!

Me rockin' the drums. Not a posed picture at all.

Matt. Again, this picture is in no way faked or 'posed', but is obviously an intense live action moment caught on film because I am an awesome photographer.

Jesse playing Pokemon. Get that level 30 Charzard, dude!

Jared and Joe. Um, can't really think of a funny caption. Sorry guys.

Baby Cannon and our CD!

God bless, we'll see ya on the flip side

Another list

It's funny how a mere shift in format has completely altered my perception of these 'lists'. When they were just an e-mail thing, I would quickly delete them and try to eliminate the memories through therapy- they were just horrible. Not 'Hostel' horrible...more like 'Critters' horrible...I mean they were stupid and insignificant, but still a little stomach turning. Not anymore though.

Now that I have a blog, I'm rolling in these things. Probably because they give a great chance for an easy post...most of the work is already done for me. I am merely a slave to the questions, but then I do some sort of crazy escape and I wrap my handcuffs around the list and say 'alright, who's asking the questions now?'. Of course, I'm still not asking the questions...I'm just stalling for time until the escape chopper arrives. Now, on to the list...



1. Where is your cell phone? With my significant other.

2. Your significant other? With my cell phone.

3. Your hair? Let me check....yup, still on my head.

4. Your mother? In league with the mafia, currently planning a hit on the Teletubbies.

5. Your father? Ruler of a small country in Southeast Asia.

6. Your favorite thing? My kids.

7.Your dream last night? I dreamt about having a goal.

8. Your favorite drink? Water.

9. Your dream/goal? My goal wass to have a dream about having a goal. Since I achieved that last night, I am probably just going to retire.

10. What room are you in? The Batcave.

11. Your hobby? Music.

12. Your fear? Drowning. Or peeing my pants. Although, I think if I peed my pants while drowning, I would actually somewhat relieved.

13. Where do you want to be in 6 years? I have a very detailed and ornate plan for the next six years of my life. Unfortunately, I lost it.

15. Something that you aren't? Cliche'

16. Muffins? Poppyseed, it's my masking agent for drug tests.

17. Wish list item? I wish I had a wish list.

18. Where you grew up? Oil City. It's not as big as it sounds.

19. Last thing you did? Answered question 18.

20. What are you wearing? A U-M longsleeve T-shirt and jeans. Oh, and glasses.

21. Your TV? In geosynchronos orbit over your mom. OOOOOOOOOO!

22. Your pets? I believe that it is not appropriate for man to subjugate animals against their will. Also, it's not allowed at our apartment complex.

23. Friends? They pay a monthly tribute, and in return I offer them my protection.

24. Your life? I'm doing what God intended for me to do, and I'm learning and growing every day. I have a beautiful wife and two amazing children. I'm in a band that rocks. I literally cannot complain.

25. Your mood? Somber, depressed, blue. No, I'm just kidding. I'm just tired.

26. Missing someone? Uh huh.

27. Your car? I'm not sure if my car is missing anyone or not. I don't speak car.

28. Something you're not wearing? Lumberjack attire. Or a thong. Actually, they're the same thing.

29. Your favorite store? Target.

32. Your favorite color? Clear

33. When is the last time you laughed? I don't have too many specifics, but I'm told it was a cold windy day in November of '85.

34. Last time you cried? Same day.

35. One place that I go to over and over: The john, AKA the loo

36. One person who emails me regularly: People trying to get me to check out crap that I don't need.

37. My favorite place to eat- Home.

I'll have another list soon...because I guarantee that you can't wait!

Okay so I lied again

If you haven't figured this out yet, I tend to lie. Well, not lie. Stretch the truth. Or fudge the details. Or run into unforseen circumstances that necessitate the altering of the facts. Whatever the case, I am posting a day after I posted that I wouldn't be posting until Virgin week was over. We will now pause for your despair.

Now that you have recovered, you have probably realized 'OMG- I get to read another post before Christmas! Yah!'. If you haven't realized this, you might be on the naughty list. Not just my naughty list. THE naughty list. So check yourself. You onboard? Good.

So my mom sent me one of those stupid e-mail questionaires that has nothing to do with anything. But they can be fun- it's just a pain in the butt to copy, then paste, then change all the answers.

That's what I'm going to do. I copied. Now I'm going to paste. Then I'm going to change the answers. This way, you will all be able to learn ridiculously trivial facts about my opinions, instead of just my mom who sent me the e-mail. Aren't blogs great?

1. Wrapping paper or gift bags? Wrapping paper. Gift bags suck, and take no effort. Why not just hand them the present. Or better yet, a gift card? Or better yet yet, just give them the money, you lazy jerk!
2. Real tree or Artificial? Artificial. Real things are fire hazards.
3. When do you put up the tree? This year it was like November 10th or something, whenever the first snow happened. I was illegimately inpregnated with Christmas spirit that night. It's not something I like to talk about.
4. When do you take the tree down? New Years dayish.
5. Do you like Egg Nog? Hell yeah! I enjoy regular egg nog, soy milk egg nog (which tastes better than you think it might), and recently, pumpkin egg nog.
6. Favorite gift received as a child? I remember getting a robot as a kid. I don't know if it was my favorite or not, but I remember it, so it is the favorite by default.
7. hardest person to buy for? Any dad I've ever had to buy for. Seriously, is there this thing that happens to men when they inpregnate a woman? Like a transformation of DNA, that all love of material things melts away and is replaced by a desire to always ask for ties, tools, and some other third thing? Any thing that dads want that the average shopper could actually find has already been purchased throughout the year by the dad. By the way, if any of you reading this want to know if this Dad transformation has happened to me, let me know and I will e-mail you my wants list from Wishpot.com. You can then buy me something from that list and see if I enjoy it or not.
8. Easiest person to buy for? Delaney and Shane. Man, I am going to milk the excitement of opening diapers and wipes on Christmas for all its worth.
9. Do you have a nativity scene? No. I'll probably wait until my mom is not looking, and then take one of the 8-10 that she has.
10. Mail or email Christmas cards? Mail (when I do), but I get really pissed at the people that just send a card with their signatures on it. No message? No memo? No 'Jason, I love you, and because of that, I spent money on a piece of cardboard and an envelope and a stamp to let you know that'? If you aren't going to write a message, then don't even bother sending a card. Which is what I do.
11. Worst Christmas gift you ever received? An enema. I've never actually gotten that for Christmas, but I imagine it would be really bad.
12. Favorite Christmas Movie? Hmmm...I smell a future blog post, categorizing different types of Christmas movies! For now, suffice it to say National Lampoons Christmas Vacation.
13. When do you start shopping for Christmas? Whenever I start thinking about it, but I usually try to be done before December hits. That didn't happen this year though :(
14. Have you ever recycled a Christmas present? Do they mean recycle? Or regift? Huge difference. Until I have more information, I cannot answer this question.
15. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas? I like the taste of reindeer meat soaked in a red wine sauce.
16. Lights on the tree? Yes. I miss the asbestos laced large colored glass bulbs of my childhood, but I have come to grips with the wussy lights that they make nowadays.
17. Favorite Christmas song? My Christmas List by Simple Plan.
18. Travel at Christmas or stay home? Being married with children, you do both.
19. Can you name all of Santa's reindeer's? No, they have already been named. I don't lose any sleep over this, I think that to change their names at this stage of the game would just provide unnecessary confusion.
20. Angel on the tree top or a star? We have a little stocking hat that is our star.
21. Open the presents Christmas Eve or morning? On Christmas day.
22. Most annoying thing about this time of the year? The fact that radio stations don't start playing all Christmas music as early as they used to.
23. Favorite ornament theme or color? Awesome.
24. Favorite for Christmas dinner? See answer to question 15.
25. What do you want for Christmas this year? Check out my wishpot.com list!
26. Who is most likely to respond to this? Everybody, because I have thus inspired you to waste 15 minutes of your busy lives to answer these trivial questions.

I do wish everyone a merry Christmas/Hanukkah/Kwanza/Boxing Day/Holiday/Festivus/Exam Week!

In the olden days, there was no incentive to be a beautiful virgin maiden

'Hey guys'.

'Hey Kracken'.

Well, it's here. EXAM week. Blech...

It's the equivalent of a chastity belt wedgie- when the wedgie giver (in this case, the teachers) take what is supposed to keep us pure and protect us (our schooling) and use it to cause us discomfort and suffering.

Alright, I'll have one virgin maiden on white, with a side of mutton and a large milkshake...

On second thought, just give me a cow.

It's like in the olden days, when they used to leave the beautiful virgin maidens chained to large rocks, and a monster would come along and eat the maiden and save the town. Exam week has to be like the week before that moment. I mean, you know that this sacrifice is going to pay off by appeasing the 'monster' (society), but you know it's going to be painful and that you might end up being eaten. This is how her week probably goes, and if you are able to read between the lines, you might be able to pick up some of the comparisons that I alluded to.

Day 1 (Monday)- The virgin knows what's coming, and realizes that it's her last week to be alive. But its Monday, man! The virgin just sits around her apartment playing Xbox 360, thinking to herself, 'well, I still have 4 days'.

Day 2 (Tuesday)- Tuesday is the worst day of the week. Mondays have hope potential, even though they always suck. Wednesdays are the middle, and the end is in sight. Thursday, the end is, well, tomorrow! And Friday is pay day. But Tuesday? Nothing. The virgin doesn't even bother to get out of bed she's so depressed. Not because she knows she will be monster food in 3 days, but because it is Tuesday.

Day 3 (Wednesday)- Ahh, Wednesday...hump day. But this is a virgin we're talking about, and if she isn't a virgin when the monster eats her, the monster will be mad and then eat the whole town. So instead, our virgin sits in her apartment watching reruns of Taxi and doing crossword puzzles.

Day 4 (Thursday)- OH CRAP! The end is tomorrow...so the virgin starts to read the 4 chapter-200 pages of Social Welfare Policy that should have been read throught the last third of the semester, but weren't because the virgin wanted to focus on other exploits, and was really hoping that someone would have killed the monster by now. Of course, this reading is boring, so she goes to the coffee shop to spend some time with her friends and family, followed by hours of mindless internet surfing.

Day 5 (Friday)- Well, it's here. The virgin tries to console herself. 'How hard can it be? I mean, the monster just picks me up, eats me, the town is saved'. The town people don't tell you that this is a monster with manners...a mannster, if you will, and that you will be served over 6 courses. They are content to watch you parade down the long road to the middle of nowhere, because you are providing them with a future.

Now, you might be thinking that this is a little bit of a stretch. I mean, comparing exam week to virgin sacrifice? How are those two things even remotely close? And you're right...I think I would much rather be a virgin sacrifice. I mean, THIS IS EXAM WEEK FOR CRYING OUT LOUD (if this blog post had a commentary along with it, I would point out that I didn't turn on the caps lock until I started to type the word 'crying', and then me and the other people doing the commentary with me would start laughing and then we would get on a random tangent...and about 30 minutes later we would remember that we were supposed to be providing commentary. But it would be too late, because the monster would have already eaten us).

Exam week is a black cloud in a blacker sky. Exam week is impervious to pain. It is cruel and ruthless. It hears our cries, our laments, and it laughs at us to our face. Exam week breaks bones, and then uses those bones as toothpicks. It shows no mercy. Exam week is the Chuck Norris of abstract concepts. They say what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Exam week kills you, no matter how strong you are.

I think this will be my last post before exams are done...the next couple weeks are going to be busy, busy, busy. In addition to doing the aforementioned reading/studying (for my ONE exam on FRIDAY...don't even get me started on that one), I'm going to be practicing with my awesome band Baby Cannon, getting ready to lay down some stuff in a studio (the day before my exam), and practicing/playing on Saturday with my awesome worship team. I'll also have to work a couple days in there as well.

During break, I'll definitely be catching up. I want to share some thoughts on God as our daddy. I'll let you guys know how recording went. I'll rank the superhero movies according to casting jobs. I'll share some frustrations I've been having with the world. I'll try to get a post done ranking my favorite Ben and Jerry's flavors. There may be more, there may be less. Thank you for reading so far...I've really enjoyed blogging so far, and I've gotten a lot of positive feedback...and the people that gave me negative feedback have been 'taken care of'. By taken care of, I mean 'disposed of'. And by 'disposed of', I mean that I asked them what I could do better next time, and thanked them for their input.

God bless, see ya in a couple weeks!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Happy Thanksgiving! There is so much to be thankful for...

Snow on the ground

My beautiful Children

My beautiful Wife

God's provision

Indoor plumbing...

The list could go on. Just remember to be thankful that Detroit is 75% not-sucky in sports as you watch the Lions trudge on towards their inversely perfect season.

God bless, until next time or sooner

Jason

PS Don't forget to read my post about drums that I did yesterday. Ebert and Roper called it 'good', and the Rolling Stone magazine didn't have anything to say about it, which isn't necessarily a bad thing or a good thing...it just is.

Hymns and hers

Okay, so this is a little off script, but lets go with it, shall we? I was going to do my next post about some thoughts I've been having about God and humanity...and I will do them still. But first, I need to remind myself why I believe in God. Sometimes it's difficult to see Him in the everyday, mundane changing-diapers-doing-dishes-schoolwork-sleep routine that is life. But this story speaks to me of a loving God who is very involved in details.

Now, some might read this story, and chalk it up to coincidence. Some might be able to provide psychoanalysis, and others might do some other third thing. But as for me, I think that the real Big Papi has His prints all over this.

This is a story of my musical journey...or a song about my musical journey, if you should so choose...except in song form, it will probably end up being as long as 'American Pie'.

Tragically, the autopsy revealed that the music would not have died had Don McLean not dragged it on for so long. A steady diet of whiskey and rye by the 'good ol' boys' didn't help matters.

Let's start back a little ways...when I was growing up, my dad played many weekends in local establishments, so I've always had some exposure to music. As a kid, I wanted to be a musician as well...I think it's natural for kids to want to be like their parents. In fact, I remember making up a song once, and then hearing that song on the radio later! I think I may have heard the song earlier, and then subconsciously credited myself as the author...or else this band sent people to spy on me and steal my awesome work. Unfortunately, we can never know for sure.

My dad is an amazing musician...one of those guys that can play guitar, bass, drums, harmonica, and free cell (not all at the same time, although that would be amazing also). I felt I could never measure up. I resisted any of his efforts to teach me, and I found myself embarrassed by my fledling efforts to even try. So basically, I just kinda let that die in me. I was in school band, and that was fun, but even then, I never really immersed myself in it. I was content just to get by. After high school, I kissed music goodbye, and set out on my voyage to...

Well, I didn't really have much of a plan. I just knew that it was not going to be a musical one. I guess I can't even say that...music was so far off the radar that it didn't even register as an option to not be an option. A couple years into college, though, I came into awareness of God, and my place within the cosmos. So now it's a clean, blank slate. The summer of 1999 (maybe a little before that, I don't do well with dates-that's what she said OOOOOHHHHHHH) I was placed into a relationship with music. The drummer at our church was leaving in the fall to go to college in Texas, and since we had been in band together in high school, I became the default option.

Now understand, I had never really played on a drum kit before. I had tried, sure, but I had never really done much with it. The most I could really do was play the intro to the song 'Wherever I may roam' by Metallica, and that was by myself with no one around. Needless to say, I struggled mightily in the beginning...I couldn't even keep a beat! I remember getting frustrated at the first practice, because I just couldn't keep up.

I'm not going to lie and say that the next day I woke up endowed with magical powers. I'm not even going to say that I had nothing to do with it. I'm sure that any dilligence (which is not as much as I'd like it to be, ashamedly) has played a role. But you're missing the point if that's what you're thinking about. This is the birth of vision, of passion, of something that I suddenly found enjoyable to do, something that had been previously dead to me.

For the sake of not killing the music or drying up the levy, I'll cut a few years out. Just know that I started to feel like God had music for me in the future. When I married Sara, this vision was solidified. Sara is AMAZING...she has a voice like an angel (with the wings to boot), and can play piano and violin. So we've really felt for a while like God has wanted us to do music.

Ahead another couple years. At Water's Edge church, I was really taken through a series of levels in my journey as a worshipping musician. I'm not going to go through these in depth like I'd wanted to, but I'll summarize them. But do know this, that at the beginning of each school year, for the past two years, I've been placed on a worship team other than what I'd wanted, and in turn I've been blessed with growth beyond my own imaginings. First, I learned that you can worship in musical technical excellence. I learned this from Rob, who teaches music at NMU and is the embodyment of musical knowledge. From Brent, I learned to start to be able to cut loose, and rock out, applying musical dynamics to the tune of the Spirit. I never really got to do that at my old church, we always played more reserved. And that brings us to now.

Charlie, who is an awesome man and one of the leaders at our church, came to our worship practice one night, and basically told us to push ourselves as musicians, to try things we've never tried before, and to not be afraid to fail. Now, what I just wrote is a paraphrase, but I can't even begin to summarize the impact that his words had for me. All my life, I'd been operating under this idea that in order to play for the Lord, that we needed to hold back...I've even been told this at one point. I always felt upset by this...I felt like I wasn't really able to worship, because I had to focus on sounding not fancy or not loud.

Then Charlie comes in, and says basically, 'be awesome for God'...and since then, it's been amazing! I've been trying new things, the worship band I'm in has been doing that as well, and together, we are starting to take our music to new levels. This has been way cool, and it's hard to imagine that at one time, I didn't even want to play drums!

There is an 'also going on' also going on, though. More background- I love rock music, have since high school, and ever since I've started to play drums, I wanted to be in a rock band. Several years ago, I had a couple garage band ventures with buddys that never got out of the garage (although one group was immortalized via Crappy Garage Recording, earning the timeless compliment from my dad 'Not all your songs sound the same').

So I had pretty much given that up, I wasn't even thinking about it at all. Then, lo and behold, earlier this semester I get the opportunity to play Beets songs in the NMU homecoming parade with some dudes from church. We rock, and take first place in our division. One of the most fun experiences of my musical life. Still, an afternoon of fun, and file it away...

Can't see the line, can you Russ?

Late October, the apartment complex I'm in does this little impromptu type music thing, Lincoln Rocks. So Matt, a friend from church and leader of the Beets, asks me to fill in on drums for this thing...again, music is on life support, so I'm cutting this story short. Long story short, I'm in this rock band that's awesome, we're making songs, and we're going to be recording those songs in December!

Now, I'm not saying that we're famous, or even going to be famous. We haven't made it, we've only played one gig. For all I know we might not go anywhere or do anything. But it's a rock band, and I'm playing in it. I'm happy. And this semester, Sara and I were just hoping to survive her return to school. Pursuing music was the furthest thing from our minds. In the midst of it all, God has been stirring our musical gifts and passions. Maybe it's because Sara is in the music program, and all this is subconscious desires and abilities brought to the surface by the change in our lives and routine. Maybe...

But to me, there are just too many variables for this to be coincidental, or subconscious. This is God, and God is moving in us. I'm not sure where He's taking us, but it's gonna be awesome!

So I wouldn't be grassroots if I didn't plug the band in a music blog. This is us, Baby Cannon. You can check us out at: www.myspace.com/babycannonplaid.

The best band you've never heard of. If you have heard of us, I guarantee we're ranked no lower than 234th.

Checkin' inn

Hey fans, readers, haters...

This is just a brief 'checking in' type of thing. For some reason, I have this 'idea' that I'm supposed to be blogging quite often. Maybe it's because I often think, or because of societal expectations forced upon me as a blogger...maybe I'm bored, I don't know.

I do have much to say, for sure. And I will try to delve into the depths of the awesome thoughts that I have next week.

But first I have to get this frickin' book review of 'Medicine and the Market' done. If I ever meet the authors, I am going to kidnap them and make them listen to tapes of me practicing the dictionary. Seriously, this book is dead to me right now.

I'm gonna stop there (because otherwise this will become the typical length of a Jason blog, which kind of defeats the purpose of doing a 'check-in' post). God is good, even though I suck. I love you all, thank you for reading. We'll talk more next week...

Please accept these virtual fake flowers as a token of my apologies for not blessing you with amazing awesomely deep thoughts or competely absurd yet funny lists of stuff.

Top Ten Coolest Presidents Names Ever So Far!

Well, here it is. The moment that I've been waiting for you to be waiting for. I should be working on homework right now, but let's all speak honestly with each other and just admit that homework sucks. Ranking presidents by coolness of names, while frivilous and meaningless, is WAY more fun. As such, here we go:

The Top Ten

10)Richard Milhous Nixon - 'He's a Mil-hous'...sing it to the Commodore's 'Brick House'- Guaranteed you won't be able to a)shake that song for the rest of the night b)not substitute Milhous in for brick house. Yeah, it's THAT catchy.

9)Franklin D. Roosevelt- Dynasy. Dominant. Delano. Nobody really knows what the D stands for, which only adds to the mystery of the enduring president. I mean, this guy was president for 12 freakin' years! That's amazing! The uncertainty surrounding his middle initial was enough for him to even overcome a sucky first name, which is no small feat.

8)Warren Gamaliel Harding- Became slightly famous for hiring a newspaper lad to whack Thomas R. Kerrigan across the knee. Also, Gamaliel is very close to Gallileo and Gamma...in fact, it is as though Gallileo and Gamma were forcibly merged into one in a freak reactor malfunction of some type.

Look at the bright side, Tanya- you went from being a terrible figure skater who nobody knew to a terrible person that was famous!

7)Barack Obama- The only problem I have with Barack Obama is that if you play one of those 'How many words can you spell from Such and Such a word' games with 'Barack Obama is not Osama Bin Laden', one of the names you can spell is Osama Bin Laden, and that is just way too close of a tie for me. Liberals will be quick to point out that you can do the same with 'George Bush bends over to wade in the mucky lake a'. All I can say is that they have a good point.

6)Ulysses Simpson Grant- Grant was a rock star war general turned president. While he sucked as a president (at least according to wikipedia-actually, I just made that up, I didn't check wikipedia, but it's funny to cite wikipedia as a 'source'), he makes for interesting fodder in the six degrees game- Simpson, Homer, Iliad, Ulysses...Okay, so the four degrees game, but still he rocks it out.

'Guys, I'm not so sure this is such a good idea...'

5)Martin Van Buren- There is one thing that I have learned growing up- never mess with people that have 'Van' or 'Von' as a middle name (or an appendage of the last name, either way it's dangerous). Jean-Claude Van Damme, Van Halen, Vincent Van Gogh, Victor Von Doom, Ludwig Van Beethoven, Dick Van Dyke, Rip Van Winkle, Vin Diesel, ____ Van Morrison...those people all walk around sweating drops of awesome and cannot be killed by ordinary means.

4)James Knox Polk- I can just imagine the cabinet meetings, some smart mouth intern...poke- poke- poke (giggle giggle)

3)Abraham Lincoln- The only president to be named after a a county, city, a car, my street, a toy, an electric company, a nonsecretarian university, a yet-to-be released Stephen Spielberg movie, a cathedral, a financial firm, and finally, a patriarch. This guy knew how to party!

2)John Fitzgerald Kennedy- Besides being the most handsome president (although Obama does have the firepower to compete with the big dogs here, we haven't had a very good group of handsome commanders-in-chief), Kennedy cemented his name as the #2 coolest with just three letters- JFK. I mean, WHOA! That's liquid sweetness, right there- to be known world-wide, not by your first or last names, or even a nickname, but by three letters...Unfortunately JFK was just not able to get over the hump and take over the top spot.

So with that, the number one, coolest named president is.....

Drum roll...

1) Dave- Ahh, some of you must not know your American history very well. Dave was president in 1993- well, BILL was president in 1993, until he had a stroke, and Dave (the look-alike) had to take over. Something very similar happened in Vantage Point, except they sent the look-alike in first, and the look-alike got gunned down by an automated sniper rifle. Otherwise, they're very similar plot lines and true storyness.

So you may say, this was a 'movie', and therefore not 'real'. Well, friends, given the proven track record that Hollywood has with being honest, and never lying/stretching details, I would ask that you merely check your selfish and vain ambition at the door, and humbly ask for Dave's apology. For Dave is very real- otherwise, would they have made such a movie? I don't think so.

What JFK is to letters, Dave is to monosyllabic names. Listen to it roll of your tongue...D A V E

It is powerful yet tender, brave yet afraid, hot yet cold, milk and water, cats and dogs. Dave bridges gaps, reconciles, gives hope, ends wars, gives you what you want for Christmas. There is no name on this list that can compete with Dave. Those that would try will only end up being crushed by the ruthless awesomeness that IS Dave.

Well, there you have it. As usual, not all of you will agree with my list, and as usual, you are wrong. I hope you've enjoyed reading...Next time I might talk about something deep...or else I will rank my favorite Ben and Jerry's flavors (I just love to rank things, by the way). Thanks for reading, toodles!

Let's ask the important questions- Which president has the coolest name?

Well, election season is over (Thank God). Congratulations to Barack Obama, Better-luck-next times to Sarah Palin and my 3rd Party candidates. This whole election was a real eye-opener for me. Like, I really started thinking on some deep, deep issues. The economy, the environment, world relations- but the most deepest of all was which president has the coolest name.Obviously Barack Obama has the most different name of all the presidents. But is it the coolest? That is what I will be scientifically discerning in this post.

The Boring- These names are a dime a dozen. Yawn. Next please, comments here will be kept to a minimum, so as to not attract any more attention then humanly necessary. Seriously, I don't want you to fall asleep before you get to the good stuff.

John Adams
John Quincy Adams- Throwing an extraneous 'Quincy' in there doesn't hide that fact that we've already seen this name before.
Thomas Jefferson

James Monroe

James Madison

James Buchanan

Harry S Truman

Andrew Jackson

Andrew Johnson

Benjamin Harrison
William McKinley
William Howard Taft

William Jefferson Clinton

George Washington- George, I cannot tell a lie. You set the tone for centuries of boring names. You might be on the quarter (my favorite piece of money, by the way), but that does not change the fact that I use your name to fall asleep at night. Okay, so I did just tell a lie. But you chopped down your dad's cherry tree. Don't judge me.

The Sucky- These names might be a breath of fresh air on this list if they didn't conjur up images of pocket protecters, Star Trek fans, and high-water pants.

Ronald Wilson Reagan- Maybe if he was Ronald Raiden, he could have overcome sharing a name with a clown. But he's not. So he didn't.

Mr Gorbachev, tear down this wall- or I will zap you with lightning from my ninja hands. Also, I'd like a number 6 with coke.

Herbert Clark Hoover- It's fitting that Hoover is also a vacuum cleaner line, because the name Herbert just sucks.

Chester Alan Arthur- It is pretty bad when you have three names and they are all lame.

Woodrow Wilson- Woodrow? Woodrow? Why not, 'Treerow'? Or, 'Forestrow'? Or, 'Hedgerow'? Even 'Deathrow'. Any of these would have been better than Woodrow.
Calvin Coolidge

Theodore Roosevelt- Sure, you can call him 'Teddy' like you know him, but the fact remains that his mother cursed him to eternal dorkness by naming him 'Theodore'.

Hi, my name is Theodore...more like TheoDORK!

Franklin Pierce- Ah, Franklin. It's as if the names Frank and Lynn got married, and then spent the rest of their lives being annoying.

Dwight David Eisenhower- Dwight loses points for having a nickname (Ike) that has nothing to do with his real name. 2 things here- 1) If your name is only 1 syllable, you should not have a nickname. "Hi my name is Dwight, but you can call me Ike for short". Doesn't work. 2) There needs to be some relationship between your real name and your nickname. Jimmy Carter, Bill Clinton, those work fine. There is no 'Ike' in 'Dwight'. Really, come on now!
Lyndon Baines Johnson- Lyndon is a girls name. Next.

The Potential- These guys were THIS close to making it to the top ten, before tripping at the finish line- or the Finnish line, whichever came first.

James Abram Garfield- As much as I love a big, fat, orange lasagna-loving cat, I can't move ol' Jimbo into the top 10 because 'James' is the absolute most common president name. Now if his name would have been 'Jon'...well, that would have been amazing.

George Herbert Walker Bush- 4 names might seem to be a bit excessive, and 2 of those names (George/Herbert) are boring/sucky. So what gives Bush #1 the edge here? Look for yourself:

A certain Texas Ranger named...oh, I don't know...WALKER...

Chuck Norris fact: In ancient China there is a legend that one day a child will be born from a dragon, grow to be a man, and vanquish evil from the land. That man is not Chuck Norris, because Chuck Norris killed that man.

George W. Bush- George. Seen it. Bush. Been there. So what gives? Well, I'll tell ya- it's the W. W as a middle nomiker is a powerful, powerful thing. It makes ordinary men great, and great men more great. Think about this- Michael W. Smith, John W. Booth, Walt W. Disney, Michael W. Jordan, Wayne W. Gretzky, Joe W. Montana, WMD...the list goes on and on.

The next four are combined, like the powers of Captain Planet (I don't count 'heart' as a power...that's almost as lame as Captain Planets mullet).

William Henry Harrison
John Tyler

Zachary Taylor
Millard Fillmore- You might be thinking, 'William? John? MILLARD? What is going on here? Or you might be thinking, 'I'm bored. I wonder if Alf is on...' Well, either way, let me explain- these four were chosen because of the dynasty that they represent- the Whig dynasty. From 1841 to 1853, the Whig party was a political powerhouse, winning 3 out of 4 elections (Harrison died in office). Then, just as mysteriously as it appeared, the Whig party disappeared, like dandelion seeds into the wind. It is currently residing in Mexico, and is known as 'El guapo'.

It's a sweater!

Gerald Rudolph Ford Jr - Despite having a stupid first name, and sharing a middle name with a reindeer, Ford makes the list for one reason- he played football at U of M. Hail to the victors, baby!

James Earl Carter- This is the classic case of abusing a nickname. Jimmy would have earned higher points if he would have just stuck to James, and changed his last name to 'Jones'. Also , if he could speak in a beautiful bass voice and be Darth Vader.

Grover Cleveland- This guys was so FREAKING close to making it to the top ten- Grover is an amazing name, and in fact might be the most amazing first name in all of presidenthood. But I cannot in good consciousness give my blessing to anyone who associates with Cleveland and their vile existance.

Rutherford Birchard Hayes- Let this one sink in a little. Birchard. Birchard. Birchard. While Ruthorford held him out of the top ten like a millstone around your neck in a swimming pool, Birchard is the name that keeps on giving and giving. Birchard. Birchard. Birchard.

Wow, I'm going hog wild on this one! It's been tons of fun, fo' shizzle! Tune in next time, as I unveil THE TOP TEN COOLEST PRESIDENTS NAMES OF ALL TIME UP UNTIL NOW!

Congrats Obama...NOW GET TO WORK!

Well, since everyone and their brother is probably weighing in on the presidential election, I must follow the lemmings in order to maintain cultural relevence.

First of all, congratulations are in order for Barack Obama. I was surprised that he beat out Hillary Clinton, who has basically been the Democrats 'quarterback of the future' ever since ol' Bill left office. His is a historic victory, the first guy with a Muslim sounding name to be elected president (note-I'm not getting into this whole 'Obama is a secret Muslim thing- I'm just pointing out his name isn't Jim or George or something like that). He is also the first African American to be elected to the presidency. Congrats Obama.

Of course, now the onus is on him. He has a chance to do great things for this country. Or he can be the answer to a trivia question. Democrats control the triple crown- senate, house, president. So there is this understanding that he now has to put up. His whole campaign was around 'change', and while I've said before that I don't doubt that our country needs change, it'll be interesting to see what happens. Barack Obama is going to be trying to implement lots of changes while cutting taxes...eventually the math isn't going to add up. Either he will have to keep taxes the same/raise taxes, or else he will not be able to accomplish everything he promised.

I would just say two things- first of all, I think a certain degree of patience should be afforded to him. After all, our entire world (not just the USA for all the Bush-haters) is in a mess. It would be ignorant for anybody to think that Barack Obama can just come in guns blazing and fix everything. Give him some time/patience.

On the other side, he needs to show something. He needs to produce results. Barack Obama, in my opinion, rode into the white house on the coat tails of the national disapproval of George W. Bush. So he needs to show that he can do better than what he put down. Logistics shouldn't be a problem- as I said, Dems got the trifecta. But the QUALITY of those policies is what is going to matter.

I would really like to see Obama move on from this whole 'Bush bash' mentality. You used it to your advantage, you won the white house- now it's YOUR job. Don't blame bush for what is sure to be a rough period of on-the-job training. You wanted to be a trailblazer, you wanted to make change- well guess what- it's not easy. Barack Obama can take a page from Hank Aaron, who handled the home run record chase with class, grace, and dignity. While there is a lot of difference obviously between baseball and the presidency, there are still similar principles that can be applied here.

Again, congratulations to Barack Obama. I'll be praying for wisdom for you, because you will need it.

Hammer of Thor, Chariot of Goats

Go forth...um...mighty...goats?

Okay, so I play this table top miniatures game called 'Heroclix'. It's a superhero game, and I'm a big dork. So anyways, it's been around for about 6 years, and I played it when it first came out. I gave it up at one point because it had become too big a part of my life, and I was spending way too much money on it.

Fast forward to 2008. We're visiting my parents, my brother has me play a game of Heroclix with him, and I whup him. Bad. Well, maybe not a 'bad' whupping, but I beat him. So I get the itch to play again. And I figure, 'I'm older, I'm more mature. This spending thing won't get me again'.

Honestly, I am doing better than before, but I'm still the same old impulsive, wreckless, possession-lusting Jason. I don't even want to know how much money I've spent on this stupid game that I DON'T EVEN GET TO PLAY! I mean, have you ever tried having young kids and a tabletop game with miniature pieces? It doesn't work!

So what is the point of this post, you might ask. You might also ask for my phone number, and if you are a creditor, I am inclined to say 'no thank you'. Well, the point is I am FREAKIN' EXCITED about the next expansion set, Hammer of Thor. Yes, I realize that up until now, this post did not show any signs of that, but you know what? YOU CAN'T FIT ME IN A BOX! OR A CAKE! OR A MINI COOPER!

When I first got back into Heroclix, I was a 'DC' guy- DC being DC comics. I like Batman, I like Superman, I love the Green Lantern Corps, and more of the DC universe is a mystery to me. I mean, Marvel is cool (Spider-man, Iron Man, Hulk, X-Men, etc.), but I like the unknown, the unexplored, and DC has more of that to me. Maybe it's because they're comics suck, I don't know. As I've said, I'm not much of a comics reader. But I'm a DC guy.

Last summer, Marvel Heroclix comes out with an expansion called 'Secret Invasion', tied into the same-named comic miniseries in which an alien race (Skrulls) have infiltrated the hero teams, and are planning to take over the world- and no one knows who the Skrulls are (since they are shapeshifters). So the 'Buy it by the Brick' figure (10 boosters is a 'brick') was the Illuminati Super Skrull, who has the powers of Professor Xavier, Iron Man, Black Bolt, Namor, and Mr. Fantastic. Well, this intrigues me, so I buy the comics. I get hooked, 'blam!', order a brick, and to make a long story short, the pendulum swings back a little bit towards Marvel. It doesn't help DC that their own latest expansion set, 'Arkham Asylum', has NO Green Lanterns (although there are a handful of Sinestro Corps members) and a brick figure (Joker) that didn't really excite me.

Marvel? Their next brick figure, for Hammer of Thor (March 2009) is the above pictured Thor, rocking the Goat-drawn carriage. OMG, I am SO out of my mind looking forward to this set. I don't even know all the characters, but I'm ordering a case (a case is 2 bricks, so 20 boosters) so I can get 2 of those things.

So again, what is the point of this post/blog entry? It might seem to be a tad incoherent, rambly, and not well put together. Kind of like me in some aspects. I just wanted to let you all know that I am really excited about this figure, and I can't wait until March of next year!

3rd Party Candidates in a nutshell...or at a glance, if you have a peanut allergy

A couple weeks ago, I posted on 3rd Party candidates as agents of change. I must have sparked some sort of revolution, judging by the hundreds of e-mails I've received from loyal readers, asking where exactly these candidates stand on the important issues.
I really miss cheesy ads and alien invasion...

Okay, so those e-mails were sent to me by myself, from made up fake e-mail addresses. Don't try to confuse me with 'details' or 'facts'. I'm thinking about adopting relativism as my new manta.* Seriously though, relativism doesn't make sense to me. I mean, sure, I can see why people would WANT to adhere to it- basically zero accountability deification. But when you say 'there is NO such thing as absolute truth', isn't that making an absolute statement, thus nullifying itself? It sure sounds better than 'there may or may not be absolute truth'. Or 'aliens are invading, would you please pass the turkey?'.

So back to the purpose of the post. I'm going to weigh in on some issues of the 3rd Party candidates that are on the ballot in Michigan. According to CNN.com, the top 3 issues for voters are the economy, healthcare, and terrorism. Since this is my blog, we'll go by my top 3 are economy, foreign policy, environment

First off, we have Cynthia McKinney of the Green party. Hers was the most difficult website to navigate in terms of finding issues. I had to glean a lot of this stuff from the Green Party Platform/Manifesto. I also found out that the Green Party supports the legalization of marijuana. And Rosanne Barr supports the Green Party.

Economy-
Cynthia McKinney would close tax loopholes and repeal the Bush tax cuts for the top 1% of income earners. She would fairly tax corporations and deny federal subsidies to those who relocate jobs.McKinney would fight for an the opportunity for every family to have gainful employment at a ‘living wage. She would also set a goal of carbon neutrality within the next 20 years, which would benefit our country both in more jobs and a better environment. She would seek a repeal of trade laws such as NAFTA and CAFTA, and labor laws like Taft-Hartley. McKinney would advocate for equal pay for equal work.
Environment-
It’s the green party, duh? Anti-carbon, pro-renewable resources. And legal hemp. Don't forget legal hemp.
Foreign policy-
Basically, the Green Party platform says, 'We want military recruiters out of our schools, an end to funding for war, products for war, preparation for war, intelligence for war and funds used to to maintain or expand U.S. military presence at home or abroad. We need an end to all wars and occupations by U.S. forces'.

Next up, we have one of the Baldwin brothers, Chuck Baldwin, of the Constitution party. Well, I'm not sure if he's REALLY one of the Baldwin brothers, although he could be. Baldwin could be his maiden name too, for all I know.

Energy-
Chuck had nothing to say about energy, which leads me to believe that he lives in a log cabin in the mountains. Why did I come to that conclusion? It's simple, really. I found the answer on http://www.chuckbaldwinlivesinalogcabininthemountains.com/

If the above were an actual website, than this picture would have come from that website. Just imagine that Chuck and the constituents of the Constitution party are marching on your house to beat you up because you didn't vote for him.
Economy-
In order to keep jobs in this country, Chuck Baldwin favor a tariff based revenue system, A tariff on foreign imports, based on the difference between the foreign item's cost of production abroad and the cost of production of a similar item produced in the United States, to protect American jobs and, at the same time, raise revenue for our national government.
Foreign policy-
Chuck is a very pro-military man, but in an UnderArmor sort of way. You know, 'WE MUST PROTECT THIS HOUSE', not 'click clack'. Chuck would begin the process of safely extracting our troops from Iraq. and stop playing policeman of the world. Baldwin believes that the primary obligation of the federal government to provide for the common defense of the United States of America. Chuck still supports a very strong military, although not for the purposes of invasion, but of protection of America.

Hello, Bob Barr of the Libertarian party. Imagine if our president was a bar. Now name that bar, 'Bob'. That's the kind of excitement America needs!

Energy -
Bob Barr feels 'the free market should be the foundation of America’s energy policy. The federal government should eliminate restrictions that inhibit energy production, as well as all special privileges for the production of politically-favored fuels, such as ethanol. Congress should allow the exploration and production of America’s abundant domestic resources, including oil in the Outer Continental Shelf and Arctic National Wildlife Refuge, and alternative sources such as shale oil'.
Economy-
Bob thinks govt. needs to spend less, and stick to fundamental economical areas of govt. in the constitution, which are protect property rights, adjudicate disputes, and provide a legal framework in which voluntary trade is protected. He thinks that doing this will allow American’s to keep more of their own money. 'Every area of federal spending can and should be cut. Entitlements must be reformed and welfare should be cut, including called corporate welfare. Military outlays should be reduced and pork barrel spending eliminated'.
Foreign policy
Bob thinks that America should not be the world’s policeman. 'Our military should provide a strong national defense, not to engage in nation building or to launch foreign crusades. Bringing the soldiers home would better protect America while saving lives and money. American foreign policy should emphasize swift, decisive and winning action against those who vowed would harm us. This means defense, not foreign intervention. We should encourage private involvement around the world primarily through free trade'.

Notice I just flat out quoted Bob several times, instead of paraphrasing. I couldn't do his words justice. Plus, I'm sick of typing.

We've all heard of Ralph Nader, THE Independent candidate. He has the most in-depth website, and lots of similarities to Green party ideology (he ran as a Green Party candidate in '96 and '00, according to Wikipedia). Not sure where he stands on the marijuana issue, or the Rosanne Barr issue. Wait a minute...Rosanne BARR, Bob BARR...hmmmm...this is why I distrust the political process, and think that tyrannical dictatorship might be the way to go.

Economy
Nader believes that equitable trade, improving the infustructure, creating a new renewable energy efficiency policy, fully funding education and redirecting large bureaucratic and fraudulent health expenditures toward preventive health care will create millions of new jobs.
Nader would rework the federal budget to spend more money on things like infrastructure, public works, schools, libraries, sustainable energy and pollution controls, and less money on the military. Some ways he would cut military spending would be reduce strategic nuclear arsenal to 1,000 warheads, close unnecessary military bases, overhaul the Pentagon's financial management operations, and reinvest in diplomacy. Other policies include Progressive Taxation, Equal Pay for Women, Child-Care, Living Wages for All Workers, Restore the Social Safety Net
Foreign policy- Nader had nothing to say about Russia, which leads me to believe that he does not like hockey. Maybe he should run for office in Canada- obviously they don't like hockey, since all of their teams end up moving here anyways.
Nader would reverse the current policy in the Middle East. Nader proposes a rapid withdrawal of troops from Iraq- a target of withdrawing troops in six months.
Energy-
Ralphie urges a new clean energy policy that no longer subsidizes entrenched oil, nuclear, electric and coal mining interests — an energy policy that is efficient, sustainable and environmentally friendly. 'We need to invest in a diversified energy policy including renewable energy like wind and other forms of solar power, more efficient automobiles, homes and businesses one that breaks our addiction to fossil fuels. A new clean energy paradigm means more jobs, more efficiency, greater security, environmental protection and increased health'.

Here are the candidates websites:
McKinney- http://votetruth08.com/
Baldwin- http://www.baldwin08.com/
Barr- http://www.bobbarr2008.com/
Nader- http://www.votenader.org/

All quotes were taken directly from the candidates websites, unless I got them from somewhere else.


Thank you for bearing with me. Whoever you vote for, know why you are voting for them.


*Some of you might have said, 'he means mantra'. You were wrong.