Still alive, mostly

Hello world,

I don't really have anything to say right now.  It's just that time of year, when I go for a long spell without any communication and then all of a sudden *POOF* into existence again to give you your quarterly fix of Jason Parks.

I realize I'm way behind on things- my Fantasy Football wrap up still is waiting in the wings.  Unfortunately I have no real time table for them- creatively I'm running on the fumes of 2010 here, so I can't promise when I might be so inspired as to deliver my usual Grade-A-wesomeness in literary form. 

Life has been ridiculously busy.  I'm basically working 7 days a week- which for you math majors out there means that yes, I am working every single day.  I have periodic days off at the school (thanks God for those snow days a few weeks ago), but I'll have a consistently full schedule until the summer.  While that will be good for our bank account, it won't be as good for my blog account.  Of course, that's what the world cares about.  Right?

Honestly, today is the first time I've thought about my blog in a couple weeks.  So I suppose that me writing this is perhaps a step in a positive direction towards reconnecting with myself in the arena of words.  Or maybe I just had a spark of inspiration that will just as quickly fizzle into nothingness.  Stay tuned!

Lately I've been watching professional wrestling, which is good for the soul.  It makes me feel like a man to watch muscled dudes confront other muscled dudes and wear tiny clothing and jump around and beat each other up.  I'm pretty sure my testosterone levels have gone through the roof.  One really cool thing that's come out of my newest craze is the wrestling video game I bought has enabled me to connect with my kids.

Yes, you read that correctly.  A wrestling video game has deepened the parent-child bond in the Parks household.

See, I downloaded some previously created wrestlers that you might have heard of- Incredible Hulk.  Thor.  Spider-man.  Superman.  Captain America.  Batman.  No, they aren't wrestlers in the traditional sense.  But someone made them for a wrestling game, and I downloaded them, and now I have tons of fun watching Royal Rumbles involving the Avengers.  How cool is that!  Plus, I give them all custom theme songs that my kids are growing attached to.  Do you know how deeply it warms my heart to have my children request that we listen to 'Walk' by Pantera in the car before school?

IT DOESN'T MATTER IF YOU KNOW (sorry.  Channeling my inner The Rock there). 

Anyways, that's what I've been up to.  Work and wrestling.  As time frees up, interests will vary and I'll begin writing again in earnest.  I anxiously await your waiting with bated breath.

Love you all!

Marvel Machine defense

Welcome to part 2 of my "Marvel vs. DC: The Gridiron Years" saga.  If you missed part 1, then click here.  If you read it and don't miss it, then WHO NEEDS YOU ANYWAYS?????

Sorry about that- I forgot to take my Internet estrogen.  Here's a look at the defense.  As before, pictures are from comicvine.com and measurables are from marvel.com.  Now, let's get ready to rumble:

Defensive end- Hulk
8', 1400 lbs

Assuming that the Hulk can stay mad (and I can't imagine that would be difficult while mucking around in the trenches), Marvel has a defensive end fueled by rage who continues to grow stronger as he gets angrier.  Reminds me a lot of Donkey Kong Suh.  They might need a way to figure out how to help Hulk control that rage though- otherwise I'm seeing a continuous series of encroachment and roughing-the-passer penalties from the Jolly Green Giant.  And when I say 'roughing-the-passer', I mean 'beating-the-passer-into-a-bloody-pulp'.  Which is still probably just a 15-yard penalty with automatic first down.  Can't protect quarterbacks too much, eh Goodell?

Nose tackle- Blob
5'10", 510 lbs

There are a lot of fat dudes that have made a lot of money in the NFL simply because they could stand there in the middle of the defensive line and not be moved.  Well who better in the comic universe to fill that role than the Blob?  Seriously, I think this guy single-handedly shuts down any inside run game from DC, and frees up the D-ends to tee off on the DC quarterback.  Plus, he's a fat guy wearing a leotard.  So that too will help slow down the DC offense.  Have you ever tried running a football while suppressing the gag reflex?

Defensive end- Colossus
7'5", 500 lbs

Besides already having his own shoulder pads, Colossus is an asset to the Marvel D because of his organic steel frame, super strength, and Russian heritage.  But really it's because he has his own shoulder pads.  Those things aren't cheap!

Outside linebacker- Sabretooth
6'6", 375 lbs

Sabretooth is like Lawrence Taylor from Hell.  This angry quarterback-seeking missile prowls the offensive backfield with death and blood on his mind.  He won't be making plays as much as he will be making piles of dead bodies that you have to step over to get past the line of scrimmage.

Inside linebacker- Iron Man
6'6", 425 lbs

Look, I've seen all three Iron Man movies.

This one's my favorite.  Although, why didn't he blow stuff up?

So I know the weapons systems and targeting and tracking and all that stuff that Tony Stark has inside that suit.  Combined with his cockiness and natural smarts, I can't think of a better captain of the Marvel D.  Plugging him in at inside linebacker gives his suit the proper vantage point to utilize his technology to shut down the opposing offense.  Also, it keeps him away from the fans, who are probably going to be drinking beer. 

Inside linebacker- Doctor Octopus
5'9", 245 lbs

As I think back to the two weeks that I spent playing defense in high school (before they realized I was too weak and slow to be anything more than a welcome mat), I remember our coach screaming at us about the importance of using our hands and not allowing the blockers to get into our body areas.  That is not an issue with the good doctor here.  Most human beings are limited to one pair of hands.  But Doc Ock has three pair.  Three.  That means that pair number one engages the oncoming blocker, pair number two coils around the ball carriers legs to prevent further yardage from being gained, and pair number three is free to readjust the pesky athletic supporter, which always seems to bunch up at the most inconvenient tim..YEOUCH!!!!

Outside linebacker- Thor
6'6", 640 lbs

Like the Florida State defensive ends of the late '90's, Thor has only one role- to run as fast as he can to try and tackle the quarterback.  No way I want any part of him trying to have to make thoughtful decisions on the fly.  No dropping back into coverage.  No trying to read the play.  Just use that Asgardian speed-burst to plant Mjolnir into the passers' chest.

Cornerback- Spider-man
5'10", 167 lbs

With a normal cornerback, you're worried about two things:

1. Their ability to match up with the opposing wide receiver and play lock-down man-to-man defense.
2. Their hands of stone.

With Spidey, you don't worry about either of those things.  He's got the speed, strength, and agility of a spider so I'm not worried about him going one-on-one with anyone.  And he has special pads on his fingers that help him scale walls, for crying out loud, so I don't think holding onto the football is going to be a big deal.  Besides, even if he does get burned, he can shoot sticky webs out of his wrists.  Now that's what I call 'recovery speed'.

Cornerback- Namor
6'2", 278 lbs

Apart from having all the super-human attributes, Namor has the supreme arrogance that any good cornerback needs.  No need to worry about giving up that 50 yard touchdown pass to put DC up by two scores- Namor doesn't give up 50 yard touchdown passes.  The only concern is that he starts to lose power the longer he's out of water.  So keep those fluids coming, guys! 

Strong safety- Wolverine
5'3", 300 lbs

Wolverine might be a step slow at safety, but he's a perfect fit for this defense.  He's tough as nails.  A superb natural athlete..  He has a nose for the ball.  And with a skeleton laced with adamantium, you best believe any receiver that crosses over the middle is going to get nailed like he's never been nailed before.  And with twelve inch adamantium claws, it will literally be like getting nailed.  Ouch.  Hope someone here knows meta-human First Aid!

Free safety- Beast
5'11", 402 lbs

If you combined Einstein's mental capacities with LeBron James' freakish athletic gifts, you would probably end up with someone like the Beast.  Although looking at this picture, I'm assuming that you dropped a Smurf in there too, and maybe Hello Kitty.  But anyways Beast is an amazingly gifted athlete who is also one of the smartest minds in the Marvel U.  I see your play-action, DC, and raise you some enzyme catalyzed reductions and an interception.  Boo-yah.

Defensive coordinator- Nick Fury

Nick Fury has an eye-patch and is played on the silver screen by Samuel L.  That's all you need to know.  And because Nick is such a secretive guy, that's pretty much all you get to know.  Oh dear, I've said too much.
Come back on Wednesday to check out the DC Stars roster- starting with their high-octane offense led by....STAY TUNED!

PICS- Iron Man- http://heightslibrary.org/wordpress/undeadrat/wp-content/uploads/2008/12/ironmanondvdfull1.jpg
Iron Man 2- http://fcdn.filmonic.netdna-cdn.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/07/iron-man-2-dvd.jpg
Iron Giant- http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/51R222WH7SL._SL500_AA300_.jpg

Hammer of Thor, Chariot of Goats

Go forth...um...mighty...goats?

Okay, so I play this table top miniatures game called 'Heroclix'. It's a superhero game, and I'm a big dork. So anyways, it's been around for about 6 years, and I played it when it first came out. I gave it up at one point because it had become too big a part of my life, and I was spending way too much money on it.

Fast forward to 2008. We're visiting my parents, my brother has me play a game of Heroclix with him, and I whup him. Bad. Well, maybe not a 'bad' whupping, but I beat him. So I get the itch to play again. And I figure, 'I'm older, I'm more mature. This spending thing won't get me again'.

Honestly, I am doing better than before, but I'm still the same old impulsive, wreckless, possession-lusting Jason. I don't even want to know how much money I've spent on this stupid game that I DON'T EVEN GET TO PLAY! I mean, have you ever tried having young kids and a tabletop game with miniature pieces? It doesn't work!

So what is the point of this post, you might ask. You might also ask for my phone number, and if you are a creditor, I am inclined to say 'no thank you'. Well, the point is I am FREAKIN' EXCITED about the next expansion set, Hammer of Thor. Yes, I realize that up until now, this post did not show any signs of that, but you know what? YOU CAN'T FIT ME IN A BOX! OR A CAKE! OR A MINI COOPER!

When I first got back into Heroclix, I was a 'DC' guy- DC being DC comics. I like Batman, I like Superman, I love the Green Lantern Corps, and more of the DC universe is a mystery to me. I mean, Marvel is cool (Spider-man, Iron Man, Hulk, X-Men, etc.), but I like the unknown, the unexplored, and DC has more of that to me. Maybe it's because they're comics suck, I don't know. As I've said, I'm not much of a comics reader. But I'm a DC guy.

Last summer, Marvel Heroclix comes out with an expansion called 'Secret Invasion', tied into the same-named comic miniseries in which an alien race (Skrulls) have infiltrated the hero teams, and are planning to take over the world- and no one knows who the Skrulls are (since they are shapeshifters). So the 'Buy it by the Brick' figure (10 boosters is a 'brick') was the Illuminati Super Skrull, who has the powers of Professor Xavier, Iron Man, Black Bolt, Namor, and Mr. Fantastic. Well, this intrigues me, so I buy the comics. I get hooked, 'blam!', order a brick, and to make a long story short, the pendulum swings back a little bit towards Marvel. It doesn't help DC that their own latest expansion set, 'Arkham Asylum', has NO Green Lanterns (although there are a handful of Sinestro Corps members) and a brick figure (Joker) that didn't really excite me.

Marvel? Their next brick figure, for Hammer of Thor (March 2009) is the above pictured Thor, rocking the Goat-drawn carriage. OMG, I am SO out of my mind looking forward to this set. I don't even know all the characters, but I'm ordering a case (a case is 2 bricks, so 20 boosters) so I can get 2 of those things.

So again, what is the point of this post/blog entry? It might seem to be a tad incoherent, rambly, and not well put together. Kind of like me in some aspects. I just wanted to let you all know that I am really excited about this figure, and I can't wait until March of next year!