Draftstravaganza 2012: The entrée

After enduring the bitter defeat of not getting onto the Fantasy Island (which I survived by convincing myself that I was one of the last cuts) and wallowing in the filth of my own misery, it's back to work.  After all, this blog isn't just going to write itself!

So let's talk about my draft....hmmmm....what can I say about my draft...I don't know?  I just don't know.  Yeah, that's it.  I'm running on the platform of my consistent and well-documented incompetence.

I had a hard time getting excited about anyone's prospects this year.  Maybe I've read too many smart articles (smarticles?).  Maybe I've watched too much soccer the past couple of years and I'm anticipating a bunch of ridiculously low scoring games, culminating the New England Patriots advancing from the group stage with an 2-13-1 (wins/draws/losses in soccer land) record and winning the Super Bowl on penalty kicks.  Whatever the case, there were really no instances where my name came up in the draft and I thought 'Oh my goodness, I can't believe no one else had the foresight to draft this league-winning touchdown machine'.  It was more like 'Oh my goodness, I paid $30 to draft this guy?  In this round???'.

Plus, in my defense...it didn't help that I was trying really hard to sit there at the kitchen table to just do my draft, and all these other things kept happening.  I had to give the kids a bath, my brother's girlfriend came over (so they forced me to get off the computer and go meet her), I didn't get much sleep (we went to a baseball game the night before), my mom made white chili (I'll let you use your imagination as to why that was a distraction), I forgot how to read...

This Fantasy Football draft thing is so hard!

But whatever.  The great ones can shake off distractions like Jason Bourne getting accosted at the consulate.  And yes, not only did I imply that I am great, but that my greatness is on par with Jason Bourne.  So this is where I give you my 2012 draft to make your own judgment of my abilities.  Just as long as you're not making that assessment by actual on-field performance or something arbitrary like that.

Round 1
Didn't get: Greg Jennings, WR- I was pretty locked into getting a running back here anyways, especially since running backs were flying off the board with the quickness.  Unfortunately, I sort of got caught with my pants down and ended up with...
Frank Gore, RB Your first round pick can potentially ruin your feelings about your entire draft, as I found out this past weekend.  I realize I'm painting myself into a "John Henry regret" corner by saying this- but I'm not very excited about Frank Gore.  Frank, I really hope it doesn't make this awkward around the clubhouse this year, but I just...well, I just planned on a couple other running backs being available, and then they weren't and I really hadn't researched you but you were the only name at the top of the RB board that I recognized and I panicked and then I read what Matthew Berry had to say and I...look, no hard feelings, okay?  Just try not to suck/get hurt, we'll make it through this year and I'll dump you back in the draft proper.
Of course, I could have had: Andre Johnson, WR-  At least he's a guy I wouldn't have taken anyways (injured last year, plays for a ground-n-pound type team), so that was some consolation for my inconvenient first round.

Round 2
Didn't get: Mike Wallace, WR- One of those guys I wouldn't have drafted unless it was the last round and the entire NFC had been whisked off to Secret Wars.  Holdout, new offensive system, with an up-and-comer at the same position (Antonio Brown)-sorry Mike Wallace, you're going to have to play your 60 Minutes for someone else (eh, eh?  Did you see what I did there?).  And then I went for...
Julio Jones, WR.  Not that I necessarily wanted to, mind you.  I would have probably felt amazing about Jones in round 4 and pretty good in round 3.  Here in round 2 though, it feels a little feels like a reach (with the injury troubles last season and the fact that I'm not the biggest Matty Ice fan)...but I really didn't like any of the WRs at that spot and didn't want to miss out on the top WRs.  So, welcome to the Snow Flurries...now is that J-J-Jewelio or H-H-Who-lio?  This is not a trivial question.  I'm going to be on a first name (or abbreviation) basis with you this season, and I need to know whether to refer to you as JJ or HJ.
Could have had: Michael Turner, RB- It would have been neat to nab Turner somewhere, just to see him add to his career Snow Flurry point totals.  Of course, Turner is on the wrong side of the 30/30 something, and if there's one thing we don't do here with the Snow Flurries, it's spend high draft picks on old running backs who have some injury history and are at or approaching the age of 30.  Oh, hey there, Frank......it's only awkward if we let it be.

Round 3
Didn't get: BenJarvus Green-Ellis- I suppose he could have a solid/really good season for the Bengals this year (obviously someone thought so, they drafted him in the third round)- I've just never been a huge fan of the Law Firm.  I mean the player.  The nickname?  It's golden. Anyways I went ahead and drafted...
Stevan Ridley, RB Another pick that feels like a reach (and yes, I'm really regretting my half-assed 'attempt' at preparation), nonetheless Ridley had some bright moments in 2011 and with the Law Firm setting up his practice in Cincy, Ridley's Believe-it-or-not could be a great pick, especially if he gets dibs on the goal line carries that are now up for grabs.  Plus- Shane Vereen, his main competitor, suffered a preseason injury that I'm hoping gives RBI (yes, you just witnessed me co-opting a nickname and then abbreviating it because it was too freaking long) the upper hand in the competition.
Could have had: Steve Smith (Panthers).  Perhaps even more than Cam Newton, Smith was the biggest surprise to come out of the Carolina resurgence.  The difference in 2012 is that Newton still has his prime to hit, while Smith fumbled his out of bounds about 3 autumns ago. 

Round 4
Didn't get: Miles Austin, WR- If this was 2010, I might be a little angry that someone had the wherewithal to pick Austin right before I did.  But he hasn't produced at that high of a level since then, and besides- if I was going to reach for a receiver who had a legendary season and then fell back to Earth, with a 2012 prognosis riddled with question marks, I was gonna draft...
Dwayne Bowe, WR Take the Prodigal Son.  Marinate in some That Part Where Aslan Died.  Mix in a little bit of Willow, a dash of August Rush, and a pinch of Chuck Bass and Blair Waldorf.  Stir in some Lord of the Rings and 'Luke, I am your father'.  Sprinkle on some zest of 'You had me at hello'.  That is the appetizer to the entree that is epic awesomeness of Dwayne Bowe coming home this season.  Please, please- don't talk to me about Matt Cassel and the hold out until tomorrow.  Right now, it's all about Dwayne. 
I guess I could have had: DeSean Jackson, WR- Maybe?  But there's no one else I would have rather had here, right now, than Dwayne Bowe, forever the Adrian to my Rocky.

Round 5
Didn't get: Percy Harvin, WR- For the first time, I kick myself a little (but only a little- and even then, only after reading some statistics of the Harvin/Ponder connection late in the season) for not getting a chance at someone.  But then I remember that this guy's bones are made of peanut brittle, and I relax a little and go for....
Aaron Hernandez, TE I'm not sure about this pick- it sort of feels like a reach, but it could also be a steal.  I was going to go for a back-up QB here, but then there was a little mini-run on TEs and so I wanted to make sure I got a decent starter.  While the Gronk will probably get the lion's share of the catches and TDs, Brady spreads the ball around enough (and New England runs enough two TE sets) to make Hernandez a solid starter here.
Could have had:Fred Davis, TE- This is less of an indictment on Davis and more of a testament to my faith in Brady and the Patriots system (which itself is a symptom of my situational amnesia).  Davis would have probably been a better pick for me- but I think that Hernandez is going to be just as solid with more upside (even if Belichik did mysteriously erase Hernandez from existence for a very crucial week during my 2010 season).

Round 6
Didn't get: Kevin Smith, RB- One thing being a Lions fan has taught me over the years is that you never, ever, EVER draft a Lions RB (Barry Sanders not withstanding).  This is not a team with a proud history of ball toters.  So Kevin Smith was not a player I had in my sights this year.  Which is good, I suppose, because it allowed me to draft...
Philip Rivers, QB Hey hey hey, let's calm down people!  Yes, I know that I already have Tom Brady, and barring injury there's no way that Rivers sees the field.  So what gives?  Isn't round 6 sort of high to buy a back-up QB?  Perhaps.  Nay, probably.  But to me, this pick was all about leveraging assets.  There was no other player at this spot in the draft that I felt was worth as much as Phillip Rivers.  Rivers is a known commodity, a top-10 QB year in and year out.  Simply put, this was a value pick for me.  Rivers is a guy that gives me immediate relief in the short term should something happen to Brady (vigorously searching for some wood to knock the crap out of) and if both Rivers and Brady are hot, then I can try and deal Rivers for some other players at positions I'll likely be needing (no offense, rounds 1-5 guys).  And if both somehow happen to suck?  Well, then I'm screwed regardless. 
Could have had:Tony Gonzalez, TE- I suppose it's possible that in the end I should have taken Gonzalez instead of Hernandez a round back.  Gonzalez may not have the upside, but he's also a known commodity at this point and unlike Hernandez, he won't be sharing a lot of TE targets.  And now I've gone and talked myself out of Aaron Hernandez.  Well that's just great!

Round 7
Didn't get: Cedric Benson, RB- Another guy I never really had my sights on.  In a couple months, he'll join the 30/30 something club, and going to a new scheme where Aaron Rodgers is king- it just doesn't feel like a good fit (for real or for fantasy)  So I got this guy instead...
Darius Moore, WR As I look back over my draft, one word comes instantly to mind- REACH. 

Which sucks, come to think about it

As in, I probably picked many of my players a round or more ahead of where I could have got them.  Moore is one of those guys.  I think pretty highly of him, actually- Carson Palmer should look more like Carson and less like Jordan Palmer this year, and the Experts think pretty highly of his potential.  It's just that I probably could have had him a little later on.  Then again...
Could have had: Packers D- If people are already breaking out the defenses, I could have had him a lot later.  Great.  Just. Fricking. Great.

Well, that's rounds 1-7 of my great mistake 2012 draft.  In the interest of keeping your interest, I've decided to take what was supposed to be a one-and-done draft recap and turn it into an epic Trilogy.  Except unlike Star Wars and Lord of the Rings, I definitely saved the retreads and long-shots for last.  So...we'll see you next week?

PIC- http://www.quickmeme.com/meme/3ptwl9/