If you didn't know, you do now- President Barack Obama is coming to Marquette, Michigan. If you don't know me, that's the town that I currently lay my head in. If you do know me and are having trouble connecting the dots, that's the place I call my home.
Now I'm not often prone to fits of narcissism or delusions of self-grandeur, but I honestly think that I am at least partly responsible for his decision to come to Marquette. Please everyone- don't thank me/grab your torches and pitch forks all at once.
Let's look at the time-line, shall we?
This tale actually originates back in early January, when my investigation into graduate school ended up with me popping up on The List. You know The List, right? The one where they train a satellite at your house, and tapping your phone line, and having hot girl secret agents send you drinks at the bar with an address and instructions written on the bottom of the napkin- that List.
Fast forward now to Groundhogs Day, and some wacko wakes up and comes out of his hole in the ground, sees his shadow, gets depressed, and decides to write a threat against NMU on his blog (note- it was not this wacko). Someone catches wind of this and calls NMU, which goes into full scale lock-down mode.
Meanwhile, I decide to write a blog about Threat Day (which in many ways was like Snow Day, except we had to stay inside because there was possibly someone trying to kill us). Unbeknownst to the five people that read my blog, I was actually sending an coded distress signal to try and take advantage of my place on The List.
Obviously President Obama got my message, and is coming here to meet with me personally. I'm sure of it. He might be telling the public that it has something to do with our universities Wi-Max 4G network or some such shenanigans- but that's just an elaborate ruse and an encrypted message to yours truly.
In all seriousness, I am definitely excited that the President Obama is coming up to da Yoop. It's kinda like a politician and a rock-star mixed into one bag. Obama is probably the most polarizing figure since...well, since the last man who presided in the oval office. I'm definitely going to call in all (two) of my connections and try and see him when he comes to town. Love him or hate him, he is the President of our country, and this is not something that happens every day (unless you live in Washington, D.C.). In the meantime, I have to go close the curtains- there are a couple dudes with sunglasses and a black SUV sitting out in the parking lot.
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